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Kelly Severide’s mind is whirling as he gets off the phone with his best friend of twenty years, Matt Casey.
He’s honestly been a mess since the fire and seeing Van Meter, his friend and someone like a father-figure after all these years, in a coma and knowing that he’s probably not going to make it, doesn’t help.
It also doesn’t help that he was kicked off the case or that his wife doesn’t seem interested in the case or what he’s going through. He’d been entirely surprised when Stella and Isaiah (their foster son) had left Cleveland and showed up at the hospital to check on him, but once he gave the update things quickly turned to Isaiah’s mom. It’s not that he doesn’t get it, but when he thinks about the phone call with Casey and the way he had just listened to Severide go on and on about the case and furiousness with getting kicked off the case … it felt off.
Isaiah and his mom are important. He wants to go back to her, it makes sense, but … Severide’s hurting, too, and there’s a part of him that just wanted Stella to see that. To spend more than two minutes on what happened with the case and Van Meter.
He shakes his head. He should probably care more about their foster son and the situation more than Van Meter, but he can’t bring himself to, not when they’ve barely had Isaiah maybe a couple of months with Stella and Isaiah away for the last three or four weeks, and he’s known Van Meter for years. He’s half been his partner in arson investigations when he didn’t have Casey to lean on and he saw a future for him.
A future of fire investigations that he didn’t get the chance to take because Stella practically dragged him back to Chicago kicking and screaming.
He shakes his head as if to clear it.
That’s not really fair, he knows. She’s his wife, she has a right to want to have him near, right?
But then, he looks at Van Meter, a mess of wires and machines. He doesn’t understand any of it, though he should, and he hates that he doesn’t know if he’s getting better or getting worse. That he’s in danger of losing someone else he loves, and he has no idea what’s going to happen. He’s terrified of losing someone else.
He keeps dozing off and on, but there’s no changes every time he wakes. He only wishes there was, he wishes that he could evidence of something getting better, even when he knows the opposite is more likely.
His phone rings and he expects to see Stella but instead finds it reading Casey.
He shouldn’t be surprised, the last thing he’d heard from her was the news about Isaiah’s mom wanting him to go to a family friend instead of them, which, unfortunately, he gets. Nothing’s been confirmed, but it makes sense to him, sadly. He hadn’t reacted quite as upset as Stella had and that seemed to bug her, so he supposes it made sense that she wouldn’t be calling.
Not unless she knew for sure about Isaiah.
Still, he smiles at seeing Casey calling, just like he always does.
“Hey, Case,” Severide answers.
“Hey, you still at the hospital?”
“Oh, uh, yeah,” Severide answers, confused by the question. What does it matter where he is if Casey’s in another state. “Kinda want to be here in case something happens. I should probably be –”
“Right where you’re meant to be. That’s with Van Meter or solving the case.”
“I was kicked off the case, I told you that,” he says, glancing at the case file on the nearby table.
“Yeah? Since when has that ever stopped you?”
He laughs and it’s the first genuine moment of happiness he’s had since this whole thing started. “Yeah, well, I’m stumped anyway. Need my partner and he’s currently unconscious in a hospital bed.”
“Would you settle for your old sometimes-partner?”
He doesn’t just hear the question through the phone but also from the doorway where Casey’s standing, a bag over his shoulder, a brace on his wrist from a mishap with the boys, and an uncertain smile on his face. His hair is longer than he’s ever seen it, and a mess and he’s got a light beard that Severide’s pretty sure he’s never seen before on him, but he looks tired, yet, good.
Not that he cares. All he cares about is the fact that Casey is here.
Severide ends the call and damn near launches himself at him, Casey’s bag dropping to the floor as he opens his arms to catch him.
“What are you – how are you – you’re here,” Severide stutters. He can’t believe it. Although he talks to Casey all of the time, he hadn’t mentioned a planned visit and this is … a pretty big surprise.
“I was in the neighborhood,” Casey offers, a sly smile on his face as he pulls away.
They both know that’s not true, but Severide doesn’t even care as he hugs him, again.
“You didn’t have to come.”
“You needed me,” Casey retorts. “And I wanted to be here for you and Van Meter.”
Severide nods. “In that case, let’s go break some rules and solve this case.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
***
He left word with the nurses to let him know if anything changes with Van Meter and then, he and Casey go on a mission to solve the case.
They start at the scene of the fire.
He’s grateful that even though he asks about the boys and Portland, Casey waves the questions away with a, “We can get caught up after we solve the case. The case is more important.”
He loves that Casey knows him so well, can understand his one-track mind and accepts it in the way that Stella just doesn’t.
Instead, on the ride over Casey reviews the file and they discuss the case.
Inside the scene, they walk through the situation.
“Here’s what I don’t understand,” Casey starts as he makes his way up the stairs. “This guy, he lit up the back and the front stairs, right? He had to set fire to the back then run all the way to the front to set the other one.”
“That’s generally the idea, yeah,” Severide replies. “You going soft in Portland, Case?”
Casey rolls his eyes and laughs, “You do realize that I’m still a firefighter in Portland, right?”
Severide laughs and Casey explains what he’s thinking.
“Well, how long do you think it takes to get from the back to the front?”
Severide shrugs and estimates the distance with his flashlight. “This building is, what? 50 feet long? So, 10, 15 seconds maybe?”
