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In the past six months, I've grown to appreciate Eva Stratt more and more.
Sure, she essentially doomed me to die alone in space. However, she also sent the Hail Mary with not only the entirety of Wikipedia and all of the world's academic databases, but also every copyrighted work ever. I can't imagine she got off scot-free for that, but if anyone can violate that many laws at once and get away with it, it'd probably be her. I don't actually know if it's technically all of them, but it might as well be. Either way, I'm never going to finish them all.
Rocky doesn't seem to be a big fan of Earth TV. I think it's because it's mostly a visual medium, and even with his texturizer thing, he doesn't really get the full experience. He is, however, a big fan of audiobooks; technically, we don't have any audiobooks, but apparently one function of the ship's AI is reading things out loud. Handy.
Recently, he's been really into Wikipedia articles about psychology concepts, since apparently there's a page that's just a list of all of them. I've seen it. There must be hundreds. He's also been asking me about my own experiences with them. He's almost all the way through the A's now. I remember because he asked me a few days ago about amnesia. Let's just say I'm familiar.
Ever since he discovered the wonders of Wikipedia, it's been difficult to get him to watch anything with me. Not impossible, though. He'll cave if I ask him really nicely, or if I start bothering him while he's working on something by whining "please please please" at him for a few minutes. (He's still much better at persuading me than I am him, though.)
The movies on board aren't organized very well, and I don't even remember which movies I like until I see them. This isn't because of the anterograde amnesia (see, kids, that's how you use a vocab word!); I think I just never bothered to keep a list. It doesn't help that there are literally petabytes worth of movies on here and searching the file system with a single query takes an hour and forty minutes. Yes, I timed it.
What's been a somewhat depressing day so far turns right around when I find Legally Blonde and Clueless in a folder with a bunch of Hallmark rom-coms I'd hate.
I could watch them by myself. Usually that just makes me feel sad, though. Either that, or Rocky does come around later and then asks me a bunch of questions about the plot. Maybe he'd know what's happening if he, I don't know, bothered to watch the beginning.
-
I need to pick these battles carefully. There are many movies to watch, and I ought to prioritize the really essential ones. Counterpoint: we're going to be here for like three years with nothing to do, and also, Legally Blonde is essential, and I'll fight anyone who wants to disagree with me on that.
I'm still not sure how much Rocky understands about the nuances of human cinema. Or if he has what we'd call "media literacy." Eridians do have entertainment, but it's mostly audio-based, or live shows.
I don't know if it's offensive to make Rocky watch movies if he technically can barely see them. Ultimately, it doesn't really matter to me. I am very lonely and I deserve to be selfish sometimes.
"Please please please please please —"
Rocky makes an annoyed sound. "Tell you already, I am busy!"
I slump dramatically against the wall of his habitat and make the saddest face I possibly can. "Please?"
"I am try to focus. You are being annoying."
"That's kinda the idea."
He turns back to me abruptly, frustrated. "On Earth, humans live in society all together? Do not understand. Very annoying. Why not kill each other, question?"
I wince. "Ouch."
"Grace not answer question."
I roll my eyes. I still don't know if he can see that — he can detect movement, sure, but I think it's still hard for him to tell which way my eyes are pointing. "People kill each other all the time. Not enough for society to collapse, though."
"Why not more kill, question? Very annoying!"
Nervously, I grin. "Are you saying you wanna kill me?"
Rocky is silent for a moment. "Maybe."
"Alright," I sigh. I decide to relent.
This is how most of our squabbles get solved — by one of us dropping it. I think probably we're both just trying very hard to not piss each other off. If we do, where are we supposed to go?
"… Will you watch it with me later?"
"Sure. Yes. Fine. Grace go away now."
Yes! I win! Though I'm sure he'll ask for a favor or two in return. Not that I'd refuse him, anyway.
-
Rocky doesn't hate Legally Blonde. He has extremely strong but unpredictable opinions on most of the things I show him, so I count this as another win.
He seems excited to be learning about Earth customs. I try to explain to him, to no avail, that the portrayal of our legal system in the movie — while entertaining — is not incredibly realistic.
"Ring is human mating tradition, yes, question?" He asks, as Vivian holds out her hand and admires it.
"Exactly. Most humans that are mates for a long time get them at some point. But not always. I think it's kinda like your tattoo."
