Chapter Text
Seele had been sure there was nothing on the new world that could take her by surprise.
After all, she's seen a lot in her lifetime, even if she's never left Belobog. Fought the legions of Destruction, helped to end a stellaron crisis, faced a giant mechanized warrior, help set the underground free. Yeah, there's a whole universe out there, but how much can it offer compared to all that?
Leaving the planet was definitely a shock, to be sure. Seeing the stars take over outside the window of the Astral Express, the lights soaring past, other ships flying by, it was all breathtaking. For a person who spent most of their life under ground, there's still nothing like seeing the sky up close and personal.
But as for another world, well, planet's a planet, right? Bunch of rocks, a little water, throw in some people, civilization and a few robots, mix for flavor. It can't be that different from home. You can only do so much with ground and buildings after all.
Of course, that was before she saw the giant stone god holding the shiny glowing orb the size of the guardian robot.
Seele hears everyone's surprise before she sees it herself: Pela's gasp, Luka's exclamation of shock. She turns to see everyone running for the windows, even the Trailblazer, who has to have seen all this a dozen times before. They're finally coming in on the planet rather than hovering overhead, and the ground below has come into view.
Luka whistles, metal hand pressed against the glass. "That's - incredible!"
There really is no other word for it, Seele thinks. The train passes through the shadow the giant casts, painting them all black for the blink of an eye as they come in for a landing. Seele keeps staring out the window, as the giant grows more distant yet no smaller.
It's... huge. And not even a machine. If this is the opening act, then what in the world is Amphoreus going to have waiting for them? The thought is alarming, and its what makes Seele finally drag her eyes away from the window towards the train's opening door.
A kernel of anxiety tightens her throat, the hands on her hips gripping tighter, and she swallows.
She hadn't wanted to be the one going on this trip; but they needed a heavy hitter around, just in case, and Gepard was down for the count after a few too many long shifts on the front line. Sending Bronya would be way too risky so, as is the case whenever everybody else on Belobog is busy, the last resort is: send Seele.
She's always been the go to gal for problems nobody else has the time, energy, or capability to solve. Need rare supplies from a dangerous zone? Fighting a deadly monster and need more firepower? Want someone menacing to loom over your shoulder at council meetings? Those are Seele's bread and butter.
Acting as one of the representatives for Belobog's first inter-space peace treaty? Well... no. That's really not something she's keen to be part of, just not her scene. Pela makes sense, she's part of the guard, close to Bronya, skilled with record keeping and intelligent. Luka makes sense, he's friendly and well known outside Belobog, and he can hold his own in a fight. And even Sampo, that asshole, makes sense as part of this team. That sly jerk is a smooth talker, he's smart and quick on his feet and he does have Belobog's best interests in mind, most of the time.
Seele is the odd one out, and it grates at her nerves to know it.
The train comes to a halt on a long stone walkway outside the walls of town. Even the road is intimidating, bigger and longer than anything she's ever seen, overlooking a drop down to a huge lake - a lake! - with stripes of rainbow stretching out across the sky. It's a fairy tale come to life, not just because of the giant stone god or the rainbow roads but, for Belobog, just being a city without snow.
"Wow!" Pela's already peeling off a layer, removing the uniform jacket that Seele's never seen her without. Luka looks just as amazed. Sampo, for some reason, just looks smug, but maybe that's his default expression. It irritates her so Seele looks away before she can give in to the urge to punch.
The Trailblazer is ahead of the pack, beaming ear to ear as they spin round to gesture to the group, arms outstretched.
"Welcome to Okhema!"
The problem is, Belobog needs a win.
Sure, the end of the Eternal Winter was great, absolutely. No more impending apocalyptic demise? Love that. In the long term, it means Belobog has a future again, can connect with the worlds outside its borders, can start to push back and reclaim its history and its lands.
In the short term? Mostly, it meant everything started to get a little less cold.
They are still a people shoved into one corner of the world, one city and its under city. Still a people deeply reliant on geomarrow to survive, a material that is getting rarer by the day. Still surrounded on all sides by an enemy eating away at their borders, transforming their own kin, their bodies and memories, into monsters to turn against them.
Resources and supplies are scarce. Their people stretched thin, their front lines near collapsing. In the years since the Trailblazers visited their planet, things have gotten better - much better - but very little has been solved.
Sure, a lot of these problems could have been solved, pretty easy, if they let the IPC sweep in and take control. Get rid of the monsters, bring in new supplies, find new sources of geomarrow (or a whole new way to keep the city warm). But that meant bowing down to the IPC, or at the least, owing them big time. It wasn't a viable solution, and Bronya rightfully turned it down.
The Xianzhou Luofu was better, but... still. The whole reason they got the deal with the Luofu was basically pity, or maybe guilt. Luka worked his ass off on the universal stage and put Belobog on the map, and the Luofu's general was impressed by his spirit, enough to send Belobog aid. And Seele will never not be grateful for the chance to eat something that wasn't potatoes, stew, or potatoes in stew.
