Chapter Text
CHAPTER ONE
A Flower in Flour
It was one of those peaceful days at First Ate Cafe where the luminous rays of the sun could be seen through the café window, the ac within could be heard blasting silently. The beautiful melody of saxophones and deep voices filled the room as customers entered or conversed in their own quiet corners. Today thus far no complaints were made about a drink being too sweet, or a coffee not as creamy as advertised, it was all kind strangers wanting to taste something to go about their day.
Behind the counter I see my surroundings diligently, wiping the counter, greeting everyone that comes in and refilling different syrup dispensers. My sage t shirt clings to me skin tightly from all my perspiration throughout the day, I’ve been here since early morning and luckily will be clocking out within the next 3 hours. My brown eyes scanned my flour-stained blue apron, the logo of a bear with a bandage on it not almost unidentifiable whiles my faded jeans drag along the floor.
‘I look an absolute mess, can’t wait to get home, I think to myself.
Whiles I focus on my inner turmoil A tall girl with jet black hair walks in. She has a lovely orange long sleeve top and tailored pants, but what I notice at once is her mesmerizing 1996 Hermes tote bag all leather in a loud raspberry pink shade. The lady approaches the counter, and stares at the menu before saying, " Hello I would like to try the new honeycomb latte with soy milk cold foam please".
" Sure, what size would you like, do you prefer it with the caramel drizzle or the cinnamon one"? I ask while looking at her.
She thinks it over and says, " yeah a venti will be fine and hmmmm I prefer it with the cinnamon" She grabs a wine-colored leather wallet from her bag and holds out her debit card.
" What will be the name for the Order"? I ask.
" Um Jina" she replied.
I will tell her the total, and she will pay. I push in the request codes then say, “Okay Ms. Jina we will call your name once the order is ready… By the way I just wanted to say I absolutely love your bag, it’s gorgeous.
“Omg thank you so much I thought no one would notice. Do you also buy vintage designer bags I got at an auction, she says excitedly?
“I dabble a bit. I don’t buy a lot, but I just investigate this stuff for fun. It must have cost a fortune of originals, so it is hard to find without insane resale value. I say
“Yeah, honestly it was quite the bank breaker…not mine my boyfriends., Jina laughs” But none the less it was worth it cause I intend on using it long term. Anyway, thanks for noticing.
“You’re welcome your drink should be ready in the next 10 minutes so feel free to sit down”, I tell her smile on my face.
She heads to the corner of the cafe where we have big memory foam circular mini couches in red and cream shades. The entire cafe looks like a dream scale like the vibe of a sick bed but in a comforting way. The furniture is super soft, the lights not LED so people with various conditions won’t be overstimulated, and cute little bears doctor mascots that sometimes do promotions outside the café.
I breathe in the smell of fresh plants like cactus and peace lilies as I think to myself whiles preparing the customer’s drink.
Someone appreciates my designer detective work!! I wasn’t expecting her to care that I cared. Most people just look at me weird when I ask.
I found vintage shopping and thrifting to be a calming hobby I picked up to relax after my hectic days as a student and café worker. My days can be chilly like today or sometimes the worst thing ever is there’s no telling.
I finally finished the drink and handed it to the cheerful lady. I then go to the kitchen to stock up freshly baked goods I made myself straight from the oven. The tray being hot I place a pair of mittens on my hands, slowly bringing them to our pastry display case and organizing them with labels of their name and flavor profile. I was doing this, it’s part of my job after all, but also waiting for a particular diligent regular.
He's a super sweet guy who’s around my age, 22 like me maybe older I haven’t asked but though he initially didn’t say much, over time we’ve gotten a bit more talkative. It started out with the normal greetings a hi and bye when I noticed he often came here, but then he got comfortable I guess you can say and would ask about my pastry recommendations. I didn’t think much about it so I would usually just mention what was trendy, but he would order exactly what I said. Then I was more careful about what to recommend, at home I would brainstorm recipes and think of his mood and if he seemed like the type to enjoy fruity flavors versus creamy ones or salt versus sugar stuff like that.