“Well, we know how fast gasoline lights up. Stairwell this small, it would have been a fireball like that,” Casey offers, snapping his fingers. “So how does this guy manage to find the time to set fire to both stairs before getting noticed?”
“That’s a good point, Case,” Severide offers with a smile.
“Clearly I need to get out here more if you’re starting to sound surprised after all of our years on the job together.”
Severide just keeps looking at the scene. He can, but probably won’t, admit just how much he’s missed this man. On the job, at home, in his life.
He’s felt like something has been missing since Casey left. There’s a hole that he hasn’t been able to fill and phone calls just aren’t the same.
He moves to the start of the fire, instead. “Hey, check this out, Case.”
Casey moves to him, eyeing the beginnings of the fire. “Huh, gas doesn’t stain through like that, does it, Sev?”
“Nope. That’s oil. Kerosene, maybe.”
“That would burn a lot slower than gas. Less chance of a fireball.”
Severide nods. “My guess is he used a slurry, maybe three parts oil, one part gasoline.”
“Because the oil is less volatile at first, it’d give them time to light both stairwells and get the hell out of here before anyone noticed,” Casey finishes for him. “Clever of him.”
Severide hums. “Which also makes me think he’s done this before.”
“He probably has.”
“PD wants proof.”
“So… maybe we look at other files down at OFI? I think that’s where we’re gonna find it.”
Severide nods. “Exactly what I was thinking.”
“Then, let’s go.”
***
The files are gathered quickly for them, and despite some people interested in Casey’s sudden appearance in Chicago, he waves them off with focusing more on the case, and honestly, that just really touches Severide even more than Casey jumping on a red-eye and being on the go with him solving this case since he got here.
They make themselves at home amongst the archives, and he says, “I really appreciate you helping out here, Case. Showing up for me like this…”
Casey gives him a smile. “You’re my best friend; I’ll always be here when you need me.”
“You’re so fucking amazing, it’s unfair.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Casey says, laughing and focusing on the files in front of him. “Okay, here’s one, a staircase fire, combo accelerant of gasoline and aliphatic hydrocarbon?”
Severide shakes his head. “That’s paint thinner. It’s probably not our guy.”
“Of course not, that would be too easy.”
Severide laughs even as he puts another file that probably wasn’t their guy to the side.
They continue working and reading the files, separating them into possibilities and only really mentioning interesting potentials and not filling in the space with useless chitchat. Every file makes him lose a little bit of hope that they’ll find this son of a bitch.
He’s frowning as he reads, and he can see a slightly concerned look on Casey’s face.
“You know, you can’t help but wonder how many arsons could be prevented if these people just had a hobby,” Casey says, suddenly.
Severide gives him a look. “Pathology is usually a little bit more complicated than that. You know that.”
Casey shrugs, not looking up from his file. “I mean, I’m just saying, go fishing every once in a while, then maybe burning down something won’t be as important anymore.”
Severide laughs, which is exactly what Casey had been aiming for, and he shoots him a smile. “You should come back and join me in arson investigation. It’d be a lot more entertaining with thoughts like those.”
Of course, life in general would be better with Casey around. He misses him something fierce and just having him sitting across the table from him makes him feel better, like maybe they can solve this – together.
He feels better just having him around.
“Tempting.”
It’s a bit quiet as they keep looking for a bit before Casey says, “Hey, Sev, look at this.”
He takes the offered file. “What is it?”
“I got an unsolved arson case here from 2005. Same MO, combo slurry of gasoline and kerosene.”
That’s promising.
“OFI run any leads on it?”
Casey grins. “They did. And look who’s on the suspect list.”
“That son of a bitch. PD’s gotta see this.”
***
He’s half-surprised that the detective even agrees to meet him and Casey at one of the many Corner Bakery’s (because Casey’s insisting that he eat something, and Severide knows that it’s less about Casey eating and more about taking care of Severide and getting him to eat – he appreciates it).
After introductions, he and Casey begin to talk about what they found until Gerard stops them.
“You’re not even supposed to be on this case, Severide,” Gerard reminds him. “Frankly, I shouldn’t even be talking to you.”
“Look, one thing you should know about Sev is that he’s not going to stop until he solves the case,” Casey states. “And just because he was told to stop doesn’t mean that what we found isn’t helpful.”
“Fine,” Gerard says, looking at the file as they begin to eat, not that Severide’s much interested in eating. Casey has to keep nudging him. “What have you got?”
“Proof that Kevin Moore’s done this before. Using the exact same accelerant as the Cole fire.”
“And why would he …?”
But Severide’s still going. “The target? His girlfriend’s house. Right after she broke up with him.”
“That’s a pattern. He retaliates when he feels wronged,” Casey adds. “And from what Severide’s told me, he felt wronged by Cole.”
Gerard hums. “Why wasn’t he charged before?”
“He had an alibi, the ex-girlfriend.”
“Wait a minute, his alibi was the girlfriend whose house just burnt down?”
It sounds absurd, but considering who his alibi is this time…
“Yeah. Okay. Well, maybe that’s a pattern as well.”
Gerard nods. “I could see that, especially because I got this feeling whenever I interviewed Sheila Moore about Kevin’s alibi for the Cole fire that something was off. Man, she did not seem happy.”
“Well, maybe…”
“If you’re thinking we can flip Sheila Moore, you should know I went at her pretty hard. She didn’t break,” Gerard interrupts.
