Work Text:
Before opening his office door, when their heart-to-heart was over, Carlisle pulled Jasper into a tight, paternal hug, which the younger vampire accepted and even returned. Although he’d never admit it, Jasper often needed that kind of physical reassurance when he wouldn’t trust his powers about just how much his family loved him, and Carlisle was more than glad to provide.
Jasper had never truly been at peace, partly because of his difficulties handling his bloodlust, partly because of the numerous demons that still haunted him from his past. But in the pervious months, Carlisle had noticed he’d embarked on some sort of journey or self-discovery, and he hoped his son would find serenity and fulfilment at the end of it.
And now, he wondered if he’d inadvertently stunted or delayed that growth.
“I’m sorry I rushed you and Alice”, he’d told him at some point during their conversation, explaining why, back in 1950, he’d been so quick to suggest that she and Jasper marry: Alice liked it there with them, she’d immediately found her place in the family, but Jasper kept to himself. Carlisle knew he needed help, he needed love and affection but wasn’t open to receiving them; so, taking for granted they shared the same kind of love as Esme and himself, he’d tried to cement Jasper and Alice’s bond in hopes that she’d be reason enough for him to stay with the family too.
Perhaps Rosalie was right when she accused Carlisle of being a busybody. He meant well, always, but now he knew how wrong he’d been in that specific instance: Alice and Jasper had realised they loved each other like brother and sister, not as romantic partners, and that had brought Jasper some of the clarity he needed.
And also some new issues: he hadn’t said it explicitly, but something had slipped during their talk. So Carlisle had preemptively tried to soothe any doubts.
“I’ve seen plenty, in my time, but in practice I tend to default to a particular stereotype, when it comes to relationships”, he’d said apologetically while gazing at the framed photo on his desk, he and Esme on their wedding day in 1926. “That’s what blinded me to your truth. And I’m thankful to you and Alice for giving me a first-hand different perspective.”
Jasper hadn’t quite reacted, so Carlisle had smiled warmly at him. “I’m not indifferent to shifts in social customs, though, especially when they render old prejudices obsolete. As I said, we do change. Nowadays I wouldn’t suggest a hasty marriage: I wouldn’t intervene at all, and let you and the person you fancy sort things out by yourselves. In the end, it’s between you and them. Her… or him. Hypothetically.”
Again, Jasper had kept his true feelings to himself, but he’d relaxed his stance a bit, relieved that, whatever he was discovering about himself, it would be met with acceptance and unconditional love by his family.
“Hypothetically”, he’d repeated in quiet understanding.
Carlisle hadn’t pushed him further, letting him come to terms with his discoveries at his own pace, implicitly offering to talk when he’d feel ready.
He wasn’t blind, he’d noticed what exactly had kicked off Jasper’s new soul-searching: he and Edward growing closer a few months prior.
He also knew that could make things more complicated.
He’d had some inklings about Edward, early on. His boy crush on Rudolph Valentino, back in the day, was plain to see, though Edward would rationalise it as artistic admiration. And then there was his covert but stubborn refusal to even discuss finding a mate, always implying he’d let the matter sort itself out eventually. In fact, he’d never brought up the subject of his preferences either then or in the subsequent years.
Carlisle had never been judgemental about it, not even in his thoughts, but Edward’s biggest flaw was jumping to conclusions. Even with his unique insight into other people’s minds, he’d been brought up with a strong set of values, for better or worse, and was prone to assuming everybody shared them. Not so much the virtues as the prejudices. He’d always preferred to let everyone go with the default assumption, that he, or anyone really, was straight until proven otherwise, that he simply hadn’t find the one, the right woman to act on his feelings. Carlisle suspected that his baffling pursuit of the Swan girl, now, was in that same vein.
As for Jasper, Carlisle had reason to think that María had left him with deeper scars than those he’d got fighting in her wars. He remembered the brief but distinct, unmistakable sting of shame that Jasper had accidentally projected when, during his first visit, his friend Peter was recounting how Jasper had saved him from being culled after his year as a newborn was up. It was rare for Jasper to lose control of his power like that, which made it stand out in Carlisle’s memory: he now guessed that his close bond with Peter, whether it was platonic or not, hadn’t been well received by María.
Perhaps Carlisle should have told Edward back then, and Jasper now, how well he knew that those matters could be nuanced and complex – just how plenty, exactly, he’d seen in his time. And how that was anything but wrong.
