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"I'm sorry?"
"Are you here for the bride or the groom?" the usher asks once more — almost sardonically.
No, you're just being too sensitive. It's a simple question.
... with no simple answer.
I stutter on my response, or rather, lack thereof. ... bride or groom? Such formalities seem strange.
The usher looks at me with a new sense of urgency as the sound of the piano echoes through the church.
I feign a smile, waving to no one on the groom's side of the chapel.
"Don't worry!" I whisper to the usher as the piano grows louder. Can she hear the slight quiver in my voice? Am I going to Hell for lying in a church? "I see my family over there, I'll seat myself."
It's time to face the music...
So, like some awful dream, I move my feet and take my seat. The procession begins, and there you are.
Maybe in another life — NO.
Gritting my teeth, I gnaw on the inside of my cheek. There's no use in thinking like that today — or ever again.
Never again.
Today is about you. The both of you. Today, the two of you become one.
Today, my childhood best friend marries the man of my dreams.
And it takes everything in me not to run from the church in tears.
And then I see the dress.
If I had told you sooner...
In another life, would that be me?
"She makes a lovely bride," your older brother says. And I can't help but agree.
∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡♡♡ ɞ∘•················•∘
The clinks of forks to glass fill the ballroom as you lean in to kiss her.
I'm seated at a table with unrecognizable faces.
You stand, with your wife seated beside you, as you profess your undying love for her. And there's a moment in your speech where I swear you almost say my name.
It's the first dance. The music swells, and I watch you dip her in a well-choreographed move. The look in your eyes tells me how delusional I was to think my name would ever slip from your lips during that romantic speech; I see your face, it's clear as day, you love her, and it shows.
It's over, isn't it?
∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡♡♡ ɞ∘•················•∘
The party is far from over, but deciding I can't take another moment of this, I march over to the head table with my head held high and my smile convincing. But the wedding march from this afternoon is still plaguing my thoughts, mocking me.
🎶 This is goodbye, this is goodbye 🎶
Because... in this lifetime, I'm not yours.
🎶 Always the bridesmaid, but never the bride 🎶
And now, I never will be.
"She makes a lovely bride, Hee," I say when it's just us two, repeating the words I heard your brother say at the chapel — my eyes trained on your wife and your in-laws across the dance floor as they speak frantically to one another.
Your lips move in a familiar call as my name leaves your lips. I can barely hear you over the music, but I can hear the warning in your voice. One look at you tells me there's something more you want to say.
... but I can't stand to be here another second. So I offer you one last teary smile before I do an about-face and walk out of the hotel ballroom — and, decidedly, out of your lives.
And I can't help but wonder if I told you sooner, would I be where she is now?