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Flat on his back, Mike was staring from his bed at the fan of his dorm room.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, resisting the urge to sit up. Will was kneeling between his legs kissing Mike’s lower stomach. Every time Mike felt Will’s soft lips against his skin, it sent tingles up his body like little sparks of electricity. Mike’s breath hitched, "Will, it’s fine if you’d rather not."
Will looked up at him in annoyance, his mussy hair lighting up golden.
"If you want me to stop, just say it." Will dragged his hand across Mike’s pelvis, making him moan out loud, "But otherwise shut up and stop babying me."
Mike was going to reply "Fine, I was just making sure!“ when he felt Will pulling off his boxer briefs, and the words died in his throat, his heart pounding. And then he felt Will’s tongue against his tip and every coherent thought left his brain. As Will was swallowing up more of him, pressing and sucking, Mike felt himself melting away. Having lost every sense of time, Mike didn’t know how long it had taken Will to turn him into a moaning mess but at some point he felt himself cumming and made to pull out but Will dug his fingernails into his waist, effectively keep him inside his mouth and sending him right over his edge.
Mike was still seeing stars when Will let him off. He popped up on Mike’s right side, perching his arms on the bed. Hazily, Mike took in Will’s red face and the way he was wrinkling nose. Mike instantly felt more awake, and asked, aghast,
"Did you swallow?"
Will made a face,
"Absolutely disgusting, Michael."
A hot surge of desire burnt through Mike’s stomach. Will pressed his lips on Mike’s, forcing his head in the mattress, tongue invading his mouth and making him taste his own cum, which somehow was both the most disgusting and hottest thing he’d ever experienced. Mike felt weak in the knees as Will - still in his boxers - climbed on top of him and continued to kiss him from above as he pressed his body against his. Mike felt like he was going to faint.
Thankfully, soon after that Will tore away and let himself fall on the bed next to him, making the springs squeak. Mike was still trying to catch his breath, face glowing and every part of his body above his knees burning, but grasped for Will’s hand. To his surprise, Will’s pulse was as fast as his own. Mike sat up, looking down at Will, trying to catch his mood,
"Are you okay?"
"Of course!" Will retorted, but Mike could see the hand that Mike wasn’t currently clasping, fidgeting with the covers.
"Will, after I gave you head for the first time I felt like I was going to die. Trust me, there’s no shame in saying you’re feeling sick."
Will rolled his eyes, and played with Mike’s hand,
"The way you did it, I’m surprised you didn’t die."
"Everyone acts like you’re such an angel but you’re actually pretty mean, you know that?" Mike was aware of his voice sounding a bit too cheerful; he hoped that Will wasn’t, "Besides, say what you want about my blow jobs, my hand jobs are out of this world.“
Will shook his head, smiling lightly.
"But Will. Honest. You were amazing. This was - indescribable. You know that, right? I think I almost died."
"What is it with you and always dying during sex?" Will asked, "And I know. You weren’t exactly hiding it."
"It was really hot."
"I'd hope so."
"Let me do something for you." Mike continued, and Will pulled his hand from Mike’s.
"I'm good." He said blankly.
Mike’s eyes roamed over Will’s body, the red hickies on his neck that he’d put there earlier, birthmarks splattered across his arms - kisses from another life -, Wills bitten-down fingernails and the pink burning scar on his waist. Softly, Mike said,
"You didn’t have to do that."
"I know."
"Will -"
Will sat up, flexing his ab muscles,
"Give it a rest, Mike!" Will lashed out and glared at him through thick eyelashes, "I clearly don’t want to talk about it. What’s wrong with me not being in the mood? Why can’t you just accept that? Why do you always have to talk everything out?"
If before it hadn’t been entirely clear that something was amiss, now Mike knew.
"Nothing is wrong with that but that’s obviously not what’s happening." Mike retorted, trying to keep his calm. Will’s fingers dug brutally into the covers, "This - just now; it clearly affected you and I don’t understand why you insist on acting like it didn’t!"
Will stood up and threw his arms in the air,
"Well, maybe because I don’t want those two - two monsters to define whether I get to suck off my boyfriend for the rest of my life. Is that what you want to hear from me, Mike? Are you happy I said it now? Does this make you feel good about yourself?"
