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It had been almost three months now since Misaki and Saruhiko had first confessed their feelings for one another. It hadn’t exactly been the most romantic of conversations; they’d been arguing (as they often did- the first few steps of their reconciliation had unsurprisingly been somewhat clumsy) and the confession had just sort of slipped out of Misaki’s mouth. The conversation that followed had been long and awkward and difficult, but the ultimate conclusion was that Misaki’s feelings were indeed requited. No decision was been made about what they’d do with this information, however.
Nonetheless, in the weeks following, they’d slowly drifted into what everyone but them would call a relationship. They rejected the idea of being “boyfriends” for as long as they could, but there was only so long they could hold out before they were forced to admit that, yes, all the kissing and the bed-sharing and the going out on dates together did in fact mean that they were dating. Of course, they had tried to keep it on the down-low, but neither of them were particularly subtle and rumours travelled fast in both Homra and Sceptre 4, so it turned out that most of their fellow clansmen knew they were dating before they even did themselves.
As much as he was reluctant to admit it out loud, Misaki greatly enjoyed having Saruhiko as a boyfriend, but as time went on, he found himself becoming jittery around his new partner, and initially he hadn’t really been sure why that was.
Before they got together, Misaki had only had indecent dreams once in a blue moon, but now he could barely go a few days without waking up in a cold sweat and having to sneak off to the bathroom to take care of himself, desperately trying not to wake his boyfriend as he slipped out of the bed. Those sorts of thoughts weren’t limited to the small hours of the morning either; as time went on, Misaki found himself getting increasingly distracted by them during the daytime as well. Even just simple things like seeing Saruhiko leave for work in the morning in his (very flattering) uniform would conjure a whirlwind of intrusive thoughts spinning through Misaki’s head and send heat trickling down his spine to pool in the pit of his stomach, and kisses that lasted any longer than a few seconds would leave him with an uncomfortable tightness in his underwear.
It wasn’t long before Misaki put two and two together; even he wasn’t so dense that he didn’t know what was going on: he wanted to take the next step in their relationship. Even with that realisation though, he was still left with the problem that he didn’t have the faintest idea of how to bring that up with Saruhiko. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to; he was almost convinced he’d never be able to have that kind of conversation with him without stuttering over every other word and making a total fool of himself, his face burning the entire time.
With his inhibitions lowered by those distracting thoughts, he’d even begun to push his own boundaries. With the exponential increase in ‘alone time,’ came an increase in his pornography consumption, and a change in the kind of things he was typing into the search bar. Misaki had known he was interested in men for a few years now, but he’d always existed in a kind of uneasy truce with his sexuality, and with the possibility that he might not be interested in women at all. As such, he’d tried to reinforce his faltering attraction to the opposite sex as much as possible, which meant guy-on-guy porn was an absolute no-no. Now that he was actually dating a man though, he reasoned it would be weird if he didn’t at least test the waters, so to speak, but it had ended up creating more questions than it answered.
Aside from anything else, the way his vision had blurred in a way he’d never experienced before had confirmed that he wasn’t as interested in women as he’d previously thought. But part of him had always known that, really, so more troubling to him were the errant thoughts the videos had planted in his head. He hadn’t been completely oblivious as to what sex between two men usually entailed, but the videos of attractive guys with either their own or their partner’s fingers inside them seeming to greatly enjoy the sensation had had some unexpected effects on him, one of which being an insatiable curiosity, more powerful even than his own overactive bashfulness. After a few days of particularly insistent dreams, the itch to try it for himself had become impossible to ignore any longer, so he’d bought some lubricant, locked himself in the bathroom, found a promising video of a pretty dark haired boy, then allowed his fingers to stray down between his legs. Something he would never have even considered before he and Saruhiko got together.
He’d told himself he just wanted to try it out, make sure he liked it on his own because finding out he wasn’t into that in the middle of a heated moment with Saruhiko was more humiliating than he could bear to think about. Of course, he was painfully aware that he was kidding himself. While that would indeed have been humiliating, it was a bare-faced lie to say it was anything other than his burning curiosity and raging hormones that had motivated himself to cross that line.
And he soon discovered that it was just as enjoyable as it had looked, if not more so, which only made things a hundred times worse for him. Now that he’d figured out he quite liked having things inside him, he couldn’t stop fantasising about having Saruhiko inside him, and so the intrusive thoughts and indecent dreams only became more aggressive. It wasn’t long until his frustration at not being sure how to make that happen really started to get to him.
As such, he was getting a little tetchier about the virgin jokes. Summer was reaching its peak, so Rikio was at his skinniest, and a small flock of young women was beginning to frequent the bar to flirt with him. Contrary to what he’d expected, Misaki’s revelation about his sexuality had only made his embarrassment around women worse, and Rikio’s admirers couldn’t sit within 30 feet of him without his cheeks heating up. As much as he tried to hide it, his fellow clansmen would pick up on his bashfulness without fail, and the mockery would commence almost immediately.
This time, it was Yō who noticed first.
“Yata-san, you’ve got something on your face,” he said with a smirk.
“H-huh?” Misaki pulled his phone out of his pocket, examining his face on the reflection in the screen.
“You’re all red,” Eric teased.
“Shut up,” Misaki snapped.
“Virgin,” Eric muttered through a cough, and Misaki gritted his teeth, but before he had a chance to reply, Kosuke cut in.
“I thought he was dating Fushimi now?”
“Eh? I thought that was just a rumour!” Shouhei stared at Kosuke as he spoke, looking astonished.