He stood in front of his wall of artworks, his eyes skimming from the line of photographs Esme had taken of their family through the years, each time they’d moved to a new place, to the paintings he’d collected.
He lingered on the large Solimena, a triumph of colourful, convoluted figures, chaotic in their stances but harmoniously arranged in an orderly, deliberate composition. It was a great metaphor for life, art: however messy the individual actions, the overall design was always orderly.
He didn’t focus on the upper part, though, where himself, Aro, Caius and Marcus presided over the celebrations. He quickly glanced at the sea of jubilant bodies entwined in the thralls of passion, until he saw the two of them, painted together like together they’d been spending the centuries. The hunter and the gladiator.
* * * * * * * * *
Fifteen years on, the worst part of Carlisle’s sojourn with the Volturi had become returning from a hunt. The Tuscan landscape was beautiful, it soothed his soul just as much as the boar blood quenched his thirst, but the thought of what would likely await him back in Volterra made his stomach sink a little.
Carlisle had long since given up on trying to promote a more compassionate lifestyle among his hosts, resigning himself to agree to disagree. But Aro wouldn’t let go: he had to bring his dear friend back to the fold, convince him that humans were little more than cattle, hardly worth his concerns.
It was exhausting to hear over and over again, so Carlisle had taken the habit of deliberately avoiding him after hunting, to spare himself one of his sermons.
It was during these moments that he had begun to befriend the guards. Many of the lower-raking ones would come and go, but some were a mainstay. Felix, for instance, had quickly become Carlisle’s favourite: despite his menacing figure, he was a friendly, easy-going and cheerful fellow, with plenty of stories about vampirekind to share. True, aside from his tirades Aro was an excellent mentor, but he’d been living inside his fortress for so long he’d lost touch with the outside world. Felix, on the other hand, was often out on missions, so his tales were much more vibrant and current.
Spending more time with Felix soon meant hanging out with Demetri as well. Carlisle liked him too: he was more reserved and calm than Felix, an often much-needed quiet reprieve from the fighter’s boisterous demeanour, and had a keen intellect and historical perspective. Compared to Carlisle’s own age, which back then was still within a plausible human lifespan, they were such ancient, fascinating creatures.
It didn’t take him long, though, to find out why befriending one automatically meant being in the other’s orbit. One afternoon he was in Demetri’s room, comparing his humanistic studies of the Classics with the tracker’s first-hand knowledge of Hellenistic culture, when Felix returned from his watch and was greeted by Demetri with a kiss.
A real kiss, not just a peck and definitely not on the cheek: passionate and prolonged. And incredibly natural, neither of them inhibited in the least by Carlisle’s presence.
When they realised Carlisle had frozen in place, it took them a while to even realise why.
“Oh yes, of course we’re lovers. We’ve been for centuries”, Demetri admitted matter-of-factly at Carlisle’s polite, if stilted, inquiry.
“Well, not as of late”, Felix pointed out, tongue-in-cheek. “Sometimes we wear on each other and take a break, even for decades. He’s a handful, this one.”
“Ha, look who’s talking”, Demetri fired back in a matching tone and grin. “But in the end we always come back to one another.”
They exchanged an affectionate glance, and when Carlisle excused himself, neither seemed to mind – they clearly had plans together.
There was awkwardness afterwards, though it was one-sided from Carlisle. Life went on as usual, except for the two guards acting smitten when they were on their own, eager to rekindle their affair after some time apart. If they’d figured out the reason for his embarrassment, they were tactful enough not to say anything or fault him for it, and when the three of them would find themselves together, they avoided showing any more affection in front of him.
While he appreciated their consideration, it was him who, eventually, broached the subject again. There were questions he’d been mulling over and, luckily, neither of his friends seemed offended by his curiosity. On the contrary, they outright admitted he’d not been the first Christian vampire they’d had that discussion with, and they enjoyed providing a different point of view.
Of course the implied sodomy had left him flabbergasted, but then again, he didn’t really know where to trace that line exactly.
“Vampires are barren”, he argued, “so any such act should be considered wanton by default. Even if it was either one of you with, say, Heidi… wouldn’t that still be pointless and unnatural?”
Felix chuckled and shook his head. “Oh Carlisle, you’re in for a big revelation when you find your mate, eventually.”
