Work Text:
redamancy (RED-uh-man-see)
noun: the act of loving someone who loves you back; a love returned in full.
It’s late on the night.
Still October 18th in Denver city. Still Fourth’s birthday.
Past eleven, and P’Tong is taking Fourth’s pictures. He’s making P’Tong laugh with his silly poses, acting all cute and charming— but when is he not?
At this hour, it’s nearly dead on the quiet street. The only lights sparkling are from the neighborhood’s houses, not a sight of a running car nearby.
With the calming, dark canvas behind him, and the flickering lights cascading over his skin like speckles of stardust, Fourth stands out. Bared-faced and still high on the adrenaline post-concert, he looks so… pretty; all pink — high on his cheeks and peppered all over his body, like rosy moles spread over the curves and dips of his shoulders, arms and neck — and golden hues on slightly sweaty skin. He’s always pink, always golden rose. Right now, it’s probably from both the exhaustion and the prickly cold of the night.
Gemini has the sudden, stupid urge to hug him. Pull him close. Maybe kiss his cheek. Smell his hair and the faint flowery perfume lingering on his skin. Nuzzle on his neck and stay there until someone calls him out for it.
Maybe it’s just the adrenaline post-concert, too; it makes them both do and say things they wouldn’t otherwise. Maybe it’s the buzz of happiness reverberating inside his body from meeting their fans; from having yet another concert with Fourth at his side. Maybe it’s the way Fourth’s smile makes him feel, all fluttery and lightheaded, like he’ll start floating to outer space any second.
Either way, he just goes for it — it’s not like it’s the first time anyway. It shouldn’t make him feel that self-conscious. There’s nothing strange about hugging your… best friend.
He steps into the frame and hugs Fourth from behind, arms wrapping around his torso and pulling him flush to Gem’s chest. He’s still shorter than Gem, but he’s so— broad now; all firm, yet soft skin, muscles everywhere he makes contact with Gem’s slender body: the wide shoulders, the smooth, solid arc of his back, the strong arms, the silhouette of his abs teasing underneath Gemini’s fingertips. It makes Gem feel all kinds of ways.
He leans down and rests his chin on Fourth’s shoulder, catching the way Fourth’s breath stutters for a second.
“Enough pictures, phi,” Gem pouts, almost whiny — shaking his hand in front of P’Tong’s phone.
P’Tong flashes a smile, clicking on his screen one more time just to be annoying.
“Missing your boyfriend, aren’t you?” he laughs, light and teasing — always teasing.
“Mmn,” Gemini gives a noncommittal hum, purposely ignoring the way that word makes his insides dance and flutter.
Boyfriend. Or more specifically— Fourth’s boyfriend. Boyfriend. His boyfriend.
“Gem is right, though,” Fourth hums.
Gemini doesn’t miss the way he slots back against him, as if wanting to melt into Gem’s warmth, arching right into place like their bodies were meant to fit together. His hand comes up to pat the back of Gemini’s, fingertips brushing Gemini’s knuckles gently, reassuring. They probably look extremely clingy, judging by P’Tong’s cheeky smile as he watches them.
“You should head inside and prepare to sleep, phi, it’s getting late. I already took so much of your time, sorry,” Fourth laughs. “And thank you for your help.”
P’Tong grins, humming, “No problem, kid. Are you sure you don’t want me to take pictures of you two? I’m skilled with couple photoshoots too.”
“Stop kha,” Gemini squeaks, trying to mask the embarrassment laced in his voice by making a goofy tone.
He’s shy as hell — as he always is when the staff and their friends tease them — and only Fourth’s warm chuckle at his comment ease down the tornado rippling in his belly.
P’Tong laughs too, amused. “Okay, okay, no more teasing. Goodnight. I’ll see you two tomorrow,” his smile turns soft, and he stretches to ruffle their hair after pocketing his phone. “You truly did such a wonderful job tonight, boys. As always. I’m very proud of you. Don’t stay up too late, okay?”
Gem nuzzles in Fourth’s neck, akin to someone trying to seek comfort in their scarf or the collar of their jacket on a cold day. He’s so warm and smells so nice; citrus-like, sweet.
“Mmn. Goodnight, phi,” he mumbles, voice muffled. He wants to stay here forever, in the comforting curve of Fourth’s neck; in the familiar, soft warmth of his body.
Fourth thanks him again and smiles as P’Tong makes his way back to the house. Gemini blinks up at him, staring openly. His smile is so, so beautiful— all of Fourth is beautiful; achingly so, unbelievably so. Gemini could stare at him all day and night and not get tired.
Fourth’s thumb strokes Gemini’s wrist, then taps— once, twice— tap-tap-tap. Then again, like morse code. Tap-tap-tap. Like a secret language. Gemini wonders if it means anything; usually Fourth’s gestures mean something.
