Work Text:
Nil wasn't a normal kid. He never quite fit in, like an extra puzzle piece that shouldn't have been left over.
He never knew why he felt like this, he wanted to be normal, to play with the other kids with ease but instead every day he found himself sitting alone.
Very early on he had been labeled as ''the angry kid,,
No one wants to be friends with someone who's known for blowing up on you. So Nil was often alone.
Silently watching, trying to learn how to be normal.
It never worked.
That was—of course, until Dimitri showed up. Some kid who seemed to get along with everyone, someone Nil was infinitely jealous of.
Dimitri didn't care how angry Nil supposedly was, he still treated Nil with kindness. Like he didn't need to be walking on eggshells around him.
Nil for the first time was able to have an engaging conversation, play games, hangout, be a kid.
For the first time he had a real friend.
As they got older they only got closer, how in highschool he was in a band with Dimitri and his two friends Momo and Journey.
They needed a singer and apparently Nils screaming was perfect for a punk band, so he joined.
Sure he hung out with Momo and Journey, laughed at their antics, smoked with them, shared food. But they weren't his friends. They were Dimitris.
At the end of the day he wasn't thinking about how when he got home he'd call them and continue to talk about the day they had shared.
He was thinking about how he'd call Dimitri.
Stay on the phone until he passed out in his bed, day clothes still on.
Now they were highschool seniors.
Typically everyone started to be friends during their senior year, Nil had been looking forward to that shift since middle school. But it seemed he had been left out of the loop.
While everyone else was being invited to parties and hanging with friends, Nil still stayed alone, or attached to Dimitri's side.
So imagine his surprise when Dimitri told Nil he should tag along with him to an actual party.
Was Nil formally invited? Not exactly.. but if he showed up with Dimitri no one would have the guts to kick him out.
So he agreed.
Maybe this was his chance to integrate into normal highschool society!
Nil, Momo, Journey, and Dimitri were all piled into Dimitri's truck—Juno.
They were all chatting, talking about how fun this was gonna be.
How Momo wanted to get "white girl wasted" whatever that meant.
Dimitri parked his truck on the side of the road. They didn't have a designated driver since Pine Point was so small everything was walking distance if you put your mind to it.
A few of their classmates were standing on the porch, cans in hand, laughing and talking.
Nil was already incredibly intimidated.
Despite that he still followed Dimitri into the house, Momo and Journey trailing behind as they laughed and shoved each other playfully.
"Hey Dimitri, you made it!!!"
Someone called out the moment they stepped inside.
It felt like a cutscene was just set off as Nil watched some guy from the hockey team walk over to them with his hand out, a can of beer in the other.
He dabbed Dimitri up, Nil watched extremely confused.
It looked like some dumb mating ritual animals performed to greet each other.
"Of course I did man! I was invited, wasn't I?"
Dimitri laughed, resting his hands in the pockets of his jeans.
He glanced over to Nil, who was visibly uncomfortable.
"Hope you don't mind I brought a plus one"
He spoke, gesturing the Nil as the Hockey bro shrugged his shoulders.
"A friend of Dimitri's is a friend of mine"
He grinned, laughing as he reached his hand out to do the same motion he just had with Dimitri to Nil.
Nil just stared at the hand, reaching out, unsure of what to do.
He tried what looked more like a poor attempt at a half high-five half fist-bump before retracting his hand in defeat. The poor hockey bro gave him a pitying look, like he understood the frustration.
"Well I hope you enjoy the party man, drinks are in the kitchen help yourself"
With that the guy disappeared into the crowd, leaving Nil to wallow in his own embarrassment and Dimitri to turn back to Nil.
"Drinks?"
Dimitri offered, sensing Nils' tension and half hoping, half praying that Nil would loosen up after he got some alcohol in his system.
"Drinks."
The two made their way through the kitchen, weaving through the hoard of teenagers. They had long since lost Momo and Journey, god knows what they were getting up to. Whatever it was Nil prayed it wouldn't cause a scene.
Finally they made it, there was a bowl of punch, a stack of red Solo cups beside it—classic. And cliche.—and a few cases of beer all piled up on the kitchen counter.
Dimitri grabbed a beer while Nil went for a cup to fill with punch, he had never been a fan of beer—couldn't stand the taste or the way the smell clinged to everything.