Severide catches Casey’s eye, and he nods. “Now we got an ace up our sleeve, the ex-girlfriend.”
“From 20 years ago?”
“We’re not looking to reopen the case,” Casey states plainly. “But…”
“I say we take Gina to meet Sheila Moore. Once the ex-wife meets the ex-girlfriend, I say Sheila has a change of heart,” Severide finishes.
“Sounds ideal. Don’t know if it’s possible.”
“Let’s, at least, give it a try.”
“Okay.”
***
“Fuck,” Severide says as they’re on their way to the police station. Casey had convinced him to call Stella back since she’d called three times while they were at the café, and it was bad news.
Isaiah was leaving.
And yeah, he knew that was possible, maybe even very likely, but he was more angry that Stella was giving him shit for not being there to stop it from happening and putting it all on her. He knew that he should’ve showed up, that might’ve made it more difficult if it was two parents instead of one, but he also knows that there wasn’t anything his presence would’ve really done – it sure as hell wasn’t going to change the mother’s decision or DCFS’ decision and… Van Meter needed him.
The case needed him.
And truthfully? He needed to solve this case. It was important. It wasn’t some random case; this arsonist nearly killed him and Van Meter.
“Sev, you alright?”
“I told you about the foster kid, right?”
Casey hums. “Yeah, you mentioned the mom was at a place in Cleveland? That’s where Stella’s been for the last month?”
“Yeah, well, the mom is somehow awake and communicating even though she can’t talk, and she wants him to go to a family friend.”
“I’m sorry, that sucks,” Casey says, sympathetically. “I know what that’s like. It hurts because you never meant to get attached and yet, how can you not?”
“Louie?”
“Yeah, him, too, but the boys. When Heather got out the first time,” Casey explains. “Took them to Florida with barely a goodbye.”
He’d forgotten about that. It still pisses him off how Heather managed to ruin her boys’ lives and take Casey away from him. If Casey had just been allowed to raise them in Chicago things might be different… maybe he could be raising the boys with Casey.
But he can hear the heartache in Casey’s voice, and he understands a little bit more way he’d had such an easy time moving to Portland for the boys. He probably thought if he’d somehow stopped her…
He shakes his head. “How’d you deal with it?”
“I grieved the loss like any other loss because that’s what it was, and I reminded myself that although I love them, they weren’t my kids, and it was always temporary. Sure, it was sudden, I had expected to have them for another year, but I always knew that it was coming, and I could and should love them for as long as I had them, but they were never mine to keep.”
He pauses and then, adds, “Theoretically, going with Heather was what was best for them. It should’ve been and I completely understood why she needed to get out of Chicago, hell, aside from missing you – getting out of Chicago has been good for me, too, but it turned out that maybe I should’ve checked in on them. Maybe if I had, things would’ve been different. But at the time, I thought and believed that being with their mother was what was best for them.”
Severide nods. He gets that. They’ve talked about it a lot whenever Casey wondered if he was handling the boys the right way. If he was making the right decisions for them. He wanted to make up for not being there or checking in with Heather and them while they were in Florida (and elsewhere).
“I do care about him even though I wasn’t too sure about this fostering thing since I tried to remember that he wasn’t mine to keep but…”
“But you can’t let your feelings interfere with what’s best for him. Just like I couldn’t when it came to the boys or Louie. And you have to think about what is best for him not you or Stella, that’s what being a parent means.”
Severide nods. Even though he didn’t have the best parents and neither did Casey, he knows Casey’s right. And Casey is somehow the poster boy for good parenting despite all that.
He has to let the kid go. It’s what’s best for him.
“And what’s best for him is this family friend rather than with two strangers that have dangerous jobs.”
Casey nods, solemnly. “Typically, family is the answer. It doesn’t always work like what happened with the boys and Heather but just like moving to Portland was the right choice…”
“Letting him go is the right choice. So, he can be with someone he knows, and close to his mom.”
He knows it in his heart.
Casey nods. “Not that our choices matter much, in the grand scheme of things.”
He rolls his eyes. “Right, DCFS already approved the change to this family friend.”
“When’s he leaving?”
He looks at his watch as they pull into 21. “Six.”
He has to make a choice here because he knows that he can’t be in both places at once, but he wants to close this case…
“Let me take care of things here, you go say goodbye to him,” Casey states, firmly, as if he knows Severide’s conflicted.
“I wanna make sure –”
“Do you trust me, Sev?”
“You know I do,” Severide retorts, almost offended at the question. There’s no one he trusts more, not even Stella, oddly enough.
“Then trust me to solve this case with Gerard and go say goodbye to Isaiah. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
Severide shakes his head. “You’re the fucking best, you know that?”
“I try,” Casey says, with a grin. He gets out of the car and says, “I’ll keep you updated, but you’re going to be late if you don’t leave right now.”
“Thanks, Case,” he says as he moves away from the car.
“Go! You’re going to be late.”
“I’m going, I’m going!”
***
The goodbye was harder than he thought – not helped by the fact that Stella was clearly angry with him.
He did care for Isaiah, he did, but the truth was that was nothing that they could or should do to stop this situation. Especially not after hearing Casey’s view on the subject. If anyone would understand the importance of this, he would.
He knows that he cut it close, but they did get to say goodbye and he did promise that if he wanted them to visit that they would.
