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It was a few weeks later, well into October, when Sam was finally healed up and feeling better.
It was a nice Saturday, a gentle breeze in the air, just cool enough that Sam could gear up in his favorite long-sleeve fishing shirt without too much sweating.
With all the fishing gear in the truck, Alpine and Fiagro fed for the day, Sam and Bucky headed out to Sarah’s.
They were taking AJ and Cass out on the water, and Sarah had said she’d cook dinner with whatever they brought back. Sam was really hoping for at least 3 redfish, that would mean they could each have a grilled filet. There was a little grass flat not too far from the dock at Sarah’s, Sam had a bunch of shrimp as bait, and was ready to do some sight fishing. Bucky, on the other hand, was planning to cast his reel and see what came.
“It’s just calmer that way.” Bucky explained, elbow on the car windowsill, all the windows down to let the cool breeze in, running his fingers through his hair. “I just want to chill and see what comes.”
“Yeah, well I want redfish for dinner.” Sam countered, turning onto the road where Sarah’s was. Their house was only ten minutes at most from Sarah’s, so it wasn’t a long drive.
Something Bucky also doesn’t realize is that he’s excellent at reeling in as soon as the fish was hooked. He had the craziest reflexes- Sam has seen him reel in a huge sheepshead without even looking. He could just cast, relax, and wait until something bit, because no way was he going to lose it for being too slow.
As soon as the truck pulled up at Sarah’s, AJ and Cass came running out from the house, their rods sticking up out of their fishing backpacks.
“Hey, ready to get a ton of fish?” Sam asked as he climbed out of the truck, already knowing the answer.
“Yeah!” They shouted in unison, and Bucky began unloading their supplies from the truck. The bay boat was already waiting and ready at the dock, all they had to do was load their stuff in and get on the water.
Sarah came out on the porch, holding her phone up, as if she was taking a photo.
“Hey, boys, come here!” She called, and AJ and Cass ran over. Bucky had gotten the cooler, tackle box, both of their bags and rods, and the smaller, fabric cooler they’d stocked with water, juice, and some snacks out of the truck, and was carrying all of them at once over to the boat.
Super-soldier, showing off.
Sam shook his head, going over to where Sarah and the boys were. Sarah was, in fact, filming something.
“Hey Cass, how many fish are you gonna catch today?” She asked.
“3!” Cass yelled.
“AJ, how many fish are you gonna catch today?”
“2!” AJ replied, just as enthused as Cass.
“Sam, how many fish are you gonna catch today?”
Sam crossed his arms, smirking at her. “What is this, Sarah?”
She rolls her eyes. “Play along Sam, how many fish are you gonna catch today?”
“I’ll catch as many as I catch.” Sam shrugged. He was intending to be contradictory. He would play Sarah’s little game, but not right away.
“A number, Samuel Thomas Wilson.” Sarah said, exasperated, and Sam decides to give in.
“I really hope I get 3.” Sam responds. “Redfish, specifically.”
By this point, Bucky is back from putting all the supplies in the boat, only the bags on AJ and Cass’s backs left.
“Bucky, how many fish are you gonna catch today?” Sarah points the camera in Bucky’s direction, and he blinks, a little taken aback but quickly finding the answer.
“At least 1 would be nice, but whatever comes to me is cool.” He said offhandedly, before patting Cass and AJ on the shoulders. “Alright, c’mon, let’s get your stuff in the boat so we can head out and have enough time before we have to come back for dinner.”
As the boys followed Bucky over to the dock, Sam turned back to Sarah. “You sure you don’t wanna come?” He’d asked her a million times already, the answer always the same, but he tried one final time.
“I got a lot of paperwork, Sam.” Sarah sighed. “You’re doing me a huge favor by taking them out, they’ve wanted to have a nice fishing day for a while and I just never have time.”
“Well, you better get ready to make some grilled redfish, ‘cause I’m coming back with enough for dinner.” Sam assured as he began to walk towards the dock too, and Sarah laughed.
