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Mike's relationship with physical touch has always been a very complicated thing.
Maybe because it was never the way his family showed affection, prefering to give silent support by actions or soft looks or just nothing at all.
Ted Wheeler has never been an affectionate person. Honestly, Mike can't even remember the last time his dad had bothered to acknowledge his existence beyond reprimanding him about something. He thinks the only time in his life his dad has hugged him must have been in the hospital when he was just born and probably didn't have a choice.
The only thing Mike has learned from Ted Wheeler is that being emotional makes you weak and vulnerable and that's not what a man should be. He doesn't think he'll ever forgive his dad for forcing this thought into his head, because now everytime he gets overwhelmed he can't help but hear- "You're embarrassing yourself, Michael. Be a man and suck it up."
Karen Wheeler was always the one handling the emotional part of raising her children, but while she tried her best, taking care of 2 kids almost entirely on your own is no easy task. When Holly was born, it's like she got tunnel vision and just focused all her attention and care on her, until gradually that stopped too.
(Maybe she got tired of doing it on her own, maybe she got sick of trying to convince her husband to show any care for their kids, maybe that's why now the wine cabinet is way fuller then it used to be and maybe that's why she stopped trying to be the perfect mother altogether.)
Mike has never blamed his mom for any of it. He thinks if he were in her place and having to deal with Ted Fucking Wheeler he'd get tired too.
(He knows his mom loves him and his siblings. He sees it in the way she always makes sure all of them have breakfast in the morning, feels it in the rare times when she hugs him, tight enough to hurt. She never says much, but she's there when he really needs her to be, which is usually in highly distressing situations, when the weight in his chest is so heavy that he can't push it down however hard he tries. When he feels like the kid that he is, everything hurts and he just wants his mom to make it better.)
The first time he went over to the Byers' house, it felt like he entered a different dimension. Joyce had pulled him into a hug the moment he stepped in and he had frozen in place, unsure how to react, before tentatively hugging back. The hug had lasted no more than 5 seconds but his eyes had felt misty by the end regardless.
Then Joyce had pulled away, but kept her hands on his shoulders and told him she's "so glad to have him over" and "Will talks about you so much" with Will whining in the background and telling her to "don't tell him that, mom!". And Joyce had taken one of her hands off Mike's shoulder so she can ruffle her son's hair affectionately and Mike- Mike had felt dizzy. Dizzy at the amount of contact, dizzy at the ease in which they talked and touched like it was the simplest thing in the world.
All that is to say that neither him nor Nancy ever learned how to show their love properly. He likes to think they're learning, slowly. He also likes to think that they're keeping Holly from ever having this problem by being there for her as much as they can. It's not easy to teach someone something you barely understand yourself, but they're trying their best.
Which brings Mike to his original point. While he's gotten used to simple, mindless touches throughout the years, thanks to the party, things like hugs or leaning on someone are still something he gives out only as comfort when he knows somebody needs it. It comes easy, taking care of others.
Receiving said comfort on the other hand feels much more different. Fills him with thousands of complicated emotions, most of which he doesn't even really understand. Mike doesn't mind physical touch, not usually. Usually, it's something he refuses to feel anything about, because if he's afraid of what would happen if he doesn't.
When he DOES let himself feel anything, it quickly becomes overwhelming in a way that has him pulling away sharply and then pretending it never happened at all.
Now he's freshly 19, him and Will are DATING (and isn't that a wild thought still) and they're currently siting next to each other on his bed while keeping a small distance. Mike's reading a comics book, while Will is drawing something in his sketchbook. Mike is hyperaware of their shoulders just barely brushing against each other.
They've been dating for a month now and hardly anything has changed since before they started. Mike knows that's his fault. He's caught Will looking at him multiple times, hazel eyes full of longing, hands twitching like they want to reach out before stopping abruptly. And everytime Will catches Mike looking back, the look is quickly wiped away and Mike just feels like the biggest asshole in the world.
Because they're BOYFRIENDS for fuck's sake. They're SUPPOSED to hold hands and cuddle and kiss and- he just- can't. Because Mike's a coward and he's too scared to let himself be vulnerable. And Will knows this and like the absolute angel that he is, never pushes him to do anything.
And Mike just wants to bury himself in a hole and never come out, because Will deserves SO much more than this. Than him. Will deserves the world. And Mike feels like he can only give him a pebble.
It's especially frustrating since lately all he can think about is touching Will. Not even in any sexual context like most boys his age probably do. No, Mike thinks about grabbing Will's hand when he sees him fidgeting with his sleeve. About pushing Will's hair out of his face when it falls while he's leaning over and working on his most recent painting. About hugging him when they sleep in the same bed. About cradling Will's face in both hands, tracing his features and kissing every single one.
Mike knows he's allowed to all of that and more, knows he's more than welcome to, but fear makes him freeze in place before he can even think about moving. Because what if he makes it awkward? What if he's so unused to touch that when he finally tries it, he manages to mess it up somehow? What if he hurts Will in some way? What if he finds that he actually hates the feeling?
And what if, he thinks, terrified, what if he likes it? How is he supposed to want something he's never had before? How is he supposed to live after? How is he supposed to let himself have this when just the thought already makes him feel too exposed, too vulnerable?
He doesn't realize how much he'd gotten in his own head, until he feels a gentle weight on his shoulder. It startles him out of his thoughts and right back into reality, as he looks to his right. What he sees makes his breath stop and fills him with a strong, indescribable feeling, that he thinks might be something close to adoration and astonishment.