He thinks that maybe he and Stella should take some time together, he probably owes her an apology, especially now that it was confirmed via text from Casey that they got the guy.
Just as he’s about to answer the text, Stella says, “Uh, well, I promised Pascal that I would get a report done by the end of day so I’m going to head back to 51.”
“Wait, you’re just going to head back to 51 now?” Severide asks.
She hadn’t even asked about the case or Van Meter or how Severide’s doing, he hasn’t even gotten to tell her that Casey’s in town.
“Yeah, I got work to do,” she says, offhandedly. She kisses his cheek and walks away before he can even think to say anything that can stop her.
“Okay…”
He’s staring after her for a second, he probably fucked up with her, and while he could try and fix it, force them to talk about it, he realizes that he doesn’t want to. Instead, he finds himself calling Casey.
“Hey, Sev, get my text?”
“Yup. That’s great that we got him.”
It’s honestly such a relief. At least if the worst happens, the guy didn’t get away with it.
“You did it, Sev. You’re the one that doesn’t give up.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you, though.”
He should probably offer Casey a place to crash or some food or something, but he really just wants to check on Van Meter.
“Wanna meet me at the hospital? Check in on him?” Casey asks as if he can read his mind.
“Sounds great, and then, I owe you a beer.”
“And a smoke.”
“Deal.”
***
Severide grins as they received news the Van Meter was on the mend, still in a coma, but looking a lot better than he’d been. The odds, the chances, they were better, now and he can’t help smiling at that.
It helps just as much as knowing that they caught the guy.
They stay and talk to him a bit, even though he hasn’t woken from the coma before Severide says, “Alright, think it’s time for a visit to Molly’s? Everyone’s going to be thrilled to see you.”
“Ten bucks says that they freeze for a second like they can’t believe their eyes the way you did,” Casey teases as they get up to head out.
“Let’s be real, you’re meant to be 2000 miles away – it’s normal to …”
“Jump on a plane in the middle of the night and show up where you’re holding a bedside vigil?” Casey jokes. “Yeah, well, I don’t think you realized the time – which admittedly was like two hours later here – and I knew you needed support.”
“What about the boys?” Severide asks as they get in the elevator. He should’ve asked sooner (or Casey should’ve told him), but he’s glad they waited because now he can give it his full attention.
Casey laughs and shakes his head. “So, we were chatting – it’s one in the morning and I’m trying to keep it down because, well, the boys need sleep, but Griffin comes out of his room and just kind of leans in the doorway listening.”
He could picture it – Griffin watching Casey and looking so much like Andy, it’s uncanny. The kid already way more grown-up than he should be since he had to take care of Ben for weeks before he flew to Casey at fourteen asking for help.
“I didn’t even notice at first, but when you decided to let me go – even though I would’ve continued talking all night long – he says, sounds like Uncle Kelly is going through a rough time which made me jump because I thought he was sleeping. And well, if he hadn’t gone through all of the shit he’d been through, I probably would’ve denied it, but I didn’t. He’d pieced it together anyway. And I told him that it was hard because if I was still here, I would’ve been by your side helping you, but I got the boys, you know?”
“And yet, you’re here.”
Casey laughs as they head to the car. “Griffin reminded me that the boys have a school trip they were leaving for in the morning, and that there was no reason that I shouldn’t do what I wanted to do just to be alone in Portland and I tried to be responsible and argue –”
“I’m guessing that didn’t work,” Severide teases as they get into the car.
Casey rolls his eyes. “The kid is truly Andy’s kid because he booked me a ticket while I was arguing with him that I had to be responsible and said you do realize that I can handle things for one morning, did it for a while, alone.”
“And you couldn’t argue with that,” Severide says, knowingly.
“I was half-arguing anyway,” Casey admits. “I wanted to be here, but I didn’t want to fail the boys. I already failed them once, you know? At least as far as I’m concerned.”
Severide understands. “Well, thank Griffin for me. Kid was right – I haven’t had such a good day in a long time.”
Casey gives him a smile. “Will do.”
***
On the way to Molly’s, Severide stopped to get a couple of Cubans and despite Casey arguing to pay for his, Severide pays for it.
And as they’re about to enter Molly’s, he says, “And don’t even think about trying to pay for drinks tonight, either. They’re on me –”
“You don’t have to –”
“I know that,” Severide states. “I want to.”
Casey opens the door and let’s Severide go first.
Herrmann, Mouch, Cruz, everyone’s here except Stella.
“Hey, Severide, how –” Cruz starts, but then is drowned out by Herrmann’s, “CASEY?” which gets everyone’s attention.
Casey’s grinning, eyes alight in a way that tells everyone that he may have missed them, too. Not as much as Severide, of course, but he does miss them, too, Severide’s sure of that.
He tells a less detailed story about how he heard about the fire and Van Meter and wanted to help Severide solve the case, and how the boys had a school trip, so it worked out.
“Guess that means that the case is solved?” Mouch asks after he jokes that Trudy had claimed to have spotted Casey, but Mouch hadn’t believed her.
“Of course it is,” Herrmann chimes in. “Those two wouldn’t be here if they hadn’t.”
Severide and Casey both grin. “Absolutely. I had to convince him to have Gerard meet us at one of the Corner Bakeries so that he’d eat something.”
Severide sticks his tongue out at him, causing him to laugh.
“And that’s just one of the many reasons why his drinks are on me tonight,” Severide offers as Herrmann hands them both a beer.
