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Shane and Ilya were like yin and yang.
The team relied on them to balance each other out.
Shane kept Ilya from getting too reckless and Ilya helped Shane let loose and enjoy himself.
That night they had won a home gain against Toronto and felt on top of the world.
Ilya wanted to get wasted and Shane was just gonna drink something light to loosen him up.
“Ohhh they have a house tea!” Wyatt yelled over the music and pointed out the new menu item to Shane.
Shane squinted at the description and had to admit it sounded really good.
They agreed to get one each to try. Wyatt was happy to see Shane indulge.
They got their drinks and it looked as good as the description made it sound. It looked almost like a pink lemonade and stood in a tall glass with a strawberry wedge.
“Can I have a straw?” The two man said simultaneously. They looked at each other a had to hold back their chuckles. The bartender was equally amused as she turned to grab them both straws.
The men began to take heavenly sips of their drinks.
“Oh my god…” Wyatt said turning to Shane with wide eyes.
“This is the shit!” Shane said pointing to his drink and smiling wildly.
They didn’t speak for a moment after that, just drinking their drinks. Anytime they both came up for air they just looked at each others and tried not to laugh.
After they both finished the entire glass they leaned back.
“I would drink that out of my wife’s tits…” Wyatt said with a wide grin.
“I’d suck that out of Ilya’s dick!” Shane replied.
They both began to howl with laughter as they listed off the things they would do to get another drink.
They eventually came to their senses and just ordered another one.
When Dykstra finally found them they were grabbing at each other while cracking jokes about tits and dicks no one else could understand.
Wyatt wiped his eyes and slurred “Ok-ok…w’t bout a fried mozzarella sandwich…with-with mantilla..”
“Fuck-ok…Tits…that sounds s’mazing.” Shane slurred back. “Those Oreo brownies Harris made..”
Wyatt slammed his hand down on the table “I’d suck so much dick for that shit! HAH!”
The two men nearly collapsed into each other with laughter.
Dykstra didn’t have time to be perplexed because he was holding the wrist of an unruly and intoxicated Ilya.
Ilya looked towards the bar and caught sight of his husband. Dykstra barely had time to react when Ilya sprung toward his husband.
He didn’t immediately go to Shane. He simply yelled out how much he loved this song and stayed on the dance floor as he swayed within the bodies. He was moving just enough that Evan couldn’t grab him so he just gave up.
Shane was now turned from where he was at the bar to face the dance floor.
He had his legs splayed wide. The one hand holding the ‘tea’ was dropped between his legs. He was leaned back.
Ilya was swaying and spinning to the beat of Promiscuous by Nelly Furtando. Clearly putting on a show.
He locked eyes with his husband as he sat next to a nearly passed out Wyatt. He was looking at Ilya like he was going to eat him whole. God he looked so fucking sexy, like he would smack Ilya around…but like in a sexy way.
People like to immaculate Shane for some reason. People think Ilya must like Shane because he’s kind of girly. They couldn’t be more role. He liked Shane because he was the manliest person he has ever met.
He talked about nothing but hockey if you let him. He worked out constantly and ate nothing but things of the highest protein, giving him an insane physique. Despite being one inch shorter than Ilya he could easily pick up the man.
From how he was sitting now, every one of his muscles was strained and visible underneath his black slacks and black button up.
Ilya loved how Shane was looking at him. Like he was acknowledging that Ilya was only dancing for him. Like he knew Ilya wouldn’t dare dance with anyone else, touch anyone else. That Ilya was his.
Then Shane lifted his drink, his tongue darting out to find the straw, reminding him of what his mouth could do. Then once he finally had the straw, Ilya could focus on with the bobbing of his husband’s Adam’s apple.
Shane slammed the drink back down and licked his lips slowly before being the back of his hand up to wipe the nonexistent residue on his mouth.
Ilya stopped dancing. Shane stood up. Dykstra nearly had a stroke.
The husband’s hurdle towards each other like it burned to be apart, and when their bodies finally connected the furiously began to make out with each other.
Ilya began to push Shane back into the bar and onto the stool. He was once sitting at.
Whatever he was saying in Russian made, Shane grind his hips, even more eagerly against his husband‘s torso.
Dykstra heard some of ‘you’re sexy’ and ‘private dancer’ but it was mostly lost on him trying to get the both of them out of here and back home.
He reluctantly moved towards the massive groping limbs.
“Shane you were supposed to be my sober buddy. What happened?!” Dykstra shouted. Him and Shane were supposed to be the two sober people that made sure everybody else got home. Getting a bunch of rowdy hockey players who are filled to the broom with tequila. Home in one piece was a two person job now it was all up to him.
When Shane didn’t answer, Evan moved to physically separate the two.
Suddenly, Shane dragged a hand from where he was running it through his husband‘s hair and grabbed Evan by the collar before pushing him away, nearly knocking him off his feet.
Shane turned his head and Ilya began placing sloppy desperate kissed on his jaw “Leave..” He gritted out.
Ok now they were starting to piss him off. Evan already had Bood in his car to drive him home, and the rookies were already sent away in Ubers. Wyatt was of course gonna have to come home with him. But Ilya was supposed to be Shane‘s responsibility. Looks like he was gonna have to add two more guests to the guest list.
He could just drop them home, but that would require leaving his wife with two drunk hockey players by herself while he did and he couldn’t do that to her.
He looked around to find people trying their hardest to look away from the two men. Some people were trying their hardest, not to look away.
Just then Ilya let out a low groan as his grip on Shane’s thigh tightened. Times up.
Dykstra reached into Ilya’s pocket and pulled out the travel lube he always kept there.
Ilya must’ve noticed its absence almost immediately and whipped around to try and snatch it from him.
