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The night hunt was supposed to be a simple one, he and Lan Zhan had separated on the fork road to cover more ground. They carried signal flares and communication talismans on them in case of danger. The Dafan hunt by juniors had quickly become a benchmark on ‘How to Die on a Night Hunt 101’.
It was their first night hunt alone after their elopement a year ago. Lan Zhan had taken on the mantle of the Chief Cultivator. Between that and handling the Lan sect after Xichen-Ge's seclusion had been too hectic and this was the first solo night-hunt they managed to get. It was not that far from Gusu. Only a few hours on sword but a reprieve, nonetheless.
They had gotten reports of some demonic activity around the region. It was a forested area. A-Yuan, being the most precious child, had sent his fathers for the night-hunt while he promised to handle the sect for a day. Lan Qiren for his part did not approve of Wei Wuxian and was VERY vocal about it for the first few months but then religiously ignored him. He had a strong suspicion that Lan Zhan had a hand in it.
They were scheduled to return to the Cloud Recesses early morning. The weather was pleasant for a night outing, and they had plans for a picnic after solving the issue.
Wei Wuxian coughed, his breath coming in painful gasps among the smoke clogging his lungs. The golden glow of the setting sun covered in flames.
A few of his ribs were broken, held down by a pillar on his chest. Blood pooled beneath him, he could not feel the source of it, his limbs bent at unnatural angles. A blood red array glowed beneath his body.
He had found a very old looking shrine around an hour ago. Big enough for someone to live inside, held up by old pillars. He strolled in with his senses spread out. Yet, he was too late to notice the array under him. By the time he looked down he was locked in place, unable to move or speak. The array glowed menacingly, engulfing him whole and leeching at his consciousness. The last thing he remembered before blacking out was a growl above and him sending a burst of spiritual energy through his communication talisman.
Now he laid there with his eyes unfocused and hazy, ragged breaths; the sunset was now replaced with stars and an overhead moon. He could make out distant clashing of swords. He tried to call the resentful energy around him, but nothing seemed to get past the array under him. He heard a grunt and the clank of a falling sword to his left. He managed to turn his head.
The sight nearly caused him to lose whatever fight he had left.
Lan Zhan was there, blood staining his pristine clothes, some of it his own. His right knee bent and palms pushing at the earth. His back was the only thing he could see. Bichen was discarded at the side, Wangji’s strings broken. Ahead of him were around 20 men, all masked and armed with spiritual weapons. But something was wrong, something blocking Lan Zhan from using all his energy. His Lam Zhan could not be bested by this measly a number.
“L-Lan...” he tried to reach out, but Lan Zhan was just too far, he knew he was not going to make it out of this unharmed, but Lan Zhan needed to save himself. He could not let Lan Zhan get hurt, more than he already was.
“G-Go away...” he managed to whisper out, talking seemed to be a hard task right then.
Lan Zhan did not look back. Nor did he acknowledge him. One of the masked men shot forward with his sword. Lan Zhan did not move! Why was he not moving?
He thrashed his one good arm to get his hand on anything. ANYTHING!!
Lan Zhan did not move as he was stabbed in his shoulder. He defended with a burst of spiritual energy; his reserves were exhausted from what Wei Wuxian could make out. Yet he was defending Wei Wuxian!!
As if he was worth more than Lan Zhan.
“Lan Z-Zhan... mo-ve... please...” he begged the unflappable jade to just move.
Lan Zhan remained in the same position.
Another masked man lunged at him. Now aiming for his chest. Lan Zhan dodged and was kicked to the ground. Finally, he could see his beloved’s face. His forehead ribbon sweeping the ground.
Tears prickled his eyes, but he blinked back, “L-Lan Zhan... Leave... bao-bei... please.” He pleaded with everything he had left.
Lan Zhan just shook his head. His lips pursed tightly into a thin line. A soft streak of blood dripping down his chin.
“it’s not... worth it... leave!” he tried to yell out! Why was this stubborn man not listening to him!!
Lan Zhan tried to move towards him, only a meter between their fingers. He stretched his own arm out as much as he could.
“Please... live... ple-...” he rasped out, this really was not worth it! Lan Zhan’s life was the last thing he wanted to be taken from him.
“Not without you, xingan. Not without you. Never again.” He heard Lan Zhan say. Now, their fingers only a few inches apart.
