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When Jake sees Jay bundled up on his bed, cozied up in the white hotel sheets and glowing softly under the dim yellow lamp lighting, he remembers then that he’s missed Jay. So much.
With the European tour coming to an end, there’s a slower set of activities left to do, and Jake feels like he can finally breathe a bit more. Take it easy before everything intensifies again and he finds himself in yet another whirlwind of schedules to keep up with.
The last concert finished, and just when Jake found himself lying face-flat against the covers, their youngest members had convinced him to take a detour for some local snacks, citing that even if it’d been late, they still wanted a chance to try new flavors before heading off again to the airport the next morning. Jake was tired, but indulging in their mission was the least he could do since he’d been flaking out on their video game hangouts.
Coming back to find a puffy-eyed, sleepy Sunghoon waddling out of their shared hotel room had been a surprise, but then they shared a quiet conversation revolving around Jay, and he found himself back in the room, smiling with butterflies soaring in his chest over his fellow cozied-up member on his bed.
Flopping on top of him was reasonably the next best thing to do, and Jake giggled when his arms wrapped around a grumbling burrito’d Jay. “Care to explain why you’re on my bed?”
Jay peeks up at him, big round eyes losing their drowsiness and lighting up when he sees that it’s Jake who’s laid out on him. The excitement is quickly lost when Jake’s knee presses down uncomfortably on his thigh and an angry whine leaves his lips.
“Oops, sorry,” Jake apologizes, hovering over the snug boy instead and giving him enough space to lie on his back so that they’re facing each other. Like this, Jake realizes that they haven’t been alone together in a while, that he hasn’t had the chance to just look at the very endearing person underneath him.
Confessing to each other like two teenage boys a few weeks ago had been the most exciting and wholesome thing to ever happen to him this year. Even better were the rare secret hand holding sessions and late night conversations at the 24/7 convenience store nearby. In the rush of their demanding lives, they’ve found peace and comfort in taking it slow with each other.
And for now, time is slow.
For now, Jake admires the face below him and lets himself appreciate the red-tinted lips (the middle scar is fading, he thinks, maybe Sunoo finally convinced Jay to use his lip sleeping mask), the slope of a pretty nose, the curious brown eyes, and the pillowed mess of hair unstyled, likely after headbanging so much at their concert. Jay is pretty and round, even more so in this serene state.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jay asks curiously, cheeks pink from being under Jake’s stare, but also at just simply being under Jake.
“You look so cute right now,” Jake states, reaching down to caress Jay’s head, feeling the softness of his hair with delicate fingers. “I like your head shape. It’s so round. Like a cute boba ball. Such a roundie head.”
Jay snorts at the random observation, but it’s Jake, so what’s new? He doesn’t stop him from patting his head like he were some loafing cat allowing a rare touch. And Jake doesn’t stop there either, fingers running along his face like he were tracing patterns against his smooth skin. He pauses when they drag at his neck, and Jake’s eyes flicker with mischief.
“Hey, you know what I like the most?” Jake whispers.
It’s a new type of intimacy that they haven’t fully explored. Jake can flop on top of Jay, Jay can get all up in his face, and they can tickle each other to death on the floor, but they’ve never touched in a way that was so intimate unless Jay was reaching to link their pinky fingers or Jake was pressed against his back for a “friendly” hug.
It’s simple, really, but it’s new. Jake leans down and noses along Jay’s neck. Eyes locked on one of his prettiest details, a heart-shaped birthmark that he’ll always mentally thank Jay’s parents for creating, and pressing a light kiss to it.
Jay shudders beneath him, but he doesn’t pull away. Jake is hovering over him but not overbearingly so that Jay can’t unbundle himself from the blankets. Jake counts it as a win, a silent victory in not overstepping the boundaries they’ve set. His finger brushes over the birthmark lightly. “It’s this. I like this the most.”
“You mean a minuscule mark takes first place over my extremely passionate and generous nature?” Jay deadpans.
“Let me be romantic in peace,” Jake simply says, eyes zeroed in on the hearts he’s tracing against the birthmark. “We can talk about your amazing personality later.”
He leans in again, makes sure Jay can see him going for the side of his neck and is still okay with it. When Jay accepts him into his space once more, Jake kisses the mark a few more times before gently nipping it between his teeth.
“Is this okay?” he asks faintly. He smirks slightly when he catches the goosebumps rising off Jay’s tiny neck hairs.