Ah, yes. All vampires seemed adamant about what a big deal finding an eternal companion was. Since living in Volterra, Carlisle had somewhat reappraised his idea that vampires were fundamentally just monsters: it was clear they were capable of civility, culture, even long-lasting bonds. His life had turned out not that dissimilar from a human one. He still had doubts about their capability for genuine love, though: from the outside in, for instance, Aro’s and Caius’ marriages to their wives looked more like dynastic arrangements. Marcus’ unending grief over the loss of his companion made for a more compelling argument, but even then, that was not Carlisle’s main theological concern.
“But… what would the point even be without conceiving a child? There’s a reason for… doing that: it’s a means to be fruitful. One can’t just ignore it.”
“Carlisle, sex doesn’t have to have a reason”, Demetri replied, patiently and with no condescension in his tone. “You can just fuck for the sake of it. To have a good time. To feel good with your body. To express love and affection. Even just to spend time with a friend. And that’s quite alright.”
“Is it though?” Carlisle asked, his gaze darting between the two.
“Yes. It’s just innocent fun, really. You’re not even harming anybody, like you claim feeding on humans does. That should be a very minor infraction even by your moral standards.”
“B-but… once you start picking at the stitches, you risk unravelling the entire cloth of morality. It’s still a step into sin, however minor you consider it.”
“Ah, there it is: sin”, Demetri said. He shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t think you can quite appreciate how… young your religion is. How new its claim of holding society together.” He gestured at Felix and added, “We both have seen a world before it, Carlisle. It spun just fine.”
Felix was quite amused. “What do you think it was, back then? Dog eats dog, everybody only looking out for themselves, just because your god hadn’t been codified yet?” He shook his head and tutted. “Nah, the basics had always been there. And if anything, sex was more fun. There wasn’t much of a fuss over sodomy, for starters.”
“There were customs, of course, prejudice over who gave it and who took it”, Demetri explained. “But you know what? That’s just men’s small egos, insecurities and need for control. Same as now, with all those rules you hold so dear.”
“And as vampires”, Felix added, “we’re way above that. We live in our own world, by our own rules. Take Demetri and me, for instance: we just enjoy each other however we feel like. We invite others in, too, when we feel like that. The only rule is that everybody must be on board and enjoying whatever we do.”
“Customs come and go, Carlisle. And so do gods. Only we endure”, Demetri concluded.
Admittedly, Carlisle took some umbrage with how dismissive his friends were of God just because they had lived through a time before his full Revelation. However, he couldn’t help but wonder if there was merit to the rest of their considerations. Carlisle did believe in abiding by Divine morals, but his own father had been proof of how fallible mankind’s interpretation thereof could be. How many innocent lives had been destroyed in the name of the erroneous sense of righteousness of mere men shaped by their own time?
That was food for thoughts… though it shamed him to admit it had to contend with other, less profound issues. Perhaps his friends had given him more information about their proclivities than Carlisle would have wanted and, for some reason, those mental images had stuck with him.
Oh, they never really changed their attitude towards him, but he could now feel a strange kind of… tension in their presence. Which, he knew, was all coming from him.
It was queer and quite unique, even if he tried looking around. Admittedly, he did find the likes of Cosima or Heidi attractive, if only ideally, especially the latter. Other men like Santiago, or even his dear friend Aro, not so much.
But Felix and Demetri… they had awoken some kind of curiosity he never knew he had. It was the natural, effortless way in which they discussed and seemed to live that part of their life: playfully, guilt-free. And as they’d pointed out, was it even really harmful in any way? Would God really care about that when war, murder, violence were afoot all over the world? When so much of that was done in His name, to boot?
Over the course of months, talk after talk, his mindset was slowly drifting in that direction when tension came to a head. He was expecting to spend an afternoon with Aro and Caius, but they had urgent business to attend to. Marcus, bless his heart, was definitely no good company, so he pivoted to Felix instead. And he found him in his room with Demetri, their cloaks already discarded on the floor, hands roaming each others’ bodies, mouths entwined.
“My apologies”, Carlisle provided, shielding his eyes. They had told him to come in, for goodness’ sake! Why hadn’t they made themselves decent?
Felix laughed. “It’s no bother, really. Not for us, at any rate.”
“I shall…” Carlisle said, gesturing at the corridor. Then he dared a peek. “Were you two…?”
“Yes, we were just about to wallow in sin, Carlisle”, the fighter replied, wiggling his eyebrows allusively.