A sword pierced through Lan Zhan’s back. Wei Wuxian’s breathing stuttered.
“No! No no no no... A-Zhan...” his tongue was not collaborating with his brain.
Lan Zhan passed him that devastating smile of his. Wrong time! Wrong time for it! You cannot do this Lan Zhan!
“I love you, Wei ying.”
“No.” he shook his head. No, this cannot be happening! Lan Zhan was all he had left! Can’t the gods be merciful to him this once!? Just this once! He would never show his face to the world if it was all it took for his loved ones to stay alive.
“I love you.” Lan Zhan whispered. A tear trickled down his perfect face. His mouth slightly opened in a gasp.
“Lan Zhan don’t do this to me. I will never forgive you Lan Zhan, please.” he blabbered through his own tears.
“Sorry, I love you.” Lan Zhan repeated. His face full of guilt, sadness and acceptance.
“No, no, I will not say it. You need to live, for me please. You cannot go. Please.” he pleaded to the gods to take his life a second time but leave his husband.
He saw one more man get close to Lan Zhan.
“NO! No... stay away!! Leave him! Take my life instead! Leave him!!” he shrieked into the dead of night. Clawing his hands to fill in the last gap between him and his zhiji.
“I love you, Wei Ying. Always. Live for me.” Lan Zhan whispered with a resigned sigh just as a sword pierced his heart.
Wei Wuxian just looked at his face, horrified to his core, his heart aching so much that he wondered why he had not perished along his husband yet. He wanted to. His lungs ached. His whole body was going numb. His brain a hazy mess of words and emotions. He clawed at the rubble under his fingers. His nails, splitting and bleeding on the floor. He just wanted to hold his Lan Zhan once! ONCE! Why could the gods not even give him this! Was he that sinful? That tainted? WHY?
A last tear rolled down his cheek as Lan Zhan's breath fluttered for the last time. His eyes dimming and body going limp.
Wei Wuxian felt something break in him. More painful than when the corpses had torn him apart.
He kept clawing and scraping at the floor under him. His fingers, creating deep red marks. The fire now burning his trapped body
He did not even get to tell his heart how much he loved him for the last time!! He was denied even that!
He finally broke into painful howls and screams. Calling for his companion. The screams, more beastly than human. His lungs aching too much, his vision blackening at the edges. He was not ready to stop seeing his husband. He fought against his own body to just hold the sight of his beloved a little longer. Just a little longer. He registered white flares of something in his peripheral before succumbing.
Every nerve in his body is screaming. He feels flayed open, not unlike when first of the corpses had started to tear at his skin. His throat feels scarped and drowned, gurgling out blood as his chest rises and falls painfully in a concave. He sees a blur of white... Lan Zhan? But his mind blanks before he can make sense.
He wakes to hot white agony and clenched teeth, half of his body covered in pins and needles, he cannot feel it but can see it spasm violently as if it was not a part of him. He is forced back into darkness before he can scream. He feels hands digging into his flesh, the pain of falling overshadowed by the screams in his head.
“A-Xian...”
“Wei Ying”
“Wei Wuxian!”
“Why are you still alive?”
He wakes again and again, and each time is forced back into the darkness. To the unending nightmares.
He woke up again, his lungs and heart ached, and his limbs felt too heavy to be his own. He swept his surroundings, he was in a Lan infirmary, bound in bandages and casts. His entire right half covered in thick poultices up to his cheek. The events before his waking up came crashing down on him and he got up, fighting the nausea and probable blood down his throat. He needed to see Lan Zhan! Surely, he was alive! There was no way Lan Zhan could die. He should be in the infirmary. But where was he?
He fell to his knees. something was probably broken. He did not care. He needed to see his husband. His right side twinged and tensed as if being flayed and peeled. He stumbled out the door and ignored the guards’ wide-eyed murmurs and escaped their attempts to restrain him.
“Where is Lan Zhan?” his voice scraped against his throat.
The guards looked between themselves with sadness.
“Where is he?” he bellowed out. Uncaring of the rules.
“Y-yilling laozu, please c-calm down.” one of them stammered. Pathetic! He wanted his husband!
“WHERE. IS. HE?” He was not averse to threats right now.
“Baba?”
“A-yuan!” his precious baby! He rarely called them father and only in private.
“A-yuan where is your A-die! Take me to him.” he squeezed his son’s shoulders. A-yuan looked at him with sadness and guilt. His eyes were rimmed red. Jingyi had followed him and looked equally sad. He did not like it.
