Work Text:
‧˚ʚ ───────── ₊‧꒰ა ୨ৎ ໒꒱ ‧₊ ───────── ɞ˚‧
It has become such a recurring pattern, that this point Soobin wasn’t even surprised when he heard the sound of the door of his hotel room unlocking and the tall figure of Yeonjun entering inside, with a bright smile, curving his lips upwards, waving the card key teasingly in front of his face.
The first time happened unexpectedly.
It was a couple of years ago when Soobin randomly commented on a Weverse post about wanting someone to invent a machine that removed makeup. It was just a mindless comment he had written, thinking about how much of a struggle it was to take it off every single day after schedule, as he lazed on the bed. Just a few minutes later, there was a persistent knocking on his door and when he opened it, Yeonjun was standing there, holding a pack of cotton pads in his left hand, and a bottle of micellar water in his right one.
Soobin was surprised about his random appearance, but still let him in and Yeonjun immediately sat him on the floor and started cleaning his face of the heavy makeup the stylist had caked up on his face and neck. It was a pleasant feeling, having his eyes fully closed with Yeonjun dragging the cotton pads across his face with gentle care, rubbing carefully around the eyes, stripping Soobin’s face off the layers that felt like adding excessive weight on his body.
He didn’t have to do anything, he didn’t need to move an inch, just needed to keep himself all pliant and good under the weight of Yeonjun’s body on his thighs. Yeonjun took it upon himself to move Soobin’s head from one side to the other, without bothering to instruct him and Soobin couldn’t help but allow himself to slip into a state of pure bliss, to allow Yeonjun to do whatever he wanted without a single complaint.
Well, there was no reason for him to complain when it felt that good and liberating, right?
As if he was surrounded by clouds of cotton candy, his head felt calm, unbothered by responsibilities and disturbing thoughts, the sense of being taken care of, wrapping everything unnecessary behind a thick fog of tranquility.
After Yeonjun was done with removing his makeup, Soobin remembered how he opened his eyes, just to see Yeonjun’s bare face, strikingly gorgeous like heaven sent, as he looked at him with unrestrained affection. He cupped his face with his soft, smooth hands, long fingers caressing the now clean and slightly reddish skin of his cheeks, before he leaned down, dragging his tongue over Soobin’s lower lip as if to taste the chemical taste of the micellar water, before diving in for a deep, yet gentle kiss.
It was ticklish inside his stomach, stupid bubbles, rising up his chest, where they exploded one after another from the rapid rhythm of his heartbeat. It was just a simple kiss, gentle, loving, careful. They’ve had much more intense, passionate and headspinning ones, ones that sucked Soobin’s breath away leaving him stupid, empty headed mess of desire. Ones that made him a complete mess only Yeonjun was able to mend.
This one was different in a way that Yeonjun kept him somewhere between the clouds and the ground. Afloat, but not completely. Just enough to make his head cloudy and white, while still keeping him steady from getting worked up. It felt like an award for Soobin for staying still and allowing himself to be taken care of, even if Yeonjun hadn’t verbalized anything.
Their lips danced together in a rhythm of a song they were creating on the spot, soft and playful, with little giggles in between, before Yeonjun parted away carefully, placing one last kiss on each corner of his lips, before pulling him in for a tight hug. Quiet praises rolled down his lips like honey, soaking Soobin’s ears and his entire existence, sweet and sticky. The words made him a painted in deep red blushing mess, made his heart beat even more rapidly inside his chest and against Yeonjun’s body, yet he felt at peace.
Yeonjun then got up and offered his hand, and when Soobin took it and got up as well, he was carefully guided to the bathroom, where Yeonjun stopped in front of the sink and slipped a cute pale blue hairband with bunny ears over his head to keep his hair dry. Cleansing foam was smeared on his hands, then gently pressed on Soobin’s face, massaging the skin gently to remove any leftover from the makeup.
Soobin remembered the cleansing foam smelling like strawberries, so sweet and soft against his skin. It made Yeonjun lean close and rub their noses, saying how nice it smelled. The closeness and Yeonjun’s unreal presence had Soobin floating on these cotton candy clouds that surrounded him, while butterflies flapped their wings inside his stomach.
He has been using that brand ever since then.
Carefully telling him to keep his eyes closed, gently bending his head over the sink to wash face, doing his skincare for him, all while Soobin was just staying still, allowing himself to be pampered and taken care of like a baby. Guiding him to the bed and tucking him in nicely, then climbing on the other side, wrapping his arms around him in a warm cuddle, adorning his lips and skin with tender kisses. Adorning his body with the love, Yeonjun firmly claimed he deserved, until reddish marks bloomed like rose petals on places only Yeonjun was able to see. Taking the lead, while all Soobin had to do was to stay still and pretty for him.
Without thinking of anything, without even lifting his fingers.
It felt nice.
It felt nice because it was Yeonjun doing it. It felt safe and secure letting his hyung do that for him, just like home. Like a place, where they belonged together, like a routine that was only theirs. Their little moments of softness.
Ever since that night, things like these occurred from time to time. Not always, due to the nature of their job and not only with Soobin being on the receiving end, as he also loved taking care of Yeonjun when his hyung wanted that of him or when the younger himself insisted.
But with Yeonjun, it was impulsive. He did things completely unexpectedly.
Soobin would mention something briefly, either to the members, to the staff, or while talking with their fans on Weverse and just minutes later Yeonjun would knock on his door, or drag him to his room if he was in the living room, or just provide him with what he needed.
Even the smallest, most insignificant things.
When Soobin said he wanted “a machine that reduces bloating”, Yeonjun brought him five packs of tea that was said to deal with that.
When Soobin said he wanted “a machine that washed his hair for him”, Yeonjun suddenly appeared at his door and took him to the bathroom, without asking.
When Soobin said he wanted “a machine that brushed his teeth for him”, Yeonjun knocked on his door, holding his toothbrush in hand.
It had made Soobin laugh how silly his boyfriend looked with the brush between his fingers, and eyebrows knitted in the cutest expression ever with an expectant pout on his lips. Soobin just couldn’t say ‘No’.
It was a little selfish on his part, the way he never refused Yeonjun’s care, the way he craved it, and the way he started mentioning stuff more and more often, just to see his hyung fulfilling them all. It was greedy of him how he kept receiving Yeonjun’s gentleness, and at some point the guilt started overtaking his wishes and he found himself apologizing to the older, his heart squeezed in anxiety.
Yeonjun was just as busier as him, if not even more, but would still selflessly run to Soobin every time a small, mindless wish of the younger reached his ears. He was exhausted beyond comprehension, yet still put Soobin as his first priority above everything else. Over and over again. And knowing that, Soobin couldn’t help but feel guilty, as if he was doing something bad, as if he was abusing Yeonjun’s kindness due to his greed.
He remembered crying so hard that one time, out of fear and concern, that it set the older into a slight panic, before he was hugged tightly enough for Soobin to feel Yeonjun’s heartbeat hitting his own chest. The older promised him that none of his concerns were true, while softly threading fingers through his hair, so careful, making Soobin feel precious, trying to melt all his worries away.
The warm body wrapped him in security, slightly shaken up, but it calmed down once Soobin responded with the same warmth, his limbs wrapping around Yeonjun to hold him even closer. The older then admitted his exhaustion, his tiredness, but he also admitted how taking care of Soobin was the purest form of satisfaction that repelled all of his fatigue. How he waited days after days, just so Soobin would say another one of his mindless wishes, how with taking care of Soobin, he was taking care of himself too.
