under the black sky

by matzeumi (vinn_e)

Summary:

The last thing Seonghwa thinks of is how he has fallen in love with Hongjoong yet again on a November night. He thinks about how he'll probably wake up in the morning to Hongjoong leaving him with a goodbye kiss yet again.

(friends with benefits to lovers where seonghwa falls in love with hongjoong who loves him too)

Notes:

hi 🤗 I’m back with a new fic
warning - there is an implied panic attack, nothing described in too much detail but in case anyone wants to skip it starts from “No, no… You don’t have to come,” till “Do you feel better now?”
here’s the moodboard and retweetable post if anyone wants to check it out
not beta’d will come back to edit when I can bear to read it again

"Since I met you, I've felt abandoned without your nearness; your nearness is all I ever dream of, the only thing."

Franz Kafka, The Castle.

 

Seonghwa is painfully aware of how close he and Hongjoong are sitting. Their close proximity makes it impossible for him to not be caught in the onslaught of Hongjoong's strong perfume. It would normally make his sensitive nose itchy, and his head hurt had he not been so distracted thinking about how handsome the man looked under the dim lighting of his living room.

 

Kim Hongjoong, dressed in a normal loose tee and sweats was a sight to the sore eyes but Kim Hongjoong, dressed in formal pants and dress shirt with sleeves rolled halfway up the elbows was enough for his treacherous heart to skip a beat. The green-eyed monster reared its head in as he thought about all the people that would've seen him looking like that the whole day. He wondered if at least one of them had been absolutely enamored by him.

 

The way his perfectly styled hair had become a bit messy after a long day did not help. His hair had grown quite a lot, the perfect length where he could tuck the strands behind his ears. The pearly white strands of his hair that had fallen on his forehead were calling out to him and Seonghwa wanted nothing more than to fix the strands, tuck them behind his ear with gentle fingers. He wondered if his hair would be as soft to the touch as it looked, like white silk or satin, with the way it shined under the lights.

 

It didn't matter that he already knew the answer to that, Hongjoong’s hair was softer than it should've been considering how much he had bleached it but it didn't stop him from wondering anyway. Seonghwa had to clench his hand into a fist before he could do something stupid like fix his hair for him or kiss him on the lips and make it even messier. He's gonna do exactly that but not now.

 

Hongjoong's brows were furrowed as his fingers quickly typed away at the keyboard, writing a short email he had been asked to write at the last moment as he had informed Seonghwa when he got to his apartment. Seonghwa was glad that his attention was on the phone to not even notice the way he had been blatantly staring at him for the past three minutes.

 

He could see a slightly pink tint on Hongjoong's cheeks from the half bottle of soju they drank and knew he must be looking something similar, a gentle flush making itself known on his skin too (the reason for which were more than one). His eyes traveled a path from his hands to his face, the way he could see the veins of his hands move up towards his forearms. Seonghwa downs the rest of his soju and wills himself to look away from Hongjoong, not wanting his thoughts to veer off into dangerous territory.

 

It doesn't take Hongjoong long to finish up his work, turning off his laptop and setting it aside as he stretched his body. Seonghwa tries not to look at the way his muscles flex under his shirt but feels his mouth dry up anyway. Hongjoong lets out a long sigh, pulling off his tie and opening up the first few buttons of his shirt, exposing the fine expanse of tanned, smooth skin. The way Seonghwa's breath audibly hitches sounds too loud in the silence of the living room.

 

Hongjoong has to know the effect he has on Seonghwa if the way he smirks at him is anything to go by. Oh how much he wants to wipe it off his smug face. It feels like Seonghwa is sitting in his own personal hell, unable to do anything about the hunger that keeps on trying to take over his entire being. The urge to sink his teeth into the visible patch of skin is maddening. But he won't give in, he knows this game they're playing. Trying to push and push and push to see which one of them gives in first.

 

Seonghwa has made up his mind that tonight he won't be the one to give in. He had made sure of that when he got the text from Hongjoong telling him that he's coming over. Seonghwa had taken a long shower, moisturized every inch of his skin and changed into his satin pajama set that had a plunging neckline and tiniest pair of shorts that he owned in his closet. He loves how the cool fabric feels against his skin, the fact that it makes him feel pretty and makes Hongjoong lose his mind a little is just an added bonus.

 

He can see the way Hongjoong’s eyes keep staring at the smooth skin every time Seonghwa so much as shifts. He can see the way Hongjoong's eyes darken and the way his throat moves when he gulps down the last bit of soju in his glass. Seonghwa wants to bite down on that mole on his neck that keeps taunting him, moving in a tantalizing way that makes him want to really sink his teeth down to the bone. Just for fun.

 

Maybe that would bring Hongjoong down a peg. Heaven knows he needs to be humbled especially with how much he loves marking Seonghwa up. He has been subjected to way too many concerned looks at the ceramic studio he owns and conducts workshops and classes at whenever he shows up wearing turtlenecks in sweltering heat especially when they still do nothing to hide the teeth marks embedded in his neck. His students and regulars have stopped questioning it at this point.

 

They've been playing this little game for a while now. Nothing serious, just for fun, they said. They've both mastered their moves by now, knowing exactly what will make the other person give in.

 

Nights like these usually end with Hongjoong losing, hot mouth pressing fervent kisses against Seonghwa's own as his hands desperately try to find purchase on whatever bare skin he can find. Other times it's Seonghwa who is too worked up by the push and pull, finding it easier to just trap Hongjoong under his thighs as he hungrily captures his mouth in a messy kiss, all teeth and tongue and bite.

 

Tonight is just another one of those nights where they see just how far they can go before claiming the prize. The winner having the privilege of doing whatever his heart desires to the loser. It didn't really matter because it would end up being equally pleasurable for both of them, in some cases even more enjoyable for the loser.

 

But it was about the principle of winning. The high they felt at having the other person at their mercy, the power of controlling how to make the loser come undone with calculated hot touches that felt like brands being pressed against the skin.

 

Seonghwa loved watching Hongjoong writhe under him, loved seeing how his hands twitched in their constraints as he laid on the bed trapped under Seonghwa's mercy as he rode him, hips moving at a languid pace as he chased his own pleasure. He loved seeing how Hongjoong's eyes darkened and his voice broke around a litany of Seonghwa's name when he quickened the movement of his hips.

 

He loved how desperately Hongjoong moved when Seonghwa finally relinquished control, allowing Hongjoong to move however he wanted to. It more often than not ended with Seonghwa being manhandled against the mattress as Hongjoong thrust into him at a punishing pace not stopping until Seonghwa was crying from overstimulation.

 

It wasn't like Seonghwa was complaining about it anyway, he liked watching Hongjoong chase pleasure with a single minded focus, his breaths dissolving in short hot gasps near Seonghwa's ear that made the fire in his veins burn brighter. How those breaths would eventually turn into wet kisses that Hongjoong pressed against every bit of skin that he could get his mouth on with an occasional long suck and sharp bite. He absolutely loved how Hongjoong hands grabbed his waist so tight that he knew they would leave the skin bruised and tender with a pain that he had come to love so much.

 

More than anything else, Seonghwa loved how Hongjoong kissed him after that. He loved how Hongjoong would pull him in for a gentle kiss that felt a bit too tender for what they had just finished doing. Their lips moving against each other in a lazy dance that felt just a bit too intimate for what they were and everything they were not.

 

Seonghwa loved how Hongjoong took care of him, cleaning him up with a damp towel or sometimes dragging him for a shower where he would massage the soreness from Seonghwa's back before dropping to his knees and bringing him to the last orgasm of the night. The latter always made Seonghwa's heart ache in ways he couldn't explain, the organ in his chest wanting to leap out from behind its binds as it tried to fall before Hongjoong's feet in an embarrassing show of feelings that he would rather not name for the sake of his own sanity.

 

These nights always ended with Seonghwa going to sleep with Hongjoong's arm wrapped securely around his warm and tired body until the sky started showing the beginnings of a new day. He always left before Seonghwa woke up, his presence only known in the lingering touch that Seonghwa would feel on his cheek and on the spot in his bed that was warm from where Hongjoong had occupied it through the night. The next morning always started with Seonghwa waking up to Hongjoong leaving him warm in bed with a lingering kiss to his lips that felt more like a lover's.

 

Seonghwa is brought out of his daydreaming when he feels Hongjoong move closer to him, his perfume so much stronger now that he is right beside Seonghwa. He can feel the heat from Hongjoong's clothed thigh against his own bare one. He involuntarily lets out a sigh at how nice that warmth feels against his skin and then feels his ears flush with embarrassment when Hongjoong gives him a questioning look.

 

"In case you didn't notice, I got your favorite strawberry pastry from that bakery you love so much. I remembered how disappointed you were that it was all sold out the last time you went there." Hongjoong starts suddenly, getting up and robbing Seonghwa of that delicious body heat as he moves to grab the pastry box.

 

Seonghwa hates how dry his mouth suddenly gets as Hongjoong removes the pastry from the box, neatly settling it on the table in front of them as he pulls out a small signature spoon with a heart on the handle that the bakery sells. He gives Seonghwa a bright smile as he pushes the strawberry and cream delicacy towards him. The same strawberry pastry that Seonghwa had playfully complained about being out of stock to Hongjoong more than a week ago and had failed to get his hands on every day after that.

 

He can see Hongjoong's smile dim with self-doubt when he fails to give him an appropriate response. Seonghwa should be thanking him right now, for getting him the pastry, for remembering that it is his favourite, for remembering something that Seonghwa had messaged him in passing weeks ago. But the words get choked in his throat, thank you trying to escape his mouth as an i love you.

 

Seonghwa does the next best thing. He grabs Hongjoong's face and pulls him in for a kiss. It's supposed to be a soft kiss, a firm and lingering press of Seonghwa's lips against Hongjoong's. A heartfelt, genuine thank you that Seonghwa isn't able to relay so much in words that he tries to convey with a kiss. It's supposed to be a gentle thank you against Hongjoong's lips. A kiss for his thoughtfulness, a kiss that shows Seonghwa's gratitude.

