Chapter Text
And that was the “Rollercoaster ending”. Did you like it Stanley? Did you have fun?
“….who…”
I, personally, really enjoyed this ending in particular, you know? I knew that those hungry sharks would appeared in the third act because, well, I put them there. But still.. I got scared anyway. hahaha
“What is this … wait… I can see?”
Like always, you can use our five star rating system to review the adventure we just have by clicking on the controller on the desk in front of you. You will be able to rate on a scale form one star to five star location, storytelling, character development, costumes design, music, cgi, fear factor, npc realism, dialogue tree, ticket price, food price, food taste, food smell, food texture, food shape…
“Stop! Stop! Please stop talking for a second.”
Stanley? What are you doing?! Why are you talking?! You are not supposed to talk. I talk and you move. That’s how it goes. That what we do. What we have always done. That’s our relationship dynamic. That is what the fans want from us. We need to feed the fan services, the ship, don’t you understand Stanley. You can’t change your character trait! Not now, not after so many years. This is an established franchised, for Davey’s sake!
“Stop! Stop. I’m not Stanley. I’m not. My name is Arthur, Arthur Lester”
You are not my Stanley?
“No, I’m not”
Stanley? Stanley?? Stanley?!? Stan!!!! O my god. I’m going to be sick. STAN WHERE ARE YOU!!!S̶̠̻̩̟̹̤̝̲̼̭̥̱̙̪͎͈͑̄͆̈́Ṭ̶̡̧̨̻̞̯͚̙͓͚̤͕͓̣̬͕̮̘̱̰͎̣͈̣̬̻̒̀̊̑̿̇̔̍̋͑̈́̽͒̅̉͒̌͠Ậ̶͕̟ͅŅ̶̫̭̜̥͇͗͌̂̆͒̍͂͗͛͒͝͠L̵̨̡͙̮͚̺̻̼̠̫̠͖͓̹̗̹̦͍͉̲̱̼̳̲̐̇̈́̄͐͋͊̀͋́͌́͆͋̎̍̒̈͊̃͒̓̚͘͠E̷̛͍̫̘̯͓̹̹͈͔̺͍͉̜̰̯͙͚͇̯͐̎̀͑̒́̅͐̀̇̈́̐͆͗͛̏̀͊̋̍͛̏͐̈́̅͘͜͜Y̷̧̧͕͕͓͍̜̩̞͈̹̰̦͎̩͉͙͚̟͔̪̩͙̟͎̼͈̙͎͙̠̰̮͎̤̥̥̑̇́̌̎̆͜ͅ!̴̯̹̰̙̼̹̪̞͕̭̹̭̻̀͜ͅ!̵̢̡̪̘̺̜͈̞̮̆̏̈̈́͒̋͗̑̀́̉͑̈̈́͑́̿̍̎̊̄̚̕͠͝ͅ!̶̢̡̧̠̫̗̝͓̳̺̯͕̥̯̣̹͉͇͕̭̦̼̟̫̗̯̫̻͈̮̣̬̰̫̩̙̳̽̾̑̆͒͂̀͋̆͋͂̏͘͜͝͝ͅ
“STOP SCREAMING!”
He was just here. I swear. My Stanley. I just saw him on the rollercoaster. Oh… poor, little Stanley. Where he could be? He must be so scared without me. He could never survive without me. Stan I’m going to find you, if it’s the last thing I do. I’m going to stop this storyline. Even if I have to die to do so. I’m going to… I’m going to activate the adventure line. Yes! What a brilliant idea. My brave Stanley knows that’s he has to follow the line, and the line will conduct him straight to me. And then we are going to forget about all of this and go back to our…
“Stop talking for a FUCKING SECOND”
“What is happening?”
“Who are you? Who is Stanley? What is this place”
“Why can’t I move my body?!?”
“I… I can’t… John I really need your help right now. I can’t… I can’t…Calm down, goddammit, and breathe Arthur. Calm your mind. I can see, fuck, that’s a new one. Can you John, can you see? John? I can see a small rectangular room with simple office furniture and a strange box on a table that produce light… John, what do you think of it? Any ideas? Are you mad at me John? Talk to me John!”
“John? JOHN???”
“Talk to me, god dammit!”
You said that I shouldn’t talk…
“Who the fuck are you? Where is John? What did you do to him?”
I’m the narrator. I narrate the adventure of my good old friend Stanley.
“The… narrator? What the fuck does that mean?!”