There Will was, face relaxed and body slumped in slumber, head falling right on Mike's shoulder, their arms and shoulders pressed close. The sketchbook has fallen in his lap, the pencil dangling loosely from his fingers that are now resting on his stomach. Mike freezes for a moment, his mind devoid of any other thoughts beside 'Oh.' It takes him longer than he'd like to admit to reboot his brain enough to start thinking again.
And oh boy, does he start to think.
Oh, he's so- He looks so soft and relaxed- He feels so warm on my shoulder- I wanna hold him- What do I do?- What if I wake him up?- He looks so pretty-
Suddenly, Mike becomes uncomfortably aware of how fast his breathing is and immediately tries to slow it down. He starts counting to 5 for every inhale and exhale, praying that he doesn't wake up the other.
After about a minute of this he realizes that the more he focuses on his breathing, the harder it is to do, so he attempts to just stop thinking about it altogether. It doesn't work. That's when he finally starts to assess how he feels about the situation.
His whole body is tense, feeling like a tightly coiled spring that can jump up at any moment. He tries to relax his muscles, but they're locked so tight it feels impossible to move. The weird thing is, it doesn't necessarily feel bad. He thinks he's so tense that he can't even begin to comprehend what it actually feels like. Mike wants more of it. Mike also wants to get up and run away.
He's not sure how much time passes, but just when he starts feeling almost dizzy, Will begins to stir. It takes the other boy a few moments to actually open his eyes and a few more to realize the position they're in, before Mike feels him tense up and quickly pull away. He only gets half a second to see the panic combined with longing swirling in Will's eyes before it's wiped away like it was never there to begin with. His chest feels heavy.
"Oh! I'm- Sorry I didn't mean to- I didn't mean to fall asleep on you.", Will's voice is a little deeper and still sluring slightly from just waking up. Mike can't help but feel his heart flutter at the sound.
"No! It- It's totally fine! Don't worry about it. You- It's fine. I don't mind.", Mike feels his voice shake slightly and just hopes it sounds sincere.
Will looks at him for a moment, beautiful hazel eyes roaming all over his face as if searching for something. Mike's not sure if he finds it.
Will takes a breath, pauses, then tries again, "But you-", then stops again, seemingly unable to continue. His eyes leave Mike's face and focus somewhere on the floor. He stays there, unmoving, before suddenly turning around.
"Ok. I'm just- I'm gonna go get something to eat?" It sounds more like a question than a statement, but Mike isn't given any time to react, before Will has already left the room.
Mike stands frozen in place, until he hears the door close and steps going downstairs. He then proceeds to slouch further down the bed, putting an arm over his eyes and letting out a deep sigh.
His shoulder feels unusually cold.
Fuck.
~~~~~~~~~~
They don't talk about it. Of course they don't. However, Mike can't stop thinking about it even for a second. He finds himself staring at the ceiling late at night, mind clouded with thoughts.
He thinks about Will, feeling warm and solid against him. He imagines how it would feel to relax into the touch. He wonders if Will would press his face closer, had Mike given into the urge to wrap his hand around the other.
It's consuming so much of his waking thoughts that Will has noticed. He's asked Mike if everything is ok like 3 times now, but all Mike can focus on is Will's hand reaching for his shoulder and stopping just before it can land as he looks at him with those big, worried eyes.
Suffice to say, Mike can barely stand it any longer and he's decided that today is the day when he actually tries to do something about it.
They're sitting on his couch in the basement and watching a movie, Will sitting on his left and fidgeting with the end of his sleeve. Mike can barely pay attention to the movie, too focused on the urge to reach out and take Will's hand between both his own.
Will is still focused on the screen, oblivious to Mike's internal dilemma.
The movie is almost halfway through when Mike finally decides to just say "fuck it" and slowly, hesitantly, reaches out and rests his left hand over Will's right. He can barely breathe and when their hands touch, his lungs stop working entirely.
It takes a moment for Will to register the touch before he tenses up and turns to look at Mike, gaze full of shock and confusion and so much hope that Mike can only stand still and meet his eyes with what he hopes is reassurance.
Will spends a few moments studying him, before his eyes soften in the way they always do when he knows Mike is panicking about something.
"You ok?", he asks, voice gentle and filled with comfort and love and Mike's heart can barely take it.
"Yeah.", he answers, a little breathless, a little unsure.
"Are you sure?", and there's this look again. That same look, heavy with longing, which Mike keeps seeing and then pretends he doesn't.
Mike takes a second to really think about it. Because 'friends don't lie', he's never lied to Will and he doesn't plan on starting now. He looks at their hands and focuses on the feel of Will's in his own. On the warmth he radiates, always the opposite of Mike's constant cold. He moves his thumb experimentally, caressing the back of Will's hand and he can faintly hear the other's breath stuttering for a moment before coming out normal again.
Mike moves his gaze back to Will, only to find him also looking down at their hands, eyes wide and full of wonder, like he's seeing something magical for the first time. It fills Mike with so much love and bravery that he decides to take one more risk.
He slowly turns Will's hand and gently tangles their fingers together. At this, Will's whole body shivers and he looks at Mike again, loving and desperate.
"I'm sure.", Mike says, steady, this time with no hesitation.
They stare at each other for a while, as if to preserve the moment as long as possible.
"Alright." Will is the first one to speak, voice barely a whisper, afraid to break the silence. He gives Mike a soft smile, which he returns.
Simultaneously, they both turn back to the TV, uncaring about having missed anything since it's a movie they've watched hundreds of times before.
Their hands stay pressed together and Mike allows himself to squeeze a little everytime there's a tense scene. Will squeezes even harder in return. The touch burns in a way that leaves Mike overwhelmed, but also somehow craving more.