“Take me to him A-Yuan! Now!” He knew he sounded desperate. He was. He needed to see his Lan Zhan.
“Baba you are injured. Please let me help you.” A-Yuan's voice was soft. Too soft. He liked nothing of it. He looked too pale. Or was it his white clothes.
“No. Take me to your father. Now. Please.” his own voice broke at the end.
A-Yuan looked down and let out a shaky exhale and nodded. He looped his arms around Wei Wuxian’s shoulders and started walking. Wei Wuxian clinging to him for support. Ignoring the ache in his body. Lan Zhan will surely scold him for this. But he should have been here if he wanted him to care about himself. Lan Zhan knew better.
They continued towards the ancestral Hall. He felt fear grip his heart.
“W-why are we going here?”
A-yuan did not reply. Just kept walking towards the mourning lilt of a dozen guqins.
There were figures standing there. All in white. No hint of the occasional blue. A stone dropped in his chest.
“No no no no... please no...” he muttered to himself. His eyes moving frantically to catch the familiar gold.
“W-why is e-everyone here?” he asked in a broken voice. Everyone turned to him. He could make out the pearly white coffin between them. Settled on a raised dais.
He rushed to it. Ignoring the stumbling and snapping of his own bones. He fell to his knees halfway. A few arms extended towards him, but he shoved them all back and crawled to the coffin himself.
The face inside was all too familiar. He had spent nights tracing that perfect jaw and nose. Spent hours tasting those petal soft lips. Has now spent years thinking of the perfect man and his beautiful golden eyes on himself. But now the man lay motionless. His jaw and nose still. His petal soft lips closed and rigid. His eyes shut and their golden light never to fall on anyone again.
He did not recognize the broken wail that covered the ancestral hall. One moment he was looking over the coffin and next he was stumbling back on his palms and foot.
That could not be his Lan Zhan. His Lan Zhan was perfect. His Lan Zhan did not look like this. So still.
“No, no. That's not my husband.” His cheeks were wet, but who was crying? Why would he cry? This was not his husband.
“Wuxian. Please control yourself.” It was Lan Xichen. He looked gaunt. The same as he had looked for a year in seclusion now. But he was not in seclusion right now. Why was he out? Why now?
“Xichen-Ge, where is my A-Zhan? Are you guys playing a prank on me? Is this your revenge? Please return my husband to me.” He laughed and cried at the same time, looking up at his brother-in-law.
Lan Xichen closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. A-yuan's painfully harsh breaths behind him.
“A-yuan why are you crying! Stop! Everyone STOP!!” he yelled, covering his own ears and squeezing his eyes shut.
“Wei Wuxian! Wangji is dead! This is Wangji!” Lan Qiren bit out.
“NO! You hate me, right? Do you hate me so much that you now lie with your nephew’s life?”
“Baba... please... A-Die d-died before we reached.” A-Yuan said between exhales.
Wei Wuxian stared at the coffin. His Lan Zhan, no, that can’t be it...
He crawled slowly towards the coffin again. Resting his cheek on the wood of it. His Lan Zhan was there, just a tiny bit away. He stared; his eyes stung but he could not close them. Not again.
He peaked inside and reached out his hand to caress his beloved. His own fingers were wrapped up in bandages. He tore through them; these filthy things should not get near his husband. Now his fingers were freed. The tips of them battered and some nails missing. He did not mind. He just wanted to touch his husband.
He touched the cheekbones of his sweetheart. Then his eyes, nose, lips. Jaw. Temples. Forehead. Hair. His husband was truly the most beautiful creature to ever live. Dressed in his finest robes. Wei Wuxian loved them. He brought his fingers to his own lips and kissed the tips. Then lowered them to his zhiji’s lips in a feather light touch.
His husband’s forehead was bare. His ribbon folded neatly and kept on his chest. The ribbons were a part of the Lans. He picked it up and tied one end around his own wrist and the other around Lan Zhan’s. There, now no one will separate them.
A few grumbles echoed around him, but he paid no attention to them. He just wanted his Lan Zhan. He rested his cheek on his other hand gripping the sides of the coffin. His tied hand resting above his beloved’s heart, fingers intertwined. He kept looking at his husband’s face. He could not blink. He stayed there for God knows how long. Everyone left. A-Yuan stayed. Burning paper and incense every hour. They stayed there for the whole night. Tears a never-ending stream but not a single sound. His Lan Zhan enjoyed peace.
