Chapter Text
Jennie and Lisa have been part of each other’s life since almost the beginning.
It starts at the very bloom of adolescence, at the verge of a journey that would take them to a peak they’ve never imagined reaching themselves.
Jennie is young, but the burden of success is already on her shoulders. YG princess. Killer performer. The unpolished gem of an immaculate idol. She has flown all her way back from New Zealand to conquer, and she spends her trainee days doing exactly that: engaging in a painful competition against a thousand other girls, and most importantly-herself.
Lisa has gotten on a plane with a small bag and her flooding talent. She is sharp when she has to, soft when the songs asks for it, clever in the decisions she makes. She quickly aces every weekly test, acknowledging the weight of her chance. It could mean everything. She could debut under a firm, see her face plastered in advertisements everywhere, make her parents proud.
She is also, at the very beginning, extremely lonely.
Lisa is Thai, born and half-way raised. Her knowledge of Korean is certainly limited. She spends hours studying it, among other foreign trainees, but between the exhaustion of her regular classes and the extra hours she pours into dancing, the words melt into her brain before she can process them. She needs to talk, and the truth is, not everyone seems willing to. In the atmosphere of the race to debut, Lisa is as talented as she’s threatening. It’s all Lisa can see- guarded stares, the grimaces on their mouth, the soft whispers around her. Sometimes, she’s almost glad she doesn’t understand.
She’s not quite used to eating on her own around so many not-alone people, so she delays it as much as she can. At night, she grabs a sandwich and munches it swallowing bitter tears, swearing to herself that it is all worth it, that the brightness of stardom will disintegrate each hurtful moment.
Then, a figure sits right across her.
Lisa chokes on her sandwich. Jennie Kim stares at her amusedly. Jennie Kim. The rumours about her are as many and as colourful that they have reached even Lisa herself. Set to be the queen. Favoured by the judges. Mean, then nice, then too extroverted, then too introverted. Lisa doesn’t know whether she’s not understanding all of that correctly, or people talk about Jennie way more than they even know about her.
“Annyeong[i]”, Jennie says simply, her eyebrow still raised. The first thing Lisa can think about is how painfully gorgeous she is, with her soft features contrasting sharply with the shape of her eyes. Then, she realizes that she has to answer.
“Annyeong[ii]”, she tries, with a thick accent. Lisa blushes before knowing why, and Jennie’s expression melts immediately.
“Wae ileohge neujge sigsaleul haseyo?[iii]” Jennie’s voice is soft and her vowels are rounded. She speaks lowly, but with confidence. Lisa yearns to understand, and she tries. She purses her lip in concentration.
“Hunlyeon-i neujge… kkeutnass-eoyo[iv]” She knows she’s butchering the words by the way Jennie stares at her in perplexity and then attempts to hide a soft grin in the corners of her mouth.
Lisa looks down, frustrated. There’s so much she could say, so many ideas, bottled down in her throat, burning. She’s really smart. She is. She just- cannot find the correct words. She has been struggling with the same issue for a few months already, and it has started to take a toll in her.
“Do you lie better in English?
Lisa’s eyes jump to meet Jennie’s. She’s staring at her relaxed, smiling, both elbows on the table.
English is strictly forbidden. Those are the rules. Idols are supposed to communicate with each other only in Korean the moment they set foot in the company. The consequences of breaking the rules may vary- from humiliating scolding to direct expulsion.
Yet Jennie is looking at her with her shoulders down, breathing quietly, assessing her reaction. And she’s giving her that gaze, unwavering, so absolutely devastating, that Lisa shortcuts for a moment.
“I…I…” she stutters, “what?”
Jennie chuckles then, in a husky, velvety sound.
“Practice ended hours ago. You never eat in the cafeteria. You’re clearly lying”.
Lisa tilts her head to her side. Jennie noticed. Well, of course she would. If someone was half a step away from debuting, that’s Jennie. If she’s the incipient, merciless star the trainees claim she is, she’s probably keeping track of the rest of the possible debutees.