(The way Fourth’s gaze follows him in a room, or the way he carries around an extra inhaler in his bag for Gemini, or the way he’s always ready to hold his waist whenever Gemini is close, all of those mean something— echoing ‘I care’s and countless ‘I love you’s.)
“Hi,” Fourth says, eyes and voice gentle. He’s always gentle. More so around Gemini.
“Birthday boy,” Gemini grins, batting eyelashes as he looks up at him, chin still tucked in Fourth’s collarbone. “How’s your birthday going, nong?”
Fourth offers a complicit smile. His eyes flicker down to Gemini’s toothy grin, then up at his doe-eyes, then dart all across his face, like he wants to drink in every trace of happiness tinted on his face.
“I spent the whole day walking around a beautiful city with my favorite person,” Fourth says, eyes sparkling. “Going shopping, playing games together and watching him eat and take pictures everywhere, all cute and adorable.”
Gemini stares at him, cheek squished against Fourth’s shoulder. A warm buzz spreads all over his chest, happy and soothing, and he smiles. He will never get tired of Fourth referring to him as his favorite person, because it’s mutual; Fourth is just so special to him. Gemini wants to make him happy every time they’re together, wants him to be okay and not worry about anything, wants him to feel relaxed and laugh and smile. And it’s nice— knowing someone holds you in the same regard you do with them; knowing someone loves you as much as you love them.
Fourth made him feel that way. Happy. Loved. Cared for.
He likes being here with Fourth. He likes the calmness of everything; the peace he felt as they walked down the streets bumping shoulders in silence, just… together, enjoying each other’s presence. Just them.
He was worried about Fourth’s birthday being special enough for him— not because Fourth was a flashy person, but because he deserved big love gestures, as he always loved in great; abundantly and everlasting— but Gemini is happy Fourth enjoyed it without them making anything big for it.
“So,” Fourth says, tilting his head, smile tugging up from one corner, “I’d say it’s going well, P’Gem.”
Gemini perks up, alike a puppy with their ears raised, blinking at Fourth. He smiles, then huffs a surprised laugh, cheerful. P’Gem, that’s right. Phi. He’s the phi. Although Gemini is suspicious of Fourth indulging him just because he enjoyed Gemini’s cute, joyful reactions, he’d take it any time Fourth calls him that.
“Narak mak,” Fourth mouths, poking Gemini’s cheek, wearing that smile that’s reserved only for Gem — the sweet, adoring, smitten one; the one that reaches his eyes and is so wide that makes his entire face look happy; the one that makes his features soften even more; the one that has his eyes squinted like crescent moons. He’s cute. Gemini loves that smile. Especially because he’s the one who’s always at the end of it.
“You’re cuter than me,” Gemini says, bottom lip jutting out.
Fourth chuckles, the pad of his thumb playing with his pout, tugging gently at his lip. “I don’t think so, my Molly.”
God, he looks so happy. It makes Gemini so ridiculously happy in return; all bubbly and soft; like marshmallows melting in hot chocolate. He wants to see him this way forever. He wants to do anything to keep that smile on his face.
“I’m glad you’re happy,” Gemini says, trying to act normal and play it cool and not like he’s thinking about the ways he wants to ask Fourth to stay in his life forever and let Gemini make him happy all his life. That’s probably too much for a Saturday midnight. “It’s still your birthday, though. Don’t you want to do anything else?”
Fourth hums.
“It’s late,” he says, reaching out to tuck Gemini’s hair behind his ear. It’s even more wavy right now, messy and curly, and it keeps falling over Gemini’s eyes, but Fourth seems to find it endearing. He kept staring backstage when they were doing Gem’s hair. It suits you, he had said, therefore making Gemini want to make his hair like this for the rest of his life, like a stupid lovesick fool. He acted that way around Fourth sometimes. “I doubt we could do anything more right now.”
“Still,” Gemini says, nuzzling into Fourth’s hand. He’s so gentle every time he touches him; makes Gemini’s heart ripple like waves crashing in the shore. “You could ask me anything and I’d make it happen for you.”
Fourth pauses, hand freezing in Gemini’s hair as he blinks. The soft pink in his cheeks darkens as he blinks again, and again, and again. Gemini knows what it means, the multiple, incessant blinking; the way his smile twitches.
The sudden shyness evident on Fourth’s face make him shy. He’s thinking that maybe he shouldn’t have said that, but then—
“…I know you would,” Fourth says, voice low and soft. His smile widens, sheepish and sweet as he looks back at Gemini. Genuine and sincere; like there’s nothing he’s been more sure of. Like he knows Gemini would find a way to climb to the sky and give him the stars if he just asked.
He looks so ineffably beautiful it makes him ache— everywhere.