“Why so surprised? If anyone in Homra was gonna be gay…” Eric teased, but Misaki interrupted him.
“I’m not gay! N-not that there’s anythin’ wrong with that… Mikoto-san was into dudes, but I didn’t see any of you makin’ fun of him!”
“But you are dating Fushimi though, aren’t you?” Yō pressed, seeming intrigued by this twist in the gossip.
“No! …Well… sort of… I guess… But I’m not gay!”
“Still a virgin even with a boyfriend?” Eric snorted.
At that point, Rikio, who had been watching his friend with a look of sympathy in his eyes, cut in in his defence. “If they aren’t ready, they aren’t ready, and that’s fine. It’s none of your business anyway. You tease Yata-san about his sexuality when you’re the ones so interested to know what two men get up to in the privacy of their own bedroom.”
Eric and Yō both had the decency to look at least a little bit abashed.
“C’mon Yata-san, I’m gonna go pick up some lunch, you wanna come with?” Rikio offered, fully aware that Misaki would jump at any chance to make sure Rikio was eating in the summer.
“Y-yeah, I’m pretty hungry.” Misaki got quickly to his feet, grateful for the opportunity to escape the gossip.
As soon as they were out of the bar, Misaki mumbled a quick, “Thank you,” under his breath.
“It’s alright. Don’t let those guys make you feel bad for not having done that kind of stuff yet. It’s not as important as some people make it out to be, and if you aren’t ready it’s not a big deal. It’s nobody’s business to tell you what you should be doing, and it’s not a bad thing to be a virgin.”
Misaki nodded stiffly, his cheeks flaming at the subject matter of the conversation. “Thanks…” He sighed. “Doesn’t help that they’re always pestering me about whether or not I’m gay; I haven’t figured that bit out yet…” he muttered.
“That’s okay, that’s another thing that people make out to be super important but it isn’t. Just be you, doesn’t matter what label you put on yourself.”
“Thanks Kamamoto…” Misaki sighed again, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “So… how much do you know about… that sort of stuff anyway. N-not like, sexuality just like… s-sex in general?” He stumbled over the word.
“I wouldn’t say I’m an expert… I’ve done it a few times, I guess.”
“It’s not that like... I don’t want to do it or anything like that; I do. I just don’t know how to go about asking for that kind of thing, I guess. I mean, wouldn’t he have asked if he wanted it? What if he says no?”
“He’s probably just as nervous as you are. Fushimi never struck me as the type to be open about that sort of stuff; just because he hasn’t asked doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to. He probably just doesn’t want to frighten you off.”
“I guess…”
“Just talk to him. Communication is the most important thing.”
“I dunno where to start though.”
“Just say you’ve been together for a little while now and you think he’s attractive and you want to know if he’s open to the idea of starting a sexual relationship or something, I don’t know.” Rikio shrugged.
“I can’t say that! That’s way too embarrassing…”
“If that’s too embarrassing, there’s no way you’re going to cope once clothes start coming off,” Rikio pointed out.
“…Yeah, you’re right.” He let out a reluctant groan. “I’ll talk to him.”
Rikio chuckled. “Good luck. Oh…” he paused, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. He fished around in it for a moment, then pulled a pair of condoms out of it and pressed them into Misaki’s hand. “And be safe.”
“Kamamoto!” Misaki thumped his friend on the top of the head, sounding mortified, but he pocketed the condoms nonetheless.
Rikio merely chuckled at his friend’s embarrassment.
“What’re you laughing about?” Misaki grumbled.
“I’m pleased for you guys; you seem really happy with him,” Rikio said with a smile, which only earned him a swift punch to the side from Misaki.
Later that evening, it was approaching the time Saruhiko usually arrived home from work, and Misaki could feel the jitters beginning to creep back up on him. When the door finally opened, he was wound so tight that the noise startled him.
“You alright?” Saruhiko asked.
“Y-yeah, you just made me jump... How was your day?”
“Same as usual,” he said with a shrug. “Drowning in paperwork.”
“Ah, that sucks.”
“Mm,” Saruhiko agreed as he kicked off his boots and hung up his coat. He then made his way over to Misaki to steal a quick peck on the lips in greeting, but as soon as he pulled away, he felt Misaki’s hand seize his collar and pull him down again for a longer, more urgent kiss. He didn’t seem to object in the slightest as Misaki’s grip on his shirt only tightened, and Saruhiko allowed himself to be dragged down onto the sofa on top of him. When he gave a quiet gasp in surprise, Misaki hesitated for a moment to make sure he was alright, but he was spurred on to continue when Saruhiko’s arms snaked around his waist. There was more enthusiasm in Saruhiko’s movements than usual; it seemed he quite enjoyed having Misaki take the lead, and for once, Misaki was quite happy to do so. His frustration had mounted to the point that it was competing with his usual bashfulness, and it was finally starting to win. He ran his hands down Saruhiko’s sides, and taking the hint, Saruhiko’s hands began to wander too.
The kiss begun to deepen in earnest at that point as Misaki’s tongue pressed past Saruhiko’s lips, and Saruhiko’s breath hitched in his throat. The sound sent a shiver down Misaki’s spine, and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. Instinctively, he switched their positions so that Saruhiko was lying beneath him, his hands shaking as he did so, and a soft groan rose in his chest as Saruhiko’s breathing snagged once more. They’d never done anything like this before; it wasn’t like they hadn’t made out, but it had never been this heated, their hands had never strayed like this, and Misaki had never been hyperaware of every inch of Saruhiko’s skin that was in contact with his own before. Goosebumps rose down his arms as Saruhiko’s fingers trailed down his spine and over the small of his back, then continued lower, until his hand came to rest on his back pocket, groping the flesh beneath the fabric gently.
