Chapter Text
Hyuntak has been sulking at Seongje for the past three days, and Seongje is about to burst at the seams trying to understand why. The mental gymnastics he has to do to come up with any reason eat away one brain cell at a time. And according to Hyuntak, god didn't give him more than two of them. Touché.
So, imagine the turmoil and anguish Seongje is experiencing right now. Not the most pleasant activity. He'd rather get punched in the liver than see Hyuntak turn his back to him with the most disgusted look on his face, as if Seongje is a bird poop he steps on, the gooey kind.
And Seongje is not ok with being compared to feces (although the comparison is conjured up by his own mind, but that's not the point).
So, being a true boyfriend that he is, Seongje seeks Yeon Sieun's counsel.
"Why me?" asks Sieun, always very flowery with his words.
Seongje lights up a cigarette and sighs, looking into the distance. "You're the smartest of the bunch."
"Unlike you, I suppose?"
If he weren't Hyuntak's friend, Seongje wouldn't let anyone talk to him so brazenly. However, he kind of understands the hostility - all that drama with the burner phone he orchestrated isn't going to be easily swept away.
"Yes, unlike me," he says through gritted teeth just to appease, "do you know why Hyuntak is ignoring me?"
"No. Why would I?" Sieun fixed his collar. "The class starts in five minutes. You'd better hurry. I don't like being late."
"Any ideas what could work?"
"Have you tried talking to him?"
"Wow, genius. How can I talk to him if he's fucking dodging me like a plague?" Seongje rolled his eyes.
Sieun looks like he's not enjoying the conversation either, his eyebrows furrowed, and his eyes narrowed. What's up with Eunjangs disliking Seongje so much that even his boyfriend deems him unimportant to talk to?
Maybe I should've approached Baku, instead, he thinks, while Sieun remains silent, all while the tension keeps tightening like a bowstring.
"Text him," Sieun replies at last.
"He blocked me."
"It's none of my business then. We never approved of your relationship, so it's for the best," Sieun spits out, annoyed.
The words shouldn't hurt Seongje's feelings - he heard stuff much worse - but they do sting. He never seeks out anyone's validation and approval, but Go Hyuntak is different; their relationship is different. It's only been two months, but it feels like it's been ages.
Being accepted into Hyuntak's friend circle wasn't a top priority. But Seongje forgets that Hyuntak considers them his family. Perhaps, he should've tried more. Instead, he appeared like a storm, sweeping Hyuntak off his feet, while not giving a shit about his friends, and pays them no mind.
Sieun doesn't wait for Seongje to come up with a reply; he swiftly turns on his heels, and just like that, he's gone.
"Fuck you, newbie!" Seongje yells, kicking the gate.
"Hey, that's not nice." A small, but brave voice behind his back makes him whip his head around.
There stand Hyuntak himself and one of his friends. Jutae? Taejun? Who cares. The latter appears to be the one who spoke up earlier.
Seongje doesn't even glance in his direction, his eyes glued to the way Hyuntak's shoulders are slumped, the redness and puffiness of his eyes, and how he refuses to make eye contact with him. With his boyfriend, for god's sake! His blood boils.
The anger and frustration that are pent up in him appear on Seongje's face with a scowl.
"Look at me, Go Hyuntak," he says in a flat tone, void of emotion.
Hyuntak doesn't move an inch, and his lips stay pressed to one another.
"I said fucking look at me! Is it that hard? Can't even form a single sentence now?" Seongje raises his voice, and it makes Hyuntak's friend flinch.
This is what finally gets Hyuntak's attention. He steps in front of the boy, shielding him. And now, finally, his eyes land on Seongje. But instead of softness and adoration, they shine with anger and resentment. Seongje hasn't seen them like this in forever, hasn't been the reason why they well up in a fit of rage.
He's so beautiful.
It's exhilarating, yet Seongje knows what will follow next.
"Leave."
Seongje freezes at the sharpness of Hyuntak's tone. He's never seen him be this blunt towards him ever since they started dating. Then he laughs, loudly and unabashedly, throwing his head back. A huge grin spreads across his face. But his expressions are far from what he's actually feeling inside.
"Let's break up," Seongje says plainly, licking his lips.
For a second, he sees a flash of hurt appear in Hyuntak's now wide-open eyes, but maybe he's mistaken, because Hyuntak immediately nods as though he's been waiting for this, his gaze averted.
Another fit of laughter erupts from Seongje, which makes him crinkle his eyes.
What a shit show.
"Come on, Juntae-yah," Hyuntak's gentle voice reaches his ears, and the yearning in Seongje's chest grows heavier and heavier.
When Seongje opens his eyes, there is no one standing in front of him anymore.
He wants to scream, but no sounds come out of his mouth. He wants to punch the walls until he sees his own bones, but Hyuntak doesn't let him do that. Didn't let him do that.
As soon as the last words leave Seongje's lips, he wants to take them back.
Please, let's not break up, let's never break up!
But he doesn't stop Hyuntak from leaving. Seongje stares at Hyuntak's back, at his arm slung over his friend's shoulder, stares as his first love disappears behind the school's front door.
Sometimes, Seongje wishes he could cut his own tongue out. Speaking before thinking is his curse. No. Losing what he should've cherished is his curse.
A tiny raindrop lands on his cheek, and he lifts his head. Seongje never cries, but today is an exception.
He lets the rain hide his true feelings.