“Alright, alright, we’ll see how your cockiness works out.” She teases as Sam starts jogging towards the dock, watching as Bucky, AJ, and Cass already seem ready to leave.
Bucky and Cass sit behind the controls, while Sam invites AJ up to sit right next to him. He’s going to get his license in a year, so Sam better start teaching him how to drive a boat for real.
AJ knew the basics, but still watched carefully as Sam got the boat undocked and started the motor.
“Alright, we’re not going too far, so we’re not going to go too fast. Just enough to get us there. Water’s a little low right now, so by not going too fast we can better avoid any surprise areas that may be higher than we thought.” Sam knew these waters like the back of his hand, traveled them ever since he was little, so unless there was a big change in the currents or a recent heavy storm, he was pretty knowledgeable about the terrain under the water, but it was important to point it out to AJ. It’s better safe than sorry, getting unstuck from being run aground is bad for not only the trip, but the environment and the boat as well.
AJ observed everything with a keen eye- Sam’s steering, the control panel, the way the water looked around them. Behind them, Cass was telling Bucky about his latest project in Minecraft.
It wasn’t too long until Sam saw some seagrass in the distance, and he slowed down even more.
“We’re almost there.” AJ pointed to the patch of seagrass that was now visible, and Sam nodded.
“Yep, so when you see the grass, slow down even more. Soon, it’s going to get real shallow, you just have to be careful, cognizant, and watch your environment. You want to get close to the grass flat, but not into the most shallow parts, or you’ll run aground.” When Sam looked over at AJ, it looked as if he was focusing on committing everything his uncle was saying to memory, taking notes inside his head.
Sam thinks back to when he first started driving a boat. He was far from as committed and observant than AJ was right now, which is probably why he ended up getting stuck and almost hurt a ton, and probably why Sarah had told the boys no driving until they were 16. Sam was not the best example as a kid. He used to climb trees just to jump off of them trying to fly.
Sam progressively slows the boat as they approach, pointing out drop-off points to AJ, until he found a good spot, where the water wasn’t too shallow but the grass flat was in easy reach. The bad part about their positioning was the flat was only off the right side of the boat, with the left facing deeper and more open water, but Bucky would probably prefer fishing over there anyway.
“You guys gonna help me with the anchor or what?” Sam looks over his shoulder to Cass and Bucky, still talking about Cass’ game.
Bucky waves him off. “I’m learning about wither skeletons and how to farm them.”
Sam rolls his eyes. “Put the anchor down or I'm gonna make you sight fish for redfish.” He teases, and they both know it's an empty threat. Bucky will fish however he wants to.
Regardless, it's enough of a taunt that Bucky groans, making a big show of getting up and grabbing the anchor, staring pointedly at Sam as he lowers it.
Sam shakes his head as he hands Bucky his rod. “You're a pain in my ass, Barnes.”
“That's why you love me.” Bucky replies with a smirk.
They get set up, getting their rods ready and checking everything. Sam can already see some redfish tails poking up from the water surface around the flat. There's plenty out today, much to Sam's delight.
Sam had mainly brought out shrimp for bait. It's a good bait for pretty much everything out this time of year, but Sam's had some of his best redfish luck when using shrimp, so that was the main reason he'd made sure to bring a lot on this trip.
Bucky immediately gets to putting some bait on his hook and casting it out off the left side, and Cass follows what he's doing, standing next to him and continuing to talk about Minecraft while they wait for something to bite.
Sam and AJ, on the other hand, have their rods with bait at the ready, but not cast, just keeping a close eye on the grass flat, looking for any redfish to become visible. Redfish are great for sight fishing, as they are easy to spot when they're tailing, or searching the bottom for food. They go vertical in the water, and when it's as shallow as it in the flat, their tails stick up out of the water.
AJ spots one before Sam, and he casts his rod, landing just a little bit away from the redfish fin.