He lifts a hand to tap the marking on his arm. "My mark for Adrian, question?"
"Yeah. That is a mating tradition, right? Because you guys mate for life, yeah? Do most Eridians get them?"
"It is like your rings. Many have. Some do not." He brushes his claw back and forth across the mark, seeming lost in thought. Thinking about Adrian, probably. Otherwise, I'm sure he'd be talking my ear off about Eridian mating traditions.
Absentmindedly, I run my thumb over the same spot on my own forearm. The burn mark from when Rocky touched me is still there, but it stopped hurting months ago.
-
"Earth entertainment more educational than I predict."
I sigh.
… You know, it's not like he'd ever find out. I could just tell him that America's legal system is broadly dominated by fun blonde ladies who wear pink.
I forget sometimes that he doesn't know anything about Earth beyond Wikipedia articles and whatever I tell him. Reality can be whatever I want.
"I realize value now. Want to know more. We watch more."
"Oh." I was not expecting that. "Really?"
It sends a small flare of hope through me. It's so stupid that it does that. Small flares of hope should be reserved for things that are actually important. I'm sure he can hear my heart rate jump a little bit.
"Not now. Later. I have work I want finish. Tomorrow same time watch more!"
I watch as he picks up the metal object he was fiddling with and scampers off. I definitely need to build another beetle so I can tell Earth that the movie that convinced him of the value of cinema was Legally Blonde.
-
I pull him aside later to show him all the movies we can watch. Since all of them are impossible to find, I do this using an Excel sheet to which I copy and paste the file addresses and read off movie synopses for him.
"So, a rom-com is a romantic comedy. They're usually lighthearted. And pretty boring. Um, horror —"
"Horror, question?" Rocky interrupts, alarmed.
"Uh, yeah. They're scary. I don't like them that much. Some people are really into them, though." I never liked them even on Earth, but I've developed a strong distaste for space horror. A couple weeks ago I watched Ad Astra or something while Rocky was asleep and had one of the worst panic attacks of my life. No clue why I thought that was a good idea.
I have intentionally not saved the locations of any horror movies besides old slashers because I know I'm way too curious not to watch them if I'm able to. Hey, maybe it'd give Rocky some experience trying to improve my emotional state! Although… he probably gets plenty of that already.
I think when Stratt decided to make me an astronaut, she did not take into consideration my incredibly fragile morale. I'm a good person, sure, but that doesn't really matter if I'm crying too hard to do science.
Rocky shudders. "Do not like scared. Why watch if scary, question?"
Excellent freaking question, Rocky. "Some people… like feeling scared, if they know there's no real danger. Honestly, I don't really get it either."
"I hate feel scary. No watch. No watch." His tone indicates that he feels quite strongly about this. I'd assumed that Eridians would be less affected by emotions in fiction, but maybe even Rocky has his limits.
"Alright. No watch." I highlight the rows with the slashers and clear the text. I guess that's one thing we have in common.
While I'm at it, I also remove Interstellar. It used to be my favorite movie, but after the Ad Astra Incident™, I'm not risking it.
-
I'm not cruel enough to subject him to the MCU, but I do put on the first Iron Man movie. He doesn't like it nearly as much as I expected.
"Why?"
He taps a claw as he thinks. "You say not watch horror. No scary. You lie. This scary."
Oh. That… makes sense. I guess the line between horror and action is pretty subjective, isn't it? I wonder how much violence is in Eridian fiction. "I'm really sorry. I didn't think about that."
"Obvious," he mutters.
"I'm trying to apologize! You don't have to be rude!"
He makes a grumbly sound.
"Silent treatment. Real mature."
"I do not like scary movie."
Guilt pangs in my gut. "Yeah, I… I got that. Don't worry. I'll be careful." I guess from now on we're just watching chick flicks and bad rom-coms.
-
The good news is that Rocky wants to watch movies with me. Yay!
The bad news is that he wants to watch all the movies. Thankfully, I successfully explain to him that while he may have a lifespan of several hundred years, I will literally die before I can finish them all. He settles for watching a few movies from every type of movie instead. My spreadsheet gets color-coded by genre.
Today, we're watching one of the annoying Hallmark Christmas movies. There must be literally thousands of them on here, by the way. I try very hard not to think about the fact that I have no idea when Christmas even is here. Oh my god, I don't even know when Christmas is here.
