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Eddie doesn’t look back as he slams the door closed to the Jeep, knowing Buck isn’t too far behind him. His mood isn’t much better when he slams his locker door shut and practically stomps his way up the stairs and into the kitchen at the fire station.
“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Hen took a sip of her coffee and then held her hands up when Eddie shot a glare over her way.
She motions for him to continue as he sits down at the island with her but he rests his head on his hands.
“Thought you two were trying to ‘communicate’ more.”
Eddie will admit he’s been talking to Hen about Buck a lot and she probably knows more than she’d like to know about them but it’s something he can’t talk about to Buck himself.
“So did I,” He removes his hands from his face. “Then this morning he goes and tells me about the decision he decided to make for me without even talking to me about it.”
“I’m sure he has his reasons for not mentioning whatever it is.”
The alarm goes off before he can find the answer.
A few medical calls keep them going through the morning, with Buck and Ravi there on scene in case they’re required.
Eddie catches Buck’s eyes throughout the morning and the one thing Eddie has always been confident on is knowing what Buck is thinking, however today he can’t.
Back at the station, he’s looking at Hen and Ravi talking to Buck.
“If you keep scraping bottom of that bowl Diaz, there’s going to be new pattern on it.” Chimney slides next to him in the kitchen. “What’s bothering you? More so what’s Buck done that’s bothering you.”
Eddie remains silent.
“Come on, I know that face. I know what it’s like to be in love with a Buckley.”
The bell rings again but this time Eddie’s been made man behind. He’s doing odd jobs around the station before he makes his way down to the supply closet to grab a mop and bucket.
He was sure he put the door stop under the door otherwise the door will-
“Fuck,” Eddie hears and it doesn’t come from him. The light flickers on and it’s Buck who is the one who is standing in front of Eddie.
Buck is the reason they’re both locked in this closet.
Eddie’s back hits the wall and pulls out his phone. It’s two thirty in the afternoon; hopefully won’t be a long call they’re on.
For at least an hour, Eddie checks his watch every five minutes seeing little to no time has passed while Buck continues to look at his phone.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Buck snaps his head up, “What?”
“Why didn’t you say you wanted to move out?” There it is, out in the open.
Buck straightens his back a little as he sits up. “I just thought-“
“Did we do something?”
“No,” Buck answers immediately, “You’ve done nothing.”
“You could have said if you weren’t happy. I could have done something, anything, to make it better for you, not to drive you away from us.”
“Eddie, Chris hasn’t done anything, you haven’t done anything,”
“Then why does it feel like I have. I can’t talk to you about it either when you’ve been avoiding me all morning.”
“I’m not the one who slammed the Jeep door, or the locker door this morning making this every one at the station’s business.”
“That’s because you don’t let me in,” Eddie runs a hand through his hair, “You don’t let me in to what you’re thinking about, you make these irrational decisions and then expect me to be okay with it.”
“Well, I’m not the one who jumped off of the bridge-“
“That was so that you wouldn’t.”
Silence falls over the pair.
“Why did you do it?” Buck whispers.
“Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to leave me?” Eddie completely avoided Buck’s question.
“I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?”
Neither of them get to answer as the door flies open with Ravi looking down at them both.
“Have you been here this entire time?”
Buck gets up and walks out of the room, leaving Eddie again, for the second time that day, wondering what he’s done wrong.
──⋆.˚✧ ✧⋆.˚──
The drive back home is silent. Buck mutters something about going to see Maddie as Eddie leaves the car. He’s left standing in the driveway as Buck drives off.
He lets the door slam behind him, dropping his work bag on the ground and shrugs his jacket off his way to the kitchen.
Buck’s book is still left on the page it was this morning, upside down next to the two coffee mugs they’d had before Buck dropped the news on Eddie.
The news that he was going to move out, sign a new lease on a new apartment and not even tell Eddie.
He pulls the leftovers from last night’s dinner that Buck had made, and took a beer out as well.
Slowly over time, Buck has made his way into becoming a permanent presence in this house, down to his baking utensils in the kitchen, the last watched programmes on the tv, the toothbrush in the bathroom and half of the wardrobe he shared with Eddie just to name a few.
All of that will be gone soon enough, and Eddie can’t help but think it’s his fault.
By the time Buck gets home, Eddie hasn’t even drunken half of the beer and he lost his appetite halfway through dinner.
“Thought you’d be in bed by now.” Buck toes his shoes off by the door.
“It’s 10pm Buck.”
Buck sighs which makes Eddie roll his eyes as he gets up off the couch.
Eddie makes his way into the kitchen and begins the washing up before he sees Buck again. He hears the fridge door opening behind him when he decides to talk.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too.” Buck grabs the bottle opener from the drawer. “Maddie thinks I should start communicating more.”
Eddie snorts, “Isn’t that the truth.”
“What she actually said was that we both should communicate more.” Buck takes a sip of his beer.