He looked like an average guy honestly, perhaps pretty smart though because he wore glasses, but something that threw me off was the vibrant hair that contradicted the soft appearance with its cherry blossom pink hue. I thought he could be in the arts or something but with the way he studies it has to be something more advanced. He stops by and learns for literally hours, headphones in, and typically it appears he gets everything he needs done.
Just as I am setting up the caramelized croissants filled with delicious chestnut cream that took me 5 hours to make, I hear to café bell echo. My coworker Yunseo greets the customer.
“Good ...Afternoon…sorry I need to catch my breath,” The person says.
My ears immediately tingle in recognition; I know that voice. I glace up from the display case, wiping my hands and there he is. Bamby.
In a disheveled appearance with heavy breathing Bamby walks in the café. His glasses cover his big eyes whiles his hair is messy with his bangs held up with my melody hair clip to keep it out of his face.
I assume it’s so he can read better?
He wears a plain white T-shirt and a yellow cardigan. I giggle to myself at how much he stands out as he approaches the counter.
“Dazy- ……. hi it’s so cold the wind almost knocked me down" he says with a grumpy tone while pouting. " My glasses keep fogging up. I think I might have to wear contacts more often " Bamby removes his glasses and wipes them on the soft cardigan before placing them back on and staring at me."
" Sorry I'm rambling I should probably order something and sit down ha-ha" he says.
I look at him and reply, " Its fine it’s pretty slow today so you can complain as long as you need too, at least you will have something to eat while doing so."
I point in the direction of the pasties I just stocked and wait for what he says.
" Woah is that a croissant that looks so good, I’ve been busy and need all the carbs I can get this looks amazing. How much will it be?
He hands over his debit card before I even say the price.
Its $4.75 do you want a drink with it... water??? Figure with all the books you have, you might be here for a while...
Bamby scratches the back of his neck and says, " yeah, I overslept and have like 10 tests waiting for me later, so I have to lock in. My goal is to study for all of them in equal increments. If you see me frowning in the corner that will be why"
I nod understandably after all being a junior music major, I deal with this on a daily. The studying, procrastination and all nighters. It would be a bit random and awkward to try express all this to bamby considering we aren’t so close.
"Okay here’s your vanilla chai and croissant.”
I’ve always wondered if he orders drinks based on his name since you know Chae chai, but he seems too oblivious too.
2:35pm
The day flows by with various people coming in like the old sweet retiree that always tips, a pregnant woman wobbling towards the tea dispenser, and there’s Bamby in his little corner, headphones in pen writing, still not trying the fresh pastry in front of him. Obviously, I can’t feed a stranger but seeing it get cold like that I'm tempted to go ask him to eat the damn croissant.
I’ll just ask if he wants me to reheat his pastry for him. Not too pushy.
My shoes squeaked against the marble floor as I approached his table. Bamby fiddles with his pen while laser focused on a textbook.
I politely wave my hand in front of his face to show my presence
" Sorry to like to disturb you I see you’re locked in and all. I was just curious if you maybe wanted your pastry reheated. It’s usually meant to be eaten warmly. Are you may be saving it for later?"
Bamby, who was in the middle of finding out if plants truly align some photosynthetic properties with sounds in the environment, looks up eyebrows lifted. It is then that he notices that you’ve moved from behind the counter to in front of him, and he didn’t even see.
He had Mario blasting in his ears so all he saw was you talking and pointing at his abandoned pastry. He takes off his headphones and says, “looks at the pastry, then backs at me and says, " Dazy was there something you needed, I didn’t catch anything you just said unfortunately.
“Oh yeah, I was checking um if you want your croissant warmed. I ask
I see my bad, I usually eat snacks as a reward system. I have to study for a bit then earn it you know positive reinforcement. I totally would have tried it immediately if you asked. Bamby smirks a tad bit flattered by all this, he looks up at me then grabs the pastry a few crumbles of the croissant sprinkle on his ripped jeans then he chews, and chews.