There was a quiet crinkling sound, and Saruhiko paused. Misaki reluctantly broke the kiss to give him a questioning look.
“What’s this?” Saruhiko asked, drawing the squares of foil out of Misaki’s pocket and raising his eyebrow.
Misaki stared at the condoms’ packaging, feeling his cheeks heating; he’d completely forgotten about them. His mouth opened to explain, but he stumbled over his words until he finally managed to spit out: “Kamamoto gave it to me…”
“Why?”
“The guys were teasing me earlier about being a v-virgin.” He cleared his throat, as though it’d make it easier to force the words out. “And Kamamoto got talking to me on the way home… being reassuring and shit, saying it’s alright to not have… ya know… But then he said when we… I mean… if we… you know.” He paused to take a breath to prevent his stuttering getting any worse. “He said to be s-safe.”
There was a subtle smile on Saruhiko’s face as he listened to Misaki stumble over his words. “Why did he bring that up?”
“I might have… asked him for advice.”
Saruhiko blinked, pausing in thought for a moment. “Advice about sex?”
Misaki nodded, keeping his eyes fixed on the sofa’s upholstery, anywhere but Saruhiko’s eyes. “S-sort of…”
“What do you mean?”
“It was more about how to go about initiating… rather than the actual… ya know.”
“…You want to start having sex?” Saruhiko asked tentatively.
Misaki gave a stiff nod. “I was gonna try and bring it up today… I just… I’m fuckin’ desperate here! I can’t even bear to be around you for too long because I keep having all these inappropriate thoughts and weird dreams and it’s really starting to distract me, seriously! I can barely sleep through the night anymore, it’s not even…”
He stopped when he noticed that Saruhiko was chuckling.
“W-what?”
“I had no idea,” he said with an amused grin.
“I was hoping you’d say something about it...”
“I can’t say I haven’t had those thoughts too. But I didn’t want to put any pressure on you; I know you get kind of uncomfortable talking about that stuff.”
“I-I’m fine, it’s just embarrassing to talk about…”
“You sure you want to do it? If you aren’t-…”
“N-no! I am, I want to, really. Just… nervous I guess. Never done it before.”
Saruhiko nodded. “That’s fine.”
“S-so… uh… If I’ve never done it before does that mean we need to use the…” he gestured towards the condom still clutched between Saruhiko’s fingers with a nod of his head. “I couldn’t give you anything if I’ve never done anything, and don’t you get physicals all the time at Sceptre 4? I dunno if you’ve ever… I’d rather not know to be honest, but even if you have, I know work gives you blood tests all the time, your arm bruises up whenever you get one.”
Saruhiko raised an eyebrow, then tittered. “Misaki, how risqué.”
“S-shut up… I don’t wanna have to piss about with a condom if we don’t have to, is all…”
“You find the idea of doing it bareback hot though, don’t you?” Saruhiko kept up his teasing tone, but there was a little more colour in his cheeks than usual.
“W-well… yeah…”
Saruhiko smirked.
“Tch, i-it’s not that weird to want that, right? ‘S not like either of us are gonna get knocked up…”
Saruhiko rolled his eyes. “I’m clean.”
“S-so… can we…?”
Saruhiko tossed the foil packet onto the coffee table to discard it. “Honestly, Misaki, you’re such a typical teenage boy.”
Misaki clicked his tongue, his cheeks burning. “I just don’t wanna have some dumb bit of rubber in the way if it doesn’t need to be. I wanna…” He paused, quickly deciding against saying whatever it was he’d planned to. “N-never mind.”
“Go on…?”
Misaki let out a shaky sigh of embarrassment, burying his face in Saruhiko’s shoulder before he spoke. “I wanna feel you, ya know?”
Saruhiko chuckled as he pressed his lips to Misaki’s forehead. “Yeah, I know.” He then paused, and gave Misaki a searching look.
It was at that moment that Misaki realised he hadn’t done as good a job as he thought at suppressing the errant thoughts that had popped into his head when Saruhiko had asked him if he enjoyed the idea of them doing it bareback. Of course he did; and now the evidence to attest to that was pressing into Saruhiko’s thigh. And by the look on Saruhiko’s face, he’d definitely noticed.
Misaki gasped in humiliation, opening his mouth to apologise, or make some excuse, or at least say something, but he was silenced by Saruhiko’s lips catching his own. This kiss was deeper than before, more heated, and a low groan rose in Misaki’s throat before he could stop it. He could feel his cheeks burning and he was aware that his hands would have been shaking terribly if they weren’t resting on Saruhiko’s hips, but for once, he couldn’t bring himself to care. The heat between his legs and the tingle of arousal that trickled down his spine were too demanding, and the embarrassment that had previously been all that occupied his mind was now struggling for coherence. It was difficult to think too hard about anything when Saruhiko was winding his arm around his waist and pulling him in closer, while the fingers of his other hand tangled in Misaki’s hair as they gasped for breath between kisses. It was rare that Misaki saw Saruhiko aroused; he did a much better job of hiding it than Misaki did, so every hitch in his breath and every slight indication of eagerness seemed precious, and Misaki savoured every one.
