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"Soooooo, do you think they'll like me?" Mina fidgeted, shifting her weight. Marks on her ankles were already forming from the unfamiliar heels; the pinch of her toes was alleviated for just a moment when she stood on one foot. Did Antivan women really wear these often? She'd been practicing for weeks and she still couldn't nail the effortless way Marisol and Lust walked in them, their whole bodies moving with it.
"Carina, what is not to like?" Marisol's fingers traced Mina's jawline, bringing the other woman down for a quick kiss. "You are part of the Veilguard. Lust and I will be there too."
"And you'll stay next to me? I don't want to be alone in there." Mina scratched at the back of her hand until Marisol tapped it.
"Yes, Lust and I already discussed it. She has to do some things as Rook at the beginning, but one of us will be with you at all times." Marisol said as she adjusted one of the pins in her own hair, the real diamonds sparkled with every movement.
Mina let out a deep breath, smoothing the dress down, the flowers she'd sewn into it already threatening to fall off. Magic sparked at her touch, keeping the petals bright and upright, fighting the droop. "Okay but you Crows are uhhh different and I don't quite get all of the rules you two-"
"Shots!" Lust barged into the room, her long dark hair tied into an updo, its tight sleek look only shown up by the tighter black dress. A far cry from the flowing dresses Marisol had picked out for Mina, "That will solve your problem. Liquid courage."
"I'd rather go -" Mina started to Marisol's bemused grin and Lust's sigh.
"We know you'd rather go smoke a joint, but we want you to enjoy the party, not decide to deep clean the gallery - the First Talon will take it as a personal offense that you think her housekeeping isn't good enough," Lust smirked as she poured out three shots. As much as she wished she could, there was little argument to be made. Marisol and Lust often set up nights for her to smoke simply to make sure the apartment got deep cleaned.
"To a wonderful night!" Marisol picked hers up and held it, waiting for the other two.
"To celebrating all of the Veilguard!" Lust picked hers up, waiting.
"To the two prettiest women in the room!" Mina said with a laugh picking hers up. She squeezed Lust's hand softly as they took the shot - she would be fine. The Crows were prickly but she was used to prickly. Most artifacts in Arlathan were sensitive like that.
And she had both of her girlfriends here right next to her - what could go wrong?
"Now Presenting, Lust DeRiva, Daughter of Viago DeRiva best known as Rook, accompanied by Marisol DeRiva, Master Assassin of House DeRiva, and Min'a'man-"
"It's Min'amahn," Mina whispered; the human crier's nose scrunched up, annoyed by her interruption. But it was her name - it was important, a signifier of clan and purpose.
"Miss Min'amaaan Aldwire, Lighthouse Keeper," The man resumed. He dragged out the sound in her name but didn't say it right, and then changed the whir sound to 'wire'. Her ears dropped, the tips pointed to the ground. Didn't Lust say that the criers practiced the names?
"Its fine, you will need to introduce yourself to everyone anyway," Lust whispered in her ear as they descended the stairs into the crowd. Lust grimaced as she looked back at her partners, "Sorry, I need to go say hello to the heads of state and major groups here. I'll catch up with you two, okay?"
"Lust," Marisol and Mina said in unison. Mina bit her lip and let Marisol continue, "No, Illario."
"But-"
"We've talked about this, Lust-" Mina said, her arms crossed, "You agree every time when he's not around."
"We'll just talk."
"No." The two women said in unison again.
"You promised," Mina whined a little bit. The liquid courage wasn't feeling like enough.
"Alright," Lust huffed, blowing a loose strand of hair out of her face. "You two don't trust me enough."
"We trust you plenty." Marisol said, "Just not about Illario."
"Fine, I'll find you guys in about an hour, alright?" Lust did her best to keep from stomping off, but the tight edges in her shoulder betrayed her frustration.
"I think we need a drink," Marisol said.
Like a lost puppy, Mina followed, letting Marisol's bright smile lead the way. They passed by several tables, taking small flutes of sparkling wine as waiters passed by. No table was safe from Marisol's aura, the electric sparkle in her eyes, and everywhere they went, she seemed to pick up new admirers.