“Yes,” Jay nods timidly. “Just…be gentle.”
Jake nips at his neck again, pulling softly at the birthmark and dragging his tongue along his throat before pressing feather-like kisses on the line of saliva he left. He’s new to this, but he likes Jay, maybe a bit too much, and treasures the way he relaxes underneath him. Another victory in making Jay feel good.
This goes on for a few minutes, time basically nonexistent and just two bodies warming each other up, until Jay starts squirming in the sheets, endearingly trying to calm his breathing that has picked up from the wet touches.
“Okay,” Jay gasps softly, neck stretching out to get away when Jake leaves a particularly long slimy bite, like a puppy who’s becoming overly excited. “No more, Jakey. I’ll get in trouble if you leave a bruise.”
“Sorry…got carried away.” Jake murmurs and wipes his mouth sheepishly. He pats Jay’s hair again before remembering how they found themselves here alone to begin with.
“By the way,” Jake starts thoughtfully, “you never answered me about what you’re doing here on my bed.”
“My room is cold,” Jay explains, eyes closing, content with the repetitive motions atop his head.
“But it’s a single. You never win the single when we do rock paper scissors.”
“So? I don’t like freezing,” Jay mumbles. “I told Sunghoon to switch, and he said he’d wait till you came back. Not my fault I was left to lie on your bed for the time being.”
“So, we’re just letting Hoonie suffer through that right now?” Jake asks, raising a brow knowingly.
“He did ice skating. He should be used to the cold!”
“I don’t know, man,” Jake ponders. “Sounds like an excuse, considering our Hoon said you asked him to switch so you could be alone with me.”
“He said that?!” Jay asks, scandalized by the truth. “That snitch!”
Jake laughs when Jay tries to sit up, likely on his way to give Sunghoon a piece of his mind, but he’s forced back down by Jake’s body heat pressing down again.
“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, you angry baby,” Jake giggles, rubbing his cheek against Jay’s insistently until he hears his annoyed whining. "Let him sleep. You can scold him tomorrow.”
Jay hmph’s against him but doesn’t try to move again. His cheeks turn pink again now that the truth is out. “Uhm…so I did ask him that. Is—is that okay?”
“Of course it’s okay,” Jake soothes. “My one and only crush wants alone time with me? That’s all I can ask for.”
“You—” Jay sputters, eyes widening at the word crush despite them having already exchanged confessions. Despite Jake literally sucking his throat just a few minutes ago. “You sap! God—just go to the other bed, I don’t want to keep cuddling anymore!”
Jake laughs in his face again, ignoring the false demand and feeling incredibly endeared by the cute reaction before noticing a familiar white design on Jay’s sleeve.
“Hmm? What’s this?” Jake questions, tilting his head as he gently forces away the sheets to find that Jay is wearing their matching grey sweater, zipper all the way up, along with an oversized pair of sweats to defeat the cold. “We’re matching!”
“Yeah…” Jay mutters quietly. “I—I saw you wearing it when you left…without me.”
“Aw Jay,” Jake sighs. “Can you blame me? You pass out before you even make it to an actual bed. Didn’t want to wake you up when it’s been such a long day.”
“It has been a long day,” Jay agrees, big eyes staring up at him earnestly. “That’s why I wanted to end it with you. And then you left before I could ask you to stay with me…so I just—I don’t know…”
“Aww, precious baby!” Jake pouts, nuzzling back into Jay’s neck, overjoyed. He makes a eungae sound that the members usually tease each other with, but he finds that it’s becoming less and less of a joke when it comes to Jay, that over time Jake has found his same-aged crush to be incredibly cute and deserving of his fondness.
“You could have just asked me to share when we were dividing up the rooms.” He moves back up to look at Jay and watches his face beam red adorably.
“T-that’s embarrassing!” Jay argues.
“No, it would have been cute!” Jake argued back, giggling again at the thought of Jay requesting such a thing in front of their other group members and staff. He would have tried to be cool about it probably, but everyone would have still seen the blush reaching his ears or the fiddling fingers around his suitcase. “But I guess it’s fine. Because it was a pleasant sight finding you on my bed.”
Jay quiets him down by reaching up with both his hands and dragging Jake’s hand on the pillow back on top of his head where he had been petting it. “I’ll let you keep cuddling me if you just stop talking.”