He found his fingers had strayed towards the buttons of Saruhiko’s waistcoat almost without him noticing, and even with the shaking of his hands, he made quick work of unfastening it and pulling it off, tossing the garment over his shoulder. Saruhiko’s hands found their way to the hem of Misaki’s shirt equally quickly, and with a bit of fumbling, tugged it over his head. Misaki was too caught up in the moment to feel self-conscious, but he quickly noticed that Saruhiko was beginning to stiffen as he unbuttoned his shirt, and figured the case might not be the same for his partner. He stopped instantly, looking up at his face.
“You okay?” Misaki asked.
Saruhiko nodded, but the movement was small and stiff, so Misaki remained unconvinced.
“Promise?”
Saruhiko paused, then gave a quick shake of his head.
“What’s up? You want me to stop?”
“No…” Saruhiko sighed. “Just… not really sure why you want to see…” He gestured vaguely at his body.
Misaki tilted his head. “Why wouldn’t I? Y-you’re gorgeous.” His inhibitions had caught up with him once more now that his momentum had been interrupted, and his voice was thick with bashfulness at the compliment.
“You’re the one who’s always pointing out how skinny and pale I am. ‘Sides, I’m covered in scars.”
“Saruhiko…” Misaki let out a little sigh. “I only say that stuff because I worry about your health. I-I love you, I don’t want you to get sick.” He still stumbled over those confessions; it hadn’t been long since the first time he told Saruhiko he loved him, so the words still tasted strange in his mouth. “It doesn’t mean you aren’t hot. And scars aren’t shit; I’ve got a load of scars too, but you don’t seem to mind.”
Saruhiko’s gaze flickered briefly to Misaki’s right shoulder, where a pale pink strip of flesh was slightly raised away from the tan skin surrounding it. The scar wasn’t quite straight, and wasn’t particularly neat; Misaki had never gotten proper medical attention after their fight on Ashinaka island.
“Sorry,” Saruhiko mumbled.
“Hey, it was a long time ago. I know you wouldn’t hurt me now.” Misaki pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. “It doesn’t matter that we have scars, and it doesn’t matter how we got ‘em. They’re healing now, right? ‘S all that matters.”
Saruhiko leaned up to kiss him softly in response, catching Misaki’s hand with his own as he did and guiding it back towards the buttons of his shirt. Misaki could still feel him shaking slightly, but when he hesitated to make sure Saruhiko was okay, his concern was met with an impatient tug at his wrist. Slowly, Misaki began to unfasten the buttons as he trailed kisses over Saruhiko’s jaw and down his throat. As his lips reached the scar on Saruhiko’s collarbone, Misaki paused, letting his breath ghost over the disfigured skin, and he felt Saruhiko’s fingers thread their way into his hair and gently pull his head down. As Misaki’s lips brushed the scar, Saruhiko let out a soft, contented sigh.
Misaki’s mouth remained where it was as, painstakingly slowly, his fingers worked their way down Saruhiko’s shirt until it finally fell open. While his lips occasionally strayed onto the healthy skin above his collarbone to lick and suck on the flesh, they always found their way back to the scar.
As soon as Saruhiko’s shirt was off, Misaki tossed it aside and reached for his own fly, kicking off his shorts as quickly as he could, trying to lead by example. As nervous as he was, he hoped that Saruhiko might feel a little more confident if he was at least wearing more than Misaki was. Saruhiko tensed slightly as Misaki’s fingers found their way to his fly, and he began to trail kisses down Saruhiko’s breastbone and over his stomach to relax him as he eased the zip down.
“H-huh?” Misaki said suddenly, raising an eyebrow.
“What?”
“You aren’t wearing any underwear,” he pointed out, looking up at Saruhiko’s face with a scandalised look.
“It’s uncomfortable; I almost never wear any” Saruhiko replied with a shrug.
A shiver ran down Misaki’s spine, and he didn’t seem quite sure whether to find Saruhiko’s habit strange or hot. But when his gaze quickly slipped back down from Saruhiko’s face to the patch of bare skin he’d exposed as he eased the zip down, tantalisingly close to what he really wanted to see, he decided it was definitely the latter. His fingers twitched towards Saruhiko’s waistband, but then he paused, realising he’d forgotten himself, and climbed off the sofa to pull down his boxers, letting out a shaky, nervous breath as he did so.
Saruhiko had never seen him naked before; even when they were teenagers and living together, they had both been, and indeed still were, very private people, and preferred to change out of sight of one another. His cheeks burned as he watched Saruhiko’s eyes drop from his own to fix on his hips as he stepped out of the garment, and a sudden wave of anxiety so powerful it almost made him nauseous rolled through his gut. He hadn’t realised he’d feel so exposed, and he found himself looking for something to grab to cover himself until:
“Misaki…” Saruhiko breathed, his eyes half-lidded with desire as they raked across the tan skin of his abdomen and down the subtle contours of the muscle beneath to come to rest on his groin. He reached for Misaki’s wrist to pull him forward and kiss him deeply, and Misaki gasped into the kiss, goosebumps prickling up his back as Saruhiko’s arms wound around his waist. His nervousness had evaporated the moment Saruhiko had said his name; the sound of his voice and the way he’d stared at Misaki had sent tingles of electricity down his spine, so strong he had to bite his lip to stop a soft groan escaping his throat. He’d never seen Saruhiko like this before, with a ravenous look in his eyes and a growing tent in his trousers…
As soon as the kiss broke, Misaki’s lips began to make their way downwards again, roaming down Saruhiko’s throat and across his collarbones reverently, counting each of the ribs that his pale skin was pulled taut over as he arched his back, then following the wispy trail of hairs down from his bellybutton. As Misaki kissed downwards, he climbed out of Saruhiko’s lap to kneel between his legs, then hooked his shaking fingers underneath Saruhiko’s waistband, and ever so slowly, began to pull it down.