It wasn’t hard for Soobin to believe these words at that time, after all Yeonjun was always honest with him. He loved the way they were teasing and riling up each other, he loved how they annoyed each other until one of them would lose control. He loved kissing and cuddling Yeonjun, their long, almost endless makeout sessions during their breaks. He loved when they had sex, when Yeonjun would take control, no matter if he was topping or bottoming. Soobin knew how much Yeonjun enjoyed being the one in charge, his satisfaction when Soobin allowed himself to be dragged around, when he followed his hyung’s lead without question, when Soobin was good for him without even needing to be told.
Their rough moments, their soft ones, the way they cared about each other. Every single thing about his relationship with Yeonjun was like an intense explosion of emotions, coating his insides with bubbly soda. Every bursted bubble brought a new wave of feelings, stronger than the previous one, making Soobin’s love more intense, unable to settle. Soobin loved everything about his Yeonjun.
But what Soobin loved the most was Yeonjun’s honesty, which pushed them to start learning to communicate their feelings properly. It was hard at first, with Soobin’s timid personality and the way he kept things to himself, not wanting to burden others. And with Yeonjun, who appeared bold and almost intimidatingly confident, but was also so gentle and caring, so loving and fragile, scared of hurting the people around him, yet somehow still being honest, despite his heart trembling with anxiety. Soobin fell in love with these parts of him instantly.
So how could he not believe these words, coming from the person his heart desired in every form and sense, beyond even his own imagination? Soobin decided to put his trust on them, and on Yeonjun himself. And his hyung never backed away from these words, instead proving time and time again how deeply rooted his honesty was. How he meant everything he had said.
Which was exactly why, even years later, nothing had changed. Yeonjun was there, in the space of the hotel room, specially reserved for Soobin alone after their first concert in Taipei. Wearing a stupid black tank top, that made his arms and upper body muscles visible, paired with loose shorts, showing his long and slender legs, that always managed to drive Soobin crazy, and the hotel’s slippers. He had probably run all the way from the end of the hall, where his room was, to Soobin’s, rushing so he could go unnoticed by anyone.
Using a key card he had taken in a way, Soobin didn’t even want to question.
Only ten minutes had passed since he had shared with his fans how he’d wanted a machine that showered him in his stead to be invented. Jokingly pleading with his fans to build one, while seriously contemplating whether to shower or just clean his face and go to bed and wake up early the next morning to shower.
It was exhausting.
He enjoyed having concerts more than anything. Meeting with their fans, seeing them excitedly waving their lightsticks, singing with them, while he shared these unforgettable moments with his bandmates were some of the most beautiful moments in Soobin’s life. He was grateful for every second of them. But his happiness couldn’t escape his fatigue.
Their choreographies were hard, singing live while dancing was hard, preparations for different things, constant flights, switching countries and timezones, it was draining physically and mentally. And all paired with his duties as a leader, which put additional mental load on him, Soobin sometimes felt like a ball, filled with stress, just waiting for the moment to overload completely and explode.
He was tired, they all were. And he was sure all of them desperately wanted for their work to finish up, so they could jump in their beds and have some time to rest, even if that was just a few hours. And Soobin was sure Yeonjun wanted that too, he was sure his hyung was exhausted too.
Honestly, usually Soobin always put some thought before writing these wishes.
‘Would Yeonjun hyung show up today?’
‘Would he see these?’
He asked himself that, knowing the answer would always be positive.
But this time, he didn’t think of anything. Or rather, his exhausted brain couldn't think of anything before hitting ‘send’, so Yeonjun’s rushed appearance, as normal as it was, was also completely surprising. Soobin genuinely thought Yeonjun was too exhausted to move his limbs after working so hard and was expecting his hyung to be either asleep, having no energy to even feed himself properly, or waiting for his dinner while doing some more work. He was expecting everything, except Yeonjun being in his room.
“I clearly asked MOA for a machine.” Soobin said teasingly as he sat on the edge of the bed his arms crossed in front of his chest. However, there was a tired, yet bright smile sitting on his face, and making Yeonjun move forward, until he was in front of him. “Are you my personal robot? Should I even ask how did you get the card key?”
“Jisoo hyung is really the best you know?” He replied with a bright, victorious smile, making his eyes shrink into half-moons. “One ‘hyung, Soobinie lost his card key’, got him on the act immediately.”
Soobin rolled his eyes in pretended annoyance, but didn’t do anything further, waiting for Yeonjun to move first, head lifted slightly, enough to hold the eye contact.
The older extended his hand, gorgeous fingers grasping firmly his chin and lifting it up a bit more, so he could inspect it carefully. First slightly turning his face to the left side, eyes trained at the skin with caution, turning it to right doing the same, humming to himself in the process. At the end he centered his head again, leaning down further to place a small, quick peck on his forehead.
“Makeup is all removed?” Yeonjun asked quietly against Soobin’s skin, the warm breath hitting it like static electricity, sending melting shivers down his spine.
Soobin offered him a light nod, at which Yeonjun’s lips curved in kind of a solemn, regretful smile, before he connected their lips for a kiss. The younger one parted his mouth eagerly, almost too expectantly, craving the attention his lips were receiving. Hands wrapped behind Yeonjun’s neck as his hyung took the invite, sliding his tongue over the soft plush, before locking Soobin’s upper lip between his plum ones, tenderly sucking on it. A broken moan ripped through the kiss, as Soobin took it as an opportunity to slowly pull him down.
Soobin responded to Yeonjun’s softness, sucking on his lower lip, teeth grazing at the pink flesh, making the older one laugh in between at the tease. The hand on his chin moved slightly to cup his cheek, holding him still, with the thumb caressing the soft flesh, dipping into the dimple that showed from time to time with the movement of his face muscles. Yeonjun sighed into the kiss, dreamy, almost intoxicated, as the younger completely pulled him down, until his back was flat on the mattress, sinking into the soft cushion of the duvet with Yeonjun on top of him.
Soft giggles filled the space between them as Yeonjun eased his body weight almost fully on top of Soobin, his free hand slipping under the shirt, exploring the soft skin. Soobin gasped as his warm skin clashed with the cold fingertips, the sense of the pads teasingly climbing up his chest, feeling his skin tingling, heating up, the touches leaving a ticklish linger as they rode up. The heat bubbled up, erupting like a volcano, sending waves of lava through Soobin’s veins. Yeonjun’s fingers reached the neckline, the now warm hand climbed further to the base of his neck, until the fingers spread, grasping gently his other cheek.
The shirt rode up with the movement, exposing Soobin’s lean stomach, which has lost the muscle definition with his active refusals of going to the gym. The sudden exposure made him tremble, but he was too intoxicated by the kiss to take a proper notice of it, too obsessed with Yeonjun’s lower lip, nibbling and sucking on the flesh until the pink turned deep red, to think about anything else.
They couldn’t break apart for a second with the slow, deliberate mood Yeonjun had set, not rushing, not demanding, just letting it flow out naturally, purely making Soobin lose himself little by little. It was affection in the form of a physical touch, warmth, shared between two heated bodies and exploding, making the air itself unbelievably hot.