He’s still red in the face, but Jake doesn’t have the heart to keep teasing when he’s just been given permission to hold a sweet-looking Jay in bed. Jay and his cute actions make him mushy. So he softens up, his smile turning gentle, and gives a few more gentle pats before grabbing his wrists and bringing them around Jake’s waist.
Jake doesn’t bother to turn the lamp off, just focuses on embracing Jay against him more, chest against chest and legs tenderly wrapped around each other. He covers them up with the blanket until they’re both under their own little dark shell, eyes adjusting only to see each other.
It’s not the first time they cuddled, but it’s the first time that it’s happening this close. With their hearts pressed together and their noses touching. With them breathing each other in, listening to both the white noise of the hotel room and the rapid beating of their hearts.
“Why am I nervous all of a sudden?” Jake whispers, a breath of shaky laughter.
Jay doesn’t answer, but his eyes are wavering all over his face, nervousness evident on him too. Jake won’t allow that because even though he feels it himself, he will not have Jay feeling hesitant about anything around him, especially not here in his arms.
“Is this okay, baby?” Jake asks, holding Jay’s face in his palm, thumb moving slowly on his cheekbone in an effort to ease the tension.
“Jake,” Jay says wobbly. “Can we kiss?”
His thumb freezes, and Jake is left speechless at the sudden question. They’ve never kissed before. Actually, giving Jay an almost hickey is the farthest they’ve ever gone. He also hasn’t really kissed anyone since…forever. Probably since high school, when he still had time for such things. But now? Jay is asking him to kiss, and Jake is still, elated but shocked.
But the longer he takes just staring with surprise, Jay seems to become more regretful, face turning cherry red and eyes shutting tight like it could help him vanish into thin air from rejection.
“Sorry…it’s too early, right? Forget I asked—”
“No!” Jake nearly shouts in his face, slightly humiliated when Jay flinches in surprise and wipes a droplet of spit away from his face. “It’s not too early at all! I want to kiss! Sooo bad! Yeah—let’s kiss right now! Like right now!!”
“Okay, relax,” Jay chuckles, a bashful yet pleased smile making its way to his face. “I want to, too. But I—I haven’t really kissed a lot before…so don’t laugh if I’m bad at it, okay?”
“I might be bad at it too,” Jake confesses. “It’s okay. No rush between us, remember?”
“That’s right,” Jay nods, breathing in deeply. “I’m ready.”
“Yeah,” Jake breathes, eyes flickering to Jay’s small shiny lips. “Me too.”
None of them move for a few long seconds.
“Are you going to kiss me or what?” Jay whispers, confused.
“What?” Jake asks, equally confused. “I thought you were going to kiss me?”
“Jake,” Jay groans, pressing two fingers against the bridge of his nose. “Why would I kiss you first? I just told you I barely do it!”
“I said that too!”
“But I asked you??”
“Jay,” Jake whines, face burning. “I’ve liked you since we stopped being roommates and realized that I missed you in a non-bro way. Do you know how long that’s been?? I deserve to be kissed first for waiting!”
“Well, I’ve liked you since you were in front of me in line that first day!” Jay exclaimed, fingers clutching against the back of Jake’s sweater. “You were touching your hair too much, and it did that weird floppy thing!”
“You noticed that?” Jake beams, recalling seeing the younger American stealing glances from him in line for their survival show profile pictures. His eyes had been so adorably big even then too. “That’s so romantic!”
“Jake, just do it,” Jay nearly whimpers, lips ghosting over Jake’s, enticingly glossy and pink. “Please, I want to be kissed by you.”
Truthfully, he wanted to kiss Jay so badly. Jake can remember the various times he’d almost done it, so many moments of staring at his crush and looking away giggling because just the thought of pressing their lips together made him giddy. But he could never follow through with it, knew he’d get too excited, and didn’t want to scare Jay off.
But Jay looks so cute and earnest right now, asking, pleading to be kissed. Just confessed that he’s liked Jake since the first time they saw each other. Who is he to say no?
There’s a hitch in Jay’s breath when Jake finally brushes their lips together, and a light yet grounding palm is holding his face still. They’re both nervous, but it’s comforting; their first kiss blanketed just for them.
Jake is careful about it when he presses in harder, lips fully locked together, and Jay is inhaling sharply, sweater paws clawing at his back like he'd realized that he wasn’t fully prepared despite asking for it first.
It’s not a perfect kiss, but it’s sweet and addicting all the same, even when Jake has to take it a little easy when he realizes his thicker, pillowy lips almost cover the entirety of Jay’s glossy, smaller ones.