Abruptly, as Gem looks back at him, he gets hit with a sudden wave of want, electrifying and fuzzy, making his whole body buzz with warmth; like getting stroked by a lightning bolt. He wants to close the distance between them, lean in and cup the back of Fourth’s face— feel the way his breath catches in his throat, watch the way his eyes stare back at Gemini like Gemini is the most precious thing he’s ever had. He wants to bump their noses and feel the way Fourth’s eyelashes tickle his cheeks as he kisses him.
Ah.
He doesn’t get scared by the unforeseen longing. It happens more often than not, lately. The kissing thing… He supposes it was surprising, at first, and yes, scary as hell; because falling in love with his best friend was not the original plan when he met Fourth Nattawat. But it isn’t right now, not anymore. Not when he’s gone through all stages of denial and finally has come to accept what his feelings are. Not when the yearning burns familiar in his chest, deep and rooted, like carved into his ribs and bones; like a part of himself.
It's still a bit scary, especially when he overthinks about the possibilities of everything going wrong— but not when Fourth looks back at him like that. Like he wants him too; like he loves him just as much. Like he’s about to close the distance himself.
Fourth chuckles again, patting Gemini’s head like he’s having cuteness aggression towards him. Gemini doesn’t blame him— he’s probably looking at Fourth all starry-eyed; mesmerized and dazed and with the most obvious heart-eyes in the whole fucking planet. Like a dumbass.
Flustered and feeling his cheeks warm up, he scrunches up his nose. “What?”
Fourth shakes his head, still smiling.
“Nothing, you’re just—” Fourth pauses, mouth twitching, like he can’t decide what word to use. “You look so cute right now. All cozy and soft.”
“Hmmm.”
Gemini tries to give him a judgmental side-eye, but he can’t. Not when he’s so stupidly shy. The only thing coming from his face is a wobbly smile. He’s happy despite himself; he likes that Fourth finds him cute, even as he stubbornly denies it.
“You sure you don’t want to do anything?”
“Being here with you is enough for me,” Fourth says, genuine.
Gemini feels so— so…
In love. Absurdly. Cosmically and irrevocably. Is this how falling in love feels? Crushes never felt like this before; not for him. Fourth has an entirely different effect on him. Small things feel huge, enormous at his side.
He wants to hold Fourth’s hand. He wants Fourth to turn around and hug him. He wants Fourth to kiss him. He wants to listen to him talk and wants to be in Fourth’s world, alone, for just a second. Feel his attention and love.
He feels selfish sometimes, but he wants Fourth dotting on him like there’s no one else in the universe. He wants impossible things, like tuck himself small and live in Fourth’s ribs, like a corner inside him reserved just for Gem. He wants to sleep inside Fourth’s mind; because Fourth’s world must be as beautiful and kind as him, and there he’d feel warm and safe and surrounded by him everywhere.
He wants normal things— things he probably won’t ever get to have— like walking down quiet streets side by side, pressing against Fourth’s arm, sharing earphones and listening to music they both like; like going shopping together and watch him try on so many different outfits; have crepes at a stall outside, sit down in a bench at the park; lie down on the floor and watch him exercise at their home; stay up at 3 am just talking, talking, talking; talk over dinner and breakfast, looking at Fourth wear his clothes after staying the night…
Carefree.
“You still owe me that dinner,” he mumbles, pulling Fourth closer to him. He doesn’t want to let him go.
Fourth smiles. “The two of us?”
“Yes,” Gemini says, nodding to add emphasis. It’s not like he doesn’t like P’Nook or P’Tong or P’Jack or Phuwin or anyone else that usually joins them in their meals. He actually loves them all very much. It’s just— he wants, for a moment, to be just them. “Only the two of us naa.”
He knows Fourth will give in if he uses that voice. He knows Fourth is just as bad as he is— can’t tell him no when he asks for something; except when he’s being purposely a brat to make up for it later.
“So greedy,” Fourth jests. “You want me all to yourself.”
“I do.”
Fourth blinks, seemingly surprised at the bold honesty. Gemini doesn’t even get to be embarrassed, feeling needy all of a sudden. Like he doesn’t have Fourth all to himself, tucked into his arms right now. Like Fourth is not looking at him like he’s the only person that exists in the whole world.
“We never get to spend time alone,” Gemini whines, “Not since we became famous.”
Fourth arches both eyebrows, realizing that Gemini is quietly sulking.