Yeonjun’s plum lips were soft, almost silken, the strong taste of strawberry lip balm, still coating them as Soobin kept on trying to take it away, to drink it with every swallow. They fit completely against Soobin’s like two puzzle pieces that perfectly completed each other.
It was headspinning. It was like losing a sense of self and giving it away to Yeonjun to drink it down, to devour it, making Soobin’s feelings elevate, making him feel with every fiber of his body the gentle love shared between them. He loved when his hyung made him feel loved in every single way.
It made a heat pool inside his stomach, raising his body temperature, making him grow more impatient, and as if sensing that, the older pulled away suddenly. His eyes, glossed with affection and need blinked slowly, making the long gorgeous eyelashes flutter, as his thumbs caressed softly the sides of Soobin’s face. He felt his heart flutter in a perfect sync with Yeonjun’s lashes at the sight.
His hyung was gorgeous, so unfairly gorgeous as if crafted with a fairy dust particle by particle until he was made into perfection. Everything about him was so beautiful, so easy to love, so gentle, to the point even the boldness and confidence he loved expressing made Soobin’s heart melt with unrestrained affection. Everything about Yeonjun was perfect, from head and toe, to the deepest part of his existence.
He wanted more and more, clouded by his own desires, desperate for the touch of his hyung, who looked at him with so much adoration and care, making him melt like an ice cube in the heat of the summer. His hips bucked up involuntarily, without his head registering the movement. It was induced by the heat burning in his stomach, which spread further as Yeonjun pushed down on his stomach with a firm hand, making him moan almost painfully.
Yeonjun was as gentle as he was cruel, running the back of his free hand up and down his cheek, cooing at him sweetly, head-spinning.
“We’re not doing that now. Don’t get all worked up.” Yeonjun whispered sweetly against the reddish skin of his cheeks, leaning down to place small pecks at the corners of Soobin’s lips.
He always made sure to pay them proper attention, always mentioning how cute they looked, upturned, making his expressions more animated and pretty. Making him lose control every time he smiled widely, making him crave to just adorn them with kisses over and over again. It was the small things that Yeonjun noticed that made Soobin completely smitten - the corners of his lips, the moles on his face, the way his pinkies stayed lifted up when he was holding something, how his eyebrows knitted when he was confused, how his upper lip was protruding, making the older obsessed with kissing it.
Yeonjun always made sure to mention these things privately in the comfort of their soft moments, when they weren’t teasing each other, loved seeing Soobin’s face heat up to his ears at the endless comments and compliments. It was a bit funny, how Yeonjun was the type to give and give, but when it came to receiving, he ended up becoming a mess of his own, flustered, stuttering, almost speechless, driven to continue the compliment battle until both their faces were flushed deep red, making them giggle at their own stupidness.
So Soobin loved that.
And it seemed as Yeonjun couldn’t get enough, as his tongue carefully licked the upturned corner on the left side of his mouth, giving it a final wet kiss, before moving to the right one and repeating the same.
A whine of displeasure tore off his throat with the loss of Yeonjun’s touch. Soobin’s closed eyes pried open, half lidded, glistening with tears. He noticed the tiny string of saliva, snapping against his chin as Yeonjun pulled away completely. His mellow gaze was trained on Soobin’s, soaked with deep affection, his chest heavening with every breath. The hot air hit directly the younger’s skin, making blissful shivers shake his entire body deliciously.
It was then when he finally realized that Yeonjun’s hand was under his shirt, the older one wasting no time, pulling it up and slipping it away from Soobin’s body, leaving his upper body naked. It was too sudden and too fast, making the younger unable to take any action, a sharp breath catching in his throat as Yeonjun moved down his neck and chest, leaving one ticklish peck after another.
“You have no idea…” Yeonjun whispered between the kisses, the warm breath burning Soobin’s flesh until every marked place was covered with itchy blisters. “Just how much I love you and your body, Binnie.”
“Even if I don’t work out?” Soobin blurted in between hasty breaths, wanting to be playful, eager to hear Yeonjun complement him more and more. His hyung only lifted his head and smiled gently, before taking a small bite of the flesh, near his sternum, sucking until a purplish mark formed. “Hyung!” The younger gasped surprised, trying to move away, yet stopped by Yeonjun’s firm hand. “This is not our only concert, you know? Plus there is so much more stuff on our schedule, I can’t go around with a mark on such a visible place.”
“So, what part of this here is visible?” Yeonjun asked teasingly, leaving a kiss on the mark he had made. “You tell me my cute piggy, who hates working out to death, goes around, showing his chest and nipples in front of people?”
“What do you mean ‘piggy’ when...” Soobin’s words were cut as Yeonjun pressed a kiss on the skin under his ribcage. He sucked in his stomach involuntarily, let out a shaky gasp, trying to stop the twitching of his body every time Yeonjun traced it with his lips or fingers.
He wasn’t usually that sensitive, he wasn’t even ticklish, which always disappointed their members when they tried to tickle and mess with him. But there was something about Yeonjun, about the way he kissed and touched, the way he worshiped every part of Soobin’s whole, that made his whole body boil, burn, every nerve in his system focused at every single action. Every little touch and shift, every peck and kiss, every hug, everything Yeonjun did was recorded by his nerves, sent like static electricity to his brain, making him all fuzzy, unable to control himself.
Even in this situation, when they were just messing around, almost joking, he couldn’t find the power to stay calm, his body completely betraying him.
“And stop doing this, I still haven’t showered. ‘M all sweaty.”
“So?” Yeonjun asked with genuine curiosity, sinking lower and lower on Soobin’s body, leaving wet trails of kisses over his skin, that trembled when met with the air around them. He looked satisfied with Soobin’s reactions, hands moving down to hold his waist as we mouthed his lips over his abdomen, close to the waistband of his underwear. “You clearly seem excited.”
Yeonjun’s hand slid down teasingly dragging a nail over the visible bulge, the wrinkling of the fabric, making the younger gasp at the touch. It was stained, beads of precum leaking out through it, making the older smirk as he lifted his gaze, locking it with Soobin’s almost desperate one.
“What?” He asked sweetly, his hand gripping the erect length over the boxers and stroking it up and down, focused on the way Soobin had his upper body lifted on his elbows, dazed expression coating his face. It was unfair, so unfair how gorgeous he looked, while making Soobin a complete worked up mess. “I barely even touched you and you’re already leaking this much? Soobinie, don’t tell me you’re going to cum in your underwear?”
“I won’t…” Soobin protested with a whine, when Yeonjun pressed down with his palm, a sudden, intense mixture of pain and pleasure clouding his mind. “.. If you stop.. touching like that.”
“Do you want them off?” Yeonjun asked suddenly, his challenging gaze trained on the younger with mischievous glint.
Did Soobin want to?
Was that a joke?
Yeonjun seemed like he was messing with him completely, shifting from pressing to gently brushing over his aching length. The friction of his hand over the soft fabric of his underwear, the teasing slides, the whimpers he was trying to suppress, wanting to be a bit more bratty, to resist as much as he could, it was all driving him insane, making him unable to think. He was firmly laid on the bed, his whole weight on the mattress, but it felt like there wasn’t under him, like he was floating.
And the way Yeonjun was looking at him, the way Yeonjun was provoking him, Soobin felt like losing his own weight under his touch. So, honestly it didn’t matter what Soobin wanted. All that mattered was what Yeonjun wanted of him.
