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Dennis had been planning on flying back home for Christmas alone. Though truthfully, he hadn’t been planning on going back at all, at least not until the first of the year when plane tickets were cheaper and airports less crowded. But his oldest brother, Ben, had been adamant, swearing up and down that he had a surprise that simply couldn’t wait another couple of weeks. They’d been on good terms for a while, especially as they’d gotten deeper into adulthood, but time and distance and life always seemed to interfere, and it had been a couple of months since they’d done more than send a sporadic check-in text. But after a couple of extended phone calls culminating in Ben’s pleas for him to come home for the holidays, Dennis realized just how much he missed everyone, so he’d agreed to fly in on the 21st. “You got a girlfriend yet, Denny?”
“Ah… N-no. No girlfriend.” Dennis immediately kicked himself and prayed that the way he’d heard it in his own ears, the emphasis a little too heavy on the ‘girl’ part of the word, wasn’t as apparent to Ben over the phone. But a few seconds passed, a few too many, before he heard Ben chuckle softly over the line.
“Look, I know Mom and Dad can be weird about gay stuff, but you know I don’t care, right?”
“...I know.”
“You should bring him with you. All our wives will be here, too, plus Rivers’s and Kenny’s kids. Could be fun.”
Ben had been the first person Dennis came out to, and the only one back home that he’d come out to before moving to Pittsburgh. His mother later proved to be reluctantly accepting of, if not a little confused by, his bisexuality, questioning why he wouldn’t just choose “the heterosexual part” of his identity and keep any same-sex attraction tucked away. His father had been a harder nut to crack, but his mother’s softness eventually won him over, especially when Dennis announced his acceptance into med school 1,100 miles away. And the twins, Kenny and Rivers -his other brothers- erred on the positive side of ambivalence, which Dennis felt was the best reaction of everyone outside of Ben. “It’s still a little nerve-wracking. It’s one thing to say I’m into guys, but to actually bring one home…”
“How about I get you guys an Airbnb? I won’t let anyone know you’re bringing him, so you’ll have a little more wiggle room if you change your mind.”
“That’s- Are you sure? I’d hate to-”
“Consider it my Christmas gift to you guys.”
Dennis was quiet for a moment, then laughed quietly. “He’s Jewish.”
“Hannukah gift then. Any other interesting details I should know about him?”
His laughter picked up then, interspersed with a couple of quiet, incredulous curses before Dennis settled enough to talk. “God, Ben, they’re going to have a fit. He’s, uh… My boss-”
“Dennis!”
“-and he’s mom and dad’s age.”
“Dennis!”
“I mean, if we’re splitting hairs, he’s younger. Mom and dad are, what, 55? Robby’s 54.”
“You’re dating a 54-year-old man named Robby?!”
Anxiety gripped Dennis for a moment, but it dispersed quickly when Ben laughed on the other end of the line. “It’s a nickname. His name is Michael. Michael Robinavitch.”
“Doctor Michael Robinavitch. That title is gonna soften the blow, Den.” Their laughter died down, and Ben waited a moment before speaking again with quiet sincerity. “He’s good to you? You’ve never felt, like, forced to…”
“God no. I mean, yes he’s good to me, no I’ve not- He’s never made me feel pressured or anything. I met him during a rotation, but dating never even came up until I was done. He’s only my boss now because I managed to get placed at PTMC.”
“Well I’m looking forward to meeting him. And to seeing you again.”
“You too. I, uh, probably ought to get going. I need to do laundry, and I work in the morning… But I’ll talk to Robby.”
“Love you, kiddo.”
“Love you, too.”
It had been only a moderately tough sell to convince Robby to join him for the trip, but it still wasn’t enough to keep Robby’s apprehension fully at bay. “You’re sure about this, Den? I don’t want to cause any kind of… familial issues.”
“You won’t be causing issues. If there’s an issue, it’s with them. And I can already guarantee you Ben is in our corner. You’re gonna love him, by the way. All of my brothers are great, you know, now that we’re all grown. My parents, too. They’re just… Traditional.”
“You were going to say old.”
“I was not! I…” They stared at one another for a moment, a game of chicken over who was going to smile first, and Dennis quickly burst into a laugh. “They’re old fashioned. But maybe the age thing will work to our advantage. Like… You’re proof that being accepting doesn’t have an age limit. I’m cautiously optimistic.”
The seatbelt light blinked on and chirped as the pilot’s voice came over the speaker, light and tinny. Robby leaned over toward Dennis to continue their conversation in a whisper. “I love you, Dennis, but you’re skimping on the cautious part of your cautious optimism. I want this to go well, but- You know, I just, I think about Jake coming up to me one day with a woman my age on his arm and… I’m a hypocrite, I know.”