I narrate like this…Mmmph
It was what seemed like a normal day at the office. The sky was blue, the coffee pot was still empty and no new instructions had appeared on the computer for a long long time. Although it was a common and normal day, a day like thousands before it and thousands after it, something was different, something was terribly wrong. My Stanley, my brave, smart, bold, strong, beautiful…
“What is a computer?”
DON’T INTERRUPT MEEEEEEEÈ̵̡̡̞͚̼̭̝̞͖̜͉̝̅́̊̓̐̿̊͗͜͠Ę̶̨̛̪̤̣̟͕͎͖̖͑̿̓̎̄̈́̃́̈̕Ę̸̧͙̱̬͇̤͒͆͋̈́̔̄̇̿͂̓͆̕͘E̵͉̍͗͗͑̈́̓̓̑̀̑̂͠É̸͙̳̭̥̗̫̲͔̝͍͖̊Ě̶̡̧̛̼̱͔̮̩̈́͋̿̑̌̏̾Ȩ̷̭̤̊͋̊̈͋́͘ͅE̷̡̙̙̯̺͐̐͂̒̐ͅE̶̩̟̪̜̟̮̠̟̘̼͉̗͋̄̑͐ͅE̵͉̍͗͗͑̈́̓̓̑̀̑̂͠É̸͙̳̭̥̗̫̲͔̝͍͖̊Ě̶̡̧̛̼̱͔̮̩̈́͋̿̑̌̏̾Ȩ̷̭̤̊͋̊̈͋́͘ͅE̷̡̙̙̯̺͐̐͂̒̐ͅE̶̩̟̪̜̟̮̠̟̘̼͉̗͋̄̑͐ͅ
My Stanley was replaced by a cheap, ugly and worst copy that called himself Assthur. Assthur was a ugly and dirty Englishman that hadn’t eaten in what looked like at least ten years and never took a shower in his entire life. Typical British behavior. His entire body was covered in scars. His disgusting and ugly clothes where worn out and also covered in blood from a deep cut that was bleeding from his right side.
“Agh!”
I’m talking now, stop interrupt me.
The Englishman was so rude that he didn’t wait for the narrator to describe the scene and instead dropped to the ground screening and trying, without any success, to stop the blood from poring out the giant wound in his body.
“Help… help me…”
His little pathetic words didn’t work on the narrator because Assthur was a mean man and didn’t deserve any kind of help.
“…Please…”
The blood was exiting the wound like a waterfall, covering the linoleum floor, staining the cream colored tiles with to a deep crimson red.
“I’m … sorry…”
His voice was faint. He was struggling to breathe. The arm that once was putting pressure on the wound was now limp on the floor near his torso.
“… for what … I said…”
Every time his chest would rise to absorb some air to him was like climbing a never ending mountain, trying to reach a safe house on top where he would enjoy a hot chocolate with marshmallow. And every time his chest deflated pushing air and blood out his lungs it felt to him like falling from the same mountain, like a Sisyphus trying and failing to push his own body to the top.
“… I was … rude … to you.”
Mmmm… Apologies accepted.
The man opened his eyes and saw that all of that was just a dream, a really scary dream. The wound, the blood, the blood lost and the dying thing. It all happened in his mind, in a bad nightmare. Not much different that the dream ending in the hole that Stanley had play a few hundreds endings ago. But now the man was awake and without any open injuries. He easily stood up in his feet. His clothes were new and well fitted. He didn’t smell anymore and his matted hair were combed back. He looked as much like Stanley as he could, the best person in the world and his role model in life and fashion.
“How… did you do that?… my body … I’m fine… I’m alive”
Why can you talk?!
“What do you mean?”
My Stanley doesn’t talk. He is much better than you. AND he listens to me. Not like you that keep moving and doing things while I talk. That is not how it works. That’s rude. You are rude. I want Stanley, now!
“If you like Stanley so fucking much why don’t you go fuck off, go back to him and leave me the FUCK alone?!”
I. will.
I can’t go away. Why can’t I go away? Stanley, why can’t I reach you? Why am I stuck with this mean man?!
“I think I’m going to throw up.”
…You! Assthur, you are a bad omen.
“What … just happened?”
What do you mean?
“It was like I stopped existing when you went away for a moment. Like I was stuck inside a painting, only been able to see what’s around me.”
That’s because I’m the narrator.
“You haven’t explained what the fuck does that means yet. Are you another cosmic horror? Are you like Kayne?”
The brother in the bible that killed his own brother? The son of Adam and Eve? Or do you mean that wired little guy with teeth from the Amazing Digital Circus™️ that everyone wants to copulate with?
“No! No… He is… wait the what with teeth?!… you know what? … never mind… I give up.”