By the end of the movie they've gravitated even closer to each other, arms just about touching. Mike feels Will's warmth even through the clothes. As the end credits roll, Mike risks a glance towards Will and finds him already looking back at him. Will flushes slightly but doesn't turn away and Mike doesn't either.
'I really want to hug him.', Mike finds himself thinking and then actually considers doing it. However, before he can come to a decision, Will suddenly reaches out with his free hand and stops just before touching him anywhere.
"Can I- You can say no, but can I just hug you?", he asks and Mike finds himself yet again fascinated by the other's ability to just read his mind even without knowing.
Mike looks at Will, looks at his hand, still reaching but never touching, not without permission and suddenly his chest is brimming with so much adoration, so intense its overflowing. He feels his eyes water and sees Will, who of course noticed immediately, start to panic, backtracking.
"Oh no- Mike I'm, I'm so sorry we don't have to do anything, I'm sorry for asking. Here let me just-" and his hand leaves its place in Mike's and he looks like it physically hurts him to let go and- and Mike loves him. He loves him so much.
Before Mike even realizes what he's doing, he's already moving and suddenly finds himself wrapping around Will in a tight hug. And it's- warm, so warm and Will smells like the same detergent Joyce has been using since they were kids and the smell brings him so much indescribable comfort that he unconsciously relaxes a little.
Then his brain finaly catches up to his body and he freezes in place. Afraid of going too far, too fast, of being pushed away. Why did he do that?
Will stays just as still and Mike can't breathe. He's made Will uncomfortable, he has to let go-
But the moment he tries to pull away, Will suddenly grabs him, hard, holding him in place. He feels the other's hands clutching at the back of his shirt and a warm, shaky breath being let out right by side of his neck. All points of contact feel like fire on his skin. He doesn't even realize he's shaking, until he feels Will start to rub his back gently, comfortingly and it's all he can do to just bury his face in the other's neck and take a deep breath.
They stay like this for a while. When they finally let go it's reluctant from both sides. They decide to watch another movie. Their hands find each other, intertwining yet again and Mike allows himself to lean against Will just a little. Will doesn't comment, just leans a bit towards Mike as well, until his head is pillowed on Mike's shoulder in the same position they were in just a few days ago. Unlike then, Mike actually does what he's thought about doing every night since and wraps a hand around the other. Will shivers at the contact and then seems to just melt into Mike, leaning onto him even more. Mike lets his head rest on top of Will's.
They stay like this for the rest of the movie and even a bit after.
~~~~~~~~~~
Ever since that fateful day in the basement, Mike and Will have become a lot more comfortable with touch. Will isn't so afraid of seeking it and Mike isn't so afraid of giving it. It's the small things, like a head on the shoulder, a brush of the knee, a bump of the elbow, holding hands under the table when there are other people in the room and hugging each other everytime they meet.
It might not seem like much, but for them every touch felt like being zapped by electricity. They couldn't get enough. Mike couldn't get enough. This might be what surprised him the most about the whole situation. While touch still feels overwhelming at times, it's gotten better, easier.
He hasn't really summoned the courage to do anything beyond what they're doing right now. Not because he doesn't want to, but because he's not sure if he'd he able to handle it. Cuddling with Will Byers? Sleeping WHILE cuddling with Will Byers? KISSING Will Byers? Yeah, that sounds nice. It also sounds terrifying and like it's too much and not enough at the same time.
Thinking about it feels like bugs crawling all over his skin. Makes his lungs feel tight to the point that breathing becomes a conscious effort. Sometimes he'd find himself craving Will's touch but then he'd think of how vulnerable that makes him feel. And we all know what that means for Mike.
('You're embarrassing yourself, Michael. Be a man and suck it up.')
He wishes he could let himself be vulnerable without it feeling like he's letting himself be hurt. He wishes he could just ask Will to hold him and not feel the need to measure his breathing or be hyperaware of every movement, every sound, like he's waiting for someone to attack him while he's not looking. He wishes letting his guard down didn't feel like freefall from the edge of the Quarry, with no El to save him this time.
Everything boiled over on a random Tuesday.
Mike woke up still tired after not being able to fall asleep for most of the night and supporting a headache. He went downstairs to make himself a coffee, except the machine was apparently broken. He sighed and decided he might as well search for some painkillers for his head. Except they'd apparently ran out. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying his best not to get frustrated and decided to just go out and buy some after he eats.
He ate breakfast with only his parents since Nancy has already left for college and Holly is at a friend's house. Everything was normal. Except apparently this morning wasn't good for his dad either because while he usually just sat in silence, this morning he decided to speak.
"So, Michael. Do you plan to live in our house forever or are you going to actually do something with your life? Have you applied to any colleges yet?"
Now here's the thing. Both him and Will have come to the mutual agreement to take a gap year. After everything with the Upside Down and El's death, they agreed that they need some more time to process before trying for any college. Sounds good in theory. The problem? Mike hasn't told his parents yet.
Mike knew his mom wouldn't make it into a big deal. His dad on the other hand, that was an argument waiting to happen. And Mike was exhausted and his head was pounding and he really couldn't deal with Ted Wheeler right then so he decided to just rip the band-aid off.
"I'm taking a gap year.", he said, blunt, straight to the point.
His mom's eyes widened momentarily, flicking between him and her husband until at last they stopped on Mike.
"Are you sure, sweetie? Didn't you want to go to that one collage with the writing program?", she asked, confused.
"Yeah but I think I need a little more time to think about it before I actually make a decision. Will is taking a gap year too so it's really not that weird.", he shrugged.
His mom looked at him for a moment, her gaze unreadable, then just smiled.