When it bites, AJ gets a good set, hooking the fish, he holds his rod at an angle, letting the fish fight before trying to reel it. Sam gently places his hands over AJ's own, adjusting the angle he's holding the rod at ever-so-slightly. He had it almost perfectly, just needed the smallest adjustment.
Sam removes his hands, watching to see if he needs to help again, but AJ's got it, even as his rod bends. When the fish stops fighting, he begins to reel it in, lifting the rod up, then back down while reeling.
“Pump and reel, pump and reel…” Sam reminds, and AJ is focused, determined to reel it in.
It thrashes on the hook, Sam can already estimate maybe 24 inches in length, and AJ keeps reeling perfectly until it's close enough to grab the line.
“AJ, here.” Sam hadn't even realized Bucky was behind him until he spoke, but he was holding his phone, about to take a picture. “Gotta show your mom.”
AJ smiles at the camera, holding his new catch.
Sam takes care of cleaning it and putting it in the cooler. It was a good size, right in the middle of what they could keep.
The next catch is Sam's, another redfish, but it's too large, at least 30 inches. It puts up a real fight as well, but even though it was heavy, he was still able to get it. Bucky teases him when brushes the reel off as no big deal, but Sam can see how he's staring at his biceps.
Sam does take a picture with it before throwing it back out, just to prove to Sarah he did catch one if he doesn't get another one he can actually keep.
The next catch comes from Cass, a speckled trout, and as Sam's cleaning it Bucky catches a sheepshead. After that, Cass catches two more trouts in quick succession, both around 14 or so inches. His eyes sparkle with pride when Sam takes a picture of him holding both at once.
Over two hours into the trip, Sam finally catches a redfish he can keep, a nice 25 inches, just under the limit. With two redfish now, just one more will be enough for dinner.
Bucky ends up with a speckled trout as well, but throws it back as it's just a little too large.
Just when they're about to wrap up, Sam notices two redfish tailing pretty close to each other.
He points it out to AJ, and they both cast their rod.
And they both get bites.
Another 24 inch redfish goes in the cooler, along with a 22 inch one.
With eight fish total, and ten caught, they head back, Sam more than satisfied. Spending time with the boys was always a great time, but catching enough redfish for a big meal for all of them was the cherry on top.
“Guess my cockiness worked out.” Sam quips as he shows the cooler to Sarah, who just rolls her eyes and heads into the kitchen to get the right ingredients.
“Hey, uncle Bucky, you want to see what I built in my new factory game?” AJ asks, and Bucky of course says yes, heading into the house.
Sarah comes to the backyard to start grilling, and Cass absentmindedly starts kicking his soccer ball around, so Sam joined in, playing goalkeeper.
“C'mon, show me what you've got.” Sam encourages, and Cass dribbles it a few times, then kicks it straight past Sam and into the little net that was set up in the yard.
“Woah.” Sam exclaimed as he turned around to get the ball out of the net, genuinely impressed. Sam wasn't really moving to try and block it, but the net was quite small, only a few openings available that Sam's body wasn't blocking, and Cass hit one of them perfectly. “That was great, kiddo.”
Cass doesn't share the excitement, instead looking a little torn.
“What's wrong, buddy?” Sam kicks the ball back over to Cass, and he stops it expertly with his foot.
He looks over to his mom at the grill, but between the distance and the loud sizzling sound, she won't be able to hear, and that seems to make him more open to talking.
“I just…I don't think I know what I want to do.” Cass does a little spin with the ball under his foot before passing it back over to Sam, and he stops it with the toe of his shoe.
“With soccer? If you’re not into it, or want to try something else, I’m sure your mom will be perceptive.” Sam offers, although he gets the feeling that’s not what Cass meant.
Cass shakes his head. “No, I like soccer. I mean, like, in the future.”
“What, like, when you grow up?” Sam questions, brow furrowed.
“Yeah.” Cass replies. As they talk, they continue passing the ball between them. “It's just, y’know, AJ knows he wants to be an engineer, and he's already in the engineering club and he's so sure it's what he wants to do, but I don't even have a clue what I want to do.” He hangs his head down, a little sheepishly, as if this is a secret he's been stewing over for a long time and he's nervous now that he's finally spoken it out into the world.