I look at bamby intensely waiting for an indication of how he likes it, first he’s just chewing but suddenly his face looks confused like his tastebuds couldn’t accept the flavor. His eyebrows are scrunched together with his chewing slows and suddenly he grabs a napkin and spits the food out.
As I stood there stunned and confused, I asked, " Bamby?? Is something wrong, are you okay wha-"
Before I can finish what, I’m saying I see this 5'8 man packing his stuff quickly and he literally run past me out of the cafe.
The door swings open, the gust of wind invites itself in and I feel it push on my auburn hair as I try to process what just happened.
Did he just spit out the pastry? What does that mean??? I see no trace of his presence as he swept up all of his belongings even the receipt with him. I wonder if the croissant tasted so bad that it would get that reaction. I decided to ask my coworker Anna on shift with me,
" Girl, did you see that? A regular just ran out after tasting those new chestnut croissant pastries I made. I know I don’t have magic hands, but could they be that bad"
Anna, the short cheerful girl in front of me grabs a pastry from our shelf and says," Girl he ran for his life what did you do lol. I’m kidding I’m sure it’s nothing maybe a nature calls perhaps dazy " She bites into a pastry chews for a second before swallowing, making sure to savor the exact flavor present. She looks back at me with a wide smile.
" Mhmmm dazy what the heck girl this is phenomenal maybe he was just gagged by your skills, or something cause this taste sooo good it’s literally melting in my mouth I need another."
I chuckle at her reaction. " So, you don’t want to vomit it because its nasty or too salty? I ask curiously.
" No silly it tastes good" she reassures.
Okay.... well, you and the others can eat this cause now I need to make a new batch I don’t know what I did...
5:00 pm
My shift finally ends, and I remove my apron from my neck, folding it and placing it in the staff lockers. I looked at the bus app on my phone 8 minutes away. I drag my feet to the seat by the headphones placed on the door. I open my notebook scribbling with lyrics that mean nothing but my only stress relief right now. Time flies by and I pack my blue notebook and bag and head to the bus stop where the bus is rolling from. I reflect on the process of making that controversial croissant. I followed the steps and used the same base I use for most baked goods only difference was the filling?
The look he had was pure fear I wonder what I did wrong, and do I owe him an apology for that? I feel kind of bad, but I'll fix it and let him try the corrected version.
The bus arrives to my apartment after 15 minutes. I unlocked my door, put my work bag down on my table and lay face down on my couch.
'Oof, that...was weird why did that happen. He’s not even an athlete I don’t think but he’s running like he left the gas stove on at home. What the hell did I put in there to make him run away from me. His cheeks moved like a squirrel and then he spat it out like a chipmunk I don’t know what it could have been, preference, taste. I feel like maybe the ingredients weren’t leveled well perhaps.
'I need to do it again I let him down'. Let’s do this!
Dazy takes a long warm shower then changes into one of her many long t-shirt pjs before heading to the kitchen. She places her baking tools around as well as the appropriate ingredients that I had used for the previous croissants.
The ingredients in this batch will be the same but I will adjust the amount of stuff in the filling. It was maybe too sweet or salty, it would be more logical to ask bamby but I’m doing this on a whim just to feel better about myself and the regular who was hurt by me somehow.
'Hopefully, he likes this I fixed anything I could have missed, I think....'
Dazy finally relaxes in her warm apartment sitting on the comfy beige couch with an orange bowl containing plantain chips. She sits and breathes.
' Ahhh what a long day' *yawns*
Ugh I'm so embarrassed the way he jolted out of there was giving he’s not coming back. I really hope he does, I would feel bad otherwise.
BAMBYS POV
HOLY SHIT That was close, I thought I was going to die back there, I told Hamin.
" My throat was close to closing if I didn't run fast enough, I really saw my life flash before my eyes."