But it's still not a solution. They can't become a citizen of the universe while totally reliant on another culture for their survival. Every deal with the IPC and the Xianzhou is very one sided, the bigger entity giving the smaller one a hand out. They can't risk taking too much or becoming indebted too deeply, and they can't offer enough to receive what they really need.
Then, there's Amphoreus.
Seele still vividly remembers the day Bronya came bursting into her apartment in the under city, one of the few times the Guardian had actually come down to see her. It was almost always the other way around - just too much to do upstairs. Besides, it was far easier for Seele to slip into guard headquarters unnoticed than it was for Bronya to wander the under city.
But that day, too excited to wait, Bronya had nearly sprinted the whole of the city from her office to reach Seele, her phone clutched tight in her hand, pointing manically at the screen as Seele answered the fervent knocking at her door.
"They did it! They're back!" She gasped, out of breath, the expression on her face almost blinding in its joy.
Who's back, she almost asked, but then she took the phone and started reading. She remembered the name, Amphoreus, and after scanning the article it came back to her: that incident two years ago, the sentient computer or whatever that needed help putting its memories back together. The Trailblazer made it into a book, and Bronya had the printers mass produce it and practically hand it out for free on the street - not that she needed to, when the first batch vanished quick and the second was sold out in minutes.
Seele would not be surprised if this planet's return wasn't half because of Lynx, Bronya, and the rest of Pela's little book club. Picking up Bronya at the end of the meetings, Seele'd always hear them chatting about whatever work they were currently obsessed with, and the Amphoreus story was a big one for a long time. It was all "Phaidei proves love is real" and "Anaxa and Aglaea have big divorced but raising the kids together energy" and a bunch of other stuff that went right over Seele's head.
Sure, she read it. Sorta. Skimmed the chapters and glanced at the ending. Look it was a very long, very dense book full of philosophy and smart people talking about smart things and Seele just had too much to do in the day to torture herself slogging through it. Sorry, Trailblazer, she tried.
The Guardian and her circle of assistants had been interested in Amphoreus since the day the Trailblazer told them about it. A world ravaged by the Destruction, one deeply damaged and in need of repair, new to the outside universe and looking for help. It was practically like looking in the mirror. The bad part was, they couldn't really reach out to them then, given the whole "computer rebooting itself" thing. But as a long term goal, reaching out to Amphoreus wasn't a bad idea.
They were on the same playing field. New to the universe, injured and still putting their broken pieces back together. One had resources - a big ole world of food, weapons, raw materials and goods that Belobog could buy. The other has technology, tech that by most of the universe's standards is quite literally centuries behind, but for Amphoreus? The world that never reached the outside? For all that the place is a literal computer, the people's understanding of their tech seems to be stuck on magic and gods. They don't know much about how it works in a modern sense.
Belobog has mechs, they have modern communication devices, computers, tablets, you name it. Sure, the models are all hundreds of years old and a bit worn down, but they ought to do something for the Amphoreans still living in the dark ages.
Least, that's what Bronya's hoping for.
"We have to step out on our own," She'd said that day, after a long, excited conversation about the return of the lost world and the possibilities it presented. "Relying on others will only get us so far. If Belobog is going to survive, we have to do it ourselves."
"How's talking to these guys 'doing it ourselves'?" Seele had snorted. She'd never really been as eager as everyone else to run out into the universe. She was still getting used to seeing stars overhead.
"We need trade partners. Real ones." The other woman sighed, shoulders slumped. "To prove to the universe we have value to offer, that we don't just take, we give. Amphoreus can do that for us. It can be the planet we help save, to prove how far we've come."
Okay, put it like that, and she got it. That still didn't mean she was happy to be going there.
"This is going to be a disaster."
"Ah, come on," An arm comes around her shoulder; Seele tenses, and only at the last minute does she realize that she's not currently allowed to shove Sampo off her and body slam him into the floor. Reputations and all that. Narrowed eyes glare up at the tall man as the two of them trail behind the others, walking through Okhema.
"It'll be fine," He sweeps his other arm out, gesturing at the market they're walking through, the crowds of strange people in stranger clothes. "Relax! You're on a new planet! The first of your people! Get excited, have a little fun!"
Scoffing, Seele subtly pulls away, and Sampo thankfully takes the hint, arm dropping. "Since we got here, Luka has tried to punch at least three of those giant helmeted guys," The woman points ahead at the red head, who is indeed beaming at yet another towering figure, standing guard outside the baths.
"And Pela," Seele grimaces, watching as the shorter girl stares, shocked and awed, at the people coming and going from the bath house they are currently about to enter. "I think she's gonna pass out if any more half naked men walk in front of her."
"Amphoreans really aren't fond of clothes, are they?" Sampo chuckles.
The group is composed primarily of Belobogians - Seele, Sampo, Pela, and Luka - with the addition of the Trailblazer leading the way, and a quiet Dan Heng hanging behind. It was thanks to the Astral Express that the two planets were able to connect at all, and the only reason these meetings were going ahead in the first place. Normally, that would comfort Seele, but this time she's uncertain where the duo's loyalties lie.