I can't say I'm interested in the movie. I was never big on rom-coms, even if they were interesting. This one is not interesting.
At the moment, the male lead is consoling the female lead. They're going to… lose the farm, or something. I wasn't really paying attention. I've never understood romance. Actually, that's a lie — I understood romance in hit 2011 animated film Rio, and that's about it.
Of course the nerdy science guy doesn't understand romance, right? I swear, that's not the problem here. I've met much nerdier people than me who can maintain healthy relationships.
I have a history with romance, one which is filled with a lot of confusion, but almost no interesting drama to speak of. My love life is very boring. I don't think I'm gay, but I guess I'll never be sure. Can you tell I was really anxious in high school?
… I wonder if Stratt sent the Hail Mary with any of those "Am I Gay?" Buzzfeed quizzes.
When my ex broke up with me, I was devastated, but I don't know how much of that was because of Linda herself and how much of it was just because of the fact that I got dumped. If you're wondering how that went for me, it went about as stupidly as everything else in my life, which is to say that I experienced a two-week-long depressive spiral in which I played Stardew Valley non-stop. Don't get me wrong, it's a great game, but I haven't touched it before or since.
Saying goodbye to Rocky was awful. And this time, I'm pretty sure it was because I care about him. How does it make any sense that I care about him more than I've ever cared for anyone else? That I wasn't willing to die to save the lives of billions of people, but I accepted that I was probably going to starve just to make sure he was okay? Even though we can't kiss or have sex or whatever? I physically can't even touch him. The scar on my forearm is a constant reminder.
I think I loved Stratt, in a way. The thought of dating her makes me want to jump out of the airlock, but I admired her, and I cared about her a lot more than she probably would have approved of. I'm still not sure if I forgive her or not.
Sometimes, when I get really depressed, I tell myself that if I ever go back to Earth, I will find Eva Stratt and I will punch her as hard as I can in the face. It would probably get me tasered or jumped by FBI agents or something, but the thought brings me solace. Whether I decide to forgive her or not, I still want to punch her.
Relativity is weird, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be 40 soon, and I still don't understand how different types of relationships are supposed to work. I guess the years in space aren't going to help. I get attached to everyone mostly the same way. Oh my god, is that why I was so much sadder than everyone else to say goodbye to my high school teachers? Because I made friends with all of them, because I was an insufferable nerd?
Rocky makes a frustrated noise.
"What's up?"
"He is saying, will save the house. Will be with mate and everything will be alright. He is lying. Big big big lie! We are supposed to like him, question? Why, question?"
"It's not about the truth. He just wants to make her feel better."
"How lying make better, question? Lying make worse! Bad bad bad! Should be telling how to fix. How to save house."
I pause for a second to put the words together. "Humans… don't really work like that. She doesn't want to worry about fixing things. She just wants to feel better."
Like the world isn't collapsing around her. Like there's someone who can make it okay even if they really can't. I've been there. "We're — humans are really bad at thinking when we're upset. So if you try to… fix it, with thinking, it won't really help."
"This is true. You are very stupid when leak from eyes." I wonder if he's documenting that somehow. Maybe by the time we get to Erid he'll have a whole report written up on human behavior.
"Yeah. Very stupid. Sometimes we don't want a solution. We just want someone to tell us everything's gonna be okay. It's like… a weird way of saying that she doesn't have to worry about it. The guy will worry about it for her."
"I understand this. It is like watching when sleep."
"Yeah, pretty much."
"… Why human put mouth together, question?"
"Huh? Oh, you mean kissing."
"Yes. Do not know word."
If Rocky thinks humans eating is gross… Never mind. "It's an expression of affection. It doesn't always have to be on the mouth, though. That's mostly for — people who are mates."
"Put mouth on things is affection, question?"
"Yeah. Well — it's not just putting your mouth on things, there's like… a certain way you move your mouth for a kiss. We kind of scrunch it up." I make a duck-face to demonstrate. "Mwah."
"Make mouth shape stupid and put on things."
I throw my hands up. "You think everything is stupid."
"My analysis objective. Stop doing stupid things."
Instead of responding to that, I lean over and plant a kiss on the side of Rocky's xenonite ball. He emits a startled little chirp.