 

But Seonghwa has never known how to be gentle like this. His feelings manifest themselves in the form of a kiss so bruising, Seonghwa can feel how he draws blood from where he meant to gently bite Hongjoong's plush lower lip. His thank you turns into teeth and the i love you choking in his throat turns into the line of marks that he sucks into Hongjoong's neck.

 

Hongjoong, despite being taken aback, is just as enthusiastic in his response. He is quick to wrap his arms around Seonghwa's waist, fingers digging into the small of his back as he pulls him closer. Seonghwa can't help the muffled whine that escapes his lips at the action, the sound disappearing into Hongjoong's mouth as he doubles his assault on Seonghwa's mouth to pull more sounds from him.

 

It's only when Seonghwa moves to straddle Hongjoong's lap that he breaks the kiss. Seonghwa can't get over how beautiful he looks, his hair all messed up from where he was pulling on the gelled strands, the stickiness now transferring on his fingers. Hongjoong's lips have bruised a pretty pink from the kiss, a bead of blood appearing on his lower lip from where Seonghwa bit him a little too hard.

 

Seonghwa makes a show of licking it up, swiping his tongue over the puffy swollen lip before pressing a gentle lingering kiss on the tiny cut. He relishes the gasp Hongjoong tries to stifle at the action, his eyes hooded and trained on Seonghwa with some emotion he is too afraid to pick apart. The possessiveness swells once again like a balloon behind his ribs at how ruffled and out of breath Hongjoong looks. He did that, Seonghwa made him look like that.

 

"If I knew this was how you were going to thank me, maybe I should've tried to get the whole cake," Hongjoong's smile is cocky as his fingers tighten around Seonghwa's waist.

 

"Maybe I should keep buying you more stuff," he continues, lips marking a path on the bare skin exposed through Seonghwa's satin pajama shirt that has slid lower down his shoulder. Seonghwa barely contains a moan threatening to slip past when Hongjoong reaches the sensitive skin below his ear. He is unable to restrain the breathy whimper that leaves his lips when Hongjoong's teeth gently graze the skin there.

 

"Are you saying you want to be my sugar daddy Hongjoongie?" Seonghwa's smirk is playful as he teases Hongjoong, fingers moving to play with the tie he had earlier loosened around his neck. He doesn't miss the way Hongjoong's eyes flash and his throat moves around as he gulps, his fingers flexing on Seonghwa's waist.

 

"Oh? You like that don't you? Are you going to spoil me Hongjoong-ah? Buy me pretty jewelry? Something with diamonds? Hmm, how about a little chain that everyone can see?" Seonghwa adds, slowly pulling Hongjoong closer with a jerk by the tie he had been twirling around his fingers. He wants to see just how far Hongjoong lets him go with his teasing.

 

To his surprise, Hongjoong doesn't fluster under the teasing. He rises up to Seonghwa's bait instead. He grabs Seonghwa's face by the chin, fingers curving along the length of his jaw as he brings his face close to Seonghwa's ear.

 

"Oh Seonghwa-yah, if I wanted to make everyone see, I'd get you a ring instead." Hongjoong's voice is a low whisper in Seonghwa's ear. The words settle heavily in Seonghwa's gut, the mischief from before turning into something more serious, more intimate, more tender. This wasn't how Hongjoong was supposed to respond.

 

He was supposed to get more flustered, maybe sputter and scoff a little at Seonghwa's words before dragging him into a bruising kiss for teasing him. He wasn't supposed to blur yet another line in their relationship, the boundary of which had long since been disappearing with each passing day.

 

Seonghwa can feel how the room quietens a little, the silence falling over them like a heavy blanket. It's not uncomfortable, just a bit sobering. Nothing is ever uncomfortable with Hongjoong, it is something Seonghwa has come to learn every since the first time they slept together.

 

"You're so full of shit, you know that right?" Seonghwa tells him, his laugh sounds strained as he tries deflecting because they always do this.

 

Someone says something that precariously toes the already fragile line of what their relationship is and then they never talk about it.

 

Seonghwa tries not to pay attention to the fact that four out of five times it's him who plays it off. He also tries not to pay attention to how Hongjoong's face falls just a little when he does that. He tries to ignore how quick Hongjoong is in putting his cocky mask back on, hiding whatever he's feeling behind sharp teeth and blooming bruises that he sucks into Seonghwa's skin, always some place where he can't properly hide it.

 

They fall back into their game when Hongjoong gives in to Seonghwa's deflection, already rising up to pull him into a kiss that is more teeth and tongue than when Seonghwa kissed him earlier. The box of feelings in Seonghwa's chest is a tangled mess, the thread of every emotion overlapping until it turns into an unrecognizable ball that sits densely at the bottom of his ribs.

 

Seonghwa puts back the lid on the box and kisses Hongjoong back with a renewed fervor. He doesn't hold back after that, hands moving all over Hongjoong's arms and chest and shoulders until they finally find purchase in the longer strands of hair at his nape. He pulls the soft strands sharply until Hongjoong is forced to break the kiss with a gasp and Seonghwa takes the opportunity to suck bruises into his neck, teeth sharp as they tease the tender skin.

 

He has barely made his way down Hongjoong's neck to where the smooth, firm skin disappears under his wrinkled white shirt, fingers doing a quick work of the buttons when Hongjoong grabs his hands to stop him. Seonghwa can't stop the whine at not being able to uncover more skin to mark but Hongjoong only tuts in response, his lips quirking up in a crooked smile that makes him look like he's going to destroy Seonghwa in the best way possible.

 

"Uh uh Seonghwa-yah," Hongjoong says, his teeth closing around Seonghwa's fingers in a soft bite before tracing up his palm to his wrist and kissing the delicate skin wetly before following it up with a sharper bite.

 

Seonghwa is not ready when Hongjoong tightens his grip around his hands and pulls him closer with a jerk, making him fall on Hongjoong's heaving chest with a startled cry that turns into an embarrassing whimper when he sucks a wet path to his ear. The whimper turns into a moan when Hongjoong bites on his ear as well, the heat simmering in his gut now burning brighter.

 

"I won." Hongjoong breathes heavily against his ear and Seonghwa feels the shiver that runs down his spine at his voice that is barely louder than a whisper.

 

There is a wicked glint in Hongjoong's eyes when he pulls back to look at Seonghwa. The one he always gets when he wins their little game and the night always ends with Seonghwa on the receiving end of some mind numbing orgasms that pull a few tears out of him. He can't even bring himself to be mad at losing when Hongjoong sends him to the bedroom with an order of stripping himself fully and waiting for him.

 

That night Hongjoong has all but encased Seonghwa in his arms when he thrusts into him with a slow, almost torturous pace. Seonghwa's eyes keep falling on their intertwined fingers, the way Hongjoong silver rings shine against his tan skin. The sight makes his mind wander to places it goes only when he's dreaming. He wonders what it would feel like if their hands were intertwined with matching bands instead.

 

He tries shifting his focus to the way Hongjoong's hips slap against his, the movement gradually faster until Hongjoong is slamming into him with quick and short thrusts. He chases his pleasure with abandon, one hand splayed on Seonghwa's abdomen and other closed around Seonghwa's cock as he moves his fist in time with his thrusts helping Seonghwa reach his peak at the same time.

 

The heat is overwhelming, Hongjoong's body is a hot line pressed against Seonghwa's back and the heat that builds up in his gut only turns hotter and hotter until he's finally coming all over the sheets and Hongjoong's fingers with the well timed thrust. Hongjoong is quick to follow, filling Seonghwa up to the brim as he rides out his orgasm, only stopping when Seonghwa whines with overstimulation.

 

Hongjoong is worried when he sees the tear marks that track Seonghwa's face. Seonghwa doesn't tell Hongjoong that when he orgasmed, it wasn't to the pace of his thrusts or the heat of his hand around Seonghwa's cock. He doesn't tell Hongjoong that when he finally reached his peak, it was to the fluttering kiss that Hongjoong had almost mindlessly pressed against his neck, like it was an instinct at this point.

 

He absolutely doesn't tell Hongjoong that when he broke apart under him, it was to the coolness of his ring as it pressed against Seonghwa's sternum when he was holding him anchored to his body. If the image in Seonghwa's mind was that of a simple silver band that they happened to have a matching pair of, it's an admission he's taking to his grave.

 

Hongjoong looked unsure when Seonghwa tells him it's nothing to worry about but doesn't press more. Instead, he lies down on the bed beside Seonghwa. He adjusts more comfortably behind Seonghwa and pulls him into his chest, throwing a protective arm over his waist to keep him close. Hongjoong keeps pressing soft kisses in Seonghwa's hair, gently nuzzling the sensitive skin of his nape like an affectionate cat. The action makes Seonghwa giggle and it only results in Hongjoong's arm tightening around his waist as he huffs a small laugh against Seonghwa's neck.

 

They lay down in comfortable silence for a while, neither of them trying to fill the empty space with words. It's only when the stickiness of their release makes it difficult for them to cuddle comfortably that Hongjoong gets up to wash up, bringing back a wet towel to help wipe Seonghwa clean too. Seonghwa lets out a confused sound when Hongjoong makes a detour after dropping the dirty towels in the laundry bin and exits the bedroom.

 

Understanding dawns on him when Hongjoong gets back with the strawberry pastry, settling on the bed and pulling Seonghwa up. He realized that Hongjoong must've put it back in the fridge before he joined Seonghwa in the bedroom so that the cream wouldn't melt and get spoiled.

 

Seonghwa helplessly opens his mouth when Hongjoong scoops a spoonful of the sweet cream topped with a piece of strawberry to feed him. The smile on Hongjoong's face when Seonghwa offers him a bite unravels the mess of threads in the box that he keeps hidden at the bottom of his ribs.

 

Of course Seonghwa couldn't help but fall for the guy he was only supposed to have a mutually beneficial friends with benefits arrangement with. But he figures with the way they went about the entire thing, it wasn't really unexpected. With the way Seonghwa couldn't help but feel everything with an intensity that damn near broke him, it was only a matter of time.