Nil listened as Dimitri cracked open the can as he finished filling the cup, taking a sip and almost immediately spitting it out, Infact he had to cover his mouth with his hand to literally stop himself.
"Shit! This punch is like 99% vodka"
Nil almost gagged as he just took it down. Dimitri was laughing at his friend's misfortune of expecting some fruity drink and getting straight hand sanitizer.
"HA! Oh my god, you should've seen your face!"
Dimitri laughed as Nil wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he glared at Dimitri before wiping his punch and spit the covered hand of Dimitri's hoodie.
"Screw you man! I wanna see you try and take a shot of this fruity monstrosity"
Nil grinned as he dried his hand on his friend's clothes.
"Ewwww you're so gross"
Dimitri jumped away once he realized what Nil was doing, a bit of his beer spilling out into his hands which Nil promptly laughed at.
Nil laughed as he took another sip, the second one wasn't as bad since he knew what to expect but that didn't mean it went down easy.
"You know what's gross? This fucking punch."
He rolled his eyes, taking back another gross sip as Dimitri laughed even more, taking a more careful sip of his own beer so as to not spill on himself. He didn't want to be sticky already. The night had just begun.
"Yeah? Or can you just not handle your liquor?"
Dimitri had a dumb smug look on his face, one that Nil knew all too well. The one that filled Nil with an emotion he had labeled himself as rage.
"Yeah whatever, I can so hold my liquor! Maybe not as well as you but I can hold my own!"
Immediately Nil got defensive, as he always did. It was so so easy to get him all riled up and Dimitri tended to take full advantage of that. He found it hilarious, Nil found it infuriating.
Nil took a massive gulp of the mostly vodka-part punch mixture. Making a face as he forced the liquid down.
"Augh.... see?"
Nil attempted to give Dimitri a proud smile but it didn't work as the taste lingered in his mouth for way too long—which in reality was as long as it should. Just goes to show how gross it was.
Dimitri laughed again.
"Yeah? Sure bud"
He rolled his eyes, taking a normal sip of his beer since he didn't have anything to prove.
Nil's glare was back as he stared at the purple drink in his cup. He didn't want anymore.
"Everything you call me "Bud" it makes me wanna die a little"
He groaned, hitting his forehead with the palm of his hand. Words couldn't express how much Nil hated that nickname.
It was the sorta nickname the gym coach would call him when Nil was refusing to participate again. Or the sorta thing his dad would use during one of his half-assed ways he tried to connect to Nil that never seemed to work.
Maybe if effort was put in it would work.
Was what Nil always thought at the time. But now he tried his best not to think of it.
"I know, that's way I use it"
Dimitri's smug look was still plastered on his face.
He took another sip of his beer, taking slightly more this time.
Nil groaned his annoyance, rolling his eyes again as he grossed his arms over his chest.
Nil opened his mouth to speak again but was almost immediately interrupted by some girl purring his arm around Dimitri's shoulder.
Stacy.
Nil couldn't describe how much he hated Stacy. Mainly because he didn't know why.
He was filmed with pure rage every time she came over, always standing too close to Dimitri, always this fake nice to Nil that she only showed when Dimitri was around.
If Nil was by himself Stacy wouldn't look twice at him, let alone at all.
It annoyed him beyond comprehension.
But he didn't have an actual reason.
Everyone ignored him unless he was with Dimitri, sometimes they even ignored him when he was with his friend.
It was just this once blonde girl that Nil couldn't stand.
"Dimitri!!!! You're here!!"
She seemed happier to see him than usual.
Dimitri smiled at her, not bothering to move her arm off from its place around his shoulders.
"Yeah of course I am, you think I'd miss an opportunity at free booze?"
Dimitri laughed softly and Stacy laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world.
Like it was her very first time hearing a joke and she just discovered what laughing was.
"It wasn't that funny.."
Nil grumbled under his breath. Stacy looked at him, finally. But she ultimately decided to ignore him, unsurprising.
"You're soooo funny Dimitri"
She laughed, Nil didn't understand what was happening. Why was she so close to him? Why was she acting like this? It was so weird and annoying.
