Chapter Text
It was 3am when Ryo flung the blanket off the bed, groaning heavily as he began the start of his typical work day. At this hour, not even the raucous crows who lived outside his apartment building were awake to stir up trouble, and so Ryo’s mornings were always fairly peaceful. If only his own goddamned mind could shut the fuck up, then everything would be perfect. But alas, he hadn’t been able to silence his inner voice for years now. It lived in his head like a parasite, leeching any semblance of joy before it could blossom into something else and leaving him with nothing but a hollow bitterness he knew all too well.
They were familiar friends now, him and his resentment. Trusty companions that only death could separate, Ryo wasn’t even sure if he remembered what it was like without the sour taste in his mouth. He’d probably go into shock if that day were to come, but well, it had already been twenty-six years. What were the true odds of things changing now?
Ryo went through his routine on autopilot, his body working through the motions whilst his mind remained absent, lost in his usual bouts of self-loathing. He chewed the food on his plate, but tasted none of it. Even the shitty black coffee he’d bought on sale barely stirred his disgust anymore. It was as though he’d become mist, a foggy entity that could pass through things like a ghost, but was unable to interact or feel any of it.
At this point, was he really human, or just some kind of pitiful spectre still earthbound due to lingering, unresolved feelings and regret?
The only thing capable of drawing him back to his bleak reality was the unread message on his phone, a message that had come at 11pm the previous evening. Only then did Ryo feel something sharp and heavy settle in with the bitterness: envy. With narrowed eyes, Ryo opened up the message, reading Jamie’s sloppy text with far too much interest for a man who he could no longer comfortably call a friend.
Jamie: hey bruv! wehavent met up ina while. wanna get drinks on sat night? theres a new bar openin up and its gettin boring witout anyone to drink me under the table ya
As always, Jamie’s messages were riddled with typos and poor punctuation. Ryo resented how endeared he was to Jamie’s way of messaging that so clearly embodied who he was as a person; warm and friendly, but totally, unabashedly careless. Whatever harm he caused was never intentional - Ryo knew that Jamie didn’t have a malicious bone in his body - but the firebird had never been one for tact or delicacy. Like a bull in a china store, Jamie blazed through life firing on all cylinders, his scorching heat sometimes just a little too hot that it burned those around him.
Ryo had been one of those harmed by Jamie’s inexhaustible wildfire ways, and the scars had never quite healed. It was precisely for this reason that he never responded to Jamie’s messages until he was about to leave for work, when no sane person would still be awake. He didn’t want to have a proper conversation, to exchange texts or godforbid, actually have a real chat with Jamie. It wasn’t because he didn’t care for Jamie, because he did, and he knew deep down that he always would care. But if he learnt more about Jamie’s life, he would inevitably hear about the people he spent time with, and there would be no greater way to rub salt in the wound than that.
It was stupid and childish to still feel this way even years after the fact over something beyond either of their control, but well, Ryo had always been a petty guy. He knew with certainty that the earth would crumble beneath his feet before he was able to move on. So they continued this awkward, halting conversation between them, with Ryo answering only when Jamie was fast asleep, and the cycle had repeated for years now. Ryo had no intention of ending the current status quo, so he typed out a short excuse about being busy with work before he put Jamie back on ‘do not disturb’ and shut off his phone.
Ryo sighed wearily, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He’d only been awake for fifteen minutes, yet already he felt drained, bone weary and utterly exhausted. Ignoring the feeling with a veteran’s ease, Ryo got up and left for work. No matter how shit he felt inside, the world never stopped spinning, so he either had to keep up or get left behind. Ryo chose the former, and it was as simple as that.
It was spring now, which meant the days weren’t as cold as the winter that had passed. In saying that, the weather hardly mattered at three in the fucking morning. No matter the time of year, it was usually chilly, and Ryo gritted his teeth as he rode his shitty bike to the bakery where he worked. The loud, grafting shriek of the pedals beneath his feet felt out of place amidst the calm of the early morning, but it felt fitting in a way. Ryo was the same; an existence that the world seemed determined to ostracise. He could never be on the inside; he was forever doomed to stand out in all the wrong ways.
