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Colin’s fingers twitch. He shifts his weight from foot to foot. He does not like this. He does not like this at all.
And he feels entirely responsible.
He’s never been pulled aside by customs. Never given it a moment’s thought, to be honest, when he passes by and through the exit. He shouldn’t have been teasing her (though it’s his favourite pastime). Penelope usually leans into it, playfully batting his arm or retorting with the most delicious barb. But when it was clear the strange buzzing sound they could hear was coming from her suitcase, and she refused to stop and sort it out, she got really cagey, really fast.
“Why are you being weird?” he’d asked, narrowing his eyes at her playfully. His question, and Pen’s demeanour, was enough to get her pulled from the stream of arriving tourists. Colin had followed one step behind as the customs officer had directed her to their search area at the side.
“Waraka mada eke, yalovinaka,” a second customs officer had said to Colin, who only had eyes for his red-headed friend who was disappearing behind a screen. “Wait here, please,” the customs officer followed up in English.
Colin had nodded, brow furrowed in concern, and tried to see where Penelope was. He could see the table, but she was too far round to the side to see her.
He’s been waiting for several minutes and he’s only getting more anxious. If only he could see her.
He sighs dramatically.
“Your wife?” asks the customs officer.
Colin nods, eyes still searching for any glimpse of his friend, before realising that that isn’t correct. “I mean… no…” he mutters quietly.
The air is heavy in the way it often is inside large buildings, smelling stale and of too many people.
We’re in Fiji, he reminds himself. They’re a very friendly people. She’ll be fine.
But it doesn’t feel fine.
The way she’d glanced up at him, wide eyes with terror, when the customs officer had asked her to come with him, kept playing in Colin’s thoughts.
There’s movement at the table and Colin sees Penelope for a second as she heaves her comically large suitcase onto the table.
He tuts. They could have helped her lift it.
“Can I not just stand with her while they do this?” he asks his customs officer tersely. “I won’t say or do anything.”
“No, sir. Your wife will be fine.” Evidently he hadn’t heard Colin’s correction. No matter. Maybe it was all to the good. If there’s some problem, then let them think she’s his wife. He’ll use the weight his name carries to bring seven shades of shit down on them if they don’t let her return to his side soon.
He shifts his weight again, carding his fingers through his hair.
The customs officer tries to engage him in conversation, clearly attempting to settle his nerves, but Colin still doesn’t look at him. He does not want his nerves settled, he wants his Pen returned to him. He watches as Penelope’s bag is opened and items are slowly removed.
“Have you been to Fiji before, sir?”
“Yes. Well, I have. It’s Pen’s first time here. Quite the welcome.”
“Are you staying with us long?”
God, will this man just shut up?!
“Just 5 days,” he replies, showing his irritation to drip from his words. He’s starting to wish he’d booked literally anywhere else.
“You must take your wife to try Ika Lolo. Delicious!”
Despite his annoyance, Colin is about to agree (he does love Ika Lolo) when his brain stops working entirely.
He still cannot see Penelope but he has a clear view of the customs officer, wearing plastic gloves and raised eyebrows, as he reaches into Penelope’s suitcase and pulls out the biggest dildo Colin has ever seen.
Colin stops shifting his weight from foot to foot. Stops fidgeting with his fingers. Stops breathing entirely for a moment.
He knows the exact moment the customs officers beside him sees it too because he coughs to cover the half laugh / half choke he just made.
It’s huge. Black, thick and veiny. Colin cannot comprehend the size of it… compared to the size of Penelope. The dildo bends slightly under its own weight as the customs officer moves to put it beside the suitcase
What the hell is happening?
Why does she have that?! Well… obviously he knows why but… but… it’s so big.
And why is it on her essential packing list for a short getaway?
Fuck. His mouth is dry and he realises he’s just been staring at his fake wife’s dildo while the customs officer beside him has called over another colleague.
The three of them stand there staring, until Colin glances at them. The two customs officers wear matching expressions, somewhere between shock and amusement. When they turn their gaze to Colin though there is only pity in their eyes. As if Penelope has packed the world's biggest dildo for their holiday because he is unable to satisfy her.
Anger prickles at his skin and he takes some deep breaths to calm himself. Getting angry in an airport will not end well, he knows that.
Deep breath.
What do they know? She’s not even his actual wife.
Deep breath.
And if she was, he would satisfy the heck out of her.
Deep breath.
And if that meant using the world’s biggest dildo to fuck her, then he would happily oblige – like a good husband.
He looks back to Penelope’s suitcase just in time to see a smaller vibrator, a pink rabbit-style one with various loops and… ends, being removed. This is the offending item which was buzzing in her case.
He sees Penelope’s hand for a second as she reaches over and switches it off. Then the customs officer, eyebrows still practically flying off his forehead, continues his search.
Fuck, seriously?!
A third sex toy is pulled from the case. Colin doesn’t even know what that one is. It’s got a handle and a little hole in one side. Is it for nipples? He’ll Google it later.
He gulps.
The two customs officers next to Colin suppress their sniggers as a fourth device is pulled from Penelope’s suitcase. This one a purple, curved vibrator. Good for the g-spot, Colin assumes.
Colin realises he has been digging his nails into his sweaty palms. He takes a breath and swallows.
What the fuck is going on? How many sex toys has she packed for this short trip?!
A fifth one, a small rose pink bullet vibrator, is next from the suitcase. And then there is a pause. It looks like there are no more surprises to be drawn from her suitcase.
The cogs in Colin’s brain start slowly whirring again. Five. She packed five sex toys for a five day trip. One a day. Or maybe five a day.
The customs officer continues to check the contents but the two officers beside Colin relax and start chatting, making it clear the show is over.
Colin takes a ragged breath. His brain keeps conjuring images of Penelope on a bed surrounded by the sex toys.
He blinks hard trying to shoo the thoughts away. How is he meant to share a villa with her now when he knows that she’s got five sex toys in her room with her?
He feels his cock twitch at the thought. Christ, not now. He thinks about Anthony explaining algebra until his body stops threatening to redirect his blood flow.