Soobin had lost before even having a chance to fight and provoke back and the glint in Yeonjun’s eyes was enough proof for that.
“Whatever you want, hyungie.” He whispered quietly, biting his lips as Yeonjun let out a victorious smirk.
He knew he stood no chance against Yeonjun, against his demeanor, against his wishes, and he didn’t want to fight it either. He wanted whatever Yeonjun wanted, his satisfaction was tied to Yeonjun’s and the older was perfectly aware of that, making sure to use it to his advantage whenever he wanted.
Yeonjun leaned his upper body between Soobin’s thighs, lower and lower until his plum lips landed on the tip on Soobin’s cock, dragging the fabric of the underwear around it in a teasing manner. One of his hands was firmly holding his hips, steading his jolts, while the other one slid down his thighs, gently caressing the skin up and down with affectionate touches. It was mean, and also so lovely, the contrast making Soobin’s vision blurry.
“J…Jjunie..” He gasped, throwing his head back, elbows trembling with strain as he tried to keep his upper body lifted, so he could see Yeonjun. His beautiful hyung, smearing his precum over the underwear with his tempting lips, looked so gorgeous while toying with him however he saw fit. His silky, honey colored hair gave off a faint scent of coconut milk from the shampoo he liked using recently.
It was too much, too overwhelming, and Yeonjun wasn’t even doing anything serious. He was just teasing, playing, open mouthed kisses being pressed at the stained underwear, making his cock leak even more, pathetically throbbing at the attention it was receiving.
“So perfect Binnie.. So wet for hyung already.” The warm, breathy words were met with a tremble, enough for Yeonjun to harden the grip on his waist, keeping him exactly how he needed. Exactly where he wanted Soobin.
His hyung had set on letting the underwear stay on, the friction of the indirect contact causing Soobin to become much more sensitive, shaking with the lightest kiss. A shattered moan rolled down his lips as Yeonjun’s tongue rode up his length, letting a trail of saliva stain the fabric even more, until it reached the tip, closing his lips around it.
Soobin’s elbows gave out under the pressure of his trembling, his upper body hitting the bed with a gasp. His hands moved to his face, hiding his expression, the deep pink color on his cheeks, however, couldn’t be hidden, reaching up to the tips of his ears. He knew Yeonjun loved seeing him flushed, the rushing blood heating up the skin on his face, his earlobes and even down to his neck. Yeonjun also loved it when he was loud, when he was so stupidly fucked out that he couldn’t control his own voice, but he couldn’t allow himself that. He couldn’t slip away.
They were in his hotel room after a concert for fuck’s sake and Soobin had forgotten which one of the managers was occupying the room next to his. But he certainly wasn’t pleased by the idea of any of them hearing the pretty noises of satisfaction his Yeonjun hyung was letting out while playing with him, mixed with his own desperate moans.
He was so close to cum, pressure building inside him like a volcano. It was embarrassing, cuming just like that from his boyfriend touching him over his clothes, yet Soobin couldn’t help himself. It was so sweet, everything was so cloying and sticky, making him just lose his mind more and more, as he chanted his hyung’s name over and over under his hands.
“You’re hiding?” Yeonjun asked suddenly, halting. He lifted his upper body, supporting it with his palms and Soobin lifted his head just enough to see the way his firm muscles were exposed, prominent, the sight alone making his head spin and mouth salivate.
He always loved the way Yeonjun’s body was built, perfectly sculpted from head to toe. The way his figure looked delicate, yet firm, so impossibly stunning. Always managing to leave Soobin awestruck by how lucky he was to have Yeonjun only for himself.
And now the same Yeonjun, the same pristine human being was looking up at him, his plum strawberry like lips, sweet and tempting Soobin to take a bite, were downturned in a pout. It was so cute, so absolutely devastatingly cute, making Soobin’s heart jump rapidly, threatening to break his ribcage.
His focus was split between the ache in his underwear, throbbing with interest at Yeonjun’s expression and the expression itself, so ridiculously pretty that it always left Soobin stupid. Unable to think, unable to do or say anything, just staring blankly at it, his brain painting one picture after another, so it could be engraved in his mind forever..
“Why are you hiding, Bin?” The older pressed further and with his sulky tone came and the press over his crotch, similar delicious pain as the one from earlier, but far more intense. “I want to hear you.”
Soobin gasped suddenly as his head hit the bedsheets again, his eyes blurry with tears and hand covering his mouth. Yeonjun however didn’t seem to like that, eyebrows furrowed in displeasure. His hand moved fast, sliding under the fabric, fingers closing over the base of his dick, applying slight pressure in the grip.
The younger choked out a moan, hands moving away from his face instantly to grip the bedsheets tightly, his pink knuckles losing color. It was hard, the pressure Yeonjun was applying was too much, too painful, yet so sweet, making his body float on top of the bed as if it wasn’t his. There was static electricity buzzing in his ears with every quick throb of his heart and Soobin couldn’t hear anything around him.
His vision was blurry, barely able to recognize anything, hot tears streaming down his cheeks. It was something only Yeonjun was able to bring out of him, something only Yeonjun could make of him. It hurt, but it was so delightful, so addictive, hitting him like a wave of heat and coldness at once.
“That’s it..” Yeonjun sighed in delight, the pout in his lips vanishing, replaced by a smile. The grip also loosened, replaced by lazy strokes, which affected Soobin far more than they were supposed to. “You’re such a good boy for me Binnie. Should I let you cum?”
“Please…” Soobin whispered between gasps, his thighs trembling uncontrollably, threatening to give out. “Jjunie hyung, please.”
It was almost way too desperate.
Yet, Yeonjun seemed more than satisfied, lowering his body again, lips mouthing at the tip over his underwear, while his hand worked over his length. Soobin was reduced to a mess of broken moans and heavy pants, almost concerningly loud, completely forgetting where he was. Not giving a care about how his room was sandwiched between Taehyun’s and his manager’s, not caring whether the walls were able to drink in his whimpers, without spilling them to his neighbors.
His mind was completely empty like a black canvas, eyes screwed shut so hard that he was able to see colorful spots, flashing in front of him. Yeonjun seemed to notice he was close, deciding that he deserved mercy after all that edging and playing with him, his strokes fastening, accompanied by the unbearable friction his lips were creating, dragging the wet underwear over his tip.
“Hyung…” He gasped, trying to find his voice. “ … going to…”
“That’s right. Cum for me, baby.”
Soobin felt his pelvic muscles tense up at the affirmation, his body convulsing as the cum spilled all over his underwear, staining both the fabric and Yeonjun’s fingers. The older pulled his hand out with a satisfied hum, allowing Soobin to finally slump his legs on the mattress, still slightly trembling.
His hair was messy, cold sweat running down his forehead and his back, mixed with the heat of his face. Inside his boxers it felt so sticky and uncomfortable, but he couldn’t pay it any mind, his ears drilled by a constant buzzing sound. He peeled his eyes open, vision blurry at first, unable to see the world around him, and as it cleared up he looked at Yeonjun, tear stained and irritated irises focusing on the way his hyung had his fingers close to his lips cherry red tongue peeking out to lick what was left on them.
Soobin’s face flamed almost crimson red at the scene, eyes widened, his gaze trained at the way his hyung’s tongue was licking up his pinky from the base all the way up to the nail, closing his lips around it. It was unfairly headspinning, making his blood boil and rush inside his veins, unable to look away.