Saruhiko tensed at first, his breath catching in his throat as Misaki exposed him, and Misaki paused to catch his eye. Saruhiko gave a little nod, encouraging him to continue, and Misaki began to pepper kisses across his hip as he slid the fabric downwards. Saruhiko seemed to relax a little every time Misaki’s lips brushed his skin, watching the kisses inch ever so slowly towards his crotch. By the time his trousers were around his ankles, most of the tension in Saruhiko’s muscles had fallen away, and his breath had begun to come in quick pants once more. His gaze was still locked with Misaki’s as he kicked his trousers off. A faint flush had begun to colour his cheeks; evidently the sight of his lover’s head making its way towards his cock was providing something of a distraction from his nerves.
Finally, Misaki’s kisses neared the centre point between Saruhiko’s hips, and his gaze finally dropped from Saruhiko’s face to stare at his cock, licking his lips as he forced himself to take a deep breath. He glanced up to meet Saruhiko’s once more as he leaned forward slowly and pressed a soft, experimental kiss to the tip. Saruhiko gasped as Misaki kissed it again, slower this time, then lowered his head, his breathing uneven and his cheeks ablaze as he slid his lips over the head of Saruhiko’s cock and wrapped them around the shaft.
Saruhiko’s fingers fisted in Misaki’s hair instinctively, and his teeth clamped around his bottom lip as he felt the tip of Misaki’s tongue begin to explore the flesh in his mouth.
“Nn…” Saruhiko couldn’t quite stop the low whine from slipping out of his throat as Misaki’s head began to bob up and down, taking a little more every time he slid his lips downwards. Saruhiko let out a soft hiss of pleasure, then tensed suddenly as he felt the head of his cock hit the back of Misaki’s throat, ready to pull his head up off him if he’d hurt him.
Misaki paused, looking up at him with a questioning look in his eyes.
“You okay?” Saruhiko asked.
Misaki lifted his head off him slowly and nodded. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I didn’t want to make you feel sick or anything.”
“Oh, I guess I don’t really have a gag reflex, s-so don’t worry about it,” Misaki admitted, his voice thick with bashfulness.
Saruhiko nodded, biting his lip as the implications of that statement sunk in, and he had to shake away the vulgar mental image that intruded on the forefront of his mind.
“M-maybe we should take this to the bedroom…” Misaki suggested, and Saruhiko nodded in agreement and took Misaki’s wrist as they got to their feet. Saruhiko’s legs shook a little as he walked.
Once they were in their room, he sat down on the edge of the mattress, and Misaki pulled him into the middle of the bed, clambering on top of him and crushing their lips together. Another groan escaped Saruhiko’s throat as he allowed Misaki to push him down onto his back and press their bodies together, and both of them let out soft moans as their groins ground together. In sync, they bucked their hips towards the friction.
Before long, Misaki could no longer suppress his craving for more, and his trembling hand had found its way between their stomachs to wrap his fingers around both of their cocks. As he began pumping them slowly, he broke the kiss to look down between them, and an expletive fell past his lips at the sight of Saruhiko’s cock pressed to his own.
Saruhiko though, as much as he was obviously enjoying it, seemed nervous. His cheeks were flushed, and sweat beaded on his forehead and his breath came in quick gasps, but his body was tense again, and he seemed to be trying too hard to hold back the noises rising in his throat.
Misaki paused, giving Saruhiko a searching look, then rolled onto his back, gently pulling Saruhiko on top of him to let him take the lead. He guided Saruhiko’s hand between their legs to resume the motions Misaki had left off, and gave a low moan of encouragement as he felt Saruhiko’s fingers close around him. The way things had been going, Misaki sort of expected he’d end up being the one taking the lead in whatever they ended up doing, but at the same time he was aware he couldn’t just kiss Saruhiko’s insecurities away. The last thing he wanted was for him to feel uncomfortable. And if things went as far as Misaki was hoping they’d go (not that he’d admit to it), he didn’t think Saruhiko was likely to feel comfortable being the one with his legs open; he seemed nervous enough as it was without being in an even more compromising position.
After a few moments, Saruhiko seemed to relax a bit, finding some confidence in being allowed to do things at his own pace. Misaki rocked his hips towards his hands encouragingly, catching his lips between quiet moans and pressing kisses to his neck as his hands wandered up and down Saruhiko’s back, exploring every inch of the soft skin.
“H-hang on, I’ve got an idea…” Misaki murmured suddenly, and the movement of Saruhiko’s wrist slowed as he watched him reach for the top drawer of the bedside table and grope around for something within it. Saruhiko raised an eyebrow as Misaki retrieved a bottle of lubricant and uncapped it, then pulled Saruhiko’s hand away from their groins to smear a generous amount onto his palm. The pair let out synchronised groans as Saruhiko’s hand returned to its ministrations, both of them rolling their hips towards the new sensation.
But Saruhiko couldn’t help but notice that the plastic seal was missing from the bottle; it had obviously been used before. “S-so why do you have that?” he asked, his voice breathy.
The flush in Misaki’s cheek darkened.
“…Did you buy it because you wanted to go all the way tonight?” The movement of Saruhiko’s hand slowed, and he just about managed to disguise the flicker of nervousness that crossed his features, but not before Misaki noticed it.
“N-no… Well, I wouldn’t object… obviously only if you want to though… b-but that’s not why I bought it.” Misaki paused and bit his lip, as if wishing he hadn’t said that.
“Then why?”
