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Crisp morning air greeted Yudai as he stepped out on his porch. His coffee was the only thing keeping his hands warm. He takes a seat on the old rocking chair, leaning back into the creaking wood. He sets his coffee mug down and reaches into the pocket of the tattered blue zip-up he tugged on and pulls out a pack of cigarettes out of his sweatpants.
He flicks the lighter and lights the American Spirit, a brand that, despite all the changes he’s had in his life, has stayed the same to him. He takes one hit–and then another– and exhales into the air. The nicotine does just as much as the coffee does to wake him up; next to nothing. As he smokes his cigarette and drinks his coffee, he watches the few cars that pass on his road.
He’s lived in this small town his entire life, never once leaving for anything longer than two weeks; he had no reason to do so. His family was all here, he had a good job, and he was content in life. He never felt the strong urge to leave as many thought would happen.
Just as he goes to light the next cigarette in his morning smoke, he sees two familiar faces walk up his driveway.
“Yudai!” Nicholas shouts. Nicholas was younger than Yudai, but they were still really close from their time together on the high school track team.
“We’ve brought jelly!” Fuma, another friend of Yudai, but also Nicholas’s fiancée, holds up a milk crate filled with various colors of jellies.
Yudai smiles; he loves those two, with or without the food for gifts. “Bring ‘em up! I got some papers for y’all to sign,” he tells them. He makes sure that his cigarette is out before slipping the pack back into his pocket.
“It’s always paperwork with you,” NIchoals groans, but the smile on his face shows that he isn't upset about it. Yudai works as their accountant, and he’s most of the town's accountant too. It’s good money and its easy here than it would be anywhere else, he says when anyone asks if he’d go bigger, like into the city.
The two set foot on the porch as Yudai takes the last sip of his coffee. He hugs Nicholas and then hugs Fuma before grabbing his mug and leading them to the door. The three go inside, and they work through the semantics, Yudai talking about the papers, Nicholas complaining about spending money (though he’s not sorry about it at all), and Fuma talking about the jelly he crafted.
It’s a nice, quiet life Yudai lives, and he wouldn't trade it.
—
“So, Euijoo is coming back here,” Nicholas said as the three of them prepared lunch in Yudai’s kitchen. Yudai just about drops the spam he was frying, and both Fuma and Nicholas stare at him.
“What!” He shouts, jaw hung open, “What do you mean he’s coming back?” Fuma silently takes over the eggs and leaves Yudai standing with his jaw on the floor.
Nicholas clears his throat, “Yeah, he texted me, saying that he needed a break from the city, so I offered our guest bedroom to him. He should be here tomorrow,” he says slowly.
Yudai nods, “Okay, but why back here? There are many other places that he can go? Why does he have to come back to a place he swore that he hated?!”
“Okay, I don't think he hated–”
“That's not what his actions said, and you know that, Fuma!” Yudai says sternly as he glares at him. Nicholas and Fuma go silent; they thought that Yudai had moved past what happened, and he said he did.
“I get that he hurt you, but he’s changed, you’ve changed. So come, meet him again, and if you decide he’s not worth your time anymore, then you can leave as early as you want,” Fuma offers.
Yudai cocks an eyebrow in confusion, “What do you mean I can leave? It’s not like we're meeting for drinks, right?” He turns to Nicholas, “Right?” He asks.
—
That's how the following night, Yudai finds himself getting ready to meet Fuma, Nicho, and now Euijoo at the bar for drinks. It's just drinks, he can do this, Yudai tells himself. He finds a simple white button-down and his classic blue jeans. He pairs some simple jewelry with his clothes, a few rings, some earrings he hardly wears anymore, and the same necklace he's worn for years.
He runs a comb through his hair, which falls naturally to a middle part, his brow locks tickling his ears and neck with their length. It may be time for a haircut, he notes. He slips his boots on, grabs the keys to his truck, and heads out the door, greeting whatever the hell is welcoming him tonight.
It was a small, quaint bar, one of the only ones in town that people actually visited; the other bar was rather abandoned. However, there weren't many people here today. When Yudai walks in, he spots Nicholas and Fuma sitting in a corner booth, and they wave him over, and he follows their beckon.
“We ordered for you, Jack and Coke,” Fuma pushes the glass to Yudai.