Maybe she never finished the book, but she's heard the stories, and she can see the people staring in awe and wonder at the two of them. If they were heroes on Belobog, they might as well be gods here. Will they take one planet's side over the other? She doesn't think so, but it's a possibility she can't ignore.
"Over here!"
The shout and the Trailblazer's arm waving madly catches Seele's attention; they're standing just inside the "bath house" which is a concept Seele can barely fathom. An entire building dedicated to hot water? The amount of geomarrow it would take to build such a place and keep it warm, not to mention the water... it's a mad concept, and it doesn't get more believable as they step inside.
"It's just like the book said!" Pela seems a little in love with it, if the starry eyes are any sign. She's quieter than usual, sliding up closer to Seele. It's clear, for all her excitement, that she's nervous, and it makes Seele's guard dog hackles rise. Her hands go back to her hips, and she steps closer to the smaller girl.
"You gonna try the baths out?" She asks on a whim, and grins at the flush that rushes to Pela's face.
"O - Oh no, I - I couldn't!"
"Why not?" The Trailblazer takes that moment to return, a newcomer by their side. "Yeah, it's a little weird at first, but once you get used to it, seriously. So relaxing. And you guys probably haven't had a warm bath in your life, right?"
"That's a shame." The new arrival, a tall blonde woman, seems genuinely disappointed by the idea. "Had I known, I would have prepared the private baths for our introduction. I will gladly see it is made available for you once our conversations are at an end."
Right. Straightening her back, Seele takes a quiet breath. This is definitely somebody important around here. Time to get serious. She steps forward, trying to remember all the advice Bronya gave her about how to act, what to say -
"This is Aglaea!" The Trailblazer grabs the blonde's arm and pulls her in tight, a little too friendly, before reaching out to grab Seele's hand and pull her closer, too. "She's kinda a big deal around here. Not as much as she used to be since the Chrysos Heirs aren't technically in charge anymore, but - anyway, and this is Seele!"
"Uh, hi." The very relaxed introduction has her on the wrong foot, but that's fine. It's not her fault. She can tell Bronya she did her very best, but the Trailblazer was there and who could blame her for letting that menace take charge of things? It was bound to happen anyway.
Thankfully, the blonde - Aglaea - seems amused by the kid's relaxed, understated way of getting over the barrier of "this is the first time either of our civilizations have officially met aliens, how do you say hello?" More introductions happen as they walk, passing through the baths to get to their actual meeting place. Seele does her best not to let her eyes linger, but it's kinda hard not to.
"Holy shit," Luka, less subtle than her, lets his surprise escape his mouth, then yelps when Seele punches him in the back.
"Try to act a little less like a rube!" She angry whispers.
"Surprised you know the word rube." He angry whispers back, then yelps again at the severe pinch on his side that gets him. "Seriously, are you seeing this? This is - this is crazy!"
"Yes, I see it!" She hisses. Damn, she feels it. The air is thick and heavy with steam, its moist and wet and hot and how the hell is this just a thing this planet has? Every day, all the time? Anxious eyes dart across the water and just for a second she catches sight of the crowd of people - just as many as might fill Belobog's courtyards on a decent day - all of them near naked or absolutely, completely naked. Bits out and everything.
Seele is not easily embarrassed, but yeah, she is blushing a bit. Apparently it's amusing to Sampo, who has started chuckling behind her.
"We just have to make it through here," She whispers, tugging Luka along, trying to make him face forward. "It has to be better on the other side."
Unfortunately, that does not prove to be the case.
"You have got to be kidding me,"
The garden is the first thing that takes her by surprise. A garden. A real one, not something from a photo or holovid or an artistic rendering. The sudden shift from the warm air of the baths to the soft, gentle breeze rustling across the grass is enough to take her breath away. The others are just as stunned - Pela can't help but stumble forward, kneeling to touch grass, even as Seele swipes forward and grabs at her.
"We are supposed to be ambassadors!" She whispers, thankful that the Trailblazer and Aglaea seem distracted catching up with each other. "We have got to stop acting like children in a candy store!"
"Seele, you can't be serious," Luka's voice is quiet (for him) but he sounds incredulous. "Just look at this place! Everything - this is impossible!" He's laughing, a hand on his forehead, turning to face the garden, only to go suddenly still, wide eyed, frozen in place.
Oh, no, Seele thinks, what has he seen now? What could possibly be next? She gets a hint at the squeak that escapes from Pela, who's now standing, having slapped her hands over her mouth. And ... is that a nose bleed?
Dread fills Seele's heart as she turns, and sees what it is that has finally rendered her cohort quiet.
"Oh, come on," She groans, a hand smacking her face. "What is with this planet and clothes?"
Specifically, not wearing them; because that's what this new comer is doing, rather pointedly. There's a red cloak draped over his back and one shoulder but it does hardly anything to cover the bronzed, muscled torso he's displaying to the world. His muscular arms are bare, too, save for some wicked looking armor, and even Seele - massive lesbian that she is - can admit that this is a devastatingly good looking man.