“Get up!” Evan said sternly “Then you can have it back.”
Finally, the two men got up, but they didn’t let go of each other staying interlinked at the hands.
Evan moved to grab a passed out, Wyatt from the bar and made his way to the car.
Finally everyone was in the car. Bood had was yelling and singing obnoxiously to Won’t Bite by Doja Cat.
Evan made Shane sit in the front. Without his husband’s electric energy chain pretty much fell asleep, matching Wyatt. Whatever they had must’ve done them in pretty good.
Ilya was still awake and sang along with Bood.
Once the song ended Ilya fell back with a sigh.
“So hard..” He groaned while palming his crotch.
Bood seems genuinely upset for him and rubbed his shoulder. “All ok Rozy.” he said with his accent thick and heavy.
“We wake up Shane?” Bood said like they were going over a play.
Ilya nodded and moved to shake his husband.
“No!” Evan said as he turned to swat Ilya’s hand.
“I want Shane…” Ilya whined
Bood began to rub his face “If you don’t get him. Rozy won’t shut up.” he said matter-of-factly.
“Shaaaaanee” Ilya said louder
“Shut up stupid..” Bood said shoving Ilya.
“Sooryy my dick hurts…” Ilya leaned over and put his head on the back a Shane’s chair.
By some miracle they finally pull into his driveway. Kaitlyn moves to bring the guys inside. Wyatt is more awake now and talking about how much money his newest comic cost him.
Shane needs no help getting out of the car because his husband essentially husband style lifts him through the door. Bood in tow.
Once inside, Evan gets them situated in his guest rooms.
He’s taking off shoes, pulling off jackets. Texting wives. All the things he’s meant to do.
He gives Kaitlyn a silent, thumbs up so she doesn’t worry and can go upstairs without thinking the men are about to ruin her house.
She was a saint for staying up this late, knowing full well she had a shift at the hospital tomorrow. He promised to eat her out as a thank you.
He sits on the couch to take a little breather. Mini trash cans to make sure they don’t throw up all over the carpet. Check. Extra blankets. Check. Water. Check.
Oh shit Gatorade.
The ultimate hangover best friend. Evan got up went to the fridge and pulled out four ice cold bottles.
He walk down to the first guest room and found Wyatt and Zane cuddled up in the comforter. Looking absolutely totaled if he was honest. They were both snoring like crazy.
He silently set down the Gatorade bottles on their nightstand, tucked them in nice and tight and closed the door.
It kind of warmed his heart to see them, so calm and comfortable.
That warm feeling immediately died when he went to open Shane and Ilya’s room.
He dropped both of the bottles in his hand and was left stunned at the obscene actions, taking place on his wife’s sheets.
Ilya had Shane bent over the right side of the bed facing the door. He was drilling into Shane with reckless abandon. They both were completely naked and covered in sweat. Shane had the comforter pulled to his chest, cleaning onto it for dear life. His face was something Evan had never seen before. Mouth wide, open, eyes rolled back. Ilya was behind him gritting his teeth as his eyes frantically watched his husband come apart beneath him.
Ilya leaned back to look at the ceiling and saw Dykstra standing there.
“Hello.” Ilya said as he began to slow his thrusts.
His eyes were filled with confusion. not confused like ‘oh my God we got caught. Are you not gonna yell at us’ more like ‘oh my God you’re still here can you get out?’
Shane reached back and hit Ilyas hip “Don’t stop, harder please…” He whined out.
Ilya looked back down at Shane and sped up again while Shane let out satisfied tears.
Dykstra would never get this out of his mind.
He turned around and went straight up to his room.
Thank goodness Kaitlyn was already asleep because he did not want to look at anyone after what he just saw.
After half an hour, he was finally able to get some sleep. The next morning he woke to a bunch of commotion in the kitchen.
Dykstra hesitantly walked down the stairs to find Ilya making breakfast for everybody.
He gave Kaitlyn a kiss and sat down at the island trying not to make eye contact with Ilya.
“You are chipper.” Evan said quietly.
“Am Russian, we don’t get hangovers.” Ilya shrugged as he flipped the pancake.
Kaitlyn laughed “That’s a lie, I already gave him some Alka-seltzer. He was like the walking dead an hour ago.”
“You went into their room?!” Evan turned in shock.
“Ah, so you do remember last night.” Ilya gave Kaitlyn a knowing smirk as she tried to hold back a laugh.
“That was not funny” Shane huffed from where he was standing next to Ilya.
“Share with the class.” Bood set down his coffee.
Wyatt sat up from the couch as well to hear the gossip.
“No!” Shane said sternly while turning tomato red.
“Even saw Shane and Ilya fucking.” Kaitlyn giggled.
Everyone began to laugh, but Evan, who simply let out of frustrated groan.
Kaitlyn rubbed his back and tried to reassure him “don’t worry, baby Shane already replaced the sheets and even offered to do laundry at his house to get the stains out.”
Shane winced as she recalled their earlier conversation.
“Sorry but not Deedee.” Ilya said sliding him a plate of pancakes and fluffy eggs.
“How did you…I took your.”
“I grabbed out a cupholder when I go to get chain last night. You must be quicker than that with me.” Ilya smiled while he sipped his coffee.
Shane stood in-front of him and put down a cup of coffee “I’m really sorry about getting wasted man…I looked up the tea that we had and apparently it’s like 80% alcohol. I promise you I didn’t know yesterday. It didn’t even taste like it had any in it.
Evan nodded and accepted the coffee “You’re off the hook this time Holly.”
At least the breakfast was pretty good.
After that night, there was a rule put in place that if Shane and Ilya were to get drunk together at someone’s house, they were not allowed to be left alone with each other.