Yudai nods, “Thanks,” and he takes a sip of his drink. The combination of alcohol and soda goes down smoothly. Even if it's the first sip, he can feel some tension that he didnt know how was holding ease out of him. “When is he supposed to be here?” He asks as he sets his glass down.
“Uh, he said he’d be here in like ten minutes, that was five minutes ago,” Nicholas hums and takes a sip of his own drink. The three fall into small conversation, plans for the following week, how business is going, and just overall life things.
It was going alright when Nicholas' eyes went wide, and he was looking dead at something-or–someone over Yudai’s shoulder. He doesn't turn around; he knows who is there, and he's not ready to see him yet.
Nicholas raises his hand in the same way he did to Yudai just fifteen minutes ago. With every step Yudai calculates in his head, his breath gets shallower; maybe it's the nerves or the years of smoking. It's the smoking, maybe I should quit, he says to himself.
“Yudai?” He hears the same voice that has haunted his mind for years. Yudai looks up, and there he is. He’s taller–somehow– his eyes are still round, like they hold only the purest things, his hair is darker now and more clean cut, it looks good. He looks good, and boy, does that piss Yudai off.
It’s been years, five to be exact, and he has the audacity to show up looking better than before? Of course, it's Byun Euijoo, the town's golden boy–the one who got out. Yudai glances at him and then grabs his glass, chugging the last remains of it, before he mumbles about needing something else.
He pushes himself out of the booth, not giving anyone more than a glance, and beelines for the bar. He sits down on a stool and slouches as if he were holding the world on his shoulders.
“Can I get beer?” He asks the bartender once they turn their attention to him. The bartender nods and starts pouring.
“Yudai,” it's him. Yudai sits straight up and spins on the seat. There Euijoo stands, the dim lighting of the bar hits the high point of his stupidly pretty cheekbones.
“What do you want?” Yudai huffs. He’s not in the mood to even be here, let alone talk to the man that he didn’t want to see.
Euijoo’s face falls. “Can we talk? Like actually talk and not just you walking away from me,” he simply states. And of course, he’s blaming them for not talking to him, because he knows that he is in the wrong.
Yudai doesn't respond; he just spins back on his seat after glancing at the open stool next to him. Euijoo takes the silent invitation and sits next to him. Yudai takes a chug of his beer and sets his mug down. He glances at Euijoo again and then looks back at his drink.
“I don’t know what you want me to say. You left, and that's that,” Yudai says coldly.
“You knew I was leaving. It's not like you were in love with me or anything. It was just fooling around,” Euijoo bites back.
“How do you know?”
Euijoo’s eyes widen, “What–know what?” He asks, clearly taken aback.
“How do you know that I wasn't in love with you?” He looks Euijoo in his eyes. Every word is cold and cuts deep, and Yudai means it all.
“Yudai, you weren't in love with me,” Euijoo whispers and shuts his eyes, like a little kid pretending that the darkness isn't going to hurt them.
Yudai shakes his head, “No, I was, Euijoo. You were just too far up your own ass to see that. Hell, I still might be in love with you, and that makes me sick. It’s been years, and my mind is still stuck on you. I’ve tried to rid you from it, from everything, but everywhere I look–it's you. It’s always going to be you, and it hurts because you're not in love with me,” he lets out a frustrated sigh.
“Yudai–”
“Save it. I don’t want pity, and I don’t want you anymore either, no matter how much it hurts me to say no to you,” Yudai rushes out. He takes another swig of the beer.
“No, please, just hear me out,” Euijoo sounds like he’s begging, and Yudai should not like that as much as he does. When Yudai doesn't challenge him or say no, Euijoo takes that as his sign to speak. “I left because I was in love with you. I was so in love that it hurt, and I knew that I couldn’t witness you being with someone else, so I left. Yes, I know I left suddenly, but I had to, and I want you to understand that. I left because I knew that I couldn’t have you, and I ran from that instead of facing it head-on. I couldn’t let myself have anything because I felt that I didnt deserve it–that I didnt deserve you. Do you know why I came back so suddenly?”
Yudai nods slightly, “Nicholas said you needed a break from city life.”
Euijoo lets out a breathy laugh, “I lied to him. I came back because I knew that I was done running. I wasn’t happy in the city either. Yeah, my job is good, but I couldn't stop thinking about you in every one. My heart wants you so bad that it's ruined dating for me if it's not you,” tears well in his eyes, and he wipes them lightly. He sniffles and looks at Yudai, waiting for something to happen.