“You don’t have to know now, bud.” Sam assures. “You’re only 12. You have plenty of time. Just ‘cause AJ knows what he wants to do doesn’t mean you have to, and he’s older. Even if you’re AJ’s age and don’t know, you still don’t have to know. And, I mean, AJ might know right now, but he could change his mind, and that’s okay too.” Sam thinks back to his own experiences, how much he flipped in what he wanted his future to look like, how many different paths he’s been down, how many paths he started and then turned around. The only thing that always stayed was a desire to help people.
“You know, when I was your age, I was determined to be an AIr Force Officer.” Sam continues. “Then, I went to the academy, did two years, and decided I wanted to be on the field, so I dropped out and started pararescue training. Then I got the wings, but ended up discharged.” There were a lot of people who assumed his decision to leave the AIr Force and the Falcon Program was one he made alone, but his supervisor pretty much forced him into taking it. He saw Sam just wasn’t right after Riley died, and putting him back in the field wasn’t going to work. “So I finished my degree, became a counselor, thought maybe that was it, that I finally found my place…but I got pulled back into putting on the wings. And, now, with the shield, I think I actually found my purpose.” He shrugged. “But that took me over 40 years. So you’ve got time.”
Cass smirks, but it’s a little sorrowful. “I don’t think I’ll ever get to be something as cool as Captain America.”
“Nah, I bet you’ll be something even cooler.” Sam counters, cheerfully, with the biggest smile on his face that he can muster.
But in his chest, he feels his heart shatter.
He went through this. Self-doubt, wondering if you’re good enough, if you’ll ever be good enough.
But Cass is so young. And even at his young age, he’s been through so much, his dad passing, the trauma from having half the world disappear, living without them for five years, and then suddenly they’re back, his uncle becoming an international fugitive.
And he’s so sad to think that he was the same way at Cass’ age. Unsure, feeling lost in life, feeling like the sky was always falling and he’s the only one that can see it.
Cass is just a kid.
And he was too.
When the ball is kicked to him next, Sam stops it and then keeps it under his foot. “You know you can always talk to me, right? Or your mom? If you ever want to talk to somebody…you can let us know.” He says it quietly, not trying to sound too pushy. When he was nine, after his father died, he was put into counseling almost immediately. He was against it, at first, not talking much during sessions and making it clear that he was completely fine and didn’t need any help…but that was just a lie he told himself. Eventually, it got to a point where he wasn’t sleeping, couldn’t focus, just seeing the scene play over and over again in his head, and he finally was honest with his counselor.
And that probably saved his life.
He doesn’t want to push Cass into anything. But he wants him to know there’s help, if things ever get to be too much.
“Thanks, uncle Sam.” Cass says, still trying to keep up a brave, unphased expression, but Sam can see past it.
He can see past it because he does the same thing.
“Boys, time to start setting the table!” Sarah calls into the yard. “Go tell AJ and Bucky to help too.”
The conversation is stopped there, things moving on to preparing for dinner and then just general talk at the table while they ate, Sarah asking about how the fish were biting today, and Cass gets a little sparkle in his eye when telling her about all the trouts he got, and Sam was happy to see him smile a genuine smile.
When dinner is over, Cass and AJ ask if they can play Mario Kart with Bucky, and Bucky happily accepts. They invite Sam too, but he says he’ll stay back to help Sarah with the dishes.
Sarah gives him a look, sensing there’s something he wants to talk about.
Standing by the sink, drying off a plate with many more soaking in soapy water in the sink, Sam pushes the words out through the nervous lump in his throat.
“I think Cass is having some self-worth problems.” Sam says it quickly, wanting to just get it out.
Sarah nods sadly. “I know.” She scrubs at one of the plates. “I’ve been offering him help.”
“Has he taken it?” Sam asks, and Sarah shakes her head.