“Oh, Felix, come on”, Demetri chided, trying to hide his amusement.
Carlisle just stood there on the threshold, hand on the door knob, all intentions of leaving them to it but his feet refusing to carry him out of there.
“You can stay and watch if you want”, Felix said in his best velvety tone.
Carlisle had spent enough time with the fighter to know that quips and innuendos were a natural part of his demeanour, so he didn’t really know just how serious he was being. And perhaps it was against his better judgement, but after a moment’s hesitation, he stepped in and closed the door behind himself. His heart would have jumped in his throat, once upon a time.
Both Felix and Demetri seemed pleasantly surprised, wide grins blossoming on their lips. The tracker gestured him to a nearby armchair, and while Carlisle sat down, as if in a trance, they went back to kissing. It was different from that one time Carlisle had witnessed, nothing like a mere affectionate greeting. It was wanton and ardent, there was no mistaking the lust in it.
They turned to give him a good vantage point as they went on disrobing each other, revealing more of their beautiful physiques as their breeches slid down their legs, joining their cloaks on the floor.
They were already hard, and took each other in hand, stroking one another slowly as their kissing continued.
He’d never seen a vampire’s breath get ragged and shallow before, not even while he himself was swimming across the sea. But Felix and Demetri’s panting, the small moans that escaped their lips, were singularly enticing to hear.
Felix broke the kiss and put one hand on Demetri’s shoulder, pushing him down, but the tracked glanced sideways at Carlisle and then smirked at his lover, as if in silent understanding.
It was him who pushed Felix down, but not on his knees: he laid him on the floor, then straddled his face.
“Hmm… this is going to look good…” Felix promised, glancing at Carlisle. Far from being inhibited, getting watched seemed to turn him on even more.
Demetri shook his long hair out of the way and dipped his hips, then groaned in ecstasy as Felix took him in his mouth. He responded by leaning down and licking his lover’s length up to engulfing the tip with his lips in return.
Carlisle nearly felt his head spin. It was so surreal, being in a room with not one but two naked men, watching them suck each other’s cocks. It was something he’d heard of, of course, and thought of as obscene, immoral. But seeing it for real, right before his eyes, was a different matter altogether.
His two friends seemed in indescribable pleasure. The room was quiet except for their slurping sounds and muffled moans, their movements growing faster, somewhat erratic, as if they could barely control themselves. If anything, they looked beautiful in that moment.
It was also intimate: the way their hands roamed each other’s thighs or, in Felix’s case, Demetri’s ass was so enticing. It was not just about pleasure – much like Demetri had said, they were doing that as a way to seek and appreciate each other’s company.
And Carlisle’s. They were completely engulfed in their passion, but didn’t neglect to glance at him from time to time, relishing his attentive, hungry gaze.
“Look at how hard you are”, Felix commented with one of his smirks, taking a small break from sucking on Demetri. “If you like watching us, why don’t you pull it out and stroke it?”
“Felix…”
“I mean it. We’re not stopping you. We wouldn’t want this nice show to go to waste.”
Demetri freed his mouth in turn and glanced sideways with a soft smile.
“Listen to your body, Carlisle”, he said. “What is it telling you? What does it want? These are the only questions worth asking now.”
And Carlisle knew the answer. He was incredibly aroused, the bulge in his breeches a testament to that. He was curious. He wanted to have even a glimpse of the pleasure his friends seemed to be sharing.
The final straw was Felix licking his fingers and exploring the cleft of Demetri’s ass, making him moan louder when he slid the middle in. In turn, the tracker wasted no time and returned to sucking Felix.
They were both looking at him now, even Demetri as he bobbed his head. Carlisle knew that moment was for him as much as it was for them.
With just the tiniest hesitation, he undid the laces, his cock springing to attention the moment he loosened the breeches.
It was instinctual and natural: he would have known what to do even if he hadn’t seen the other two touching each other earlier. He wrapped his fingers around his shaft and begun to stroke it slowly.
“Hmm… good boy”, Felix cooed, before taking Demetri back into his mouth.
The room was noisier now, punctuated not just by the sounds of Felix and Demetri pleasuring each other, but also the rhythmic rustling of Carlisle’s hand, his quiet moans as he watched on and felt those first real jolts of pleasure.