“Okay,” Eddie puts the plate back down into the water, “I’m sorry for making you feel like you’re not welcome here.”
“Eddie-“
“I know you said there’s nothing I’ve done wrong, but I’ve done something haven’t I? There’s something you’re not telling me about.” He runs a hand through his hair. “It’s been so good Buck, and I can’t figure out why you feel like you don’t belong here.”
“It’s not you-“ Buck starts.
“I don’t want to hear anything about ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ because you’re wrong.”
“It’s something I need to work through that’s all.” Buck’s leaving something out, and it’s making Eddie worry more.
“Have you at least spoken to Maddie about this?”
“Yeah,” It comes out in a whisper.
“Then why can’t you tell me.”
“Why can’t you tell me why you jumped off of that bridge?”
“Why are you avoiding this conversation?”
“Because I’m trying not to make this all about me.” Eddie holds his breath. “You’re always saying that I make everything about myself, and I’m trying not to make it all about me for once.”
“Not when it involves us.” Eddie exhales.
“What us Eddie? There is no us.” Buck makes an emphasis on the last us which gets to Eddie.
“What are you talking about? Of course there’s an us. This is all us.” He gestures to the house.
“Not in the way that I want.” Buck has a look of regret on his face the moment he says that.
It keeps replaying in Eddie’s mind, over and over again while they look at each other.
“In the way-“
“Eddie don’t.” Buck looks down at the ground.
He mutters something to himself, almost sounding like ‘that’s why I didn’t want to ruin this.’
“You haven’t ruined anything.” Eddie replies.
“Yes I have Eddie. You really don’t get it and you won’t.”
“I won’t get what?”
Buck doesn’t give Eddie a moment to think before he lurches towards him for a fleeting but desperate kiss.
Eddie’s hands instantly grab onto Buck’s waist just seconds before he pulls back.
“I can’t be here right now.” Buck begins to slowly back out of the kitchen.
“Buck, wait.” Eddie grabs a hold of his wrist but Buck pulls away like the touch burns.
Eddie doesn’t run after him, it’s almost as if his feet are rooted into the ground.
The kiss should have had more of an effect on Eddie than it does, and it took him by surprise but it didn’t change anything for him.
It should have changed something for him but instead, it’s made everything made more sense.
This can’t be the way he loses Buck. He can’t lose Buck.
He slips on his shoes haphazardly which costs him more time than he would like. Buck could have gone in any direction by now.
He pulls the door open, letting it slam behind him and gets to his truck before he realises-
Buck’s truck is still here.
Eddie definitely heard the door slam when Buck left.
“I didn’t leave.” A voice calls out from behind him.
Buck’s leaning against the second arch before he walks out into the rain which instantly starts soaking his curls as he walks towards Eddie.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you.” Buck shoves his hands into his pockets. “I don’t know why I kissed you.”
“Buck, it’s okay-“
“It’s not okay Eddie,” Buck hangs his head up towards the sky. “It’s my fault that I went and fell in love with you.”
“I jumped off that bridge because I didn’t want you to.”
“I know you did-“
“I didn’t want you to be the one that was being reckless because I need you more than I would like to admit, and I need you here.”
Buck doesn’t say anything when Eddie pauses.
“I tried to convince myself that you don’t need us around, that you’re your own person and that you can live your life without us but I don’t want to live my life without you.”
“But throwing yourself off of the bridge was your solution?”
“Not my greatest work, but how else could I have stopped you from doing it?”
“You probably couldn’t.” Buck let a small laugh out, breaking some of the tension.
“I didn’t know what this was,” Eddie takes a step closer to Buck. “I couldn’t name what this was between us and it scared me, for the longest time.”
Buck mirrored the step forward.
“You scare me Buck.”
“I scare you?”
“When you dropped everything and moved into this house for Chris and I, it scared me how much if felt when you told me. I couldn’t name what it was at that moment until I got down to El Paso and thought I’d left something behind, and I realised it was you.”
He takes another step.
“I spent those months down there not only trying to get Chris to open up to me but trying to open up to myself, and I think the moment that I really knew was when I saw you and Chris together again for the first time in over a year.”
Eddie could easily reach out and take Buck’s hand as they’re so close and he does.
“When I told Chris about all of it, one of the first things he said was ‘what about Buck?’ so he knew straight away, we’re not subtle.”
Buck huffs a small laugh, trying to hide a smile on his face.
“I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me there’s not an us Buck,”
“I don’t think I can.”
“Exactly, I essentially jumped off of a bridge for you. Do you know how insane that sounds? Do you know anyone else who would do that?”
“No,” Buck finally allows himself to smile.
“There he is.” Eddie brings his free hand up to gentle frame Buck’s jaw. “There’s the man that I love.”
He feels Buck take a sharp breath in.
“What? You don’t think I love you back? I don’t know if you’ve noticed I’m a little insane about you.” Eddie brushes his thumb over Buck’s birthmark. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
The rain continues to pour around them but Eddie can’t bring himself to care.