Dennis finished fastening his seatbelt, and he turned his head to look at Robby, to the clear nervousness settled in the lines of the older man’s face, and he leaned forward, kissing the corner of Robby’s mouth lightly. “I am in love with you, Michael Robinavitch. My parents' approval, or lack thereof, isn’t going to change that. And I do really think they’ll like you. I know I’ve not talked about them a whole lot so you don’t have much to base that on, but just… try to trust me.”
The intercom shut off and Robby leaned his head against the back of his seat, smiling when he felt Dennis’s fall to his shoulder. They stayed like that, still and silent, finding solace in one another’s presence as the plane barrelled down the runway until finally the earth fell out from underneath them and they ascended upward and toward the vastness of the midwest. It wasn’t until the captain’s voice chirped back over the intercom to announce that they’d reached altitude that Robby finally took a deep breath and truly relaxed. His muscles went loose, and he let his head droop, resting atop Dennis’s where it still lay on his shoulder. “Tell me more about your family.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Just… whatever you want to tell me.” He kissed the top of Dennis’s head softly while reaching over to his lap to clasp their hands together.
Dennis loved Robby’s hands. They were one of the first things that stood out to him on his first day at PTMC. Long slender fingers that seemed to operate on muscle memory alone, deft and quick and precise in their movements. Broad palms that wrapped around his shoulders completely, keeping Dennis warm and steady and safe. Calloused, scarred fingertips and knuckles dusted with soft, dark hair and prominent veins that pumped underneath his skin, Dennis’s name embedded in every cell that swept through them and back through his heart. He squeezed Robby’s hand in his own and took a breath. “My dad, Dayton, is a lifelong Nebraskan farmer. He met my mom at the grocery store where she worked. Ben was, like, a year old at that point. Apparently my grandparents weren’t fans of her getting pregnant while unmarried, so she moved out of state to live with her older sister once she started showing and they found out. She was trying to work to save up for her own place, take care of him…”
“So you guys are half brothers?”
“Yeah. I don’t know much about his dad. None of us do. All Mom’s really said was that she was kind of a party girl the summer after she graduated high school. Her whole friend group was going to be splitting off and going to different schools in the fall, so they just kind of spent the summer together, hanging out, enjoying the time they had left. And apparently she was hooking up with one of the guys. She was on birth control, but you know, nothing’s 100%, and Ben was born the following spring.”
“Did the guy at least pay child support?”
“No. She wanted what was best for Ben, obviously, and she figured being totally present for him instead of hunting down a guy she’d already made peace with was what was best. She said the whole point of that summer was that they -like, the whole group- were friends but knew they were all about to lead really separate lives. Plus he was a college student, so she knew he was broke anyway.” They laughed quietly, and Dennis nuzzled his head further against the crook of Robby’s neck. “So yeah. When she and Dad got married a couple years later, he adopted Ben. Mom was kind of salty at her parents. They’d made amends, because she really wanted them at the wedding, but they put a lot of pressure on her to take Dad’s last name, even though she really wanted to hyphenate it and give Ben and whatever other kids they had both last names. She felt like they were trying to sort of take it from her I think, which just made her want to keep it even more. Ben didn’t have a middle name, and he’d had mom’s maiden name obviously, so she just made it his middle name. A few years later she had my other brothers Kenny and Rivers, who are twins, and they both got the same middle name. And then when I came along ten months later, I got it, too. It’s Meriwhether.”
“So what I’m hearing is that you have a really fascinating family that I’m only just now learning about.”
“Don’t get your hopes too high. Mom especially has really mellowed out.” He looked up and playfully jabbed his elbow into Robby’s side. “Old age will do that to a person.”
Broken Bow was about an hour drive from the airport in Kearney. Ben had already sent Dennis the address for their Airbnb, so Dennis typed it into the GPS for the rental car while Robby adjusted his seat and mirrors. “Did a child have this car before us?”
“Could’ve just been someone who isn’t, like twelve feet tall.”
“I’m six-one!”
“Oh is that all, Goliath?” Dennis fastened his seatbelt and started going through radio stations until landing one playing 90s rock. “That’s another thing. Mom and Dad neither one are very tall. I’m actually taller than Mom, and I think Dad’s, like, five-nine? And Kenny and Rivers are both basically the same height as me. We got accused of being triplets a lot when we were younger.”
“Accused is a strong word.” They pulled onto the highway, flanked by open, snow-dusted fields as far as the eye could see, and Robby’s hand fell to Dennis’s thigh. Despite the familiarity of it, Dennis still found himself getting butterflies like he had the first time Robby had done it and like he did every time they got into the car together since when the older man’s palm immediately came to rest on the same spot.
“Yeah, well when you’re already sharing a birthday with someone, you tend to get defensive when someone suggests throwing another in the mix. Plus Ben’s tall and, like, ten years older than me, so it sort of inadvertently made the three of us look a lot more alike by proxy. But we used it to our advantage. We’d all go out together and Ben would get us into R-rated movies because he could pass as our uncle. He took us to a couple water parks over the years, we went to the zoo in Omaha a couple times… Mom trusted him because he was older, and everyone else just saw an adult with kids, so we were kind of left alone. It was fun, really. Probably why Ben and I have stayed closer than I have with everyone else. He still gave me shit, he was still my brother, but he grew out of it quicker because he was older.”