"That's alright, sweetie. It IS a big decision after all. Do what feels right.", she said, still giving that reassuring smile, and Mike felt his chest lose a bit of tension as he smiled back and nodded. He was glad that he'd been right about her reaction.
The room was deathly quiet for a few moments, until Mike decided to bite the bullet and look at his father. What he saw was also entirely expected. Ted Wheeler was staring at his son with a rare glare that he usually reserves for times when Mike has really pissed him off.
Despite the slight fear that the glare awakened in him, Mike refused to look away and stood his ground.
"Is there a problem?", he asked, challenging.
His dad narrowed his eyes even more.
"Of course there is a problem. What kind of man are you, living with your parents at this age, Michael? So what, you're just going to keep taking advantage of our money, our food, our home?", Ted's voice was sharp.
"I'm just gonna get a job here and I'll pay for my own stuff. And what does any of this have to do with me being a man anyway?? I'm barely 19!"
"It has everything to do with it! You're embarrassing not only yourself, but also me and your mother. What are the people gonna think when they see you stay here even after graduating? And don't even get me started on the Byers' kid. It's already bad enough that you even associate with someone like him. If you're planning on spending this whole year with him then you're just asking for people to call you a queer. I didn't raise you like this."
Ted hadn't even sounded especially angry when he said it. Just annoyed, like Mike's existence is something he doesn't even want to deal with but is forced to because he's his son.
"Ted! Don't talk to our son like that! And Will is a good kid. Stop with this nonsense!", Karen yelled, sounding scandalized.
Mike stood quiet for a moment then, trying to decide if the fight was worth continuing or if he was too tired for it. In the end, his dad's words about Will were what motivated him to keep talking.
"What's your problem with Will huh? That's my best friend you're talking about and I'm not letting you say SHIT about him! And i don't CARE what people say about me.", Mike bit out, voice full of barely restrained fury.
He saw his dad's glare deepen even more but before the man even got the chance to open his mouth, Mike had already stood up and stormed out.
He ran to his bike but in his hurry managed to slip and fall, scraching his knee. He stood on the ground for a while, head still hurting and feeling his eyes water. He clenched his jaw and fists in an attempt to push it down. That's what he always does. However in that moment, Mike found himself thinking about Will. About going to him for comfort, about Will holding him, about feeling safe enough to fall apart.
That's why he now finds himself riding all the way to the Byers' house while trying his best to keep the tears in his eyes ar bay. He doesn't remember deciding to go there. His body made the decision for him.
Soon, Mike finds himself right outside the Byers' door, shaking and trying to muster up the courage to actually knock. He doesn't really want anyone to see him like this, least of all Hopper. His eyes search the front yard of the house for the chief's car and when he doesn't see it anywhere, he dares to hope that the man isn't home.
With that in mind, Mike takes a deep breath and raises his hand, knocking on the door. At first he doesn't hear anything and for a moment his stomach turns, because what if Will isn't home either? But then he hears familiar footsteps and a minute later, the door in front of him opens.
The moment he sees Will, it's like something in him gives. Like all emotions he's been trying to push down suddenly all come to the surface and he can barely breathe under the weight of them. This time, he can't possibly stop the tears.
He sees the exact moment that Will registers what he's seeing as his eyes immediately fill with worry and he's already reaching out, instinctively trying to give comfort.
It's the last straw. The final blow to his composure. He thinks about how little he's slept, about how angry he still is at his dad, about how his knee hurts from the fall and about his head which has been hurting since the moment he woke up and he just. Breaks.
In an instant, he's flung himself into Will's arms with a heavy sob. He clings to the other, shaking, barely suppressing another sob and tries not to feel like he's giving someone a knife and turning his back to be a more easy target.
Will freezes for no more than a second and then immediately wraps his arms around Mike, clinging just as hard.
"Mike?! Are you ok? Are you hurt? What happened?", Will's voice is somehow still gentle, despite it being filled with urgency.
Mike doesn't have the strength to do anything more than just shake his head and continue to gasp and cling to the other.
Will presses him even harder against his body, like he's trying to merge them together, and Mike almost thinks he imagines it when he feels lips press to the top of his head for a moment, before Will is nuzzling into his hair and whispering in the softest voice possible.
"Ok, that's ok. You're alright. Come here."
Slowly, without pulling away, Will maneuvers them just enough so they can get to his room (which is thankfully closest to the front door) and sit on his bed.
Mike is still shaking and suddenly the thought of someone seeing them like this enters his mind and floods him with panic. His breathing picks up and he's quickly pulling away from Will to make sure his earlier assumptions about no one being home were right.
"Will, there's- is your mom home? Is HOPPER home? I just can't- If they see-", he can barely breathe enough to get the words out.
All of a sudden, Mike feels two warm hands cup his face, forcing his eyes to meet Will's.
"Mike! Mike, calm down. No one's home. No one WILL be home until way later this evening. My mom and Hopper went out earlier and said they'd be gone all day. I promise, it's just us. It's just you and me.", Will says, eyes watery but firm, reassuring.
Mike is holding his breath, never looking away from Will.
"It's okay."
Again, that soft voice that feels like a warm blanket in winter. Those big eyes, brimming with nothing but love and concern. Those gentle hands brushing away his tears uselessly, since new ones just keep on coming. And in that moment Mike finally thinks 'Yeah. It's ok. It's Will. I'm safe'.
He takes his place back in Will's arms, hold just as strong as before, just as desperate. Mike tries to stop crying, he really does. But then one of Will's hands finds itself in his hair, sliding through the strands gingerly, while the other starts rubbing his back lightly, just like last time. Every touch is so tender, careful. He feels like something small and breakable. And really, he never stood a chance at calming down, did he?
