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The sound of gunshots and bombs exploding echoed loudly from Eunho’s television. The blasts visibly startled Bamby from the way he almost threw the game console.
Bamby was never good at this kind of game. He had admitted not just once or twice that the sound effects—especially gunshots and explosions—shock him, so he really can’t focus on the gameplay.
Still, when his silver-haired friend had begged him to play COD together, Bamby didn’t even think twice. How could he say no to those puppy eyes? He’d never admit it directly, but heaven knows just how much he’d die to hear the younger’s laugh.
“Hyung? Are you alright?” Eunho reached out and paused the video game. He felt a little guilty for begging his hyung to play with him, knowing that Bamby could never handle loud and sudden background effects while playing.
“I’m fine, Eunho-ya. Just got startled by the sudden explosions.” Bamby let out an exasperated sigh, leaning back against the sofa. “Ah, really. It wasn’t even there before. Bombs literally just started flying out of nowhere. Who wouldn’t get startled?”
“I told you we can just turn the volume down. I really don’t mind.” Eunho stood up from the sofa, causing the weight to shift slightly. He grabbed a glass of water and offered it to the pink-haired man.
“That’s no fun, though.” Bamby grabbed the glass, sipping a bit before he continued as he set the glass down on the small table in front of them. “Besides, if you can’t even hear it properly, how would we know about sudden attacks?”
“Hyung, you know I’m not worried about that.” Bamby’s eyes met Eunho’s, guilt and worry evident in his expression—one Bamby was all too familiar with.
Here he goes again.
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Their friendship spans back from a very long time ago, back when the two of them were just a bunch of clueless little kids. They met at school, and although Bamby was a year older, he and Eunho turned out to be on the same grade level.
From another person’s point of view, it would seem like they were total contrasts—Eunho is an extrovert, while Bamby was an introvert—but that didn’t stop them from becoming best friends.
It was like they were each other’s missing puzzle piece, as if they were always fated to meet and complete the other’s life. They often joke at how they’re polar opposites but can read each other like a book without even breaking a sweat.
Bamby still remembers everything from back then—how Eunho would always call his name softly—as if Bamby would fade away somehow if he gets too loud. He remembers how Eunho always walks slowly, so Bamby holds his hand and leads the way, so they can easily get to where they have to go. He remembers how Eunho always ties his shoelaces, even before he’d known they were untied. Most importantly, he remembers how Eunho would groggily answer his calls and comfort him when he’s breaking down at 3am.
There was also a time when Eunho fell madly in love with one of the popular girls. Back then, Eunho had tried his absolute best to hide it from everyone, but Bamby knew from the start—without Eunho actually telling him.
How could he not know? Eunho’s eyes convey much more emotion than his words could ever give. His eyes could show every dream that he dreams at night without Bamby even asking. Maybe it’s partly because they’ve known each other for way too long, but he can’t deny that Eunho’s eyes have its own unique charm that speaks for itself.
Their friendship is something that most people would envy and die for. Honestly, Bamby is really thankful to have met Eunho. The silver-haired man brought color to his life, and he wished that everything would stay as it is—but it seems like fate had other plans.
He didn’t know when it started—no, he doesn’t even remember when he started seeing the silver-haired male as something more than a friend. Bamby tried to brush it off, really. He tried reminding himself that what he’s feeling isn’t right. That if he succumbed to these feelings, their friendship would surely be done for.
So what did he do? He lied. To himself. To Eunho and everyone else. Bamby thought that maybe, if he just ignored his feelings, it would fade away somehow someday. Boy, was he so wrong.
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Bamby averted his gaze first, causing Eunho’s worry to become more evident. Before Bamby could speak, he felt warm hands wrap around his. His gaze promptly found its way back to Eunho’s red eyes—the same ones that had captivated Bamby for god knows how long.
“I’m more worried about you,” Eunho’s gaze was locked on Bamby’s, as if he was searching for something in the others’ pink irises. “I already bothered you by asking you to play with me when you’re supposed to be resting. It’s the least I can do.”
Thump. Thump.
Bamby could feel his pulse racing—his heart was hammering against his chest. This is bad. He cannot fall for Eunho. Anyone else but him. If Eunho knew that Bamby is hopelessly in love with him, would he still hold his hand? If Eunho knew that Bamby saw him as something more than a friend, would he still stay?
No. Bamby can’t let their friendship end because of his stupid feelings. His stupid, useless, goddamn feelings. He doesn’t know what to do, but he’s certain about one thing—he doesn’t want Eunho to leave—even if that means that he has to lie to himself.