"I'm gonna fight him," Luka says suddenly, moving to step forward, and - is he having a nose bleed too?!
"No!" She grabs the man's arm, then grabs Pela in case the girl gets any ideas, either. "We are going to stop. We are going to be normal. We are going to get this deal signed without embarrassing Belobog or so help me Architects - !"
The others stare at her; Seele feels more eyes burning into her back, and her face colors. Slowly, she turns to see the gathered group finally having fallen quiet, just in time to hear her outburst loud and clear. She freezes, repressing the instinct to teleport away to anywhere but here.
The silence is broken by an amused snort from Mr. Muscles, and the tension snaps. The Trailblazer breaks into laughter, too, and old habit has Seele walking up to punch them in the arm. She's horrified for half a second until she realizes that nobody's bothered by it. In fact, if the expressions of the others are any sign, the whole scene seems more relaxed.
Huh. Who knew? Being weird and violent seems to work for these people.
The guy with the muscles is Mydeimos, and he might be Luka's new best friend. Not five minutes pass before the shorter red head manages to sidle up to the taller one, and before Seele can notice, goads him into a fight. (It does not appear to take much). By the time she realizes what's happening, Mydei has Luka in a choke hold, face shoved into the dirt, and the smaller man seems thrilled about it.
Seele thinks about intervening for all of two seconds before deciding Luka is no longer her problem, and goes back to drinking and chatting with Aglaea.
The meeting - if it can be called anything so formal - is really more of a breaking of the ice, mostly composed of friends Dan Heng and the Trailblazer wanted to introduce them to. Yes, they're all pretty important people, but none of them are so worried about appearances or reputations as Seele had been afraid of. They're pretty chill, actually.
Pela has spent most of the meeting with her new buddy, Castorice, petting the little cat like creatures that fill the garden. They are cute, Seele can admit, watching one of them toddling over to Pela's treat filled hands.
Business is for tomorrow, apparently, according to Aglaea. Yes, there will be serious conversations, and there will be talks with old fogeys and assholes who want to get everything they can and give nothing in return. Political types, the usual. Everything Seele was worried about is coming, but it turns out they have more allies around than she'd thought. It's a nice surprise.
The "meeting" comes to a relaxed and easy end, with Aglaea offering them all access to the baths - all the Belobogians give an anxious yet polite "oh fuck no" to that idea, even Sampo - before walking them to the part of town they'll be staying in. The group drifts off, leaving Mydei, Aglaea, and the Trailblazer as they come to the Belobogian's courtyard.
It's a nice place, if nothing like anything Seele's used to. Everything's so... open to the sky. There are few walls between rooms, every space is connected, with big windows and plants in every corner. Seating is primarily on the floor, with blankets and cushions surrounding low tables. Seele's really never thought so hard about her home world before, but it's occurring to her how much of their lives have been dictated by cold. The way their houses are built, how their homes are arranged.
Luka takes the lead into the house, checking it out first - he might be a goofball, but he's as serious about their safety as Seele is - while Pela follows behind more sedately. She seems tired after the long, social day; Seele can see a yawn building on the girl's face. Sampo's already gone, having slipped around a corner on the road, surely off to do crime, somewhere. (She's already warned Aglaea. The blonde's not worried. Apparently the city already has experience with cat burglars).
Seele is the last to arrive, hesitating in the yard, trying to think of how to say goodnight politely to her hosts. It's as she's turning that she hears the tail end of the others' conversation.
"... how's he doing?"
She hesitates; half turned, not fully facing the group behind her. Surely they all know she's there, they know she can hear, but somehow it feels impolite to show just how much a part of the conversation she is. Because the Trailblazer's voice is tense with worry, with fear, a voice she's familiar with after all the time the alien has spent fighting on Belobog.
"He's alive," Mydei sighs, voice heavy. Though the words sound dismissive, something in the tone sounds otherwise. Something like... relief.
"It can be a difficult task to find him, some days." Aglaea continues for him, her own voice tight with worry. "The... adjustment to day and night has been a struggle for him. While I am certain he is in the city, he is not always... his old self."
Seele takes the pieces of the puzzle and puts them together to make the only image they can. Someone the Trailblazer knows, a friend, a team mate. Someone having trouble adjusting, struggling, not "his old self". She may not know the circumstances, she may not have read that book, but she knows what words like that mean.
Heavy bags under the eyes, struggling in the middle of the night. A friend who can't leave their room, can't un-see the blood on their hands, can't un-hear the screams.
Bronya called it PTSD. Seele had never had a word for it before, but she had known it all the same, everyone in the underground had. Natasha dealt with it constantly, in the miners who were forced to return to work after monsters killed their friends; in the soldiers who fought to defend the civilians against a threat that never ended. Even on the surface, Gepard and his men were constantly under endless pressure, struggling to survive against a menace no person should have to face.