A sound breaks out from his throat without his permission and the hands just press harder with a whispered 'oh, sweetheart', until he's just sobbing uncontrollably. The hand in his hair guides his head until his face is pressed close to Will's neck. Mike's own hands grab at the back of the other's shirt, clutching it with all his might, as if the boy in his arms might just dissappear if he lets go.
He vaguely registers the fact that he's wetting Will's shirt with his tears and that their position is mirroring the one they found themselves in back on that day in the basement. He'd feel bad about ruining Will's shirt, but currently all he can really focus on is how good it feels, to be held and to hold in return. How for the first time in forever, his dad's mocking tone isn't echoing in his head. How being here with Will like this, while still feeling like falling, also feels like falling into something soft and warm and comfortable. Like being cradled.
Mike lets the sensation of his skin burning wash over him, until the only thing he can feel is calm and comfort. He didn't know touch could feel this good. He didn't think he'd ever even LET himself get this vulnerable. But this is Will. Being vulnerable with Will doesn't feel like weakness. It feels like freedom, like understanding, like if he lets his guard down, there's someone to watch his back and protect him from any threats.
They don't move from their position for a long time. Will never lets go, not until Mike's sobs have turned into quiet occasional sniffles and even after that he keeps holding him, whispering soft reassurances. Mike doesn't think he's ever felt this comfortable in his entire life.
After a while, Wills starts to pull back which has Mike trying and failing to stop the whine in protest from leaving his throat. He feels his whole face burn in embarrassment and he ducks his head down, but then that same hand from earlier finds its way back on his cheek, accompanied by a soft chuckle.
Mikes eyes immediately snap to Will's face and for a second he just looks at the other, captivated. Will's eyes are wet, which Mike doesn't find surprising, but it still makes his heart ache. Will has always been a sympathetic crier.
Mike thinks back to first grade, when he fell and hurt his knee and how bad it had hurt then. He remembers trying his best not to cry, the 'boys don't cry' mindset being ingrained into him even so early in his childhood.
(He takes a moment to appreciate how the situation right now is yet another parallel.)
While he'd been trying fruitlessly to keep his tears at bay, Will had began openly sobbing. Mike had panicked immediately, momentarily forgetting his own pain to focus on Will.
'Are you ok?! Why are you crying??', he had asked, even as the tears on his cheeks were still flowing.
'Be-Because you got hurt and- and I don't want you to be hurting!', was the answer Will had given, barely able to speak through gasps and sobs.
Mike remembers being so shocked that he'd actually calmed down significantly and had then proceeded to pull Will into a hug so tight he might have cracked a rib if he could.
The fact that this hasn't changed about Will, even after all these years, all they've been through, makes Mike's heart feel like it's exploding in his chest and he can't stop the corners of his mouth from lifting.
Will looks at him funny, probably getting whiplash from the drastic emotional switch Mike had just done, but smiles back nonetheless.
"What?", he asks, still smiling and Mike gets momentarily distracted by the way his lips move to form the words.
"Nothing.", he answers and feels the grin on his face stretching so hard it almost hurts, before he leans in and promptly kisses Will on the cheek.
Will stands stunned for a moment, one of his hands going to his cheek, touching it and then flushing bright red.
"Wha- What was that for???", his asks, voice sounding squeaky, his eyes wide and looking so incredibly flustered, Mike has to physically stop himself from kissing him again.
Instead he grabs the hand still cradling Will's cheek and laces their finger together.
"A thank you gift. You know, for being here for me."
He feels his own cheeks flushing but refrains from looking away. He never wants to look away from Will.
Will's eyes soften immediately.
"You never have to thank me for that. I WANT to be here for you. Always. Anytime."
He squeezes Mike's hand in his, staring directly into his eyes, voice soft but firm.
Mike feels warm all over.
Will then goes to stand up and Mike is suddenly cold again. But before he can even begin to spiral, Will is already talking.
"I'm not leaving. I just thought I'd get you a glass of water. You need to hydrate after...", he trails off, suddenly unsure if he's allowed to talk about it.
Mike feels something settle a little in his chest at the reassurance and is quick to offer his own.
"No, yeah you're right. I'd really appreciate some water right now. Thank you.", he tries to sound unbothered, but even to his own ears it comes off a little awkward.
Will stares at him for a moment, studying him, then smiles a little before turning around and starting to walk towards the door. Mike can already feel his absence like a severed limb, even if the other hasn't even left yet.
Will stops just before opening the door, hand already on the handle, and turns around to look at Mike again. He makes sure to meet his gaze as he starts to speak.
"I'll be right back. I promise. And then we can, maybe talk about it? I mean- If you want to that is.", his voice falters a little, still unsure, but ready to help in any way he can.
Mike closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, before letting it out and reopening them as he meets Will's yet again.
"Yeah. Yeah I think I'd like that."
Will gives him that soft look again and Mike can already feel his nerves calm just a bit.
"Alright."
And with that, Will is out the door.
The silence feels loud now that Mike is alone. He uses the time he has to run through everything that happened today. It makes him suddenly aware of the fact that his knee is still bloody and his head somehow hurts even more than before. He should have expected it, after crying so hard.
He thinks back to his dad's words and can't help but somber. It's not that he cares what the old man thinks. He can fuck off for all Mike cares. However, his words are a cruel reminder of the fact that people like him and Will are not going to be accepted as normal anywhere in the near future. A reminder of why they keep their relationship a secret, why they never go on dates outside, why they can never hold hands in public.