“Five!” says his customs officer, sounding entirely delighted. “A new record. We should hang her picture on the wall.”
Colin’s anger flares again, this time he turns to see the man grinning, and steps towards him.
“It’s frankly none of your business how many sex toys my wife has in her case!” Colin says a little louder than intended.
The customs officer grins wider.
“Actually, it very much is my business. She cannot bring those items into Fiji, sir. They are illegal here.”
Colin’s jaw drops.
Shit. Is Penelope about to be arrested for trafficking sex toys?!
He spins to look back towards Pen’s suitcase, only since he took a step forwards, he can now see Penelope. And she is looking right at him. Her eyes wide and her whole face crimson.
He wants to run to her and scoop her into his arms. He wants to wrap himself around her and protect her from whatever is about to happen. He wants to hold her and never let go. He wants to tell her to say he’s her husband, if anyone asks. He wants to ask her what that third sex toy was for.
——————
Things didn’t escalate as Colin had feared. He was about to deploy his family name and suggest the customs idiots googled it with the word ‘Viscount’ – which was decidedly unColinlike as he hates to use his name to open doors, but opening doors for Pen was entirely different.
In the end, all they did was confiscate Penelope's sex toys and tell her not to bring any into the country again. They’d checked Colin’s suitcase too before sending them off with a smile and a wave. The customs officers were, in Colin’s opinion, somewhat too nice. He didn’t like the way they kept looking at Penelope and smiling, or the way they smirked when they looked at him.
Most of all he didn’t like the fact that Penelope wouldn’t look at him at all.
He’d steered them through the airport to find the driver the resort had arranged, who – by some miracle – was still waiting for them.
As the driver shows them to the car Penelope still won’t look at him.
Colin opens the car door for her, as the driver puts their sex toy-less cases in the boot, and she slides into the back seat without a word.
He gets in at the other side and looks over at her. She’s so pretty when she’s angry. Her cheeks are flushed and her lips set in an adorable pout. Her annoyance stiffens her posture, making her push her breasts out. He tries not to stare but she’s resolutely not looking at him so he allows his eyes to linger.
Please don’t let this one thing fuck up the whole trip.
Penelope needs this trip. Not that she would ever admit it. She needs some R&R and pampering. She needs to be treated and taken care of. She needs space from her family and her stupid job.
Ex-job. Fuckers.
Penelope never let Colin take care of her like he wanted to. She always shrugged off her stress, saying it didn’t matter. As if she didn’t matter.
Well, she does matter. She matters a great deal to Colin. So, when she’d told him she’d been fired for writing anonymous exposés of the sexism, misogyny, homophobia and racism she witnessed in the organisation (she posted them online but she’s still not quite sure how they figured out it was her) he knew he had to do something nice for her. She deserved nice things. Even if that meant inventing a story about a complimentary resort stay courtesy of one of his clients. She’d jumped at the chance of going on a jolly at the expense of some huge multinational. She’d never have said yes if she knew Colin was footing the bill.
From the moment she’d joined him in LA airport, to catch the flight to Fiji, Colin knew this would be money well spent. Even before that really, because she’d text him constantly about packing and he'd delighted in her wittering about having the right things and her constant questions.
Spending time with his best friend, seeing her laugh when only a few days before she’d called him in tears, making plans for the days ahead – totally worth it, every penny.
Only now she won’t look at him and it feels like his chest has popped open and cold water is being poured inside.
He opens his mouth to speak, though he’s not entirely sure what he’s going to say. But Penelope, somehow aware of his every move without looking directly at him (maybe he shouldn’t have let his gaze linger earlier), shuts her eyes and says a clipped “Don’t.”
He shuts his mouth again and they drive to the hotel in silence.
When they arrive, they get out of the car (in silence), check-in (in silence) and go to their villa (in silence). Then Penelope disappears into her room and shuts the door.
Fuck! Fucking Fiji and their fucking rules, fucking around with their fucking holiday!
Colin sighs and wanders aimlessly around their villa. It’s beautiful, of course, with windows overlooking the sea. He thinks about how different things might be right now if customs hadn’t pulled her over and stolen her sex toys.
They’d have laughed and chatted the whole drive here, his cheeks would be aching from smiling. They always are after a day with Penelope.
She’d have pretended to complain as he insisted they put on their swimming costumes and run down to the sea immediately. He’d have pretended not to notice how her breasts bounced as they ran.
Maybe she’s packed that green bikini she wore at the hotel pool when they were away for Ben and Sophie’s wedding. God, it was a sight to behold. Gravity defying. He’d had to clip Gregory around the ear for gawping at Penelope’s chest (at least Colin had the decency to close his mouth when he was looking. Less gawping; more admiring). She’d worn a pink one the next day which, now he thinks about it, was the exact same shade as the rabbit vibrator which had been buzzing in her suitcase.
And that’s all it takes – his brain connecting the colour of a pink bikini and pink vibrator – for a new image of his friend to appear in his mind. Penelope, spread out on a bed, pink bikini top on but one strap slipping off her shoulder. Her red curls are wild around her on the pillow. Her hand is between her legs – his brain keeps that vague, as if he cannot really focus his eyes there, but the buzzing he hears is enough for him to know she’s using the pink rabbit. Her lips, moist and plump, part as she sighs and moans and says…
“Colin.”
He jumps and spins around, looking guilty as fuck.
“Pen! Hi. Yeah. Hello.”
She’s standing in the door to her room with a determined look on her face, her brow creased and her lips pouting just a little. Her cheeks are flushed so prettily.
And she’s looking at him. Directly.
Thank fuck. He was starting to think she was never going to look at him again and he did not like that version of reality at all.
“Please can we have a shower, and get changed, then go and get stupidly drunk?”
He stares at her dumbly. Can we have a shower..?
Together?! No, she doesn’t mean that, obviously. Calm down.
“Erm… yes. Of course.” The image of Penelope, naked under a cascade of warm water flashes through his mind.
Why are you imagining her showering?! She just wants to go and get drunk so she can stop thinking about her dildos.