"You are very strange," he mutters. He sounds so confused I can't help but start laughing.
-
Today is not a good day.
To start with, I didn't sleep much and I haven't eaten since yesterday. Soon I'm going to run out of actual, real food, and this morning in particular I know I'm definitely going to throw up if I try eating any of the coma slurry. So nothing for now.
What really bothers me about this situation isn't just that it's happening. I feel like the ratio of bad days to good days has been steadily increasing for a while now, and I'm not sure what to do about it.
I haven't seen much of Rocky since I woke up. I'm not sure what he's working on right now.
Today is a bad day. Bad bad bad. I'm reminded of why I shouldn't work on experiments when I'm tired-stupid, as Rocky would call it, when I try to pick up a sensitive glass instrument and it slips completely out of my trembling fingers and shatters on the floor.
My fingers have been shaking pretty badly these days, even when I'm not tired. Of course this had to happen. All of our beakers are made of some kind of reinforced plastic. I had to drop the one thing I was using that's actually fragile.
It's stupid. It's so stupid. No. Don't cry. Do not start crying now. No.
A sob comes out before I can stop it. I sink to the floor and bury my face in my hands.
Knowing that sleep deprivation can cause mild hysteria doesn't actually help when I get hysterical. I think about everything I really don't want to be thinking about. Like how I'm definitely going to starve on the way to Erid because I'm too much of a baby to eat gross food. And that Rocky's definitely not going to spend most of his time with me anymore if we do make it to Erid together. And that even if he does it won't end happily for him, because my lifespan is a tenth of his and I'm already halfway through it! I'm going to die!
I'm going to die.
Beneath the looping "I'm going to die" I hear a soft clunking sound, getting louder.
"Grace?"
My throat won't let me greet him. I shake my head and emit a rather pathetic whine.
"Breathe too fast." Curse Rocky's stupid hypersensitive hearing. "What is problem, question? Pain, question?"
"N-no — No pain."
More clunks. "Oxygen levels normal. Ship stable."
"I know!" I wail. I've always thought it's cringe when people call someone Captain Obvious. I don't care. Rocky is being Captain Obvious.
"Oh. Understand."
I lift my head just enough to see him roll up to me until the xenonite shell bumps against my side. He sits down against the wall, next to me.
"Everything alright. Grace and Rocky okay. Safe safe safe. I watch."
I make a very sad sound somewhere between a sob and a hiccup.
"All okay. Safe."
My forehead falls against the xenonite. I close my eyes. "Okay. Okay."
"Yes. I watch."
An indeterminate amount of time goes by in silence. Or — not total silence. Sometimes Rocky makes a sort of quiet humming sound when he's focusing on something and not talking. He's doing that now. I think it's a little louder than it usually is. Maybe he's doing that so he knows I can hear it.
I breathe in vaguely stale air. That's one thing the Hail Mary's robust climate controlling system isn't designed for — here, it either smells like nothing, or it smells vaguely burnt, like when you turn on a space heater that's been sitting unused for a while and it has to burn off the dust that's settled on it.
"Grace okay, question?"
"… Yeah, I'm fine. Tired."
"Sleep!"
I gesture feebly at the shards of glass in front of me. "I have to clean up the —"
"I clean! Sleep now."
I frown at him, still in his hamster-ball contraption. "How exactly are you gonna —"
"I clean! Go to sleep! Stop worry, I take care of it."
I don't know what solution he has in mind for this. I'm certainly not in a state to help him brainstorm something. And then, I realize what's different about his behavior right now, something that's been nagging at me — he's doing this the human way. Prioritizing reassuring me, rather than trying to fix all my problems first.
I scrub a hand over my face. "Okay. Alright. Fine."
"Good! Sleep now. I clean and watch."
I'm about to ask him how he expects to watch me while he's cleaning up, and then I remember his insane super-hearing. I wonder if it's overwhelming to perceive every nook and cranny of the Hail Mary at all times.
-
I make us watch Rio for our next movie night, because my emotional state has been fragile recently and I want something I'm familiar with. He doesn't really understand the point of animated movies.
"Not real, question?"
"it's — well, all of these movies have been not real so far. Fiction. But animated movies are movies we draw. It used to just be flat drawings done on paper, but now we can draw them with computers."