Mike’s heart was pounding again but his body felt cold all over. Will began pacing. Mike opened his mouth but Will raised his hand and continued,
"And don’t tell me that you don’t care, or that you love me either way because quite frankly, I don’t give a fuck, and this is my problem and my decision and I get to decide what I do and don’t. And if I want to blow you and afterwards feel like I want to throw myself in front of the next car but I’d still rather do that than have to - to obey them for the rest of my life, that is my call. Only my call."
Will stopped and exhaled deeply. Sunlight dripped over him like honey and he was so beautiful that -
Mike tried to climb out of his pit of helplessness, he tried to ignore the fear and anger and worry. He pulled himself together. Slowly, he said,
"You’re right. I’m sorry."
Will’s head turned to him, warily. Surprised,
"You - are?"
"Of course." Mike stood up and walked towards Will. In an absurd flicker of consciousness, he noticed that he was still completely naked and felt embarrassed by it but he guessed that couldn’t be helped. He stopped in front of Will. "You’re right. This is your decision. I shouldn’t have pushed you. I should have respected your silence.“
Will’s pupils were dilated, making his eyes seem almost black, and a muscle in his cheek was twitching. Mike wanted to touch him but he was scared it would only trigger Will more.
"But I’m here for you, you know that, right? You can talk to me."
"I don’t want to talk to you." Will said, as if by reflex. His hand went to his jugulum, nails cutting in the skin. "Sorry. I mean - I don’t want to talk to you."
Will closed his eyes, exhaled and forced his hand down, revealing red half-moon marks. The helplessness was back in Mike’s stomach, sharp like acid.
"I wish it had never happened. So I am pretending it had never happened."
"Okay."
Will reached for Mike’s hand and put it between his own warm hands, drawing circles over the back of his hand.
"Sometimes I wish - I wasn’t dating you." Mike tried to school his expression, knowing he was failing to hide his hurt, "Not because I don’t love you but because when you look at me, you’ll always see the boy who was raped by - " Will’s whole face contorted, " by h-his father and a slimy disgusting creature from another dimension. And, I don’t - I don’t want to be that boy anymore."
Will’s voice shook,
"I just want to be the first year animation student who’s bad at drawing expressions, who likes samosas and forgets to water his ferns. I don’t want to be zombie boy and - and the spy that almost killed all his friend and that stupid boy who hated himself for years because he was in love with you and who always felt like something was wrong with him. I don’t want to be that any more“
Will had tears in his eyes but his voice was steady,
"On some days it just feels suffocating, Mike. On some days it’s just like I’m twelve again and I’m back there. And at the hospital and - and in castle Byers, feeling like I was just never meant to even exist. And you - you were always my light. You were always there. And you saved me again and again." Tears were running down Will’s cheeks, "But that’s exactly what it is. You got me out of all of that but because of that… Now I just… It’s like you’re tethering me to the past because you just know what I really am. You saw everything of me."
Will dropped Mike’s hand, and it fell to his side, lifeless, waxen. Mike felt dead. Cold and dead. Suddenly, his college dorm room didn’t look like comfortable and soft anymore. The sun’s light was cruel, throwing a spotlight on him and Will. Naked and bared, the ugly truth.
"You want to break up."
To Mike, who felt dead because that was the only way he could stop from feeling the utter mayhem that truly was lurking inside him, his voice sounded composed. But Will still crumpled like a piece of paper. His voice barely audible, Will said,
"I don’t know."
His lungs feeling like they were about to burst, Mike went to the bed and put on his boxer briefs. He counted to twenty. He looked at his jeans He went back to Will. Will locked his eyes on Mike’s.
"I love you." Will said.
"But that’s not enough." Mike said, matching puzzle piece to puzzle piece. His body was beginning to tingle from distress. He wanted to cover his ears and hide in a corner. But if he did that - if he did that he’d - he’d -
"Will. I don’t want to be the constant reminder of what happened to you." Mike swallowed hard, trying to breathe, "But that’s not - when I look at you. I don’t - I don’t see any of that."