He pictures the giant black dildo then. Imagines her holding it in her tiny hands as she…
“Yes!” he practically yells, blinking hard in an attempt to push the mental images from his mind. “Let’s get drunk!”
She gives him a small smile (not her usual beam but better than no smile at all) and sighs out a breath, clearly relieved he’s on board with her plan.
“Ok, good. I’ll get ready,” she says, turning back into her room.
“Perfect. Yep. Good plan.” He steps towards her, before realising his room is in the opposite direction, so he pivots and slips as he turns, sliding on the polished floor with an undignified shriek.
God. Just be normal. Stop flailing around!
Penelope looks at him as he regains his balance. She doesn’t quip or laugh as she normally would.
“Alright?” she asks.
“Yup. All good. Just slipped. You should be careful, it’s… slippery.”
The image of the huge dildo covered in excessive amounts of lube runs through his head.
Fuck. Control your thoughts, man!
But it’s too late for that. He’s picturing it sliding into her and he feels his cock pulse in satisfaction at the thought.
Fuck.
“Ok,” she says. “I won’t be long.”
He nods. She’s not even looking anymore but nodding is all he can manage right now.
Shower. COLD shower. Now.
Though the shower doesn’t really help because he knows Pen is also in the shower. Naked. And… wet…
He seems to have lost all control over his brain as it is bombarding him with mental images of his best friend in various states of undress and pleasure. As soon as he chases one thought away it’s replaced swiftly by another.
Penelope in the shower, lathered with soap bubbles… running along the beach in her green bikini… on the sofa drawing her skirt up, bullet vibrator in hand… on the bed with the black dildo pushing into her…
He tries so hard not to succumb, as he lets the water wash away the long journey and the stresses of their arrival. He shouldn’t touch himself while he thinks of her, he knows that. It won’t make him any less horny around her, he knows that too. It never has before. Only his thoughts have never been spiralling quite so much around her and he hopes that if he comes it might calm his mind a little. It might stop the sexy slideshow which is scrolling through his mind's eye.
And so he lets his mind linger, imagining her in the shower. Imagining his hands on her breasts because, fuck, they look so perfect.
He wraps his hand around his aching cock and slowly strokes back and forth.
He imagines her on his bed, her collection of toys around her. Her hands roaming over her body, pinching at her nipples and begging him to use one of her vibrators to satisfy her.
He pumps his hand faster, twisting his wrist to stroke his palm across the sensitive head of his dick as he does.
He imagines kneeling before her as she sits on the sofa, her fingers between her legs, bullet vibrator pressed to her clit. She leans back as he presses her thighs apart and drops his lips to taste her.
Colin comes so hard he has to bite his lip to stifle the moan.
Fuck. Ok, maybe that will help.
But when he’s dry and dressed and waiting in the living room for her, he hears a noise coming from her room – a gentle buzzing.
Did she have a SIXTH vibrator which they didn’t find?! Is she using it now?!
Immediately his thoughts are spiralling again. Perhaps it was in her hand luggage. Perhaps she used it on the flight… though people would have heard… and he would have noticed if she’d returned to her seat all flushed and glowing. His cock doesn’t seem to mind that this scenario is highly unlikely, it’s standing to attention at the very idea.
While he’s trying to move his thoughts to Anthony explaining algebra again, Penelope opens her bedroom door and he sees that she’s brushing her teeth – with her electric toothbrush.
Fucking idiot.
She gives him a small nod and pads through to the kitchen to get a glass of water, then pads back into her room.
Colin just stands there, opening and closing his mouth like a fish.
So… any vague buzzing noise near her now is going to break his brain again? Great. That seems sustainable.
He paces about, waiting for her to reappear, his brain playing whack-a-mole with thoughts of Penelope and her sex toys – as fast as he banishes one mental image another appears.
When she finally steps out of her bedroom she’s wearing a long flowing dress with thin shoulder straps, and his first thought is that she cannot possibly be wearing a bra. He forces his eyes up to her face which, honestly, doesn’t help with the horny thoughts at all because her lips look so very soft and plush, he just wants to…
“Ready to go?” she asks.
“Yes. Lovely. You look… I mean.”
Fuck. Why can’t he talk anymore?!
It’s not like she hasn’t always been this gorgeous. She obviously has. But usually he can compartmentalise. There’s Pen, his very best friend who is funny and clever and brave and always knows how to make him feel better. Then there’s Pen, curvy and soft and stunning, the object of many of the dreams which leave him waking hard and horny.
But right now he can’t seem to compartmentalise at all. She’s all of that, all at once – and it’s overwhelming. Plus she’s suddenly gone from sexy to sexual.
Obviously if he thought about it (which he resolutely didn’t) then he knew Penelope was a sexual being. Obviously she has sex and sexual thoughts and masturbates (Christ, just thinking that is making him hard again) so it shouldn’t be such a shock to know she owned sex toys.
But…
It wasn’t just that she owned them… it was that she packed them. So many of them. And the size of some of them. The thought of…
No. No, he can’t think about that again. Not when she’s standing right there in her braless outfit, looking so beautiful.
And… quizzical. She looks pretty bemused at him stumbling over his words.
“Thanks. Shall we?” She tilts her head towards the door.
“Yes. Let’s.” He nods. “Let’s get stupidly drink.”
—————
They drink their way down the cocktail menu, starting with the whiskey section and then moving on to the gins. Colin assures Penelope that the drinks are covered on his imaginary free deal with the hotel, telling her to pick whatever she wants.
They order some snacks but they do little to stop their journey towards ‘stupidly drunk’.
“Ok,” Penelope declares, looking serious. “I have reached the right level of inebriation to discuss what happened at the airport.”
Colin’s eyes go wide. Wait, is HE inebriated enough for this?!
“This is a one time only discussion,” she says as if chairing a business meeting. “The topic cannot be broached again so make all your wisecracks now.”
He uncontrollably snorts a laugh at her use of the word ‘crack’, slapping a hand over his mouth for a moment as if to hide it. He nods to show he has heard and understood and he can’t quite believe she’s giving him permission to talk about this. He has no idea what to ask first but Penelope is taking care of that.