At some point, Demetri disentangled himself and crawled off of Felix. He got on his knees and dipped down, his palms and forearms against the floor, his head turned towards Carlisle as he offered himself to Felix. The fighter didn’t have to be asked twice: he positioned himself behind the tracker and started rubbing his cock between his cheeks, building anticipation, letting Carlisle watch every move.
Carlisle’s hand accelerated as he watched Felix enter Demetri. Both vampires moaned loudly, and he followed suit, feeling a new surge of arousal and pleasure.
Two men, his friends, were fucking each other – there was no polite way of putting it – and they were doing it for him, too.
And the sight was glorious.
It was lewd, yes, but in a good, titillating way. And also unexpectedly intimate. Before moving, Felix took all the time in the world to worship Demetri, to kiss his back and neck, to stroke his sides, his arms, entwine their fingers together as he remained there, buried to the hilt inside his lover.
It was the tracker who asked for more.
“Go on. Show Carlisle how it’s done. You know I can take it”, he murmured, his voice strained in a way Carlisle had never heard before.
Felix straightened his back to give Carlisle a better view, and obliged. He pulled almost all the way out, only to plunge right back into Demetri, picking up a pace.
There were no words to describe what Carlisle was watching and feeling in that moment. The ones that should have come to mind – the condemnation, the disdain – were so far removed from that reality of it that they were no more than a vague awareness, drowned out by the incessant moaning the two guards were sharing.
They looked so beautiful as Felix rammed into Demetri relentlessly, as he grabbed his hip on the opposite side from Carlisle to get leverage without obstructing the view, as Demetri bit down on his lip to muffle a couple of louder moans caused by Felix’s rougher movements.
“Does… does that feel good?” Carlisle asked the tracker.
“You have no idea”, Demetri replied, his voice cracking from the pleasure. “I love feeling Felix so close, being filled up by him. I love sharing my body, my pleasure with him. Nothing compares to that.”
Carlisle moaned, his hand moving faster still.
“This is still me being with Demetri. Enjoying, cherishing him, but so much more intensely, so much more intimately… so much more fun”, Felix added, grinning at Carlisle. “And it feels so incredibly good because it’s him, because I want him so much that I need to be close to him, body and mind.”
“But that doesn’t… hm… mean pleasure can’t be the point in and of itself”, Demetri said, his voice cracking. “Look at you, so lost in it. Look at us and tell us it’s not part of you, of what your body was made for.”
For a second, Carlisle wondered what he looked like. His friends’ faces were nearly transfigured with pleasure, his must have been to.
He himself was lost in a sensation unlike any other as his hand worked his raging erection. His body was craving it, like it had craved blood when he’d spent months denying himself. Was it really another part of him, just as natural? And if so, could it be indulged separately from sin, like his sustenance?
But that was too much thinking right then, because the more the other two lost themselves in their shared pleasure, the more Carlisle’s own seemed to grow and cloud every other thought. His tension was growing. He could feel he’d get to a breaking point eventually.
And apparently, so did Felix. He grunted more loudly as he pressed himself against Demetri, unleashing his orgasm inside him. When he slowly, lazily pulled out, it was Demetri’s turn to find release: he tugged Felix closer, implicitly demanding for his mouth to do the job, moaning in return as his lover obliged and swallowed his release.
They suddenly remembered him and turned to look at him when Carlisle moaned too, his own orgasm overtaking him, spilling all over his hand, on his breeches and chemise. He looked down and marvelled, still in disbelief of what had just happened.
“Shall we let you collect your thoughts? Do you need the room?” Demetri asked, a hint of caution in his blissed-out tone.
Carlisle closed his eyes and drew a long breath. Then, out of nowhere, he smiled widely, and giggled, even.
“No. No, it’s fine. I’m better than fine.”
“Are you sure?” Felix asked, sitting up in a more composed pose.
Carlisle nodded. It was incredible, really: he was not crushed with guilt or horror, either at what he’d just seen or his own onanism. He was elated, thrilled. A part of him wanted to climb on top of the fortress, on the tallest tower, and shout out to the world that he’d just had his first real orgasm, and it felt beautiful!
He knew on an intellectual level it was supposed to feel wrong: it just didn’t. Plain and simple.
Could it be his friends were right, after all? That it was the stigma and guilt attached to pleasure that went against nature as God had created it? That they were just arbitrary rules established at some point by simple, fallible humans who had misunderstood the Divine, or were only claiming to speak on its behalf?
