Chapter Text
Jeno really can’t explain that unsettling feeling blooming deep inside his guts. The whole flight from Bangkok to Tokyo he’s been nervous - it’s not that he’s scared of flying - he just has had that uncomfortable hunch something might happen.
Maybe he’s just excited to the level of it making him nauseous, since it’s a huge thing, spending Christmas and greeting New Year with 6 people he used to grow up with. His best friends he hasn’t seen for two years now, since their ways parted after they finished college.
Or maybe, just maybe… it’s all about one particular friend, he’s been so nervous to stand face to face with.
When he finally leaves the airplane, his whole body shivers from the coldness he didn’t feel for a while, spending the last two months in Thailand working on a project. Even still inside the airport he can feel that outside must be freezing and the view from the huge window only confirms his prediction. Everything outside is blanketed with white, heavy snow which is still sifting in soft, small flakes.
He rushes to finally pick up his luggage. On his way he turns off airplane mode only to get dozens of notifications he’s not going to even read right now. He just texts their group chat to inform the rest of the boys he’s already in Tokyo, hoping someone has deigned to pick him up from the airport to take him to Jaemin’s place. And the moment he finally collects his suitcase, his phone rings and he picks it up without looking at the screen.
“I landed” he says the second he puts the phone to his ear. “I swear if no one is here to pick me up…”
“I’m waiting outside next to the taxi stop, Jeno-ya”
Jeno stops. Suddenly, he can’t move his legs anymore and his heartbeat gets faster, while the breath hitches in his throat.
“Hey, are you there?”
“Yeah” Jeno breathes out, barely a whisper. He’s not even sure if this is audible. “Yeah, I’ll be there in a few minutes” he repeats. And then the call ends, leaving the man frozen in one spot for a moment, just looking at the black screen. He kind of feels like he might faint in a second or two.
As soon as he steps outside, a freezing wind hits his face, painting his skin in a pink blush. White flakes fall gently on his hair and jacket, not melting but gathering there, making him shiver even more when it comes in contact with his uncovered neck. Jeno holds his suitcase harder, following a sign directing to the taxi stop.
And finally he spots a familiar but oh so unfamiliar person.
When Jaemin notices him, his smile gets big and bright. One of his arms shoots up to wave enthusiastically, in case Jeno hasn’t seen him yet. Jeno is not sure if it’s only in his head but he feels as if suddenly the whole world around them has slowed down - as cliche as it might sound. He just feels dizzy, his knees weaker, hands sweaty and heart fighting the urge to jump out of his chest. He’s trying to convince himself he’s just excited to see his best friend after two years of barely keeping in touch.
Finally, he stops right in front of Jaemin with a trembling breath and heavy chest, looking at his face.
Jaemin’s eyes watch him carefully but with that warm glimpse of comfort and happiness, always reminding him of a cup of hot chocolate. His slightly trembling from low temperature lips, spread in a gentle, sweet like honey smile that feels like an unspoken “welcome”. And remaining silent, the other man just opens his arms and steps closer, titling his head just to close Jeno in a tight and warm embrace.
“It’s so good to see you, Jeno-ya” Jaemin says with a little chuckle, like he can’t believe he really has Jeno in his arms again.
Jeno, upon hearing these words and feeling the well known warmth from the arms he used to seek comfort from, lets himself be selfish. Even if it’s just for a moment of weakness he might regret later. So he wraps his own arms around the broad shoulders of Jaemin, face hiding in the snow-moistened material of the scarf wrapped around Jaemin’s tall column of neck, smelling exactly how Jeno remembers it. He tries to breathe him in discreetly, but it turns out more like a trembling sigh.
“You must be cold” Jaemin comments, probably feeling Jeno’s body shaking. The blonde man caresses his back for a moment, but Jeno starts feeling like it’s too much. So he takes a step back, but still stays close. “Ah, you’re still so stubborn” his voice hides a glimpse of something fond when he reaches for his own scarf and starts unwrapping it.
It makes Jeno even more confused, watching him with eyebrows furrowed. He still hasn’t said anything. Shortly after there’s warm material being wrapped around Jeno’s neck and Jaemin shakes his head with a small smile. Jeno lets him finish, knowing well there’s no use in stopping him. And when their eyes meet again, he finally finds courage to say something.
“It’s good to see you too” he lets it hang between them. Jaemin pauses all his movements, just to smile even brighter. Then he zips Jeno’s jacket up, smooths the material of the scarf and reaches for Jeno's suitcase.
“Let’s go home, Jeno-ya”
Home, this is how Jeno used to think of him.
Jeno gets in the car first, secretly tucking his nose in the material of the scarf, now taking a deeper breath, sniffing the lingering smell. When the driver door opens, he quickly turns his head to the window, feeling how his cheeks are getting red along with the tip of his ears. Jaemin quietly starts the car, turning the music on so the little space is now filled with soft Christmas songs in the background.