Dimitri chuckled a little, shrugging his shoulders which seemed to get Stacy to let go, even if that wasn't the intended purpose.
"I guess I got a few good ones in me"
He spoke like he didn't care, Nil hated it because he cared.
"Yeahhh.... Well I was wondering if you wanted to join me and my friends? We're all hanging out and you'd have a blast!"
She offered, then seemed to remember Nil's existence.
"Unless of course you're busy over here.."
She looked as if she wanted to say something a lot meaner but held it to make herself seem more appealing. Which was exactly what was happening.
Dimitri looked over at Nil, almost as if asking for permission to leave with her.
"Oh no don't worry about me, you go have fun"
Was what came out of Nils mouth while his mind was going—"what the fuck dude, you dragged me here no way you're allowed to leave with some girl"
But he didn't say that. So now Dimitri was smiling at him and saying.
"Thanks man, I'll come find you later"
Nil mumbled something akin to a "yeah whatever" under his breath before Dimitri disappeared into the crowd with that dumb girl Nil couldn't stand.
Now he was alone.
Alone at a party he didn't even want to be at. Maybe he could try to find Momo and Journey but he also didn't want to be involved in whatever bullshit they were up to.
So instead he gulped down the rest of what he could tolerate from the punch before attempting to walk around and talk to people.
This plan proved rather boring, especially the part where Nil just aimlessly wandered around, waiting for something interesting to happen.
He walked by Dimitri—Who did not notice him.
Eventually he found Momo and Journey setting up some really dumb looking game.
"What on earth are you guys doing.."
Nil asked, staring down at the ''game,, being set up.
There was one red cup filled to the brim with the disgusting punch while Momo surrounded it with cans of beer.
"Chandeliers!"
Journey answered as if that name meant something to Nil who just gave him a "what does that even mean" sorta look.
"It's a drinking game"
Journey clarified a little and Nil just rolled his eyes.
"Well duh.I gathered that much"
Nil crossed his arms over his chest as he stared at the now set up game, trying to figure out how I play considering Journey wasn't being much help. He never really was. At least in Nil's opinion.
"Basically you take a quarter and flip it then whoever's cup it lands in they have to drink, if it lands in the middle everyone finishes as quickly as possible. Last one done has to drink the middle cup"
Momo finally chimed in and actually explained what the game was which Nil was grateful for, he nodded his head, looking over at Momo.
"And you're playing!"
She added in. Nil frowned.
He wasn't exactly keen on drinking, he didn't do it often and wasn't sure how well he could handle his liquor let alone chugging it.
But what the hell.
Dimitri left him alone, if Nil got drunk it was Dimitris fault for leaving.
So Nil shrugged his shoulders.
It didn't take long for other people to join in, eventually they had a group of about six people all sitting around the weird circle of beers.
Some guy Nil recognized as someone if the basketball team offered up a quarter for the game so he went first, flipping the coin and it bouncing off of Momo beer first.
So of course she drank what was about the equivalent of a shot.
Then it was her turn to flip a coin, it landed on some blonde girls beer, she laughed a little but took her "shot,,
After she laughed with her friends a little—Nil wasn't entirely sure what was so funny—she finally flipped the coin, landing right in the middle in the gross dark punch.
Nil barely even knew what was happening before everyone yelled incoherently and scrambled to grab their cans of beer, having to be the first to finish it so they didn't have to drink the mixture in the middle that now had a dirty coin in it.
Nil grabbed his beer, his grip denting the can as he began to chug.
His stomach hurt from the taste but he forced his down.
He was barely able to finish it but finally he got the last drop and squeezed the can tight, signifying he was done.
When he finally looked back at everyone the first thing he noticed was all the eyes on him, staring.
He did not like that.
The second thing he noticed was all the crumpled cans laying in front of everyone while Nil's was still in his hand.
Momo—of course—was the first to burst out laughing, following shortly with Journey.
"Dude!!! Sucks to be you! First time playing and you gotta drink it!"
Momo laughed out as a few other people joined in. One younger girl gave him a slightly pitying look like she had been there.
Nil rolled his eyes.
"Fuck you all"
He groaned in annoyance as he grabbed the painfully full cup. The punch spilled only his hands, he'd have to wash them later.
He took one last look at everyone before pinching his nose with his other hand to hopefully lessen the awful taste. He tilted his head back and began to chug.