" Why do you keep doing this to yourself bamby ah I'm glad you brought your EpiPen this time I remember when I bought you that protein shake and you started turning red I almost fainted" Hamin reflects. He looks at bamby still with a bit of caution. His Hyung was as hypersensitive as they came. If you guessed an allergy, he probably had it, it was stressful and adorable.
So, you ran out on that cafe girl, how do you think she felt I mean with all the times you go to that place you really couldn't bother telling her? Hamin asks.
I replied, " Uhhhhhh I- I just-idk she’s really sweet I mean I didn't want to mess up our dynamic
Hamin raises an eyebrow, " Dynamic …. huh. Are you imagining it or does she know this dynamic exist"?
I mean I think we have something to build, it’s not a ship but maybe a boat to start. She lets me try her baked goods every time I go and acknowledges my presence whether I'm there for 10 minutes or 3 hours ... I wouldn't say we're friends but...It’s not like she’s not on a first name basis” I say.
Hamin crosses his arms his shadow slightly hovering a cast on bamby who must look up just to meet Hamins eyes that are full of both curiosity and annoyance.
“So, to put it simply you are the customer, she’s the baker, you ran out on her and now she probably thinks she can't bake because of you.”
“Well, some of that is true but I couldn't explain all my allergies to one person while actively feeling my throat closing in on me.”
Bamby gives Hamin a matter-of-face look and heads to his room to further recover from the health scare and embarrassment he endured.
*Sigh* can I show my face there again after this? she’s going to want to know what the hell that was and I don’t want to explain the allergy thing. It makes me seem …ugh delicate
Damn it histamine I just lucked out of a perfect café for studying Dazy was probably so confused, should I explain so she doesn’t misinterpret it. I would absolutely hate her to think it was the pastries that made me like that. Technically true but like she seems like the type to check things, so no mistakes are made and now I’ve just made the poor girl paranoid. Choi Bamby, you’ve messed up big time.
1 WEEK LATER
It was 9:15 am bamby had packed his backpack, a laptop in there as well as his multipurpose notebook that contained all his class notes, a EpiPen and Benadryl. He dragged his feet socks on to the kitchen were hes been making instant coffee for the past week. Its been instant coffee and grocery store set bakeries because yeah….no café for bamby. It was less about the allergy thing and more about the embarrassment from the other day. well other week. Bamby turns on a song by TWS and decides to make pancakes for once, he can cook after all, and he has 1 hour before class starts. He brings out the gluten free all purpose flour, one egg, sugar and vegetable oil and turns on the stove. The cream liquid slowly hardens bubbles forming on the edges till the center is golden and firm.
“Hmm not too shabby hahah” I grab the spatula and turn it the other side luckily light then I place it on a ceramic plate.
Do I make some for the others ill probably only eat one anyway? Yeah, why not
I decided to pour the remaining batter and result in eight pancakes hopefully enough for those hungry goblins. Eunho especially would probably some how find a way to call me stingy...well I’m no servant so this will do
I head to the station with headphones on fitted wide legged jeans and a light blue T-shirt. The bus would come in 5 minutes, so I stand still observing my surroundings. There were a few squirrels sniffing for acorns on the group and the usual clutter of plastic bottles next to the recycling bin cause people chose to lack reading comprehension.
“Sigh I could be studying at that café right now... what’s wrong with me”
Dazys POV
*sigh* its been over a week now, this is stressing me out.
I look in the mirror at the large Elmo t shirt still on, my curly hair tousled up in the air defying gravity whiles my face shines with the evening sweat and oil build up.
Its been a week since the accident. My coworkers had reassured me that it wasn’t a big deal and yet here we were. I can’t say that I expect a customer, a regular to always show up but when the pattern is so consistent I guess I just got used to it. I just feel like Bambys absence is intentional, a message a lesson perhaps?