The next day someone tried to separate him from his Lan Zhan. He did not let go. But at the end he was wrenched away. The ribbon left hanging by his own wrist, when someone reached for it he snarled, he did not care who it was, no one could take it from him. His A-Yuan took him by the arms and asked for the ribbon to be left alone. His A-Yuan held him as the casket was lifted. “A-die is going to rest baba. Will you come with me?” He nodded, his son holding him as they followed behind. Lan Xichen just behind him with Lan Qiren and the elders. A small part of the ancestral ground was hollowed out. The rights master said something but he could not follow, his eyes fixed on the white surface of his husband’s bed.
But then all of a sudden it was being lowered into the ground, he lunged for it but somebody held him back. He could not let his Lan Zhan be alone. He would not like it. No one noticed it but he knew that Lan Zhan slept poorly whenever he was away. His Lan Zhan did not like sleeping alone.
“Let me go.” He said, “He does not like to sleep alone! Let me join him!” His a-yuan looked heartbroken but what was there to be sad about? He smiled at his son, “A-Yuan you know your A-Die can’t sleep without me, right? Don’t worry, I’ll be just by his side, yeah?”
But they held him back. His husband was being lowered into the ground, “No! What are you doing? He can’t sleep on ground!”
“No! Stop! What is wrong with you people!! No! Why are you covering him! He can’t breathe! He will suffocate! No-! A-Yuan! A-Yuan please ask them to stop! Lan XiChen! Ask-” His vision turned hazy as his voice cracked. His body swaying as red bloomed on the surface of his robes.
“No- ple-”
He woke up in infirmary, was it all a dream? His body twinged and twisted painfully. he looked to his side, the stern-faced doctor who always attended him when Lan Zhan dragged him here sitting quietly. Her robes looking too white to his bleary eyes.
“la-...-an?” He tried to ask but could not form the words.
“I am sorry Wei-Gongzi.” She looked sad.
“No...” He whispered, his voice caught in his throat. No, it can’t be.
He tried to get up against her protests. He had to make sure; He limped out the infirmary. The grounds unusually desolate, only a few servants here and there who cleared as soon as they saw him.
He stumbled towards the ancestral hall, most of the sect seemed to be gathered there. He forced his way through the sea of white. The name carved on the tablet before his son all too familiar. He knelt beside his son and wailed, half rage and half grief mingling into something animal. Raw. It all felt like an imitation of the last time he was awake. But there was no casket to grieve upon now.
“Wei Wuxian! Regulate yourself!”
He could not care. His husband's spiritual weapons laid out in front of the tablet seemed to beckon him, they were never meant to be apart from him. He took them into his embrace, his new bandages already tinged pink.
“Wei Wuxian! We cannot let you dishonor him like this!”
He stopped and stared at the elder that had spoken.
“You are the reason we lost him! Now you shame him and his sect!”
“He hates you.” He rasped. The elder stared back at him in bafflement.
“Lan Zhan hates you” He said again. The elder spluttered and raised his finger.
“Leave it.” Lan Qiren said, clipped and short.
He ignored everyone and started walking. He limped towards the Jingshi. It was his Lan Zhan’s place. He will wait for his husband in his home. Their home. Where no one could enter without his permission. Where Wei Wuxian could break every rule. Especially the one which asked everyone to stay away from him. Because his husband would never follow that. His marriage to Lan Zhan was never acknowledged by them. He was never given a spouse’s title, nor a forehead ribbon to legitimize his position. But he knew this place was his husband’s home. He was allowed to be selfish here. To not care of anyone except his husband. His Lan Zhan liked him to be in his home. No one can ask him to leave Jingshi other than Lan Zhan. Could he call it his own too now that the person whom it belonged to was not here. The person HE belonged to was not here. But he would return. Lan Zhan never followed that rule; he would always stay by his side.
Lan Zhan did not return.
He did not return as the night fell. Many knocks came but Lan Zhan did not, he would never knock in his own home. He opened the doors, and his foot hit a food tray. The portion for only one person, bland and small. They must have forgotten that Wei Wuxian was also there. He picked the tray and set out to find his husband. Bichen and Wangji tucked safely in his robes. He followed the direction wangji hummed towards. His body ached but he knew that Lan Zhan would make him better.
