Work Text:
warm. that's the thing you feel most when you're cuddled in bed with caleb like this, both of you half asleep, your bodies tangled together. he's so warm, and you can feel that with every part of your body that presses against his.
you like lying with your head against his chest. you've never told him why, but you're sure he knows, because he indulges you every time he can feel you worm your way towards your favorite spot. it's proof that he's still alive. proof that he can still keep all those promises he made you as a kid. you can feel the slight movement under his chest as his heart works to pump blood through his system, keeping your caleb with you and not somewhere he can't fly back from.
the steady, rhythmic beat in your ear keeps your frequent nightmares at bay, your body instinctively knowing that it's your caleb's heart that's thumping beneath you. even if you're both asleep, caleb always saves you from your bad dreams when you're with him.
because how can you dream of losing him when he's right there? you can bury your face in his scent, you can feel his chest rising and falling against your cheek, and his arms wrapped tightly around you like he never wants to let go. and his heart is working so hard to keep your caleb alive and in your arms, and it would be disrespectful to ignore its efforts and dream that it had already given up.
you wished for times like these when you were separated from him for so long. winter nights alone by his gravestone, kneeling down in the snow as if you were praying to his memory. as if maybe, just maybe, if you stayed long enough, he would come up behind you and ruffle your hair in the way that always messed it up. maybe if you paid penance for long enough, you would deserve to see him again.
you would fall asleep there, and he never came. you left his resting place with a horrible cough and a fever addling your mind and he wasn't there to take care of you.
jenna told you to take time off work, and all you did was sleep. hoping that if you didn't take medication and let the fever stay, maybe he would come to see you in your dreams. he never came.
when you first saw him on the streets of skyhaven, you completely froze in place. your ears rang and you couldn't see anything but him. surely it had to be a lookalike. surely. you'd been waiting for your caleb for so long and he never came. why would he be here instead of with you?
in the interrogation room, his every attempt to intimidate you under the guise of the colonel would fall upon deaf ears. you were borderline catatonic, unable to process the cruel possibility of meeting a stranger who wore your caleb's skin after so long without him. it took him a long time to coax you back to awareness, and you were so shell-shocked that your mind guided you towards your old routines from before he left you. the muscle memory was ingrained so deep into your bones that you were still performing your side of the show long after your dance partner had left.
which is why you broke down the first time he tried to leave you again. it was morning, and caleb had agreed to let you share his bed that night after you playfully wore down his resistance and he folded for you. when he moved to leave the bed to prepare you breakfast like he used to, you woke up in a panic and grabbed his waist before he could get up.
you wrapped your arms around him as tightly as you could and begged him not to leave you again. it was as if you were pleading for your own life. though, in a sense, you were. if you were to have caleb snatched right out from under you after finally feeling his warmth again, you don't doubt your life would be forfeit as well.
after calming your panic, he told you a story he would often repeat when the two of you were children and you'd come to him after a nightmare. he held your head against his chest, soothing you with the beat of his heart, the breath in his lungs, and the gentle rumble of his voice.
he spent the whole rest of that day holding your hand. anything to keep you from making that grief-stricken expression again. and you make sure to hold tight to your caleb whenever you can. no matter where you are, you never feel fully secure unless you have a firm hold on him. you're sure he knows this, and yet he has never complained. he's happiest when there's a smile on your face, after all. and since he is your sun, he will make sure to shine upon you as often as he can.