Mike cleared his throat, swallowing,
"What I see instead - when I look at you - is my best friend. My best friend in the whole world. I see - the only one who truly knows me, and who understands me, every single part of me. When I look at you, I see the bravest person I’ve ever known. And I know a lot of brave people.“
It became easier to breathe, the words now almost rushing out of his mouth, "I see the one person who’d tell me when I’d really screwed up but who was always there for me. And yeah, when I see you eating samosas, I remember that you used to love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And I will never agree with you, that you’re bad at drawing expressions, because I want to keep every single thing you’ve ever created for myself and hang it in my room. I could never see you for anything else than the boy who risked his life countless times to save his friends. Will. I know you’ve been dealt hell, but to me, you’re magic. I love you."
Mike looked into Will’s beautiful hazel eyes,
"But I - I understand what you mean. And I care about you more than anything else. I want you to be happy. And if that can only happen when you’re with somebody new, then - I understand that. But. I just wanted to tell you that. That’s - that’s all.“
He couldn’t tell what the look on Will’s face meant. For what seemed an eternity, Will just looked at him, wide-eyed, before he stuttered,
"Is - is that really how you - “
Mike’s self-control shattered and he circled his arms around Will’s waist, pulling him closer,
"Of course." He murmured in Will’s ear, "You’re the most amazing thing that ever happened to me. I can’t believe you’re not aware of that."
Will put his arms around Mike’s back and rested his head on his shoulder. Mike wanted to freeze this moment in time, so delicate it could break into pieces any second.
"Thank you." Will said.
Mike slowly stroked Will’s back, trying not to clutch him, ever so careful,
"I really understand, Will. I didn’t say that to change your mind.“ Mike’s voice was calm but his thoughts were beginning to spiral. He’d deal with it later, he would manage. Somehow, "If you need… room. To breathe. Fresh air. I understand.“
Will wrapped Mike tighter in his arms. He was quiet for a long time, then he said,
"No. I just - I think I forgot that not all of it was bad. I think I forgot that there were good days, too. That I’m not just a - a heavy weight. Dragging down everyone around me.“
Mike kissed Will’s shoulder blade, knife twisting in his stomach,
"You were never a heavy weight. Actually, you always were a lot smaller than me - you used to be tiny!"
Will snorted and playfully punched his ribs. Mike winced in pain as a smile tugged at his lips. He said,
"No, but, Will. I know it sounds stupid - and really lame too - but remember these silly Dnd characters we made up as kids?“
"You mean the ones we were using for our Dnd campaign last night?"
Mike kicked Will’s shin. A quiet laugh escaped Will.
"Yeah, anyway. It’s like we transform into them, you and me. Not really, I mean, but - when I’m around you, that’s what I feel like. Like Mike the Heart. Like the person I want to be. Who I can be because that’s who you see in me. And that’s just - the most wonderful feeling in the world: Loving who you are because of the way that someone else is making you feel. And you make me feel that way, Will Byers. You always made me feel that way, even when I was a total dickhead to you. But I want you to feel the same way. And if I don’t make you feel that way, then maybe you should really-"
"Oh shut up." Will interjected. He broke free from the hug and cupped Mike’s face between his hand. Will kissed him slowly and a lot more gently than Mike would have expected.
"You can’t always do that when we’re fighting." Mike complained. He wasn’t really complaining. The mayhem had turned into fireworks and the world seemed to be filled with colour again.
"Fine, you oblivious idiot. That’s how you make me feel too."
"Really?"
Will shook his head in disbelief, a broad smile on his face,
"You are unbelievable. Don't you dare sound so surprised."
"You were about to break up with me! I feel like surprise is an adequate reaction."
Will’s smile disappeared, and he looked serious again. Mike instantly regretted his words.
"I was, wasn’t I? I don’t know." Will thoughtfully slid his hands down to Mike’s elbows, "I’m sorry I snapped at you - I shouldn’t have done that. Sometimes everything just feels like a lot, and I feel so much all at once. But somehow you always help me remember what’s important."
"But maybe you really should - move on."
Will cocked his head, grin back on his face,
"Are you trying to break up with me now?“
"I don’t want to hold you back, Will. It’s not like you were joking around with what you said."
Mike didn’t know what he was doing, it was like he didn’t know what to feel, his body switching back and forth between joy and anxiety. Will soothingly brushed strands of Mike’s hair behind his ear.