This fact, instead of annoying Lisa, makes her gain an ounce of respect for the girl in front of her. That, and the fact that she is risking her entire career by choosing to speak to her.
“I’m bad at Korean….” Lisa smiles, her cheeks flushed, “clearly. I cannot really talk to anybody here. It’s awkward”.
Jennie hums softly, considering.
“I see” She makes a pause, hesitant for the first time, but then her expression shows resolution. “You know, the other trainees think you don’t show up for lunch because you are plotting”.
Lisa has the grace of gasping, surprised.
“Me? Plotting?” She crosses her arms, somewhat offended. “I can barely plan my survival myself here!”
And then, Jennie laughs, open and deep. Lisa cannot help but to smile at the sound. She thinks, somewhere deep inside her, that she wants to hear it again.
“Emotions here are intense. We are all going a bit insane”, Jennie says then, running her hand through her hair. “Rumours are bound to happen. I know the kind of shit they say about me”.
Lisa winces. She can hear the anguishing tone hidden in Jennie’s lightness. She seems tough, yet there’s a light of tenderness in her eyes that makes Lisa want to embrace her immediately.
She doesn’t. Instead, she chews on her inner cheek before speaking.
“Neon kkwae meosjin halmeoni gat-a![v].”
Jennie snorts.
“You think I’m a pretty cool… grandma?”
Lisa groans, burying her face into her hands.
“I’m doomed”, she says merely. “Should I just buy return tickets?”
There’s more laughter. In all the days she had crossed paths with Jennie during practice, she has never seen her this unguarded.
“God, no. You are too good to go back”. The compliment makes Lisa’s chest do something weird. A flutter. A warmth. “Tell you what- I give you some good Korean lessons, and you help me ace our next dancing tests”.
Lisa doesn’t have to think about it. She does it for survival, yes. But also, because she does believe that Jennie is pretty cool.
“Let’s start with the basics”, Jennie smirks, leaning back into the chair. “Jennie choegoda[vi]”.
Lisa rolls her eyes, but repeats promptly. Jennie might actually be the best.
-
Rosé and Jisoo quickly join them in their small group. Excruciating tests come and go, and by the span of a few years, it is clear which trainees are more likely to debut. They fall into their own circle quickly, amidst some judging stares. Most of the time, they don’t care. They find support in each other, and that is enough.
“So, I’m telling you, this fucking evaluation was made to kick us all out”.
Rosé speaks softly, secretive, angrily sipping on a carton of juice. Jisoo is lying besides her, eyes closed as she tries to catch her breath.
“Naneun jug-eul geoya[vii]” she whispers. “Or worse! Be expelled!”
Jennie chuckles softly. Besides her, Lisa remains unusually quiet. Her last evaluation wasn’t as bright as the others. For every other trainee, this would mean a slight worry, a pebble on their way to success. For Lisa, it is a painful lump in her throat. She has so much to fight for that her head is already spinning with insecurity. She has to pull through. She has to win. She has to become what her family-
She feels soft fingers slipping between hers.
It’s an unspoken gesture. Jennie doesn’t even look at her. She just holds her hand like this, tender and intimate, and Lisa feels her train of thoughts coming into a sharp stop. Something warm summersaults in her stomach. There’s calm. There’s security. Jennie squeezes her fingers slightly and Lisa smiles.
“You’re not going to die, Jisoo-unnie.” She finds herself saying. “We’re going to be fine. We’re going to debut, and we’re going to be the biggest girl group ever”.
Jisoo groans, and Rosé and Jennie let out matching giggles.
“That’s the spirit, Lisa”, Jennie says softly.
Rosé sighs, rolling around to throw an arm over Jisoo’s torso.
“Nae gabang sog-e satang-eul sumgyeo nwass-eo[viii]”, she says secretively, sing-songy, and Jisoo’s face lights up, jolting towards Rosé’s bag to find a bag full of candy.
Lisa watches the scene and uses her thumb to rub circles on Jennie’s skin. She receives a look, quick, fleeting, but intense enough to have her blushing.
