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Leo sits back against the run down wall with a sigh, looking up at the sky.
For some reason, lately he’s been thinking about you. Back at the age of 16, he would have confessed his feelings to you if given the chance, but your family moved across the country rather suddenly. And only days after you left, the Krang arrived on Earth and the apocalypse began.
Sometimes, he’d blame you for it. Had it not been for his heart ache, he wouldn't have been so distracted, and maybe he could have stopped the Krang. But deep inside he knew it was his own fault. Even when everyone else said it wasn't. He knew it was true. His own arrogance cost not only him but all of humanity a bitter, bitter price.
As the leader of the rebellion, Leo tried his best to be present for the people and focused during the fights against their purple enemy. But in moments where he found himself alone, like right now, memories would resurface. Memories of his brothers, his dad, April, and…. you. His first instinct would be to be mad, trying to push the memory back. The heartache and hurt of you leaving him behind crashing over him like a wave. But he'd take a deep breath and let it wash over him. He knows it wasn't your fault. That you didn't really have a choice. That you never meant to hurt him.
Leo looks up at the dark, ashy sky and takes a deep breath. As much as he regrets bringing doom onto the planet, he might regret never telling you how he felt just a little more. If only he could turn back time and get another chance…
With your memory fresh in his mind, reliving all the laughs and stolen glances between you two so many years ago, he steps into the building and heads for his room, tiredly climbing into his cot. Warmth spreads in his chest and he can't help the scoff at himself as he settles into the thin mattress. Despite it hurting like scratching at a scab and never letting the scar heal, even after all this time, he clings to the memory of you. And with your smiling face still intact in his mind, he falls asleep.
The next morning, a group reports to him that someone new arrived: a survivor from not only beyond the few known camps of the city, but from beyond the horizon. And they asked for him specifically. Leo furrows his brows as he walks with two people back to the med bay.
“Did you check for infection?” the turtle asks.
“Yup,” the woman replies. “They came back negative.”
“Coming all the way here from… what did they say again?” the man asks and leans forward to look at the woman on the other side of Leo. “The West Coast? And without getting infected… I don't know if I should be impressed or terrified.”
The image of your face flashed in Leo’s mind. The chances of you surviving were already so low that he’d rather not think about it at all. But the chances of you surviving and coming here to see him? Surely that was impossible. Should he open his heart to the possibility or close it off to not get his hopes up? With every step he takes, his heart is torn back and forth.
When they arrive, Leo enters the room, followed by the two from earlier. He sees the newcomer from the back first as they talk with one of the medics. Hearing his steps, the person turns around, and for a moment, Leo thinks he might still be dreaming.
Somehow you look just as he remembered but so very different all at once. There's more wrinkles on your skin, more grey hairs on your head. But the glint in your eye is the same from when you were both 16. And for a moment, Leo is transported back to when he watched your family's car drive off, perched on a nearby rooftop.
Still undecided on how to react, he grits his teeth as his heart pounds against his chest. There it is, the anger. He knows it's aimed at himself, but with you physically there, he doesn't even get a chance to redirect it before throwing you a harsh glare that makes you visibly flinch. Evidently not the reaction you expected. The other people in the room exchange confused looks with each other. The tension is palpable, rising with every second you two look at each other. Finally, Leo tears his gaze from yours and looks away.
“I can’t do this right now,” he says in a dismissive tone and turns his heels to leave, slamming the door behind him.
Everyone's attention comes back to you, and you uncomfortably shift in your seat.
“You two know each other?” the man asks.
“Yes… From a long time ago,” you say, not really wanting to get into details, so you turn to the medic. “Am I free to go?”
“Uh, yes.” She looks almost startled by your question. “We‘ll have someone give you the tour. If you have any symptoms like headaches, pain, anything at all, please come see me.”
“Will do,” you say with a nod and hop off the cot.
You decide to give Leo a chance to cool off and not go looking for him immediately. Instead, the man from before shows you the camp. Really, it's just an abandoned building, formerly offices and a warehouse by your best guess. Most of it has been modified to meet everyone’s post-apocalyptic needs. There's also a big part that's entirely underground.
After he shows you the main common areas, you're given some food, a change of clothes and the chance to clean up. By the time you're freshened up, you decide enough time has passed, so you head out to find Leo.