“Did you…” He can practically feel the warmth of her blush from where he sits. “Did you tell them I was… your w-wife?”
Oh. She heard that. Still… how is THIS the most pertinent question?!
“I, erm, well…” Why is he blushing so hard about this? She’s the one who had five sex toys seized at the border. He just let someone believe they were married. “He just sort of assumed and… well… I thought it might be better.”
“Better how?” She softly giggles, her eyes drifting from him to her drink as if she cannot bear to look at him directly but also cannot bear to look away.
He shifts on his barstool slightly, leaning in a little closer. His knee bumps hers and he rests it there. It makes him feel better that they’re connected somehow. He fixes his eyes on their knees as he talks.
Why does it feel so exposing to talk about this?
“Well, I didn’t like that they just took you away… from me. I didn’t know what was happening and I figured they were more likely to let me go to you if I was your husband, rather than just your friend.”
He looks up at her face then and sees she is watching him with a soft expression. He gives her an apologetic smile. “Sorry if it made you uncomfortable.”
She flashes a grin for a second. “Of all the things that were happening at the airport, hearing you defending me and calling me your wife was the least uncomfortable, to be honest.”
He sighs and gives her a small satisfied smile.
“Good.” He likes that she heard that. That she knows he was trying to defend her. It makes his stomach feel all warm and swirly actually. And there was something about the way she said ‘your wife’ that makes him press his knee more firmly to hers.
He fidgets with his cocktail glass on the bar top, spinning it gently.
“Well, it was probably about to get more uncomfortable as I was only two breaths away from yelling the words Viscount and Bridgerton.”
Surprise and delight spread across Penelope’s face and she laughs. A full genuine laugh. It makes his heart almost burst to hear it again.
“Wow! You were about to play the ‘don’t you know who I am?!’ card?! I am shooketh! You hate using your name like that.”
“I hate people looking like they’re about to arrest my wife more.”
He gives her a bashful smile, and then continues to spin his cocktail glass.
“How much did you… see?” she asks tentatively, taking another sip of her cocktail as if to hide behind the glass.
Oh fuck. Ok…
“Ev-er-y-thing…?” he says slowly, looking unsure. “I mean… Five. I saw five, erm, items… get confiscated.”
His knee starts bouncing and Penelope places her hand on his leg to still him.
“Right. Yes. So… everything.” She nods and takes another drink.
Sensible plan. He may never be inebriated enough for this part of the conversation but, god, he has so many questions.
He downs the last of his cocktail and motions to the bartender for two more.
“The customs guy next to me said it was a record,” he says as if he’s proud of her achievement, then a slightly manic giggle escapes from him before he clamps his lips shut. It makes Penelope’s calm demeanor crack.
“Christ!” She buries her face in her hands.
“Well…” Ok, he’s going to say it. He’s just going to say it. “Five does seem like… quite a lot.” He picks up his glass before realising it’s empty and putting it down again. “For a five day trip,” he adds.
Penelope downs the last of her drink and it seems to bolster her courage again. Or fuel her annoyance, he’s not sure which.
“Hey, don’t judge me,” she says firmly, pointing her finger at him. “It’s your bloody fault I had five of them in the first place.” She pokes him in the chest as if to really emphasise quite how much his fault it is.
“It’s my fault?”
“Yes!”
“Is it?!”
The bartender interrupts as he places fresh cocktails beside each of them. They thank him and return to their conversation without missing a beat.
“I feel like I’d have remembered procuring five sex toys and then packing them in your case,” Colin says with a smug smile.
Penelope takes a large swig of her cocktail.
“Is it the fact there were five that’s got you all red faced and worked up?” She gives him a smug smile in return.
Oh, she is so fucking cheeky! Why is that so hot?
He gawps at her before laughing. “I am not red faced and worked up, thank you very much!”
“Hmm…” She studies his face seriously for a second then gently takes his jaw in her hand so she can tilt his head this way and that to inspect him fully. She bites her lip as she does so and Colin is suddenly very aware of each breath he takes, of the feel of her skin against his, of his heart beating in his chest.
“Evidence suggests otherwise,” she decrees, letting her hand fall back to her lap. He wants to take it and press it back against his cheek.
“Perhaps it’s just warm in here,” he counters, “because you look a little flushed yourself.”
He cups her cheek and lets his thumb stroke across it. He is rewarded with the light pink blossoming into a full deep blush.
Well, that was satisfying.
He wonders what other responses he might elicit from her.
Reluctantly he drops his hand from her cheek. He takes a sip of his new cocktail.
“But five though…” he bites his lip then, and waits to see what she might say on the subject.
She takes a drink and rolls her eyes at him.
“A woman has needs,” she says haughtily.
His eyes rove over her then. Her lips, her chest, her hips then slowly back to her eyes.
“Of course. But… five toys for five days!?”
“Well…” she looks a little less sure of herself but she continues anyway. “It’s nice to have options.”
His mind runs through the various dildos, vibrators and… other toys with little holes in… which were pulled from her case.
“So, it’s like… a different one each day?” he asks softly.
“Fuck, no! You have to work your way up to Albert, he’s not a solo situation!”
Colin’s jaw drops at the same second Penelope realises what she just said. Her eyes go wide and she clamps her mouth shut.
Christ, he's never had so many follow up questions in his life.
He parts his lips to speak but Penelope quickly moves her hand from covering her mouth, to covering his.
He smiles against her palm. She looks wild, her cheeks burning and her eyes wide. She is so beautiful.
Colin gently nips her skin with his teeth and Penelope squeals and tugs her hand away.
“Colin!”
“You said this was my moment to ask questions. And oh, boy, do I have questions!” He grins at her.
“Fucks sake.” Penelope turns to the bar and nods to the bartender. “Can we get some shots please? Rum.”
She looks back at Colin who is still smiling at her. When he goes to open his mouth to talk, again she silences him. But this time with just one finger pressed to his lips.
He exhales gently, not taking his eyes off her. He lips still pulled into a smile as he tries not to give in to the almost overwhelming urge to kiss her fingertip.