"You tell me thinking machine very hard to use. Why make movies with machine, question? Not easier to make normal, question?"
"It's hard to make a live-action movie about birds. They're not really smart enough to act."
Rio is one of my favorite animated movies because the romance plot doesn't feel as shoehorned into it as they normally do. We're chained-to-each-other birds, remember? It gets me every time. Couldn't tell you why.
"This like you and me!" Rocky exclaims.
"What is? Chained-to-each-other birds?"
"You stay with me because need fuel, engineering. Do not need to save me. But you come back, save me."
"Course I did."
I won't lie, it wasn't an easy decision. But I've heard that people tend to regret the things they don't do instead of the things they do. If I hadn't turned around, it would've eaten me up until the day I died.
Being with Rocky for the rest of my life isn't so bad, anyway. He's good company, he's a genius, and he's the best friend I've ever had. As long as I don't think about what I'm missing on Earth.
"Do not have to help me. But you come back. Hurts you forever. Come back anyway. It is like movie."
On the screen, Blu miraculously discovers the power of flight just in time to save both of them. You need someone to be brave for.
"You're saying we're — chained-to-each-other aliens."
"Yes."
It's not inaccurate. So I guess he does have media literacy.
I don't mind being a chained-to-each-other alien if I'm chained to Rocky, as dark as it may sound. I'm flattered at the implication that we're roughly as important to each other as we'd be if the situation was romantic.
-
Rocky is not feeling well today.
It's hard to tell. When he talks, his voice is more monotone than usual, but the damning piece of evidence is that he's been sitting very still and watching me for the past few hours. He hasn't been fidgeting with anything. He's always fidgeting with something. At first I thought he might have fallen asleep, but he's adjusted his sitting position a few times.
At least, I think he's watching me. That's something I still haven't quite gotten used to — even if a human is wearing sunglasses or something, they'll usually be facing you if they're watching you. Rocky doesn't even have to be in the same room to see me.
Other than his abrupt sullenness, he seems to be fine physically. So that's good, at least.
I still don't really know if Eridians can get sick or not. They have robust immune systems, and their blood is insanely hot, but to live on Erid in the first place, any pathogen would have to be at least mostly heat-resistant. Even Earth has microorganisms that can survive inside lakes that are literally boiling. It's not a stretch.
I leave briefly to eat. When I come back, he's in exactly the same spot as before.
"Rocky? Are you alright?"
"Not injured."
"No, I meant — you seem kind of… sad."
"Worried."
Normally, that'd concern me. But seeing as he hasn't come up to me yelling emergency emergency emergency yet, it's probably not life-threatening. "About what?"
He's silent for longer than it usually takes him to think up a reply. "Adrian."
"What about them? I'm sure they'll be okay, right? It's gonna be a long time before the astrophage makes Erid's ecosystem collapse."
"Not health. I worry… hm. You remember we watch movie with lawyer person, question?"
"Legally Blonde, yeah."
"Lawyer person mate leaves. Finds new mate. I am thinking if Adrian has done same."
"I thought you told me Eridians can have multiple mates."
"Does not mean Adrian still love me," Rocky says, his voice dropping. "I have been gone for long long time."
"I don't think you have anything to worry about," I say. "First of all, Warner did that in the movie because he's a jerk. Is Adrian a jerk?"
"No," Rocky replies hesitantly. "But maybe not important. I am gone for long time."
This isn't working. Okay. It's time for Plan B: Drunk-girl-in-club-bathroom pep talk.
I sit down on the floor and put my palm against the wall between us. "Okay. Rocky."
He makes a frustrated sound.
"You are funny, and kind. And also adorable, for whatever that's worth. You are, without a doubt, the smartest person I have ever met in my life."
"Eridians do math much faster. I am only Eridian you meet."
I shake my head. "No. Nuh-uh. That's not what I mean. You're smart. I haven't met any other Eridians yet, but I'm pretty sure you're still smart for an Eridian. You're creative and good at problem-solving. You're a great lab partner."
An image comes into my mind of being back on Earth, in the astrophage research lab, carrying around Rocky in some kind of airlock suit like a very heavy sapient backpack.
It's been difficult for me to imagine living on Earth again — I don't know what havoc the astrophage has wreaked on the ecosystem and I can't remember a good amount of my early adulthood very clearly.