It hurts to think of his love for Will as something people would frown upon. Because how can something that feels so natural be so wrong? Loving Will comes as natural as breathing, feels like a warm embrace, like something pure and untouched by the evils of the world. It's something so intertwined with his soul, his very being, that Mike thinks he could never exist without it.
How can anyone think it's wrong to love Will? The same Will who remained kind despite the horrible hand that life has dealt him. The same Will who cries at every movie because he feels every emotion so deeply and he's filled with empathy. The same Will who used to insist on putting band-aids on Mike's every papercut and then place a kiss on it so it can "heal faster". The same Will who had blushed oh so prettily a minute ago, just because Mike had been so overcome with emotion that he couldn't stop himself from expressing his adoration physically.
Will. With his big hazel eyes, with his soft skin, with that pretty mole that Mike can't help but stare at as it moves everytime the other speaks, with that stupid bowl cut that Mike finds endearing no matter what anyone says.
He's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't even hear the door open or the steps that walk in his direction.
Mike only registers Will's presence when he feels a hand on his shoulder, the touch seemingly coming out of nowhere, unexpected.
He's pulled back into the present only to find himself face to face with Will's slight frown and concerned eyes. The frown pulls at his lips in a way that has Mike almost lose focus again, until Will speaks up.
"Are you ok? You didn't even hear me come in."
His mole moves as he talks and his lips press together after he finishes speaking and Mike has to try REALLY hard to pull himself together enough to answer.
"Yeah. Yeah I'm good, just- got lost in thought for a second there."
His eyes are still on Will's lips, which is why he immediately notices when they start to quirk up into a smile and for a moment, he forgets to breathe. Then those lips part open only to-
"Mike. My eyes are up here."
The words are followed by barely contained giggles and it makes Mike snap out of the trance he'd found himself in immediately.
Will is full on laughing by the time Mike actually moves his gaze enough to meet his eyes and he can't even find it in himself to be embarrassed. Because the sound of Will's laughter sounds like bells chiming and it removes any other thoughts in Mike's head aside from 'I want him to always sound like that.'
Will then seems to realize that he's still being stared at and flushes that beautiful red again as he ducks his head to hide, shy and precious and still so pretty and Mike forces himself to look away because if he doesn't do it now, he doesn't think he ever will.
He feels Will sit back on the bed, finally getting up from where he'd been kneeling in front of Mike, as he glances around the room. It's only then that he takes notice of the multiple items now placed on Will's desk. Aside from the promised glass of water, Mike can also see a box of plasters, cotton pads, a small bottle of rubbing alcohol and what seem to be painkillers.
For a moment he's stunned, stuck staring at the items and wondering just how Will knew exactly what to bring.
Will must notice his new predicament because he answers Mike's question before he even thinks to voice it.
"Ah, I saw your knee earlier and got some things to clean and bandage it. Also got you an Advil. I figured you might have a headache after all the crying so."
He looks away again after he finishes speaking, sheepish. Mike can barely even process what he's being told over the sound of his own heart beating loud in his chest.
It'll never fail to amaze him just how perceptive and considerate Will is at all times. He thinks he just fell in love a little more. He didn't think it was possible but Will loves to prove him wrong.
It takes a while for Mike to find his voice.
"Thank you. And yeah you're right, my head is absolutely killing me. I swear you're some kind of mind reader or something.", he says, chuckling slightly.
Will meets his smile with one of his own.
"Shhh, that's a secret! It works only on you though." , he says between snickers.
"Oh?", Mike smirks, "So I'm just special?"
Will looks at him then, grin softening into something more tender.
"Yeah. You really are."
And Mike can tell he's not actually joking and now it's his turn to get flustered.
Eventually, Will's smike drops entirely and Mike already knows what's coming, dread flooding in.
"Before we talk, do you mind me just cleaning that scratch on your knee real quick? I know that's gotta hurt. And you can take the Advil for your head?", Will asks and Mike realizes he'd almost forgotten about all his pains yet again. Oh, the effect that Will Byers has on his senses.
"Uh yeah, that's...probably a good idea."
Will smiles and gets to work almost immediately, getting up, retrieving the pills and glass of water and handing them to Mike. He then proceeds to kneel at Mike's feet yet again, though this time his focus is solely on the wound.
Mike takes the advil and drinks his water as Will starts cleaning up the scratch. He barely even feels it at this point, but Will still makes it a point to be as careful as possible, going as far as to apologize if he sees Mike flinch even the slightest bit from the sting of the alcohol.
Mike can't keep his eyes off Will as the other works on bandaging his knee. Will's hands are so incredibly careful and so very delicate. Mike feels cared for in a way he's not sure he's ever experienced before. His eyes well up without his permission and he does his best not to start crying again as not to worry Will. The touch doesn't burn as much as it used to.
When Will finally puts the band-aid on, he stops and just stares for a while, face unreadable. Mike almost asks him if something is wrong, when suddenly Will leans in and presses a very light kiss on top of the band-aid. He pulls back almost immediately after, face red, as he hurries to explain himself.
"I just remembered that I used to do this when we were kids and- I just-"
Mike doesn't let him finish. His feels his cheeks burn as he grabs Will's face with both hands, also leaning down, and pressing his lips to Will's forehead.
He stays there for a moment, both of them unmoving, before pulling back, still holding the other's face, and makes sure to pour as much love as he can into his next words.
"Thank you."
Will stares at him, stunned, still just as red, and then his entire face just softens, his hands coming up to rest on top of Mike's, face leaning into the touch. Mike feels his heart doing cartwheels.
"Of course. It's my pleasure."
They stay like this for a while longer, until Mike reluctantly pulls back with a sigh, knowing he can't run from the conversation any longer.