The bartender places their shots on the bar top and Penelope releases Colin’s lips as she turns and takes her drink. Colin picks up his glass and clinks it against Penelope’s.
Then they down the rum and slam the glasses back onto the bar.
Penelope stares at her empty glass then closes her eyes and starts to talk.
“Albert was the big one. A prince amongst men. I usually paired him with Victoria, because women know more about the clitoris than men. Jessica, obviously the rabbit, usually laid the ground work because you needed to work up to Albert. He was a special occasion treat, not for everyday usage. That role would be the bullet, known as Annie, as in Oakley. And that just leaves the G-Man, Gregory–”
Colin chokes loudly and convulsively, on nothing other than the sound of his brother’s name in the list of Penelope’s sex toys.
Penelope, whipping her head round to look at him as he tries to regain his composure, clearly follows his train of thought.
“Ew! No! Not your brother, don’t be gross. Gregory as in Peck.”
Colin frowns quizzically at her. Gregory Peck? That old actor?
She looks down at her lap as she admits, “I… kind of had a thing for him… as Atticus Finch.”
Ok, that’s better than Greg but still…
Colin feels an irrational hatred towards Gregory Peck, as if the man himself had been pleasuring Pen’s G-spot with a specially curved vibrator.
Colin realises he is jealous of the mere idea of another man being the one to pleasure Penelope. His friend, Penelope. The one he can’t stop picturing naked. The one he thought about in the shower as he came. The one sitting in front of him now, looking so damn gorgeous he almost wants to cry.
Fuck.
The room is swirling a bit and he’s not sure if it’s because of Penelope or the drinks.
“Ok,” he blinks and tries to steady the spinning. “Ok, so… they all have names. One is the same as my little brother… cool, cool, cool.”
“Once again – not named after your little brother.”
“And it’s not a one-a-day situation. It’s more pic’n’mix.”
“Colin!” She laughs then and pushes his arm playfully. He can’t help but beam back at her.
“What? I’m just establishing the facts.”
“The facts?” She shakes her head but she’s still smiling.
Her smile is so radiant. Thank god she’s looking at him again. Smiling at him again.
“Yes. The facts. Now, we just need to establish why you needed to bring five… erm friends on a five day holiday. Including “special occasion” Albert, God rest his soul.”
“Seriously? You’re asking why I have them?”
His mouth goes dry and it’s all he can do not to linger on the thought of her choosing one of the vibrators and sliding it inside her.
“Not that why. More… wait, why did you say it was my fault earlier?”
“Well… ” she says quietly.
He leans in, putting his hand on the back of her chair.
“Well…?” he asks.
“Well…” She shakes her head in exasperation. “I don’t pack multiple sex toys for holidays with Eloise, put it that way.”
He tilts his head in confusion. What does that even mean?!
“I don’t…?” he trails off.
“Look at you, for crying out loud! With your face,” she waves her hand vaguely in front of his face as a blush starts to bloom there, “and your chest hair,” she quickly tugs at the open collar of his shirt and he draws in a sharp breath, “and your arms,” she squeezes his bicep, “and your…” she pauses for a second, “hands!”
Ok, what!?
“Erm–?”
“And we’re at the beach so you’ll be running around half naked and…”
“And?” he asks eagerly.
"And stop fishing! You know! You know what you’re like and the effect you have. You’ve built a whole harem of horny followers on your socials.”
Horny followers?! Is she saying she is…?
“But then you’re all…” she waves her hand at him vaguely again.
“I’m all what?!” he asks defensively.
“All… lovely. You’re kind and attentive and thoughtful and funny.” She sighs. “You can’t expect to look like that and act like that and be around me for five days without me having… my friends here too.”
He stares at her, not entirely comprehending. What exactly did she mean?
“My little bullet isn’t gonna cut it under such circumstances. I need… options for escalation. Only now I have none. No options.”
“You have options…” The words tumble from his lips before he has chance to question them.
“What?” She half laughs as she says it, as if he is joking, but Colin is not laughing.
His tongue flicks out to wet his lips.
“What if…I was your sex toy?”
“It’s cruel to tease the incurably horny, Colin.”
“I am not teasing.” He reaches down and takes her hand. She looks at him for a moment, studying his face. Searching for answers, though he thinks he’s being quite clear.
“Don’t say shit you don’t mean, Colin.” She looks down at their hands and he sees her forehead crease in a small frown.
He tugs her hand to his lips and her eyes follow. Softly, he kisses her knuckles.
“But I do mean it.”
She seemed to find whatever answers she was looking for because Penelope leans forwards and kisses him.
And it is glorious.
She is soft and almost tentative at first, but as Colin leans in and presses his tongue to her lips she opens her mouth to him and he feels like the whole world has disappeared. It’s just him and Penelope.
He moans against her mouth and his hand cups her cheek. As their kiss deepens all he can think is that he never wants it to stop.
God, she is so perfect.
But then she pulls back and his mouth chases hers for a second, before his lips realise she’s stopped kissing him.
“Why did you stop?” he asks, trying and failing not to pout.
He watches her lips – her perfect lips – twitch into a small smile. Her soft blue eyes rove over his face.
“Well,” she whispers, and he leans in automatically. She is a magnet he is powerless to resist. “I don’t usually use my sex toys at the bar.” She bites her lip, her teeth digging into her soft pink skin. He wants to bite it too.
“So, I thought maybe we could head back to our villa?” she whispers and his cock throbs at the idea.
He’s never signed for his drinks and left a bar so fast in his life.
—————
They half walk, half stumble back along the path to their villa. Pausing to kiss or just look at one another before giggling. They take it in turns to lead. Colin walks backwards, tugging Penelope’s hand, and towing her towards him before stopping abruptly so she steps into him so he can kiss her again, hands on her waist and throat. He inhales her moans and sways a little before they switch and Penelope pulls him to follow her.
The journey back along the path seems much longer now than when they marched down to the bar with clear intentions of inebriation.
They had succeeded in their plan, for sure, and they both had moments of teetering and stumbling, only for the other to right them before they fell.