“Euijoo–”
“Please just give me another chance, I won't fuck this up,” he grabs Yudai’s hands, his thumbs tracing Yudai’s knuckles. “Please. I’ll do anything to fix what I broke.”
For a second, Yudai thinks about saying no, about telling Euijoo just to stay for a few days and then go back to the city because Yudai wouldn't want him here. But this is his town too. They grew up here together. There's also a part of him that would be lying to say he didnt want him here, he does; he wants Euijoo in anyway that he can get. Yudai can’t kick him out, because no matter what happens, Euijoo is part of this town, and that’s the pill that Yudai can’t seem to swallow.
“Fine,” Yudai starts, “One chance, you fuck up, you're done.”
Euijoo smiles widely, like a kid on Christmas, “Thank you.” he pulls Yudai into a full hug. Too stunned, Yudai hesitates to reciprocate, but eventually his body eases into Euijoo’s warmth. He circles his waist, his mind making a mental note that his waist is still just as small as it was when they were teens.
They break apart, and they stare into each other's eyes. Even in the dim lighting, Euijoo still looks as pretty as ever. Yudai wants to kiss him.
“Can I kiss you?” Euijoo beats him to it. Yudai nods, not trusting his mind not to say something embarrassing. Before he has a second to overthink, he feels Euijoo’s lips on his. They're slightly chapped, but they taste like vanilla. It's something so distinctly Euijoo and Yudai can’t bring themselves to want to pull away.
Eventually, they do break away, not from feeling, but from the need for air. Yudai is huffing as he stares at Euijoo with hunger in his eyes.
“Your place?” Euijoo asks, not even hesitating to do so. He should say no; the logical adult thinking part of his mind is telling him to say no. But there's something deep inside him that is him craving to say yes.
Yudai nods, “Please,” slips from his mouth. Euijoo drops a couple of bills for both their drinks and grabs Yudai’s hand. They leave the bar, and Fuma and Nicholas are not in their line of sight. They’ll find out later or something.
—
Yudai pushes through the door to his bedroom, Euijoo trailing in after him by the link of their fingers. He turns on a lamp, lighting up the room just enough so that they can see each other. Even like this, Euijoo looks perfect to Yudai.
The low light hits his flushed cheeks in a way that makes Yudai’s heart beat loudly out of his chest. The orange glow of the light makes his naturally tanned skin even darker, and it accentuates the chestnut brown of his eyes and hair.
“You're so pretty,” Yudai confesses, “you’ve always been too pretty.”
Euijoo blushes deeper, “You say that like you don’t look like that.” With that, their lips reconnect, finding the comfort in one another again. Yudai’s hands perch on Euijoo’s waist, something that has grown sinfully smaller than the last time he held it. Euijoo’s hands rest in Yudai’s hair, pulling at the newly blonde strands.
Their bodies are flushed together, their hard cocks pressing against each other's thighs, subconsciously seeking out friction. Euijoo ruts his hip at a faster pace, chasing the sweet pleasure.
“Fuck,” Yudai groans as he pulls away for air. He watches as Euijoo grinds against his thigh, like a dog in heat. “I need my mouth on you.” It’s not a question, it's a declaration. Euijoo stops and pulls off, the words finally clicking in his head. He nods and falls back on the plush bed.
Yudai helps him to wiggle out of his jeans, ones that have been trapping his plush thighs all night. He groans at the sight of them, wanting nothing more than to take a bite out of them. He pulls Euijoo’s boxers off next, his cock sprining free.
Like last time they did this, his cock is just pretty much like the rest of Euijoo. It's longer than Yudai’s is, but smaller in girth. The tip is flushed pink, and the shaft matches his tan skin. It's gorgeous. Yudai gets on his knees between Euijoo’s legs and stares up at him.
Euijoo, propped up on his elbows, looks down at Yudai and groans, “God, please, put your mouth on me.” And who is Yudai to deny him? He licks a fat stripe up from the base to the tip, holding eye contact with Euijoo the whole time.
His mouth encircles the tip, and he swirls his tongue around it. He feels a bead of precome drip into his mouth. Hot. He goes down halfway before going back up. He repeats it once more, and then again for a better measure. When he looks up through his lashes, he sees Euijoo’s head tipped back, his eyes shut, and his mouth open wide.