To answer your question. If I’m not here to tell the story nothing moves forward. I say how it goes. I evolve the narrative in the best and most emotional way possible. My job is to make it entertaining for the fans that are playing with us.
“I don’t understand any of that, but I believe you. It’s not like a can do anything else.”
Good. Now, can we go back to the story?
“Fine, you win.”
Assthur was ready to start a new adventure. First he… started walk in circle?
The Englishman walked around the room in circles, like one of those animals in a cages at the zoo. He looked around, staring at every object he could find. Picking them up, studying them and then putting them down. He would often touch them with is left hand, almost like tasting a new part of is body that once wasn’t his. He walked multiple time in front of the door ignoring it and at the end he decided to sit back on the chair and stared into nothingness, like in contemplation. Maybe, the narrator thought, in wherever world he came from doors weren’t invented yet and that was why he hadn’t exit the room, or maybe he was just an idiot.
“Hey! I know what’s door is. I’m just thinking for a moment. We need to create a plan.”
The man faced turned red after that statement about the door.
“Hey!”
His ego was small and vary fragile.
“Can you stop!”
I don’t want to be in this situation either, but I’m the narrator and I must narrate. For me narrating is like breathing is to you. If I don’t narrate it is physically painful.
“You have a body?”
No.
“But you can feel pain?”
Don’t ask, you are too stupid to understand.
The man face lighted up. He had an idea and he probably thought it was smart idea, but I wasn’t. It was a dumb and smelly idea, just like Assthur was.
“You are looking for your friend.”
The smart and beautiful Stanley. Yes I’m looking for him.
“Yes, your smart friend Stanley…”
Smart and beautiful.
“And I’m looking for my friend John. We can help each other.”
Is he?
“What?”
Your friends?
“Absolutely. Why do you ask?”
Because you didn’t use any positive adjectives to describe him or your relationship with him. Like I do with Staney.
“He is my friend! Now listen. We don’t have time. If we explore this place maybe…”
I don’t believe you.
“Huh?”
Describe your friend. Talk to me about him. Show me how much you care for him. Prove to me that this John exists and you are willing to sacrifice your own life if it means seeing him for just a minute. I need to know that you care about him as much as I care for my amazing, loving, heroic Stanley.
“Ok… ok… Calm down. I can tell you about John.”
The man didn’t speak for a few second. With his right head he cupped his left hand like he was holding not his own but the one of a dear friend. With his right thumb he caressed the palm of his left hand making small circles.
“John… he is a good friend to me. He … after everything that happened to him, after everything he had to go through before even meeting me, he still is a good person. He is my guide… literally. I trust him and I trust his judgment. In every fucked up situation we found ourselves in, he was there to listen to me, to take my burden and carry it for me.”
Arthur stand up, looking at the ceiling in search for words that always existed in his mind but never had the chance to be constructed in a coherent sentence. Always exiting as feeling and slices of memories that Arthur carried within, hidden and protected like the most precious treasure in the universe.
“I almost lost my humanity once, you know? I was giving in to the deepest animalistic instinct of surviving and killing. And in that moment, in one of the worst moment of my life he saved me from losing myself forever.”
Arthur smiles. A genuine smiled that alone tells hundreds of stories of two close friends.
“He is pure, sincere, kindhearted, loyal, remarkable but most importantly he his my best friend.”
Arthur eyes started filling up with tears making the world look blurry.
“Thank you.”
For what?
“For reminding me of how much I love John.”
I have decided. You can help me find my brave Stanley.
“Ok. I think they, Stanley and John, can’t be far from here and they should be together. But it’s just an theory.”
Arthur was ready to exit the door of the office, he was ready for an amazing adventure with his new friend the narrator in a quest to save the amazing Stanley and John.
“You don’t need to narrate what I’m going to do.”
Mmmmhhmhhmm
“Or you can. I’m okay with you narrating. Go on.”
Fantastic.
Arthur opened the door and stepped in the wonderful office building in which Stanley for years lived numerous …
No, no, no! N̸͇̼̟̈̈́̽͘͝Ơ̴̢̥͍͕̖̭͍̟̫̲͇͊̈́́͋̅̓͗͛̽̏̾̚!̴̡̠͈̭̺͕̖̠̟̘͕̹͕̻̌͛̓̏̾̌̾͌̄͂͛̔͝͠!̴̛̜̽̏̅͊͋͊͝!̴̨̢̦̖̲͈̬̟̆̍̏̋̑́͑̃̕͠
“Calm down my friend. What is wrong.”
It’s a disaster! This is not the office building. Well parts of it are the office, but the other parts aren’t. Something is really wrong here, Arthur.