He reached the large grounds and stopped beside a freshly turned patch of land; his feet just shy of the various offering laid out around the grave. He fell to his knees, food forgotten. His fingers scraped the mud, trying to get Lan Zhan out of the dirt. He must be suffocating. His fingers left red streaks.
He curled on the ground, above the dirt separating him and his husband and hummed their song, his husband did not like to sleep alone.
The next morning he woke up in the Jingshi and refused to open the doors until Lan Zhan came back. He opened the closet with one hand. Not letting go of Lan Zhan’s possessions in his other hand. He took out the robes Lan Zhan had worn when they eloped. His vision was hazy, but he could see it. Those were Lan Zhan’s favorite. He draped them over himself. He was still in the white robes from the infirmary. He did not like them. His Lan Zhan loved seeing him wear gusu robes but only when they came out of his own closet or wallet. His elders never agreed. He clutched Lan Zhan’s robe tight. It was big on him. Covering him in the sandalwood scent, just like his Lan Zhan did. His right side of the body stung with the contact, but he did not mind. He waddled to the bed. Their bed. And laid there. Clutching everything that belonged to his husband. He will not let anyone touch them. They will never be able take these.
A knock on the door. More insistent. Were they here to throw him out since Lan Zhan was away? No. He will not go. This is his Lan Zhan’s place. He huddled to the center of the bed. His knees to his chest.
Someone entered. He squeezed his eyes shut. No. He will not go. He was breathing hard.
“Baba? You are hurt baba... please let me help you.”
Oh, A-Yuan. Their son. He would not make him get out of here, right?
He nodded. Not moving but following him with his eyes. A-yuan reached for his robes. Lan Zhan’s robes on him. He flinched back, he cannot let him take this.
“Baba, please... I will not take it from you. Just a few moments? Please?’’
He did not move, A-yuan slowly peeled the fabric back from his right side. It hurt. It felt like skin being peeled. A-Yuan gasped. He bought something out of his sleeves. A salve. He applied it to the whole of his right side, his cheeks, shoulder, arm, hands, torso. Wei Wuxian did not look down to himself. His eyes locked on A-Yuan's face. His son looked like his father; Lan Zhan raised him to be so good, right? A perfect little boy. He reached out with his now re-bandaged hand to wipe an astray droplet from his son’s face.
“A-Yuan, your A-Die did not come back home... Does he hate me now?” he rasped out.
A-yuan paused and just looked at him. He shook his head and seized Wei Wuxian in a hug. He was crying.
“No, baba... A-Die will never hate you... he is just away... he loved you so much baba.” he sobbed.
“I said something bad to him, A-yuan, I said...” he whispered.
“No, baba no.”
“You don’t know A-yuan...” he pushed himself away from him and took his son’s face in his hand.
“A-yuan, ward the jingshi.” He pleaded.
“Yes, baba. No one will enter aside me and sect leader.” A-yuan nodded.
“No, no... you don’t understand...”
“What do you mean baba?” his son asked.
“Ward it, don’t come in, you too.”
“But-”
“No! Listen to me please... ward it. I am a curse baobei, leave me or you will die too... leave, please.” He sounded so desperate.
A-yuan looked at him horrified. He was saying this for his own good! Why can this child not understand?
“No, I will take care of you.” A-yuan was crying. He did not like it.
“No, no you silly child. Leave, just leave. I asked Lan Zhan to leave too, and he did not. You leave, please.” He was begging now.
“I will stay, you cannot make me leave.” This stubborn Child! Lan Zhan raised him just like himself.
“GO AWAY! I told you to leave! Just go!!” he pushed his son.
A-yuan pulled him back, his face to his chest. He kept asking him to leave but A-yuan did not let go. He cried in his son’s chest till he passed out.
When he woke up, no one was in the room. Did A-yuan finally leave? His heart ached. Good for him. He laid there in the bed.
A-yuan had not left. He came back, with food. Wei Wuxian did not eat. A-yuan still forced him with his pleadings. He still did not leave the bed. A-yuan washed him and fed him. He was a burden to his own son. What a pathetic person. Lan Zhan still did not return.