Immediately cheering ensued, started by Momo, obviously.
"Chug!! Chug!!! Chug!!"
The voices blurred together as Nil forced the drink down. Stopping half away to catch his breath, praying to every god to not puke everyone.
But he wasn't a quitter and he definitely wasn't weak.
So his head tilted back again as he finished the drink. Throwing the cup on the ground in triumph as cheering filled his ears.
Is this what it felt like to be popular?
Everyone cheered for him because he drank of all things.
Nil wiped his mouth with his already punch soaked sleeve before pulling off his sweater.
"Fuck. That punch is so gross"
He shook his head and everyone laughed.
Actually laughed.
This was weird.
Parties are weird.
Everyone started to stand and Nil wasn't sure if he could without the intense nausea seeping back into his stomach.
But before he could even make the decision to stay on the ground a hand had wrapped around his arm and hoisted him up.
"Fuck off Momo"
He groaned as Momo snickered, her signature wide grin plastered on her face. Once Nil was upright he immediately felt the weight of Momo's arm around him, leaning into him like she was the one who needed the extra support.
"You feeling it yet?"
She asked, pushing into Nil even more, he felt like he was going to collapse before he moved away from her grip.
"I just drank it. No shit I'm still fine, aren't you like some drug expert?"
Nil snapped at her and she just giggled more, finding his annoyance amusing.
"Yeah but you're a lightweight, so the rules are different"
Momo explained as if she was the smartest person in the world, holding up a finger as if to say
"Erm actually!"
Which she basically did.
"Yeah? And you're insufferable"
"Insufferable? I prefer the term lovably annoying"
She moved back close to Nil, their shoulders touching. Nil could punch her. Why did Dimitri choose her of all people to befriend? Why did she think they were closer than they actually were?
"Yeah? Well I prefer the term get off my ass"
He rolled his eyes again, shoving her away as he raised her hands if surrender.
"Someone's a mean drunk"
Momo snickered and Nil narrowed his eyes. His vision seemed to be focused on Momo, and only Momo—given that's who he was staring at. But everything else seemed blurry.
"I'm not drunk"
"Yeah, and I've never touched a substance in my life"
"Bullshit"
"Exactly my point"
God was she ever annoying. So Nil turned and began to walk away, moving on foot in front of the other suddenly felt a little more challenging than normal, he even stumbled a few times but was managing.
He weaved through the crowd, one thing—or person.—on his mind.
Dimitri.
He didn't know where Dimitri was, nor where he was headed. Nil just stumbled through the crowd until his eyes landed on the guy who had greeted them at the door.
Nil took a deep breath and tried his best to act normal, or what he thought was normal.
"Hey mann, have you seen Dimitri anywhere?"
Nil asked, a small smile on his face which was the most off putting part of his entire demeanor.
"Oh hey dude! I think I saw him head upstairs but don't quote me on that"
Nil felt a hand land on his shoulder he glanced over at it before movement caught his eye of the guy’s other hand pointing.
Nil followed the finger as it pointed to the stairs leading to the second floor that was noticeably less packed.
"Thanks, thanks.."
Nil nodded his head before pulling away and going to the stairs without even saying goodbye.
Both hands landed on the railing, gripping his tighter than normal as he made his way up the stairs carefully which was proving rather difficult.
Eventually—and with significant effort—Nil made it to the top of the stairs. He didn't even know why he wanted to find Dimitri—it wasn't even a sense of want. No, he needed to find Dimitri and he wasn't sure why.
He opened the first door, a bedroom.
No Dimitri.
In fact there wasn't even anyone in the room.
He closed the door and continued on his mission.
The second door held a girl laying passed out in a bed with another girl on the floor next to her with a bag under her head.
Nil attempted to close the door semi-quietly for their sake.
He opened the second to last door, it was a bathroom.
The first thing he noticed was a brunette girl sitting on the counter, her ass half in the sink, a pair of hands holding her waist, feeling her up shamelessly.
The second thing he noticed was a second pair of hands tangled in white-bleached hair.
"Are you fucking serious?"
Nil's words spilled out before he could even think about stopping himself.
The two pulled away immediately upon realizing they had been found.