 

 

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾✩☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

 

 

Seonghwa doesn't quite remember how this started between them. Whatever that this is.

 

Maybe it was after some work dinner they both had been forced to attend. Seonghwa didn't even need to be there, only having worked with Hongjoong's team as a freelancer for a commission for some pictorial. They wanted new ceramic pieces and sculptures to fill the room with and by then Hongjoong and Seonghwa already knew each other quite well. So when Hongjoong came to Seonghwa with this very professional proposal for a commission, he had been quick to agree.

 

It was a win-win situation. It was beneficial for him too, the exposure had helped boom his small business. He had more pieces selling alongside new students who wanted to try their hand at ceramic work and more people had enrolled for his workshops. Hongjoong got what he had visualized for the pictorial. He had hovered over Seonghwa the entire time in his studio, it was more than distracting when Seonghwa was trying to finish up the pieces when Hongjoong kept kissing him dazed. Not that Seonghwa had complained about it.

 

By now almost everyone who came to the studio, regulars or otherwise, knew about Hongjoong in some capacity. It was kind of hard to miss the presence of someone who kept trailing the owner like a curious puppy and making him blush. And occasionally kept sneaking kisses. It's kind of difficult to pretend that you weren't aware of what your instructor was doing with his friend in the backroom when both of them came out of it with messed up hair and kiss swollen lips.

 

It wasn't as if they hadn't kissed before that night, their lips did somehow manage to find their way to each other after a couple of drinks. They kissed but those kisses never led to anything more. And then they never really talked about it.

 

But that night had been different. Hongjoong had been acting a little more touchy than he usually was, clingy even, territorial almost but Seonghwa didn't want to get into that. He'd constantly have an arm thrown over Seonghwa's shoulder, fingers occasionally playing with his hair or stroking his ear. And if Hongjoong wasn't doing that he'd have his arm in Seonghwa's lap, his hand gripping Seonghwa's thigh almost possessively. The action had made Seonghwa just a little bit mad and a lot more flustered, especially when he was trying to be nice and pay attention to what was being said.

 

The next thing he remembers is going out for fresh air where Hongjoong had followed suit a few moments later. Seonghwa still remembers how Hongjoong had kissed him dazed behind the restaurant, the back alley tiles cool as they dug into his heated skin through the flimsy layer of his soft cotton shirt. One thing had led to the other and somehow they had found themselves in Seonghwa's apartment, leaving behind a trail of clothes that followed them right through the door into his bedroom.

 

And then suddenly Seonghwa found himself kissing Hongjoong even without the liquid courage a few drinks slipped in his veins. Hongjoong found it so easy to just take hold of Seonghwa's face and press kisses that left him breathless with need, the want coursing through his veins now more addictive than any liquor.

 

Despite the push and pull leading up to that day when the dam finally broke, it wasn't the first time they had fallen into bed together. On the contrary it was how they first met each other, at some club Seonghwa will pretend he doesn't remember the name of despite having every moment of that night memorized in his mind, like it had been sketched out in ink behind his eyes. He had been haunted by the silver-haired man who had kissed him within an inch of his life and left him with an ache so delicious it had Seonghwa thinking about him for weeks to come.

 

Seonghwa kept thinking about the heated make-out session on the dance floor that made shivers run down his spine. He couldn't remember if it was the bass making his heart thump loudly or the way the man's fingers had been teasingly caressing every bit of revealed skin that he could find in Seonghwa's outfit.

 

He kept thinking about the gorgeous silver haired man who knew exactly how to touch Seonghwa in the best possible way, who kissed Seonghwa like he was trying to consume him, who made Seonghwa feel worshipped as he took him apart and put him back together with clever, gentle hands.

 

Seonghwa had almost forgotten about the man when he met him again. Imagine how surprised he had been when he saw the same man again a few weeks later, not at some club but at a restaurant sitting next to San's boyfriend Wooyoung, his hair now a striking orangish-red that made him look so much hotter than Seonghwa remembered. He couldn't help but focus on how starkly different he looked in a black low neck shirt as compared to when he had his hand up Seonghwa's crop top on the club dance floor in his leather jacket.

 

Seonghwa could see his eyes light up with recognition when he saw Seonghwa walk to the table. Even if he had been wrong, the small smirk that curved along his mouth when he introduced himself confirmed Seonghwa's suspicion. Hongjoong, it was nice to finally have a real name to put to the face of a man who had given Seonghwa the best night of his life. It was a lot better than the Captain alias he had been moaning that night.

 

He had learned a lot more about Hongjoong that night, one thing in particular that stood out to him was that he had moved back to Seoul a month back after a three month long work trip to LA. The dinner was nice although it was difficult to pay attention to what Wooyoung was talking about when Seonghwa kept feeling a foot trying to play footsie with him under the table. The warning look he had given Hongjoong to make him stop seemed to have only made him more insistent in his shenanigans as he switched tactics and slid the toe of his shoe up Seonghwa's shin.

 

He could feel Wooyoung give him a weird look when he randomly started choking on his drink but thankfully he didn't press. Hongjoong had been chivalrous enough to offer Seonghwa a drive home when they were leaving. San had been confused but all the more happy at the prospect of Wooyoung's friend taking an initiative to become friends with Seonghwa. Seonghwa on the other hand was more curious about the look Wooyoung had given Hongjoong who was doing everything not to meet his friend's eye.

 

As soon as they were in Hongjoong's car, Seonghwa had been quick to grab his face and bring it closer to his, leaving a respectable distance to give Hongjoong the space to decide whether he wanted to bridge the gap or not. No matter how much Seonghwa wanted to kiss Hongjoong again he would've been fine if Hongjoong didn't want it. He would've been fine only being his friend or his friend by association if that was all Hongjoong wanted.

 

But Hongjoong had squashed his doubts by closing the gap between them by placing a tentative kiss on Seonghwa's lips, a barely there press of his lips on Seonghwa's. The fleeting kiss had turned into two-three-four more kisses until they were making out, hunched uncomfortably over the console. Hongjoong had only broken the kiss to whisper 'I wanted to do that since i saw you' in the space between them before Seonghwa kissed him again. He felt ravenous like he had been starving for Hongjoong's touch and that scared him more than anything else ever had.

 

Hongjoong had admitted regretting not asking for Seonghwa's number that first time. Seonghwa's heart had lurched in his chest at the admission knowing he wasn't the only one. To his surprise they did not end up together in Seonghwa's bed again that night, no matter how much Seonghwa wanted to have Hongjoong splayed out against his cotton sheets, golden skin flushed a mouthwatering pink.

 

Hongjoong had instead driven him back to his apartment, filling the silence with small talk that didn't feel awkward at all. It felt comfortable, talking to Hongjoong, like he had known him for longer than just a few hours.

 

When Seonghwa got home that night it was with a new phone number punched into his contact list under the name Hongjoong that had been punctuated with a cheeky smiley emoji. Seonghwa didn't even have the time to be amused by the audacity because of how weirdly endeared he was at it. Before he could say anything Hongjoong was already calling himself from Seonghwa's phone to get his number.

 

Seonghwa had gone to sleep that night with a text from Hongjoong that said good night attached with a picture of himself in the same outfit he had worn for the dinner, still sitting in his car. He looked a bit more ruffled than Seonghwa had left him, his hair all mussed and cheeks flushed red with an imprint of Seonghwa's lip tint from where he had kissed him goodbye. He had felt something possessive swell in his chest at the mark, not any mark but one that Seonghwa had left on him.

 

He had never been the one to back down in the face of such blatant teasing. So Seonghwa had risen up to the bait, sending back a picture of his own that he had taken in his bed after a long shower. He knew how he looked in that picture, his hair damp and face all flushed from the hot water, the drops of it settling in the jut of his collarbone that could be seen from how his bathrobe had dropped from his shoulders. His lips were parted showing just a hint of pink peeking between them.

 

He knew it had the desired effect if the singular fuck followed by that's not fucking fair that he had gotten in reply was anything to go by. That had given way to a somewhat peculiar relationship that had started between them.

 

Over the following weeks Seonghwa and Hongjoong had gotten closer, falling into a tentative friendship. Well, something as close to a friendship one could get to when they had already explored each other's bodies and knew they wanted to do it again. Seonghwa wouldn't exactly call them friends because friends didn't occasionally send each other half naked pictures of themselves with the intention of eliciting a visceral reaction out of them.

 

Despite the pictures their conversations were relatively tamer. Seonghwa would send Hongjoong pictures of the new pieces he would be working on and Hongjoong in return sent pictures of his own work desk that was messy with loose paper that had ideas scribbled on them. Seonghwa liked it better when they talked about mundane things—like how pretty the sunset looked or how beautiful the star covered sky looked.

 

Within a month of talking Seonghwa knew more about Hongjoong's aversion to and dislike of vegetables and that he didn't take care of himself because of how bad his working habits were. It was the same for Hongjoong, who knew more about Seonghwa's complaints about always having clay stuck under his nails and how much he loved when parents brought little kids for pottery workshops despite it mostly falling under San's domain.

 

Often Hongjoong would send him pictures of the city skyline at dawn from his office that Seonghwa returned with his own pictures of pretty wildflowers that he had found growing outside his studio. Hongjoong would send him behind the scenes photos of the latest project he was overlooking and Seonghwa sent him the final pictures of new pieces that he had worked on for hours. It felt nice to talk to someone without any reservations.

 

Over the months their group of friends had become well acquainted with each other because of San and Wooyoung dating. Seonghwa had come to love them quickly. Yeosang would sometimes come over to the studio and work on making small trinkets for everyone, often dragging Jongho with him for an impromptu couple's workshop that Seonghwa was more than happy guiding them through.

 

Wooyoung had become somewhat of a permanent fixture at the studio, his sole purpose being distracting San. Seonghwa had been quick to ban him after he heard them drop something in the backroom where San had dragged Wooyoung for a quick "break". Mingi would often drop coffee for Seonghwa and San when he was passing by the studio, he was nice and Yunho seemed to be enamored with him. It had been a surprise when everyone learned that they were childhood friends who had lost touch over the years.