Whatever, so be it. Ryo thought defiantly, pedalling harder so he could escape the chilly wind trying to knock his bike over. It was fortunate the bakery was only a ten minute bike ride away.
It was a Wednesday, meaning that it was his turn to open the shop and begin prepping the dough. Ryo rather liked the opening shift; he found the solitude relaxing and the manual labour a decent distraction. Given his condition, Ryo had never been able to relax in the presence of others, so even if it meant more work for himself, he preferred it over having someone help him.
Ryo was better off alone, and that had been the motto of his life for as long as he could remember.
Contrary to popular belief, working at a bakery was far from easy. The layman liked to think it was just about throwing pies or bread into an oven and then serving it to the customers, but they never stopped to consider how the dough was made, and all the types of dough that needed to be prepared to create all the fun little sweets they liked to enjoy. At their local bakery, the shop produced around ten different types, and it was Ryo’s duty to make sure there was always enough of each whilst also preparing the day's sweets and bread for consumption.
With the kilns firing up behind him, Ryo began this arduous task. He worked like a machine and even before an hour had passed, he was already starting to sweat in his long-sleeve compression shirt. Of course, he could remove it to get some minor relief, but Ryo would have to put it back on when the other workers arrived and he found that more unpleasant than just bearing with the heat. Besides, he was used to sweating, and as long as he remembered to occasionally drink some water, he would be fine.
His boss arrived at around 5:30 along with another two helpers. He acknowledged them with a brief nod as he continued to work, though his chatterbox of a boss engaged in conversation anyway.
“Good morning Yoru, how did you sleep?” Hao was a man who also looked wildly out of place in a cosy little local bakery, much like Ryo himself. He was a tall man, with intricate tattoos trailing down his neck and right arm in a way that his clothes couldn’t hide. Hao never wore them to work of course, but it was plain to see that his ears were pierced in four different locations, meaning that he presumably wore them when he wasn’t at work and there wasn’t a risk of the metal burning in the sweltering hot kitchen. It would have been fair to say that Hao looked more like he belonged at a metal concert, and he gave off a somewhat dangerous first impression.
But his pretty, almost androgynous-like features softened people’s impressions of him to the point where they were at least willing to listen to Hao first before running for the hills. He used this opening very well, weaponising his gentle voice and smile to lure people in, and that was part of the reason why the bakery hadn’t flopped since day one. Hao may have looked different, but his people skills were top notch and he was very well loved by everyone in the neighbourhood.
“Like shit.” Ryo responded frankly, pulling disposable gloves over his hands. Hao watched the movement with a somewhat sad smile, but didn’t comment even though he probably wanted to. They’d had this conversation for years, but Ryo’s stance remained unchanged: if there were people around, then the gloves stayed on. Ryo had never told Hao the true reason why he avoided physical contact because he knew how outlandish it sounded from the outside, but his boss had made his own assumptions and earnestly wanted to help Ryo feel more at ease around others.
It was a nice sentiment, but utterly pointless because there was no ‘cure’ for Ryo. This wasn’t an affliction that would get better over time. No matter what he did, no matter how much he prayed, nothing would change. This was his curse, his punishment, and it was his alone to bear. He kept this to himself, however. There was no sense in burdening an outsider with his own incurable problem.
“Ah, your morning cheer always lifts my spirits, Yoru. What would we do without you here?” Hao said with a fond smile, one that faintly stirred his own amusement. He snorted.
“Probably go bankrupt in a week. You’re shit at kneading dough.”
“I can’t deny that. It puts me to shame that I’m the one with a cooking degree and not you.” It was genuine praise which Ryo ignored. He’d never responded well to praise, because it wasn’t something he’d been accustomed to in his youth. Ryo would take a beating any day over being made to listen to someone complimenting him.