“I’m glad you guys get along. Having family is only what it’s cracked up to be if you actually want to be around one another.”
“Yeah.” The song on the radio changed to one Dennis recognized, a dreamy pop-rock song that his mom would hum as a lullaby or sing softly to herself while following behind the younger boys, gathering toys and clothes in her arms. ‘Oh, my life is changing every day, in every possible way…’ Dennis reached out and turned the volume up before settling back in against Robby’s shoulder, letting his eyes fall shut and the melody fill the car as they continued rolling down the road in comfortable silence, save the music and Dolores O’Riordan’s voice. ‘And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don’t hurt me, you’re what I couldn’t find…’
After settling in to the Airbnb, Dennis sent Ben a text, letting them know they’d arrived safely, and a moment later his phone rang. “Hello?”
“Hey! Good trip?”
“Yeah, it wasn’t bad. This place is, like, super nice, too. I hope you didn’t spend too much.”
“So when were you thinking about coming over? I know you just got in, so no rush.”
Robby walked back into the room, having taken their bags to the bedroom, and raised his eyebrows at Dennis. “Just a sec, Ben…” He moved the phone away from his mouth to talk to Robby, dropping his voice low and covering the receiver with his hand. “Ben wants to know when we’re coming over. Were you wanting to…”
“Yeah. Give me a bit to stretch my legs and…” His fingers slipped through Dennis’s belt loops, and he tugged the younger man against his own body, mouth dropping to his neck with an abrupt, delicate assault of lips and tongue. He moved his lips up to Dennis’s jaw and then his ear, pressing a kiss there before whispering softly into it. “You really should come see the bedroom.”
Dennis gasped and bit his bottom lip, giggling softly as Robby’s lips dragged along his throat, and finally brought the phone back to his face. “Give us a bit to get settled in. I can, uh, call o-or text when we’re ready.”
“Sounds great. Looking forward to seeing you and meeting your old man.”
“Shut up.” Dennis laughed softly, still fighting to choke back the sounds Robby had mastered pulling from him with every little touch and scrape of teeth. “Talk to you later.”
“Love you, man.”
“Love you, too.” He hung up and dropped the phone onto the coffee table beside him just as Robby’s hands slipped down to his ass, squeezing tightly and tugging Dennis upward. It was a familiar dance, one Dennis knew well, and he slung his arms over Robby’s shoulders and hopped upward, wrapping his legs around the older man’s waist as he was carried off down the hallway.
Eventually five minutes of kissing became fifteen minutes of touching and twenty of tasting, and Dennis was grateful that Ben had found them a place to stay with no neighbors within at least a quarter of a mile once the hour mark hit and he was on top of Robby, sweating and screaming and bouncing himself in his lap while bracing his elbows on the mattress on either side of the older man’s head. The position left his cock trapped between them, dragging against the soft curve of Robby’s stomach, and Dennis’s found himself driving Robby into himself as much as he was chasing the friction of body hair and plush, pliant flesh against his length, whimpering every time his cockhead caught on Robby’s navel. “Robby, I’m close…”
“Me too. Hold out for me just a little, sweetheart. Just a little longer and we can together.”
Dennis tried to reign himself in, tried to think about something just un-sexy enough to hold himself back, and in his cock-drunk stupor began mumbling his internal monologue against Robby’s throat. “Gonna have to shower before we leave. Don’t wanna smell like sex in front of my mom.”
But it proved counterproductive as Robby turned it around on him. “We’ll shower together then. That way I can pull another one out of you before we leave. It’s a big shower, there’s plenty of room for me to get on my knees.. suck you off...” As if to drive home the point, Robby’s hand slipped between them. He didn’t take Dennis in his hand, instead laying a broad, heavy palm against the younger man’s steadily-leaking dick parallel to his own stomach, creating a tight channel for him to rut into. “I packed some essentials.”
“E-essentials?” Dennis was whimpering to the point of near tears as his hips began to lose some of their rhythm as he neared his peak. “What kind of-”
“A plug.” Robby’s free hand slid around him and he pressed his fingers against where his cock was buried inside of him. “Keep it inside you. Maybe it’ll take and by next Christmas you’ll have another grandbaby for them.”
“Jesus Christ, Robby, I’m-”
“Wanna make me a daddy, Den?”
Dennis threw his head back as he quickly sat upright, causing two of Robby’s fingers to slip inside himself alongside his cock. “Y-yeah. Yeah, yes, you’d- Oh you’d be so-” His voice caught in his throat while Robby’s hand worked over his cock quickly, and Dennis fully sat himself and trembled, his voice coming out in a whimpering, choked-out shout as he shot long, heavy ropes of his release over Robby’s stomach. “R-r- daddy! Daddy! Fuck, it’s- Hurry. Hurry, cum inside me.” Robby’s hands went to Dennis’s waist, and he helped the younger man speed up his movements even as his legs shook before spilling inside of him a moment later.
