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“Ready?” Kaaras asked, and by way of answer, Dorian took two steps forward and threw open the doors to the Gull & Lantern. Kaaras silently followed behind, but just a few steps into the establishment, they both paused.
“Uh-oh. Nobody’s here. This doesn’t bode well,” Dorian commented nervously, and Kaaras started calling a spell to his fingertips, just to be ready. So when a figure moved from the staircase, Kaaras nearly threw a fireball (an action he would later half-regret not following through).
“Dorian,” the man said, and while Kaaras kept his eyes on the new figure, he still saw Dorian’s back and shoulders tense.
“Father.” Suddenly, Kaaras worried that bringing Dorian along may have been a mistake. Perhaps he should have scoped out the tavern first and then let Dorian know who was inside instead? Dorian glanced back at him, and Kaaras could see that Dorian was already onslaught with a mix of emotions.
Kaaras didn’t know much about Dorian’s relationship with his family, since while the man loved talking, that was one subject he tended to avoid, and Kaaras wasn’t one to press. Now, however, he wished he had asked more questions, because when it came to family, he had no experience to call on whatsoever, and he wasn’t sure what to do.
“So the whole story about the ‘family retainer’ was just… what? A smoke screen?”
“Then you were told,” Halward said as he approached a few more steps. “I apologize for the deception, Inquisitor. I never intended for you to be involved.”
Kaaras frowned, it wasn’t him the Magister should be apologizing to, after all, but Dorian spoke up first.
“Of course not. Magister Pavus couldn’t come to Skyhold and be seen with the Dread Inquisitor. What would people think?” he spat, and Halward frowned more, but Dorian wasn’t done. “What is ‘this’ exactly, Father? Ambush? Kidnapping? Warm family reunion?” he demanded, venom dripping from his every word.
Kaaras took a step forward to be at Dorian’s flank. It seemed like the mage would start casting spells at any moment, and Kaaras wanted to be ready to back him up if that were the case, but the elder Pavus hardly seemed concerned as he sighed.
“This is how it has always been,” he directed at Kaaras. The Inquisitor had to force himself to keep his voice level as he replied, aggravated on Dorian’s behalf. What sort of man called another out to the middle of nowhere but wouldn’t address him directly? He acted like Dorian was a child having a tantrum.
“Considering you lied to get him here, Dorian has every right to be furious,” Kaaras said, taking another step towards Dorian, but Dorian spun back towards him.
“You don’t know the half of it!” he snapped, but then paused. “But maybe you should.”
“Dorian, there’s no need to—“ Halward started, looking aggravated, but Dorian continued, undeterred.
“I prefer the company of men. My father disapproves.”
“That’s… a big concern in Tevinter, then?” Kaaras asked, not really understanding. Could something like that really matter so much to create such a rift between family members? To Kaaras, it seemed as ridiculous to be upset over as if Halward had been upset that Dorian’s eyes were dark. Dorian’s eyes were just as much a part of him as his preferences. What was there to be upset about?
In any case, Kaaras’s confusion tempered his own anger, but Dorian’s only seemed to burn even hotter.
“Only if you’re trying to live up to an impossible standard,” he replied, glaring at a wall near Kaaras, not looking at him, but pointedly not looking at his father either. “Every Tevinter family is intermarrying to distill the perfect mage, perfect body, perfect mind. The perfect leader. It means every perceived flaw—every aberration—is deviant and shameful,” he explained before glaring at his father. “It must be hidden.”
Halward looked ashamed, although Kaaras couldn’t tell if the man felt ashamed for whatever he’d done to make Dorian so enraged, or if it was because Dorian had admitted his preferences. For Dorian’s sake, Kaaras hoped it was the former, but he was still baffled.
“So that’s what this is about?” he asked, looking at Halward before turning to Dorian again. “Who you sleep with?”
Not for the first time in Dorian’s presence, Kaaras wished he had better people skills. Maybe then he could understand what he should be doing other than asking stupid questions, but how anyone could be anything other than impressed by Dorian was completely beyond him.