The light radiating off her encompassed Mina, but she couldn't harness it the same way. A lack of status and her own awkwardness made it difficult at the best of times. Antivan Nobles, Orlesian Bards, and Ferelden Ash Warriors had little interest in her. The first table of Crows they spoke with was the most embarrassing.
"So are you a Crow?"
"No, I'm not-" Mina replied to the young man, only to see him turn away from her and back to Marisol, curious to ask about her knife techniques.
"What's the best for working guard duty? They never train us for that. Protecting Rook must have required a unique approach-"
"Oh, it does!" Marisol grinned, delving into the details of rapier and dual dagger techniques. Downing the flute and reaching for another, Mina braced herself for a long night.
Pirate lords laid claim to the next table they visited, at least noticed here. Questions about artifacts, how to confirm their safety, and use were her favorite, and they peppered her. Finally something she understood.
"Next time I find something, we should chat. I'd need to check which gang you're associated with. I don't recognize those tattoos-" The Qunari pirate said, his one eye scanning her face.
"Gang?" Mina asked. "I'm not part of any gang."
"That's what those tattoos are for, right?" The Qunari Pirate lord pointed to the blocky tattoo on his cheek and another on his forehead. "This one lets people know I run with Admiral Isabela and the Llomeryn crew."
"This is Vallaslin… It's a Dalish coming of age ceremony to show where one's values lie." An embarrassing half-truth, but what could any Dalish elf do when the truth of their gods was now public knowledge across all of Thedas? She'd meant it when she picked Sylaise, the home and hearth, healing others, and caring for plants. Those things still mattered. Was that how they looked at her? Like it was a sign of a gang or organized crime?
"We'll have to talk more later, but I see a friend I have been dying to talk with," Marisol pulled her out. She'd finally found one table that liked her, and she'd ruined it.
Mina wasn't quite sure how long they had been doing this. Enough for her to down at least three of those sparkling wine flutes, enough to keep the worry gnawing at her mind at bay, even if it left her dizzy.
She looked around for another passing waiter, her hand empty, and she crossed to the other side of one of the round tables, only to bump into a small group of human nobles, at least she guessed, based on the finery of their clothes.
"So what was your role with the Veilguard then?" The Antivan noble peered up at her, a twisted frown across his face. She felt self-conscious under the scrutiny, an elf too tall, in a sea of humans that weren't used to being looked down at by an elf. Where was Lust? Fenhedis, if she'd run off with Illario again, Mina would be justified in murder. She spotted Marisol's sun-kissed hair spinning around the other tables, slowly moving further away from her.
"They called you the Lighthouse Keeper as I understand it," An Orlesian woman said from behind her brocade mask, the rhinestones too heavy, and the glue starting to melt. "I thought they had a spirit for that."
"The Caretaker? They're so nice," Mina gulped. She threw her hands behind her back to stay focused, not to let them see her scratching at her palm from anxiety. "But they can only maintain, and the damage to the Lighthouse was severe. Bellara brought me in to do repairs - it's a fundamentally unique architecture. The astrolabe repair alone took most of two months-"
A loud yawn broke her story, a man clad in war metals, all of Tevene design, "So you weren't out and about, a real part of the Veilguard-"
"I was with them every day and joined on some key missions where my skills were helpful-"
"But it's not like you're Rook," He continued, the smirk on his face felt so condescending. He wouldn't even look her in the eye, the only one in the circle taller than her, and instead she saw him gazing down the low-cut top of her dress. Why had Marisol convinced her that this low-cut dress was a good idea? Why had Lust insisted she come?
"I'm not Rook, but no one, even them, went on every single mission." She said softly, "The body needs rest. And that means a safe space-"
"It's not as important as fighting the enemy."
"Everything has a place. Keepers protect and maintain the home, warriors go out and fight." Mina felt puzzled; her face stayed stoic, but her ears twitched, growing lopsided. Why did humans never understand the purpose of Keepers, guarding secrets, retaining knowledge, making sure there was something left to come back to?
"This party is for the war heroes - not their hang-ons-" He continued on and Mina felt the flame at the tip of her fingers. The raging need to burn her skin and let him taste it too. Had this asshole even fought at all? She'd been at Weisshaupt, Arlathan, and Minrathous.