Since learning the word, Seele's been pretty sure her whole damn planet has 'PTSD'.
So, even out here, on another world, where there's no snow and no cold, people struggle and suffer and try to survive. She knew that, of course. But the proof of it - that even this difficult thing, this pain from within, happens this far away from home - somehow it humanizes this alien world she finds herself in. It makes her heart ache. Makes her think of the dozens of people she's seen struggle with it, makes her think of Bronya, of herself -
I know I can't fully understand what you've been through. But I'm here for you. Whatever you need.
Of Bronya, and the long dark nights, the days when the world was just too heavy to carry alone, and only being with her made getting through the day a possibility.
Seele wonders who this man is, and who might be helping him get through the day.
The real meeting with the Okheman politicians is just as terrible as Seele knew it would be.
At first, it's a little overwhelming, given how strange it all is. The meeting place is a huge arena outside, in the open air; Seele's never seen such a huge gathering place, so many people just out in the sun, together. Every time she sees something similar in Okhema she can't help but remember the small, shivering crowds in Belobog, the people bundled up tight, always rushing to their destination to get out of the cold.
It hardens her resolve, to work towards a future like this, for her people.
Another difference is how the government works, which is apparently not at all. Every person gets a vote, or most people, maybe. People with land? The whole crowd is not, in fact, just there to watch but to participate. Every one of them gets to have some input and by the third hour of strangers yelling about how Amphoreus needs nothing from the sky, well, she's pretty tired of democracy.
She can't believe she's come around to the idea of keeping the Guardian system, but, well. Bronya is definitely better than this.
(The fact that it's Bronya, and not some rich out of touch asshole, well. Maybe that's what makes all the difference. Seele will never tell her that.)
By the fifth hour, Seele is ready to teleport out of there, consequences be damned. Thankfully, its about then that the meeting breaks for lunch, with absolutely nothing accomplished as far as Seele can tell.
"This is terrible," She groans, a hand rubbing her forehead. "I thought talking to them would be the hard part but listening to all of that - aeons, I'm exhausted."
"Yeah, uh," Luka clears his throat. "I'm not sure I remember anything that just happened."
Me neither, she almost says, but then Aglaea is walking up to them, and Seele is still trying to pretend to be a competent ambassador in front of the incredibly competent, beautiful, and talented woman.
(Yes, Aglaea is beautiful. Seele has eyes, okay, and if those eyes linger sometimes, well, who can blame her? Certainly not Bronya. Seele knows her girlfriend is just as guilty of a wandering gaze whenever Himiko visits.)
"I apologize if that was overly taxing." The woman's expression is knowing, as if she too would love to roll her eyes and walk away from it all if she could. "Perhaps a meal will aid you in your recovery?"
"It'll definitely help," Luka grins, always eager to eat, and Seele's about to agree with them before she turns and lets out a groan. The red head spins. "What's wrong?"
"Sampo!" The four of them had been standing as a group, on the edge of the arena, but now there's a Sampo shaped empty space where the bastard used to be. Grimacing, Seele turns back to the group. "You guys go on ahead. I've gotta find that idiot before he causes us any real trouble." She'd already warned him the night before after he snuck away the first time - no causing trouble on Amphoreus. But of course the bastard just can't listen to reason!
Sure, she doesn't think he means ill, but he's also a gremlin that thinks with his wallet and not his brain, and is all too eager to screw everyone if it meets getting one over on somebody else. He's a con man at heart, and while he might not think he's taking too big a risk, any risk is too much for this trip. Seele's gonna find him, and beat that into his thick skull, right now.
So she waves the group off and vanishes, teleporting away towards the nearest rooftop. She hears gasps and shouts of surprise around her - not good, if she's drawing attention there's no way she'll get the drop on Sampo. But it might be a lost cause, she realizes, since her appearance and method of travel are both pretty strange on Amphoreus.
Damn it. She's gonna have to walk.
Still crossing the rooftops, Seele breaks into a run, eyes scanning the road looking for a tall menace with blue hair. She's really not convinced she's going to find him - this city is huge, and Sampo is a master of sneaking, when he wants to be. Still, she's fast, she's got sharp eyes, and if she wanders enough she's sure to come across something. He can't hide forever.
Two hours, that's how long it takes to catch the scent. It's just a trace, a hint of the bastard's footsteps - a message the man left behind for her, on purpose.
"I'm gonna wring his neck," She mutters aloud, gripping the paper tight enough it tears.
Times like these, its good to make new friends! :D Oh, she's going to rip that man's head off. Playing with her, now of all times, when Belobog's future is on the line -
Wait, there's more to the message. A symbol... her eyes narrow, and she frowns. The sun? What the hell? What does that have to do with anything? Fuming, she tosses the note aside and leaps, back to the rooftops, scanning the horizon for another hint, but she sees something else.
There's another person on the roof. Not that that's strange, many of the city's rooftops are actually meant for people, designed as gathering places. But no one else is on the actual roof, like she is, just this one guy. Sitting on the edge of a four story building, legs hanging over the side, staring into the setting sun.