"I can’t promise you forever. Maybe someday I’ll wake up and all I see when I look at you is who I was. And maybe one day I won’t believe you when you tell me what you told me just now. I don’t know. I hate it but I don’t know what’s going to happen." Will ran his finger over Mike’s ear, thinking for a second, "But what you said, Mike, it’s true. I love the way you make me feel. And right now, I don’t care for the cost. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.“
Mike felt like a flower was blooming inside of him. He kissed Will, feeling his smile against his lips and Will’s fingers in his hair -
"Hey Wheeler! Hanky-panky time is over!" Someone rapped against the door and Will and Mike quickly broke apart, Mike’s heart in his throat before he remembered he’d locked the door. He glanced sideways at Will who looked pale, but managed to unstuck himself to scramble for his scattered clothes, "You better have that room clear and aired when I’m back in ten!“
Mike rolled his eyes and reached for his jeans,
"Travis is such a dick. I payed him like twenty bucks to hold tight and he still has to notify the whole building.“
Will’s worried face appeared through the collar of huge yellow sweater,
"Does he know that you’re gay?"
"Nope." Mike said, pulling a T-shirt over his long-sleeve shirt as he went to the window and let in some fresh air, "Thinks you’re my hot girlfriend Tammy from Hawkins."
Will’s mouth fell open and he stopped, one arm still lost in his sweater,
"Are you serious? You couldn’t think of another name?"
"Well, I thought, it was your time to be my Tammy for once." Mike crossed his arms with a sly grin.
"Oh my God, Mike. When will you ever give it a rest? I was under Vecna’s curse!"
"That still kinda hurt my feelings -"
Will pushed him over and Mike fell back on the bed,
"Oww!"
"That can’t have hurt." Will let himself fall on Mike, elbows knocking painfully against his rib cage and far too heavy (Will had begun to work out which was amazing in every aspect except for when he was falling on Mike).
"Owwwwwww!“
Will put his arms behind his head, apparently perfectly comfortable lying across Mike,
"That was deserved. I’ll tell Robin about that, by the way.“
"She’s picking you up?"
"Taking me to this meeting from that local gay rights group? You’re welcome to come too. I’m sure Robin would be more than happy to have you there.“
Mike’s stomach knotted with anxiety. He still wasn’t even out to his dad and the thought of Travis finding out he had been with a boy terrified him.
"Maybe next time." Mike replied vaguely and Will brushed his thumb across Mike’s cheek, feather-light and understanding.
As Will gathered his belongings in his rucksack and got his jacket, Mike went to look for paper towels to clean up the mess they’d made earlier. Will stepped into Mike’s way
"Well, I guess, I’d better run before your roommate comes back.“ Will quickly kissed Mike’s temple, "Tomorrow, Lucas’ game?"
"Yeah, of course.“
Will made for the door but Mike caught his hand,
"Wait!" Mike pulled Will close. Will stared at him, uncertainly, "Tell Robin that if she doesn’t give me back my jeans jacket tomorrow, I will tell Vicky what really happened to her car."
Will groaned and rubbed his face,
"Mike, you are absolutely unbelievable. You can’t tell her that, she’ll never want to drive it again.“
"Seems to me like a Robin problem, not a Mike problem."
"I am not playing messenger between you two, come along and tell her yourself."
Mike made a face, and Will perked up,
"Wait, she’s got something on you - what did you do?"
"Nothing!"
"Wait, is it worse than the puke story? It is!“ Will’s mouth fell open, eyes gleaming with joy "No, did you burn Dustin’s paisley shirt?“
Mike grabbed Will by his shoulders and pushed him to the door,
"Time to leave. It was lovely. You should come again soon. Bye!"
"Oh my God, he is going to murder you!" Will exclaimed, delighted.
"Well, that shirt was an abomination. Someone had to do it." Mike muttered.
"I can’t believe you just confessed that to me!"
Mike shoved Will through the door,
"Express your gratitude by delivering my message to Robin, would you."
Will just smirked before pulling the door shut. Mike shook his head trying to scowl but the after image of Will’s smiling face felt warmer than all the sunlight in the world.