“Whatever. Are you going to make yourself useful, or are you gonna watch me until opening?” Ryo asked snidely, causing Hao to laugh as he put an apron on and got ready.
“Of course, of course, no need to tell me twice honey~.” It was familiar banter between them. Ryo had sworn off relationships and Hao was already committed to a young, angelic man who seemed to glow whenever he smiled. But the other workers affectionately called them ‘work husbands’ due to how close they’d become over the years just by working alongside one another, and Ryo tolerated it all with a roll of his eyes. Even he couldn’t deny that it was a little amusing working at the bakery sometimes.
“Oh yeah, I need to pop out at 8:00 to see the accountant.” Hao said as he put the apple pies in the oven. “It’ll be just you, Lily and Sven until 9:00. Will you three be okay?”
Ryo made a dismissive gesture. “It's Wednesday morning, we’ll be fine you, worrywart. I’d be more concerned about what you’re going to say to the accountant.” Even though Ryo stayed far away from the business side of things, he knew about Hao’s somewhat sketchy accounting practices well.
Hao’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “Worried about my methods, are you?”
Ryo shrugged, his entire countenance reflecting how blasé he felt about the topic. It was true, he didn’t give a fuck where the money came from. As long as his paychecks were being deposited into his bank account every week, he couldn’t care less about whatever dodgy, under the table shit his boss was working.
“You know I don’t give a shit. Just make sure it at least appears legal on the outside. I don’t want trouble from the tax office.”
“As you command, boss.” Hao mocked saluted, earning him a withering look that he took in stride.
But as opening hour approached, the banter quieted down so they could make sure everything was finished before the store opened. They’d just barely finished when it ticked over to 7:00, where they welcomed their first customers of the day.
Of course, Ryo made sure to stay far removed from the customer service aspect of the job. Instead, he worked at the bench beside the large, clear window, where customers outside the shop could stop and see what he was doing. It was just another way to attract customers without decreasing work productivity, and Ryo didn’t mind being ogled at by kids every now and then. As long as he didn’t have to talk to them, then it was fine.
As always, the shop was busy at opening, and Hao’s chatter and laughter filled the air. Ryo listened passively, hearing about the news of Sheila's newborn grandson and James’ recent relationship mishaps. Even if he rarely spoke to them, Ryo remembered almost everything about the customers who happily ate his baked goods every single day. Perhaps it was cheesy, but it gave Ryo some degree of satisfaction knowing that he had a loyal customer base who returned frequently to eat his food. It was his one joy in life, and Ryo latched onto it fiercely.
At 8:00, Hao left the storefront to Lily whilst he went to sort out the accounts. None of this mattered to Ryo, however, who usually worked by the window until around 4:00 when he could finally clock off. Engrossed in his work, he didn’t initially notice the presence of another beyond the glass window, not until he stood back and wiped the sweat from his brow.
Ryo was used to scrutiny; his little work table was literally designed for him to be seen, but usually, it was from kids who were naturally curious about everything. So when he looked up to see a tall, striking man staring intently at him, well, Ryo was certainly caught off guard.
The man flicked his gaze up from Ryo’s hands, the molten gold of his eyes piercing in a way that had Ryo’s breath hitching slightly, feeling like a deer under headlights. It only got worse when the man smiled at him, waved, and then continued to watch him instead of moving on like a normal person who’d been caught staring. It made Ryo feel oddly self-conscious in a way he hadn’t felt for years.
What was wrong with this guy? His attire suggested he was a businessman, so why wasn’t he rushing to work like literally every other suited man and woman at this hour? Was watching a guy slapping dough around really that interesting, or was he going through a midlife crisis where an abrupt change in career became strangely appealing? Either way, Ryo felt unsettled as he worked, as he felt those bewitching eyes trail over his arms and hands, so carefully watching his every move. He felt seen in a way he hadn’t felt in years, and the feeling frightened him more than anything else.