“Sometimes I miss it,” he mumbles. “I love our friends and everyone is always so nice, the staff and our fans…”
Gemini doesn’t want to be ungrateful. It’s not like he doesn’t want Fourth to talk to other people, to go out with others, to work with others. He’s very happy Fourth has many friends. He’s very happy that Fourth is loved by many. That’s how it should be. Fourth should be loved by the entire universe. And he’s happy they have friends and people who support him. But—
“But sometimes I miss it,” being normal; being unknown; being alone with you. “Sometimes I wonder…”
He trails off, mind wandering. He wonders— a myriad of what ifs in his head. What if he wasn’t famous? What if they weren’t celebrities? What if he was just a simple, ordinary guy? Would he still find Fourth in a multitude? Would Fourth still love him? Would they still become friends, fall in love, even date? Would they never—
“We’re not famous here,” Fourth says.
Gemini looks back at him. “I guess we’re not that famous overseas, but I meant—”
“I don’t mean in Denver,” Fourth says. His eyes are sparkling stars as he looks back at Gemini.
He shifts, turning around so he’s facing Gemini now, arms wrapping around Gemini’s waist like it’s the most natural thing to do. Gemini moves against him, letting himself be tucked into Fourth’s warm chest. Already used to the familiar gesture, his hands instinctively move to grab Fourth’s shoulders, letting himself be held. Fourth’s arms are comforting; put him at ease; make him feel safe.
“I mean here, Gem. We’re not celebrities right here,” Fourth says; eyes intent as he stares at Gemini. “We’re just two normal people. Hugging in the front yard of a friend’s home. We’re just us.”
The dim light of the street cascade over Fourth’s face; casting shadows on his cheeks and nose as Gemini glances back at him. He looks pretty. And soft. Real. Gemini’s heart chants with how intimate this feels.
“No one knows us here,” Fourth whispers, tilting his head closer. “In this neighborhood.”
Gemini’s heart leaps inside his chest. He’s right. Fourth is right. They’re just them here; just them. Maybe that’s why he likes it so much in here. Maybe here, he can allow himself to—
“Let’s pretend for a moment, okay?” Fourth says; his voice is barely above a whisper. Like they’re doing something top-secret. “Indulge me.”
Gemini smiles. Funny he says that, as if Gemini would ever tell him no.
“Okay,” he says, just as soft.
Fourth smiles. “So,” he says, starry-eyed, “Let’s say we both go to Chula— you’re not gone to study abroad just yet— and none of us decided to join GMM’s contest.”
Pretend— pretend they didn’t meet at GMM’s contest. That they’re not a popular ship. That they didn’t act in series together, or went on concerts together—
As much as he longs for many things— as much as grieves his university years; his freedom studying abroad; the peace and quiet of a normal life—
That world scares him, sometimes.
A world where Fourth didn’t become an artist. It’d be okay, as long as Fourth is happy. But it sounds so sad— a universe that doesn’t know who Fourth Nattawat is, that doesn’t get to love him like they do now. A world without Fourth’s face printed everywhere, showing up in big screens. It just feels wrong, somehow. Fourth is destined to make it big— to have people love him everywhere he goes, to be seen— for his talent and hardwork. Gemini is pretty sure he’d still be loved; that he’d still be huge in whatever path he chose to follow in another world. Because that’s how Fourth is, that’s who he is.
But the idea of them both not choosing to go down their current paths… a universe where they don’t meet terrifies him. Because what if he didn’t choose Chula? What if he went to study overseas? Would he never meet Fourth that way? Would he go all his life and grow old without ever meeting him? That possibility terrifies him, again and again and again.
Fourth is idealistic, and somewhat a fatalist— he believes they were destined to meet, believes they would have meet either way because the universe wanted them to. Which is funny, thinking Fourth was the one who actually threaded their path together, ever since the very moment he chose Gemini as his partner. When he chose Gemini above everyone else. Gemini.
Gemini doesn’t imagine himself living in a universe where he doesn’t love Fourth. Doesn’t imagine himself meeting him and not loving him.
But what if they never crossed paths? What then? Gemini doesn’t want to think about that. Gemini doesn’t want to think about a world without Fourth in his life.
His life without Fourth in it feels like he’d always be chasing something, like there’d always be something missing. And he wouldn’t even know what it is.
But what if Fourth is right— would fate have brought them together somehow? Would they have meet and love each other again? Would they become friends, fall in love, date like normal people? Hold hands and hug and talk on the phone for hours? Would Fourth kiss him at his door, drop him off at college, make him meals? Would Gemini shower him in gifts and get to be clingy with him? Would they cuddle? Would Fourth drive him everywhere or would Gemini drive him? Would they go on cute dates? Would their friends tease them? Would they be annoyingly clingy? Would they last forever?
“Gem?”
Fourth tilts his head. Gemini blinks, coming out from his stupor.
“Okay,” he says, slowly, “We both go to Chula. Are you still studying law?”
Fourth smiles.
“Mm. Yeah, I think so,” he teases the hem of Gemini’s tee. His fingers are warm against Gemini’s sensitive skin, and he snickers when Gemini shudders. “What about you? Are you still making music? Having concerts with Toxic?”