“And here, I was going to offer him free drinks, but if you’re paying – that’s off the table.”
Casey bursts out laughing. “Herrmann offering free drinks, ever, you sure you’re not sick?”
“I let Mouch have free drinks,” Herrmann counters as everyone laughs.
“To be fair, that was a simple arrangement to keep my favorite bar open. Technically, I paid a lot for these drinks,” Mouch retorts.
There’s jokes and teasing, and with Casey beside him it feels almost like the good old days.
He’s missed this.
It’s a good night.
***
They slept in the next day. Stella was either not at the loft or entirely oblivious to the fact that Casey is in Chicago.
He’s assuming it’s the first since he can’t imagine that she completely missed Casey asleep on the couch (even though he could’ve slept in his old room). That there was no evidence of coffee or breakfast before he and Casey wake up and Casey moves to start making breakfast and coffee as if he never left and is right at home.
“You’re making breakfast?”
Casey laughs. “Sorry, force of habit.”
Still, he offers him a cup of coffee which is somehow exactly how he likes it, which it’s done.
“So, you make breakfast for the boys every day?”
“I try to,” Casey offers. “It’s a small thing, but it’s something to help take care of them. Yeah, they could eat cereal or bagel or something, but they’ve spent so long…”
Severide nods. That makes sense given how he wished he’d had that at their age. It’s amazing that he managed to avoid the system himself given his father dipping out and his mom zoning out. “I get that. They’re old enough to take care of themselves, but it’s nice to have a parent that cares.”
“It was something I wish I had at their age,” Casey admits.
He focuses on cooking as Severide just watches. He’s not on watch, today, and he knows that with the case solved, it would make sense if Casey wanted to head home. Sadly… his home isn’t here. Not anymore.
“You’ve come to like Portland, then?”
“It’s been good for me.”
“How so?”
Casey shakes his head. “It’s hard to explain because there was so much I loved about Chicago and 51 and the life I had here, but in a way, I think I was drowning, and I didn’t know.”
Severide frowns. “How do you mean?”
“For most of the last decade I was here, it felt like I was cursed. I only ever got to be happy here intermittently.”
Severide’s still frowning. Even though it makes some sense: Andy’s loss, everything with Voight, Hallie, then the Dawson of it all.
Severide never did understand why Casey had a thing for her to the point of making himself miserable just to be with her.
Still…
“Cursed? You believe that you were cursed?”
Casey shrugs as he offers him some pancakes and bacon. “I don’t believe in curses, but if there’s one thing I’ve realized since moving and having the space to breathe and not have memories of Andy and Hallie and Dawson haunting me, it’s that I was really weighed down by everything. I went through a lot of shit.”
Severide nods. He, himself, had gone through some of the same shit or his version of the same shit. Everything Renee and the baby, losing Shay, everything with Stella now…
“And getting away helped?”
Casey nods. “I think … I think that if I had taken a break – maybe just spent a couple of weeks out of the city and away from everything, I would’ve seen that Dawson was never any good for me and that I shouldn’t have pined for her for so long.”
“Well, I could’ve told you that.”
“Yet, you didn’t.”
“I did tell you that it wasn’t fair to you to have her on your Truck after breaking up with you and encouraged you to move on.”
“Fair,” Casey agrees. “And I was a lot happier when she took off and I lived with you, but I – I was trapped in a way. Seeing her all the time, so the breakup was never going to last. Not until she left me, and I could start to branch away from it all. You helped with that – living with you here. That was good.”
“But you’re even more happy in Portland?” Severide asks, almost afraid of the answer. There had been a part of him that was really hoping Casey would come back to Chicago someday (the selfish part), but if Casey’s happier in Portland…
Casey looks a bit hesitant, but says, “There’s a part of me that feels like I have everything I ever wanted in Portland – no partner, but I have the boys, I’ve got a job I love, and I don’t constantly feel like the sad sack that drinks at his ex-wife’s bar every night, stuck in the same place I was a decade earlier.”
“Case,” Severide says, softly. He has no words to describe how it makes him feel to know that Casey feels this way about Chicago.
“Of course, there are downsides – I miss Chicago, I miss my best friend.”
“You miss me?” Severide teases, trying to inject levity into the situation.
“No, Cruz, he’s clearly my best friend,” Casey jokes.
“Ha! I think he’d rather be my best friend than yours. He certainly keeps trying, anyway.”
Casey laughs. “Yeah, I think he always thought you were so cool, if only he knew that you weren’t.”
“Oh!” Severide yells, playfully offended.
They’re both smiling and laughing and having a good moment as they eat their food. It’s his favorite thing about their friendship; just how easy this is – to go back and forth from sad to silly like it’s nothing.
It’s great.
***
After breakfast, which they kept joking and teasing, they visited Van Meter. He was doing much better and with his daughter there to visit him, Severide had chosen to take Casey to his favorite haunts as he had an early flight the next morning, so it’s his last day in Chicago.
It’s as they’re enjoying the cigars by the water, that Severide asks, “Can I confess something?”
“It’s a cigar chat, you can tell me all your deepest darkest secrets, and I’ll be here to listen.”
His eyes are bright and glinting as he teases, and it never fails to make Severide smile.
He laughs. “You’re ridiculous.”
“And you obviously want to share something, so have at it.”
He takes a draw on his cigar before he says, “I don’t want to be my father –”
“You’re nothing like him, Sev.”