A few doors away from their destination, Penelope stops and rests her back against a lamppost. Colin presses himself to her, fingers in her hair, hand on her hip as he thrusts against her.
“Fuck, you are so hot, Pen. God, I want you so much.” He breathes the words against her lips before she kisses him again.
“Then have me,” she says between kisses, before Colin pulls back to drag her, giggling, the last few steps to their door.
He fumbles with the key in the lock, missing several times before finally connecting and turning it.
Thank Christ. And don’t let that be an omen of things to come. Water. Water is a good plan.
Placing a sloppy kiss on Penelope's cheek he slaps her arse she sends her towards his bedroom.
“Go and get into my bed. I’m gonna get us some water.”
Penelope nods and sways. He watches her bump into the door frame before she disappears into his room.
Fuck. She’s in your room. She’s in your room and about to get into your bed and you’re going to see her fucking tits.
He chugs his glass of water and refills it for Penelope, following her path, bumping into the doorframe too before stepping into the room.
She’s not in his bed though. Maybe she missed it, it does seem to be spinning.
Colin notices the light in his bathroom is on, just as he hears her throw up into the toilet.
Bollocks.
Colin’s need to look after Penelope sobers him up pretty quickly.
He’s beside her in seconds, holding her hair and rubbing a soothing hand over her back.
“Oh god, don’t look at me,” she murmurs into the toilet bowl before throwing up again.
“Ssssh, it’s alright.”
“God, can this day get any more embarassing?”
“Hey, it’s only me,” he says softly, still rubbing her back. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. Just get it out and feel better.”
And she does. Hugging the toilet bowl for a while before she finally agrees she is done.
“Let me get your toothbrush. Hold on.”
Colin nips over to her room to retrieve it and when he gets back the bathroom door is pushed almost shut and the shower is running. He pauses by the door. He had been so close to seeing her naked – he’d dreamed of it so often – and now she’s right there, naked in his shower. And the door is open.
He sighs. Carefully reaching into the room and putting her toothbrush on the sink but resolutely not looking in the mirror where he might see her reflection.
Maybe it’s just not meant to be…
Only he really wants it to be. Her lips against his felt so natural, so perfect. He cannot imagine never kissing her again. He thinks about all the time he has wasted compartmentalising her into stupid boxes. Not letting himself see all of her at once, feel all the things he feels for her all at once.
Well… he feels them now.
The shower turns off. He listens to her getting dry and brushing her teeth, and then the door swings open and his jaw hits the floor.
She’s wearing his T-shirt. It skims the top of her thighs and his eyes keep flitting from there to her face.
The room sways a little and Colin feels sure this time it’s not the alcohol, it’s the way she looks. Standing there, in his t-shirt. Though his head feels thick and he tries and fails to count the number of drinks they had.
“I hope you don’t mind–”
“No.” He cuts her off, stepping towards her and taking her hand. “I definitely don’t mind.”
She looks up at him and smiles. She looks so soft and peachy from the hot water. He wants to press his lips to every part of her skin.
“Will you… stay?” he asks softly, unsure if she wants to, now the moment has passed. But he wants her in his bed and his arms, even if just to sleep.
Penelope steps closer then, putting her hands on his chest and he almost moans at her touch.
“I promise I’m minty fresh now. Or have I…” she looks down at her hands, avoiding his gaze. “… missed my chance?”
Her chance? HER chance?
“Pen.” Softly, he tilts her chin up so she meets his gaze again. “I want nothing more than to carry on where we left off. But the room is spinning and I don't want to be so pissed I can’t properly remember our first time.”
He kisses the tip of her nose.
“Can we just curl up and sleep?” he asks.
She nods at him, wide eyed, then lets him lead her to his bed and he tucks her in, handing her the water, before running round to the other side of the bed. He pulls off his shirt and shucks off his trousers. Keeping his underwear on, he slides under the sheet with her.
Penelope rolls over to face him and giggles.
“That was rather quick,” she snorts. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone get undressed quite so fast before.”
He smiles and rolls his eyes at her teasing.
“Well, I was eager to be the big spoon. Roll over.”
She does and he tucks himself in behind her. Sliding one arm under her head and threading their fingers together.
He wraps his other arm around her waist and pulls her into him, giving a satisfied hum against her hair as he does.
He toys with the hem of her t-shirt, letting his fingers tickle her bare skin below it.
She is so sexy. He doesn’t want to stop touching her. Ever. Not ever.
“Colin?” she sighs and his cock starts to harden at the sound of his name on her lips.
“Yeah, Pen?”
“I’m so fucking drunk,” she says pitifully.
He laughs and kisses her head, his face burrowing into her curls.
“I know, baby. I’ve got you.”
Baby? Did he just call her baby? Fuck.
She just hums a sleepy and satisfied hum, and squirms back into him.
God, she feels so good. He tries not to move his hips. Tries really hard not to grind his erection against her, even though every cell in his being is screaming at him to do just that.
“Colin?”
“Yeah, Pen?”
“Your cock feels so massive,” she says in a soft, sleepy murmur. She’s not being suggestive, just matter-of-fact as she drifts halfway to sleep.
A laugh bursts from him and he buries his face deeper into her curls.
“What? It does,” she mutters in protest.
“Well…” His face burns. “Yeah, I guess, it kind of is. That’s entirely your fault.”
His fingers skim the soft skin below the hem of her t-shirt again.
“Hmm.” She sounds so sleepy now, like she’s half dreaming. “I really wanted to ride it.”
“Fuck, Pen.” He ruts against her. He cannot help it, his hips move before his brain engages. “Sorry.”
Fuck.
“You could just slip it in. I don’t want to miss my chance."
He lifts himself up then, propping himself up on one arm to lean over her and see her face.
“Penelope Featherington,” he says firmly. Her eyes meet his. “I’m not just slipping it in. I don’t know what chance you think you’re going to miss because this,” he gently thrusts against her, “will be waiting for you in the morning. When we wake up, if no one needs to put their head in the toilet and everyone can think straight, I will happily fuck you so hard the room starts spinning again.”