Dennis’s body went limp, collapsing onto Robby’s as they both gasped for air. They stayed quiet for a few moments until Dennis finally climbed off of him and rolled onto the mattress, whining as Robby’s cum spilled from his hole and trickled down his thigh. Before his lips could meet Robby’s, the older man’s curled into a smile. “‘Daddy’ is a new one.”
“I’m not taking the blame for that, that was all you.”
“I did sort of set you up I guess. Accidentally, in my defense.” They laughed softly through panted breaths and short, sweet kisses. “But if you want to keep that in the lexicon…”
Dennis rolled his eyes and rested his palm on Robby’s chest, kissing him fully and sliding his hand up playfully to the older man’s throat before breaking the kiss and climbing reluctantly out of the bed. “Let’s shower and head over there while we’re still too stupid with endorphins to think about what a bad idea this is.”
It wasn’t until they pulled into the driveway of Dennis’s childhood home that the reality hit him. “Ben’s the only one who knows you’re coming. He’s the only one who even knows I’m dating someone. What if-”
“No time for What if.” Robby squeezed Dennis’s thigh just hard enough that he turned and locked their eyes. “I can head back to the Airbnb if you want. You can tell them I’m an Uber.”
“No.” Dennis shook his head quickly and leaned in to kiss him. “No, I want this. I love you. I want them to know you and to know that I love you. And that you love me.”
“Alright.” They kissed again, slower, until Robby shut off the ignition and unfastened his seatbelt. “Let’s do this.”
Ben answered the door and immediately pulled Dennis into a hug. He was, as Dennis had said, significantly taller. Once he stepped back and turned to Robby, he realized they were roughly eye-to-eye with one another. “You must be Robby.” They extended their hands simultaneously. “I’m Rueben, Denny’s brother. Just call me Ben.”
“I’ve heard nothing but good things about you, Ben.”
“Let’s get you guys inside, meet the family.” They shuffled inside and kicked their shoes off as Ben took their coats. “Dad and the guys are watching football in the den. The kids have taken over the living room, and-”
“Dennis!” A young woman swept into the room and pulled Dennis into a hug. “Oh my God, how’ve you been?!”
“Good! Great, really.” They stepped back from one another, hands still gripping the other’s shoulders. She looked to be in her late twenties, with a curly, ginger bob and wide eyes. Her earrings swung and bobbed as she moved, bright red cherries that matched the excited blush of her cheeks. “This is my partner, Robby.” He turned to Robby then, eyes full of fondness and smiling in a broad, genuine way that made Dennis’s heart flutter. “Robby, this is my sister-in-law Jess, Kenny’s wife.”
“His fault,” she joked. “Dennis and I worked together at a fast food place back in high school. Kenny got tired of me telling him to stop being such a shit to his little brother, and he made it up to me by knocking me up. Three times.”
“You made amends, that’s the important part.”
“Talking about me in here?” A man, presumably Kenny, suddenly appeared, sidling up behind Jess and kissing the top of her head before extending his hand to Robby and looking at Dennis. “‘Bout time you come see us, stranger. Who’s tall, dark, and handsome, here?”
Dennis found himself blushing as he watched the two of them shake hands. “This is Robby, my partner. We, uh… work together. Robby, Kenny.”
“Oh shit, we’ve got two doctors in the family now.” Their hands parted and Kenny slung his arms around Jess’s waist. “Denny’s about to get us out of the hood, babe.”
Jess rolled her eyes and laughed, giving him a good-natured shove. “We’re in fucking rural Nebraska, dipshit.”
Suddenly Dennis felt himself being picked up from behind and swung around before being dropped back to his feet with a soft grunt. “When did you get fat?” Rivers walked around in front of him. He, understandably, looked like Kenny, but his hair was longer and pulled up into a bun on the back of his head.
“I’m not fat, I’m in shape. Remember what that’s like?” Dennis grabbed his brother’s waist jokingly, pinching at the minimal excess fat at his waistband. He was loosening up quickly, and Robby was absolutely beaming behind him, watching Dennis the brother stretch his arms as he awoke from his hibernation. Robby was so entranced at watching it unfold, in fact, that he almost missed his introduction. “And this is Rivers.”
Robby’s eyes fluttered as they came back into focus and turned toward the man in front of him, extending his hand. “Nice to meet you, Doc. Pretty sure my old lady’s in the kitchen with Ma and Winona.”
Ben piped up again. “Winona being my wife.”