“Yeah, but what I mean is…” he stops for a second, causing Casey to look at him, concerned.
“Just because you’re a firefighter that is good at fire investigations doesn’t mean that you’re him.”
“… no, no. I have done everything to stand out from behind his shadow at work, it’s relationships I’m worried about.”
“Oh?”
Severide nods, and then, before he knows it, he’s talking about everything with Stella and him. The way she took off for Girls on Fire and didn’t talk to him for months. The way that she’d given him such a hard time when he did the same thing because there was a freedom that he hadn’t expected to have or to feel after so long. He’d been so happy at the prospect of the offer that Van Meter had given him that he hadn’t even wanted to come back to Chicago (it helped that he’d already been missing Casey something fierce before he left).
And yet, he did come back.
He came back and tried to be a good husband, but every time he had a case, she acted like he was cheating or something and the truth is… Squad may not be doing it for him anymore, and there’s a part of him that wants to move to OFI full-time.
“… I just I feel like I’d be choosing the job over the possibility of a family or even just my partner, which is exactly what my father did and he – he ended up a mess and alone. Gave everything to the job and then…”
Casey reaches over and squeezes his shoulder. “If there was one thing that I could’ve used when I was questioning everything with Dawson, it’s someone to tell me that it’s okay. It’s okay to question things, it’s okay to take a break and reassess your own happiness, and it’s okay to step away from the thing that makes you unhappy. It doesn’t mean that you’re a failure or like your father, it just means that you’re doing what’s right for you.”
Severide raises his eyebrows at him. “You think I should get a divorce, but the day of the wedding –”
“I want you to be happy, Sev,” Casey interjects. “I thought she made you happy, and I want that for you. And I’m not saying that she doesn’t make you happy, but it’s pretty clear to me that something is off, and I think it might help you to… take a break for a while. Go to the cabin or go for a drive and find out what you really want and then, make the choice that will make you happiest.”
“That’s a pretty good idea.”
“I’m full of them,” Casey teases, nudging him as he finishes his cigar. “The only thing that I would suggest is that you don’t make a decision while you’re grieving or dealing with something difficult. Between the miscarriage, your foster son and Van Meter… you need time to process that before you make a decision that will change your life.”
Severide nods. Casey has given him a lot to think about, and he knows that he’s right, any choice he makes right now is going to be colored in grief and he needs to process everything and then make a decision.
“Thanks, Case,” he says, giving him a hug. “I appreciate the advice.”
“I am happy to give it to you anytime you like.”
“Good.”
***
Casey goes home. He’s needed in Portland.
Severide has to stay. He’s made for Chicago and 51.
Van Meter wakes up and the first person Severide calls is Casey, who’s thrilled for him, for both of them. He knows that Severide would’ve been devastated if he had lost Van Meter, too.
Life moves on. Begins to settle.
Severide can tell that something has changed with Stella. Maybe it’s him, maybe it’s her, or maybe everything that’s happened just isn’t fitting them anymore.
He tries to talk to her – admittedly not as hard as he probably should.
Ends up avoiding her and spending more time at Molly’s (when she isn’t working) or the Firehouse than at home. Sometimes even going to OFI to help out the healing Van Meter. He calls Casey all of the time, talking to him more than Stella.
Herrmann keeps giving him looks and as he ends another call with Casey while sitting at the end of the bar nearly two months later, Herrmann says, “You know, you look a helluva a lot happier when you’re talking to or about Casey than you’ve ever been with Stella. Wanna talk about it?”
Severide shakes his head. “He’s my best friend; there’s nothing to talk about.”
Herrmann gives him a look. “You know, when I first took over Casey’s office, you reacted pretty passionately about things.”
“You weren’t being considerate!”
“Sure, I wasn’t,” Herrmann scoffs. “But remember we tried the whole cigar thing – I told you that I got what Casey meant to you, what he means to you. I wasn’t trying to replace him, and the truth is that no one can replace him.” Herrmann glances over at Cruz and says, “He’s tried, obviously, but I think what happened with the case and Van Meter really proved that you two have something pretty unique.”
Severide shrugs. “Yeah, I mean, he’s Casey. We’ve been best friends a long time.”
Herrmann shakes his head like he thinks Severide’s being dumb about something.
“All I’m saying is that if it were me and Mouch in that situation with Van Meter that I wouldn’t have expected him to do what Casey did.”
“And that was a surprise. I didn’t know that he was going to do that.”
“But if the roles were reversed…”
“I would do the same in a heartbeat,” Severide offers, and he means it. If something happened and Casey needed him (even if he would never tell him), he would be there just as quickly as Casey was for him. “He’s my best friend.”
“And yet, if it were me and Mouch, I doubt either of us would’ve done that.”
Severide shrugs. He’s not sure what he’s trying to say here.
“But if it were Cindy, and we were in a long-distance relationship… I would.”
Severide narrows his eyes. “Herrmann, you know I’m married… to Stella.”
“I do. Do you?” Herrmann questions. “Because if I didn’t know any better, I’d say Casey was your husband.”
“I’m not in love with Casey,” he states, quickly.
Herrmann doesn’t look like he believes him.
“I’m not – I’m not.”
“If you say so.”
***
Severide hasn’t stopped thinking about that talk with Herrmann.
Every time that he lights up at Casey’s name on his phone, and dreads moments where he’s faced with Stella, he thinks about it.