She looks up at him for a moment, her eyes sparkling and a soft smile playing on her lips.
“Colin?”
“Yeah, Pen?”
“Will you call me baby again when you do?”
He tries not to grin at her like an idiot but a satisfied smile spreads across his face all the same.
“Yes, baby. I promise.” He kisses her cheek. “Now go to sleep.”
He nestles back in behind her and they’re both asleep in minutes.
———————
As consciousness slowly takes hold of Colin, he stretches his back and shoulders, aching slightly as he doesn’t seem to have moved at all in the night.
It’s not until he starts to stretch his arms that he wakes enough to realise they are wrapped around Penelope.
Everything comes flooding back.
The airport. The sex toys. The drinking. The kissing. The… stopping.
Her hands are curled together in one of his. He sweeps his thumb over the back of her hand. She doesn’t stir.
No matter, it’s not exactly a hardship to stay curled up with her like this. She’s so warm and soft.
His other hand is on her hip, he squeezes it gently. This time she does stir, just a little. She squirms slightly in his arms, perhaps also trying to release the aches from having stayed so still all night.
Burrowing through the sea of fiery curls before him, his nose connects with the soft skin of her neck. He plants gentle kisses there until Penelope starts to gently rock her hips, pressing back into him.
“Mmmmh,” he murmurs into her skin.
“Col?”
“Yeah?”
“Just checking you were real and not some vivid cocktail induced dream.”
He smiles and continues his kisses for a moment.
“How’s the head?” he asks, letting the hand on her hip roam slightly, his finger tips grazing the bare skin on her leg.
“A bit fuzzy.” She presses back into him again, his cock hardening. He desperately wants to grind against her. “Shots may have been a bad idea.”
“Ah, perhaps. I do know a great hangover cure though.” He plants more soft kisses on her neck, his hand cupping the swell of her arse as he grinds against her. His heart racing at the moan she makes.
“Oh, really? Do share…”
He runs his hand over her hip, her stomach and cups her breast. God, she feels so perfect. The gasp she makes as his thumb grazes her nipple makes him groan and grind against her again.
“Mmmh… some swear by hair of the dog.” He builds a rhythm then, thrusting gently as she presses back into him. “Some advise two raw eggs.” He circles her nipple with his thumb, gentle pinching and being rewarded with the most gorgeously breathy moan. “But I think sleepy morning sex is a much better option.”
Penelope takes his hand then, dragging it from her breast and down her stomach.
“Scientifically proven, is it?” she asks, rolling her hips and dragging her arse against his erection.
“Mmmmh, more research is needed. If you’re interested?”
God, she feels amazing. It feels like his whole body is electrified by her touch.
“I’m very interested,” she whispers, her breaths heavy.
She continues to guide his hand lower, lower, lower until she is sliding it inside her underwear and is pressing his fingers into her wetness there.
“Fuck… Pen…”
She arches into him and his cock throbs with need.
“Where do you need me?” he whispers against her ear, kissing and nipping with his lips.
She moans and writhes against him.
“Show me,” he kisses down her neck. “If you had your toys… how would you use them?”
Penelope’s moan is so full of desire Colin thinks he could come from the sound of her alone.
“Here…” she breathes, pressing his fingers against her clit. “Oh god… here first.”
“Christ, Pen… you feel so fucking good.”
He presses firm circles against her, hearing which motion makes her breath catch, learning how firmly to press to make her moan deeply, and how long he should touch her there before releasing the pressure to elicit a delightful whimper from her.
“Colin… oh my god…”
He feels her trembling and folds his free arm around her, pulling her into him.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers against her ear. “Tell me what you need…”
“I need you inside me,” she gasps.
“Which toy? Which toy would you use now?”
She is panting and squirming her hips, she feels insanely good against him.
“Gre–” He is so grateful she cuts herself off from saying its name. He does not want his brother's name on her lips right now. “The curved one. The G-spot…” and she gasps so much her whole body arches back into him as he slides two fingers inside her.
Colin groans into her neck, his teeth grazing her skin before leaving wet kisses there instead.
“Baby, you feel so good… fuck…”
“Colin…” she whimpers again, rocking her hips to fuck against his fingers.
He tightens his arm around her, pulling her impossibly closer wanting his whole body to wrap around her.
Slowly, he curls his fingers inside her and the moan which rolls from her feels primal.
“There…” she gasps, clinging onto his arm as it wraps around her. “Just there… fuck…”
“God,” he groans. “I love how loud you are. Fuck. Let me hear you, baby.”
And she does. She moans and gasps and says his name over and over and over.
Colin keeps curling his fingers where she tells him. Feeling her body tense when he hits the right spot, hearing her moans and her pleas for him not to stop. And then she’s quivering with need and he thinks he might come himself as he thrusts against her in a frantic rhythm.
“Yes… yes… Colin…”
He feels her clench around his fingers and he presses his mouth to her neck, wanting to connect every part of him to a part of her.
She quivers and gasps and bucks her hips and Colin holds her through it until she sighs, and slows, and practically sobs his name as he eases his fingers from inside her.
“I have you,” he whispers into her skin between kisses, wrapping both arms around her now. “Pen. You’re so perfect.”
“What do you need?” she asks, echoing his question, as she breathes heavily. He feels her chest rise and fall beneath his arm.
“You,” he answers truthfully. “More of your moans. Fuck, I’ve dreamed of my name on your lips as you come. I want to hear it again. I want… I want you to just use me.” His hands grab at her flesh, pressing and squeezing and pulling her close. “The thought of you using your toys, just fucking them for your pleasure. It makes me feel insane with wanting you. I want to be that. I want you to just… use my cock however you want.”
She rolls in his arms to face him, and kisses him. Her hand cupping his face and sliding down to his chest.
His whole body hums with desire.
“Pen…” He doesn’t think he’s ever sounded more needy in his life. “Please.”
Then his lips are back on hers and his hands are in her hair.
“I don’t have a condom,” she says quietly against his lips.
“Fuck. Maybe I have one in my wallet. I’m not sure.”