You remember how when you were younger and he needed to clear his head, there was this one rooftop that he liked, one where he could watch over the city, facing the sunrise. As you pass the woman from before that had come with Leo into the med bay, you stop her to ask if there's an elevated place like that here, and indeed there's a watchtower that Leo uses frequently. So you repeat the directions she gave you in your head as you walk there, your steps going faster and faster the closer you are. By the end you're almost sprinting. You haven't seen Leo in decades, and his tantrum will not stop you from doing so now that you're so close.
The exit you're looking for is marked with a green sign, as you were told. The door is heavy, so you push it with your whole body. Once outside, you tighten your collar, not wanting the sand and dust carried by the wind to get inside your clothes.
You look up, and lo and behold, you see Leo’s frame sitting on the patchwork metal platform up on the tower. It's not as high as you thought, and surely not as high as he'd like, but it's elevated nonetheless.
Up until now, the goal of finding back to Leo was so clear in your head, that your resolution never waivered. It's only when you're climbing up the ladder that you realise that maybe this isn‘t a tantrum. Maybe he actually doesn‘t want to see you. Maybe he still blames you for leaving. Maybe… you never meant as much to him as he did to you.
That thought catches you so off guard that you slip on the last step and there's a loud clatter as you hold onto the railing. Leo looks over his shoulder in slight alarm, already reaching for his weapon, but when he sees it's you, he turns back around with a sigh.
You bite the inside of your cheek, hesitating for a moment. But you've already come this far. And you’re living through the literal apocalypse. So what’s the worst that could happen? You couldn’t even tell your body to turn around and leave now that you’re so close to him, because it moves on its own. Even if he never wanted to see you again, the truth is that you’ve missed him. So much.
The platform isn't all that big to begin with, probably made to fit two human adults, but you still manage to leave some distance between yourself and the turtle as you sit down next to him.
There's a long silence, and the both of you look ahead over what a lifetime ago would have been part of the city, but is now a vast expanse of dust and ruins.
“So…” Leo starts, clearing his throat. “How… How’d you come all this way, anyway?”
“I didn't come alone,” you say and hear him take a sharp breath. Realising how that sounded, you clarify. “What I mean is that I came in a group. We stopped at one of the camps a little further to the north. But then I heard about a man-turtle with katanas and… I just had to come see for myself, I guess.”
Leo nods, but doesn’t say anything.
“The group I came with has some ideas about establishing communications again,” you continue, if only to fill the silence. “We found some old telephone lines that are almost intact. If we get enough people together, I think maybe we can get a network up and running.”
He hums in acknowledgement, but keeps his gaze towards the horizon. You pull up your knees to your chin and lean your face sideways on them.
“Will you please look at me?” you say after a while.
Leo doesn't do so immediately. Only after heaving a pretty deep sigh does he turn his face to look at you, and you can feel the heat rushing to your cheeks, but you don‘t care. You don't care if you make a fool of yourself when this man is making you feel like a teenager all over again simply by being by your side. Because this might as well be the last time you get to look at him at all. These days nothing is certain, nothing is taken for granted.
When his eyes finally meet yours, his gaze softens the same it would all those years ago, and you can't help the smile on your face, accompanied by a little “Hey”.
“Hey,” he says back just as softly, and you both take a moment to really take each other in, trace all the new lines and scars that time has etched into your skins. After a moment, he looks down, ashamed. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
“It’s okay,” you say and scoot over as smoothly as you can to bump your shoulder into his, now much taller than yours. “I would have messaged you to let you know I'd drop by, but… You know.” You mimic a typing motion with your hands, then open your palms to signify their emptiness.
“Yeah,” he chuckles. “Man, I miss smartphones.”
“And I missed you,” you blurt out before you can stop yourself. Leo looks back to you with raised brows, but you can't hold his gaze and look away, clearing your throat. “So, uhm, where are your brothers? I haven't seen them around. With Donnie's help I'm sure we can get that phone line working in no time.”
Leo smiles bitterly, brows furrowed, and shakes his head as he looks back out to the horizon.
“Mikey is out with a scouting group. He should be back soon. But the others, uhm…” He retrieves his katana and gently smoothes his fingers over the handle before showing it to you. Your heart stops and sinks into your stomach as you see a red and purple bandana tied to it. You also notice that Raph‘s is more tattered than Donnie‘s, meaning he was the first to…
“Oh Leo I- I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.” Instinctively, you hold onto his arm, leaning on his shoulder, and place your hand over his. He doesn't pull away, in fact it feels like he leans into your touch ever so slightly.