When I think of Earth, I think of being happy. And, it's… hard to picture myself happy without Rocky there. So he always is. In his hamster-ball or in some kind of specialized EVA suit. I can picture myself trying to lift his ball onto that table that was at the front of my old classroom. I know it's never going to happen.
"I don't know about Adrian. But you're my favorite person, at least."
"Because I am only person," Rocky snaps.
I don't think that's it, though. I'm sure there were plenty of Eridians on Rocky's ship who I wouldn't have gotten along with at all, and I'm sure that if I'd somehow met Rocky on Earth we would have clicked anyway. I might be letting human sentimentality get in the way of rational thought, but it doesn't make saying it feel any less true.
"I knew a lot of people on Earth, Rocky. You're still my favorite."
He doesn't say anything else. I think maybe he's as afraid to hear it as I am to say it.
"If I didn't see you for a long time, you'd still be my favorite. I think you're probably still Adrian's favorite too. But," I add, "if Adrian doesn't want you anymore for some reason, they're nuts."
"Adrian is food, question?" Rocky asks, confused.
"No, it's — it's like another word for 'crazy.' If you're nuts, you're crazy. Insane. Adrian's crazy if they don't care about you anymore."
"I do not think Adrian is crazy."
"Me neither. So you're gonna be fine! And if not, they don't deserve you. Got it?"
He seems to lose himself in thought again. "Adrian maybe is little bit crazy. Have to be a little bit crazy, if want to become scientist. But you are correct. Not food insane crazy."
"Hey, I'm a scientist. Are you saying I'm crazy?"
"I am saying we are crazy."
I laugh. Rocky emits an odd noise which I've come to recognize as something similar.
-
Rocky doesn't like Idiocracy. He thinks it's stupid. Listen, I'm used to him calling things I like stupid. It's already happened with solitaire, Guns N' Roses, watermelons, and a research article about an orb-weaving spider.
"Stupid is fun sometimes!" I protest.
"Stupid not fun. Stupid is stupid! Stupid make you die!"
I purse my lips. "New word. Silly. Means fun stupid."
"Fun stupid," Rocky echoes flatly. He doesn't buy it.
"Yeah. Like… absurd, ridiculous. Silly. A lot of Earth movies are silly."
He considers this, tapping one of his little claws. "Understand. It is like sarcasm."
I never thought of it like that before. They're two kinds of self-aware comedy, I guess. "Yeah, kind of."
"Eridian word is ♪♫. You are silly when ask to watch movie. Yes, question?"
I cringe a bit. "Yeah."
"Silly less fun for me after twenty minute of say please please please."
"How else am I supposed to get you to pay attention to me?" I ask, pouting.
He clicks his claws. "We have word for people like you. Need have attention all of time. All time all time all time or get grumpy. Annoying."
I bite my lip and try not to laugh. "Attention seeker?"
"Meaning is same. But my word, more mean."
"… Attention whore?"
"What is second word, question?"
"Never mind."
-
"Your list missing type of movie," Rocky notes over my shoulder.
I scan through it quickly. "No, it's not. I removed all the scary ones, remember?"
"No. Other type. Was never on list."
I turn to look at him. I don't think I've forgotten a genre… but I'm not good at keeping track of things like that. "What type?"
"Type of movie about mating. I hear on human encyclopedia page."
"Oh my god. I'm not watching porn with you."
He seems to deflate.
"Boundaries," I say quickly before he can ask again. "This is boundary."
"Okay," Rocky agrees grumpily. I guess it's a mark of how close we are that I actually was kind of considering it, even if it was for half a second or so.
-
There's a neat thing bacteria do where they take DNA from the environment or from other organisms and then recombine it into their own genome. This is useful for a few reasons — in the early stages of life on Earth, genes were generic enough that any of them you could pick up from the seawater around you would probably be useful somehow. You can also use this to clone a DNA molecule for testing if you need more of them.
It's also a decent analogy for what Rocky is doing: absorbing information from the movies we've watched, then taking that and attempting to use it to interact with me more effectively.
The reason I'm thinking about it is because I cannot figure out how Taumoeba stores genetic information. It's essential for understanding them, but also — if they're similar to Earth's prokaryotes — maybe I can get them to produce organic molecules for me. Like… fructose, or something. I'm sure it's not healthy to eat piles of sugar, but it would sure be a heck of a lot more fun than eating nothing but tasteless sludge for a year and a half.