“But if you’re… I mean… I’m tested and on birth control… maybe we could… if you are…?”
She’s blushing. God, this goddess who packed five sex toys is blushing asking him if he needs a condom.
“I’m tested too. If you’re sure…?”
She kisses him again, biting his lower lip and smiling at the moan she pulls from him.
“I’m very sure.” Her eyes flick down to his underwear. “Strip.”
Colin does as she commands. Not taking his eyes off her and she shimmies out of her underwear too, leaving his t-shirt on, before straddling his legs and looking down at his cock, standing hard and proud before her.
She gently strokes her finger tips down the length of him. The sensation is so soft it almost hurts.
“I knew you felt massive last night… but… Fuck, Colin.”
“Christ, Pen,” he gasps, his breathing ragged.
She smiles and dips her head down to place kisses along the shaft.
She’s trying to kill him. It’s the only explanation.
“Fuck…” He can hardly breathe.
She looks up at him and hums, as if satisfied by the sight of him so undone.
Then her lips find the smooth head of his cock and she sucks lightly, swirling her tongue, taking just the tip into her mouth before pulling back. She kisses him there and Colin thinks he might explode because her lips feel so fucking good, but then she’s sitting up and reaching to pull his t-shirt over her head.
And his heart tugs because although he’s desperate to see her breasts and put his mouth on them, he likes that she’s in his clothing. He likes it so much.
He puts his hand on her arm to stay her.
“Wait… will you leave it on? I.. err..”
Penelope cocks her head quizzically and looks momentarily unsure. “You don’t want to see?” she asks in a small voice.
Colin pulls her down to him, so he can kiss her face all over. Kiss away the uncertainty that bloomed there.
“I want to see. I’ve dreamed of you that way more times than I can say… but…”
He toys with the t-shirt lightly.
“I like…” he tries to get the words out. “I like you in this. I like that you look like… you’re mine.”
Penelope kisses him back. She kisses and kisses him until she has to pull back and gasp in a breath.
“I’ve always been yours, Colin.”
And then she tilts her hips and presses her wet centre against his hard shaft. Her hand reaches to guide him to her entrance and she sinks down, down, down.
“Pen,” he gasps, sounding desperate. She meets his gaze as she sits upon him. She feels so perfect wrapped around his cock. His hands lay gently on her hips as she begins to work herself up and down his shaft.
All Colin can do is mutter a string of nonsense and curse words. All sensible thought fucked out of him with every thrust.
“God, Pen… fuck… you feel amazing. You are amazing. You’re a fucking goddess.”
He feels almost delirious with pleasure. The sight of her, covered by his t-shirt, bouncing on his cock makes him gasp and moan and babble.
Placing her hands on his chest for leverage, she slows her rhythm, murmuring words of pleasure as she slowly slides down until he’s buried deep inside her.
She moans his name, pulling his hand between her legs and pressing his fingers to her clit.
She grinds and fucks as he worships her with words. The more he talks, the faster she fucks him, and he knows he’s close already, but he cannot help it, she’s too perfect.
“God. So good. You’re so good. Fuck, Pen. Pen. My Pen.”
The words tumble from him almost incoherently.
“You look so beautiful, baby. So beautiful on my cock.”
She is moaning now. Loud. So loud. And she’s digging her nails into his chest as she rides him. Her fingers on her clit press firmly and he feels her clenching around him as she starts to come.
“Colin… god!…”
“Fuck, you feel amazing. You look amazing. Pen. Oh. My Pen… my Pen… mine!!”
And he follows her, tumbling over the edge as comes deep inside her.
She slumps down onto him and he wraps his arms around her. Kissing every part of her he can reach, but being completely pinned by her. He loves the sensation. Her tiny body almost enveloping him.
They lay there like that until he realises she’s fallen asleep on top of him.
And fuck, he loves that too.
Eventually he rolls her lightly, so she’s at his side, and they stay like that for an hour while Penelope snoozes beside him.
But Colin is buzzing too much to sleep. His head is filled with a million thoughts and plans – every one of them about her. His perfect girl by his side.
He has never felt so blissed out in all his life.
He reaches for his phone and gets to work.
“What are you doing?” Penelope asks sleepily after some time, squirming to nestle into his chest. He pulls her close and kisses the top of her head.
“Ordering replacements.”
“Replacements?” she kisses his chest, rubbing her face lightly against his chest hair.
“If I order them now they’ll be waiting for us when we get home. You’d better check I got the right ones. Jessica, Victoria, and Annie are in the basket. I’m just choosing a new Albert. They do all sorts of colours, do you prefer black? And I’ll get a… Grace, Georgia or Genevieve… but please, I beg you, can we not call it Gregory?”
She’s quiet for a moment.
“They’ll be waiting for us?” she asks tentatively. “You want to…?”
Colin looks down from his phone. God, she’s so cute. Curled up beside him, in his t-shirt, after blowing his goddamn mind and she’s nervously checking if he wants to… wait what is she even asking?
“Yes,” he says emphatically. “I’m not sure what the end of your sentence was going to be… but the answer is ‘yes’. Yes, I want to replace all the sex toys, and yes, I want to know how that one with the little hole in it works. Yes, I want to fuck you with that giant black dildo. Yes, I want to hear you moaning my name. Yes, to sleeping naked beside you. Yes, to waking up next to you. Yes, to breakfast in bed. Yes, I want to make love to you morning, noon and night. Yes, I want to make a million plans and they all involve us. Yes. Yes, please.”
She stares at him and she looks so fucking sweet he wants to kiss her all over.
Then his stomach rumbles loudly and they both giggle. He loves her giggle.
“And yes… I want to order room service now.”
She smiles, and her whole face lights up. It makes his chest ache with loving her. And yes, he wants to tell her that too but maybe he’ll give her a moment to let the rest of it sink in.
“Does that cover whatever you were about to ask?”
“Yes,” she says, a shy smile curling the corner of her lips.
“If that’s all ok with you, of course?” he asks, with a matching smile.
“Yes,” she says, leaning in for a kiss.