“That’s not all it’s about,” Dorian replied, sounding like he was about to explain more, but Halward spoke up again.
“Dorian, please. If you’ll only listen to me.”
“Why?” he demanded, stepping towards Halward. Once again, Kaaras wondered if it was going to come to blows. “So you can spout more convenient lies?” he asked, and Halward said nothing as Dorian got close enough to throw a punch. Kaaras stepped forward again, ready to help defend Dorian just in case, but instead the mage kept talking. “He taught me to hate blood magic. ‘The resort of a weak mind.’ Those are his words. But what was the first thing you did when your precious heir refused to play pretend for the rest of his life?” Dorian said, stepping away, and suddenly Kaaras’s stomach felt like a block of ice. Maker. “You tried to change me!”
“I only wanted what was best for you!” Halward protested, but Dorian wasn’t having it.
“You wanted the best for you! Your fucking legacy! Anything for that!” He spat, then retreated to lean against the bar.
Bringing Dorian in without scoping ahead was definitely a terrible decision, and Kaaras nearly felt sick at his own naiveté. Still, Dorian was the main concern at the moment, so he followed him, clenching his hands to keep from reaching out to try to comfort Dorian that way. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do, but he knew he needed to support Dorian somehow.
“What do you want to do, Dorian?” Kaaras asked, and Dorian just looked up at him, still a mess of emotions. Kaaras clenched his fists again but didn’t betray his own emotions. This was too personal a thing for him to influence Dorian one way or the other, even if he sorely wanted to break the Magister’s nose.
Dorian stared down at his hands down at his hands for a moment but then straightened his back and walked back towards his father.
“Tell me why you came,” he demanded. Suddenly, Kaaras felt almost overwhelmingly proud to have Dorian as a comrade and nearly unbearably angry at his father for not feeling the same way about having Dorian as a son.
“If I knew I would drive you to the Inquisition—”
“You didn’t! I joined the Inquisition because it’s the right thing to do,” he said hotly, but then all of his anger seemed to drain out of him into bitter disappointment. “Once, I had a father who would have known that.” Then Dorian turned to leave and Kaaras moved to follow.
“Once I had a son who trusted me. A trust I betrayed,” Halward said just as Dorian’s hand hovered over the door handle. He paused and turned around as his father continued. “I only wanted to talk to him. To hear his voice again. To ask him to forgive me.”
Dorian gaped before looking to Kaaras again with a silent question written all over his face. “What do I do?”
“If you want to stay, I’ll be right outside,” Kaaras promised. Dorian seemed to steel himself and nodded before cautiously walking back towards his father. The Inquisitor walked out the door and followed his word, leaning against the frame the moment the door shut behind him. Silently, he glared out across the yard as he listened vigilantly, listening for the slightest sound of trouble while trying not to listen to the actual details of their conversation.
Eventually, Dorian came back out. He gave Kaaras a short nod but avoided eye contact. Kaaras frowned with concern but followed Dorian silently, worrying now that he had intruded too much into something far too personal. He resolved to just give Dorian his space and not talk about it unless the other mage brought it up.
That, however, meant that their return to Skyhold was nearly silent. In fact, Dorian didn’t even comment on the cold when the sun set, and they only spoke when Kaaras suggested that they make camp for the night to avoid traveling through the treacherous Frostbacks in the dark. Normally Kaaras wouldn’t have been bothered by it, but since his worry for Dorian and his own fear that he had intruded far too much left his mind spinning without the banter that tended to arise with his usual party.
Should he have just burned the letter without ever giving it to Dorian? Should he have stayed with Dorian instead of waiting outside the Tavern? Should he have left sooner? Should he have suggested they leave after all?
Once they made it back to Skyhold and were handing off their mounts, however, Dorian was lingering and seemed like he was trying to decide if he wanted to say something or not, so Kaaras finally spoke up.