They don't have dentists on Erid. I'm going to ruin my teeth.
Unfortunately, it's moot, because I still can't figure the stupid things out. They seem to have organelles like Earth cells do, but either they don't have genes stored in a central location or I'm too chronically stressed and tired to find them.
I wish I could get Rocky to take a look at them for me. He's smart. But he's not a biologist, and he also can't use microscopes. I wonder if I could make him something that hooks up the lens to his texture tablet somehow.
"What are you looking at, question?"
"Taumoeba."
"You are always looking at Taumoeba," Rocky grumbles.
"Maybe I can breed them to taste good," I mumble. Breeding them for nitrogen tolerance worked well, so clearly they are capable of some amount of intraspecies variation. To check if they taste good, though, I'd have to eat them, and if I eat them they'll be dead and can't reproduce. Ugh.
I press my face against the top of the lab table. Astrophage can store tons of energy — could I eat those? It wouldn't taste like anything, but I'd have to eat a really small amount to get the same amount of calories I'd get from normal food. I'm guessing the main obstacle to this is the fact I wouldn't be able to digest them.
"Why are you always look at Taumoeba still, question? Learn anything new in past six month, question?"
"Mngh. Nothing important." Most of my research, if you can even call it that, has consisted of poking them with nanosyringes and trying to get them to eat random chemicals we have stores of.
"You are tired," he observes. "Sleep more."
"I already slept for like twelve hours. And I've only been awake for three. I don't think sleep is my problem."
This phenomenon has been happening more and more often — a bone-deep exhaustion that's still present even when I sleep just fine. It can't be good news, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I did run a test, and thankfully I don't have radiation poisoning, at least.
Stratt's face, wrinkled by age, appears in my mind, my fist connecting with her cheekbone. It doesn't really help that much.
"Tell me what is problem! I fix."
"I'm just tired lately. It's not something you can fix."
"Do not understand. You are tired but sleep will not fix, question? Humans very very strange."
I shrug. "That's just how it is."
"Problem not have cause. Emotional."
"Uh-huh."
"Fix emotional problems, more difficult."
"Yeah, you're telling me." I always had some trouble with that kind of thing. I've been to therapy, but for some reason, it just doesn't really work on me.
"You have many emotional problem. All humans have same amount, question? Disaster. Earth, disaster disaster disaster planet." His word for disaster is a series of little chirps. It's weirdly cute for what it actually means.
"Eh. Most people don't have as many problems as me."
He falls quiet, fidgeting. When he speaks again, his voice has lost its sarcastic air, and he sounds uncertain. "I am sorry. I wish other humans with you and help instead of me."
"Don't say that. You're doing great. Relatively speaking, anyway."
He takes a little while to reply. I don't think he believes me. "We watch movie."
"Wh — now?" It's not supposed to be movie night today.
I lean over to check on my Taumoeba. The stupid thing has moved out of my microscope's field of view while I wasn't looking. I'll have to switch back to a lower objective and find it again. Dang it.
"Watch movie together make Grace happy. We watch. You pick movie, question?"
I glance at the microscope. I'm definitely not making any progress on this today. "Sure."
Maybe I should go grab one of the blankets off my bunk. Why couldn't Stratt have had the foresight to send us with hot chocolate? We've got ridiculous amounts of coffee, but it's just not the same.
-
I'm starting to realize that Earth movies really only have, like, two genres. There's movies about scary things (this includes action, mystery, horror, etc.) and then there's movies about romance (everything else, sometimes including scary movies too. Because neither me nor Rocky have any interest in scary, this is turning into a marathon of romance movies.
The Princess Bride does have mortal peril involved, but I'm hoping it has enough silliness to not be classified as a scary movie. I guess we'll find out. Rocky is apprehensive, but he agrees to watch it after I reassure him several times that everyone important will be fine.
"You say this is fantasy story," Rocky protests, as the opening scene of the grandfather and his grandson plays. "This is not fantasy."
"It is fantasy, I promise. Be patient," I chide. It's a near-perfect reenactment of what happens, on the screen, about a minute later. It's funny that Rocky's the grandson in this situation, since he's several times my age.