Will seems to understand where this is going as he gets up to sit on the bed, close to Mike, but not enough to be suffocating.
"So, do you still want to talk about it?", Will asks, giving him an out if ne decides ne needs one, never demanding anything.
Mike takes a deep breath before looking away and speaking in a what he hopes is an unbothered sounding manner.
"Nothing happened really. It was just one of those days where the moment you wake up, you just know it's not gonna be a good day."
Will hmm's, nodding to show he's listening.
Mike takes one of Will's hands in his and tangles their fingers again, squeezing. It gives him the strength to look back at the other.
"I didn't sleep much last night, which led to me waking up with a headache. Tried making coffee but the machine was broken. Tried looking for painkillers next and guess what?", he asks, sarcastically.
Will snorts at his tone, eyes bright and mischievous.
"You were out of painkillers?"
"We were out of painkillers!", Mike groans, throwing his head back dramatically, as Will lets out those sweet little giggles again and it's the only sound Mike ever wants to hear.
"So of course my morning is already going great, as you can see! And then...", he trails off, looking away again.
Will lifts his free hands and puts it on Mike's arm, rubbing up and down comfortingly, encouraging him to speak.
With a sigh, Mike continues.
"Then my dad decided he needs to abuse his right to free speech."
He feels Will tense up just a bit before relaxing again, his hand never stopping its movement against Mike's arm. It feels so nice.
"What did he say?"
Will sounds resigned, already painfully aware of Ted Wheeler's usual bullshit, and Mike squeezes the hand he's holding again in sympathy. Will squeezes back.
"He asked me about college. And I was already so fed up with this day, I decided to just rip the band-aid off and say the truth. So I told him. And he, of course, didn't take it too well.", he explains with yet another tired sigh.
Will looks at him, eyes full of understanding and quiet support. Mike goes on.
"Then when I mentioned spending the gap year with you, he got all...ugh the typical stuff. 'What are the people gonna think?' and so on. I never really care what he has to say about me, but then he said something about YOU and I just- snapped. Yelled at him and then stormed off. And of course in the haste to get to my bike I just HAD to trip and scrape my knee. Just my luck.", he finishes off with a self depricating laugh, curling into himself slightly.
It's quiet for a while after that. Mike is almost scared to look at Will and see his reaction.
When he finally does look at the other, he finds Will's face twisted into an emotion he very rarely sees there. Will looks angry. Eyes staring off at the distance, sharp and full of carefully contained fury, his lips pressed tightly together, eyebrows scrunched and forming lines between them that Mike feels the instinctual need to smooth out with his thumb, though he refrains.
He realizes in passing that the hand Will has on his arm has dropped, while the one still intertwined with Mike's is squeezing harder than before. He barely even notices any of this, too busy taking in the view in front of him.
Will's fury is such a rare sight, Mike feels like he's witnessing something sacred, special. It looks good on him, albeit unusual. The other boy never really gets actually angry. Annoyed yes, but never truly mad. Mike can count on one hand the amount of times he's seen Will actually angry.
Thinking back to those times makes him remember the few of them which were pointed in his direction. It reminds him of arguments in the rain and running through the downpour to pound on Will's door to apologize. The memory sits heavy, like a stone deep in his gut and he tries his best to breathe through it, tries not to linger.
Because they're here now, years later. Mike has long since apologized about it and Will has reassured him time and time again that he's forgiven him a while ago. Mike doesn't think he could ever offer himself that same forgiveness, but for Will he'd promised to try.
Now he focuses on how that same angry look is directed at something that's hurting Mike, instead of Mike himself, and thinks about how buzzy it makes him feel. It feels like being looked after, protected. Mike's always been the one who does the protecting. It feels indescribably nice to be on the receiving end, especially when it's Will.
After a moment, Will shakes his head a bit as if to clear it, coming back to the present and turning back to Mike with a much milder version of that same look.
"I really hate your dad.", Will finally says, sounding so obviously frustrated, Mike can't help but let out a laugh.
"You and me both, Will"
Will expression also cracks up and he laughs along with Mike.
After calming down, Will lookes at him again, same soft gaze, though this time looking significantly more sad. Mike hates it.
"I'm sorry your day was so shitty." , he says earnestly, like it's his fault or something, and Mike is speaking before he even realizes he's opened his mouth.
"You've already made it so much better."
Will's eyes widen for a moment then his expression eases with what Mike can only describe as adoration. Will's hand is back on his arm, returning to that repetitive motion.
"Thank you for trusting me enough to come here.", he says, eyes never leaving his.
Mike flushes a little at the prospect of saying what he's about to say out loud, but says it regardless.
"It was...You know I don't usually like to go to anyone in moments like these.", he looks down at his lap, "It just feels too...I don't know. Exposing? It's just not something I've ever liked to trust people with."
He pauses, taking a breath. Will's hands on him stay present and firm and comforting and it gives Mike the courage to continue.
"But this time It...my first thought was you. About how you've never made me feel less for needing comfort. And how I'd really, really like that comfort right then."
He lifts his eyes back to Will.
"I know I'm not really, like, good? At this. Letting people close. Letting myself get close. It's just not something I'm used to. I freeze up and I can't relax and I can't talk and I can't move. It feels like the moment I let someone touch me, it's like I'm giving them a loaded gun and just standing there, trusting them not to shoot. It's- It's terrifying, Will. But...."
Mike looks down at their hands, still entangled. He then looks at his other arm, Will's hand warm and gentle, still offering comfort. His body shivers a little. He squeezes Will's hand harder.
When his gaze locks back on Will's, he sees nothing but love and encouragement. Hazel eyes a little misty again.