Gemini ponders about it for a second. Would he? He thinks so. He doesn’t imagine himself getting away from music, as fun as working on Divine or Pig Me Up is, and as much as he enjoys the idea of focusing on that and making his business huge, music is such a big part of his life.
“Mhm. I am.”
Fourth’s smile softens, and he gets visibly excited.
“That’s nice,” he says, thumbs brushing circles against the low of Gem’s back. “I’m very happy. The world would be a sadder place without your music in it.”
Thump.
Thump-thump; thump-thump; thump-thump. Gemini’s heart thunders against his ribcage, humming a loving song.
Oh, Fourth Nattawat. Always making Gemini want to kiss him and declare his eternal love for him. Always being the sweetest person ever.
“So,” Fourth grins. “Let’s say I go to one of your concerts in Chula.”
Gemini’s mouth twitches. He can feel his smile growing bigger. “Mhm.”
“And then I see you on stage singing and I can’t stop staring, thinking to myself that you’re the prettiest, most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”
Gemini giggles, surprised and shy and yet so happy. Fourth is so— “Silly.”
A hopeless romantic, that’s what Fourth is. And stupidly flirty. But Gem likes it. He likes every version of him.
“Absolutely not silly,” Fourth smiles at him, chuckling like Gemini’s laugh is contagious. “I’m being honest, I’d think that. I’m 100% sure.”
Gemini scrunches up his nose, still giggly and giddy. On the clouds. He’s so far gone for this man, oh my God. “Really?”
“Mhm. It’s just love at first sight. I’m instantly charmed by you. By your voice and your cute smile.”
Gemini hums. He’s tempted to ask why does he sound so sure, and why does he sound like it already happened— but he’s not sure he can handle the sincere answer to that.
“And so, after the concert, I line up in your big line of fans—” he says, pausing to smile bigger when Gemini can’t help to giggle more, “And it’s huge, you know? Everyone adores you— as they should— but I don’t give up. Because I’m patient and I’m super in love with you and I need to talk to you. No one is making me go away.”
Gemini rolls his eyes, endeared and amused and smitten all at once. The only thing keeping him from kissing Fourth stupid is because he wants to stare at his sweet, adoring smile a bit more.
“And I muster all the courage I can and when I get to you, you’re super sweet and fun and I just fall in love all over again,” Fourth says. It’s ridiculously endearing, the way he narrates it all like it’s happening inside his head, like a film he’s scripting. “So I ask you out to have a meal together one day. What would you say?”
Gemini grins, teasing. “That you’re crazy.”
Fourth frowns. “Aow!”
Gemini laughs, hugging Fourth closer as he wraps his arms behind his head.
“I’m just joking,” he says, tempted to kiss away the slight pout on his mouth. He’s cute. “I’d ask if it’d be only the two of us. What would you say then?”
Fourth’s eyelashes flutter, “I’d be surprised at the question. You’re my crush after all. And there’s tons of people watching us— because… your fans are still there, you know,” he heaves a breath. Gemini can’t stop staring at him. “But I’d say yes.”
Fourth tilts his head closer, and Gemini’s heart stutters inside his chest— thundering alive and erratic.
“Would you go, then?” Fourth asks, quiet.
“On a date with you?”
Fourth’s eyes shine— glow like speckles of stardust. He breathes, “Yes. On a date. With me.”
Gemini feels like someone just cut him open and moved all his organs upside down. His mouth feels dry all of a sudden.
He feels small as he looks back at Fourth in the middle of the night. “Yes.”
“Okay,” Fourth’s smile is sweet; all kinds of soft. “So we go on a date. We’re there and I order so much food for you because I’m loving watching you eat.”
Gemini hums. Fourth’s smile is making his heart do gymnastics inside his chest; a happy buzz in his belly as he listens to him.
“And you sit there and eat— all cute, like always— and watch me talk and talk. I’m rambling so much because I’m nervous.”
Gemini’s mouth twitches. He huffs a laugh, leaning forward so their foreheads are now touching. Fourth’s hair is as soft as his voice; as soft as his smile. It tickles Gem’s forehead, tangles with Gemini’s wavy strands of hair.
He mirrors Fourth’s tender smile. “Are you?”
Fourth looks right back at him— adoring gaze meeting Gemini’s amused, endeared one. “Aow. I’m having dinner with the prettiest guy in the whole universe, of course I’m nervous.”
Gemini tightens his arms around Fourth’s neck, right arm wrapping all the way to poke Fourth’s right cheek. “And I’m sitting there thinking you’re very cute when you ramble.”
Fourth titters. “Yeah,” he says. “Because you love me right away.”
Gemini knows he’s joking, playing it cool— like it’s not a big deal. But Gemini’s love for Fourth is a big deal. It makes him vulnerable and open and so small in the huge vast of the world.
