Chapter Text
~Angus POV~
It is monday and i am sitting in between Marly and tony. I have my hand on marly's thigh, she put it there, that bitchy whore won't leave me alone for even three seconds, following me like a puppy saying she's "one of the guys" she's so fucking annoying, such a pick me. "Angus, pay attention" Mrs Wright snaps; I roll my eyes, god how I hate school. I avert my gaze to Tony, his chocolate brown eyes and long thick eyelashes were pointed to the whiteboard. We are in science, working on biology, specifically cells and reproduction. When Mrs Wright announced the topic of today's lesson at the top of her voice to a class of horny, immature teenagers I think I choked on my water. We were learning about the reproductive system, specifically the male reproductive system, meaning we will be learning about penis' for 70 minutes straight.
Marly sure as hell will love this lesson almost as much as she loves dick from other boys. All the other girls are already blushing before the lesson even started, boy's snickering in the back. I guess we're learning about stiffy's and wet dreams. Every time Miss Wright mentioned anything about jacking off I swear I could hear Tony stifle a chuckle and I'd flush a deep mauve.
Why does he have to be so goddamn hot?.. I love him so much... wait... no, no, no, NO, Father isaac says 'man shall not lie with man' [Leviticus 18:22] and that god will send all gays to hell, dad would shoot me dead if he ever found out..
~time skip coz i'm lazy~
I get home and pray, tears rolling down my cheeks. "Forgive me Father For I have sinned, I'm looking for your guidance, I believe I'm falling for my best friend, what should I do? If I do act on my feelings I will go to hell, why can't I be normal again?" I wipe the tears from my now red cheeks, and go to brush my teeth imagining what life would be like if Tony and I could be together, married with 2 children and a pet hamster, the idea of it sounds... peaceful... and.. perfect... Alas nothing is perfect and sometimes things aren't meant to be, like people, think Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson they never got their happy ending, nor will Tony and I.
I lay in bed wearing my batman t-shirt and heart patterned boxers; staring at the ceiling thinking about what life could be like, a life where my parents saw me as something other than good grades, a life where my grandparents were accepting, a life where I could be gay without punishment, and a life where Tony and I could be together without being shunned by the catholic church.
I roll over and unlock my phone, looking through Tony's snap, he's trying to pick out clothes for church on sunday, light blue button up or white, black or navy trousers, long tie or bow tie... how i wish i put effort into how I look.. I normally just throw on one of my dad's old button ups, and some burgundy school formal uniform trousers, no tie, no fancy leather shoes. Why can't I be normal? Can't I just like girls? Why do I like boys? It's sick, it's not right, god will never love you, why should i? For the past couple of weeks there's been 1 question circulating through my mind, it's ever present, I can't evade it, Why? Why can't I be normal, why do I like him if it's sin? Why do I make it obvious? Why do my eyes light up whenever he's mentioned? Why don't I look at my girlfriend the way I look at him? I'm supposed to love Marly not him, wait I love him? How can something so wrong feel so right?
At church I couldn't even focus on what scripture Father Isaac was talking about, all I could do was study Tony, the way his eyes look when he's intently listening, the way his adam's apple bobs up and down when he swallows, the way his eyes light up when he smiles. I'm in the house of God and all I can think of and focus on is him as if being gay wasn't already a big enough sin.
~another time skip because I'm lazy~
This morning I woke up with my eyes painfully bloodshot from crying. I'm so glad today is a pupil free day, a whole day to myself and Tony. Tony is staying over tonight so that means I can't have any slip ups, I can't cry myself to sleep. I have to act like a normal, heterosexual male, kinda hard when him drinking water alone makes me, well, hard. I sigh and get up, throwing on a blue and black striped t-shirt and black cargo shorts. I splash my face with water, run my fingers through my hair a few times and slip on some black vans. I spend a few minutes looking for my wallet, planning to take Tony to KFC.
After I find my wallet and shove it in my pocket, I grab my dirt bike and ride to Tony's house. When I get there and knock on the door Tony answers beaming with his little brother's green dinosaur helmet. We laugh the whole way into town, we do a few tricks, pop a few wheelies before we get to the park. We are sitting on top of the geo dome, throwing chips at toddlers. (fries for american readers) this is the most i've smiled in a long time, but my mood was quickly soured as i get a call from my mom, i wouldn't doubt that tony could hear the yelling through the phone, because he definitely saw my slight flinching.
"Yes mum- yes mum- yeah, yeah, yeah- ok... yeah mum.. See you soon.. Love yo-..." I sigh and put my phone back in my pocket "I've got to go home Tony, sorry, I'll see you at school.." I don't let Tony answer before riding home, only stopping for a cane train. I quietly entered the house, dad passed out drunk on the recliner, remote in hand, news on the tv. Mum in the dining room, waiting for me. I had forgotten to fold the drying..shit mum has the belt... "mum, please, i forgot, i-i'll do them now, p-put down the belt..." I slowly back up, tripping over an empty beer bottle, hitting the back of my head on an end table.
-warning, gore and even more angst-
A few hours later, I am in the shower, washing the blood off my back. Normally there would just be a few red marks but this time I got hit by the buckle. I slowly bandage my ribs before getting dressed and climbing into bed, before I can even put my laptop on charge; I'll regret that in the morning.