"You realize I came with Rook, right?" Mina kept her voice cool.
"She is so generous." The Orlesian woman chuckled as anger consumed Mina's anxiety, the frantic panic that had kept her on edge transformed into a manic wrath. She knew what Rook looked like, completely undone, had tasted her in every position, and memorized every scream- Mina shook her head slightly. She was getting sidetracked… again.
"Minaaaaaaaaaaa," Lust's voice broke the group's attention. "Come dance with meeeee?" Lust was sloshed. Absolutely completely trashed.
"Excuse me," Mina said, pulling Lust with her to the dance floor. It was some slow dance, with set motions everyone knew, but Mina had never seen anything like it before. And now that she saw Lust more clearly, the elven woman could barely stand. Frustrated, Mina pulled Lust to the closest table and pushed her lover into a vacant seat.
"Oh, she's not doing well, is she?" Evka peered over from the other side of the table. The Warden tutted her head softly, "And I was expecting my wardens to be the drunkest here."
"Viago might win his bet. He did say the Crows would go the hardest." Antoine sighed. "I will get her some water. And the most potent pick me up the wardens use for our drunkards."
"That you, that would be amazing." Mina sighed, but Lust grabbed her hands so excitedly, squeezing them tightly.
"Minaaaaaaaaaa, you should be so proud of me."
"I always am, but why this time?" Mina said softly. Evka had moved closer into the seat behind Mina, bemused at the pair before her.
"I talked to Illario - and I didn't kiss him or anything." Lust's eyes sparkled. "I didn't flirt or cry or ask him to take me back or tell him I love him…." Lust carried on the tirade of things she didn't do - all of which were big steps compared to the woman's usual delusional behaviors.
When Lust finally trailed off, no longer rambling off all the things she hadn't asked of Illario, Mina mused softly, "Marisol and I would prefer you didn't talk to him at all, but good job."
"He says he's changed." Lust pouted.
"No." Evka said sternly, "Don't trust the beer goggles."
"I didn't drink any beer," Lust giggled, "Only wine."
"I think you should listen to Evka," Mina mused as Antoine returned, two cups in hand. "She picked a very good man."
"I want a good man." Lust whined as Antoine put the cups before her.
"You have two good girls." Mina laughed, "Is that not enough?"
"Very good girls," Lust sighed. A rush of blood under her skin, but Mina fought it down. Antoine's ears went red at the tip, but he gestured to the cup on the left, which Mina raised to Lust's lips and tilted back. With a grimace, the elven woman drank it, but she gagged at the end, sputtering, "Maker's ass, that tastes like shit."
"Good drink the second one," Evka ordered, her commanding presence snapped Lust into attention. No cajoling or bargaining like Mina required to get Lust to do anything.
"Don't feel too different," Lust said, but her words slurred worse than before, and she slumped to the table.
Mina rounded on Evka and Antoine, "What did you do?"
"It's how it works," Antoine said, "She'll take a little sleep and feel better, helps the alcohol work through her system."
"Back in Orzammar, we called them disco naps," Evka said.
This was easier. She knew Evka and Antoine. Researching what elven artifacts would interact with the blight, help clear it from territories, and seeing if they could recreate the blight cleansing Solas had managed occupied much of Mina and Antoine's time anyway. And if Evka wasn't happy, she didn't show it; the soft smile as she gazed at Antoine's excitement reminded her of when she caught Marisol looking at her like that.
"Mina! Lust!" Marisol threw herself onto Mina's lap, a small tray with multiple shot glasses and a bottle sliding onto the table next to her with a dexterity that Mina could only dream of. Marisol's face was flushed and Lust roused herself up with a bleary smile, as the short blonde elf started to pour a new beverage. "Tequila Shots! Antoine, Evka - care to join?"
The older couple exchanged a glance before shaking their heads. Evka leaned over on her hand, elbow on the table, "Too many wardens to look after tonight. And I'm still trying to meet with the new Grand Enchanter and I need to stay sober for that."
"Joder," Lust grumbled as she straightened up, "That shit hit me like a freight train, but damn I feel ready to jump back in."
