Chapter Text
Though she was immensely grateful, Carol had been surprised that Therese had not shown any anger when they finally talked, the morning they woke up together in Therese’s apartment after the miracle that was her appearance in the Oak Room the night before. Therese had been understanding, compassionate, even took some responsibility for the situation herself. She had listened and shed tears with Carol as Carol had shared about the utter devastation of the previous months.
Carol thought if the roles had been reversed, she might have raised her voice, just a little, to make her point before grabbing up Therese in her arms and kissing her senseless.
She didn’t quite understand how Therese could love her, that much.
Now they had been living together a few months, most days at Therese’s apartment, occasional days and the times Carol saw Rindy at Carol’s apartment. They had settled into a rhythm together, morning routines like a dance, off in a shared taxi to their separate workplaces, occasional lunch “dates,” evenings mostly staying in but occasionally seeing Abby or Dannie and Phil, and long nights (and to be honest, long weekends, long lunches, and long early mornings) getting to know each other and every inch of each other’s bodies.
That first night, coming here after the Oak Room, everything had been all Therese, as it should have been, Carol believed. After a few weeks, however, Carol had begun to notice that most times she was the one initiating intimacy with Therese. Once she did, Therese was more than eager, so Carol was not sure if she should be concerned or not. So she said nothing. Regardless, the lovemaking, Carol found, was liberating. She felt known as she had never before.
That morning at the “Blue Place,” as they had started calling Therese’s apartment, had started out innocently enough. They had woken up and had coffee (heavy with cream as Therese liked it) and breakfast before Carol headed to the bathroom to get ready for work. Therese had slipped into the shower behind Carol while she was washing her hair and began kissing her shoulders, tentatively running her hands over Carol’s hips. Carol gasped, surprised and delighted at Therese’s initiative, yet mindful of the time. She flicked water at Therese over her shoulder with a laugh. “Darling, you will make us both late if you keep that up.”
Immediately she felt Therese step back, removing her hands and lips from Carol’s body.
“Oh,” Therese said. “Ok.”
The disappointment in Therese’s voice caused Carol to turn around as she rinsed the shampoo from her hair. Dammit, she thought. “Darling?” Carol tried to catch Therese’s eye, but she had shifted, and was fiddling with the nail brush. “You know I want to, it’s just” –
“No,” Therese waved a hand at Carol, “it’s ok. It’s fine.” She picked up the soap. “Are you almost done? I can wash up quick and we can leave. Wouldn’t want to be late.”
Carol picked up the tiniest edge of a bite in Therese’s words, but chose to stay calm. “Of course, darling.” She passed her head one more time under the falling water, and then began squeezing out her hair. “All yours.”
They dressed quietly. Carol knew Therese was brooding, but wasn’t sure what to do. Clearly Therese didn’t want to talk about it, and Carol didn’t want to push her. They gathered up their things and headed for the door. Carol leaned in to kiss Therese before they headed out into the world.
“Darling, remind me when you’re get home again today?”
“I think late again, 6, maybe 6:30.” She had kissed Carol back, but distantly, as if she were distracted.
“Hmm. I’ll be finished up by 5. Should I come meet you? Wait for you somewhere?”
Therese sighed. “Oh, I don’t know Carol, whatever you think.”
Carol furrowed her brow, puzzled by Therese’s tone. “This would be easier if you gave me a key, you know?”
There was silence. Carol knew instantly it was not the right thing to say. Therese was chewing at her lower lip and looking at the ground, a hand nervously tapping on her thigh.
“I mean, I don’t…” Carol paused, unsure and beginning to feel frustrated. “Well, you have my key. It just seems easier, don’t you think? With our schedules? Therese?” She sighed and shifted her bag when Therese didn’t respond. “What do you want, darling?”
Therese’s head had snapped up, looking Carol right in the eye. Carol was certain she had never seen the bristling flash of anger in Therese’s eyes as she did in this moment. Why was she so angry? And why wouldn’t she say anything? Carol turned and reached for the doorknob.
"Well, you can ask for what you want, Therese,” she said, frustrated. “Just tell me where to meet you. Shall we go?”
“I can ask for what I want.”
Carol turned back around at the sharp whip of sarcasm in Therese’s voice. She was startled to see Therese’s eyes ablaze, chest rising and falling with anger and pain.
“I can ask for what I want. Can I? Can I really?” Therese’s eyes did not leave Carol’s.
“Of course, darling, of course you can.” Carol reached for Therese’s hand, confused and trying to comfort her, but Therese jerked her hand away and stepped back.
“Are you sure? Are you sure about that?” Therese’s voice shook low in anger.
“Well of course!” Carol was at a loss, but also felt her own anger mounting. “Why ever not? You’re making us late, come on, Therese.” Her voice was sharp in a way she didn’t like.
“I’m just supposed to give you my key, like it’s nothing. Because” – she waved a hand – “schedules,” she spit out. “Like it’s nothing. Like it’s so easy. So easy for you, to just give me your key.”
“Therese, what the hell” –
“No!” Therese’s voice was raised now, her hand with her keys in it gripped at her side. “I can ask for what I want. Really? Really, Carol?”
“I…Therese, calm down, what’s” –
“I asked you for what I wanted,” Therese shouted. “In Waterloo. And you left.”
Carol gasped and stumbled a step back as silence crashed down between them, sudden and cracking. She swallowed. Therese’s words had stung, as if she had slapped Carol across the face. There was truth to those words, Carol hated to admit.
Therese blinked twice, eyes wet with tears; she was flushed, and seemed to shudder as she looked away. She looks lost, Carol thought, lost and scared. What in the world do I say to this?
“Therese…” Carol whispered as gently as she could.
“Let’s just go, Carol,” Therese muttered without looking up. “We’re late. Let’s just go.”
They did not speak to each other all the way down to the street, nor in the taxi. Only when Therese got out at the Times did Carol reach for her, touching her hand. “Have a good day, darling,” she said quietly.
Therese just nodded, giving Carol a long look. Not angry, Carol realized looking into the emotions swirling in Therese’s gaze, hurting and scared. “I’ll see you later?” Therese paused, then nodded again, just once, then turned and walked to her building.