He finally takes Casey’s advice to get away for a bit.
It’s nice, it’s peaceful.
He turns off his phone. He goes fishing. He chops some wood. He lays out under the stars, and he thinks about his life.
He knows deep down that he’s no longer happy with Squad. A part of him probably hasn’t been all that happy with Squad for some time. The OFI cases he’s done has been way more interesting in recent years and he loved his trip to Arizona and the ATF training opportunity.
Coming back after that had been when he started to love Squad even less. He always jumped at the chance to work a case with Van Meter after that, even if it drove Stella nuts that he wanted to work fire investigation more than at 51.
Being at 51 always bothered him after that, and he finally realizes why.
51 was always the home to him, Andy, and Casey. He grew to love others, and things had certainly changed after Andy passed, but Casey had always been there. He barely even knew any time without him there, aside from brief shifts without him due to injuries or illnesses.
Maybe that’s why 51 hasn’t felt right since he left.
And he knows that he needs to move on from there. It’s begun to haunt him the way that it haunted Casey and he needed to get away.
Needed to follow his new passion, even if it means leaving Squad behind for fire investigation.
***
Van Meter tells him that the ATF job is still interested him, which is lucky. It involves some travel, but he could work out of any field office in any major city… including Portland.
The second that he hears that, he knows it’s what he wants.
The chance to be with his best friend. With Andy’s boys.
Away from Chicago.
It’s not home anymore.
But … he’s still married.
So, he comes home to the loft, which doesn’t feel like home, after the talk with ATF and Van Meter, to Stella waiting on him.
There’s paperwork on the counter.
She looks upset but resigned.
“Uh, hey, Stella, there’s something I need to talk to you about –”
“Kelly, we need to get a divorce,” Stella states, cutting him off.
“Divorce?” he blinks.
He’d known that was probably where this was heading, he’d barely talked to her in months and there’s no way that she hasn’t felt it, too. That they weren’t working out.
Stella nods, solemnly. “I think we both know that your heart isn’t here, Kelly. It probably hasn’t been in a long time. I think it belongs to someone else, and I don’t want to keep either of us in an unhappy marriage.”
“I … don’t know what to say.”
‘There’s nothing to say, I loved you and I know you loved me for a while, but we’re just not working.”
Severide looks down at the paperwork. She already signed it.
“I did love you,” Severide states as he signs the paperwork.
“You just love him more.”
She doesn’t have to say who he is, they both know.
“I didn’t even realize…”
She gives him a soft smile. “Sometimes we don’t realize what’s right in front of us until it’s gone. Maybe all that avoiding the firehouse should’ve been a sign.”
“Yeah, it probably was.”
***
His car is packed.
His last shift at the firehouse had been the day before.
Tonight was the goodbye party at Molly’s.
And in the morning, he’d be driving home – to where his heart lies.
He only hopes that Casey feels the same way.
His worries must show on his face because everyone at the party keeps assuring him that Casey’s been in love with him for some time.
Mouch and Kidd tease that it should’ve been obvious with the way they always seemed to communicate without words.
Brett and Voilet tell him that he chose to continue living with Severide long after he had the money to get his own place because in his own words Severide won’t admit it, but I think he needs me, and I need him.
Cruz tells him that it’s become more obvious that he could never be the best friend that Casey was to Severide because Casey would clearly do things to Severide that Cruz couldn’t do.
Van Meter tells him that he always saw a spark between them that he had only ever seen with true love. Boden tells him that he’d been half-tempted to shove them in a closet together to make up every time they fought.
Tony and Capp insist that would’ve made Severide less of a grouch if it had worked the way Boden’s suggesting. (Though Severide knows that neither of them would’ve been ready for that had Boden followed through).
Herrmann tells him that he hasn’t seen that look in their eyes as he had when Casey came three months ago, and if he’s wrong about Casey’s feelings, he’ll give out free beer to the whole firehouse for a year.
Severide flushes at the confidence, but it feels good.
It feels right.
Maybe it took twenty years, but he knows this is right.
“Go on, Severide. Follow your heart to Portland and let us know when the wedding is – you’ll definitely be having it here in Chicago or so help me, I’ll sick Cindy on you.”
He laughs, but he’s grinning. “I’ll be sure to update you all on what happens.”
“Good.”
***
Two days of driving.
Two days of feeling that insecurity slip in.
He never told Casey that this was his plan.
In fact, Casey knows that he’s doing fire investigation for ATF, and that he divorced Stella, but nothing else.
He was too nervous to tell him his grand plan to follow him to Portland and hope that he loves him, too.
He’s got a whole speech in his head about how he’s realized that he’s fallen in love with his best friend, and he hopes that Casey loves him, too, that runs through his mind as he walks up to the door and hesitates.
He needs this to go well.
He can’t ruin what they have.
“I’m just saying – don’t you want him to?” Griffin’s voice wafts through the open window. “You’ve been in love with him for years.”
He freezes outside the door. Is that true?
“I’m not saying that I don’t, Grif.”
“Then, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that my life isn’t a rom-com. The kind of thing where your best friend of twenty years shows up on your doorstep to proclaim that they’re madly in love with you and you get a happily ever after isn’t real life. It’s fiction. Life doesn’t work that way.”
“Who says it’s can’t be?”
Severide takes the opportunity to knock because he’s heard enough.