The three lovers poured their heads back, downing the shot but Mina barely blinked back the heat in her throat when Marisol was pushing the next one into her hands. Another one after that and her esophagus scalded, worse than the pain of her fire magic.
Hands led her to the dance floor, pulling, twirling, Marisol's smile and Lust's laughter. They were on the dance floor. When had they gotten there? She didn't know but the mood had changed. No longer the choreographed arrangements, but instead the lights darkened and drums shook the ground.
The beat was rhythmic and felt like home - like Dalish bonfires on the eve of the Solstice. She could jump up and down to it fine - this was working. Her hair had fallen loose, and she kicked off the uncomfortable heels; it was becoming too difficult to dance in them anyway. The long locks moved so nicely when Marisol threw her arm around Mina's and twirled her around.
She pulled Marisol in for a kiss, the other blonde elf swirling her around as they both pulled Lust into the center of the arms, dance and hug intertwined.
Mina spun around again. Someone grabbed her hand and pulled her away. Was that Davrin? It looked like him, and then he was gone again. But the music flowed through her, and now, barefoot on the tiles, she felt content, twirling around.
Spinning lights, no, the lights weren't spinning, she was. Okay, the dress was fun. Swish swish swish. She just wanted to shake back and forth like to feel the sway of the fabric. Okay, this was good - the Antivan fashion was good for something, even if it took forever to put on.
Time ceased to exist, she just liked the movement at this point, her hand in another, strangers moving around each other, the chaotic haze of release and solitude, found in the nexus of others. There was catharsis in it.
A hand around her waist, grip tight, pulled her in, breaking the peace.
"Now, little rabbit, look at you all alone," A whiskey-ridden baritone drawled in her ear. The Tevene noble, the metallic badges across his chest poked into her skin from behind.
"Let go of me shem," Mina tried to pull back, but he tightened his grip more. while another hand reached around her to grab at her breast. No, no, no no she shouldn't have worn this dress, it was too low cut, she hated him.
"You could be good for something-" His voice was heavy, but Mina wasn't listening. The flame at her fingers tore through her as she pressed her hand over his, scorching the skin, searing it. He pulled away, releasing her as he cried out, "You little bitch-"
Whatever the rest of his tirade, she was already on the move. It was better to be with Marisol or Lust. They said they would stay next to her, make sure it went okay, where were they? Mina used her height to peer over the seas of the crowds. Just taller than the average human - if she jumped she had a good vantage.
Marisol's blonde hair was all the way across the dance floor, spinning back and forth, somehow partnered with at least eight people. If she got the edge, she could make her way over there. She pushed herself through the crowd to the nearest wall, the large pillars making simple nooks where couples embraced. She shied her eyes away from the nearest couple, whose state of undress was a bit excessive considering the event.
Throat tightening, bile built up in her stomach, the unpleasant queasiness, anxiety, and fear. Did either of them even realize she was missing and alone? Forcing herself against the throngs of dancers and lovers, or at least something close to that, Mina fought the claustrophobia, the locked-in sensation.
She just wanted to leave. But Marisol had the key to the apartment. She didn't want to go to the suite upstairs. Lucanis had lent it to the trio, yet she wanted the little apartment above the bakery, where the sheets smelled like them and the lilacs needed her magic to stay upright. Freshly baked cornetto drifting in through the window when she woke always made things better and she needed that right now.
Terribly, horribly, absolutely would cry without some relief like that right now, considering the second worst thing of the night was occurring right in front of her.
"Lust?" Mina's eyes widened as she saw her lover, pushed against the wall, her lips locked with Illario Dellamorte, his hand between her legs. She promised. How many times had Marisol and her talked with Lust about why Illario was bad news? He cheated on her! Attacked her! Tried to kill his own cousin! (Although Marisol and Lust both assured her that was actually standard practice in Antiva, especially the Crows and shouldn't be held against him.) And yet they weren't good enough, and she kept going back to him.
The three of them weren't exclusive. That was fine. She knew the score. But god, anyone else would be fine - just not Illario.