A sudden thundering of hurried footsteps and children’s voices began to crescendo as a handful of kids came roaring into the front room, calling out for Dad in various high-pitched voices, like a nestful of baby birds chirping for dinner. Rivers began patting them on their heads, counting them off in numbers until four were accounted for. “This is my gaggle. Somehow managed to swing two sets of twins over the course of a few years. And yes, I apologize to my wife daily.”
An older man walked in then, and Robby felt Dennis go rigid next to him. He wrapped his fingers around Dennis’s wrist, a comforting gesture as much as a clinical one, feeling his pulse under his fingertips and counting the beats. Rivers gathered his brood and shuffled them back out of the room, following closely to keep them wrangled, with Jess and Kenny not far behind. Ben, however, stayed put, moving to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Dennis, joining Robby in protectively flanking either side of him as the patriarch approached. “Dennis, it’s good to see you, son.” Dennis’s father, Dayton, was what one might describe as portly, with his rounded midsection that seemed almost deliberate, the result of a decades long meat-and-potatoes diet, and strong limbs and weathered skin from a lifetime of summers and harvests in the fields. He extended his hand to Dennis, who took it nervously before being pulled into a hug. When they broke apart and stepped back, a noisy sort of silence lingered as Dayton’s eyes flicked over to Robby and then back again to Dennis. “You going to introduce me to your friend here?”
“Y-yeah. Yeah, no, of course. Dad, this is Robby. My… My boyfriend.” It wasn’t lost on Robby that Dennis had altered his phrasing, and he knew it was an intentional choice, ensuring the clarity of their relationship, not wanting to dance around any awkward, comforting ambiguity. “We met at work. He’s… I wouldn’t be the doctor I am without him.”
Dayton’s handshake was noticeably firmer than that of his sons. Even as their hands stilled he held on for an extra moment, squeezing Robby’s in his own before covering them with his free hand and breaking into a sudden, warm smile. “Glad you could join us, Robby.” He looked at Dennis again, that same smile staying in place and, if anything, softening some more with a quiet reassurance that shattered the tension in Dennis’s muscles and allowed him to relax. Dayton’s hands fell back to his sides as he looked back over at Robby and nudged him with his elbow. “I will say, he comes by it honestly. His momma is a whole six months my senior. My little cougar.”
As if on cue, an older woman walked into the room, her face dusted with flour as she emerged from the kitchen and hurried toward Dennis. She had long, shiny hair that hung past her shoulders in gold and silver strands, and the same wide, blue-gray eyes as Dennis. “Oh, baby, I’m so glad you made it!” It was as if no one else existed as she hurried across the room and swept Dennis up in her arms, kissing his temple and cooing over his hair and clothes and pink, well-rested cheeks. “I was going to ask if you were taking care of yourself, but of course you are, just look at you!”
“Yeah, I’m doing well. It helps that I, uh…” He swallowed hard as his pulse quickened again, ready to rip off the bandaid. “That I’m dating a doctor, too. Even if I wanted to, he wouldn’t let me neglect myself.” He turned his head and looked up at Robby briefly before looking back at his mom, just as she followed his eyes to the older man. “Mom, this is my boyfriend, Ro-”
“Michael?”
The air left the room, and over the course of seconds -milliseconds perhaps- the energy took a sharp left turn. If not for his own heartbeat suddenly pounding in his ears, Dennis was certain he would’ve heard Robby’s, too, in a terrible percussive duet. He grabbed on to Robby’s arm, as much for his own grounding and comfort as for Robby’s, only to find his skin suddenly much clammier than it had been mere seconds prior. The room was as loud as it was noiseless, as suffocating as it was sparse, everything and everyone suddenly contrary to what they were and what they had been moments ago. Finally Robby broke the silence, choking out a single shaky word. “Lila?”
It would’ve been remarkable in any other context the way so much was said with so little. Minimal words and looks and motions giving way to so much backstory that Dennis felt almost sick with it. But just when he’d gotten a handle on the nausea it bubbled up, shooting fire through his chest as Robby and his mother turned their heads simultaneously in the same direction.
Toward Ben.
Dark eyed, six-foot-one, bastard child Ben.
And then it got worse, because somehow it always got worse. The stagnant, aching silence was broken as a young woman walked in, beaming and waving and offering hellos, not yet aware of the terrible, knowing silence in the room. Ben’s wife, Winona. Ben reached out toward her, taking her hand as he pulled her in close and tucked her under his arm. “Dennis, you remember Winona.” Dennis finally looked over to Ben, his features suddenly too familiar, and his gaze fell away, downward. Down to Ben’s midsection. To Winona’s. The bile finally moved from his throat to his mouth as Ben gestured weakly to her heavily-pregnant middle, and his voice cracked and shook when he spoke. “Surprise.”