 

And Hongjoong—Hongjoong had become a good friend, who Seonghwa was pretty sure he liked a lot more than a friend and whom he shared stolen kisses with occasionally. He knew others suspected something every time they saw Hongjoong and him disappearing together during dinners and gatherings but they knew not to question anything. It's funny because half of the time they were just trying to get some quiet time, while the other times they did end up coming back flushed faces and disheveled hair that wouldn't smooth back into place.

 

Seonghwa didn't know how to describe whatever his relationship with Hongjoong was. He knew that their little sneaky kisses and make out sessions had turned into a game of seeing who would lose composure and take things ahead than the occasional blowjob or handjob they indulged in once in a while. But he also knew that he surely liked Hongjoong for more than just that.

 

Things had simultaneously changed and remained unchanged after that work dinner that led them back into Seonghwa's bed. In his mind he had wondered if it could lead to something more but Hongjoong had been quick to make it clear that he wasn't looking for a relationship and Seonghwa had readily agreed to it.

 

Both of them had busy working hours, Seonghwa worked through the entire day sometimes even well into the night and Hongjoong was the same, a night owl if Seonghwa had ever seen one. Not even considering the fact that Seonghwa didn't really have the best experience with relationships, having been burnt one too many times.

 

They had agreed to their little arrangement—whatever weird friends with benefits arrangement they had fallen into that had toed the line of a romantic relationship ever since they started talking. In hindsight, Seonghwa had been stupid and should not have agreed to it. But he never claimed to be the most clever person in case of relationships anyway so he will not be thinking about it.

 

One thing Seonghwa had often heard from people about him was that they found him intimidating. That was the consensus about him as far as first meets were concerned. He had been told that his sharp eyes and resting face gave him an aloof air that made people wary to approach him, or talk to him. He had heard this remark way too many times from workshop attendees who often followed it up with how wrong they were when they saw how bright and gentle Seonghwa was.

 

Despite his first impression every relationship Seonghwa had ever been in had ended because he was "clingy" or too "sensitive". The thing about Seonghwa was that he felt his emotions a lot more intensely than most people did. It could be overwhelming for the person on the receiving end of his affection. It was so easy for his boyfriends to paint him as someone who couldn't control his emotions. His last boyfriend had broken up with him for the exact same reason and Seonghwa had sworn off dating for a while after that.

 

Seonghwa had way too much love inside his heart to waste it on people who remorselessly crushed it after stringing him along. He had spent too many nights crying over breakups and heartbreaks and had way too many late night conversations with his mother. As well as with San who along with his mother had tried his best to make him understand that having too much love and wanting to give it and receive it wasn't a bad thing and that it certainly wasn't something to be ashamed of.

 

It had taken him a long time to become comfortable with the weight of his feelings inside his chest. Sometimes Seonghwa felt like he was prying his ribs open in his relationships and just let his partner take whatever they wanted from him. Feeling the weight of his feelings reducing had made the heartbreaks worth it but at the same time his self esteem kept reaching new lows. Was he not someone who deserved to have at least some of the love he readily gave others be poured back into him?

 

But then Hongjoong came into his life. And with him came the arrangement that Seonghwa had foolishly agreed to. It felt like a good decision at the time. Seonghwa really liked Hongjoong and they had good chemistry. Hongjoong knew what made him tick and had been quick to learn about his likes and dislikes even outside of when they were having sex. Honestly he was a lot better and attentive than more than half of Seonghwa's exes and that was something considering Seonghwa had dated only four people in his life.

 

He should've expected that falling for Hongjoong was going to be something inevitable. Especially when his friend (with benefits) did things that made his heart flutter. Like when he brought Seonghwa late dinner if he found that he was going to be staying at the studio till late, or when he brings Seonghwa souvenirs from the props that have been used for a photoshoot that he thinks Seonghwa would like or when he drives Seonghwa home from the studio when he locks up late past midnight.

 

His heart—the wretched little thing inside his chest—had latched onto Hongjoong. Seonghwa tried not to let it, he knew how sticky the bloody, beating thing turned when it found something to latch on to. He knew he failed miserably when the thought of knowing the shape of Hongjoong's lips kept him up at night.

 

Seonghwa knew it had gotten worse when he was working on a sculpture and the only thing his fingers would carve into the clay was the upturned curve of Hongjoong's lips, the same smile that lit up his face when he saw Seonghwa. He still remembers that day. He had been feeling too restless the entire day and decided to channel some of that energy onto the slab of clay he had kept aside for the same purpose.

 

That night, sitting in his studio with Hongjoong's playlist filling the dimly lit room with soft music, Seonghwa had begun working on the piece of clay with no particular idea in mind. By the end of the night, his hands had somehow managed to carve Hongjoong's happiness on the clay. He was able to identify a familiar small nose, sharp but pointy and eyes that would never be as bright as the original.

 

If the next time they were together had Seonghwa paying more attention to the mole on Hongjoong's neck when he threw his head back or the apple of his cheeks that flushed a beautiful pink when he reached his peak or the plumpness of his lips when they were tracing the veins on Seonghwa's neck, then no one had to know the reason why.

 

 

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾✩☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

 

 

The newest thing that gets added to the never-ending list of heart fluttering things Hongjoong has done for him is when Hongjoong suddenly messages Seonghwa to ask if he was free. And when Seonghwa told him he had time Hongjoong showed up at the studio without anything more. He just tells Seonghwa to get ready and that he's coming to see him. He was looking over the pieces that he had taken out of the kiln checking for any cracks that may have appeared when San alerted him that Hongjoong was waiting for him.

 

And true to his words Hongjoong is there sitting on Seonghwa's designated seat by the windows that gives the perfect view of the wildflower fields attached to the studio. The way Hongjoong perks up when he sees Seonghwa makes something fond swell in his chest. Hongjoong looks pretty like this, his sunlit frame small but broad despite being hunched over and surrounded by the fields that stretched across for miles outside the window.

 

Hongjoong is dressed in his work clothes, Seonghwa knows from the picture he sent from the car on his way to work—a nice black shirt that has way too many buttons popped open half tucked into the tight pants that hugged his thighs deliciously and would've gotten him flagged by the HR had he not been working as an art director for some big name magazine. The strands of blonde hair had been swept away from his forehead, longer than he usually kept it.

 

Seonghwa feels severely underdressed in his oversized black-and-white checkered shirt over a black tank that he had paired with a beret and glasses. The summer has been especially hot and Seonghwa preferred being comfortable if was going to spend most of his day hunched in front of a pottery wheel or his work station, depending on what he felt like on the day.

 

Today in particular has been very hot, Seonghwa has downed twice the amount of iced coffees he usually drinks. By his third order before lunch San had to switch it up to a strawberry lemonade to balance all the caffeine in his system when he saw how jittery Seonghwa was getting. Seonghwa was not happy with the change but the tart sweetness of the cold drink had made up for it.

 

"Hi," Hongjoong greets him, standing up from the seat and walking to Seonghwa. He has his hands shoved in his pockets and is rocking on his feet. He looks way too giddy for a hot and sweaty Wednesday afternoon, Seonghwa does not trust the smile on his face.

 

"This is not a normal visit," Seonghwa replies, foregoing any greeting as he eyes Hongjoong with barely concealed suspicion.

 

In all the months they've known each other, one important thing that Seonghwa has learned about Hongjoong is that he is spontaneous and likes keeping Seonghwa on his toes with his little visits that turn into impromptu trips. He hopes today is not one such day because the sun is ruthless and Seonghwa might just drop from a heatstroke if he has to spend his afternoon outside.

 

"What? I can't even visit my friend out of the pure goodness of my heart?" Hongjoong says feigning offense and Seonghwa sees San poorly hiding a laugh from the corner of his eye.

 

Seonghwa only narrows his eyes in response and crosses his arms over his chest clearly not buying the flimsy reasoning. It really doesn't help that the heat has been making him irritable.

 

"Yeah I'm not buying that, try again." Seonghwa levels him with an unwavering stare, reveling in the way Hongjoong's eyes shift as he tries to blurt out the actual reason for his visit.

 

"Ugh fine. Come with me to the aquarium. I have two tickets for the Lotte one and the COEX one." Hongjoong says with a sheepish smile.

 

"Why do you have tickets for both?"Seonghwa asks him, his voice laced with confusion.

 

"Yeah so the thing is…" Hongjoong trails off, ears getting progressively redder as he avoids looking Seonghwa in the eye.

 

"Hongjoong, I'm going to be really nice when I ask you this okay? What did you do?" Seonghwa asks him, trying to gauge just what new stupid scheme Hongjoong has gotten himself into.

 

He still remembers that one time he had bought clothes online from a shady website that did not take returns. None of the shirts he ordered were his size and half of them ended up in Seonghwa's closet instead.

 

Seonghwa had no place to scold him considering how he too, was a victim of late light online shopping sprees that he mostly regretted the next morning. But he ended up liking the shirts and Hongjoong seemed to love taking them off of Seonghwa even more, so really it was a win-win situation.

 

"It wasn't my fault this time, I promise," Hongjoong is quick to defend himself before continuing, "The intern booked two tickets for both aquariums. It was supposed to be for scoping out the venue for a potential pictorial. It was supposed be for different days but the intern got the dates mixed up and now we have two tickets for two aquariums for the same day…"

 

"Okay…" Seonghwa trails off waiting for Hongjoong to explain why he was the one with tickets now.

 

"It's just that I was the one who wanted to check out the places to get a better feel of the lighting and ambiance, and now everyone else is busy with some other project." Hongjoong completes with a grimace, fingers fiddling nervously as he fixes his gaze on his shoes.

 

"I still don't understand why you have two tickets," Seonghwa asks him, wasn't Hongjoong supposed to do it alone.