“What time does Haechan arrive? Maybe we should wait somewhere near? There's no point for you to come back here so soon” Jeno asks, still not looking at his friend.
“Oh, you haven't checked the group chat in a while, have you?”
“No, why?” he furrows his eyebrows, confused.
“Well, the snow is too strong in Seoul, Haechan's flight got cancelled” Jaemin explains calmly, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel.
“Oh, shit” Jeno gasps. “It sucks, he was so excited to arrive here early enough to see as much as possible”
“Yeah, it's so sad, I was so excited to have you all here for the whole two weeks” Jaemin hums with a little smile. “But we are still gonna have so much fun, even if there's just the two of us, right?”
“What?”
Jeno chokes on his own saliva.
Just the two of us…
“What do you mean, just the two of us? How about the rest of the boys?” He asks, it's quiet since he's scared of his own voice trembling.
Jaemin just chuckles, watching him when they stop at the traffic lights “You really should read our group chat more often”
Jeno doesn't answer, just reaches for his phone immediately with a clammy hand, the other one unwrapping the scarf because he feels himself getting nauseous. He realizes Jaemin is not joking at all.
Chenle is on a sudden surprise trip with his parents to Europe.
Renjun is staying in China a little longer since his cousin gave birth.
Jisung is in Busan, visiting his parents.
Mark still has a few projects to manage in Canada.
And the last message from Haechan is about his canceled flight.
So it’s really just the two of us…
“If I had known I wouldn't come so early either to bother you for the whole week all by myself” Jeno murmurs, feeling extremely awkward when he realizes he's really about to be here alone with Jaemin till the rest arrive just on Christmas Eve day.
“Come on, Jeno-ya” Jaemin nudges his shoulder. “You're not bothering me. I'm glad at least someone is here to keep me company. Tokyo’s always been so lonely” the last sentence is added in barely a whisper, almost like it was only meant for him.
Jeno doesn't reply, he feels like there's nothing right to say at this moment. He looks outside the window, while the traffic light turns green and Jaemin makes the car move again. Tokyo doesn't look like it's lonely at all. There are umpteen people rushing through the streets covered in snow. It's loud and overwhelming.
But Jeno gets him.
Because even though he has been in many different cities around the world and has met hundreds of people in the last two years, he hasn’t had a single day when he didn’t feel alone.
‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆
Jeno is so nervous to leave the bathroom, he just took a shower in. He really can't believe it, he's in Jaemin's apartment in Japan, more precisely in Jaemin's bathroom, from where he hears Jaemin humming a Christmas song from the kitchen where he prepares dinner for them. When he looks around, he recognizes many cosmetics that used to be scattered all around their shelves in the bathroom when they shared the apartment. Jeno still remembers when he once broke the jar with one of Jaemin's lotions and the other man told him it was an expensive one so he ended up apologizing for the rest of the night just to check it the next day and realize it wasn't expensive at all.
Now he just chuckles at the memory.
When he finally finds the courage to leave the bathroom, now changed into a comfortable hoodie and sweatpants combo and with his hair still damp, he smells something amazing coming straight from the kitchen. He recognizes this smell. It reminds him of the days when he came back from classes in a terrible mood and the second he stepped in their apartment, there was always his favorite comfort food waiting for him, served by a person with a gentle smile, who closed him in his arms and kissed him better.
Jaemin used to be some kind of specialist in making his head empty but his heart and belly always full.
Jeno steps into the kitchen with a stomach rumbling in hunger. He stops at the entrance and just looks at the scene in front of him. Jaemin stands by the stove, adding some seasoning to the food. He's wearing a mint hoodie that stirs another memory in Jeno's head - but there's a hint of something else, causing Jeno's mouth to go dry - the hoodie used to be oversized, completely engulfing Jaemin’s body, but now it's tightly hugging his broad shoulders and buff arms, exposing how well built the man became.
“Oh, you're back” Jaemin turns to him with a little smile and a wooden spoon in hand. “Come here, try it” he hums, scooping some kimchi bokkeumbap, his favourite comfort food.
Jeno moves closer slowly, hesitantly and when he stops in front of Jaemin, he reaches with his own hand for the spoon. Surprisingly Jaemin just shakes his head with a chuckle and shoves it near Jeno's mouth, while opening his own to show him what he expects from the other. Jeno feels so awkward under other's eager eyes watching him expectantly, one hand under the spoon in case some food falls off of it. Finally, Jeno opens his mouth and accepts a spoonful of the dish.
He's chewing attentively in complete silence, meanwhile Jaemin is not taking his eyes off of him to not miss any twitch of Jeno's face during the tasting. His face relaxed, the corner of his mouth raised slightly in the smallest hint of a smile and eyes closed, but when he opens them - and maybe Jaemin is delusional or he's projecting something - he sees tears forming in Jeno's eyes as he's looking at him but seems distant at the same time.