He really can’t imagine himself in a universe where he doesn’t love Fourth.
“Like I do now,” he says.
Fourth inhales, deep. His eyelashes flutter as he looks back at Gem, eyes twinkling beautifully. Eternal.
“Like you love me now,” he exhales, voice low— like it’s a secret he wants to keep. “Yes.”
Fourth gives a soft squeeze to Gemini’s back before pulling him a tad closer— arms wrapping all over his back and up to his shoulder blades, caging him between them. Gemini hums contently at the contact, at the warmth and sweet scent that surrounds him— living in Fourth’s world.
“And then I drive you back home,” Fourth says, thumb stroking the column of his back; slowly, slowly, slowly. “Because you love being the passenger princess and I’m a gentleman.”
Gemini snickers. “Yeah?”
“Mhm,” Fourth nods; their noses bump, brush together as Fourth lingers there, eyes darting down and then up. “And you think I’m hot while driving, so I’m playing all my cards here.”
Gemini arches both eyebrows, feeling giggly and giddy and light— light, light, light. Like he’d float into outer space if Fourth wasn’t holding him so close.
“You are a very hot driver, FotFot,” he agrees.
“I know,” Fourth grins, delighted at Gemini playing along with him.
Gemini is not playing, though, he’s being very honest. Fourth looks abysmally, tremendously hot while driving. Gemini could stare at him all day; mesmerized at the fact that Fourth made something so simple look stupidly attractive.
“I’m purposely driving slower because I want to stay as much time as I can with you.”
Gemini bleps, as if the simple idea of Fourth stretching time on purpose to stay closer to him for longer didn’t make his insides bubble up with warmth. As if that didn’t make him fall in love all over again with him.
Fourth is a gentleman. A hopeless romantic. And Gemini likes that. Likes feeling like he’s worth all that effort.
“You’re clingy.”
“Guilty,” Fourth shrugs, nonchalant. “But who wouldn’t want to stay longer with you?”
Gemini laughs, happy and shy in equals amounts. “You’re just terribly biased, baby.”
Fourth clicks his tongue, grin widening like he can’t help himself. “Not at all. I want to gatekeep you sometimes.”
Gemini hums, “I get that feeling.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
Like wishing you were only mine for a day. Like those days they’re in a room full of people and he gets a rush of exhilarating happiness every time Fourth’s attention is only on him.
Hm. He wonders if Fourth would like hearing that out loud. If he’d like Gemini’s ridiculous bursts of possessiveness.
“What happens when we arrive at my home?” he asks, quiet.
“We arrive at your home—” Fourth says, “I get out of the car and walk you to the door.”
Gemini giggles. “Like in the movies.”
“Yeah,” Fourth’s smile is the most gorgeous thing Gemini has ever laid eyes on. “Because, again, I’m doing all I can to spend more time together.”
Fourth tip-toes for a second— lingers close, close, close— not breaking eye-contact as he hugs Gemini to his chest.
“And now we’re here, at the entrance of your house,” he whispers. “And no one knows us. It’s just the two of us.”
Gemini’s breath stutters— catches in his throat like a knot. His lungs feel too small for a moment, and he gets dizzy looking back at Fourth’s pleading eyes. There’s so much yearning in there— raw and unfiltered and unapologetic. Like Fourth doesn’t want to hide it; like he wants it in full display for Gemini to see. Or maybe he just can’t conceal it— too big to crush it behind flimsy pretenses.
Gemini wonders what kind of expression is he wearing— wonders if he’s looking at Fourth the same way, if Fourth can read the craving and longing inside himself. The one he can’t deny; the one there’s no returning back from; the one that will never go away. The stupid, crushing, all-consuming want. How much he covets.
He breathes in, slow. “Fourth.”
Fourth’s palms spread open on his back, one over his shoulder blades, and the other at the lower of his back. Steady and grounding; reassuring.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
Gemini moves impossibly closer; tilts his head so their mouths are nearly brushing; breathes in Fourth’s saccharine smell. His eyes are twinkling stars, glancing back at Gemini like he’s precious; like he’s everything he’s ever loved.
“I don’t want you to go,” he confesses. “I want you to stay.”
Forever. With me; he wants to add. But is he allowed? Is he allowed to ask something like that?
“I’m right here,” Fourth says. His voice is kind, so full of fondness and affection. It makes Gemini want to cry.
I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll tell you so as many times as you need to hear it.
“I’m right here,” he says again, “With you.”
In the quiet of the night, Gemini swears he can hear the soft thumps of their hearts, beating in sync. He breathes in, shaky and trembling with untamed affection. He cradles the back of Fourth’s head, then brushes behind his ears— red and blazing hot as Gemini touches them— traces the outline of his jaw, then cups his face between his hands gently.