Bamby gently pushed Eunho’s hand away. “You don’t have to be too worried, we’re no longer kids.” He forced himself to sound as calm as possible. He wasn’t trying to sound too harsh, but seeing how Eunho reacted, he realized that he sounded a bit too indifferent.
“Wait—no, I didn’t mean it that way-” Bamby stood up from the sofa, running a hand down his face. “I’m sorry, Eunho-ya. Maybe I should rest for tonight—”
“How long are you going to keep on lying to yourself?” Eunho spoke quietly, almost like a whisper. Bamby stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Eunho. His hands were shaking as he gazed down at the younger, whose eyes were once again fixed on his.
“What are you talking about…?” Bamby tried to make it sound like there was nothing wrong at all—like Eunho was only mistaken about something—but the way his voice cracked broke a part of that disguise.
Does he know? Does he hate me now? Did I just ruin everything?
Bamby’s thoughts were a mess as Eunho stood up from the sofa, towering over him. “I’m really sorry, hyung, but I just can’t stand this anymore.” Eunho shut his eyes, running his hand through his hair while he sighed deeply, as if he was preparing to say something he knew he might regret.
So he does hate me. I should have seen this coming.
Bamby’s gaze fell on the floor as he braced himself for what Eunho was about to say, but it was something he didn’t quite expect.
“Why can’t you for once just say what you really feel?” Eunho started. He wasn’t angry. He was hurt, confused, and most importantly, terrified—terrified that he was mistaken, that this would ruin what he has with Bamby. The pink-haired man’s gaze rose to meet Eunho’s almost immediately.
“Hyung, you know better than anyone how easy it is to regret all the chances we didn’t take.” Eunho noticed how the pink-haired man’s hands trembled, so he held Bamby’s hands in his once more, gently caressing his wrist. Eunho’s eyes moved from Bamby’s face down to his hands.
“I’m also scared, hyung.” Eunho confessed. His mouth felt dry. It was like his own body was stopping him from trying to say what he wanted to say. The room was filled with uncomfortable silence as Eunho struggled to find the right words. “My thoughts are all over the place, but I swear I’m certain about one thing.” Eunho lifted his head, his eyes showing a newfound determination—quite the contrast to Bamby’s uncertain expression.
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The first time Eunho met Bamby, it wasn’t the awkward kind of way that most people experience when they meet new people. It was rather thrilling, to say the least. Young Eunho saw young Bamby hiding behind a big tree at the school playground. Out of sheer curiosity, he hid behind the tree too. Instead of stopping him or calling him out, Bamby scooted a bit so that Eunho could see and hear what he was spying on.
“I’m really sorry, gongju-ah” A blue haired man desperately tried to coax a blonde-haired…girl? But why is she wearing the men’s uniform?
Eunho couldn’t resist, so he whispered in a hushed voice. “Why is that girl wearing a boy's uniform?” He turned to look at Bamby, who was stifling a laugh.
“That’s also a boy, you dummy. Noah-hyung just really likes his hair to be long and flowy, says it makes him look even more majestic.” Bamby chuckled as Eunho nodded slowly, turning back to look at the two people they were spying at.
“Let me go, jun-ah.” The blond, whom Eunho presumes must be Noah, shook his hand off of the blue-haired man. “You know it’s hard for me to forgive you after what you’ve done.” Noah ran off, wiping tears in his eyes. The blue-haired man was standing still for a few seconds before he chased after Noah.
“They sound like they’re in a k-drama.” Bamby moved away from the tree, laughing hysterically.
“What did they even fight about? It sounds so serious.” Eunho squinted his eyes, staring at the direction where the two ran.
Without pausing from laughing, Bamby answered. “Chocolates. Yejun-hyung accidentally ate Noah-hyung’s chocolates, and now, they’re fighting like an old-married couple.” Eunho looked amazingly confused as he laughed along. After that, the two of them exchanged names, and later, Bamby introduced Eunho to his other friends, Yejun and Noah.
Surprisingly, the blond and blue-haired boys managed to resolve their chocolate issue in less than a day, so Bamby was able to introduce them to Eunho without any awkwardness.
One memory led to another, until they were practically inseparable. There were even times where Eunho’s mom would trust Bamby’s words more than her own son, and so does Bamby’s mother when it comes to Eunho.