“Yeah, me too…”
You two stay like that for a while.
When you see your hand on his, you remember how well they used to fit together, back when either of you would find an excuse to hold hands. Despite the circumstances, he must have been well fed to reach his current size.
That thought makes you shake your head slightly at yourself. The little exhale through your nose like you're laughing catches Leo‘s attention.
“What?” he asks with a slight smile.
“Nothing, it's just…” You look up at him without leaving his shoulder. “I just realised you finally had your growth spurt. Good for you.”
“Oh, shut up,” he laughs and brings his arm around your body, pressing you into his side with a playful squeeze. But even after he eases up, giving you plenty of room to pull back, you stay there, hand on his plastron, mindlessly tracing all the new lines that came with time. Time you weren't there for him. Your smile fades from your lips. Time where you grew apart from each other. Time you'd never get back.
You want to catch up, ask how it all happened. But just as you're about to speak up, there's a clatter from the ladder.
“Master!” a young voice calls out, and Leo turns to look to his other side.
“Master Leonardo, there you are! The scout group came back and–” He stops mid-sentence when he spots you, cuddled into the turtle’s side. You immediately pull back with a sheepish look. The young boy looks between you and Leo, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Who’s that?”
Leo introduces you as an old friend to Casey Jr, and when you hear him say your name for the first time in so long, your heart leaps in your chest. You try your best not to show how much it affects you in front of the kid.
Casey beckons you both back inside, and you go to the main hall where the scouting party is being received. When Mikey spots you, he twirls you around in a bone crushing hug. You look up at him, he also got bigger, but what stands out the most is the white hair. It makes him look older than his brother.
Leo, Mikey and Casey sit with you for dinner, and they tell you all about how they set up this camp, how they try to take in anyone still around, that it’s been hard but they make due. You also tell them how it’s been fighting the Krang on your side, and how lately the different camps have started to team up for better resource management.
After you’re done eating, Mikey takes Leo aside to discuss some findings from his mission. Meanwhile you stay with Casey. He asks about young Leo, and you tell him about how you met the turtles, how much fun you had together, what New York was like back when it was standing. You're careful to leave out your massive crush on the turtle though. Casey listens so intently, you can tell that he really admires Leo and Mikey, and it warms your heart a little to know that even in these circumstances, Leo still has someone that cares about him, but also someone to care about.
By the time Leo comes back, the camp has gone into the night shift, meaning there's less people around as most have gone to sleep, except for the guards standing watch here and there. Leo takes you to the underground bunker, which are the sleeping quarters, since being on the surface at night is too dangerous.
It's mostly tents and communal sleeping areas, and Leo shows you where you can sleep. You walk a little further with him to a closed off area, which seems to be the turtles’ room. You recognise the handwriting on the door to be Donnie‘s, and your chest tightens in pain for a moment.
“So, this is me,” Leo says pointing to the door. “Time to hit the hay. It's been… a day.”
You fidget with your shirt. Man, how can he still make you feel like a crushing teenager even after all this time?
“If it's all the same to you, I'd like to keep talking a little more. I don’t wanna keep you up, but I honestly don’t think I could sleep.”
An airy laugh escapes him, and you look up in surprise.
“Yeah, me neither to be honest. C’mon, I’ll make you some tea.” Leo pushes the door open and holds it for you. The room reminds you of the subway station lair they used to have and you smile. Then his words register with you and you spin around.“You have tea?” you ask, genuinely surprised.
“I have a stash,” Leo says with a smug grin and heads to a cupboard, taking out a little tin box. “Only for special occasions.”
“Oh, well… I'm flattered,” you say, and you mean it.
In a corner of the room there's a small fire going, and Leo hangs a dented kettle on the hook above it. There's no smoke in the room, so you figure they must have some ventilation system going. You're genuinely impressed.
Leo sits down with one of those grunts only an old man can make, and you turn around to tease him about it. But you just catch the moment where he holds his right arm and unlocks it from a socket, revealing a nub of an arm underneath.
“Oh my god!” you blurt out, and both your hands come up to cover your mouth. Leo chuckles, placing the prosthetic arm in its designated place on the wall nearby, and massages his bad shoulder. You approach him with a sheepish look, apologising for your reaction.
“It's okay,” he says, gesturing with his chin to a tattered chair to his right, and you take a seat. “Sometimes when I wake up, it also takes me by surprise.”