 

"Yeah so about that… I was going to ask you if you wanted to tag along because you told me it has been a long time since you last visited an aquarium. But then the dates got mixed up and I got the tickets handed to me today." Hongjoong is blushing again now, peering up at Seonghwa through his lashes.

 

Something about the way he's looking so bashful endears Seonghwa. His heart skips a beat, the box of tangled emotions in his chest unraveling once again.

 

"Hongjoong-ah…" Seonghwa can see how Hongjoong braces himself for a rejection, can see it in the way his hands clench into a fist and his shoulder hunch inwards and his smile starts looking a little too wide for it to be genuine. How does Seonghwa let Hongjoong know that there is very little that he would deny him, if anything at all.

 

"It's fine if you can't go. I'm sure you're busy. I shouldn't have come here, I'll just leave now." Hongjoong says hurriedly, waving San goodbye before scurrying off to the door.

 

"Stop." Seonghwa holds onto Hongjoong's wrist not letting him get farther. Something in his chest clenches at how hopefully Hongjoong looks at him.

 

"Wait for me to get my things, San can close up early today." Seonghwa tells him gently caressing the soft skin of his wrist. He gives a quick glance to San who readily agrees, adding how he can get home early and have a movie night with Wooyoung.

 

"Are you sure? You don't have to agree if you don't want to go." Hongjoong asks again, his voice apprehensive as he watches Seonghwa gather his things and sling his side bag across his shoulder.

 

"Of course, I wanna go with you. I'll go anywhere with you." Seonghwa tells him. The reply feels too much like a confession. It feels too open, too vulnerable, like he's peeling open a layer of his heart in front of Hongjoong and trusting him to not use his vulnerability against him. It feels too much like he's carving his still beating heart out of his chest and thrusting it into Hongjoong's hands, trusting him to not sink his fingers too deep into the mass of flesh and blood.

 

It feels like he's handing him a loose thread of his tangled feelings and trusting Hongjoong to unravel it gently with his delicate finger. More than anything it feels like he's trusting Hongjoong to not tangle that mess of threads even more. It feels like he has been laid bare in front of Hongjoong, even more naked than when he is under him, panting his name with tears in his eyes.

 

And it feels like Hongjoong understands the weight of Seonghwa's admission in the way his eyes turn glossy for a moment. He gives Seonghwa a knowing look and it makes something under Seonghwa's skin crawl at how easy it is for Hongjoong to read him, how easy it is for Hongjoong to understand him, how easy it for Hongjoong to know just what it is that Seonghwa is not saying in words.

 

Seonghwa has to stop himself from thinking too much about it, from thinking too much about what it means for him.

 

"Come on, we have some aquarium hopping to do." Seonghwa exclaims, trying to shift the attention on him, adjusting his beret from where it had tilted.

 

The smile that graces Hongjoong's face is brighter than any summer's day and Seonghwa swears to do everything in his power to keep it there.

 

Seonghwa can't stop thinking about their aquarium non-dates for the rest of the week.

 

He had to physically restrain himself from pressing nose first against the tanks and terrariums, always fascinated by how the fishes always glided so gracefully in the water, blissfully unaware of the people watching them. Once in a while they stopped by certain tanks that had species Seonghwa knew about. Hongjoong's lips were perpetually stuck in a sweet smile as he heard Seonghwa ramble about fishes and how pretty they looked.

 

Every once in a while Hongjoong would stop Seonghwa and ask him to pose for him, his hand already holding the phone camera open to snap a picture before Seonghwa could get ready. At one point Hongjoong had started trailing behind Seonghwa, too fixated on clicking pictures and figuring out the tones and lighting of the place to see how it would have to be worked around for whatever new idea his mind was concocting in his unstoppable brain.

 

They walked and walked until their feet hurt, the occasional snap sound of Hongjoong clicking pictures filling their small adventure that had tapered off into companionable silence. Hongjoong had been clicking yet another picture of Seonghwa when a couple approached them.

 

"Excuse me, do you want us to take a picture of you both?" The girl had asked them with bright eyes, her arm interlocked with her boyfriend's.

 

Hongjoong's eyes darted to Seonghwa, who was already thanking the girl and handing his phone. He then dragged Hongjoong closer until their shoulders were touching and tilted his head towards him. The girl had taken few pictures in succession, moving a little to get better angles.

 

"Put your arms around each other, you can even kiss if you want. There are no kids here, I saw them leave a while back." The girl had suggested, looking at them encouragingly.

 

Hongjoong was quick to move, sliding his hands into Seonghwa's and locking their fingers together. He then gave Seonghwa a small smile before bringing up their joined hands to press a soft kiss on Seonghwa's who couldn't help but look at him with fondness blooming in his chest, the tangle of threads that was woven messily across his ribs now slowly unraveling.

 

He hadn't paid attention to when the picture was clicked until the girl started gushing about how they made such a cute couple. Seonghwa didn't have the heart to correct her, but he didn't want her to misunderstand. He was about to clear things up trying not to let the bitterness that filled his mouth show his face when Hongjoong suddenly took over, thanking her for the compliment.

 

They don't talk about it. They never do.

 

Instead Hongjoong grabbed Seonghwa's hand and guided him towards one of the more secluded parts of the aquarium, not paying any heed to his confusion. Hongjoong finally stopped and gave Seonghwa hand a quick squeeze, before sitting down with his back against the clear glass of one of the bigger tanks that contained a different varieties of fishes and seaweeds. There was another tank on the other side of the glass wall where they had sat down, smaller than the others but still large.

 

It contained a small sorority of betta fish grouped with other small fishes that swam about the tank at a relaxed speed. Seonghwa was enamored as he saw the majestic fish swim around in the tank. He was barely able to conceal his awe as he stared open mouthed when a beautiful pearly white colored halfmoon swam by. When Seonghwa asked why the tank was kept separate, Hongjoong told him that it was because the staff told him the maintenance was difficult due to the fishes' territorial nature.

 

Seonghwa found that sitting in front of the fish tank like that was strangely therapeutic. A few moments later Seonghwa had felt Hongjoong' palm settle gently on the back of his hand. Seonghwa turned his hand up and let Hongjoong fit their fingers together. Something about the action felt so pure, it made Seonghwa's heart jump with giddiness. He felt like a teenager getting attention from his crush.

 

It didn't help that he could feel Hongjoong's eyes on him the entire time. Unable to resist Seonghwa had turned around in place and shifted closer to Hongjoong. His hands found their way on the sides on Hongjoong's neck, fingers digging into the prickly fuzzy hair on his nape where it had been shaved off into an undercut due to the summer heat. He hadn't kissed him, choosing to gently scratch the scruffy skin on his nape as his fingers caressed the sharp line of his jaw before moving to press on the softness of his bottom lip.

 

It was only when Hongjoong let his eyes close with a sigh that Seonghwa had closed the distance between them, capturing his lips in a kiss that felt a bit too different than what they usually did. He had pulled back a fraction to whisper a quiet thank you against Hongjoong's lips before he was drawn back into another kiss, just a little heated than the one before.

 

Hongjoong had kept it short, breaking away with one last peck on the corner of Seonghwa's lips and another one on the soft skin below his eye. The smile on Hongjoong's face had made Seonghwa's stomach flip, a little too soft, a little too tender, a little too open. They didn't sit there for long after that.

 

It was already dark by the time they left the aquarium, Hongjoong's hand still holding on to Seonghwa like there wasn't anything else he would rather be doing. He only drops Seonghwa's hand momentarily when they get in the car before he finds it again, pulling it over the console so that it rests on his lap while he's driving. Throughout the whole drive Seonghwa couldn't help but think about how the warmth bubbling in his chest was not a residual effect of the summer heat.

 

Hongjoong didn't come up with Seonghwa when he dropped him home after they got dinner at a nearby restaurant that Seonghwa liked frequenting. The kiss Hongjoong leaves him with is soft, a careful press of lips making sure that it doesn't escalate into something else. The tenderness with which Hongjoong cradles Seonghwa's head makes him feel floaty and hungry for more—more of that touch, more of that gentleness, more of that care that Hongjoong treats him with.

 

It was different from the other kisses they had shared before—frenzied and desperate and hungry, hands and mouth moving with a kind of urgency that felt like Seonghwa was drowning. Seonghwa kissed Hongjoong like he was the only thing helping him breathe, like his bones would break under the force of every feeling running through his veins if he didn't sink his teeth into Hongjoong, always so hungry to get a taste of him.

 

That night when Seonghwa was already in his bed, a deep chasm had formed in his chest from how much he already missed Hongjoong. When he was going through the pictures taken at the aquarium he stopped at one specific picture. The one taken by the kind stranger who had thought them to be a couple. It's the one where Hongjoong is kissing their intertwined hands but that isn't what makes Seonghwa stare. It's the look on his own face that makes him pause.

 

In the picture he's looking at Hongjoong whose eyes are trained on the camera, softened with a smile that brightens his face despite their joined hands covering the lower half of it. The look Seonghwa finds on his own face is so tender with affection, plain raw love reflected in his eyes, he has to put down his phone for a moment. He feels like he's looking at something sacred, like he's peeking into something intimate, like it's not his own face on the screen.

 

Seonghwa in the picture looks like he has been in love with Hongjoong all his life.

 

He's not thinking straight when he calls Hongjoong. It's well past midnight and Hongjoong was probably sleeping, something that he too should be doing. But he reason with himself, he really really wants to hear Hongjoong's voice. He had sworn that he wouldn't try again if Hongjoong doesn't pick up. He doesn't have time to second guess because then the call is picked, a staticky hiss followed by Hongjoong hoarse voice, thick with sleep.

 

"Hello? Seonghwa?" comes the voice from the other end, quiet as Seonghwa pulls a pillow to his chest.

 

There's nothing but silence filling the space, Seonghwa focusing on the way Hongjoong's breath sounds from the phone. Hongjoong doesn't say anything more, just lets Seonghwa take his time.

 

"Hi," Seonghwa finally replies, his own voice barely louder than a whisper.

 

"Hi," Hongjoong repeats, the sound a breathless thing.

