Chapter Text
Then
With trembling hands, and tear-blurred eyes, a quiet breath escaped from Jaemin’s chest. He stood alone in the bathroom, its door ajar with filtered lamplight peeking inside. In his hands he cradled one singular test decorated with a set of pink lines, confirming what he’d already assumed. He blinked carefully, willing away the thick drops of tears threatening to caress his cheeks as his smile grew.
He set the test on the edge of the counter, biting down on a smile as he stepped back into their room. It was quieter than usual with Jeno away attending a conference for the night, and Jaemin’s gaze was drawn towards the bed - to the dip in the sheets where Jeno usually slept, cold and untouched. He unplugged his phone from the side table, thumb sliding over the screen, dialing his husband.
The line rang once, in pace with his racing heart, then twice, before it connected.
“Jeno-ya,” Jaemin blurted.
The man on the opposite end hummed. “Hi, love.” A smile sat behind the endearment.
Jaemin propped himself against the corner of their bed. “How was your day?” His hand smoothed down his pajama-cover thigh.
“Really good,” Jeno’s voice was warm. “How about yours?”
“Really, really good.”
“Without me?” His husband teased.
Jaemin took a deep breath, “Well, tomorrow will be even better.”
“And why’s that?”
“Because,” he grinned, “you’ll be back home. Duh.”
A muffled laugh echoed through the phone.
“You’re not allowed to leave me again, you know.” Jaemin continued. “It’s not very nice.”
“I should be back home before dinner,” Jeno ignored his quips. “Let me take you out.”
“Is that a question?” A playful lilt carried Jaemin’s inquiry.
“You’re funny,” his husband amused. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Jaemin’s breath hitched in his throat, and words stalled on the tip of his tongue. He settled with a “Yeah, tomorrow.”
“Is everything okay?” Jeno sensed his pause.
“Yes, I just miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
Quiet sat comfortably between them for a beat. For a moment it was only Jaemin and this little life, one they’d created. He could let himself relish in the secret of their love for one night. Movement caught his eye from his peripheral and turning to look he watched as fresh, white flurries came fluttering down. The tree outside their bedroom window was frostbitten at the edges of its branches, and the street below was covered with a gentle blanket of snow.
Jeno broke their silence, “I love you, Jaeminnie.”
“I love you too,” Jaemin grinned. He twirled the hem of his shirt between his fingers. “Call me on your way home?”
“I will,” Jeno agreed in earnest. “Goodnight.”
“Night,” He bit back a deeper smile.
🎄
“Jeno-ya,” Jaemin called from where he stood in the middle of the living room. The backlight of the Christmas tree shimmered behind him as he shifted weight between his feet. He swallowed, sucking in a deep breath as footsteps approached from the hallway.
“Yes?” Jeno peeked around the corner, gaze attentive.
“Come here,” Jaemin motioned with his head. “I want to give you something.”
Jeno’s brows pinched in playful wariness. “What is it?”
“Just come here,” Jaemin rolled his eyes, smiling. “Please.”
Cautious intrigue carried Jeno to stand in front of his husband. By instinct, he gathered Jaemin’s hands in his own, eyes creasing with affection.
“Sit down,” Jaemin nodded towards the couch.
Jeno laughed. “What-why?”
“Just sit down,” Jaemin crowded his space, peppering a kiss against Jeno’s lips as he walked him backward. When he sat, he crawled to sit in his lap, arms wrapping around his neck.
Jeno’s hands moved to Jaemin’s waist and thigh, squeezing gently.
“I have a surprise,” Jaemin’s heart fluttered, and his stomach coiled with heat.
“A surprise?” His husband's voice lowered.
“Not that kind,” He swatted Jeno’s shoulder. “Even better than that.”
Jeno shifted beneath him, “My interest has been piqued.” He ran a palm carefully against Jaemin’s frame.
“Wait, close your eyes,” Jaemin giggled, plunging his hand between the back cushions of the couch to fish out a slim, decorated box from where he’d placed it earlier in the day.
His husband compiled, easily, with a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.
The younger flexed his empty fist as his heart thumped against his chest. He paused for a moment as he held the box between them - eyes fluttering between his husband and down to his own abdomen which was no longer empty. With an exhale he laid the box across his hands, an expectation bubbled beneath his skin.
“Okay,” He rolled back his shoulders. “You can open them.”