“Can I ask, how…?” you drift off, hands hovering over his shoulder. “May I?” He nods.
Leo tells you about how he lost his arm when some infected creatures overran their former camp. He managed to get everyone out in one piece, except for himself. While you listen to his retelling, you gently trace over the partially visible stripe. You find yourself leaning in suddenly, wanting to place a kiss on his arm, but stop yourself in time, playing it off like you‘re closely inspecting the scar.
Luckily, you're saved by the bell, or rather, the whistle, as the kettle signals the water being ready. Leo gets up with another grunt and pours two cups of tea, handing one to you before taking a seat again.
You softly blow onto the drink, swirls of steam dancing in front of your face before disappearing.
“I don’t even remember the last time I had a proper hot drink,” you say as you close your eyes, taking in the herbal scent. It smells heavenly.
“There’s so many things we never realised were the last time,” he says and takes a sip. You mirror him, and hum in delight.
“The tea alone was worth the whole trip here,” you say, and he shoots you a look in mock offence.
“Hey, I thought you were here to see me.”
“That’s just a happy coincidence,” you retort with a chuckle. “...Master Leonardo.”
“Don’t even start,” he laughs.
“No, no, I think it's great that you have someone like Casey that looks up to you. I mean it.” You take another sip. “I can tell he means a lot to you.”
Leo nods and hums, lost in thought, as he brings the cup to his lips. You both keep drinking your tea in silence for a while.
“Thank you for the tea, that was delicious,” you say and set your now empty cup to the side. He's done drinking too, so you motion for him to hand you his cup and you put it with the other one.
“It tastes even better in good company.” He leans back onto the wall, exhaling contentedly.
“You know, when I heard about you, I wasn't really sure what to expect.” You gesture to his nub with your chin. “Certainly not that.”
“I hope I didn't disappoint you too much, then,” he says with a slight chuckle.
“You could never,” you're too quick to reply, and Leo turns his face to look at you. “All this time, all I hoped for is that you would still be alive, but now that I’m here, I don't really know what to do with myself. I was scared that… that you resented me.”
“Resent you? Why?” he asks, stretching his legs out in front of him.
“Because I left so suddenly.” You lean forward to prop your elbows on your legs, head in your hands. “I hated myself for never giving you a proper goodbye. I didn't want the last time we ever talked to be a fight.”
A fight? he thinks, and then he remembers: The night before you left, you asked to meet to tell him something important. He said he'd be there, but he lost track of time. He never made it to your meeting place. You didn't answer any messages when he tried to contact you to apologise, and only called him once your family was already loading the car the next morning. When you told him what was happening, he got angry because you didn't tell him earlier, which ended up in some argument where you hung up on him. By the time he made it to your apartment, the car was already leaving.
“Oh, that,” is all he says as he sits up straight. You look at him.
“What do you mean, ‘that’?” Your brows rise in disbelief. “You didn't remember until just now?”
“To be completely honest, no.”
“Then why didn't you want to see me earlier?” you ask, sitting up and shooting him a quizzical look.
A slight blush creeps up on his cheeks and he looks to the side. He can’t tell you it’s because he was clinging onto your memory so much, he felt like he got caught thinking about you and needed to clear his head before he did something stupid.
“Just… a lot of feelings came back up all at once, I needed to sort it out.”
“Feelings, but not hatred?”
“Of course not,” he says as if the mere thought of that is ridiculous. “I’d never hate you.”
“Then what?” you ask, completely lost now. If he didn’t resent you for what you did, then why would he react like that?
“Just, you know.” Leo gestures vaguely in the air with one arm.
“No, I don't know,” you point out and lean forward to make him look at you, but he avoids your gaze. Then something occurs to you so you get up to stand in front of him. “Leo… Did you… did you like me back then?” You playfully poke him in the chest.
“Yes, obviously,” he huffs in annoyance at your insistence, then freezes. He dares a glance at you.
“Oh, oh wow.” Your hands come up to hold your head at the temples as you laugh. “We‘re both idiots.”
“What?” he deadpans and you place your hands on his shoulders to shake him back and forth lightly.
“I liked you too, ya big goof!” you finally say, and all the memories of your interactions fall into place like puzzle pieces. Suddenly everything makes sense; the stolen glances, the touches played off as non-chalant, the silly nicknames. “And it only took us, what? An apocalypse and twenty-something years to figure it out? Good for us.”
“Wait what?” he chuckles, but the more he thinks about it, the fuller his laugh becomes, and it‘s so contagious that you join him.