The dinner table was the same one it had been since Dennis was a child, big enough to accommodate the six of them while leaving enough space to breathe and move without touching, lest the live wires of their limbs brush and combust. Lila and Dayton sat at opposite ends, just as they had throughout Dennis’s childhood, and Dennis himself sat to the right of his mother, again, a default, muscle memory-driven decision that only served to make him feel that much smaller than he already did. To his right, of course, was Robby, and across from Dennis was Ben. His brother. Robby’s-
Another rush of bile pooled on his tongue, and Dennis stood and hurried to the sink, spitting it down the drain through the warring coughing and dry heaving that had been ravaging his head and chest until everything was congested and aching. His mother reached out as he rounded the table again, grasping at his hand for comfort -either her own or his- but he couldn’t accept it, instead sitting back down and scooting toward the table until the edge of it jammed against his ribs. Another few silent moments passed -every moment had been silent since they’d walked into the room and shut the delicate French doors, pulling the yellowed curtains to shield them from the rest of the family- before Dennis finally cleared his throat and spoke. “So what the fuck do we do now?”
“A paternity test.” It wasn’t that it was a bad suggestion, but Dennis was absolutely certain Robby was not the one who should’ve made it.
Lila sucked in a quick breath, swallowing down a sob, a shout, something that she knew was counterproductive to the conversation at hand. She exhaled slowly, waiting for the last bit of air to vacate her lungs and sending her words out on it. “Okay. But there’s no way he’s not-”
“Okay, it’s settled. I’ll pay for it.” The legs of Robby’s chair squeaked as he pushed himself back from the table, but before he could fully stand, Dennis’s hand was bunched in his jacket, gently pulling him back down.
“Robby, this isn’t going away. We can’t ignore this.”
“Den, I’m…” He leaned in toward Dennis, pressing their temples together and resting his lips on the ridge of his ear, words spilling from his lips in a shaky whisper. “I can’t do this. I had no idea. I had no idea, I need you to believe me, baby.”
“I believe you. It never crossed my mind to doubt you.” Dennis’s voice, too, was a ghost of itself, trembling and rough as it snaked up his vomit-raw throat. “But that doesn’t change this. We’re here now. This is happening. We’ll all be better off if we just let it happen.” Dennis reached over underneath the table and quickly found Robby’s hand, and he wove their fingers together, holding on tightly despite his own shaking. “We have to figure this out, because it won’t figure itself out.”
“I can call around.” Winona’s voice was meek and exhausted. “A friend of mine, she works in social services, so I’m sure she knows of some places that can get same-day results, even. You know, so we don’t have to wait. We might have to go to Omaha, but…”
Ben looked like he had aged a decade over the past several minutes. He was fidgety, rolling his neck and scratching his beard and squeezing his eyes shut as he thought, all familiar mannerisms that, were there any left to spare, Dennis was sure would’ve sent more stomach acid to his mouth. “No, I’ll do it.” Ben’s voice sounded like embers, sizzling red coals that were on the verge of crumbling under the slightest agitation. “I should be the one who-”
“No, your mother should.” Dayton was even more stately under pressure, and his voice reflected it, his tone even and sure. “I say this with kindness, Lil, but this is-”
“No, you’re right. You’re… I just never- What are the chances? How do you plan for this?”
“You don’t. You can’t.” Robby finally looked up at Lila, for the first time since they’d all sat down. “All you can do is be honest from the get go and hope any future meet and greets feel less like Springer tropes and more like happy accidents.”
“Mike, we were kids. I was scared. What sense would it have made for me to have tried to get in touch?”
“What sense? Do you hear yourself, Lila?” They stared at one another for several long moments before Robby finally broke, tears streaking his face before he spoke again. “Did you just not want me involved? I’d have helped out, even if it was just financially. I’d have…”
“Been his dad?” Lila shook her head with a resigned laugh. “You were in school, you needed to focus on that. You wanted a career. I didn’t know what I wanted. You, all of you guys, had it figured out. One of us had to be the late bloomer, and I’m glad it was me. Imagine if I’d reached out. If you’d come back, or if I’d gone to you. None of this could’ve happened. I wouldn’t have Dayton or the boys.” Her eyes moved to Dennis, and she smiled softly, tight-lipped and sweet even as she held back tears. “And you two…”
“So you’re just okay with all of this?” Ben’s voice was incredulous and bolstered, punctuated by his palms landing on the table with a heavy thud. “My wife is a month away from giving birth to my little brother’s grandchild and-”
“Jesus Christ, Ben, can-”
“Language!”
“Can we all please-”
Suddenly they were all making up for time lost to the uncomfortable silence, voices raising and talking over one another, the cacophony of it increasing in volume like the whistling of a tea kettle until a sudden bang cut them off as Robby’s fists slammed against the tabletop. He let the sudden silence breathe for a moment before speaking. “I’m going to say something, and it’s going to sound cruel, so I need you all to take it in factually and not emotionally, alright?” Robby took his time meeting everyone’s eyes, ending with Ben and holding the eye contact for a moment before continuing. “Ben, you are a good man -a great man- by all accounts and by what limited albeit fucked up interaction I’ve had with you. And, again, I say this not as an asshole but as someone who is trying my absolute fucking hardest to ultimately make this easier for all of us, okay?”