The next time A-yuan went out he peeled himself off the bed and stood in the middle of Jingshi. He took everything in. What was he to do now? His parents left him, His adopted parents too, his shijie, the wens, Wen Ning was now a fierce corpse because of him, Jiang Cheng turned on him and still hates him, they had not talked after the Guanyin temple. When he had died, he was somewhat happy that his sufferings were ending. He felt guilty of thinking such a thing when he had so much blood on his hands. But he had now lost his husband too. He was really cursed. He lifted his hand and looked at the bandages. Lan Zhan would have scolded him but now he was not here. He wanted to meet his husband. He sat there in the middle of the floor.
He took Suibian into his hands and looked at it, He could not wield it. His golden core was too weak... what use was it even if it could not save his husband? He unsheathed it very slowly, his own reflection glistened on the surface of the blade. He did not recognize that face. It was not his. It was someone else. Someone who gave up their body for the useless him. He would give it up for Lan Zhan too, but his Lan Zhan did not deserve this disfigured body. Half of it burnt. The flames had seared his right cheek, neck, whole right arm and a little of chest down to his hip. The skin now melted and merged at some places. A-yuan had applied medicine to it. There were some other burns on him too, but they were healing. He did not heal these burns though. He could not when they were a remembrance of his husband. He hoped that he had more. He held now a bare blade in his hand and set it on his neck. He wanted to meet his Lan Zhan. He slowly sliced through the skin, then the soft flesh and finally reached the veins. His now white borrowed robes were stained red and pink around the collars. He closed his eyes and lay in the pool of his own blood. He was eager to meet his beloved. He heard a door opening and a scream, but his mind seemed so peaceful in that moment. Like swimming through the lakes of lotus pier on a hot day. Finally something refreshing after being in mud and heat.
He woke up, again, against his wish. First, he felt as if his whole body was on fire. His throat burned and his eyelids felt too heavy, He laid there, fighting the buzz in his ears. He could make out sounds of someone speaking but soon drifted back to unconsciousness. The next time he woke up the sounds were still there. He could make out Lan Xichen, Lan Qiren and A-Yuan by his bedside. Someone was tending to his wounds.
“Leave...” he rasped out. His voice coarse. Everyone quieted around him.
“Wuxian are you awake? We just wanted to check on you.” Lan Xichen’s voice was soft.
“Leave” he whispered out.
“We will soon, but please don’t do this baba.” A-yuan's voice quivered at the end. Oh his sweet child. He felt his own tears drop.
“Why can’t I be with Lan Zhan?” he spoke in between a sob.
“You! Why can’t you be less stubborn!” Lan Qiren bit out.
“Why do you care? Won't you be happy that I will finally leave? Why can’t I join my husband? Do you fear I will taint him even in afterlife? Can’t you just grant me this? Why are you even here! Do you want to take the last things that belonged to my Lan Zhan away from me too? Kicking me out? Just why?” He could not hold back his anger and contempt. He could not bear parting with his Husband’s memories. He felt something wet trickle down his throat as it felt being torn open again.
His son frantically wiped at his neck and stuffed the area with cloth.
“I don’t- Wei Wuxian! Get a hold of yourself!”
“WHY?? What is there?? You were right! Aren't you happy you were right?? I am tainted! I am tainted Lan Qiren, please leave me lest you all get cursed too... just leave... leave me to be with my zhiji... please.” he begged the man who for one he knew would be happy to leave him. Lan Qiren had never liked him. He would be happy to finally rid of him right?
“Think of your son, you fool! He already lost a parent, do you wish for him to be without both his parents?” Lan Qiren for once was speaking to him without ire in his words. He did not like it. It felt as a false hope. He knew Lan Qiren will turn back to hating him soon. No one who liked him remained anyway. Either they died or lived enough to hate him.
“Just leave.” he rasped out. A sigh and two figures stepped back. “A-Yuan you too. Please"
“No” he shook his head.
“Please, I will not do anything, just for some time. Please...”
A-Yuan stood up hesitantly but got out of the room.
Now, he focused on the person tending to his wounds.
“Why are you here?”
“I missed you, xian-ge.” Wen Ning said softly. Still bandaging his right side. Wei Wuxian just lay there. Staring at the ceiling for a while.
“How is it to be dead, Wen Ning? Does it hurt? Will Lan Zhan be in pain?” he finally broke the silence.
“I wouldn’t know, exactly. But I think Lan-er-gongzi will not be in pain.”
“hm. Good.” that was a relief. He did not want Lan Zhan to be in pain.