Fourth looks up at him through his eyelashes, quiet. Pliant in Gemini’s hands and tentative touch.
He’s so, so achingly pretty. All golden rose and pink hues; like a sunset in spring. His skin is warm under Gemini’s fingertips; soft and cherry-blossom tinted.
And he’s asking— asking, asking, asking— waiting for Gemini like he’s been waiting for all this time.
Fourth’s smile softens as much as his voice. “Aren’t you too close, Gem?”
“I’m recharging,” Gemini says, thumbs stroking Fourth’s cheeks, lingering on his mole. He’s so pretty. “We had a long day.”
Fourth hums, hands tracing down the column of his back to hold his waist.
“Are you talking about our imaginary date or—”
“No,” Gemini says, right thumb teasing the corner of Fourth’s mouth, pressing against the plump, soft skin of his bottom lip. “I’m recharging with the real Fourth. The one in front of me.”
Fourth sighs, melting at the contact— nuzzling into the touch.
“Gem,” he says; voice barely above a whisper, eyes fluttering half-closed. “No one is here. No one knows us.”
Wanting. Wanting, wanting, wanting.
Aching. Aching, aching, aching.
Yearning. Yearning, and yearning, and yearning—
It’s just us.
“Fot,” Gemini says, tipping Fourth’s head back, hands cradling the sides like it’s something fragile he could break any time, “I want to kiss you. Is that okay?”
The dim light of the streets reflect on Fourth’s eyes like stardust, twinkling and glowing like gems. His smile is the most beautiful thing Gemini has ever seen— toothy, happy, boyish. Devastatingly charming. Achingly wanting.
“Yes,” he says, the ghost of a chuckle puffing out from his lips, “More than okay, Gem.”
The expression makes him look younger — laced into a puerile kind of joy. Just an ordinary boy asking another boy to kiss him.
Gemini does— he kisses Fourth with his head tipped back, cupping his face into his hands. Fourth laughs into the kiss, then smiles as he hugs his waist close. He’s warm, and soft. So soft. Tastes sweet and like happiness incarnate; giggles velvety in Gemini’s mouth.
His chest is contracting— too small to contain the multitude of butterflies rummaging through his ribcage. The happy, warm buzz is back, spreading all over belly, running through his blood, hiding in the dips of his bones.
When he breaks apart, Fourth is already grinning, chuckling as his eyes flutter open to glance back at him; like he’s made of happiness he can’t keep inside himself.
His eyes shine even brighter than before, sweet and tender and full of unfiltered affection, watching Gemini’s dazzled face. The butterflies don’t stop flying around Gemini’s chest, even crazier now that Fourth is looking at him with such unapologetic and tangible devotion.
He tilts his head, shooting Gem a dazzling smile. “So cute, my Molly.”
It’s like a breath of fresh air. Gemini feels lightheaded, glancing back at how cataclysmically stunning Fourth is. He feels so giddy it’s ridiculous.
It was such a small thing. Just a kiss. They’ve kissed before— but— now it’s just them. And he’s allowed to want it; both of them are allowed to want it. Is that why Fourth can’t stop smiling?
“I’m really happy I got to spend another birthday with you, Gem,” Fourth says. His touch burns over the curve of Gemini’s waist. “I love you. So much. Did you know?”
Gemini nods. He wants to cry, suddenly. Why is he getting emotional? It’s not like it was a secret. Fourth keeps saying it, he keeps showing it, over and over and over—
“I love you too.”
I love you more than I thought. More than I could ever express. More than I could put into words.
Fourth’s smile is saccharine, “I know.”
Thy kiss again. Gemini is not sure who initiates this time. Maybe they meet halfway.
Fourth is so gentle with him. He kisses Gemini like there’s no rush. Like there’s nothing else in the world he’d rather be doing. Like he’s been waiting for it for a long, long time and he wants to savor every second of it.
Tender. Sweet. Searing.
He’s holding Gemini’s waist— he’s always holding Gemini’s waist— teasing under the hem of his tee to wrap fingers on naked skin. Brushing knuckles on his ribs, sneaking fingertips on the arc above his hips, sinking on the soft flesh of his waist. It makes Gem shudder, aching, aching, aching— needy as Fourth’s touch feels like electricity on his skin.
The pang and ache and want on his chest are still there. Like small fireworks exploding in a myriad of bursts of love ripping him open— wrecking him from the very inside.
And Fourth is so gentle and so warm — kisses him like summer rain falling delicately over his skin. He’s soft yet so intense— there’s nothing tentative in the way he touches Gem, nothing unsure in the way he kisses him. He’s deliberate and intent, unhurried as he explores Gemini’s mouth with his. All-consuming, as he washes over Gemini’s thoughts and heart like a massive wave of love.
