Chapter Text
“We can’t keep doing this, Sebastian,” I panted against his lips.
“This is the last time,” he agreed, pushing roughly back into me.
My back was pinned to the wall, my body entirely held up by his. My legs were tight around his waist as my hands searched every inch of him I could get my hands on. His grip on my ass was so hard I was certain it’d bruise.
He rocked into me, slowly at first, gauging my reaction. Our faces were just inches apart, his eyes locked on mine. I could feel his hot breath on my skin, still taste the lips that had turned into a teasing smirk.
I bit my lip, trying to fight back a moan.
He smiled wider, “But you don’t want to stop, do you, beautiful?”
His hips moved faster, “You want me to keep being inside you. You still want to cum on my cock at night.”
He was right, and I couldn’t find the will to deny it. I threw my head back against the wall in pleasure. He brought his hand to my clit as he moved even faster, rubbing tight, practiced circles. He whispered in my ear over and over again that I don’t want to stop. I scrambled for something— anything— to say.
“Don’t stop,” I breathed. Unhelpful.
“Fuck, Madeleine,” he panted. “I’m so close.”
All I could do was sit back and enjoy the ride as he continued to thrust into me, his right hand masterfully working me until I saw stars. I gasped his name and buried my nails into his shirt as my orgasm overtook me. He kept my shaking legs steady as he rammed into me, his own release rapidly approaching.
I must’ve blacked out for a moment there, because the next thing I knew I was slumped against him. My head rested on his shoulder as I watched the sharp rises and falls of his chest as he tried to catch his breath. Too soon, he unwound my legs from his waist and gently placed me back on solid ground.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Maddie. Merlin, you’re so incredible,” he said sweetly.
He was always like this afterwards. We’d have the dirtiest, riskiest sex imaginable, but he’d be completely affectionate and adoring after. He’d shower me in praise and sweet little kisses. He’d go from biting at my neck to leaving feather-light kisses on it, from rutting into me with all his might to treating me like a porcelain doll.
Then, it’d end.
All too soon, every time, he went back to being cool as a cucumber. He’d tease me like a petulant child, tell raunchy jokes like I was one of the boys. He’d flirt with other girls in our year right in front of me.
He’d remind me of what he had said at the end of the summer, “We’re just friends, Mads.”
Just friends.
It certainly hadn’t felt like that over the summer.
~
Sebastian spent the rest of the that year being distant as he grieved. He abandoned our trio of him, myself, and Ominis, leaving Ominis and I to our own devices.
That wasn’t so bad. We grew close.
I liked Ominis.
At the end of the year, when he heard I had to stay at the castle all summer with Professor Fig gone, he asked me to come with him to Feldcroft.
“Honesty, it would be really nice to have you there. I don’t know if I can handle being… alone there,” he had admitted vulnerably.
I packed up my things and we embarked on the short trek to Feldcroft. I didn’t ask whether or not he had been back since Anne was gone. I never asked if he saw her note.
He stoically unpacked, offering me Anne’s little nook on the side of the cottage. It was the only privacy possible, her “room” sectioned off by a thin curtain.
“Are you sure?” I asked him, “I can always—”
“Until she gets back, it’s yours,” he replied. “I’ll just sleep… there.”
He grimaced as he looked down at Solomon’s bed. I gave his arm a comforting squeeze.
It was my first time without magic since I had learned about it. Honestly, it was nice. Sebastian and magic were inseparable to me, synonymous with each other in this new world I was living in. But being with him while we both had to do without it was somehow nostalgic for me. Although I was living in Sebastian’s home, he was in my world.
He, however, was entirely underequipped for living without magic or an adult who could use it. Though this was the last summer he’d ever need to do without, it still made me nervous to see that he was unable to even feed himself without the assistance of charms.
As pathetic as it was, I was giddy at the thought of him needing me. For the whole summer, I took care of him. I helped him in the garden. I prepared all our meals, forcing him to watch and learn as I cooked. I dragged him around the market and showed him what to buy.