“Don’t move out. Stay with us. With me.”
“Okay,” Buck whispers, “Can I kiss you?”
“In the kitchen you couldn’t ask but now you can-“
Eddie gets cut off by Buck’s lips pressing against his. The kiss in the kitchen wasn’t long enough for Eddie’s liking, too fleeting and too short.
This kiss begins tentatively and Eddie knows that Buck is still holding back but Eddie doesn’t want to. He slides his hand around to Buck’s neck and runs his fingertips through his hair.
Buck takes the last step forward until their bodies are fully flush together, his lips are rough against Eddie’s own and his stubble grazes against his face. Eddie’s not used to a kiss feeling like this but he can’t get enough already.
He can taste the remnants of Buck’s beer which is getting warm in the kitchen the longer they stand out on the driveway. He’s waiting for the moment that this all stops, that Buck realises that this isn’t what he wants and takes the i love you back.
But he doesn’t stop.
He walks Eddie backwards towards the front door, thankful that he remembered to grab the keys before he left. He tries to open it while Buck is kissing him but he’s failing terribly.
“You need a hand with that?” Buck laughs.
“Nope,” Eddie quickly turns around in Buck’s hold and opens the door, then immediately diving back into the kiss when he realises. He has two doors.
“Tell me who thought it was a good idea to put a second door on this place, and why I couldn’t have just one front door.” When Eddie did an online viewing of this place all those years ago, he was pretty sure there wasn’t a door in the archway and there was only one front door.
“I don’t think when they built this place they were very concerned with anyone urgently needing to get into the house while kissing.”
“They should have taken it into consideration,” Buck cuts him off with another kiss, pushing the door open with his free hand while the other holds onto his waist.
Eddie’s not sure how they’ve kicked their shoes off while still kissing, or even if they closed at least one of the front doors as they stumble their way down the hallway.
No one has kissed Eddie like this before.
Eddie grabs a hold of the handle to the bedroom and pushes it down so hard they almost both go flying through it but Buck is able to steady them as he holds onto the doorframe. Eddie’s gets his hands on Buck’s soaking wet shirt and pulls it over his head, only momentarily breaking their kiss apart for diving back.
“Eddie,” Buck backs away, only a little to rest their foreheads together, “I don’t want to go too quickly.”
“But-“
“Not if you don’t want to, we go at your pace.”
“Our pace.” Eddie cradles Buck’s face, “This is as much about me as it is you.”
“Eddie, you’ve never been with a guy before, this is different for you than me.”
“I trust you,” Eddie makes sure he looks into Buck’s eyes, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Buck goes in for another kiss when Eddie’s hands find Buck’s belt, and when he finally gets it undone after fumbling for a few seconds.
That’s when a phone begins to ring.
Eddie groans as he rests his head against Buck’s shoulder.
“Hi Hen. Oh, Eddie’s not picking up his phone?” He can hear the slight smile in Buck’s voice. “I can go find him if you’d like.”
Eddie swats Buck on the bicep and he lets out a small yelp.
“I’m good, just, uh, stubbed my toe on the table.”
He has to hold back a laugh as he brings his hands up to Buck’s waist.
“He’ll be over soon. Bye, bye.”
Buck looks down at Eddie who’s lifted his head slightly from Buck’s shoulder.
“You stubbed your toe.” Eddie smiles.
“What was I about to tell her? That he’s currently undoing my belt. No Eddie, I had to think.”
“It was kinda funny.”
Buck lets out an exaggerated sigh. “Yeah, okay, next time we’re almost about to have sex I’ll make sure that I’ll come up with a more convincing lie.”
Eddie ducks his head back down to Buck’s shoulder, shaking into it as he laughs. “I love you.”
“I know, idiot.”
Buck presses a kiss into Eddie’s hair before he takes his hands into his own.
“We’ve got to pick up Chris. He’s ready to come home.”
“He’s got impeccable timing.”
“He’s certainly your kid, timing’s all off.”
Eddie scoffs, “Like you’re early to anything.”
“You were late to this. I figured out I loved you years ago.” Buck pulls away from Eddie and walks over to the wardrobe.
“I assumed you had Maddie tell you. She’s smart enough to have figured it out before the both of us.”
“Tommy figured it out too.”
“Please can you not talk about your ex-boyfriend at a time like this.”
Buck throws a hoodie over at Eddie, “You need that. You’re soaking.”
“I wasn’t the one who decided to walk outside in the rain after he kissed me.”
“Yet I don’t see you complaining about me kissing you now.”
“You’re not kissing me now.” Eddie pouts and Buck rolls his eyes.
“Don’t use that Diaz pout on me, you know I can’t say no.”
Eddie slides his hands around Buck’s waist and pulls him into short kiss. “You’re stuck now Buckley.”
“Not complaining about it Diaz.”
Eddie walks over to the wardrobe and pulls out a white t-shirt, “Put this on. We’ve got our kid to go pick up.”