A satisfied hum vibrated through Jeno’s ribs as he opened his eyes, blinking once as he readjusted to the light. He took notice of the container balanced in Jaemin’s hands quickly. “What’s this?” He caressed Jaemin’s wrists.
“Just open it,” Jaemin’s voice quivered with anticipation. He fought back a laugh, nerves and excitement all wrapped up together.
The older didn’t look at the box as he took it from him, instead his eyes stayed fixed on Jaemin, who shimmied closer into his hold. He looked down when he undid the bow, eyes darting briefly back to his husband as he removed the lid. Jaemin’s heart quickened as he sifted through the colored paper, Jeno’s own fingers seeming to fight back their own tremble.
Jaemin pursed his lips, breath caught in his throat when a singular test stared back at them, gift tissue floating to the floor.
When Jeno registered what was in his hands, his head snapped upwards, looking at Jaemin. “Babe-”
Jaemin interrupted him with a nod, palm coming to caress the older’s cheek.
“Oh my god-” Jeno reached to sit the box on the coffee table, his grip tightening around the younger’s waist as he leaned. “Babe,” he repeated, sitting back against the cushions. He snaked both of his arms fully around Jaemin, tugging him closer.
Finally, Jaemin let a small laugh slip as he threw himself into Jeno’s embrace. He nuzzled into his husband's neck, knees coming up to bracket against the man’s side while he made himself small. Warm, wide palms slipped under his jumper to smooth across his back - he pushed closer.
Jeno kissed behind his ear. “When did you find out?”
“Last night,” Jaemin mumbled against his skin. “Right before I called you,” he leaned back to look Jeno in the eye. “I wanted to tell you so bad.”
The older brushed loose hair away from Jaemin’s eye. “And you’re sure?”
“Yes, the three other tests upstairs are all the same.”
For a moment Jeno did nothing but stare - eyes alight, twinkling with affection, and mirroring warm reflections of the holiday decor strung about. He leaned in to kiss Jaemin, unable to find words to match the surge of pride welling in him.
“Baby,” Jaemin grinned, amused. “Are you crying?”
Jeno sniffled, smile evident as he buried his head into the younger’s chest. He shook his head.
“Don’t cry,” He cooed. “Why’re you crying?”
“How are you not?”
“I did earlier,” Jaemin laughed. “My quota has been met already.”
Looking up, Jeno’s nose was pink, his eyes puffy with emotion, but a smile never left. “I’m just happy,” he rubbed his hands more firmly against Jaemin’s thigh. “This is-” He exhaled.
Jaemin cupped his jaw with both of his palms, thumb caressing the sides of his husband's cheek.
“I’ve always wanted this. Especially with you.”
🎄
Jaemin was due soon, and his body found humor in reminding him of it.
His hips ached, his back was incessantly sore, and good sleep was hard to find now that it was a chore to find a comfortable position to lay. He opened his eyes, for the fifth time that night, only now he was alone. He sat up, and noticed a light barely making it up the stairs and down the hall.
He hobbled out of their room and carefully down each step, finding his husband seated at the counter.
“Jen?” Jaemin’s question cut through the silence.
His husband lifted his head in acknowledgement.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m just thinking.”
“About what?” He shuffled across the living room, shirt popping over her tummy and the waistband of his sweats rolled down over his hips.
“A lot of things.”
“Like?”
Jeno froze.
Jaemin could sense it, and he understood. He, too, had wrestled with his own fear. What if he wasn’t enough, or what if he messed up, were all thoughts that circulated in his head, attempting to steal away the excitement that blossomed. His pregnancy hadn’t been easy - rough waves of nausea and discomfort induced insomnia had brought him to a vulnerable point of clarity. He knew, logically, it wouldn't be easy. He also knew, rationally, there was no need to worry. Not when his saint of a husband had carried him all the way through to this point. His husband deserved that same reassurance, that same truth that he was, in fact, good enough for the life they would soon bring into the world.
“It’s just,” Jeno’s shoulders sagged, “what if I’m not good at it?”
“Good at what?”
“Being a dad.”
Jaemin stood behind him, palm coming to caress his back. “I’ve seen you with kids, they love you.”
“But this will be my kid.”
The younger didn’t break the pause.
“My daughter,” Jeno continued, “our daughter.”
“And you’ll be the best father in the whole entire world.”
🎄