Dimitri had lipstick smeared around his mouth and lips. Stacy had an annoyed look on her face.
"Can't you knock?"
She spat out, glaring at Nil, clearly unhappy they had been interrupted.
"You left me alone to make out with some chick!?"
Nil's voice raised as his hand gripped the doorknob so tightly his knuckles turned white.
He didn't understand why he was so upset, why he felt like screaming and crying, why this deep out of jealousy grew in his stomach.
He could blame it on the alcohol, and god knows he was going to.
But he couldn't deny there was something underlying all the emotions he felt.
"Nil- I'm sorry I didn't think we would"
Dimitri started to apologize, knowing he fucked up, knowing he was being a dick.
"No! Shut up! Fuck you. I'm going home. Have fun with your girlfriend"
Nil yelled, slamming the door closed as he stumbled his way back to the stairs.
His vision was blurry as he grabbed the railing for dear life.
He could hear someone calling out to him, that someone being Dimitri.
But Nil kept making his way down the stairs, trying not to stumble over his own feet.
Finally he reached the bottom steps, almost falling flat on his face if it wasn't for someone catching him.
"Woah, had a little too much to drink there?"
The guy laughed as Nil shoved him off.
"Fuck off I'm fine."
He spat out, pushing his way through the crowd with Dimitri following close behind him.
"Nil! Come back!"
He called out but all attempts were futile as Nil kept pushing his way through the crowd of drunk teenagers.
Finally Nils hands made contact with the doorknob, grabbing it and turning it hard, yanking the door open as he stumbled onto the porch.
He collided with the porch fence, hands grabbing the wood. He didn't even care about splinters as he tried desperately to catch his breath.
Tears felt like they were about to spill and he didn't understand.
Dimitri caught up.
"Nil! Nil I'm sorry I left you"
He tried to talk as Nil whipped around, standing face to face with his friend.
He stared up at the boy before shoving his hard, making Dimitri stumble back, almost crashing into the door.
"No! No you're not."
"If you were you wouldn't have left in the first place!"
Nil stumbled off the porch, making his way down the dimly lit driveway.
The sun was setting, casting a dark glow over the town. Only the peak of it could be seen over the treeline.
Nil stumbled over the grass, making his way to the sidewalk with his newfound headstart on Dimitri he kept walking, completely forgetting about the sweater he had left inside.
None of that mattered right now.
Nil marched down the sidewalk behind a hand grabbed his, tightly. Nil stopped dead in his tracks, trying to pull his hand out of Dimitri's grip.
"Let go!'
He yelled, tears falling from his face.
"Nil quit it—why're you acting like this? Cuz I kissed some girl? What does it matter to you"
Dimitri argued back, drunk but not to Nil's level.
He tugged Nil back, causing the boy to stumble as he used his free hand to wipe his eyes.
"I don't know!! I don't know, okay?"
Nil choked on his sobs as he tried desperately to take deep breaths.
"I saw you with that girl! And I just couldn't! I couldn't stand it"
He basically yelled at Dimitri. The raw emotion in Nils voice was more than he had ever been able to produce while singing, maybe it was the alcohol or maybe the years of not understanding what emotions he felt towards Dimitri, but whatever it was it all came pouring out.
"Why tho? I've been with plenty of girls, you know this! Why is it suddenly a problem now!?"
Dimitri sighed in frustration, his own emotions—amplified by the alcohol were beginning to overflow.
"I don't know!!! Because I saw it maybe? Seeing you with someone like that—and you had ditched me for her—and I had just dranken so much"
Nil cried as his emotions switched between anger, sadness, and hurt all at once. Each emotion fighting for dominance.
Every instinct he had was telling him to yell and scream at Dimitri, tell him to fuck off and never talk to him again.
But the rational part of Nil knew that if he did that he'd be totally alone.
"So you're mad at me because you can't handle your liquor?"
The moment the words left his mouth Dimitri knew he fucked up.
He dug his own grave and now he had to lie in it.
"What the fuck? No! No, I'm mad that you left me!"
Nil shoved Dimitri again, hands colliding with Dimitri's chest as the blonde stumbled back, catching himself.
He righted himself, standing up tall—extreamly tall compared to Nil. Not like that had ever intimidated Nil before.