It’s incredibly easy, taking control of the soft movements and being reassuring through it, letting Jay breathe in between chaste pecks before another long euphoric kiss.
The coldness of the hotel room is irrelevant. Only warmth envelops them now, a cocoon of white sheet over their tangled figures, body heat combining into one, and hot breaths being exchanged through slow velvety kisses. The background white noise is shut out by the quiet wet sounds emitting from their connected lips, every slippery noise causing the inexperienced boys to turn pinkish yet unwilling to pull away.
Jake gets more confident, feeling right at home as their mouths get more and more familiar with each other. He sighs a pleased sound into Jay’s smaller mouth and pokes in an experimental tongue, mild disappointment being quickly replaced by endearment when Jay pulls away and buries his face into his arm.
“Don’t be shy,” Jake chuckles whisperily against him, gingerly pushing Jay onto his back so that he can hover over his upper body. “You asked for this, remember?”
“You’re trying to French kiss me,” Jay hissed shyly, voice muffled in his elbow.
“I basically French kissed your neck already,” Jake reasons. “This isn’t any different.”
“Yes, it is!”
“Come on, Jay,” Jake whines, pulling his arm away to reveal the pretty sight of a post-kissed Jay, blushy and slightly swollen. “Just let me. You don’t have to do anything yet. Just let me keep kissing you.”
Jay trembles underneath him but eventually decides to pull Jake down for more, back to clutching his sweater and lying so pliant for him. It pulls at Jake’s heartstrings when Jay nods, full of trust, and seals their mouths together messily all by himself.
When Jay opens his mouth to invite him in, Jake knows that he’s the only person he’ll ever want to kiss. The languid speed in which their tongues interlock and curl clumsily with each other in slow dancing motions is entirely different than he imagined, perhaps even better than anything he’d daydreamed about in the past.
Underneath him with fingers digging into his hips and a mouth so willing to massage with his own, Jay keeps mewling, making cute sounds and getting too loud as Jake keeps nibbling and lapping at him with his tongue. Jake lets him, thinks his crush should be allowed to express his enthusiasm however he wants, even if the other members are occupying the thin-walled rooms around them.
The sounds urge him on, and Jake finds his hands unzipping the grey sweater and t-shirt underneath in favor of leaving ticklish touches on Jay’s tummy and small waist. He did good by this, the third victory in his kitty book, because Jay shudders and sighs dreamily into the kisses, letting Jake’s strong palm knead his waist and hike his thigh further onto his.
“You are such a cute kisser,” Jake whispers, lips still touching Jay’s, unable to fully pull apart when he’s just finally experienced the soft flesh against his. “I can tell you haven’t done it a lot.”
“I can tell you haven’t done it a lot either,” Jay whispers back shakily. “How can someone drool while kissing, seriously.”
“Hey! I’ve been saving myself for you, that’s why,” Jake grumbles. “Don’t complain because I know you liked it. You were making noises and stuff!”
“Don’t talk about it out loud,” Jay screeches, trying to look around in their dark shell as if someone were there with them. “It’s embarrassing!”
“Everything is embarrassing to you,” Jake says, caressing Jay’s hair again. “When are you going to realize that all the embarrassing things you do are actually cute?”
“Stop being cheesy and just…kiss me again,” Jay demands, trailing off shyly in the end when he makes the request again.
Jake does as he’s told, chuckling lightly before diving back in for more kisses, more eager than before but just as gentle, multitasking with rubbing tongues and patting a round head. After all, Jay will try not to bring this up again, the fact that he asked to be kissed twice and will probably never ask again. But truly, he won’t have to because Jake’s gotten a first taste of his new boyfriend’s mouth, and he can’t be stopped going forward.
Yes, new boyfriend—Jake claims it even if he hasn’t asked yet because no one else is allowed to hold or kiss Jay like he’s doing right now. He has Jay’s first confession from back then, and his new confession just before their kiss already repeated like a mantra in his head. He’ll probably even dream about it, have the words repeated over and over with Jay wrapped in his arms, the second bed abandoned for the night.
Even when they have to get back to their busy reality the next morning—Sunghoon accepting a scolding with an awkward thumbs up, Ni-ki complaining to Jake about flaking on all-nighter gaming again, and Yuki talking their ears off about their next schedules where Jake will unfortunately not get to kiss Jay 24/7—Jay will still like him, and he’d make sure it stays that way.