And... Seele's eyes narrow. His neck has a tattoo of a sun on it. She glances back towards the letter she just tossed aside, and can't shake the feeling this isn't a coincidence. Just what is Sampo up to?
Thing is, he's a smart guy. A selfish jerk, but also, sometimes, a well meaning, selfish jerk. The thing about Sampo is, he really does do a lot of good, he just does it in the most self serving, shitty way. She knows that the reason the Astral Express crew got involved with her planet has a lot to do with Sampo. The reason she met Bronya, that was Sampo too. So the guy can do some good once in a while, when he cares to.
So why is he trying to make her talk to this guy?
Well, she thinks, giving in with a sigh. There's really only one way to find out.
Everything should be good now. Isn't that how its supposed to be?
These are the thoughts that resonate in Phainon's mind, nearly every hour of every day. Every morning when he wakes up in a world where the people he loves are safe, the places he holds dear are protected. Every afternoon as he walks the city streets and sees smiles, sees happy faces and people from all walks of life, all the cities of the world, living together peacefully. Every night when he returns home and locks the doors and covers his eyes and tells himself, everything is fine. This is how its supposed to be.
So why isn't he fine?
Why can't he ... why can't he just...
The situation on Amphoreus is a strange one. He knows that. The Chrysos Heirs had it all explained to them by the Trailblazer, Dan Heng, and March 7th, when they first came to visit the Eternal Page. As a world created from a program running countless times, its hard to really say what Amphoreus "is". The people in the program die and are reborn, but they never really stop existing, they are always available in the code as data.
So when the world is created, who will be born, and how? Will every generation manifest at the same time, or will the planet complete a "cycle", placing every life in the same position it was in the original program? For that matter, how will they live? Without the black tide, will they be immortal, like their ancestors were?
Will there still be gods, since the black tide no longer exists to corrupt them? Will the recreated world resemble an Amphoreus never touched by the black tide, or will it be a carbon copy of the Amphoreus they knew when Irontomb was finally defeated?
They just didn't know. There were scientists on the outside trying to figure it all out, trying to help build the future of Amphoreus, but so much of it was shrouded in mystery. Only time would tell.
All of that was fine with Phainon.
Life, any life, was a precious gift. To escape the cycles, to be given a chance to live without the burden of the black tide or a terrible, crushing fate... for his people to be free. That's all he wanted. And if it meant being reborn, forgetting everything, that was fine. If it meant carrying the weight of the past, remembering it, that was fine, too. Whatever brought Amphoreus some peace.
Two years, and the Eternal Page opened its doors, finally completing its transformation into "Amphoreus". What would life be like now? Would they be as immortal as their ancestors? Would the damage of the black tide be erased? Were the demi-gods still divine? So many questions to answer, so much to do.
Phainon was a little overwhelmed by it all, unsure himself, but he had the answer to at least one question.
Would the people of Amphoreus remember?
The answer for most, was no. Not entirely. They remember the black tide, the gods, the tragedies of the recent cycles, but even that is a faded memory, a distant dream. Most people carry little of the past life with them beyond the memory that a "past life" once existed. It is a fact that their entire world has changed, but for most people, that change is a distant, untouchable thing. It's not real to them.
For the Heirs, its a different story. They were gods, for a time. Divine beings who carried the memories and experiences of millions of past selves. All of them have some memory of those lives within them, but only some. Outside of divinity, carrying 33 million existences would be near impossible. The very first life, and the very last seem to be clearest for them, with a few exceptions.
Phainon should be the same as the others. He should.
Certainly, his situation is... unique. He no longer carries so many coreflames within him, but some changes are permanent. That blazing inferno, that power, never truly left him; he can feel it, burning at the edges of his mind, whenever he takes a breath. That fire, coursing through his heart, setting him ablaze, its never far out of reach.
But like the others, he is no longer fully "divine". Not quite a demi-god, not quite a human. He has memories, pieces of a long, arduous past, of a life that spanned four million years before finally burning out. Of an existence spent on a relay race, passing his memories forward again, and again, and -
Yes, he remembers. Some of it.
At night, those broken pieces haunt his mind. When he closes his eyes, his mind remembers. The burning. The rage. The emptiness. The way he felt nothing taking the lives of his friends over, and over, and over again. That was almost better than remembering the few times that killing them actually hurt.
When he wakes, sometimes his face is wet with tears, his bed soaked in sweat; sometimes, he can smell sulfur, can feel the itch of flame as his skin begins to crack and his bed nearly catches alight. Some days, he's normal, he can walk about Okhema with no one the wiser; and some days, he hides, keeps out of the light, to keep those who know him from seeing the brightness of his hair, the cracks in his skin. The signs he can't hide.
He loves them, so dearly, his friends. His people. Tribios, her kind heart and gentle soul, how playful and exuberant she's become, moreso now as an adult than she ever was as a mob of unruly children. Aglaea, her determination, her perseverance, the patience with which she weaves her designs. Professor Anaxa, his ruthless intellect and keen wit, the stubborn way he clung to social barriers between them even as he treated them all as family, anyway.