And Yeonjun knew Soobin was looking, his gaze was directed at Soobin without even blinking, half-lidded, sensual, teasing. Definitely on purpose.
Unfair, so fucking unfair.
“What… What are you even doing?”
“Clean up.” The older replied calmly, moving quickly to sit on Soobin’s left, his fingers brought in front of the younger’s mouth. “Or you want to do it in my stead?”
Was Soobin going to disagree when the most gorgeous person in the Universe held cum stained fingers against his lips?
Well, absolutely not.
His tongue rolled out between his lips, pink and expectant, making Yeonjun lips curve in a smirk, as he shoved his fingers inside Soobin’s mouth. The younger closed his lips around them immediately, licking his own cum out of them, the taste draining down his throat with every swallow. His hyung seemed satisfied, endearingly brushing Soobin’s messy, sweat coated hair, whispering sweet praises, that made something inside Soobin’s chest tingle, a happy moan causing his throat to tremble.
Yeonjun soon pulled out his fingers, chuckling as he was met with Soobin’s protests and whines at the loss, and quickly bent down to replace them with his lips. Although the strawberry taste had long faded, replaced with the taste of his own cum, the kiss was so messily delicious that Soobin felt like he could still taste it at the top of his tongue. It was Yeonjun’s way of praising him, sugary like cotton candy, yet so firm, taking his breath away, making every single nerve of his body focus on the feeling of Yeonjun’s lips on his, on their tongues, on the sounds they made.
The trail of saliva running down his chin made him tremble as if hit by eclectic shock, but it was so addicting to the point it was unbearable. To the point Soobin just knew he would feel the tingle and crave Yeonjun’s lips on his until the day his breath were to halt. It was like taking candy from an endless jar, no matter how much Soobin would take, it never ran out, making him greedily just take more and more until he was so obsessed, so addicted that it felt like a second nature to shove his hand inside the jar, to crave the taste on his tongue.
And Yeonjun’s lips were sweeter than a candy, more addictive than a drug, Soobin losing himself completely, drowning in his own obsession.
“Hyung…” Soobin managed to gasp out in between, “Your… You..”
Yeonjun pulled away just barely until the space between them was enough for the air to pass by, cut it again, gently placing his plush against the corners of Soobin’s lips.
“Don’t think about anything, babydoll. It’s you time now.” He then placed a kiss on the other corner, shushing every protest, sitting atop Soobin's tongue. The nickname made him melt like cotton candy under harsh sunrays and the younger felt his mind drifting away at the affection he was receiving. “You did so well, Binnie, baby. You’re so perfect for me, right?”
Soobin nodded absent-mindedly, allowing Yeonjun’s hair to tickle the skin on his face as the older was adoring him with kisses. He was sweaty, sticky all over, yet Yeonjun was giving him such clouding care, that his head was forced away from focusing on these things, getting clouded with only Yeonjun instead.
“How are you feeling, babydoll?” The older asked after, pressing lips against his forehead. Soobin blinked a few times, trying to collect his thoughts.
“Sticky. And sweaty too..”
And it was like a snap with a finger, like something shifting. It was like Yeonjun was waiting for that moment exactly, like he was waiting just for these words.
“Oh!” Yeonjun exclaimed loudly with excitement, pulling away from Soobin. The younger’s eyebrows knitted in confusion. “How sweet of you to mention it first. Let’s get you all washed up and clean, baby.”
“Just like that?” Soobin asked in disbelief, watching as his hyung sprung on his feet, almost running to the bathroom. He turned around, raising his eyebrows with a smirk on his face, clearly knowing he was, yet again, holding the upper hand. “Wait. Was that your plan all along? Hyung, really? Coming here like this, making me all worked up and cum in my underwear, just so you can… wash me?”
“Are these complaints I’m hearing, Binnie?”
“No, I… I didn’t say that…But.” The quiet mutter made Yeonjun let out an approving sound as he quickly slipped into the bathroom, the sound of running water reaching Soobin’s ears.
So that was his plan all along. Soobin let out a defeated sigh, allowing his body to sink in the bedsheets, the realization and exhaustion clashing, causing his body to become like jelly. Yeonjun was just… always determined to get what he wanted, right? No matter what..
Honestly speaking, Soobin suspected Yeonjun’s intentions, the second the older had appeared in his room, after shamelessly lying to their manager. They have been going through this conversation over and over again for years now, yet the thoughts had completely slipped out of his brain the second Yeonjun started teasing him. He genuinely thought Yeonjun just wanted to let some steam off, to rewire his brain for their concert the following day, to spend time with him.
His hyung has been working tirelessly, both on his solo and their group activities, the end of the year award shows, their continuing tour, the preparations for their new album, he was always working and overworking. To the point even if used to it, even if buried in his own work, Soobin couldn’t help but worry.
Because even after all that, he always managed to find time for Soobin, for their relationship. And, of course, Soobin was also doing that as well, but he felt like Yeonjun was exhausting himself, that these acts of service were tiring for him, even if he seemed to enjoy them.
After all, it was additional work after finishing a long workday, right?
He wasn’t resting soundly in his bed, or in Soobin’s bed, he was doing all these overwhelming acts of service. Making sure Soobin was okay, making sure Soobin got everything he needed, putting Soobin first before himself.
After all, Yeonjun didn’t even try to get off, dedicating all his attention to him, making Soobin feel taken care of, not even caring about himself. The younger one was able to see it clearly.
And it was leaving a kind of a sour, lemon peel taste in his mouth.
The older returned just a couple of minutes later, his light hair, slightly messy, and wet on the edges with a stupidly gorgeous smile on his face. He moved closer to Soobin, placing a small peck on his lips, before pulling him up, slowly leading him to the bathroom. The younger, of course followed with no hesitation, without saying anything further, his head still filled with countless worries.
It was steamy inside, the mist of the hot water, meeting the tiles and evaporating in the air. The large bathtub was filled almost to the brim emitting a faint, alluringly sweet scent of strawberries. They were his hyung’s favourites recently.
Soobin’s concerns were still there, as repetitive as they were, but when Yeonjun told him to undress completely and held his hand tightly as he got in the tub, he felt like some of them dissolved in the strawberry scented water, together with some of his fatigue.
Yeonjun smiled ever so brightly as he kneeled down, checking the temperature of the water and playfully splashing Soobin’s chest with it, and the younger’s gaze melted softly, head occupied with Yeonjun and Yeonjun alone.
What was going on in his head? What was he thinking?
Was he maybe thinking of helping Soobin shower as quick as possible and head to bed? That didn’t sound quite like his hyung.
Was he so tired to the point he couldn’t even think of anything, doing everything on autopilot? That also didn’t sound like his hyung.
Didn’t match his attentiveness either.
Maybe he was approaching this like some kind of a boyfriend obligation, like something that he was supposed to do.
It didn’t mean that it wasn’t done out of affection and love. It simply meant that in his head he was supposed to give more and more of himself and his free time only to satisfy Soobin, as if their relationship relied solely on these acts. As if once they disappeared, Soobin wouldn’t love him the same.
He didn’t know if that was true, though. Yeonjun’s mind was genuinely pretty easy to read as his face wasn’t the best at containing his emotions. But if he wanted to hide something, if there was something he only wanted to keep for himself, even after all these years of being together, Soobin was unable to take a guess of it. Not until the older man came to himself, baring his heart.