It couldn’t have been very long before the pressure finally lifted, and Ryo let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding, curiously relieved now that he was alone again. This was why he hated people; they were unpredictable and Ryo had never liked surprises. Shaking off his unease from earlier, Ryo moved to take the croissants out of the kiln when he heard Lily’s surprised squeak from the front.
“T-Two of everything?! U-Um, sure! Just… Just let me get some backup here, I don’t think we’ve ever had an order this large before haha.”
“You deal with the croissants.” Ryo instructed Sven before he made his way to the front of the shop. He was both surprised and unsurprised to see the same gentleman from earlier standing by the counter. Upon seeing Ryo, his lips curved up into a smile.
“Yoru!” Lily looked like she was about to cry tears of relief. She’d only been working at the bakery for three months and so there were often times when she needed a bit of extra help. This was evidently one of those times. “The gentleman over here just ordered two of everything on display. How do we go about this?”
“Are you serious right now?” Ryo asked neutrally, addressing the customer with the most placid expression he could manage. Hao had told him time and time again that he needed to work on his customer service face, but it was always so stiff that it made people more uncomfortable. He was better off just being himself, but holding back on the coarse language.
“Of course.” The man spoke with a foreign accent that was pleasing on the ears. He didn’t seem offended by Ryo’s sharp question. “We have an office party this morning so I thought a few pastries wouldn’t go amiss. Fret not, everything will be cleaned up, there are some very… enthusiastic eaters among my staff.”
So he was the owner of a business. Go figure, given the designer suit he wore and morbidly expensive watch around his wrist. It was strange though. How had he known that Ryo’s main concern would be about making sure none of the food was going to waste?
In the end, he dropped the thought. There was no use following that line of questioning. He nodded to the boxes behind the counter, “Just like usual, but use the big boxes. I’ll run it all through the register.”
Whilst Lily puttered about, the customer chatted with Ryo.
“Are you the head chef here, mon ami? Désolé, I saw you working earlier and I couldn’t help but stare. You have a way with your hands, I found myself mesmerised before I had even realised it.”
“That’s me.” Ryo said, keeping his head down to hide the flush creeping up his neck. Was this guy flirting, or was he just really French? “It’s nothing special, any baker does the same. This is all we do every day.”
“Non, non, you sell yourself short. Not all chefs put as much attention and care into their work as you do. It was your focus that convinced me that the baked goods would be high quality.”
“You’re taking a huge gamble on a shop you’ve never visited before.” Ryo remarked, quirking a brow as he dared to make eye contact with the customer. The Frenchman had leaned in a little closer at some point, their faces only a few inches away. It made Ryo jump back a bit in shock, earning a low chuckle from the taller man that was far too attractive for eight in the morning.
“I don’t mind a good gamble every now and then, provided the stakes are sufficiently… enticing.” He closed the little bit of distance Ryo had created, maintaining the ten inch gap between their faces. His eyes sparked with something fresh and exciting and it made Ryo’s heart pound in all the right wrong ways.
“My name is Vincent. Could I have your name too, monsieur?” He was speaking in a whisper now, quiet enough that Lily couldn’t hear him. Like it was a secret to be shared only by the two of them.
Ryo hesitated, his mouth drier than the kiln. He didn’t tolerate bullshit and had been known to clock guys taller than Vincent, but it had been years since anyone had deemed him a target worthy of flirting with and he found himself out of depth and stranded in foreign water.
But he couldn’t get ahead of himself. There were reasons why he couldn’t have relationships with other people, and Ryo would rather nip it in the bud before he dared to hope again.
“The others call me Yoru.” He responded gruffly, turning his head away in discomfort. “Please don’t get any closer. I… don’t like physical contact.”
Surprisingly, Vincent got the memo and backed off immediately, though he didn’t seem put off in the slightest. If anything, he seemed more curious than ever, those clever eyes scanning Ryo up and down as though he thought he could unlock the world’s secrets by doing so.