We spent our days outside when we could. We’d lay out in the grass and read or play gobstones all morning, and when the sun was at its peak, we’d bask in the rays at the beach. He’d coax me into the water, playful pushing sand onto me until I caved in. When I didn’t, he’d lift me into his arms and drag me into the ocean kicking and screaming. I’d splash him in a fruitless effort to get him to release me, but he never would.
When we’d lay back out to dry, I just watched him. He’d lay on a blanket, face to the sky and eyes shut like a sleeping, sunbathing niffler. The sun exposure doused him in even more freckles, and I’d draw patterns with them in my mind. His hair glowed in the light, just a bit redder than usual. The shadows would make his jaw line even stronger, and I’d longed to trace my finger across it.
He looked so beautiful like that.
Sometimes he’d crack open an eye and catch me, but he never said anything. I never looked away.
Most of our evenings we spent just talking. Sometimes we’d splurge on a bottle of wine, but we seldom needed it. We’d talk about anything and everything. We’d reminisce on memories together, and he’d tell me about our friends before I knew them. We’d talk about our childhoods and our dreams. We’d talk about after Hogwarts and what we wanted to do. I told him about how I had to get married, as I had no family or home to return to. He’d call me ridiculous, and insist I should just come live in the cottage with him or in London with Ominis.
Sometimes, he’d talk about her. I watched the light leave his eyes every time he did it.
“She’ll come back, Seb,” I’d promise, though he knew as well as I did that I had no way of knowing that.
One night, he admitted what he was truly afraid of, “What if she’s already dead?”
“What?”
“I’ll have no way of knowing what happens, if something does,” he explained. “She could die. Or already be dead. I’d never know.”
“That’s not going to happen,” I said firmly.
“I was the last one looking for a way to save her,” he whispered, voice hoarse. “I’m going to be truly alone.”
Instinctively, I reached for him, clutching his hand in mine tightly. “I’m not going to let that happen, Sebastian. Ever.”
He nodded solemnly. “We should get rest.”
I didn’t let him go. He moved to stand, but I kept his hand in mine. I stood up after him and walked him behind the curtain.
“You don’t have to—”
“You should sleep in here, Seb,” I cut him off, “I think it’ll feel good to be close to her.”
He nodded, his eyes searching mine. He flashed me a soft smile, and I turned to give him some privacy.
He still didn’t let go of mine, tugging me back to him.
“Stay with me,” he breathed, more of a plea than a demand.
“Sebastian…” I drifted off.
“Please,” he whispered. “Just tonight. Just this once.”
I couldn’t deny that boy anything.
I ordered him to turn around so I could slip into a nightgown, teasing him as I threatened him if he tried to sneak a peak. He in turn asked me to turn around so he could get into pyjamas, annoyed that I didn’t try to look.
I blew out the lamp and slipped into bed beside him awkwardly. I felt him finger through my hair, humming contently.
When I turned to face him, he was already looking right at me.
“Madeleine,” he said, barely above a breath.
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“For what?” I asked.
“Being here. Being you,” he whispered back.
Before I could respond, he inched towards me. When he saw I wasn’t going to move back, his lips gently pressed to mine. My eyes widened in shock, but I didn’t move. I couldn’t move. I was frozen in place. He moved his lips against mine once, twice, and then he pulled just a hair away.
“Goodnight, Maddie,” he muttered into my lips, placing one last gentle, lingering kiss to them.
“Goodnight,” I managed back.
He spent every night in Anne’s bed curled up with me after that, but he didn’t kiss me again for nearly two weeks. We didn’t even talk about it.
Not until the next rainy day, where we were trapped inside together. By noon, he was completely stir crazy.
“Fuck this,” he declared, “Let’s go outside.”
“It’s pouring, Seb!”
“And it’s boring in here. C’mon, Mads, it’ll be fun,” he insisted.
Just like he would into the ocean, he lifted me up in his arms as if I weighed nothing and hauled me out the door, ignoring my squeals and playful swats.
It hit my skin in a thousand tiny shocks, soaking through her clothes instantly, catching in my hair, running down my bare face. I gasped, half from the cold, half from the sheer surprise of it.
“Are you insane?” I laughed, trying to pull back, but he just tightened his grip and pulled me further out into the yard.
“Probably,” he admitted.