But Yeonjun didn’t seem to do that when it came to his acts of service, which only left Soobin thinking, in the steamy heat of the bathtub, his own thoughts becoming mushier with every second passing and the fatigue slowly leaving his body, allowing him to somewhat relax physically.
Yeonjun stood there for a couple of minutes, gently splashing his chest and shoulders with the hot water, before leaning in to place a small peck on his lips. It seemed like his mind was devoid of thoughts during that period, just repeatedly playing with the water, the soft smile, making it unable for the younger to read the meaning behind his expression.
He got up just to quickly grab the shower head attached to the wall, and sat on the edge of the bathtub behind Soobin. His hands gently cradled the younger’s head, making it lean backwards over the headrest, his tired neck, meeting the comfortable curve of the cushion. Soobin sank his body lower in the water, shoulders almost fully covered to make it easier for Yeonjun, as he held his neck slightly extended over the headrest.
Everything, so it was comfortable for Yeonjun.
“You’re going to get all drenched.” The quiet mumble was eaten by the tiles, echoing in the space around them. Soobin peeled off one of his eyes, looking up at Yeonjun, who was looking down at him with an expression, causing his affection to kick him in the gut. He raised his hands involuntarily, twirling a small strand of honey hair on his wet finger, soaking the edges more.
Yeonjun leaned down baring his teeth just to bite the tip of Soobin’s nose just for a few seconds, the surprised gasp, making him chuckle as he pulled away. The sudden expressions of fondness always managed to leave Soobin surprised, speechless even, unable to think rationally, with his stupid heart pumping blood loudly in his chest.
Loud enough enough for the tiled walls to also drink up that sound, reverberating in his own ears as a reminder how strongly Yeonjun was affecting him.
“Well, you took away my privilege to take off your makeup, so you can at least let me wash your hair, right?”
“But your clothes-”
“You can lend me some of yours later, can’t you? Clothes are the last thing you should be worried about.” Yeonjun cut him off quickly and turned on the water, testing the temperature and the pressure of the stream over his hand.
When he deemed it was good enough he slowly brought the shower head over Soobin’s hair, soaking carefully the dark brown strands. The pressure of the water was just enough to give a gentle massage of his tight scalp and a whine like moan passed through Soobin’s lips, as he closed his eyes enjoying the warmth.
Yeonjun’s free hand followed the stream shortly after, elegant fingers ruffling through the locks with care and attentiveness. His touch was even more healing than the warm water, making him feel like jelly, or like ice cream melting under the warmth of his body heat. The older was careful with his movements as if handling something fragile, something precious and easy to break. Short, well-kept nails dug into his scalp offering delicious scratches, then moving outwards to the tips of his hair to give it a gentle brush, moving the shower head along with every movement of his hand.
The bathroom was drenched with the sound of running water, making Soobin lose sense of time, completely absorbed by it, calming with its repetitiveness. It felt as if it was consuming all his thoughts away, leaving him unable to think, completely pliant, stripped of all negative emotions and sensations, keeping his body and mind on edge. It was as if he had completely melted, leaving his body an empty shell.
He knew it wasn’t supposed to be like that.
He had so many things to worry about, so many concerns to mull over, but he couldn’t help himself at the mercy of Yeonjun’s overwhelming love that always managed to leave him mindless, at the highest point of the bliss, piling up in his chest. It was impossible to refuse something this warm, something this precious, something that was meant only for him.
Soobin felt himself sighing in complete pleasure, as Yeonjun hands worked up the shampoo on his hair, distributing it evenly over his scalp, then moving outwards to coat the dark locks up until their ends. The light massage, combined with the faint sweet fruity scent of the shampoo entered his system, making his body tremble a little, throwing away sense, just enough to make him sink, but not completely, keeping his head above the water.
It felt unreal, so floaty, like a dream Soobin didn’t want to wake up from. He didn’t know when was the last time he felt so safe and perfectly fine to slip into this mindless space in the presence of someone.
Work was too much, stress was piling up too fast, he couldn’t even ‘burn out’ properly, because he didn’t have time to think. And it was the same for Yeonjun too. No matter how used they were to the quick paced lives they had, their bodies and hearts didn’t contain limitless stamina.
So being there, in the bathtub, feeling with every fiber of his body Yeonjun’s gentleness as he thoroughly covered the entirety of his hair with white foam, was akin to heaven. His quiet hums resonated in the space, accompanied the melody of the water, Soobin sinking in the sound. Yeonjun’s voice was always so beautiful, so soft and gentle, its tone echoing in Soobin’s head, pulsating in his soul like a second heart. It was impossible not to love it, especially when it whispered so tenderly against his ear, with intimacy reserved only to the younger.
“Why don’t you come in?” Soobin mumbled quietly as Yeonjun coated his hair with shampoo for the second time, brushing his hair with fingers. He tried to sound normal, yet his voice came out more of whine, than a question, too gone to control his own tone.
He heard the way Yeonjun let out a huff as he smiled, his fingers slowly moving from the area close to his forehead to behind his ears, scratching gently as if he was taking care of a pet.
A pet, hm?
The idea wasn’t that bad if it meant Yeonjun always tended to him like that.
“I took a shower already.” Yeonjun’s reply came after a while, as if he was mulling over his words. But Soobin knew that the real reason was simply because he was too distracted with his task to even think of an answer. “And I can’t do all this if I were to get in.”
“You don’t have to do it.” Soobin continued, without putting much thought into his words, his head emptying more and more with every brush of Yeonjun’s fingers against his head. The water was turned on again, washing the foam, but Soobin didn’t stop, his voice a bit louder. “We can just relax together.”
“I want to do it.”
It was a simple response, firm, sure, and just enough to mess with Soobin’s head. Every syllable sank in his brain like a rock thrown in the water, making his eyes widen in surprise. He was unsure what exactly surprised him in Yeonjun’s answer, it was the same old he always received. Nothing in his behavior or demeanor had changed, but it seemed to hit Soobin completely differently from the way it had always done.
He could feel Yeonjun’s sincerity as thick as the fog of steam that had formed around them, since he loved showering with hot water. As loud as the sound of the water spraying from the shower head, while Yeonjun worked on cleaning off his hair from the shampoo residue.
Maybe it was his exhaustion that was making him aware of all these things, not allowing him to relax. Maybe he had always thought of them deep down in his heart but did nothing to confront them, relying on the time to clear up his doubts.
It was a weird feeling, his mind was afloat and hazy, taken care of by Yeonjun but at the same time it couldn’t relax properly, making him tremble slightly. As if he was walking on a thin rope between losing himself and spiraling into overthinking madness, even with his mind unable to think rationally. Something was holding him back from slipping away completely, from freeing himself.
Soobin didn’t want Yeonjun to worry further, he wanted to make this peaceful time for both of them. But he couldn’t hold himself back, his bravery overtaking the sense of bliss that was threatening to take him away completely. He couldn’t allow himself to fall deeper until his questions were answered.
“Why?” Soobin asked quietly once the water was turned off again and Yeonjun was up on his feet to grab the towel, sitting on one of the shelves of the cabinet, attached to the wall.
The older returned shortly after, carefully wrapping the towel over his head, securing it so it doesn’t fall off. The few seconds in which he was doing that in complete silence felt like eternity, keeping Soobin on the edge. He was coming to his senses more and more as the effects of Yeonjun’s massage on his scalp was wearing off, the sound of the droplets of the shower head falling on the tiled floor, making him highly aware of his surroundings. Even slightly irritated.