He’d have to reckon with that… but not in that moment. Not while he was still basking in the aftershock of something so unbelievably beautiful, helped by the casual, friendly chatter the other two roped him into as they dressed up, implicitly downplaying what had just happened – he knew – for his sake.
* * * * * * * * *
In the following couple of years, Carlisle came to understand what Demetri meant when he said sex could be just another way for friends to be with each other.
Outside of their little escapades, things between the three of them were carrying on as usual. They’d still meet, spend time together, enjoy each other’s company as it was, talk about just anything. The only difference was that every now and again, eroticism would naturally slide into their conversations. And from then, it only took a moment for his two friends to be in each other’s arms, and him to pleasure himself watching them.
It had become an ordinary part of their dynamic, and Carlisle found it didn’t cheapen their friendship at all: it just gave them another outlet to experience it.
Maybe, Carlisle mused, someday he would find somebody to fall in love with: even though Felix and Demetri would avoid calling what they had love, it was plain to see they were in it, and that was proof enough for Carlisle that being vampires was not incompatible with it. He didn’t quite believe that, especially with regard to himself, but maybe, just maybe…
His friends were far from shy in showing him just about anything, the many ways they could enjoy each other, how they would gladly trade roles on a whim, how sometimes they’d play it rough and dirty, and other times soft and loving. There were so many nuances to love-making, and Carlisle had finally accepted that being fruitful was just a happy consequence that humans could have, not the ultimate goal.
No, that goal was feeling good with himself and sharing that with some selected people: friends for now, a mate in the future.
But for the time being, one detail that further helped Carlisle enjoy their queer arrangement was his friends’ tact. Neither of them ever tried to push for anything more than him just watching, yet at the same time never precluded him from participating. They truly were letting him lead the game, decide what he did and did not want to do.
And surely enough, he was the one to take the next step.
Usually, while he watched he’d only unfasten his breeches but keep the rest of the clothing on. It was a way to separate himself, so to speak, to still remain on the outside even though he knew he was part of it.
But not that night. As the two other vampires were kissing lavishly, already naked in front of him, he got up. He didn’t quite put on a show – in fact, he was quick and prosaic when unbuttoning his doublet and pulling off his chemise, lest he’d change his mind. But the moment he dropped his breeches and stood there, stark naked, in front of them, his friends understood. They adjusted their positions ever so slightly, still in each other’s arms but opening up to him as he walked, slowly but without hesitation, towards them, not even hiding his full erection.
Their hands welcomed him, stroking his chest and back gently, tugging him closer. He didn’t quite remember who kissed him first, but he found himself locking lips with both of them, one after the other, back and forth, eyes closed as he gave in to the moment.
Felix opened his mouth to say something, but Demetri hushed him with a kiss, glancing quickly at Carlisle. The younger vampire appreciated the concern, though he wasn’t sure if one of the fighter’s quips, maybe on how it was about time that he joined in, would have put him off the mood. The physical sensations were quite overwhelming at that point.
The thing he noticed more sharply was just how starved for touch he was – to the point it almost eclipsed the beautiful feeling of their cocks grinding against his hips, or his own enjoying the friction against their smooth skin.
Soon, though, their mouths were all over him, bringing his focus back to the pleasurable part: Felix’s was tracing wet patterns on his neck, while Demetri’s was sliding down his collarbone, aiming lower and lower till it found one nipple. Carlisle groaned as he felt the barest hint of teeth, not enough to scrape or scar him, just to give him a shiver of danger.
He’d forgotten what it was like for his body to have involuntary reactions, jitters, movements he couldn’t control. But how could it be otherwise, when Demetri’s hand felt so good once it wrapped around his cock? And when Felix gently grabbed him by the hips to keep him in place?
Not that he wanted to escape their touch, really. He rested his head against the fighter’s shoulder as Demetri moved his hand along his shaft.
It occurred to him, at some point, that maybe he should return their attentions. But as soon as he started to fret, Demetri kissed him on the mouth.
“Don’t worry about us right now”, he said, taking a break to let Felix take a turn with his lips. “Just let us accompany you in this discovery.”
“Why are you even so patient with me?” he asked in a sigh.
“Because it would be a pity to let you spend all eternity wallowing in guilt and self-effacement”, the tracker replied, trailing kisses down Carlisle’s shoulder. “Let us show you what being alive, having a body is truly about. Let us give you back what was taken from you.”