After a moment, your laughter dies down and you realise how close you are, standing between his legs. But your body is frozen in place, unable to pull back. Leo’s hand hovers over your waist, unsure, wanting to pull you in. Your hands move on their own as they travel up his neck to hold his face. His eyes flutter close for a second and he leans into your touch, the softest of smiles on his lips.
“Man, I missed you,” he whispers. His arm fully envelops you to pull you into his chest, and he hugs you as tight as he can without crushing you.
“And I missed you, Leo,” you say into the crook of his neck. He chuckles and it reverberates through your whole body.
“Guess we really are idiots,” he concludes and lets you pull back to look at each other. Your thumb caresses his jaw and across his cheek, up to his bandana.
“Can I…?” you ask, and he lets you slip off the piece of fabric, which you carefully set aside, and you see his uncovered face. The half moon stripes by his eyes had always been your favourite, and you can't help but trace over them like you used to do back when he‘d fall asleep in your lap, a shaky breath escaping his lips. Your face pulls into a pained grimace as you realise that all this time, you could have had this with him. “I wish it didn't have to be like this. That I could have been by your side all these years.”
“There's no point in dwelling in the past,” Leo says with a half shrug. “I'm just happy you're here.” His hand gives your waist a squeeze. Warmth erupts on your face and you look away with a silly smile, heart beating against your ribs.
“Yeah, me too,” you breathe. When your eyes find his again, you catch his gaze dropping to your lips and back up.
You take in a shaky breath in an attempt to calm yourself. It's been over twenty years but clearly neither of you has gotten over your mutual crush. Which already is an insane thing to think about. But being here with him, in his arms (or rather, arm), the dim light making his stripes glow, his eyes as sharp as ever, looking at you, seeing you… It‘s almost too much to the point you're starting to feel a little faint, but you fight it.
“Actuall–” His hand presses into your lower back. “–there's one thing I do regret.”
“Yeah? What's that?” you ask, voice barely audible.
“I never got to kiss you before you left.” Leo slightly tilts his head still in your hands, and gives you one of his signature lopsided smirks.
“Well,” you elongate the sound with a chuckle. “Since we live in such unpredictable times, you might as well take your chance now that I’m here.”
Leo’s eyes drop to your mouth again, and you nod. That's all it takes for him to lean in and capture your lips in a kiss. It's shy and featherlight like he‘s scared you'll disappear. So you kiss him again with more pressure. He parts his lips and so do you, pulling back just enough to adjust your angle and go back in again, over and over. Leo's arm pulls you even closer, and he kisses you like his life depends on it, and you reciprocate.
After a few moments, you pull back to take a breather, and even in the dark you can see his flushed face. By the warmth on your cheeks and the erratic beating of your heart, you know you're not far off yourself. You smooth over his cheeks with your thumbs, a smile plastered on your face.
“You’ve gotten quite handsome, you know that?” you say, and he scoffs, so you’re quick to add, “Yes, yes, I know. You already were handsome. But you got handsomer, you know?”
“Well, you don’t look half bad yourself for an apocalypse survivor,” he shoots back with a wink, and you roll your eyes with a smile. “I mean it, though. You look incredible. Always have.”
The earnestness in his voice catches you off-guard, so you peck the tip of his snout to distract him from how much his words affect you. This makes him chuckle, so you keep peppering his face with little kisses until you’re both giggling like kids.
“Alright then,” Leo says rather suddenly. His arm goes around your middle and he stands up, picking you up with him. “Time to go to sleep. There’s a lot to do tomorrow.”
You hold onto his shoulders for dear life, not that he’d ever let you fall, even one arm short. Leo walks you to his side of the room, and you push the curtain aside for you to cross, then pull it back closed. That way there’s a bit of privacy when Mikey comes back into the room.
Leo sits on his cot and lies down sideways, pulling you down with him and into his chest. There’s not a lot of space but you make it work. Once you’re both settled in, you stretch your neck to give him one last kiss goodnight.
“With you here, suddenly everything is not so bad,” Leo says after a moment, and he sighs contentedly.
“True,” you agree, and cuddle further into his chest. You may already be falling asleep, but you hear yourself mumbling, “If you get your hands on a time machine, just make sure to tell the traveller to have us get together quicker.”
Leo snorts, amused by your sleepy antics, and places a kiss on the top of your head.
“I’ll keep it in mind.”