Yeonjun's hand slowly slid down his cheeks, the fingers pressing under his jawline, as he extended Soobin’s neck further, giving him a series of kisses. It was first across his forehead, then moved down his nose, the right cheek, then the left one. Little pecks one after another, short, fond, loving, making Soobin feel completely vulnerable under his touch.
Then, Yeonjun moved to Soobin’s lips. It wasn’t one kiss as he had expected, rather he received small careful touches, akin to a ladybug trying to settle on his lips, fleeting, yet tingly. The touches set his pink flesh on fire, buzzing with electricity that went right to his brain, causing his heart to beat in the rhythm of the buzzing, traveling though his nervous system. The small kisses felt as good as a real one, gentle, secure, tingly, soaked with love and affection they could share freely between these walls. A secret, well kept from the rest of the entire world. A song, only the two of them knew the dance to.
Soobin’s brain was a mess of worries, exhaustion and questions, all mixed with the need of Yeonjun’s touch and the fog that was still lingering, making him feel light headed. He wanted answers, but he also didn’t want to think of anything. He wanted Yeonjun, yet his body was disobeying, sitting completely still as if pinned down to the bottom of the bathtub.
The older finally kissed his chin, before pulling away slowly, a lazy smile, sitting on his lips so gently, so gorgeously that Soobin felt himself almost crying at the sheer beauty of his boyfriend. His eyes carefully followed him as he moved to the side, crouching in front of the bathtub, his palm scooping a bit of the water, pouring it over Soobin’s cold shoulder.
“What do you mean by that?” He asked finally, the tone of his voice making Soobin snap out of his trance. It seemed as if Yeonjun knew perfectly well what the conversation was going to be about, yet instead of showing any annoyance by the constant resurfacing of the topic, he embraced it calmly. As if it was his duty to do so.
Soobin was kind of grateful for that.
“You’re tired.” The younger said finally after begging his brain to cooperate on deciding the correct words. “We just finished a concert and are about to have another one tomorrow, and after that there won’t be time to rest with everything else waiting for us. Yet you’re always…” Soobin was blabbering quickly, afraid of getting cut off, while wanting to get everything out and finally find some peace in his head. His eyes were glossy with threatening tears, unable to be hidden by his bangs with his hair, warped in the towel. Hands reached out of the water and grabbed Yeonjun’s, who was listening carefully, an unreadable expression painted on his face. “You’re always like this.”
“Soobin.”
“Please, wait.” Soobin cut him off, almost immediately. He could see Yeonjun’s face losing color, making him almost instantly regret his stubbornness, but he needed to speak. He needed to share his concerns, otherwise he was sure to welcome countless sleepless nights, trying to fight the annoying, always meddling voices in his head. “You run whenever I want something, even if I don’t ask you to, you always seem to see what I say to my fans and fulfill my wishes, you do every little thing for me, and I’m grateful. I truly am, hyung, and I love it. The way you care for me, the way you love me, the way you tease me, I love it all. I just feel… I feel like I never do enough for you. Aren’t you exhausted? Aren’t you tired? You always care about me, but what about you?”
“I’m sorry.” The apology came almost immediately, forcing Soobin to raise his lowered head, looking at Yeonjun with a surprised expression. His hand squeezed his hyung’s tightly, slight panic clutching his heart.
Why was Yeonjun…
“No, hyung, wait…”
“I’m not apologizing for taking care of you.” Yeonjun was quick to explain, sensing Soobin’s worry. He quickly freed his hand off Soobin’s hold, grabbing the loofah that was floating above the water and coated it with the strawberry shower gel laying at his feet. “We’ve talked about this a lot of times, right? Still, my words just won’t sink in your head. I’m sorry for not being convincing enough to make you feel secure.”
“I’m sorry.” Soobin apologized on his end, looking at his arm where Yeonjun was gently rubbing the loofah up and down, coating his skin with soap foam.
“I know. Really. You don’t have to apologize, baby.” Yeonjun’s words were sweet, reassuring and certain, enough to make Soobin’s heart skip a beat, just by its sincerity alone.
Out of the two of them, Soobin was more self-assured. He had to teach himself to be one. It was his duty as a leader, to walk along his members with confidence, to bring them a sense of security, to make himself known as someone reliable, someone that was able to lead them properly, to be able to protect his team..
Yeonjun was naturally more shy than he appeared, more soft and gentle, bending like a thin branch under the weight of a pile of snow. He had countless worries, carried countless uncertainties, his heart was as warm as the strawberry flavored hot chocolate they shared after their Christmas performance less than two months ago. It was lovely how gorgeous and precious his heart was.
So seeing Yeonjun like, confident and certain in his words, assuring Soobin that everything was just in his head, made him feel something unexplainably warm rising up from the pits of his stomach, kicking it eagerly in euphoria. Hearing Yeonjun’s words and convictions was sweeter than the scent of the shower gel floating in the air.
“I’ve always loved seeing you lead.” The older continued, raising the loofah up his forearm in tender strokes, his eyes focused on the task, rather than at Soobin’s face. “The way you hold your ground, the way you step up, the way you keep your head high and alert of everything surrounding us. The way you lend your ear and offer your shoulder when we need comfort. The way you put everyone else first before yourself. Your hard work and sacrifices. Everything is so lovely, it’s so warm and endearing. It's so you, Soobinie.”
Yeonjun’s hand slowly worked the loofah over Soobin’s upper arm and shoulder, moving down his back. The younger shivered at the sudden contact of his skin with the prickly object, but still peeled his back off the walls of the bathtub, allowing Yeonjun to work while speaking. It seemed that with every swipe of the foam across his body, with his senses filled with strawberry, every doubt was clearing up, accompanied by Yeonjun’s lovely voice.
“But, I also love it when you allow me to do these things. When you allow me to take care of you in every way I can, when you give yourself to me entirely. I don’t feel like just a bandmate, or simply a boyfriend.”. A little press of the fabric on his skin made Soobin let out a surprised moan, his cheeks coloring bright red, when the bathroom tiles returned the sound with an echo. Yeonjun could only smile a little mischievously, as he kept talking. “It makes me feel like someone who has earned the privilege of seeing you like that - pliant and soft, melting inside out, stripped out of your leader worries and daily concerns, floaty head, filled only with delight and satisfaction. I love this vulnerable, submissive side of you, only I get to see. When I see you like that.. When I make you feel like that, my own fatigue immediately dissolves.”
Soobin listened carefully, Yeonjun’s words forcing a heat to build up in his cheeks, making them bright pink. Was it really that easy? Was Yeonjun really just satisfied with having Soobin like that? With taking care of him like that? It wasn’t like the older one was faking his sincerity. And it wasn’t like Yeonjun had ever lied to him when it came to serious conversations. It was hard for Soobin to understand. Especially knowing how much Yeonjun has done for him already, and how much he kept doing, besides all these acts of service.
And yet, it seemed as the fog in his head was clearing, taking his doubts with itself.
Before, when they talked about this all Soobin needed was to be reassured at that exact moment, to know that he wasn’t a burden in that exact time. And Yeonjun, understanding that, gave him the answer he was seeking. This time, however, the younger wanted to be absolutely certain, too tired of the repetitive thoughts and doubts that kept resurfacing every time Yeonjun wanted to do something for him. He wanted for Yeonjun’s truth to finally sink deep in his heart, pushing the worries out until they spilled out of his chest.