“I… um…” He buried his face in Saruhiko’s shoulder to hide his face. “I was watching… umm…”
“Watching…?” Saruhiko tilted his head.
“P-porn.”
When Saruhiko smirked, Misaki gave an indignant huff.
“D-don’t tell me you don’t watch it!”
“I don’t. I don’t really find the idea of watching two strangers screw appealing.”
Misaki made a noise that was half way between mortification and annoyance.
“Go on, what were you going to say?”
“I… uh… saw that when two guys do it they usually put it in… you know… and i-it looked like they were really enjoying it and I got curious about what that feels like so I…” he trailed off, obviously struggling to put such an embarrassing confession into words.
“You…?”
“I tried it for myself…”
“Are you trying to tell me you fingered yourself?” Saruhiko asked, unable to keep the smirk off his face.
Misaki nodded against his neck.
“That’s so hot…” Saruhiko breathed, and a shiver ran down Misaki’s spine. “Well, did you like it?”
“I-I couldn’t see for a few seconds afterwards… so yeah…”
Saruhiko kissed the top of his head, and allowed the motion of his hand to pick back up again. “I’m surprised…”
“Why?”
“For one I thought you were too much of a prude to try something as lewd as that.”
Misaki expressed his displeasure at the teasing by giving Saruhiko a none-too-gentle nip on the neck, and Saruhiko gasped in response. His voice was a little shakier when he continued speaking, and Misaki made a mental note that he seemed to enjoy the pain.
“And I didn’t think you’d want to be the catcher; I thought you’d find that embarrassing,” Saruhiko continued.
“I-it is embarrassing, and I wouldn’t want to do that all the time… but I don’t think I wouldn’t like it.”
“So if we were to do it tonight…?”
“I-I’d be okay receiving…” He cleared his throat. “You don’t seem like you’d enjoy being in a compromising position like that,” he explained, feeling the need to give some justification beyond that he just liked the idea of having Saruhiko fuck him. Of course, he very much did like the idea, but he wasn’t overly keen on admitting that out loud.
“Thank you,” Saruhiko murmured, kissing his cheek. It used to be rare that Misaki would say something that showed he really understood what Saruhiko was thinking, that he would give ‘100-point answers,’ but they were becoming increasingly common since they’d entered a relationship. Saruhiko was especially appreciative that one of those answers had come now; as much as he enjoyed fantasising about having Misaki inside him, he wasn’t quite ready for that yet- he was nervous enough as it was just being naked, and the idea of being even more exposed made his stomach turn with anxiety.
“’S okay…” Misaki murmured, catching his lips briefly, before looking up at him with an uncertain look in his eyes. “Why, a-are you saying you want to do it tonight?”
“If you want to.”
Misaki gave a quick nod, and almost instantly, Saruhiko’s lips crashed against his own in a kiss that was far more heated and far more voracious than any they’d shared before. Their tongues slid forward to meet as their bare torsos pressed together, and Misaki’s nails dug into Saruhiko’s back instinctively to pull him closer, as his thighs began to part despite himself; before long, his legs were hitched up around Saruhiko’s hips. Their bodies were pressed too close against one another for Saruhiko’s hand to fit between them to continue its previous attention, but neither of them seemed to care; they were perfectly content with the friction that came from rocking their hips in time, grinding their groins against one another and letting out low groans into each other’s’ mouths. Their appetite surprised both of them; their nerves hadn’t subsided any, but the knowledge that this really was happening, they really were going to have sex, had fuelled the burning in the pits of their stomachs until it became difficult to concentrate on the anxiety, difficult to concentrate on anything other than the ache between their legs and the heat of their bare skin pressed flush together.
It was Misaki who got impatient first. He caught Saruhiko’s wrist between his fingers and pulled his hand downwards to rest it on his hip, and Saruhiko broke the kiss to catch his eye and give him a questioning look.
“A-as much as this feels really good… I-I wanna last more than a few seconds when we get to the good part, so we should get on with it…” Misaki mumbled.
Saruhiko chuckled and kissed his forehead, but he couldn’t resist taking the chance to tease him about his eagerness. “Are you saying you want me to finger you?” he murmured, his lips grazing his earlobe as he spoke. He was emboldened by Misaki’s neediness.
Misaki shuddered, turning his head to the side so he didn’t have to look up at his boyfriend as he nodded.
Saruhiko smirked, disentangling himself from Misaki’s legs and sitting back on his heels as he reached for the bottle of lubricant. Misaki let out a little whine of impatient embarrassment as Saruhiko paused for a moment to admire the sight of him on his back with his legs spread, but there was only so long he could resist touching, and within a few seconds he had set about slicking his fingers with the lubricant.
“Ready?” He looked up at Misaki’s face.
“G-get on with it already,” Misaki huffed, keeping his head turned away in an attempt to hide as much of his red face as possible; he couldn’t stand the expression on Saruhiko’s face. On the one hand, the smirk playing across his lips made him burn with embarrassment at the predicament he’d found himself in, but on the other, the heat that pooled in the pit of his stomach at the sight of the lust in Saruhiko’s eyes and the way his tongue darted out to wet his lips was becoming unbearable.
Obediently, Saruhiko’s hand found its way between Misaki’s thighs, and he gently pressed the tip of his index finger against his entrance, massaging small circles around it until Misaki’s hips began to roll insatiably towards his hand and he couldn’t help but oblige him. He slid the tip of the digit inside him slowly, biting his lip as Misaki let out a gasp of relief. When Saruhiko paused to allow Misaki to adjust to the new sensation, he was met with a whine of protest and a twitch of Misaki’s hips as he tried to push the finger deeper inside himself. It was so rare for Misaki to show his desire like this; he was normally far too shy about his sexuality to allow himself to express it, and now that he was, Saruhiko had to indulge him.
