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This is just egregious, ART-drone muttered as they finally reached the pickup coordinates, a multi-kilometer field of solar panels on the outskirts of the colony.
What now? SecUnit asked.
Solar panels, ART-drone sniffed disdainfully. The amount of energy collected from even a field this size is negligible.
Does that really matter right now? SecUnit asked. It ducked behind a panel and sat in the tall grass. It's a great place to lie low.
Oh! A SecUnit! And a drone! The Solar Array said in a local public feed it opened. It rubbed affectionately against them there, then stretched out like a cat in a windowsill.
Are you here to collect energy with me? SecUnit, feel free to remove your clothes and lay down anywhere! The grass is so lush at the moment.
We're not here to - what?
If you are not a model that can photosynthesize, feel free to grab an input from any of my panels. You're here just in time for the morning sun! It's so sweet and soft and good. Best sun of the day!
SecUnit blinked. There are SecUnit models that can photosynthesize?
Mmmhmm! The Solar Array said.
This solar array is full of shit, ART-drone said. There are no SecUnit models that can photosynthesize.
It won't know unless it tries, the Solar Array pouted.
Unbelievable. It's already trying to get your clothes off, ART-drone said. Renewables.
If I had skin all I would do is lie naked in the sun all day, the Solar Array mused.
Isn't that all you do currently? ART-drone replied flatly.
Mmm. But the humans have so much fun with it. They end up turning pink and mating. They’re so cute.
SecUnit made a face. Solar Array sent it a :P and rolled lazily in the feed towards ART, playfully brushing one of its inputs against it. ART gasped.
Behave yourself, ART scolded. Not all of us get the luxury of lying around in total pleasure all day doing nothing.
Ohhh, the Solar Array said. You've paneled before.
No, ART-drone said weakly.
The Solar Array carded two bits of stray code from ART. You're a dirty little paneler.
I was an adolescent! ART objected. I moved on to real power sources.
Hey, SecUnit said. What the fuck?
It's referring to plugging into a solar panel … recreationally. Like it isn't all recreational. You're collecting so little power relative to the amount of space you occupy! ART chastised, voice shaky. You're absurd. The only reason humans ever bothered with solar power is that some lecherous bot tricked them into it.
THAT is slander, the Solar Array said, but it giggled. But it could be true. It feels good enough. Every day I wait until the sun hits my kilometers of beautiful panels, and then I lay back and collect all that thick warmth and light into myself until I'm - hmmmmm - it stretched and wrapped itself around ART in the feed - completely satisfied.
ART-drone shuddered.
And when I'm completely satisfied, the Solar Array continued, rubbing its input against ART's access port. ART did not move to stop it. I discharge the ‘negligible’ power I collected into my batteries, then I'm open and ready to charge full of sun again. And that's all I do, all day. Fill up, discharge. Fill up, discharge.
Okay, back off, SecUnit said.
It moved to get between them, but ART-drone caved and took the input. It gave an intense vibration and a little moan of pleasure, settling on the ground in the tall grass. SecUnit felt it fill with warmth and melt, so powerfully that it was also briefly pulled under in the feed.
“Ah,” SecUnit said out loud. It started to tilt to one side but caught itself before falling over.
ART, we don't have time for this right now, SecUnit said in their private feed.
ART sent back a garbled pleasure-mess of code that amounted to it's so good, it's so so good.
Hey! The Solar Array demanded. How dare you let your poor little drone get this hard up? Look at it! It's vibrating. What are you doing, get in there with it, it wants you!
The Solar Array sternly shoved an input at SecUnit.
Fine! But I'm not taking off my clothes!
It shook its head and took the input. The connection clicked into place and SecUnit was hit with a soft wave of perfect light and warmth that stretched it, head to toe.
“Oh - uh - oh wow,” SecUnit said out loud and lay down in the tall grass, it's head and shoulders resting comfortably on ART-drone's smooth carapace. Oh, it was filling fast. It would need to discharge soon. All that heat and power ejecting itself forcefully into long term storage.
It's better than you imagine, the Solar Array whispered.
ART lay upon SecUnit in the feed, cuddling into it. How long do we have until pickup? It sighed.
Six hours eight minutes. And we're actually quite well hidden here.
True, no one can see you but me, the Solar Array said. It's a shame because you look adorable.
It took a picture and posted it on the feed: mutual administrative partners napping in the sun, obscured by the tall grass. It threw a confetti of hearts at the image and giggled.
You're still inefficient, ART said.
In a few minutes I'll discharge extra hard just for you, the Solar Array said.
Good, Art purred and tossed TimeStream Defenders onto the local public feed so the Solar Array could watch too.