And Mydeimos. Oh, Mydeimos.
He still remembers their first real reunion, once the Eternal Page had been rewritten into the real world. Everything felt different, there was a weight, a heaviness to it that was just more - real. Like waking from a dream. They'd never been apart during that long wait in the Eternal Page and yet being alive again, and reuniting, it felt different.
It felt wonderful. The light in his eyes, the smile on his face, the deep rumble of his voice and the laughter as they grasped each other, arms intertwined. The light of the sun on them. The warmth of a new dawn.
"It's tomorrow," Phainon had whispered, voice nearly hoarse. "It's finally here,"
And Mydei, his beloved Mydeimos, had leaned away from him, lifted his hands to cradle Phainon's face, and - and Phainon had looked down, to see gold blood pouring from a wound in the man's chest, gold blood falling from his lips, gold blood on the floor - on his hands -
He nearly screamed. Until he realized no one else was reacting, no one else was seeing what he saw, and - and Mydeimos, holding him so gently with those hands, Mydeimos whom he had killed, betrayed -
...
..
.
The new world had finally arrived, and everyone was fine.
So why wasn't he?
"Hey."
The stranger on the roof jumps, taken by surprise, and his surprise surprises her. Seele manages not to react, though she does tense a little, until the man blinks, staring at her. After a long stunned silence, his eyes seem to clear and he leaps to his feet, suddenly a different man.
"Ah, hello!" A bright smile is on his face, one that doesn't reach his eyes. "You must be one of the Belobogians. My apologies. I was meant to greet you upon your arrival but - well, I've been - preoccupied." The excuse slows down to a stumbling halt, as the man seems to realize how flimsy it is.
If he's busy, why's he sitting here staring at the sky? Not that it's really her business.
"You're one of the Trailblazer's friends?" Seele asks, hand on her hip. Sharp eyes watch him blink again, surprised for a second time, but he covers it up quickly.
"Ah, yes. My name is -" He clears his throat. "You can call me... Khaslana."
Yeah, that's weird. Seele thinks to herself, eyes narrowed. People who stumble over their own name that much are usually trying to come up with a fake one, but she can't figure out why this guy wouldn't want her to know his name. If he's friends with the Trailblazer, it'd be easy to figure out who he really is. So what's his game?
"Seele." She replies, stepping closer. After a moment's hesitation she decides: fuck it. And sits down, next to the spot Khaslana is standing on. The taller man blinks, staring down at her. "You gonna sit down or not?"
He sits. Tense, back straight, staring at her as if trying to figure out why, exactly, she's shoved herself into his personal space. She's not sure exactly why, either, but she's got this gut feeling she just can't shake. She can't stop thinking about that overheard conversation the other day, and the look in this guy's eyes...
"So. Khaslana." She says the second word pointedly, leaning back onto her arms. "Tell me about your world. What's so great about it?" The words are sharp, almost a little mean, but they aren't really meant to be. Khaslana doesn't seem offended, either; he snorts, laughing a little before his shoulders finally relax, arms lowering to his side.
"That's hard to say. Can anyone summarize a world so easily?"
"I can." She shrugs, then starts counting on her fingers. "Dark. Freezing. Full of monsters." Her arm falls back down. Khaslana looks concerned by her description but she's unbothered by it. Seele knows exactly what Belobog is - a frozen hellhole. Her frozen hellhole.
"I presume you're speaking of your home?"
"Yup." She pops the 'p', turns away from the man to stare at the sky. It is really very pretty. "Nothing like this place. You'd never see a sunset like that," She gestures ahead of them. "Even when it isn't snowing, the sky is always grey, clouds as far as the eye can see. And that's up top." Her gaze shifts back to the other man.
"As opposed to?" He looks curious, head tilted thoughtfully. Something's lit up in his eyes, a bit of life that wasn't there before.
"Underground. That's where I grew up." The roof is really not that comfortable; Seele pulls up a leg, hugs it to her chest, trying to get better situated. "Half the city's underground, where the mines are. You'd think it'd be warmer that way, but nope." Not when most of the city's geomarrow was funneled up top. Or at least, it was. "It's freezing, dark, cramped, wet, and full of mold." She frowns a little, remembering apartments with gunk growing on the ceiling and floors that warped and creaked with the seasons.
"Yet, you sound so fond of the place." Khaslana's voice is soft.
"Of course. It's home." Turns back to him. "What about you? Where's home at?"
His eyes soften further, before he turns to look out to the sky. That way, the sun tattoo - or birth mark? - on his neck is fully visible again. It suits him. "Aedes Elysiae." He says the words with a sigh. "A small farming town, far from here. Or, it was. Perhaps it is? I'm still not sure." He chuckles a little.
"Right. Weird computer reboot." She remembers hearing some of the details of how that "reboot" would change this world, but she definitely didn't understand most of it. "What's it like?"