Felix just nodded along, too aroused to talk. And Demetri, too, was becoming more instinctual by the second. Their lips and tongues were getting bolder on Carlisle’s skin, greedier, trailing down his body.
Carlisle knew what it meant: he’d seen them do it, he knew where their mouths would end up eventually. His cock jolted with impatience at the mere thought.
And indeed, soon enough there they were, both kneeling down at his feet, looking up at him with a mischievous twinkle in their eyes, letting him savour the anticipation.
Then, without warning, their tongues traced his length, running together, making him shiver with want as they hit the sensitive tip over and over again.
He realised he was both prepared and clueless at the same time. He knew the pleasure would be different from what he experienced by hand. It already was when he did it on his own compared to when he was watching his two friends: of course truly being with them was going to be something else entirely.
But he had no idea just how good it would feel, especially once Demetri finally took his cock in his mouth and started sucking in earnest, while Felix licked and teased his balls.
On top of vampires not feeling fatigue, they knew what they were doing: they took their sweet time pleasuring Carlisle, their hands roaming his thighs, his ass, adding secondary sensations to the exquisite ones from their mouths. The younger vampire could scarcely believe such pleasure could even exist. That he, of all people, would be allowed it. But it was not just the physical: it was also the safety of being with them, and the euphoria and relief of having finally crossed that line, of having allowed himself to feel, to be, to enjoy his God-given body for the purpose it was meant to. There with his closest friends, there was no judgement, no worry over what kind of creature he’d become.
He felt the familiar tension rise and take over, just magnified. He didn’t resist, throwing his head back and letting his moans run free. His orgasm crashed down on him, and he heard his friends groan appreciatively when they felt him tense, especially Demetri, who kept on sucking and swallowed as he came.
Carlisle wondered how it was possible to feel breathless. He felt his knees buckle for the first time since his transformation, and the next thing he knew, he found himself on the floor, exchanging a passionate kiss with Felix first, and then tasting his own release in Demetri’s mouth.
As he came down, he noticed their hands stroking his body in a soothing, affectionate manner, so different from moments before.
“See? That was worth it”, Felix teased.
“You’re quite sure of yourself, aren’t you?” Carlisle retorted with a chuckle.
“I’m quite sure of what my boy here can do with his mouth”, Felix pointed out, kissing Demetri’s shoulder and neck.
“Fair”, Carlisle conceded, smiling at Demetri. “Thank you: it was incredible.”
“It was a team effort”, Demetri teased back, trailing his fingers in Felix’s hair.
“Next time I can show you what I can do”, Felix chuckled. “If you want there to be a next time, that is. The only limit is what you feel like doing, Carlisle.”
“I know. And I appreciate it, truly.”
This time, they didn’t quite try to change the subject or make light of what had just happened. They’d learned what Carlisle’s comfort level was, and that he wasn’t prone to freaking out anymore.
In fact, he felt comfortable enough to reach for both of them and grab their still erected cocks, one in each hand.
“What?” He questioned with a with a cheeky smirk. “You didn’t think I wouldn’t return the favour, did you? Or try to, at any rate.”
“By all means, suite yourself, beautiful”, Felix replied, spreading his legs eagerly. Demetri expressed his enthusiasm quietly, leaning in for another kiss.
The blonde didn’t want to fumble it. Trying to suck on both of them would perhaps be overwhelming, so he stuck to what was more familiar to him – and he’d had plenty of practice with his hands since their first indiscretion.
Both the tracker and the fighter seemed to appreciate his efforts, thrusting into his fists and savouring his skin, genuinely content to let him go just as far as he’d want to.
Jerking his friends off was far enough for him, all things considered. But he did feel a forbidden thrill when he allowed – or rather asked – them to come on him, and was rewarded with their seed all over his stomach and thighs.
It was good. It felt right. And it was definitely liberating in a way he’d never have imagined before meeting those two wonderful creatures.
* * * * * * * * *
In the end, Carlisle didn’t stay with the Volturi: Aro’s pressure for him to embrace the traditional vampire diet proved too much. If anything, it was his friendship with Felix and Demetri, peculiar as it was, that kept him in Volterra for that long.
There were other times when they’d get physical with one another, but never much further than the first. Carlisle realised he was indifferent to most men’s charm – Demetri and Felix were a bit of an exception, aided by their specific situation and the friendship they shared. Their time together also became a bit sparser in the last few years, with the two guards often being assigned to some mission on Aro’s behalf and having to travel out of town even for months at a time.