As Saruhiko began to slowly thrust the finger in and out of him, Misaki covered his mouth with the back of his hand, trying to stifle the sounds that bubbled in the base of his throat. His other hand fisted in the sheets as his breath quickened and his head drooped back onto the pillow.
Saruhiko’s gaze roved across his body, over his heaving chest and the little pearls of sweat that formed on his tanned skin, taking in the sight of the muscles tensing and trembling beneath it, the blush that extended down his neck and across his collarbones, the messiness of his hair, the way his cock twitched when Saruhiko’s finger brushed a particular spot inside him…
A strangled yelp escaped past Misaki’s lips before he could stop it, and his eyes fell closed in bliss.
“Misaki?” Saruhiko’s gaze quickly returned to his face to make sure he was alright.
“There… do that again.” His voice was hoarse.
Saruhiko complied immediately, his fingertip exploring inside him until it found that spot again, and Misaki’s back arched.
“H-haa… More…”
Saruhiko shivered at the sound of Misaki’s voice and obliged him eagerly, gently pressing another finger inside him.
“Fuck…” Misaki hissed the word through gritted teeth. “S-Saruhiko…”
Saruhiko let out a shaky breath as the fingertips of his free hand grazed across the soft skin of Misaki’s inner thigh, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. But when he tried to wrap them around Misaki’s cock, Misaki piped up:
“D-don’t…”
Saruhiko withdrew his hand instantly, his eyes widening in what appeared to be alarm.
When Misaki saw his expression, he corrected himself quickly. “I-it’s fine, I-I just wanna last as long as I can, and you’re too good at that…”
Saruhiko nodded, and Misaki reached up and pulled him down by his arm so he was leaning over him, then kissed him reassuringly.
“What about if I touch myself…?” Saruhiko murmured, and Misaki strangled a whine in his throat.
“T-that’s fine,” he replied, his voice higher-pitched than usual; he only half-managed to keep his arousal in check as the mental image of Saruhiko playing with himself assaulted his imagination.
Saruhiko smirked, his hand slowly making its way between his own thighs to grip his cock, and he began rocking his hips slowly, as though he was fucking his palm. He moved his fingers inside Misaki in time with his thrusts, chewing his lip as his breath started to come in quick pants.
“Fuck…” Misaki groaned the word, his voice low and gruff with arousal.
Misaki didn’t need to ask Saruhiko to add a third finger; Saruhiko could tell he was craving more by the longing that had kindled in his eyes and the ease with which his hips rolled towards his hand. His movements were no longer restrained by embarrassment; lust seemed to be the only thing driving his actions now, and for Saruhiko, it was a sight to behold. The only times he’d had really seen Misaki lose his composure before had been when he was angry, so seeing him come apart like this with pleasure instead of rage was refreshing. He kept his eyes fixed on Misaki’s face, trying his best to commit the sight to memory. However, by this point, Misaki wasn’t the only one struggling to keep it together. Saruhiko could feel his legs beginning to tremble, and it was becoming more and more difficult to suppress the moans rising in his throat. It came as a relief when Misaki finally cried out:
“P-put it in already!”
Saruhiko shivered at the frenzied sound of his voice, and he couldn’t do anything but obey. He withdrew his fingers carefully, meeting Misaki’s eyes as he lifted his hips and stuffed a few pillows beneath them hurriedly to prop him up. Misaki’s lips hung open, gasping for breath as he watched Saruhiko intently. When Saruhiko reached for the lubricant once more and poured a little into his palm, Misaki let out an impatient whine.
“Shut up, I don’t wanna hurt you,” Saruhiko replied, trying his best to sound composed. He slicked his cock with the lube as quickly as he could with his shaking hand, gripping Misaki’s hip tightly with the other. He took a deep breath to steady himself, his cheeks flushed with arousal as his gaze trailed down from Misaki’s eyes, over his chest and abdomen to settle between his parted thighs, and he leaned forward slowly to press the head of his cock to Misaki’s entrance.
“Ready?” he asked, his voice breathy.
Misaki responded by bucking his hips towards Saruhiko’s, and Saruhiko couldn’t help but smirk at his eagerness. He bit his lip, then slowly began to ease himself inside.
Misaki’s eyes fell closed in ecstasy, and he let out a shuddering breath, gripping the sheets so tightly he feared he might tear them as Saruhiko’s cock inched into him. When he paused to allow him to adjust, Misaki groaned in protest, wrapping his legs around Saruhiko’s hips to keep pulling him forward until he was finally seated hilt-deep inside him.
Saruhiko swore under his breath, gripping Misaki’s thighs and digging his nails into the flesh as his eyes slid closed in exaltation. He clamped his teeth around his tongue, trying to hold back a groan as he felt Misaki twitch around him, getting used to the sensation of being filled. For a moment, he remained still to allow both of them to get acclimatised, but once again, it was Misaki whose patience ran out first, and he began to rock his hips. Saruhiko could do nothing but start moving along with him; the heat and tightness and friction were too overwhelming for him to remain still. But even so, he made sure his movements were slow and gentle, careful not to do anything that might hurt his lover.
Pain seemed to be the last of Misaki’s concerns, however. Each measured thrust almost seemed to torment him, until he became so desperate that the last of his inhibitions crumbled and he half-growled:
“F-fuck… I’m not made of glass, Saruhiko! Harder!”