"Minaaaa?" Lust separated from Illario's lips but the man didn't stop. His head buried in her collarbone, kisses trailed up and down her neck, and that left Lust whimpering between words. "Its not what it looks like - he's changeddd-"
"Fuck this," Mina's lower lip trembled as she pushed forward, towards the staircase. Arm braced against the wall to hold herself upright, everything felt dizzy, her head too big for her frame. Every motion felt like a thud. Where was Marisol again? How had she gotten to the other side of the dance floor again?
Blinking back tears, it was all too much; she didn't want to be here at all.
And now she had to pee. Desperately. She clung to the wall and saw a sign pointing to a lavatory under the stairs. Rocking as she walked back, her hand against the wall to ground herself, Mina felt herself sniffling as she made it into the blessedly empty restroom. She threw herself into a stall and made her way back to the sinks.
She couldn't help but examine herself in the mirror as she washed her hands. The makeup Lust and Marisol spent an hour on was smudging, her eyeliner no longer crisp but a cloudy smear. Why was Lust kissing him? Did Marisol even realize she wasn't there?
The first tear hit her hand, white knuckles as her fingernails dug into the skin, the second and third fell in tandem with the muted beat of the drum under the haze of the bass filtering in the dance floor. She was just making everything worse, again.
Her lip trembled, and the sobs wracked her body, heaving cries. She dug the palm of one hand into her eye to try and ebb the flow, but if anything, it made it worse.
What a fucking baby. Mina had ruined everything. Everything was too much, and they didn't even care.
The door opened, and Mina tried to stop the crying, but the quarter of a second she held the tears back only made them come back harder.
Mina could see the stranger through her tears, their reflections staring at each other in the mirror. The silver-haired elven woman was familiar - maybe a crow from Cantori or DeRiva that she'd seen around? She tried to get out an apology, she was making a mess of this woman's night now too, but the s's in sorry turned into a new round of sobbing.
"You came with Marisol and Lust," The woman said, bluntly, sternly, not a question but a statement of fact. She paused for a second, her ear twitching, "Stay here. Do not move."
Right, because Mina was going to go out there sobbing like a baby. She was an embarrassment, but at least one Clan Aldwir, the Veil Jumper, and her girlfriends could hide away. She nodded, and the woman disappeared just as fast as she'd arrived.
Solitude didn't give her respite; her mind blazed with a thousand ways she'd failed tonight and the thousand more where she'd been left alone. She wasn't built for Crow life. Creators, they didn't even have real flowers in the bathroom, instead some weird felt things doused in perfume.
Why bother going back to the apartment at all? Maybe she should just go back to Arlathan; at least then her failings wouldn't be so public?
"Mina?" Lust wrapped her arms around her as she came up behind her. Mina hadn't even heard her, but the smaller woman dug her face into Mina's back. "I'm sorry. Please don't cry love, please."
Mina let out a fresh flood of tears, her body shaking, as Lust gripped her tighter. "No I'm sorry I messed-"
"You didn't mess anything up. Come here," Lust pulled her down to sit on the floor.
"No its dirty-"
"You literally sit on dirt all of the time-"
"Not in a pretty dress-"
"I will get it cleaned. Sit down, please, Mina," Lust pulled her down, pulling the dalish elf's head to her shoulder, one hand petting her scalp. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know you said not to talk to Illario. I'm trying so hard and he's just so distracting and I'm so sorry-"
"Mina!" The door clanged open, and Marisol's eyes went wide. "I'm so so so sorry,"
"Better be," The silver-haired elf muttered as she followed Marisol in. Marisol threw herself on the ground with the other two and pressed her lips to Mina's head.
"I didn't even realize you weren't next to me."
"I lost," Mina tried to talk, but hiccups were starting to mix with the cries, "both of -hiccup-you in the -hiccup- crowd."
"I was so used to you following me that I assumed you were just always behind - it wasn't until Azzurra told me you were in here-" Marisol pressed another kiss to her forehead, "that I realized I hadn't seen you in over an hour."
"And some guy grabbed -hiccup- me and wouldn't let go-" Mina whimpered, but that seemed to catch the silver-haired woman's - Azzurra?- attention, her eye brow shooting up, arms crossed as he leaned against the opposite wall.
"Who?"
"Hiccup- I don't know-" Mina hiccuped but tried to keep going, "Tevene Noble, he had -hiccup- a lot of medals on."