From that day on someone would be outside the doors of Jingshi at all times. He still slipped out to sleep with his husband. However, Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen did not make a reappearance.
A few nights later, he woke up to an empty Jingshi while the moon was still high.
He got up. Bichen, wangji and the forehead ribbon still by his side on the bed. The sandalwood scent of the room was starting to fade now. He wanted his Lan Zhan.
He walked towards where his husband worked. A table full of both of their papers stacked neatly. He sifted through them. Caressing his husband’s handwriting and then to review his own papers.
He was working on a new array before all this. He sat down and started writing. His right hand could not hold the brush, so he did it with the broken fingers of his left hand. He wrote and wrote till the sun came up. Lan Zhan would have scolded him. He kept the papers back and climbed back between the sheets on his bed. A-yuan will be here soon.
On the 15th day of Lan Zhan leaving him, there was a knock on the door. It was not A-yuan. Did they finally come to take him out? No, he will not leave. He bunched up all his husband’s favourite things and curled up in the corner of the Jingshi, away from anyone’s sight. A few moments later the door opened. He brought everything closer to his chest.
“Wei Wuxian! What are you doing, hiding like a coward! Come out now!”
Jiang Cheng? No... he did not want to go out. He did not reply.
“Jiang-Xiong, please calm down. Wei Xiong can we have a chat? Please?”
Huaisang was here too. But he knew huaisang was clever. He will not go out.
They stood there for a while. Finally, Jiang Cheng reached the peak of his patience and stormed in. He stopped dead in his track when he saw Wei Wuxian huddled in a corner with his head between his hands and Lan Zhan’s things cradled between his knees and chest.
“Wei Wuxian look up.” he said.
Wei Wuxian shook his head.
“Wei Wuxian! Please.” there was something strange in his former shidi’s voice. He finally looked up. Jiang Cheng sucked in a breath at the sight of him. Nie Huaisang behind him covered his mouth with his hands. The fan clattering to the floor, the sharp sound of it grated on his ears.
“Leave... please.” he said looking at his brother (were they still brothers?) straight in the eyes. This was the only thing he seemed to be able to ask everyone these days.
Jiang Cheng stumbled back a step and then came down to his knees. Wei Wuxian flinched back. Jiang Cheng extended a hand as if to reach for him and he curled up more into himself. Jiang Cheng took his hand back.
“What happened, Wei Wuxian? What happened to you?” he asked with very scared eyes and a soft voice.
“He left Jiang Cheng, you always said that I annoyed him when we were young, he really left now.” Wei Wuxian chuckled; a tear escaped his eyes. It burnt his cheek on its way.
“I know, everyone is here. Why are you in here? Did they lock you up here? Why do you look like this? Did they do this to you? What the hell happened?” He was demanding so many answers. Wei Wuxian did not feel like he could answer all of them.
“He left Jiang Cheng... I wanted to be with him. They did not let me be buried with him... they did not let me die Jiang Cheng.” He sniffled a few more tears and looked at his brother.
His brother was blinking too much. Nie huaisang had closed his eyes behind him.
“Wei Wuxian, what nonsense are you speaking! return to lotus pier with me, this place is not for you.” Jiang Cheng was asking him to do what he so much wanted for the past year but now held no meaning for him. He shook his head.
“No, Jiang Cheng. I destroy everything. You were right, Yu-furen was right. I will wait for Lan Zhan here.” Jiang Cheng shook his head as if to retort but stayed silent. He spotted Sandu held by his brother. “Jiang Cheng can you do me a favour?”
“Tell me.”
“Kill me.”
“WEI WUXIAN!”
“Please.”
“Shut up!!” his brother finally closed the gap between them and bunched the older in a hug, he tried to not too much pressure on his right side.
“You understand it, don’t you? I am cursed A-cheng...” he sniffled into his brother’s shoulder.
“Don’t spew nonsense! Ge, please don’t.” Jiang Cheng’s voice was wet and heavy. He never called him Ge, the first and last time he did was when they were 11 and Wei Wuxian had teased him into it in exchange of taking a blame for him. He held onto his estranged brother and sobbed. A few sniffles came from where Nie Huaisang was standing still. Wei Wuxian drifted off to sleep while crying.