"Don't shove me! I'm sorry that you don't get invited out okay? I'm sorry people like me more"
Dimitri yelled back, shoving Nils shoulders and causing him to fall back into the grass—thank god it was the grass.
"Fuck you dude! You're being an asshole!"
Nil yelled as his hands dug into the grass, getting covered in dirt. He shoved himself back up, stumbling forward as he struggled to stay up.
"You're mad at me for making out with a hot chick who likes me! It's not my fault you don't like girls"
Silence.
Instant regret. Dimitri opened his mouth to speak but instead was met with a fist straight to his jaw.
Before he could fully recover—his vision not even clear yet.—he watched the blurry figure of his best friend walking away with the speed that was just under a run.
Dimitri stepped forward, trying to find his footing before chasing after him.
His jaw throbbed, it hurt like hell. His hand held the side where Nil had punched him, that was going to leave a mark.
"Nil wait! I didn't mean it!"
Dimitri called out as he tried to chase after Nil.
"No! No, fuck you Dimitri! Fuck you and all your friends, and all the girls who like you, and fuck me for thinking you were different"
Nil turned to yell at Dimitri before continuing his path.
He wasn't 100% sure where he was even going.
He didn't like being home, and when he was upset he'd go to Dimitri's house. It was too cold to sleep in the woods but that currently seemed like the only half-decent option.
"Nil I'm sorry"
All efforts were useless. Dimitri stumbled forward, grabbing Nil wrist again, trying desperately to reason with him.
"Nil I'm sorry I'm drunk, I didn't mean it"
Dimitri felt his own tears threatening to fall. Nil looked back at him, his face all red and his eyes puffy from the crying.
"Then what did you mean?"
Nil cried out, his voice cracking with the intense emotions. He couldn't think straight, he couldn't see straight, and he certainly couldn't walk straight.
"What the fuck did you mean by I don't like girls I don't even know what I like!"
Nil's voice kept cracking as his body shook. Dimitri used his grip to pull the shorter boy closer, hands grabbing his shoulders.
"Nil I wasn't thinking, please I'm sorry"
Nil kept sobbing, not even reacting to Dimitri's hands as they moved from his shoulders to hold the back of his neck.
"Fuck you"
Nil swore again, trying to wipe his eyes with the backs of his sticky hands.
"Fuck you you're not sorry you don't care"
Nil shook his head, still so pissed off. He wanted to punch Dimitri again, and wanted to hit him square in the jaw.
His hands balled into fists as Dimitri's grip tightened.
"No no, Nil I care, I care so much"
Dimitris words fell of deaf ears as Nil shook his head, pushing the ball of his fists against Dimitri's chest, trying to push him away but Dimitri kept pulling him back.
Quickly the ball of Nils hands turned into fists against Dimitri's chest but he didn't give up. One hand holding the back of Nil's neck and the other holding up his chin forcing the boy to look at him.
And without much thought for what the consequences would be Dimitri leaned down and pressed his lips against Nils.
It was the worst kiss in the world, Nil stopped trying to push him again, it was salty with tears and bitter with alcohol.
They pulled away, Nil's fist weakly hit against Dimitri's chest
"Fuck you I hate you so much"
Nil cried as his firsts grabbed Dimitri's shirt, pulling him back down and kissing him through the anger, the tears, and the alcohol.
Dimitri's grip loosened as he held his best friend close, the kiss becoming less hate filled and more like a million unspoken feelings and a thousand suppressed emotions came pouring out all at once.
Dimitris hand moved from the back of Nils neck to hold his waist as Nils arms moved to snake around his neck, hands tangling in Dimitri's shaggy hair similar to how Stacy's hands were.
They pulled away for barely a second to breathe before Dimitri reconnected their lips.
Nil's body was still filled with anger but that seemed to now be mixed with that same unfamiliar emotion he felt every time he was with Dimitri.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, only pulling away momentarily to breathe before finally pulling away for good to which Dimitri immediately felt hands shoving him away.
"Fuck you! Fuck you fuck you fuck you"
Nil shook his head, running hands through his hair.
"No I'm too drunk for this no"
Dimitri frowned and grabbed Nil's hand, bringing it down as he finally got a good look at his face.
"Let's go home, my home."
"Please”