"Wheat fields. As far as the eye can see. And the chiming of bells..." His thoughts are growing weirdly disjointed, almost broken. Technically he's replying to her words but he sounds lost in his own head. When he goes silent, Seele lifts a hand and snaps in front of his face. The man jumps.
"Still there Space Cadet?" She snorts at the surprise on his face. "Spending too much time alone on rooftops."
"I suppose you're right." He chuckles a little, sounding tired. Another sigh. "I simply... don't know what else to do with myself." Then his eyes widen - clearly he hadn't meant to be that honest - and lifts his eyes to stare at her.
Seele blinks, staring back. What's he waiting for? Like she cares what he does with his life. Yet he really seems bothered, like he's waiting for judgment or something. Ugh, this is so much trouble.
"You live around here, right?" She says, breaking the strange silence. Khaslana finally blinks, before slowly nodding. "Right. I'm recruiting you for Belobog." She grabs his arm and pulls, standing up, and he's taken aback enough to not react before she's half dragging him along.
"I - for what?"
"You're our new tour guide." She grins, amused by her own ideas. This will work, she thinks. They'll have someone to keep them in line around town and this guy can stop moping on rooftops. Win, win.
"Everyone, say hello to Khaslana!"
Phainon's really not sure how this happened.
Most days, he has the same routine. He tries to be as present around Okhema as he can be, on his good days (to make up for how absent he is, most of the time). He helps with rebuilding, with organizing the town and managing resources; now that the entire population of the world, across centuries, is living in Okhema and around its outskirts, there's more to be done than ever, and enough to keep him busy for years without ever running into the other Chrysos Heirs.
On bad days, he stays home; on really bad ones, he leaves town. Looks for remnants of the Legion or the Black Tide - pieces of the programming that were brought over, leftovers that haven't been fully purged - and he destroys them. Unleashes the flames within and burns, lets the fire rise and rise until everything turns to ash. Once it dies, once the pain is under control and the burning is kept beneath his skin, he slips back into Okhema, back into hiding among his own people.
He does see the others, sometimes. Manages to have a conversation, to make eye contact, sometimes without reliving their gruesome deaths at his hands.
Most days, he can't.
Most days, they don't even have to be there, Phainon can turn a corner and just see, suddenly, Mydei's body bleeding out on the ground where he was killed in a cycle millions of years ago, or Aglaea, or Castorice, or -
So. He tries to avoid them. Tries to keep busy, tries to fake a smile and keep from worrying anyone, anymore than he already has. He knows he's not doing a good job. Knows they're all concerned, that they're talking about him when he's not around. But this is the most he can manage, the most he can do - if he has to see another friend bleeding out, if he has to remember -
This is all he's capable of now.
...
None of that explains how he's come to be here, away from the rooftop; his mourning of a past life he can never have, now that he can't see his loved ones without those vicious memories tearing into him. Sitting on the roof and thinking of past times, past competitions, that man and his incredible smile, and mourning it all.
Now, somehow, he's standing in a strange house, his arm held up by this short girl, a grin on her face.
"I've got us a guide!" She says triumphantly. Two others are in the room with them, or they were, until the short girl squeaks and leaps to her feet, running into another room and slamming the door behind her.
"What was that?" The red head asks.
"Don't worry about it." Seele says, continuing her speech. "We're going to take Okhema by storm!" She insists. "Khaslana will show us the ropes, we'll impress everyone with how good we are at being ambassadors to Ohkema, and those old fogeys will agree to help Belobog!"
"Sure," The red head shrugs, sounding unconvinced. Phainon doesn't blame him. "So who's this guy?"
"Khaslana." She lets his arm go, puts her hands on her hips. "Were you even listening?"
"I was sorta distracted after Pela ran off, and then Sampo's coming in - " The man gestures towards the far wall, but the moment the word 'Sampo' escapes his lips, the girl has already spun round and charged off in that direction.
"You!"
"Hey, guys!" The new arrival, a tall man with blue hair, is not entering the house through the door - he's halfway through climbing in through the window, a large bag on his back and a very nice piece of jewelry hanging from his neck. "Miss me? Oh, man, you wouldn't believe the day I've had - "
"Can it!" The man yelps as he's grabbed by his collar and dragged into the room and - is that bag full of gold? "You are going to return all of that, right now!" Oh no. Phainon barely manages to suppress a snort. Looks like Miss Cypher has competition.
A coin - the flash of a blade - die over petty change.
Phainon's throat is dry, more than dry, it's blazing, but he swallows the fire down. When he looks up, the woman and both men are staring at him.
"You okay?" Seele lets go of the other man - Sampo, was it? - turning to face Phainon completely. The man puts on his best 'Deliverer' expression, a bright smile and firm pose, and nods.
"Yes, I'm fine." He is. He can be.
At least here, with these strangers who know nothing of his past or who he is, perhaps here he can be of use to someone. He can be normal.
"Well, then," He says, "Where shall we start?"