"The one I found you talking to earlier?" Lust asked, and at Mina's nod, she whipped her head to Azzura, "Lord Aloyius Invictus - from Pyre- take care of it Azzurra."
Azzura's stoic face changed in an instant, a feral grin stretched out, the scar tugged against the skin with the mercantile glee. She swept out of the room in an instant. Fingers scratched against Mina's scalp, bringing her back to the moment. "I burned his hands, I'm sorry - he's going to cause a problem, I know it -"
"That's not a problem -" Lust tried to calm her.
"People were groping each other everywhere -hiccup- that must be a human -hiccup- custom no one told me-"
"Its not!" Lust growled, "Don't spend one thought on what trouble he'll try to make."
"Don't worry about that," Marisol cooed. "He's not a big deal. And if he is, we assassinate enough of his family that he isn't anymore."
It was a joke. Or what passed for a joke with the Crows, but something in that just triggered a fresh wave of tears. Blood already stained her hands, more than she could account for; she didn't know how to exist like they did, and the idea of more spilled on her behalf didn't improve it.
"Okay, okay, okay, we won't kill them um…" Lust pondered for a second, "We'll sic our merchants on them and reduce them to commoners. It's okay. You're okay. We're right here."
"You're not -hiccup- not gonna run off with Illario again?" Mina grumbled, the last wave of tears abating, and she felt her head clear slightly. She could breathe again, the hiccups still erupted, her skin felt flushed and tight, a headache blossoming in her sinuses, but the terror, the panic, that had gripped her, released its vice-like hold.
Marisol's glare, Lust's grimace, an entire conversation without a single word. For a moment, none of them talked before Marisol rolled her shoulders and, with a flick of her hair, said stiffly, "A conversation for tomorrow."
Lust nodded. "I think we should go home."
"No wait this is your big party-" Mina said. She had already ruined everything for herself. "And you love parties Marisol -"
"Okay, but I love parties with cute girls and you are not in a party mood-" Marisol said booping Mina's nose.
"You should both stay. Its fine I'll leave. I'm ruining everything-"
"You ruined nothing. We didn't take good care of you." Lust said softly.
"I'm sorry -" Mina tried again only for Marisol to pinch her.
"Say that again and you'll get worse than a pinch," She said.
"Well now you're just going to inspire her to say it more -" Lust grinned. Her lips curling into a smile. "I mean well that's what I'm thinking about now."
"Oh I'm sorry I forgot you're both freaky little kinky princesses who like it when I'm mean to them." Marisol's lip curled. "C'mon lets get you home and I'll say sorry properly."
"In the morning," Mina muttered. "My head hurts."
"Water. You need water. Or whatever Evka and Antoine gave me," Lust said as the trio stood. "Maker, Mina you're so tall. Its gonna be hard to support you."
"At least she lost the heels." Marisol grinned.
"Ugh, you really shouldn't walk barefoot in Treviso-"
"Sss fine," Mina leaned into Lust, the other woman's perfumed hair felt so familiar and warm as Marisol's hand curled into hers. "Can't be worse than Blight in Arlathan."
"Did you go barefoot in Arlathan? I thought I expressly forbid that-" Lust growled, shifting Mina closer to her.
"You were trapped in the Fade," Marisol flipped her hair. "So Mina was trying to track down items to make the replacement Lyrium dagger-" Mina let the two of them talk, their words washing over her in a soft haze, like the sounds of sleeping in the aravel while the clan elders spoke about the next move outside. It was fine, to lean in, let the move in waves.
Treviso was still so strange to her, the cobbled roads, wet with sea water, the salt in the air, the lack of trees, but even in the earliest hours of the morning, Mina saw the signs of life. Bakery windows lighting up, the town criers starting to light the lanterns with new oil, the first traders setting up their stalls anew. She missed the early morning squawks and squeals of the birds, the way if you listened close you could hear the creaking of the Sylvans, pretending to be normal trees.
She should make Lust or Marisol buy her cornettos in the morning - that would help - probably - maybe. But she would ask either way, because even if the hangover was half as bad as she expected, the pastries tasted like them and the little life here.
Maybe the next party would be better. Or maybe next time they'd let her stay home. But she was so happy she'd found them again.