His voice shakes lightly as he speaks again.
"When I'm with you....it doesn't feel so scary. It's gonna take a while for me to entirely let go but, Will, you make it seem so easy. You make me feel safe. Like when I give you that gun, instead of shooting me, you're gonna use it to protect me, in case anything tries to hurt me."
At this point, the tears in Will's eyes overflow and slide town his face like gentle rivers. Mike uses his free hand to hold his jaw and brush them away, even as new ones keep coming.
Will's breath is stuttering, body shaking from emotion, but he's smiling so wide. Like he's just been told something wonderful and he's so happy he can barely contain it in his body.
"Mike, I..", he has to pause to take a breath," You make me feel safe too. When I'm with you, it's like nothing can hurt me anymore. The monsters from the Upside Down feel so far away, like as long as we're together, nothing can stop us."
Will's free hand has migrated towards Mike's face, holding it similarly to the way Mike is holding his.
"All my life, I've always been told I'm 'too emotional'. That it makes me weak. But you never made me feel weak for it. You made me feel like being emotional makes me even stronger. Like it's ok to cry, to fall apart, because you'll always be there to pick up the pieces with me after. I'm so, so happy I can offer you that same reassurance. I'm so glad you feel that way with me too."
Mike can feel his own eyes start to burn. He's so thankful to have Will Byers in his life. So unbelievably thankful that he'd asked him to be friends, so long ago now, back on that faithful swing set. It's still the best thing he's ever done.
For a long moment, they just stay like this, holding each other, brushing away the other's tears and smiling. Mike wants to keep this moment forever. Wants to never let go of Will, to always have him like this.
His eyes betray him yet again, as they slide down to Will's lips. He thinks about how much Will means to him, how much he loves him and how much he wants to give Will all that love he has in him and more.
"Will?", he speaks up, more breath than sound.
"Yeah?", Will answers, voice low, almost a whisper.
"Can I kiss you?"
He feels Will shiver under the weight of his gaze, his touch.
"Please."
Mike doesn't waste a second, immediately surging forward to capture those lips he couldn't pull his eyes away from earlier between his.
Will responds just as eagerly, though the kiss stays gentle, despite the obvious desperation from both sides. Mike untangles his hand from Will's and uses it to grab at his waist, pulling him closer still. It never feels like close enough.
Will uses his now free hand to tangle into Mike's hair and draw him in further. It has Mike letting out a soft involuntarily sound, before he presses against his lips even harder, deepening the kiss.
Will is obviously inexperienced, this being his first kiss. The thought of being Will's first kiss make him dizzy with desire. He uses his limited experience to guide him through it, capturing his bottom lip between his own and biting gently.
It results in Will letting out a sound of his own, a quiet whine, as the hand in his hair tightens further, trying to pull him even closer. Mike feels hot all over. He never wants this to end. It's like he didn't realize he'd been starving and now that he's had a taste, he needs to devour.
At some point, the unfortunate need for oxygen pushes Mike into finally leaning away. Will's lips chase after his subconsciously, before he too seems to realize the need to breathe and also pulls back slightly, not far. They press their foreheads together and attempt to catch their breaths.
After they've calmed down a bit, Mike gets an idea. He can't help the smile that pulls at his lips and is especially pleased when he notices Will's eyes following the movement. He gives Will a moment more to stare, bathing in the attention, before swiftly wrapping his hands around him and letting himself fall backwards on the bed, effectively dragging Will with him.
Will lets out a startled yelp as he falls right on Mike's chest. He stays unmoving for a moment, before looping his hands around Mike's neck and burying his face in the junction of his neck. Mike feels him take a deep breath before sighing softly, his whole body going lax against his. The feeling of Will's warm breath on his skin tickles a little, almost burning, but in a good way somehow.
"You could have just asked to cuddle, you know? You didn't have to drag me."
Mike feels the words more than he hears them, the sensation of Will's mouth moving against the sensitive skin of his neck making him shiver.
"Where's the fun in that?"
Will lets out a soft chuckle and nuzzles his face further.
Mike can hear the other's heart racing and that somehow calms him further. The knowledge that Will is just as nervous about this as he is. He lets himself relax completely, burying his own face in Will's hair, smelling his shampoo and smiling at the apple scent he's grown so familiar with.
They stay like this for a long time, both of them eventually falling asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~
Joyce Byers and Jim Hopper come home to a quiet apartment and that's their first clue that something's not right. After dealing with interdimensional beings for years, they've learned to always be cautious. Joyce knows her son. He's always humming or listening to music and he never fails to come and greet her when he hears her come in.
For a moment, she thinks he might have fallen asleep or something. Hoping it's this and not that he's just not in the house at all and hasn't told anyone he's leaving.
Joyce looks at Hopper and motions for him to check the kitchen, while she checks Will's room. With a mutual nod, they both go off.
When her hand touches the handle of the door, Joyce can't help but pause to lean in and try to make out if there's anything on the other side. Silence is the only thing that greets her. She leans back and takes a deep breath before finally pushing the door open and stopping in her tracks.
The sight before her makes warmth burst into her chest, heart calming at the reassurance that her son is safe and sound. Not only that, but here he is, wrapped in the arms of the boy she knows he's been in love with for as long as she can remember. Will never told her anything about it, but Joyce knows her boy like the back of her hand.
She looks at them for a moment longer, just taking them in, feeling so indescribably happy and proud, before silently leaving and closing the door behind her.
When Hopper sees her and asks if she found Will, she tells him he's asleep and more than ok, smiling knowingly. The man looks slightly confused at her expression, but decides not to question it.