 

"I'm sorry…"

 

"Why are you sorry, sweetheart?" Hongjoong asks calmly, his voice clearer. Seonghwa's heart skips a beat at the endearment, spoken so freely. It was as if Hongjoong didn't even understand the effect he had on him.

 

"For calling so late… I couldn't sleep." Seonghwa admits, a half truth. He doesn't tell Hongjoong that sleep was evading him because he couldn't stop thinking about him.

 

"Then I'm glad you called me, baby." Seonghwa must've been quiet for longer after that because Hongjoong follows up.

 

"Do you want me to come over, Seonghwa-yah?" Hongjoong offers and Seonghwa can hear the covers rustle from the other end, like he's getting ready to come if Seonghwa agrees. He doesn't want that.

 

"No, no… You don't have to come." Seonghwa says quickly not wanting to inconvenience Hongjoong even more than he already has at half-past two in the night.

 

"Then how do you want me to help you, baby? Tell me," Hongjoong asks gently, not at all losing his patience. Seonghwa is suddenly trapped in a memory with his old boyfriend and how angry he had gotten at Seonghwa when he had called him like this once. He had never done anything like that with any other boyfriend after that.

 

He shakes himself to get rid of the bad memory and how shitty it had made him feel about himself.

 

"Can you… no forget it. I shouldn't have called. Sorry for disturbing your sleep." Seonghwa blurts out, feeling how sour the words taste on his tongue. His chest feels tighter than before like he's having trouble even doing the mundane task of breathing.

 

"Seonghwa, Hwa, sweetheart, listen to me. Take a deep breath baby, you're panicking. Just try and follow my breathing, okay? I'm right here." Hongjoong slowly guides him into relaxing until he has calmed down, his voice remaining soft and gentle throughout.

 

"…"

 

"Do you feel better now?" Hongjoong checks after a brief moment of silence.

 

"Yeah, yeah I do. Thank you, I don't know what happened." Seonghwa tells him, shivering from how cold he had started feeling suddenly. He wraps the covers tighter around his body.

 

"You scared me for minute there, sweetheart. Are you sure you don't want me to come over? I won't take long." Hongjoong asks him again, voice laced with worry. Seonghwa can almost imagine the small frown that must be marring his face right this moment. It makes him smile.

 

"I'm fine, Hongjoongie. I promise," Seonghwa tries sounding as reassuring as he can. He didn't mean to worry him so much.

 

"Okay. What did you want to ask me earlier?

 

"…"

 

"Seonghwa, you can tell me."

 

"Will you sing for me?" Seonghwa asks him finally.

 

"Anything for you sweetheart," Hongjoong agrees readily and the tension in Seonghwa chest dissolves.

 

"Any specific requests, Your Highness?" He adds playfully and Seonghwa is unable to stifle the giggle it gets out of him.

 

"No, just want to hear your voice," Seonghwa can feel his face heat up at the confession, the flush reaching his ears when he hears Hongjoong's strangled choke on the other side.

 

"You really don't care about my poor little heart, do you? Saying things like this so casually,"

 

"…"

 

"What? No response? Okay, okay fine. I won't tease," the line goes quiet for a moment and then Seonghwa is able to hear the keys clicking on the laptop. Then finally, soft music fills his ears before Hongjoong starts singing.

 

It's a song Seonghwa is unfamiliar with but hearing the lyrics in Hongjoong low voice makes him love it anyway. The words softly fill the silence, layering smoothly on top of the low sound of the instrumental Hongjoong is playing on his laptop.

 

The tangle of threads in Seonghwa's chest unravels gently with each line Hongjoong sings for him until a small flower has been woven in the place of jumbled threads.

 

Hongjoong's voice softly singing the unfamiliar song lulls Seonghwa to sleep until his eyes close with only thought in his mind. He falls asleep thinking how he's the thought of loving Hongjoong doesn't scare him as much as it did in the beginning. The thought of letting Hongjoong see the cracks and crevices of his heart doesn't seem too daunting.

 

Presenting the bloody muscle of his heart, so full of love for Hongjoong that has started dripping messily all over his fingers doesn't feel like something he wants to be ashamed of.

 

 

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾✩☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

 

 

Fall has been more or less been busy for both of them. Hongjoong still tried to carve out pockets of time for Seonghwa when he would show up at the studio for lunch or sometimes drive them back to his own apartment when they were done for the day for dinner and movie.

 

A few days before his birthday, Hongjoong shows up unannounced on Seonghwa's doorstep with a bag of takeout and another plastic bag that contains a box of black hair dye.

 

Seonghwa is cleaning up after dinner when he hears the doorbell before he hears the pass code being entered. He stops on his way to the kitchen to see Hongjoong removing his shoes in the entryway, trying to juggle with the bags in his hands and failing as he wrestles with his coat. Seonghwa drops the dishes back on the table and puts Hongjoong out of his misery by taking a bag from him before helping him out of his coat. Hongjoong gives him a thankful smile before getting inside with a short kiss pressed firmly on Seonghwa's lips.

 

"Do you mind telling me what you are doing here?" Seonghwa snaps out of his dazed confusion as he follows Hongjoong inside, hanging up his coat on the stand.

 

"I want to dye my hair," Hongjoong says with a gleeful smile that does nothing to quell Seonghwa's confusion. If anything it only adds to it, Hongjoong always dyed his hair at home despite the multiple scolding Seonghwa had given him.

 

One of these days all the badly done dye jobs were going to make him bald and then Seonghwa would have the last laugh. It never failed to piss him off how nice even the worst of his dye jobs turned out, what a beautiful bastard.

 

"Okay… what are you doing here then?"

 

"Because you are going to help me dye it." Hongjoong grins at him, his face flushed from the cool November wind and blonde hair disheveled under the beanie that he takes off.

 

"You're joking." Seonghwa states, his voice full of disbelief.

 

"No, I'm not. Think of it as a birthday gift then." Hongjoong quips, removing another layer of clothing until he's standing in Seonghwa's living room in only his black t-shirt that stretches perfectly across his chest and broad shoulders, sleeves tight around his arms. Seonghwa's eyes narrow in on his tattoo that is visible with a single minded focus. With the way Hongjoong levels him with a knowing smirk, Seonghwa knows he noticed him staring.

 

But he's not going to let Hongjoong's seduction tactics distract him from the matter at hand. The matter being that Seonghwa doesn't know how to dye someone's hair and even if he did know how to do that, he's scared that Hongjoong's brittle bleached hair will start falling off as soon as the brush touches it. Despite how deceptively it had maintained its softness, Seonghwa knew how damaged Hongjoong's hair was.

 

"It doesn't work like that and I'm already working on a gift for you. You better like it when I give it to you." Seonghwa gives him a deadpanned look, trying to hide that in reality he is worried about whether Hongjoong will like the gift he has been working on day and night for weeks now.

 

"I'll love your gift even more when I see it with the new hair color that you'll help me with," Hongjoong says, taking out the box from the bag and removing its contents.

 

"Hongjoong-ah, I'll ruin your hair and then you'll have to go bald and then I won't like kissing you anymore." Seonghwa pouts exaggeratedly moving to take a seat beside Hongjoong.

 

"Now, that's a lie and you know it. You like me too much to let my hypothetical baldness get in the way." Hongjoong punctuates the response with a quick peck on Seonghwa's nose that makes him scrunch his face. On seeing that Hongjoong just grabs his face both hands and squishes it before pressing wet, noisy smooches all over his face that cause him to let out a high pitched laugh as he tries to escape the attack.

 

"I do, you know," Seonghwa says, sobering up from the kiss attack as he looks at Hongjoong whose smile turns smaller but just as bright.

 

"What?" Hongjoong asks as he quietly tucks a stray strand of hair that has fallen on Seonghwa's hair. It has been getting much too long, he has to get it trimmed soon.

 

"Liking you too much. You were right about that." Seonghwa gives Hongjoong a smile that feels a bit too shaky on his lips, unsure of how his confession will be received. He didn't want to say it like this but it doesn't feel too bad until he starts questioning himself. He feels like a small scared animal taking a hesitant step outside of his safe space before scurrying right back in.

 

"Well fortunately for you, I like you enough to help you with your hair too as long as you don't blame me if you end up bald," Seonghwa says, taking a step back. He is back in that push and pull they keep on doing, hates how he can't be brave enough to stand on his words, hates that he can't admit to how much he likes Hongjoong before he has to take a step back.

 

Mostly he just hates himself when the smile in Hongjoong's eyes dims significantly. He's reminded of the day at the beginning of the year when Hongjoong had turned up at his apartment in a similar fashion. He's brought back to how had playfully talked about getting Seonghwa a ring but he had pulled back yet again. He's reminded of how Hongjoong's smile had turned plastic back then as well.

 

And Hongjoong, sweet kind Hongjoong, is always so patient with him. The patience Seonghwa isn't sure he deserves to be given.

 

"I'm glad you like me enough to dirty your hands for me. There's a very low chance of me actually going bald you know that right?" Hongjoong gives him an exasperated look, his smile resigned.

 

Seonghwa gets up from the couch after giving Hongjoong a loud peck on his cheek. When he comes back with a bowl for mixing Hongjoong is already on the floor with his back against the couch. Seonghwa takes his place behind him on the couch, his legs on either side of Hongjoong's shoulders.

 

Hongjoong tells Seonghwa about his day. Tells him about how the shoot today went well and the props were pretty and how they complemented the idea he had in his mind for the photoshoot really well. Seonghwa tells him about a young couple that had come to the studio for a couple's pottery workshop and how they weren't that skilled at molding the clay but that they were still cute in how they kept flirting with each other.

 

Seonghwa meticulously applies the black dye all over Hongjoong's hair, taking care so that he doesn't miss a single spot. Hongjoong turns his attention to whatever part of Seonghwa's body he can get his hands on which in this case turn out to be his poor legs and feet.

 

It's difficult to focus on anything when someone is actively trying to distract you by playing with your feet. Seonghwa nearly kicks Hongjoong in the face when he manages to find a particularly ticklish spot. He revels in the painful whine Hongjoong lets out when he gives his thigh a hard pinch with his toes.