“I should stop by the war room to pick up the latest reports. I can come by the library afterwards, though, if you’d like?” he suggested. Dorian looked up at him, surprised, but then looked away just as quickly, saying nothing but giving a nod before handing over his mount’s reigns to the stable hand and then heading into the keep.
Kaaras watched him go, frowning as the man still seemed lost in thought. Normally Dorian walked purposefully, like he owned the keep and had important business wherever he was going, but something about his movement just wasn’t as sharp as usual. Shaking his head, Kaaras snapped himself out of it and headed into the main keep as well. He made his way into the empty war room and gathered the reports, then dropped them off in his chambers to muddle through later before heading to the library.
Dorian spoke the moment Kaaras reached the alcove.
“He says we’re alike. Too much pride. Once I would’ve been overjoyed to hear him say that. Now I’m not certain. I don’t know if I can forgive him,” he said, and Kaaras stood there, surprised for a moment. Forgive? Kaaras certainly had no intention of forgiving the Magister, and he wasn’t even the one whose trust had been betrayed.
Quickly, he shook away his thoughts. His own feelings didn’t matter at the moment. Dorian was the one he was concerned about.
“Are you alright?”
“No. Not really,” he answered honestly. Kaaras was a little surprised, but glad for it.
“If you’d like to talk about it, what happened before, or at the tavern or… Whatever you want. I’m listening. Now or any other time.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Dorian replied, bud Kaaras shook his head.
“I want to. But if you’d rather not talk, I understand,” he said. Dorian stared out the window for a while longer as Kaaras waited. Eventually he wondered if he should just go and leave Dorian alone, but then he spoke up.
“He was going to do a blood ritual. Alter my mind. Make me… Acceptable,” he said, and Kaaras felt his gut ice over again. So he hadn’t misunderstood. “I found out. I left.”
“Could blood magic actually do that?” Kaaras prodded when it seemed Dorian wasn’t going to go on.
“Maybe. It could also have left me a drooling vegetable,” he said, glancing back at Kaaras for a moment. “It crushed me to think he found that absurd risk preferable to scandal. Part of me has always hoped he didn’t really want to go through with it,” Dorian admitted. Kaaras felt like all the breath was knocked out of him. “If he had… I can’t even imagine the person I would be now. I wouldn’t like that Dorian.”
There was a pause again, and Kaaras wasn’t sure what to say, but Dorian spoke up this this time.
“Thank you for bringing me out there,” Dorian said, finally moving away from the window to look at Kaaras properly. “It wasn’t what I expected, but… it’s something. Maker knows what you must think of me now, after that whole display.”
“I think you’re very brave,” Kaaras replied without hesitation, which obviously startled the other mage.
“Brave?”
“It’s not easy to abandon tradition and walk your own path,” he tried to explain. Apparently, it was explanation enough since Dorian smiled just a little.
All of a sudden, Kaaras felt like it was much easier to breathe. He hadn’t realized just how concerned he had been about Dorian until he realized that the man would be okay.
“At any rate, time to drink myself into a stupor. It’s been that sort of day. Join me sometime, if you’ve a mind,” Dorian suggested, and Kaaras paused for a moment before giving a nod. He couldn’t bring himself to just leave Dorian alone now, and even when things were tense, Kaaras enjoyed the man’s company—which was problematic, usually, but since he could convince himself this was for Dorian’s sake this time, he could get away with it.
“Should I raid the cellar? Or will tavern ale work?” Kaaras asked, and Dorian gave a slightly surprised laugh at the usually-distant Tal Vashoth’s easy agreement.
“I’m not of a mind to enjoy a proper drink as one should. Best to save that stash for next time,” he suggested, and Kaaras tried valiantly to ignore heat spreading at the back of his neck at Dorian’s suggestion that this would happen again.
Maker he was in trouble.
“Then lead on,” Kaaras gestured, and together they headed into the tavern with every intention of pickling themselves all night.