“No. I just…I don’t have to tell you I’m worried. And maybe I’m so worried because Gideon was struggling, and he didn’t get help, and it all got to be so much that he just got up and left without another word.”
Hearing his brother’s name still feels like a gut punch. It’s been well over a decade, yet the ache of him leaving hasn’t healed. Sam knows he’s okay, he lives in NYC now. He’s thought about going to see him so many times, but he never does. Whenever he thinks about it, it’s like his feet get stuck in concrete, unable to move.
They don’t talk about him much anymore, because the pain is still so raw regardless of how long it's been.
Sam sighs. “All we can do is support him.” He didn’t realize that a lot of time had passed between Sarah talking and his response, but he remembers having a ton of dirty dishes left to rinse and dry when she started, and now there’s only a few. His body was on autopilot, just completing the actions as he drifted off in thought about his estranged brother, the very mention of him enough for all the sadness and anger about the situation to bubble back up.
They don’t talk as they clean the remaining dishes. There’s nothing they can really say that the other doesn’t already know or has already thought about.
The sun is disappearing from the sky when Sam enters the living room, planning to just get Bucky, say goodbye, and head out, but Bucky is absolutely engrossed in the game they’ve made him play.
“You good Buck?” Sam questions, Bucky staring at the TV in the one-track minded focus Sam usually only sees on missions.
“He’s trying to beat Cass’ Mario level.” AJ fills in. Bucky is apparently too absorbed to answer him.
“Cass’ what?” Sam asks next.
“There’s a game where you can make Super Mario levels, and Cass has built the ultimate one. We have all of our friends do it, it’s the coolest ever.” As AJ talks, Sam goes over to stand by the couch so he has a view of the TV. Sam watches as the character controlled by Bucky climbs up a small incline in the blocky platformer and takes out enemies as they come. Sam’s pretty sure he’s only catching the tail end of the playthrough, but he watches as Bucky navigates all the mushroom platforms, shaking blocks, and spikes, Cass providing tips as he goes through.
Bucky reaches the end after defeating some kind of lava dragon, he throws his hands up in the air in excitement, then takes a deep exhale.
“That is a tough level. Fun, but tough.” Bucky hands the controller back to Cass as the game goes back to the menu. “You made that, kid?”
“Well, the game gives you the elements and stuff, you just put them together.” Cass just shrugs it off, as if it’s no big deal.
“I don’t know, sounds like it’s pretty good if all your friends also love it.” Sam points out. “You like designing levels?”
Cass nods. “Yeah, it’s fun.” He plays it nonchalantly, but that sparkle in his eyes that had been there today when he caught a fish and when he told Sarah about it at the dinner table is back.
“You should keep it up.” Sam encourages. “Game designing is pretty cool.”
Cass bows his head a little sheepishly, but there’s a grin on his face.
As Sam and Bucky prepare to leave, Cass seems to have a bit more vitality in his movements, and a real smile is truly on his face now.
Before leaving, Sam hugs AJ, tells him to keep up the good work in engineering club and helping Sarah out.
He hugs Cass, and tells him, “I’m here for you if you need me. You’re a great kid, and you’re going to do great things.”
Cass smiles at him as they pull away from the hug. “Thanks, uncle Sam.”
A few more goodbyes and Bucky and Sam are back in the truck, driving away, back to their house. The sun has fully set now, and Sam knows Alpine is going to be furious when they get home about not being fed at exactly 5pm, despite the fact Bucky left extra food out this morning.
“What’re you doing?” Sam questions when Bucky pulls out his phone and begins searching for something as soon as Sam pulls out of Sarah’s driveway.
“Looking for games about game design for Cass.” Bucky says so matter-of-a-factly.
Sam thinks of the glimmer in Cass’ eyes when they complimented his Mario level.
“Get him whatever you find.” Sam responds. Who knows, maybe he finds out game design is what he wants to do, at least for a little bit. He wants to do whatever he can to encourage that love.
Bucky just grins. “Already on it."