Casey opens the door in less than five seconds and his grin is one of surprise and delight.
“Sev? What are you doing here?”
“I was in the neighborhood,” Severide offers, not really explaining.
Instead, he grabs Casey’s face and kisses him.
Casey’s mouth drops open in surprise, but he recovers quickly as he wraps his arms around his waist and deepens the kiss.
It’s the best kiss he thinks he’s ever had or maybe it’s just the right person.
The softness, the taste of maple syrup and bacon, the way they melt together as if this was where they were always headed. He lets his hands slide from his cheeks to his hair and around his neck.
He honestly doesn’t want to ever stop kissing, but there’s a cough from inside the room, and he remembers there’s two teenage boys watching them.
So, they break the kiss, and he has an opportunity for his big speech, but instead, he says, “Marry me?”
“What?” Casey asks in surprise, whereas Griffin says, “And who says real life can’t be like a rom-com?”
Casey gives Griffin a look before he looks back at Severide. “You serious?”
“I – well, I had this whole speech, and I really just wanted to see if you liked me back, but yeah – I’m serious. I’m in love with you, Case. I’ve – I didn’t know it – like consciously, but like, I think missing you so much and talking to you all the time, and just the way I didn’t love 51 the same way… I’m never as happy as when it’s been the two of us and I – yeah. You’ve been far away for far too long and I – we could just date – I guess – but I mean it – marry me?”
Casey doesn’t even hesitate.
“Yes.”
The word is barely out of his mouth before they’re kissing, again, and he vaguely hears Griffin suggest that he and Ben go for a ride or something, when he realizes that he’s being rude.
They’re both flushing when they break apart, the boys are grinning at them, though. Clearly, they’re happy for them.
“In case you couldn’t tell, he’s been pining something terrible for you,” Ben snarks.
“Okay, smartass, don’t you have homework to do?”
“Uncle Kelly just got here – I’m sure he wants to visit with us, too. Not just suck face with you.”
“I don’t know about that, I’m not sure he even noticed we were here,” Griffin offers, a shit-eating grin on his face. “And after all that time pining, he might prefer to just –”
“Okay,” Casey coughs, interrupting him. “Why don’t we go out to dinner and catch up instead?”
“I thought you were going to make my favorite dinner?” Ben pouts.
“I’m pretty sure there’ll be a lot less sucking face if we’re out to dinner,” Griffin offers, smirk on his face.
“Oh – good point. Let’s go out instead.”
He looks so much like Andy, he could just imagine how Andy would’ve taken the piss out of them by joking the same way.
He definitely missed out.
Severide’s laughing and Casey’s shaking his head.
“Go get your coats.”
“It’s not that cold –”
“Just do it.”
Both boys disappear and Casey turns back to him.
“So, uh, the joys of raising teenage boys, huh?”
“Yeah, they’re all sorts of fun,” Casey states. “Uh, it might have something to do with the move out here making me realize that I … really fucking missed you, a lot more than a friend would and I – I never thought that you could… feel the same way?”
“Thought you were cursed in Chicago, bet this felt like an extension of that.”
“In a way, yes, but I have never been more glad to be wrong.”
Severide leans forward and gives him a soft, brief kiss. “By the way, Herrmann said he’ll sic Cindy on us if we don’t have the wedding in Chicago, just so you know and before you ask – he was so confident that you felt the same way that he was willing to offer the entire house free beer for a year at Molly’s.”
Casey flushes. “Yeah, he, uh, might’ve had an in there. He, uh, said something while I was in Chicago for the case, and I more or less admitted it.”
Severide laughs. “Should’ve realized that he was way too confident.”
“Yeah, well, it’s still nice that he has confidence in us.”
“Yeah.”
He steals another kiss just as the boys come back.
“So, you going to tell us the whole rom-com story?” Griffin questions. “Since apparently real life is like a rom com?”
Casey rolls his eyes and Severide laughs.
“I’d be happy to tell you.”
***
Three years later.
Despite the teasing about a real life rom-com, Casey has to admit that he would never complain about things working out. He and Severide had quite happily gotten married that summer in Chicago (Cindy had done a wonderful job planning it), the boys were thrilled to give speeches that utterly embarrassed Casey, but it was still one of the best nights of his life.
Life’s only gotten better as he finally has everything he’s ever wanted – a job he loves, kids he loves, and a husband he loves.
He never thought when he moved away to Portland to raise the boys that this is where he’d end up, but he couldn’t be happier.
Getting away was good for him – good for them, but now, they’ve been far away for far too long and it’s time to return home to Chicago.
Severide as Captain of OFI now that Van Meter has retired, and Casey as Battalion Chief of 51. After all of the time away and healing, it feels right to finally return now that the boys are going to college in Chicago.
“Are we ready for this? Going back to the CFD, being back in Chicago?” Severide asks as he wraps his arms around Casey’s waist as he hangs up their clothes.
Things are still a little messy from the move, but the drive took a little longer than originally planned due to stopping for the sights. It was the last trip as the four of them with the boys officially off to college.
“You’re asking this now? As if we haven’t already moved across the country and accepted our new roles?” Casey asks, turning around in his arms and wrapping his arms around his neck.
Severide laughs. “Yeah, I just – it never hurts to ask.”
“I’m ready – it’s time to come home.”
“As long as your home is always with me, I’m good.”
“Always, Sev, always.”