 

It turns out to be a bad decision because then Hongjoong's attention turns to the ample bare skin of Seonghwa's thighs. He curses himself for wearing shorts because Hongjoong forgoes his previous tactic of using his hands and Seonghwa feels butterfly kisses being peppered along the inside of his thigh.

 

A whine builds in his throat when Hongjoong's lips close around the soft skin and suck a mark. It's not long before Seonghwa feels teeth grazing the sensitive skin of his inner thigh. It's only when he feels something wet dripping on his leg that he sees that the bowl has tipped from his hands. His eyes widen when he looks at the blob of black hair dye that has dropped on his leg and Hongjoong's arm as well.

 

He swears under his breath and tries to scoop up as much as he can in his gloved hand, wincing at how it smears all over his leg and Hongjoong's arm. Hongjoong tries to help but Seonghwa stops him, not wanting him to dirty his glove-less hands.

 

"Kim Hongjoong, you got me all dirty," Seonghwa whines, standing up from the couch as he tries to find tissues to minimize as much damage as he can.

 

"You like it when I get you dirty." The smug look on Hongjoong's face is so infuriating it makes Seonghwa want to punch him. Or kiss him stupid.

 

"Not like this you ass, if that stain doesn't wash out I'll kill you," Seonghwa tells him trying to sound as threatening as he can but he knows it doesn't have the intended effect with how his face heats up at Hongjoong's words.

 

"On the bright side it looks like we'll just have to shower together," Hongjoong says teasingly as he moves to hold Seonghwa who just evades him with a warning look.

 

"Only good Hongjoong gets to shower with me and you have been bad Hongjoong right now, so I will take a shower alone after finishing the rest of your hair and you will be on a timeout." Seonghwa revels in the sulky pout that Hongjoong gives him. He will not give in to him, no matter how cute he looks.

 

"Now stay here while I clean this mess up." Seonghwa orders him to behave like he's a puppy and to his surprise Hongjoong listens. He doesn't let up on the pout the entire time Seonghwa is cleaning up, in fact his pout only deepens whenever he catches Seonghwa's eyes.

 

Hongjoong is quiet for the rest of time as Seonghwa finishes up dyeing the last section of his hair. Thankfully more than half of his hair was already dyed before the bowl tipped, leaving only the back of his hair that needed to be dyed. At least he won't have to walk around with half-half hair, but knowing Hongjoong he'll probably look hot with oreo hair too.

 

Seonghwa does stand down on his words as he leaves to take a shower when he's done with Hongjoong's hair. It doesn't stop Hongjoong from sulking even more.

 

He gets dressed in another set of pajamas with similar shorts as the timer rings and Hongjoong goes to wash off the dye and take a shower. Seonghwa is working through his nighttime skincare routine when Hongjoong gets out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around his waist as he shakes off the water from his hair.

 

Seonghwa looks at him from the mirror. His mouth dries seeing the way Hongjoong's back muscles ripple when he stretches to pick a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants from Seonghwa's closet, the place that he had somehow managed to claim for himself. Seonghwa pointedly avoids looking at him when he's changing and can't help indulging a peek.

 

Something in his chest swells with possessiveness when he sees that Hongjoong chose to wear one of Seonghwa's old t-shirts, a black one that has softened over the years because of the amount of times it has been worn. It falls a bit loose over his shoulders and arms, stretched from use.

 

Hongjoong roughly dries his hair with a towel before draping it over the chair in the corner of the room. Seonghwa makes a noise of affront when he flops stomach down on the bed with his hair still wet.

 

"Dry your hair properly. I'm not letting you catch a cold. Wooyoung will kill you if you're all sniffly on your birthday," Seonghwa says, grabbing the hairdryer from the shelf, plugging it in the socket near the bedside table.

 

Hongjoong's response is unintelligible from where he is trying to suffocate himself in one of the pillows. Seonghwa is nothing if not determined, he's not going to let Hongjoong's little tantrum fly, no matter how much it makes him want to squish him.

 

"Come here, I'll dry it for you." That makes him look up, his face all pink from the shower and lack of air from where he had his face buried in the pillow. He gives Seonghwa a sleepy stare before crawling the distance until he's sitting at the edge of the bed, knees spread apart for Seonghwa to stand between them.

 

Seonghwa turns the hairdryer on a low setting and starts drying Hongjoong's hair, ruffling the damp strands with a gentle hand. Hongjoong doesn't move his gaze from Seonghwa, his eyes trained on Seonghwa's face as he ruffles his hair softly.

 

The black hair looks good, a little too dark but it'll settle eventually with more washes. It's the first time Seonghwa has seen Hongjoong with such dark hair. He likes how soft it makes him look, loves how it softens Hongjoong's features while still maintaining their sharpness.

 

Seonghwa brings Hongjoong's head closer so that he can reach the longer strands at the back without strain and feels him move his hands so that he's holding his waist, thumbs digging in the jut of his hips. He gives Hongjoong a questioning look to which he only shakes his head. A moment later, Hongjoong's hands move up his stomach until they're wrapped securely around his torso, the pajama shirt moving with the motion giving him access to the soft skin.

 

Hongjoong comes closer until Seonghwa can feel his breath on the naked skin of his stomach that is twisting in anticipation. He lets out a soft sigh when Hongjoong finally presses a lingering kiss above his bellybutton, dragging a slow path of butterfly kisses up his chest until Seonghwa can feel his nose dig in the space between his ribs.

 

His grip on the hairdryer tightens a fraction when Hongjoong places a wet kiss on his sternum, his hands traveling up Seonghwa's back under his pajama shirt. He turns it off and sets it aside, moaning softly when Hongjoong's lips close around one nipple while he brings his hand forward to pinch the other. Seonghwa's eyes snap shut at the onslaught of sensations, Hongjoong's face hidden under his shirt making him burn hotter.

 

Seonghwa grabs Hongjoong's face and pulls him out of it, drinking in how beautifully flushed he looks, eyes dark and lips red. He leans down a little, positioning one knee on the bed between Hongjoong's spread legs, close to his cock that is already straining against the fabric of his sweats. He's hovering over Hongjoong, teasing him by bringing

 

He brings his thumb to Hongjoong's lips, pressing on the plush skin as he opens his mouth to give Seonghwa's thumb a tentative lick taking it in his mouth entirely when Seonghwa lets out an encouraging whine. Hongjoong's mouth is hot as he swirls his tongue around Seonghwa's thumb before pressing it flat the way he does when he has Seonghwa's cock in his mouth. Seonghwa can't get over how pretty he looks like this, sucking his thumb so eagerly as spit gathers at the corner of his lips.

 

"Look at you, so pretty for me," Seonghwa says, eyes roaming all over Hongjoong's face as he takes in how beautiful he looks.

 

He pulls his thumb out and doesn't let Hongjoong's whine complete before claiming his lips in a heated kiss. He harshly bites down on Hongjoong's bottom lip taking advantage of his pained whine to lick into his mouth. Hongjoong's mouth is hot and so so wet, Seonghwa can hear how loud the kiss gets, the smacking sound echoing in the quiet room. He can feel how Hongjoong has started rutting against his knee that is still propped up on the bed, chasing whatever friction he can find.

 

The desperation makes Seonghwa's head spin as the heat builds in his stomach. He takes away his knee, shushing Hongjoong's complaining whine with another lick into his mouth as he sits properly on his lap, settling his knees on either side of his thighs. His moan gets lost in Hongjoong's mouth when their hips meet, grinding filthily in Hongjoong's lap.

 

They kiss messily, lips moving at a languid, almost lazy pace as Hongjoong pulls Seonghwa closer, hands wrapping around his waist to guide his movements. Seonghwa's hands find purchase in Hongjoong's hair when he breaks the kiss to follow the line of his neck with wet kisses, Hongjoong's hands moving to unbutton his shirt with every kiss. Seonghwa trembles with need when Hongjoong removes his shirt and lets it fall behind him.

 

"Hongjoong-ah, can you be good for me?" Seonghwa asks him in between pants, struggling to keep his composure as drags Hongjoong's face away from where he's sinking his teeth around his nipple. He pulls Hongjoong's t-shirt off as well, fingers caressing the warm skin of his shoulders.

 

"Yes yes yes," Hongjoong chants, looking at Seonghwa with an eager look.

 

"Be good for me and lay back on the bed." Hongjoong quickly does as he's told when Seonghwa gets up from his perch on his lap.

 

Seonghwa feels lightheaded at the sight in front of him—Hongjoong sprawled on his bed, his face flushed and kiss bitten lips glistening in the low light of Seonghwa room. His chest is heaving, his cock tenting up under his sweats. He looks so ruined just from a little kissing.

 

Seonghwa gets rid of his shorts and underwear, cock slapping against his stomach as he kneels on the bed and slowly crawls towards Hongjoong. He ignores the wanton sound escaping Hongjoong's lips, filling the room with how loud it is. Seonghwa crawls over Hongjoong and settles down on his lap, wiggling a little to get comfortable.

 

"Bad puppy." He slaps away Hongjoong's hands when he tries to hold his waist.

 

"Will you keep your hands to yourself until I give you permission to touch me or will I have to get something to tie you up?" Seonghwa asks Hongjoong, his voice stern and he brings his face closer until their noses barely touch.

 

"I'll be good, I swear. I won't touch." Hongjoong's response is quick, hands falling back on bed to clutch the sheets instead.

 

"Good boy." Seonghwa smiles, satisfied with the answer.

 

"I'm going to open myself up and you will watch, won't you sweetheart?" Seonghwa shifts to grab the bottle of lube from the bedside drawer.

 

He pours some on his fingers, barely letting it warm before he's moving his hand to open himself up. He starts slow, putting in one finger as he lets himself get comfortable with the intrusion. He adds another finger and then quickly adds a third hissing at the stretch, fingers digging into Hongjoong's chest at the slight pain. The stretch turns pleasant quickly as he thrusts in three fingers, not caring to muffle his moans.