“Yeah.” Ben nodded, swallowing hard and shaking under the force of his willpower as he kept his eyes locked in on Robby’s. “Yeah, okay. Say it.”
Robby took a deep breath and dropped his voice lower, calmer, and waited an extra beat to listen for any voices or footsteps outside of the room. “That man.” He nodded toward Dayton, following the gesture with a definitive point in his direction. “That man is your father. I am not your father. Biologically sure, but we are, for all intents and purposes, strangers. And if we’re speaking in familial terms, my feelings for you are not paternal, they are brotherly. Because your brother here,” Robby slipped his arm over Dennis’s shoulders and pulled him close, “is the love of my life. Everything about me and my life has gotten better since the day he decided I was worth taking a chance on. I have grown and learned more about myself than I ever imagined I could at my age.” He turned to Lila then. “You’re right. You were right then, and you’re right now. If this was how it had to happen, then c’est la vie I guess. We can’t change anything now, and I wouldn’t. Ben is here, and he’s a great man and brother, and I’m positive he’s going to be an amazing father. You’ve got Kenny and Rivers and a baseball team’s worth of kids running around here excited to spend Christmas with grandma and grandpa.” Soft laughter sprung up across the table, followed by a collective subtle relaxing of everyone’s shoulders. “And somehow I was lucky enough to have one of my favorite people from my most formative years come back into my life in the most cartoonishly fucked up way two people could possibly reunite.”
Lila’s laughter turned louder and more genuine as she wiped the fresh tears that sprung to her eyes. “You always were such a good kid. Not the best of the bunch by far-”
“Not even close.”
“-but a good kid.” The sound of voices outside of the room was beginning to slowly increase as people began milling about in the group’s absence, and Lila lowered her voice. “This is… weird. It’s unconventional. And I’m not going to pretend like I’m not glad there’s a lot of distance between us on a normal basis. But I’m also so glad that Dennis has you, because I know he’s taken care of and loved the way he deserves. The other boys have all stuck around so I’ve watched their relationships turn to marriages in real time. And when Dennis left, I knew he was likely going to find someone and that I wouldn’t be around to see it happen. I’m just glad he chose to introduce us at all. God knows I’ve not always been as supportive as I ought to have been at the prospect of him dating men. So for him to have brought you here today tells me that he loves you enough, and that you love him enough, that he feels safe. At the end of the day that’s all I’ve ever wanted for my boys.” She reached over and grabbed Dennis’s hand, and he let her take it, squeezing back. “That being said, I do think we’re all going to need some space from one another, so no offense, but I am relieved that you two have a place to stay. And as much as I love seeing you, maybe we wait a while for any more visits. The chances of this happening were, statistically, just a hair above zero. But God or fate or the universe, whatever you believe is pulling the strings, is strange and mysterious, and there’s no doubt in my mind that we’re all right where we need to be. If we try to force things to be normal, we’re only going to make them feel all the more abnormal, so I’m not interested in challenging God. That does more harm than good. I’m not interested in doing any more harm.”
Dennis inhaled deeply, steadying his shaky breath and nodding before slowly breathing out. “I love you, Mom. But I do think Robby and I should go. I need time to process. We all need time to process.”
“I understand.” She stood up, and the rest of the table followed suit before slowly making their move toward the doors. There was an unspoken agreement that the discussion would live and die around the dining room table, which led to a certain collective relief once the room was opened back up.
Lila wordlessly followed Dennis and Robby to the front door, their sudden departure happening quietly and unannounced under her escort. There were no hugs or ‘see you later’s, just whispered goodbyes as the two men slipped out onto the porch and down the driveway. No lingering looks back or waiting at the door for the car to pull back onto the road were had, and no words were spoken until the house was no longer visible in the rearview mirrors. “Robby…”
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
“Are… How are you feeling?”
“Not sure yet. I mean, I could list everything I’ve felt for the past thirty minutes or so, but I’m not sure what feelings are still around or winning the emotional rat race.” They reached a stop sign, and Robby turned his head to Dennis. “I do know that I love you and that nothing has changed there. And I know that I’m going to continue to do so for as long as you’ll have me.”
“Do you want to go home early? We could probably get an earlier flight back.”
“Do you?”
Dennis shrugged and dropped his head onto Robby’s shoulder. “I don’t know. Not necessarily. I don’t know if I want to go back to Mom and Dad’s for Christmas, though.”
“We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” They rolled forward through the intersection in silence toward their lodging, only about a five minute drive away, and the silence remained. Silent as they pulled into the driveway and walked through the door. Silent as they changed into sweatpants and old t-shirts. Silent as they brushed their teeth and stripped the bed and replaced the sheets that they’d filthied before leaving. Silent until they laid down and flipped the television on and Dennis draped himself over Robby, burrowing his face into the older man’s chest as the floodgates opened and he began to sob.