“When did you hide those Rosie?” Jennie asks, watching with a mixture interest and apprehension.
Rosé shrugs, eating a piece.
“When my parents last visited?” She thinks for a moment. “Like, two months ago, I guess”.
Jennie frowns. “How will we pass the evaluation puking our guts out?”
“With the power of friendship, unnie!”, Lisa says then. When Jennie stares at her with deadpan eyes, she presses a piece of candy against her mouth.
Jennie eats, then, still unsure, but too distracted by the way Lisa is staring right at her lips with a sense of nervousness she has very seldom seen tainting her usual doe gaze.
Later that week, they pass the group evaluation with an outstanding A.
-
It’s the big day. They are sitting in the waiting room, with their hearts pounding in a matching erratic beat and their young eyes widened in a hint of fear.
Jennie’s posture is straight, tense. Her teeth are gritted as she goes over every single step of their performance in her head. There’s a gigantic hoodie swallowing her figure -Lisa’s-, and it’s probably the only element providing her a sense of peace at the moment.
Lisa is buzzing. Her feet are practically vibrating off the floor. Her lips are permanently drawn into a pout, and her stomach has been uncomfortably revolving for the past hour. She feels heavy, nailed down by an unexplainable weight resting on her back. She needs to do it perfectly. She needs to shine. Everything she’s learnt so far, every tear, every harsh lesson comes down to this moment.
Rosé chews on her nails. Jisoo has her face buried in her hands.
The atmosphere is tense. Staff members come and go in a whim, taking measurements, asking questions, so many questions, and the energy tightens dangerously, about to snap. A few hours. Only a few hours until they get the limited minutes the showbiz grants them to demonstrate that they will be huge.
Or not.
Jisoo takes a deep breath and stands up.
“Okay. Ulineun hal su iss-eoyo[ix]. We can do this”.
Rosé attempts a soft smile. Lisa tries for a shaky one. Jennie nods, her fists clenched.
“But first… Hwajangsil-e gaya haeyo[x]”.
They all chuckle and something eases. Rosé stands up.
“I gotta use the toilet too. Let’s go”.
Rosé throws her arm around Jisoo’s neck and they leave for a moment. Jennie takes a peek of Lisa. She’s curling on the couch now, her long legs tucked in. Her eyes fidget around the floor, her head nodding in an imaginary beat.
“Hey”, she murmurs tenderly. Lisa looks at her in slight alarm. “You’re gonna kill it. Come on”.
Lisa let out a little whimper. She picks on the skin of her thigh.
“I really need this to work out, Jen”.
Jennie nods once. Her demeanour shifts. She hesitates for a second before opening her arms for Lisa. Without a second thought, she stretches her body to fit right onto Jennie’s lap, her chest over her legs and her face against her stomach. Lisa feels Jennie’s fingers tangling into her short hair, caressing through it with impossible softness.
“It will work out”, she says imply.
Lisa wants to answer that she doesn’t know, that life couldn’t possibly be that simple, that there are thousands of idols out there thinking the same- and they never make it.
But Jennie’s voice is soft, and kind, and she smells like something expensive but so homey, that her body is already merging into her despite the insistence of her running mind.
“Thank you”, she dares to whisper then.
She feels Jennie inhaling deeply. They don’t need to speak anymore.
-
The debut is a success. The song is at the top of the charts. Their performance is acclaimed in all the Korean entertainment forums.
When their first show ends, Lisa feels her legs shaking. Her entire body is ablaze, her fingers are still twitching. It is a high she has never felt in her life before. She’s smiling all the time, struck in her wonder.
She doesn’t realize it, but she hugs Jennie the tightest.
[i] Hello.
[ii] Hello.
[iii] Why are you eating so late?
[iv] Training ended late…
[v] You’re quite a cool grandma!
[vi] Jennie is the best!
[vii] I’m going to die.
[viii] I hid candy inside my bag.
[ix] We can do it.
[x] I need to go to the bathroom.