 

Seonghwa takes a quick glance at Hongjoong who's looking at him with unrestrained hunger, almost drooling as he watches him ride his own fingers. Seonghwa can see how tightly he's gripping the sheets, he wonders if he'll tear them. He's trying so hard to be good for Seonghwa, he finally decides to put him out of his misery. Seonghwa removes his fingers, whining at how empty his hole feels.

 

He hooks his fingers into Hongjoong's sweats and underwear and pulls them down in one move, mouth salivating when sees his cock resting heavily on his stomach, almost a painful looking red. He grabs the lube again, squirting a copious amount on his hand before wrapping it around Hongjoong's cock. The moan Hongjoong lets out at the stimulation is the loudest Seonghwa's has ever heard him get in bed.

 

He covers Hongjoong's cock with lube, making it slick before giving it a few quick squeezes that have him moaning again. Seonghwa kneels over Hongjoong and slowly puts his cock in his awaiting hole, wet and open until he's fully inside. Seonghwa lets out a drawn out moan at the fullness. He feels Hongjoong's hips stutter as he tries his best to hold still, sweat beading on his forehead as he keeps his hands to the side and does his best to follow Seonghwa's previous order.

 

"You can touch me sweetheart, you've been so good for me, haven't you?" Hongjoong's hands are on him as soon as Seonghwa gives him permission.

 

His hand roams all over Seonghwa's torso, going from his stomach to his nipples as he tugs them both harshly before finally stopping at his neck to pull him down. Hongjoong is quick to swallow the moan Seonghwa lets out, claiming his lips in a frenzied kiss—desperate and hungry and messy as he tries to eat Seonghwa whole.

 

Seonghwa keeps riding Hongjoong at a fast pace who meets him with forceful thrusts. They're both panting in each other's mouths after a while as Seonghwa moves his hips skillfully. Hongjoong's fingers are painfully tight on Seonghwa's waist but it feels so good he can't find it in himself to care.

 

"Fuck me fuck me fuck me." Seonghwa chants pathetically, unable to go as fast as he wants because of how much his thighs have started shaking. Hongjoong is quick to act, switching their positions so that Seonghwa is lying on the bed, his chest heaving and arousal swirling in his gut at how easily Hongjoong manhandles him.

 

Hongjoong sets a brutal pace, hips drilling into Seonghwa as his lips pepper hot wet kisses along his chest and neck. His thrusts get short and choppy as he chases his orgasm, hand closing around Seonghwa's neglected cock tightly. He barely gives a stroke before Seonghwa is spilling all over his hand, reaching his peak when swipes his thumb over his slit. Seonghwa's orgasm sneaks up on him as he sinks his teeth in Hongjoong's shoulder, sure that the bite will leave a mark. Hongjoong follows soon after spilling hotly inside him, his thrusts getting slower as he rides out his orgasm.

 

Harsh pants and heavy breathing fill the room as they catch their breath. Hongjoong moves to lie down beside Seonghwa, his skin cool with sweat against Seonghwa's warm body. Seonghwa feels Hongjoong's finger caress his back with gentle hands, tracing mindless patterns on the bare skin. Seonghwa's eyes fall shut with the soothing motion. He barely feels Hongjoong kiss him when he falls asleep.

 

The last thing Seonghwa thinks of is how he has fallen in love with Hongjoong yet again on a November night. He thinks about how he'll probably wake up in the morning to Hongjoong leaving him with a goodbye kiss yet again. The last thing he thinks about is how much the tangle of threads in his chest has unraveled by just loving Hongjoong and trusting him, the ball getting smaller and smaller as the threads get woven into a pattern of flowers around his ribs.

 

 

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾✩☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

 

 

The next morning Seonghwa wakes up to a hand softly tracing his face. The early morning sun is warm on his back but something in his chest burns warmer at the thought of opening his eyes and seeing Hongjoong in front of him. Seonghwa feels the lone finger gently caress his cheek, racing an imaginary path from his nose to his lips to his ears before finally stopping at his forehead and playing with his hair.

 

He keeps his eyes tightly shut, afraid that the hand on his face is just a dream. He doesn't want to wake up to his bed empty the way he always does after Hongjoong spend the night.

 

Seonghwa hears a soft huff of laughter and then a kiss on his lips, then another on his nose, and then another on his cheek until the lips try covering the entirety of his face with butterfly kisses. He can't stop the laughter that bubbles in his chest at the ticklish sensation.

 

He cracks his eyes open to see a sight he never imagined he would see. He finds Hongjoong still in his bed, his arm thrown over Seonghwa's wait and leg trapped between Seonghwa's. Hongjoong is smiling at him, a sleepy curve of lips as his head rests just a few inches away from his.

 

"Hi," Hongjoong says, finger finding the curve of Seonghwa's cheek.

 

"Hi." Seonghwa repeats, leaning into the tender touch.

 

They fall in comfortable silence after that, basking in early morning sun that warms them as they enjoy each other's presence. Seonghwa breaks the silence again after a long moment of quiet.

 

"You didn't leave," Seonghwa tells him, voice thick with emotion.

 

Hongjoong only responds with an affirmative hum. The smile on his face softens even more as he looks at Seonghwa before he grabs one of his hands and brings it to his lips.

 

"I didn't want to leave you." Hongjoong says, like it's as simple as that.

 

"You always did before." Seonghwa presses more, wanting to know why he chose not to leave this time.

 

"I had to. Because if I stayed, I wouldn't have wanted to ever leave." Hongjoong admits, his thumb drawing circles on the back of Seonghwa's hand.

 

"What changed?" Seonghwa asks him, his stomach twisting in anticipation at what the answer might be.

 

"I realised I can't pretend anymore, I'm not a good actor Seonghwa-yah." Hongjoong's smile turns a little pained as he says that. It makes Seonghwa feel sickly nervous, his stomach a dark pit.

 

"Pretend about what?" Seonghwa asks again, afraid of what he may hear next. It must show on his face because Hongjoong presses a reassuring kiss on his lips. It only makes him more nervous.

 

"I can't pretend that I'm not in love with you anymore. I can't pretend like I haven't been half in love with you ever since I saw you for the second time in that restaurant, hurried because you were five minutes late. I can't pretend like like it didn't kill me to act like you were just a friend with whom I had sex sometimes. I can't pretend like it doesn't hurt when someone mistakes us a couple and I can only thank them knowing that it kills me that I don't get to call you mine, at least not the way I want to." Hongjoong tells him, his eyes shining with tears that well up.

 

"Then why did you tell me you didn't want a relationship when we first started this," Seonghwa says, nose burning as his eyes fill with tears too.

 

"Seonghwa-yah, the first thing everyone told me about you was how badly your last relationship ended. And everytime one of the kids tried to set you up on a date, you would refuse saying that you weren't ready for a relationship again. I thought that arrangement was the only way I could get to see you without scaring you off." Hongjoong explains, wiping the stray tear that slips from Seonghwa's eye.

 

"I only refused those dates because I already liked you back then. I was crushed when you told me you weren't looking for a relationship. I thought I could keep my feelings in check when I agreed for this stupid arrangement but I was so wrong. One month later you were treating me better than any of my previous boyfriends and it's like my heart never stood a chance against you. How could I not have fallen in love with you when you touched me like I was something precious, when you looked at me like I was the only one in the room, when you kissed me like you loved me too." Seonghwa's voice is choked with tears that are faling steadily now.

 

"Oh sweetheart, we've been stupid haven't we?" Hongjoong gently gathers Seonghwa in his arms. The warmth of Hongjoong's bare skin against his makes Seonghwa cry harder until his breath turns shuddery and he starts hiccuping.

 

Hongjoong holds him through it all, cooing sweet nothings in his ear as he swipes along the length of Seonghwa's back to calm him down from crying. Seonghwa hides in his face in Hongjoong's naked chest until the tears turn into sniffles. Hongjoong is still patting soothing circles on his back.

 

"I'm sorry," Seonghwa says pulling back from his hiding space, hand wiling away the wetness of his tears from Hongjoong's chest.

 

"Why are you sorry sweetheart?" Hongjoong asks, brows drawn in confused frown as he pulls Seonghwa closer.

 

"For not being able to tell you I loved you fast enough. For always pulling back." Seonghwa tells him his heart aching when he remembers how Hongjoong would mask his disappointment every time he pulled back after taking a step forward.

 

"You don't have to apologise for that Seonghwa. You weren't ready then. It's not like I did anything to clear up our misunderstanding. It would've saved us both a lot of heartache, don't you agree?" Hongjoong soothes his worries with a bright grin.

 

The sun is high up in the sky now, streaming into the room with bright yellow light that falls beautifully on Hongjoong's face. It makes him look prettier than ever, bare faced and unkempt from sleep. It makes Seonghwa fall in love with him more.

 

Unable to contain the outpour of love that Seonghwa feels in his chest, he pulls Hongjoong in for a kiss. He kisses Hongjoong softly, trying to pour every bit of love that he feels for him into that press of their lips. Hongjoong responds with a pleased sound, arms wraping tightly around Seonghwa as he grips his thigh and pulls him on top of him.

 

Seonghwa breaks the kiss, their lips separating with a soft smack. Hongjoong looks at him with a look so fond he has to bury his face in his neck to hide how his face heats up. Hongjoong notices, of course he does, because Seonghwa feels his chest shake lightly with laughter.

 

"I love you, Hongjoong-ah. I really really do." Seonghwa confesses in the quiet of his sunlit room.

 

The smile on Hongjoong's face is brighter than the sunlight streaming through his windows. Seonghwa makes a vow to himself yet again that he'll do everything in his power to make sure it doesn't dim.

Notes:

this was supposed to be smut writing practice but then it started having a everything else but that
writing smut is difficult ngl (0/10 would never try again…maybe…who knows)
you can find me on twt: matzeumi (i mostly post wips of other fics)
also made a revospring: matzeumi you can ask me questions or send prompts that you'd like to see 🤗