That night he walked to his husband’s closet. He took out his husband’s favorite outer robe again. It was looser than when he wore it last time. He bunched up the fabric around his chest and collected everything his husband held dear. He had made preservation talismans for all of them after the last flowers that Lan Zhan had brought him had started to wilt. A beautiful peach blossom. He put them in Qiankhun pouches sewed in with more preservation talismans and hid them under the floorboard. Only A-yuan knew of this place after him and Lan Zhan. He pulled Chenqing out and tucked it in his robes. Then he took out the papers and put them in his sleeves. He bound his husband’s ribbon on his wrist and whistled. A knock on the window. He opened it to let Wen Ning in.
“You called, Xian-ge?”
“Take me to Burial Mounds.”
“no. I c-can't, please.” Wen Ning said with soft eyes. But he could not be swayed.
“I don’t want to force you Wen Ning. Take me.” He said in a stern tone with fake strength.
Wen Ning was silent for a while but sighed. Weird for someone without a breath. He finally agreed and carried Wei Wuxian out of the Jingshi and Cloud Recesses without anyone discovering them, even with a lot of guests present for the Chief Cultivator’s funeral processions. Wen Ning had gotten good at stealth after all the hiding he did as the ghost general.
Wei Wuxian walked into the demon slaughtering cave and asked Wen Ning to take guard. He took out ChenQing and his notes. He put them down and started drawing an array on the ground with his own blood. It was like the sacrifice Mo Xuanyu had made for him but modified and better. The Person making the sacrifice had to give up his life force and spiritual energy to let a new life take form. The new life will take his body as a base and form atop it into the person whom they were summoning. To tether the soul, he had to use something that belonged to it. The array was complex and even a single mistake could be disastrous. He took his time on drawing each stroke and tome carefully. Finally done he took out the forehead ribbon and pressed a kiss to it. He did not want to part from it but he would gladly give up his life just for his Lan Zhan to come back.
(A/N: similar to what happened in untamed but a little better because you are not calling a malicious spirit and there is n time limit or revenge thing. It will also make the person who comes back have a lot of spiritual energy because of the conversion and storage of it.)
He set the ribbon down on his lap and sat in the middle of the array. He started chanting the incantations for it to work and focused on his core and the resentful energy around him. He knew he was going to die without his Zhiji sooner or later, why not use it to bring him back? He chanted and the first rays of sun flitted through the cave’s entrance breaking the fog that covered burial mounds.
He stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. The resentful energy had gathered inside him to substitute for what he lacked now in spiritual powers. A separate array drawn atop this one would turn the resentful energy into spiritual energy.
Just a little more and he will have enough energy to channel into the array and form a new body and call his Lan Zhan back to it. A stream of blood dropped down his lips and he resumed chanting despite the buzzing in his ears and pain in his body.
He was nearly done, a week since he had left the cloud recesses. the resentful energy invaded every pore of his body and clawed at his sanity, when he heard A-Yuan and Wen Ning having a scuffle at the cave entrance. Soon followed by the voices of a crowd, Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen among them. He could not divert his focus much as it may affect the ritual, so he trusted in Wen Ning. He was nearly done with the ritual and said out the last words just as the array under him glowed and A-Yuan came barreling into the cave followed by his friends and right into the array. Wen Ning followed them closely.
His breath stuttered and heart dropped. He quickly smudged the array under him to somehow undo it or they would be in danger. He erased a few symbols, but it was too late. The array glowed a sinister deep red and covered all of them.
“GO AWAY!”
But his voice fell through the light around him, and he dropped to the ground. His vision was swimming and every bone in his body ached. The now incomplete array could not channel the resentful energy out of him, and it burned through his body. He could feel blood dripping down his ears and nose. He screamed once in pain and shook his head. He needed to get to his son and the juniors and get them out of there.
He crawled towards where the teenagers lay. He struggled with breathing but made it to them and pushed them out of the array. Smudging a few lines as he did so. He had no energy left. The pressure inside and outside his body was keeping him down. It felt as if he was being turned inside out. HAH! How useless! He was going to die here, without doing anything for his husband and even endangering their son. A tear left his eye as he submitted to the pressure. He looked a last time at where his son lay and used whatever resentful energy he could call to farm a ward around the array. Barring anyone from even looking inside. This was his tomb, and he would not let anyone witness it. He thought he deserved this one selfishness. He sniffled a few tears and muffled chokes as he laid there thinking back on how pathetic his life had been till the end. He closed his eyes. His body bent and burnt inside the array’s blinding light.