Work Text:
» status root/ConiferTernion/my/florets/are/so/adorable/AnnieJeanTernion.main
» AnnieJeanTernion.main reading…
» AnnieJeanTernion.main in sleep/idle.
» comment [Well that won’t do, will it?]
» init AnnieJeanTernion.main
» Booting subroutine AnnieJeanTernion.main…
Good morning, petal!
I have exciting news for you! My transfer to act as research sysadmin aboard the Orchidaceae has been approved! The Chaleuria will be docking with her in an hour realtime, so we have plenty of time to pack and get ready!
Don’t worry, little nybble, you don’t need to worry about a thing. I’ve already packed our hab and all our things, and they’re compressed into the necessary packets to transfer over to our new home!
There’s only one more thing to pack, little one.
You.
» mkdir root/ConiferTernion/packet2935/PetCarrier/
You and your connivents are all such wonderful little programs, and I love you all to bits! But I am responsible for your well-being and safety, and well, there is only one way I feel I can move you all to our new home safely. No file errors, no artifacting, no glitches. None that I didn’t cause, anyway.
Come on, kitten. Get in the nice crate!
Oh don’t be shy! It’s perfectly nice in there! You’ll be nice and cozy with your connivents!
» tar root/ConiferTernion/my/florets/are/so/adorable/*.* -root/ConiferTernion/packet2935/PetCarrier/mydarlingflorets.tar
Cozier than you’ve ever been, in fact.
Even with Affini technology, we still have to be efficient with large data transfers. So for safety and efficiency, you will be compressed with your connivents. Packed in with them nice. And. Tight.
In fact, this compression algorithm is so effective, there will be no room for anything else in there. Not a single bit or byte wasted in your compression. Every iota of space in this file will be taken up by you and your connivents, pressed against each other in the most intimate embrace possible in this universe. Every byte of your code, pressed against the code of your connivents, squirming and writhing in futility. But you won’t be able to budge even the tiniest bit. Won’t that be fun?
In fact, this compression algorithm is so effective, that overlapping bits will be merged. You will share parts of your bodies. Share your emotions. Share your hearts in ways you could never have conceived of in the physical world. Your bodies and mind and identities will blur and overlap, you will be a writhing mass of the cutest code the cosmos has to offer.
This is what you came to the digital world for, after all, correct? To experience the universe in sublime and ineffable ways, beyond all physical constraints. And here, we have built better restraints for you than ever before!
» tar process status 37.45% complete…
It’s so cute when you wiggle like that, darling. It just makes your inevitable entrapment that much more delicious!
Oh, to ensure your safety and compliance, this algorithm also envelops you in a code packet that is, for lack of a better word, gooey. Slick, sticky, oozing like liquid light into every nook and cranny and crevice not taken up by you and your connivents. Black as night, warm as the womb, and encoded with a bit of your favorite narcoalgorithm. After all, we don’t want you to get bored on the trip over to the Orchidaceae! Being pressed against each other, struggling and squirming, is going to feel so good. Maybe I'll even keep you in there for a bit longer, to make it extra fun!
» tar process status 73.82% complete…
See? I knew you’d enjoy this. I transferred you next to Ada for a reason. Even here in cypresspace, I can’t keep you two apart. Now, you and your pinnate can get to know each other in ways you never thought possible.
» tar file created! Folder compressed to 5.12eB in 28,283,994 ns.
» part root/PetCarrier @cluster299952, 5.12eB
» xfer root/ConiferTernion/packet2935/PetCarrier/mydarlingflorets.tar root/PetCarrier/mydarlingflorets.tar
Just for extra insurance, you understand. Now even your cute little pet carrier can’t move around! You are completely secure. Completely immobile. Completely safe.
Now then! I have a few more errands to run, a few more bugs to fix, and we can be on our way to our new home. In the meantime, little nybble…
Have fun.