“Your confidence is quite deceitful.” The soft voice ripped the silence that had fallen between them, making Soobin shiver slightly. The exposed parts of his body that weren't covered by the water had started to become cold, and Yeonjun, noticing that, scrubbed them with the loofah to bring the circulation of warm blood inside them, before continuing down with his back. “You can’t even comprehend how loved and adored you are, no matter how much people around you tell you and show you that. You always give more love than what you expect to receive. Sometimes, I wonder, do you even expect to receive something back after giving so much of yourself?
“Of course, I don’t.” Soobin mumbled quietly. His knees were brought together in front of his chest, with his chin rested on them. He looked somewhat small like that, curled up in the big, empty space of the bathtub, surrounded by the water. He felt small under the weight of Yeonjun’s words. But it was also relieving. It felt good. “Wanting something in return for simply loving is quite selfish, don’t you think?”
“Well, you may think that. But I think you deserve to be a little bit selfish.” Yeonjun pressed further, as he washed the foam off Soobin’s body, and even if Soobin wanted to joke about the way he sounded and tease him to lighten up the mood a bit, the tone of his voice didn’t allow him to. He couldn’t even nod his head, uncertain in his own words and thoughts. “After all, love is effort, Soobinie.”
“Huh?”
“I remember MOA talking about that online, it’s something Beomgyu talked about in Weverse.” Soobin heard the loofah dropping in the water with a quiet splashing sound, and suddenly he found himself wrapped in Yeonjun’s embrace, the older not caring about how his clothes were going to get wet from the contact.
Soobin’s shoulders and back that were exposed to the moist air, not wrapped in the warmth of the water had started to become cold again, but almost immediately warmed up, receiving Yeonjun’s heat. It was a feeling he couldn’t describe with words. The cold had suddenly started boiling, warming up his entire existence.
“Why are we mentioning Gyu at a time like this?” The younger scoffed jokingly, but he could hear Yeonun’s breath as his lips curved in a smile, a small laugh so close to his ears that it was tingling.
“I keep coming back to his words.” Yeonjun admitted, the tone of his voice low like a whisper, the tremble hitting every single nerve in Soobin’s body pleasantly. “You’re always putting effort in showing your love to everyone around you in every way possible. So, I wanted to make sure you get as much love as you give, if not even more.”
“Hyung…”
“Because, I love you.” Yeonjun’s head fell on Soobin’s shoulder as he said these words, and Soobin stood there, the words he wanted to say getting lost in his throat.
It wasn’t the first time they had said these words to each other. They were shared between them ever since their trainee and early debut days, when they still weren’t dating, when they were just friends, too close and sincere with each other. They said them to one another in every possible situation, as a way to make the other feel truly appreciated. It wasn’t something new. And it wasn’t something that was meant to leave Soobin so speechless.
But something about this entire situation, about Yeonjun’s sincerity made the confession feel entirely different. As if it was first. As if the time had rewinded to the time when he was the one to confess his feelings first, feeling like the whole ground was about to open up and swallow him whole.
How his fingers trembled as his gaze never left the floor, how his vision was blurry with tears, baring his heart to Yeonjun, fearful of running everything, yet also afraid of keeping his heart silent. When his then still fearful heart had found the courage to selfishly hope for something in return for its love for the first time. The way Yeonjun had pulled him in a tight hug then, whispering in his ear these same words, the same ‘I love you’, but it had entirely different weight than it did before. The weight of these words, these promises and whispers in the dark of Soobin’s room between just the two of them, it all felt completely different, something intimate between their hearts.
He felt that now too. The words sank in as deeply as they did back in that day, making Soobin’s eyes fill with tears. It made Yeonjun raise his head, clearly surprised by the way his shoulders were slightly shaking, only to gasp quietly. The loofah fell in the water with a splash as the older quickly moved to the side of the tub, sitting on the edge, with the palms of his hands gently cradling Soobin’s face.
The younger couldn’t hold them anymore, droplets rolling down his heated cheeks and falling on Yeonjun’s skin. There was no sound, just the silent tremble of his shoulders and the tears, falling quietly, unable to be contained.
Yeonjun’s expression was one of gentleness, of worry, so beautiful, yet so painful. His thumbs slid gently across the skin, wiping away the droplets as he waited. Waited for Soobin to calm down. Waited for his heart to still, for the tears to dry out. And when it seemed like they couldn’t end, he wrapped his hands around Soobin’s neck ever so carefully, pulling him in a tight hug.
Similar to the one, shared when they confessed their feelings.
As if Yeonjun was strengthening his confession.
“I love you, Soobinie.” He repeated again slowly, firmly, every word making Soobin feel like a new flower of warmth bloomed in his chest. “So I really hope that you’d allow me to show you that in my way, without feeling anxious. And put effort in my love the same way you put effort in yours.”
“I’m sorry…” Soobin whispered finally, broken voice, stained by tears. “I just keep assuming and overthinking and making you unable to express how you feel… I’m sorry for keeping on doubting myself and you.”
“I don’t want to hear apologies, though?” Yeonjun replied and, although he couldn’t see his face, Soobin knew that his lips were pursed in a pout, making his own lips curve upwards.
“I love you, Jjunie hyung.”
“Now, that’s more like it.” The sweet chuckle made something in Soobin snap, a calming feeling slowly replacing the worry. Yeonjun pulled away slowly, a quick peck placed on Soobin’s tears stained cheek, as a smile adorned his pillowy lips. “Let’s wash you quickly and get you warm under the covers, right? The water is getting cold.”
“Can you please…” Soobin stopped for a second, his own hands wrapped around Yeonjun’s wrists, clinging onto them as if he was going to disappear. “Can you hug me for a little bit longer?”
“Aren’t you cold, baby?”
“I’m fine.” Soobin reassured as Yeonjun wrapped his arms around him again, brushing away the tears left in the corners of his eyes. “You’re warm.”
They stood like that for a while, Yeonjun gently sliding his palm up and down Soobin’s back, deliberate and tingly, making the younger lose himself in the touch, this time completely. His eyes shut as his body relaxed, both the physical and the mental fatigue dissolving in the water. It was soon going to drain down the canal, stripping Soobin completely of his worries, erasing his washing away his uncertainty. He was soon going to be free from the prison of his head.
Yeonjun pulled away, and this time the younger allowed him to, even if he didn’t want, a soft gaze following his every movement/ Yeonjun held his chin slightly, brushing his lower finger, as he asked with a teasing voice, “Anything else my princess would request of me?”
“Can my sweetest baby sleep here tonight? Don't go to your room?” Soobin asked with a soft, pleading voice, his big glossy eyes trained at Yeonjun with a pitiful puppy look. The older sighed, pinching his nose playfully, making Soobin scrunch it.
“Stop using ‘SSS’ lyrics against me, Binnie. You know how insane your lines make me every single time.”
“I think I need you, though.” Soobin protested with a pout, knowing how much it was going to affect Yeonjun. They were just equally obsessed with each other. “To make me feel even more secure that you’re not doing this out of obligation, you know?”
“Oh and now this is going to be used against me, won’t it?” Yeonjun replied with a chuckle, splashing some water on Soobin. “Well, lucky for you, that was the plan from the beginning, babydoll.”