Eunho was grateful to have met Bamby in his life. He was glad that his hyung stayed throughout his ups and downs, and in return, he always tries his best to be there for Bamby. He purposely walks slower so that he can easily catch Bamby if he trips, he stops walking to tie Bamby’s shoelaces without him asking, and he always answers Bamby’s calls, even if it is in the middle of the night.
That’s why when he felt something shift inside, he thought it was just friendly affection. He thought that maybe, what he’s feeling is just because he and his hyung practically spent every single time of the day together. Eunho tried to brush it off, to swallow down the growing emotions that rumbled inside his chest and rattled his heart.
Eunho desperately tried to ignore how his heart fluttered when Bamby smiled. Tried to ignore how cute Bamby looks like when he’s sulking when he loses in a video game. He tried, but when he started seeing his pink-haired hyung in his dreams, he knew he was done for.
He did almost everything just to drown his feelings out. He spent his time playing instruments, writing songs, singing, dancing, rapping, even exercising in the middle of the night, but it seems like everything just takes him back to Bamby.
It was driving him crazy. He kept on asking himself how he even got in this insane arrangement. Eventually, he just accepted the fact that his heart now beats for Bamby. Heaven knows the relief he felt when he stopped lying to himself, even if he didn’t have the courage to actually confess.
There were times when he’d look at Bamby, and it somewhat frustrates him that his hyung could read him all throughout while staring at him dead in the eyes but still stay unaware of the turmoil inside. Sometimes, he wishes that Bamby knew he was willing to stop time and space just to see him smile brightly. That he loves him too much, it hurts him sometimes.
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One chilly night, Yejun and Noah accidentally met Eunho inside the gym. The three of them had a small get-together and decided to eat at a nearby restaurant.
Eunho trusts and respects his other hyungs as much as he does with Bamby, so he mustered his courage to tell them about his complicated feelings with the pink-haired man. Maybe it was to help him wake up from his delusions, or maybe it was because he couldn’t bear to keep things unsaid anymore—that he really wants someone else to know about his struggles. He didn’t know what they would say, but he wished they could at least help ease his worries.
So, when Noah had pointed out that Bamby somehow looked at him differently—meaning that Bamby liking him back has a high chance—Eunho’s heart was filled with hope. Yejun also pointed out how he’d catch Bamby smiling while he listens to Eunho sing intently, so Noah’s little hypothesis might be true.
Deep down, Eunho thought that it was unlikely, but maybe he can try raising the stakes. He was afraid, but maybe he can try. Yejun and Noah also encouraged him, saying that Bamby would surely understand. It was as if they knew something that Eunho didn’t. Still, he was really thankful.
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“I can hear what your heart is shouting, hyung,” Eunho trailed off, not once taking his eyes off Bamby. “I know you need this too.”
Bamby’s head spun. What does Eunho mean? Does he also—No. Absolutely not. He was pulled out of his thoughts when Eunho continued to speak.
“Maybe I’m mistaken. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe, I’m sabotaging what we have…But I’m willing to take the risk.” Eunho said truthfully, recalling all the precious moments he had with his hyung. Bamby gulped down, finally finding the courage to ask.
“What are you trying to—”
“That I love you, hyung!”
At that exact moment, Bamby felt his defenses crumbling. All those years yearning for the man he loves. All those times he had to hide what he’s feeling. Everything crashed down at once like a wave.
“Eunho-ya, you can’t joke about this kind of thing!” Bamby pulled his hand away, averting his gaze.
You can’t make me hope for something impossible, Eunho!
“Hyung, look at me,” Eunho cupped Bamby’s face with his hand, gently turning it towards him. Tears were slowly forming on Bamby’s eyes, threatening to fall anytime. “Do I not look serious to you?” Eunho searched Bamby’s eyes for something—anything that could tell him that he’s not alone in this.
Bamby’s tears spilled down, his sobs filling the entire room. “You can’t take that back, do you hear me?” Eunho breathed out a sigh of relief as he pulled Bamby closer to him.
“I promise I won't.” Eunho tilted his hyung’s chin up, wiping his tears away. He planted a soft kiss on Bamby’s forehead, who closed his eyes in response.
Bamby leaned in as he pressed his lips against Eunho’s, years of yearning and unsaid feelings finally finding its way. Eunho’s hand held Bamby’s waist and the other found its way to Bamby’s nape. Their kiss deepened naturally as they melted into the kiss—into each other’s presence.
They pulled away when they were out of breath, leaning their foreheads against each other.
“I love you so much, Bamby-hyung.”
“I love you too, Do Eunho.”