Why does he look at me like that? Why won’t he look away? Ryo’s mind was burning with questions that would never leave his lips. He couldn’t ask, because he couldn’t bear the truth.
“The others call you Yoru, meaning that it’s not your real name?” Vincent questioned, tactfully not bringing up Ryo’s discomfort from earlier. The relief must have loosened his tongue, because he found himself responding where normally he wouldn’t.
“Yeah, because foreigners can’t say my real name without butchering it.” Ryo said dryly, before remembering he was meant to be putting the order through the cash register.
“I like a challenge. Let me try.” Vincent said playfully, coaxing him out of his shell and into the open. Ryo considered it as he helped pack the boxes away into paper bags. The answer should have been a flat no because why should he give his real name out to a complete stranger? But there was something about Vincent that seemed to melt away the apathy Ryo shrouded himself in. For the first time in a while, he found himself curious about something outside of his daily tasks. It wasn’t as disquieting as he thought it might be.
I’ll just indulge this one time. It’s not like he’ll be back anyway…
“Ryo. R-Y-O.” He said simply, and found himself smirking at the puzzled look he received.
“Rio?” Vincent said awkwardly, rolling the ‘r’ so hard that it sounded like there was phlegm in his throat. It was completely wrong, the ‘r’ and ‘i’ sounds far too separated to sound anything like his name, but the Frenchman’s expression was so serious that it was plain to see that he’d tried his best. Laughter burst out of him like a well, and Ryo had to clutch his stomach from the way it was aching.
“I… assume that I wasn’t close, was I?” Vincent said, his composed air from earlier disrupted by the somewhat bashful look on his face.
“Not at all.” Ryo had great pleasure in saying this. He laughed at the older man’s embarrassment, but it wasn’t out of mockery. On a whim, he added two more slices of lemon tart to one of the boxes before showing Vincent the total. The businessman frowned.
“You didn’t charge me for the two extra slices.” Vincent said in an incredible display of quick addition. He probably worked with numbers a lot for him to calculate so fast, Ryo observed.
“Think of it as a consolation prize.” Ryo said generously. As an afterthought, he added quietly. “The lemon tarts are my favourite. Not that it matters or anything…”
The protest on the Frenchman’s lips died off. Slowly, he nodded. “In that case, merci beaucoup. I may not have won our little ‘game’, but I look forward to tasting them.” He paid with a black credit card before grabbing the paper bags with both arms. “As much as I’d love to stay, I had best be off while the bread is still warm. Good day to you all.”
He locked eyes with Ryo before he was out the door and threw him a subtle wink. “I’m not a man known for making the same mistake twice. I’ll be back for another try.”
Ryo hid his surprise with a snort. “Hah, we’ll see about that.” Even if it was a lie, it was one that didn’t set him off immediately. He watched the Frenchman’s back disappear from view, only tearing his eyes away when the man was well and truly gone.
Sensing Lily’s eyes on him, he turned. “What?”
“Oh no, it’s nothing! N-Nothing at all Yoru!” Lily was a poor liar; every single cell in her body was determined to give her away and it showed in her darting eyes and flushed cheeks.
It was at that moment that Hao returned from the accountant’s. Ever observant, he immediately noticed how many sales had been made in his absence, and his eyebrows shot up in surprise.
“What happened while I was gone??”
Ryo was about to answer, if words hadn’t already shot out of Lily’s mouth like bullets.
“A really hot French guy stopped by, bought a lot of goods and started flirting with Yoru!” She said this all in one breath, and Hao whistled in surprise and amusement.
“Oh? Someone was flirting with our Yoru? And he didn’t punch them? Now I need to hear the details!!”
Fuck, Ryo was going to have words with Lily later about exaggerating facts to paint a whole different story from reality.
He couldn’t wait to start pounding the next batch of dough, because it was going to be a long, long day.