"Child is asking all questions I am thinking. All Earth movie should be like this," Rocky declares.
Much like the grandson, he doesn't like the part with the eels. I recall not liking it very much either when I was a kid.
"Human is climbing so high on rocks. Dangerous." Rocky shudders.
"People climb that high all the time. Just… usually they'll wear a harness or something so they don't fall."
"Humans very squishy and fragile. Too much. Die very very very easy. Should stay close to ground, all of time."
I have an insane image in my head of Rocky putting me on a leash and tying me down to a fence post around sea level. "Oh, man. Wait until I tell you about airplanes."
"I do not know this word."
"It's like a big vehicle that flies really high in the air. About six miles, I think, above the ground. It can go a lot faster than land vehicles, so people use it to travel long distances quickly."
"Scary scary scary. Grace not allowed to ride scary fly vehicle anymore."
Inconceivable! Vizzini's tinny shriek comes through the speaker for what must be the fifteenth time.
You keep using that word, Inigo replies. I do not think it means what you think it means.
"What does word mean, question? Not hear before."
"Inconceivable? Uh, it means unbelievable, kind of. So, honestly, I think Vizzini does know what it means." That part still confuses me. "It's like absurd. Ridiculous, preposterous."
Rocky's voice takes on a tone I can recognize as snark. "You eat dictionary, question?"
"Rude."
He snickers.
-
"New word: movie marathon. That's what it's called when you watch a ton of movies in a row."
"That is two words."
"You know what I meant."
He's currently fiddling with a mass of wire, and is weaving it into some sort of pattern. My working theory is that he found a book about crocheting somewhere and is attempting to crochet with metal instead of string for some reason. It could just as easily be knitting, though. I can't tell them apart.
New experiment idea: test out which types of fibers can resist his atmosphere without burning up. We have plenty of articles stating the temperatures at which certain materials will catch fire, but I don't know how extra pressure and the ammonia would affect that. We don't have any yarn on board, but there's plenty of cloth around in the form of clothing and duffel bags and stuff. Ilyukhina's skirts won't miss a stitch or two if I pull them out.
I stopped being able to pick which movie to watch a while ago, so I've just been going down the list. Right now, we're on Clueless. I don't think Rocky is paying any attention to it at all anymore, but I'm not upset about it. It's enough that he's willing to sit here with me.
Instead of watching the movie, I find myself watching Rocky work on his arts-and-crafts project. I still don't know if it's crocheting or knitting or something else that he's doing, but he's definitely weaving something. I've always wondered if wire is hard for him to see, considering it's so thin, so not much area to bounce sound waves off of.
"What are you making, anyway?"
"Weaving."
"No, I meant what are you weaving?"
"Weaving material."
Naturally. "I don't know why I talk to you sometimes."
"Because you ♪♫♪♪♪♪♪ me," he chimes, entirely too pleased with himself.
The translator doesn't pick up the word in the middle, but I recognize it — it's just way longer than usual. He said, because you looooooove me, drawing out the word like he's heard me do when I'm being annoying on purpose — no, wait, not annoying. He's being silly, I think.
He's right. I do love him. More than almost anything.
I can hear Cher's ridiculous voice echoing in my head now. Oh my god! I love Rocky! I am majorly, totally, butt-crazy in love with Rocky!
"Yup," I say. I press a kiss to the wall between us, around where the top of his carapace is on the other side.
Instead of startling, he makes a little noise akin to a cheer and goes back to weaving. I can't figure out a pattern in the way he's moving the wire. It's hard to take my eyes off of him.
I still don't really get romance, but in most of the ways that matter, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with Rocky. Head-over-heels, stupid in love.
I'm fine with that. It's not a bad deal at all.
-
"Grace. Grace. Grace."
"… huh?" I crack an eye open. I don't remember closing them.
Rocky taps the xenonite beneath my cheek. "Movie done."
"Mhm."
"Late. Go to bed."
"No." It's warm here. The rest of the ship is cold.
"Need sleep."
"'M sleeping here."
"Cannot sleep here. Will have pain tomorrow."
I ignore him.
"Tomorrow Grace have pain. You spend all day complain, say, hurts hurts hurts! I will say I tell you would happen and you not listen!"
"G'night, Rocky."
A pause, and then a soft hum. "Goodnight."