And Robby let him cry and wrapped him up in his arms and kissed his forehead and his cheeks and his eyelids until the sobs turned to quiet, steady tears. “I’m sorry.”
“Dennis, you could not possibly be any less culpable for anything that happened today.”
“No, I’m sorry that I’m crying at all. Not that this doesn’t affect me, but this is- I mean, it’s got to feel bigger to you than it does to me.”
“It’s a lot.” Robby’s arms squeezed tighter, and he tugged Dennis closer, pulling him in against his chest and taking on the younger man’s body weight. “You know, when you said your middle name was your mom’s maiden name, it didn’t even register. There was no ‘a-ha!’ moment. I’m not even sure I’d have recognized her if she didn’t recognize me first. But I stopped going by Michael when I went to college, so when she said that it just sort of threw open the doors and it all came rushing back.”
“Do you want kids?”
“I didn’t used to. I definitely didn’t back then.”
Dennis lifted his head with a soft sniffle to find Robby, too, was quietly crying. “Do you want them now?”
“Kid singular, maybe. But I don’t think I’m cut out for diapers and bottles. Not at my age. People my age are… grandparents.” He laughed softly. “Do you? I don’t want to- I never want to keep you from anything, Den. Don’t you dare let me hold you back. Don’t you dare keep me around if anything is too much or not enough for you.”
“It’s not too much, it’s just… overwhelming if I think about it for, like, any amount of time.” Dennis’s bottom lip began trembling again, fresh tears pooling in his eyes. “And like, yeah, since we’re just sort of dropping massive truth bombs, I do want to have a kid with you. I want a kid and a dog and a house and matching wedding bands and all of it. But now it’s, like, what if we adopt a kid and then some weird awful secret comes out about their parentage? Like, sure, what are the chances of something that fucked happening twice, but what were the chances of it happening once? And yet it did. And, like, what if we do get married? Is it weird to have my family there? I’ve never even considered them not being there, but what if that makes everything worse?”
“Dennis, it…” Robby’s thumbs swept over Dennis’s cheeks, red and raw from scrubbing away a constant stream of tears since everything came crashing down. “If this is what you want, and if you don’t think I can be the one to give you that-”
“I don’t want any of it if it’s not with you. I never even wanted any of it until you.” Dennis’s eyes fell closed, and he reached up to take one of Robby’s hands in his own, pulling it to his lips to kiss his own tears off of Robby’s fingers. “I love you. And this whole thing sucks, and I don’t want to go back there for Christmas, and this is such a fucked up first vacation to have taken together.”
Dennis’s laughter triggered Robby’s own, and soon they were nearly doubled over, sides aching as the pendulum continued swinging between overwhelmed tears and stupified amusement. When their laughter finally died down enough to speak, Robby was the first to do so. “So how do you want to spend the rest of our vacation? Literally anything has to be an improvement.”
“I have no idea. I didn’t pack with anything else in mind.”
“Yeah, me either. I mean, we could always just go shopping. We’re going to want to get some groceries anyway.”
“Woah, groceries? What’s next, skydiving?” Dennis leaned forward and kissed him, humming a quiet chuckle against Robby’s lips before pulling back, a sudden contemplative -maybe even mischievous- look spreading over his face. “What if we did do something crazy, though?”
“Like skydiving?”
“Not exactly.” He rolled over toward his nightstand and snatched his phone up, quickly swiping his thumb over the screen to unlock it and typing quickly. “What day is it? Like, of the week?”
“Monday. What are you…” Robby pulled his reading glasses from the neck of his t-shirt and put them on before leaning over, stealing a glance at Dennis’s phone. “Are you…”
“I mean, do you want to? Could be a fun way to turn this whole shitshow of a trip around.”
There wasn’t a lot open so close to Christmas, but they managed to find a cute antique shop that was just about to close for the day when they walked in and went straight to the counter where a well lit glass case sat, its panels slightly foggy with age and filled with all sorts of trinkets and accoutrements. Aged coins and trading cards and gaudy brooches that reflected the light, trays of costume jewelry necklaces and hat pins and fragile looking wind-up toys, paint chipping from their weathered metal surfaces. “What about these?” Robby’s finger pressed to the glass over top of a small, velvet-lined tray in the corner, its ridges hugging a variety of rings ranging from ornate cocktail pieces with large, colorful stones in elaborate settings to simple, understated bands of silver and brass. “Something simple?”
“I don’t think I can handle anything more than simple right now.”
So the rings were simple. The ride to the Custer County Clerk’s office was simple. Signing the paperwork and asking the next couple in line to sign off as witnesses and putting Dennis’s surname first because Whitaker-Robinavitch flowed better off of the tongue was simple. And as far as either of them could tell, saying “I do” with antique store rings was the simplest, most intuitive thing of all.