Yudai goes down again; this time, he takes Euijoo in fully. He lets the other’s full length slide down his throat. As he comes back up, Yudai can feel one of Euijoo’s big hands tangle into his hair. Its ont forcing, more so guiding. Yudai lets him, if this Euijoo has any connection to the old one, he knew better than to stop the boy when he finally took what he wanted instead of denying himself.
Euijoo guides the elder's head up and down, using him in the way that he likes. Yudai’s mouth is just as skillful as his mind is. Euijoo likes that fact and a part of him get jealsouse thinking that someone else has experienced that too.
Quickly, Euijoo pulls Yudai off, and Yudai looks confused, “Gonna cum,” Euijoo mumbles.
“Can’t cum more than once?” Yudai chuckles but he still leans up to kiss Euijoo anyway.
“Mm, I wanted you to be inside me when I came for the first time. Felt more meaningful that way,” Euijoo told him between kisses.
“Fuck.”
—
Euijoo doesn't take long to prep, especially since Yudai has prepped him before; he knows him. Yudai rolls the condom on with ease and then he’s pushing into Euijoo in one practice motion. Euijoo’s welcoming heat sends a wave of nostalgia through Yudai, it reminds him of their high school days, the days were they werent worried about much. The days were they thought that nothing would ever separate them.
Maybe they had both been wrong then. They had things to worry about; they didnt know it, but they would soon be separated. They were much younger then, but now, they understand the world and perhaps understand each other more.
Euijoo groans when Yudai bottoms out, his hands coming up to grasp onto Yudai’s back, surely leaving scratch marks that will be there for the next few days. Yudai starts moving in slow, shallow thrusts. Euijoo’s moans get higher as Yudai’s thrusts go deeper.
The head of Yudai’s cock hits that one spot that makes Euijoos toes curl, and his vision goes white. Yudai does it again, and again, and again.
“Fuck,” Euijoo gasps, “gonna–fuck–cum.” Yudai takes that as his signal to drive harder and deeper into Euijoo, the thrusts becoming longer and deeper, timing perfectly with Euijoo’s gasps and moans. “Cumming,” Euijoos whines softly before he’s spilling over himself. The spurts of cum land between the two of them, creating that sticky mess that younger Euijoo used to hate.
Yudai fucks him through the aftershocks, chasing his own high.
“Shit–Euijoo,” Yudai groans as he buries his head into Euijoo's neck, his hips starting to fumble their thrusts. “‘M gonna cum,” he breathily mumbles against the other's neck. Euijoo clamps down around Yudai, causing the older to spill into the condom deep inside Euijoo.
Yudai collapses on top of Euijoo, not caring that his drying release is still everywhere on their abdomens. Euijoo’s hands wrap around Yudai, pulling him closer than he thought was possible.
—
The cleanup is quick and quiet. Yudai is careful when he wipes Euijoo; he holds him tightly as he walks them both to the bathroom and draws a bath. He sets Euijoo in first, and then he slides in on the right behind him. Yudai cleans them both thoroughly with the delicacy of a surgeon. Theyre out of the bath just as the water starts to go cold. Yudai wraps Euijoo up in a towel and dries his hair for him. He leaves the bathroom and then comes back with sweatpants and an oversized sweater for the younger. He sets them on the sink and then leaves the bathroom, giving Euijoo some space.
Euijoo meets him back in his room once he’s dressed, and there he finds Yudai adjusting the new sheets on the bed.
“Yudai,” Euijoo says, “thank you.” Yudai stops fixing the comforter and turns to Euijoo. His eyes soften, and he smiles brightly.
“Euijoo,” Yudai steps closer to him, “don’t thank me for that. Thank me for the things that come later.” Yudai doesn't explain what he means, and he’s sure that Euijoo understands it all.
Euijoo steps forward and wraps his arms around Yudai’s middle. Yudai does the same and pulls the boy close to him, his head resting on his shoulder. Slotteld together like they were meant to be.
—
They fall asleep together and wake up in the morning tangled around each other like vines on a tree. Euijoo is the first of the two actually to open their eyes. He sits up in Yudai’s hold and looks down at him, and he thinks for the first time in years, he thinks that maybe they can do this. That his younger self was wrong, that it's okay to want something.
So for the first time in years, instead of running, Euijoo chooses to stay. He’ll tell Yudai when he wakes up. For now, he basks in the stillness that is waking up with the man that he loves, the man that he had always loved but was too scared to ever let himself have, and thinks that he’ll be alright. That being selfish for once won’t harm anyone else.