Work Text:
Inej creeped along the rooftops. Her slippers reduced the tap of her feet and increased her grip. She had to be careful on the slippery rooftops. It didn't matter how many times she'd been on them, all it would take was one mistake. Especially on a cold, rainy night like this. Inej shivered and looked for a semi-dry spot to hide and wait in. She looked below for any signs of a drop off taking place. Kaz had sent her to watch over it and make sure nothing went wrong. Across the street, she spied a throng of people in a church. They seemed to be in the middle of some type of sermon.
Inej glanced down to check for any sign of the drop off. Seeing nothing, she leapt across the street to the church tower. Inej never spent a lot of time thinking about her faith or discussing it with anyone. There were only two people she would consider talking to about it, and Kaz just looked disgruntled or mildly disgusted at the idea of a religion and Jesper was always on his way to shoot something, whether that was dice or a person, never stopping long enough to have a meaningful conversation. Inej's thumb rubbed at Sankta Lizabeta on her waist absentmindedly. The man was very impassioned about his chosen topic, waving his arms all around. Inej couldn't hear a word he was saying, so she turned her gaze away from him and towards the group at the pews.
Many of them looked bored, like coming here was nothing more than an obligation they had to do. Some looked beyond interested, bordering devout, to what the man was preaching, looking to him as if he had every answer to all of life's questions. A couple seemed annoyed like they had been forced to come and what the man was saying was against their own beliefs. The few in the back pews were the most interesting though. They seemed to be ignoring the speech entirely and were wrapped up with their own situations. They were quietly crying and looking up desperately at the stained-glass window of Sankta Alina, as if her portrait would wave her hand to answer all of their prayers and questions. Inej felt a sudden wave of sympathy and pity for this small group. A small part of her wanted to jump down and explain to them that faith could only be helpful if they wielded it as a tool and didn't view it as something that could do anything they wanted. Her Saints cheered on her successes and encouraged her when she was close to giving up, but they could not force her to take action or do it for her.
Many of Tante Heleen's girls had long ago given up their faith, and most, if not all, of the Dregs wouldn't pray to anything that didn't give them some type of reward or kruge for doing it in the first place. Amidst this crowd, Inej's unwavering faith made her odd, to say the least. Inej knew many thought she was a fool for her continued belief, although very few had the courage to say such a thing to the face of the Wraith. In her self-imposed exile, Inej tried to ignore the loneliness and temptation to stop believing, or at least pretend to have given up her faith, but it was difficult most days to ignore the ache of not belonging. She knew that her faith only strengthened her and was a large part of who she was, which was part of the reason she desperately held her faith to her chest, ignoring the attacks upon it. She may never truly belong with the Dregs, she may be foolish, she may never feel complete peace with herself again, and her parents may be ashamed or her if they saw what she had become, but without her faith she would unravel into despair. Her sanity and hope was worth more than any sense of belonging she may or may never feel.
A cough from the street captured her attention. The exchange was taking place. Inej shook off the tremors that had nothing to do with the cold. She had a job to do after all.