Saruhiko’s vision blurred as the sound of his voice sent a jolt of static down his spine, and he hurried to obey him, picking up the pace of his thrusts and receiving an appreciative moan in response.
Saruhiko hissed at his partner’s obvious pleasure; it had taken him completely by surprise that Misaki would be so open about his ecstasy. He was usually so reserved, so bashful, and Saruhiko had expected him to be a blushing mess, not to be the one taking the lead or to be the more vocal one by miles. Not that he had any objections to this; seeing Misaki get swept up so entirely by his lust and knowing he was the one responsible for the state his partner was in electrified every one of his nerves. As much as his vision was beginning to blur, he could still see Misaki’s face with perfect clarity, and the sounds pouring out of his mouth only spurred Saruhiko on, his movements becoming faster and more frantic with every second that passed, and as Saruhiko’s thrusts became quicker and rougher, the encouraging noises issuing from Misaki’s lips only got louder.
Suddenly, something in Misaki seemed to snap. One moment, Saruhiko was on top of him, and the next he found himself on his back, staring up at his lover. Misaki was straddling his hips, riding him eagerly, his eyes half-closed and his lips hanging open. Saruhiko’s gaze raked down his chest until they reached the point where their bodies met, his hands quickly finding their way to Misaki’s waist as he let out a shuddering breath. Stars were beginning to burst behind his irises at the sensation as Misaki’s bodyweight pushed his cock as deep as it’d go inside him. Misaki planted his hands either side of his head to hold himself up, and Saruhiko dug his nails into his skin, letting out a deep groan.
Whatever had remained of Misaki’s inhibitions had long vanished. There was no finesse to his movements, nothing measured or controlled; he was running on instinct alone, staring at his lover’s face as his hips moved with a fervency that Saruhiko didn’t think possible of him. The jerky, half-wild thrusts only became faster until his breath snagged in his throat, and he could just about force the words out in a low, gruff groan:
“S-Saruhiko… I’m gonna…”
Saruhiko’s hips bucked involuntarily at the sound, and Misaki let out a strangled yelp, his back arching and his body twisting as his every muscle tensed and his cum spurted across Saruhiko’s belly.
“Misaki…” Saruhiko breathed the word reverently, his eyes wide as they darted across Misaki’s body, trying to take in every inch of him all at once before his vision blurred as the first shockwave of his orgasm wracked his body. He clawed at Misaki’s hips with his fingernails as a gasp caught in his throat and he released inside his lover.
“F-fuck…” Misaki’s voice was shaky as the rolling of his hips slowed and eventually ceased, and he slumped forward, gasping for breath. Saruhiko wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in Misaki’s shoulder.
They lay like that for a long moment, silent except for their panting, until Misaki lifted his head out of the crook of Saruhiko’s neck and stole a soft kiss. By then, he’d recovered the strength to sit upright once more, and with a little more effort than he had expected, he lifted himself off of Saruhiko. Both of them let out little whimpers as he moved, the slight friction overstimulating in the wake of their climaxes.
“I love you,” Misaki whispered, almost as though the words had slipped out without him ever intending to say them.
“I love you too,” Saruhiko replied, turning his head to face him with a blissful smile, one of the few displays of true contentment that Misaki had ever seen him show.
“Go clean yourself up,” Saruhiko told him, unable to keep the smirk off his face at the sight of Misaki standing naked beside the bed, his legs trembling, his face red and damp sweat and his thighs spattered with the cum dripping down them. “I’ll come in and shower with you in a minute.”
Misaki nodded, apparently too spent to feel embarrassed. He stole another kiss before shuffling into the bathroom, somewhat bow-legged, and Saruhiko made a grab for the box of tissues on the bedside table.
Once he could hear the pattering of the shower through the door, Saruhiko followed him in, climbing into the bath beside him. The spray bouncing off Misaki’s shoulders felt pleasant as it hit his flushed skin.
Misaki turned around to face him and gave a little, shy smile, and Saruhiko wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in close. Misaki’s head came to nestle against his collarbone.
“You okay?” Saruhiko asked.
“Better than okay…” Misaki mumbled into his shoulder, and Saruhiko chuckled.
“Congrats on losing your virginity,” he teased, unable to resist, and Misaki responded by thumping him playfully on the arm.
“I heard first times normally suck,” Misaki grumbled, trying to change the subject somewhat.
“Because it’s normally a guy who has no idea how to please a woman flopping around on top of her for a few seconds. It’s a bit easier when you know how the equipment works, I guess.” Saruhiko paused and gave him a sly look. “You lasted longer than I expected you to, too; most guys don’t even make it past the one-minute mark. Still finished before me, though,” he added nonchalantly.
“Oi, cocky jerk! You won’t outlast me next time!” he huffed, and Saruhiko couldn’t help but laugh at the affronted pout on his face.
“Is that a challenge?”
“Damn right it is!”
Saruhiko chuckled, then cupped his jaw and kissed him, smiling as he felt Misaki’s pout relax against his lips. When Saruhiko tried to pull away, Misaki rose to his tiptoes to extend the kiss a little more.
When their lips finally broke apart, Misaki paused, then asked hesitantly: “…There definitely will be a next time, right?” The confrontational tone was gone from his voice.
Saruhiko chuckled. “Of course.”
“Good. That’s way better than doing it on my o- never mind…” he trailed off, catching himself before he could say something embarrassing. His inhibitions were beginning to return now that his legs had stopped shaking.
“Better than what~?”
“Shut up.”
“Misa-…”
He silenced Saruhiko with a kiss.