They were sad to see him go. Aro gathered the entire Guard to bid him farewell, and Carlisle thanked each and every one of them, receiving kind words in return. Aro’s were yet another sermon of how there’d always be a place in Volterra for him to come back to, when he’d finally find his true way.
Felix and Dimitri’s parting words were much nicer.
“Do what you will, really”, the tracker said. “And remember: if your religion gives you strength and purpose, indulge in it. But don’t ever, ever let it make you feel bad about yourself.”
“And someday, when you find the one – and trust me, your heart will know – you’ll see how beautiful it is to love them freely”, Felix concluded, before pulling him into a bone-crushing hug.
In all honesty, it was easier said than done. Far away from the comfort of his friends, Carlisle’s self-doubt returned with a vengeance for many, many decades. But they had given it that first, fundamental push, so when he discovered others like himself in Tanya and her sisters, and later found a family in Edward, Esme and the others, it became so much easier to topple it and truly come to accept his life as a vampire.
They met again a few times, even after he’d left Europe: he returned to Tuscany for a few visits, or they sought him out while tending to other business in America. They never rekindled the physical side of their friendship, but Carlisle still had fond memories of it.
He was not ashamed of what happened. Sometimes he wondered if Felix and Demetri were – with each new visit, it took them a while to slide back into their old friendship, they came off as weirdly aloof at the beginning. But he was certain about himself: he didn’t reject that part of his personal history. In fact, he was grateful to his two friends for breaking the mould he’d been raised in, for helping him realise that basking in God’s love was really about bringing goodness to the world, not self-effacing.
Maybe, with his upbringing, he wouldn’t have been so healthily passionate with Esme – not from the beginning, at least – had he not “experimented” during his “academic years abroad”. Him starting from a guilt-free place when discovering his physicality with the Love of his life was nothing short of what she deserved after what she’d been through in her first marriage, and he was thankful for the path that had led him there.
Esme knew, of course – they were very open about themselves with one another. She was extraordinary at accepting people, so he’d never once doubted her reaction, not even back in the Twenties. Besides, they both came with histories, and accepting that had been the foundation of their long-lasting love.
Edward was a different matter, though. Even before their coven grew and morphed into a family, before Carlisle assumed a fatherly role, the younger vampire had already put him on a pedestal, made a mentor out of him. Carlisle had tried, but never quite managed to make theirs a relationship between equals. And with his fatherly role, it would have felt untoward to broach the subject at all.
Back then, at least.
Now, he knew, “the talk” was not just about euphemisms or preaching abstinence. Parents would be open, teach their children appropriately, according to their progressing age, and gently guide them to navigate their paths of self-discovery. Well, the smart parents, at least.
Though in fairness, it was a bit of a moot point in their family. He may have loved them as his own children, but he knew all of them were truly adults.
Perhaps he should have leaned more into that: present himself less as a leader to his coven or a father to his supposed nuclear family, and more as a simple man amongst people he loved. And trace a clear line between what his actual morals were, and what could be projected onto him due to his upbringing, history and faith.
He wished he hadn’t taken Edward’s vagueness at face value, but encouraged him to open up and be himself instead. He wished he’d shown him unequivocally that he was a friend to rely on, not a father who would judge him in any way.
Life was already hard enough having to forego human blood: it had taken him centuries before he’d mastered his self-control, and the mere scent of bleeding person had stopped being torture; he knew it still was for his family. He should have clarified more strongly that indulging their bodies’ other instincts was not a mistake, nor a first step down the slippery slope. He’d left that idea back in the Eighteenth century, where it belonged: he should have made sure that it had never got to Edward.
But he knew better now. He’d learned that kind of things had better take their natural course. Rosalie had found love in Emmett, not Edward as he’d originally hoped. Now Alice and Jasper had freed themselves up to explore their own nuances.
He’d never stifle or stir them again. He’d let them try, and fall even, and stand back up, just being there to support them unconditionally, and hug and comfort them at the end of it. He’d give a listening ear first and foremost, and advice and opinion only when asked.
In the end, being attracted to his own gender had been a one-time thing for him. But it was in no way invalid.
Should Edward or Jasper come to him and voice their doubts or fears, he’d make sure they’d find an equal who could relate to their self-exploration and encourage to find their truth. Much like Felix and Demetri had once done for him.