The grass was slick beneath our feet. The sky hung low and heavy, the air smelling like earth and summer and sea and something electric.
Sebastian let go of my hand only to spin away, arms out, face tipped up toward the rain.
He laughed. Not the quiet, guarded laugh I was used to. Something freer. Lighter. Like the rain had shaken something loose inside him.
I think it shook something loose inside me, too.
“Come on, Madeleine!” he called, turning in a slow circle, water dripping from his lashes. “Live a little!”
I stood there for a second, drenched and stunned.
“This is ridiculous,” I said, but I stepped forward anyway.
The rain softened as it soaked in, stopped feeling cold and started feeling…alive. I pushed her wet hair back, laughing under my breath as she walked toward him.
“You dragged me out here for this?”
“For this,” he echoed, still spinning, slower now.
He reached for me again, catching my hands. “Trust me.”
Before I could ask what that meant, he pulled me into a clumsy spin. I yelped, then laughed, nearly slipping, gripping his shoulders to steady myself.
“Sebastian!”
But he was laughing again, and somehow that made it impossible to be annoyed.
We stumbled through the grass together, turning in uneven circles, rain plastering their clothes to their skin, everything messy and bright and breathless. He insisted this was a waltz, but neither of us had ever had to waltz before. I didn’t believe for a second he knew the steps.
And then—
He stopped. Abruptly enough that I almost collided into him. When I looked up, he was already looking intensely at me.
Something had shifted between us.
Lightning cracked far behind us, but neither of us reacted. The rain traced the line of his jaw, caught on his lashes. His hand was still wrapped around my waist, warm despite everything.
“Hey,” he said, barely above the rain.
My heart stuttered.
“Hey,” I answered, just as softly.
For a moment, neither of them moved.
The world felt smaller somehow. Just the two of us, the sound of rain, the space between our ragged breaths.
“Madeleine…”
The way he said my name made something in my chest tighten.
“Yes?”
He hesitated. And for once, Sebastian looked unsure.
“I—”
He stopped himself, shook his head once like he was overthinking it.
Rain slid down his cheek, and I reached up without thinking, brushing it away with my thumb. It was silent permission— I wanted him to kiss me again.
Neither of us spoke. There was this tiny, fragile pause—
And then he leaned in.
His lips were hot, a startling contrast from the bitter cold wet sensation on the rest of my body. He was unrestrained, almost frantic, as his lips moved against mine. It was like a race, and I could barely keep up/.
My fingers curled into the front of his shirt in an attempt to ground myself. I tried to match his pace, but I had no idea what I was doing. His tongue was parting my lips, begging for me to just give into him.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this, Mads,” he whispered against my lips.
I was too delirious to respond, so he continued, “Every time I look at you, I wish I were snogging you. I wished I could hold you, and taste you, just like this.”
“You always could’ve,” I breathed.
He just groaned in response, going right back to kissing me with even more fervor.
My entire body was ablaze, his fingertips feeling like flicks of fire as they ran down my body. I had never wanted anything— anyone— the way I wanted him in that moment. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted. I just knew I needed more of him, and I needed it right then.
Without thinking I pushed up his billowy shirt, glued to him with rain. I ran my hands up his firm stomach, shoving the fabric up until he took the hint. He pulled away just enough to whip it off.
He went back to kissing me, even more heated. His hands remained chaste, but mine were far from it. I was touching every inch of his bare skin I could reach, fighting to uncover more of it.
I was insatiable and hungry for him. My year of unrelenting restraint had shattered into pieces with just a kiss.
Finally, he reached his hands under my jumper and pulled it up and off of me. I shivered at his gaze, his eyes following my bare neck to my corset. His thumb traced my shoulder, the line of still pale-skin hidden daily by my clothes.
“Tan line,” he whispered. “Pretty.”
I grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him feverishly again. He responded in kind, pulling me back until I was flush against him again.
“Inside,” I practically whimpered.
“Maddie, we don’t have to…” he trailed off.
“I want to. With you,” I said, completely certain.
I was certain. I don’t think I’d ever been so certain about anything in my whole life.
But there was no point getting lost in those memories after that. Summer was over now, and those tan lines had long faded.