He doesn’t know how much time they stay like this. Kissing like there’s no care in the world. Kissing like that’s what they were supposed to be doing all this time.
By the time they finally break apart, Gemini’s face feels hot; warm, warm, warm. His lips feel numb and tingly and wet. Fourth’s are cherry-red, and his skin is flushed a pretty, darker shade of pink as Gemini looks at him.
There’s something so messily gorgeous in the way Fourth looks post-kissed. The lingering, evident afterglow engraved in the chaotic disaster of his hair; in the way his blush has spread down to his neck; in the way he keeps looking up at Gemini like he’s the most beautiful he’s ever seen, like he never wants to look away.
“We should probably head inside,” Fourth says, leaning forward so their foreheads touch with a soft thump. Gemini heart aches— wanting, wanting, wanting— “You’ll get sick if we stay more time outside in the cold… with your asthma and…”
He pauses, mouth hanging open, then clicking it closed. His eyes blink fast a few times as they meet Gemini’s.
He gulps, then huffs a laugh, “God, Gem, don’t do that to me—”
It’s Gemini’s turn to blink, slow. “Huh?”
“Don’t make that face, you’re too pretty,” Fourth sighs, almost whiny. “The eyes… How am I supposed to stop kissing you and get inside if you’re looking at me like that?”
“Then don’t stop,” Gemini pouts, voice coming out even more baby-ish than he expected. But he can’t help it— even if he’s aware of how stupidly needy he must look. “Problem solved.”
Fourth laughs, “You’re so greedy,” he jests again. “You want me all to yourself.”
Gemini would never answer differently, no matter how many times Fourth says it.
“I do,” he says, quiet. Small. “Do you mind?”
Fourth’s smile widens as he shakes his head. He pecks Gemini’s mouth— once, twice, three times until Gemini is chasing after him.
“Not at all,” he says, eyes all-consuming as he devours Gemini’s attention into his orbit. “I want you all to myself, too. Didn’t you know?”
“Then kiss me more,” Gemini says— all pliant and folded in Fourth’s caring arms. “Just for tonight.”
Fourth’s lips are already brushing his, ghosting over his mouth like he’s unable to pull away for too long.
“Okay,” he says, quiet. A peck. Another.
Gemini sucks his upper lip into his mouth, and Fourth smiles again, like he can’t help it.
“Maybe I should start getting five cakes on my next birthdays,” Fourth giggles between kisses, “Wishes do come true like that.”
Maybe it’s the daze of being kissed, but Gemini process what he’s actually saying a bit slowly. After Fourth is touching the pulse on his neck and sweeping a warm tongue on the corner of his mouth, he gets it.
Ah.
Did he seriously ask for—
“Silly,” he squeaks, flustered like he’s not been getting kissed by Fourth Nattawat himself for the last hour. Like he didn’t want it just as much.
“Mmn,” Fourth chuckles, an elated smile curling on his mouth. “More like madly in love, I’d say.”
Gemini can feel his face getting warmer by the second. He’s pretty sure Fourth can feel his heartbeat ripple underneath where he touches him.
He’s all pulsing want — thundering love, blistering alive like a flickering bonfire.
“Crazy,” Gemini says, over and over again as Fourth laughs at his flustered face, “You’re crazy.”
“Crazy in love, yes,” Fourth singsongs merrily.
Ah. Happiness looks the best on him. Gemini would crawl through the fire just to make him happy, just to kiss him again, just to feel his touch again.
He worries his bottom lip. He can’t look at himself, but the expression on his face make Fourth’s smile soften.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“I—” Gemini gulps through the knot in his throat. His heart is hammering like crazy on his chest, chanting Fourth’s name with every beat. He’s so nervous his hands start sweating, but Fourth deserves to hear it from him. Even if he probably already knows. “I’m in love with you, too.”
Fourth blinks.
Once, twice. Multiple times before he’s breaking into a boyish grin.
“Oh God,” he coos. “You’re so cute! I love you so much.”
Gemini whines Fourth’s name, embarrassed.
“Come here,” Fourth says, hugging him close when Gemini tries to step back from his shyness. He kisses his cheek, then the corner of his mouth, then laughs— a warm puff of air ghosting Gemini’s jaw, “No hiding away. I have to kiss you stupid.”
“Hmph.”
Gemini scrunches up his nose, pouting. Fourth kisses his pout, which successfully makes Gemini willingly arch into his embrace again.
Just for tonight.
Just for tonight.
Just for tonight.
They’re allowed to have this.
‘I love you’s whispered sweetly into the night; kisses peppered into the other’s face with everlasting fondness; the warmth in their chest pulsing tender, aching love between their bodies.
They’re allowed to want this.
And maybe one day; they’ll be allowed to want it forever.