Jeno blinks quickly and coughs awkwardly, when he realizes he got emotional over something so stupid like the taste of food. He turns around to the counter to pour himself a glass of water.
“It’s really good” Jeno finally says, after he drinks and makes sure he's not going to burst into tears anymore.
“Yeah?” Jaemin smiles at him gently, fighting the urge to reach for his hand. “Okay then let’s eat before it gets cold”
They prepare the table together in complete silence. Jeno is not sparing Jaemin even a little glimpse, focused on putting the full bowls and chopsticks evenly, not aware of Jaemin’s eyes drifting his way every few seconds while preparing drinks. After everything is set, they sit on the opposite side of the table.
“Dig in” says Jaemin, not reaching for his own chopsticks yet.
“Thank you for the meal” murmurs Jeno, finally taking his first bite.
For a moment Jaemin just watches him. Jeno has always been a slow eater, but so expressive, eating so deliciously, making little noises every now and then and definitely enjoying his food - always making Jaemin so full just by watching him. Especially when he is eating the food made by him.
“Eat” Jeno huffs, feeling embarrassed by Jaemin’s attention on him.
Jaemin nods and finally he picks up his chopsticks, but before he starts eating, he takes a piece of meat and puts it in Jeno’s bowl without a word. Just something he always did, it felt natural, but maybe it’s not anymore as he’s met with how Jeno glances at him, frozen mid-bite, with chopsticks in the air and his heart suddenly missing a beat. The next thing he eats is the piece of meat Jaemin gave him.
“Thank you” Jeno says quietly, his mouth still full, cheeks puffed and eyes so soft.
Jaemin is satisfied - he finally starts eating himself.
After dinner is done, Jeno awkwardly stands up and starts gathering the dirty dishes, but Jaemin’s hand catching his wrist stops him. “You’re tired after the flight, go rest” he says.
“I’m fine” Jeno answers, continuing his movements. “Together we will finish faster”
Once again, it all feels as comfortable as an old shoe. Like nothing has changed, like it’s still them from two years ago. It always went like this. Jaemin was cooking, they were eating together and then Jeno was the one cleaning or sometimes they did it together, so they could finally skip to the better part like snuggling on the couch or taking a nap in their bed after a long day.
“Do you fancy tea?” asks Jaemin, when they’re almost done with the cleaning. Jeno shakes his head, drying his hands with the kitchen towel. “I think I’m gonna head to bed, I still need to call my parents”
“Sure thing” Jaemin hums. “I actually prepared the space for all 7 of us to fit here, so you can take the couch or mattress in the room that works as my studio, or the one in the living room or the bed in my bedroom” he explains. Jeno’s eyes widen at the mention of Jaemin’s bed. “I meant, you would take the bed and I will go sleep somewhere else” Jaemin adds quickly, feeling how his cheeks get warmer.
“I’m good with the studio’s couch for now” Jeno clears his throat awkwardly.
“Okay, I will bring you the bedsheets in a moment”
Jeno waits in the room by the window, watching the view of Tokyo in the middle of the night, painted with many lights and covered in snow. When Jaemin comes inside, Jeno thanks him for the bedsheets and informs that he will just get it ready on his own. So there’s no other reason for Jaemin to stay in the room with Jeno. He stands hesitantly by the door, hand on the handle.
“If you need anything, you can come to my room or just call my name” Jaemin says quietly, taking his hand off the handle and stepping further into the room again. “Actually, you can move around freely and get anything you need without asking. Just make yourself at home” he smiles.
“Thank you” Jeno mumbles and smiles back, clutching the bedsheets still in his hands.
“Then, I’ll leave you alone for the night”
“Yeah, it was a long day” Jeno lets out a shaky breath.
There’s no reason to stay here, no things they can say anymore.
“Good night, Jeno-ya” he finally mumbles, slowly taking a step back.
“Sleep well, Jaeminnie”
Jaeminnie, it makes Jaemin’s chest clench uncomfortably. He turns around in no time, biting on his lower lip and trying to just stop himself before he says - or worse does - something stupid.
“Oh, and…” Jeno starts, surprising Jaemin who just opened the door and is about to step out. Jaemin forces a smile, this time tight and not so bright.
“Yeah, do you need anything else?”
“Just wanted to thank you for letting me stay here” Jeno’s words are so quiet, the other man is not sure if he has heard him right.
“No problem” Jaemin nods and then he adds after a beat of uncertainty. “Let’s just not overthink it and have fun, okay?”
“Yeah, let’s do that” Jeno breathes out, a bit uncertain
The last smiles and looks into each other's eyes are their farewell for the night.
Jeno can’t fall asleep long after he has been left alone - still thinking of how Jaemin’s arms welcomed him today back into his life again.