Is it a protest a strike to show that the food I made was absolutely disgusting and I lost my privileges to bake for him. Perhaps. It kinda sucks but I can’t do anything about it unfortunately. I can only wait till he shows up again and that’s if I’m lucky. just so I can ask what happened and apologize if need be
I go ahead and brush my teeth and take a relaxing bath. I change into my work uniform then head to the kitchen area in my apartment where I microwave another chestnut croissant. Truth is I’ve been looking forward to Bambys presence hoping he would come to the café and try the revised version of the chestnut pastry. Maybe today will be the day…
I arrive to work by bus after 30 minutes and now its 12:34pm time for a quick shift before class. When I arrive, the store has no music playing, just the sound of a steamer going off, some glass clanging from the serving cups and the buzz of a drink being blended. I look at the schedule duties for today and I am listed as a barista, meaning I will work in the front most.
I put my id in the system and helped prepare some orders that were already placed. One was a lavender soda with popping bobas, another a sparkling water and bagel with cream cheese, and the last one a caramel cappuccino with soy milk, The orders in my opinion were quite basic so I got them done swiftly, and rang a bell by the pick-up window.
“Order for Youngsu”
“Order for Sei”
“Order for Bongs-
I look at the sparkling water remembering that name has a similar ring to a similar pink haired male. No way, right?
A few moments later the other customers grab their drinks then awkwardly walking to the front I see him. Bamby headphones in diligently observing the drinks on the counter looking for his name before he looks up to see me holding his drink.
“Bamby…”? I say confused
“Hi…there is that my order? I ordered a carbonated..... I mean sparkling water.
“Yes, Bamby its obviously yours. I’m guessing you also ordered a yeast roll…I mean bagel with cream cheese? Don’t worry, I didn’t make it this time. I say in my head.
Bamby stands still not knowing how to respond. His usual lively energy was dimmed by his cautious appearance.
“I have class, so I have to go soon”. He stares at me empathetically.
“Are you not interested in finding out what the menu options are this week…”? I ask anticipating his response nervously.
“Uh...not really I just…I- “
Shit I’m clamping. I should just tell her the truth but why is it so weird to say Bamby thinks.
“Maybe another time… I’m in a rush you see” Bamby says as he adjusts his glasses and uses his other hand to ‘check the time’.
I try my best to keep my customer service smile on, but I can’t help but feel the pang of my chest die from the disappointment, the rejection. Now this confirms that he definitely hated that pastry. He doesn’t want to hurt my feelings I guess that’s fair
“Oh, okay I see. that’s fine. Here’s your drink, then no additives, just electric water and ...here’s your warm bagel. Again, I had no contribution in the baking of it so its safe to eat.” I say this sounding slightly sadder than I intended.
I’m being too sensitive about this, we don’t even know each other that well.
I observe as Bamby grabs the sparkling water out of my hand his sweaty palm barely avoiding almost dropping the drink whiles trying to appear indifferent to the very evident awkwardness that now exist between us. My mind races with many questions and things I just wish to clear up but at this point as he steps back a quick bow my way and then speed walks out of the cafe I accept defeat. I know him but I guess its back to square one...maybe zero if he decides to stop coming.
Bamby does another bow and heads out the store as I watch behind the counter heart lower than the titanic though it shouldn’t be. Its not a big deal, I tell myself.
Its not like it’s the first time I've seen Bamby since last week, his hair fluffy today probably cause he had time to dry it rather than walk out the door hair stringy and wet like he has it half the time. There were no shoelaces untied, his glasses weren't smudged.... not that I pay attention, but if I care to admit I do I say right now it was hard not to notice his dark brown eyes that looked into mine for a nanosecond before searching in every other direction. Even though it’s been like 2 weeks that I last saw him It feels as though the same Bamby before me is he a stranger or was a stranger since he decided to dash away. It’s weird to think I was laughing with him not to long ago and now there’s this high tension in the air, and it can’t just be about pastries.
The orange hues of the resting sun smear across the sky around 5pm as I start closing the cafe for the day. I switch off the loud steamers, pour out remaining base drinks and syrups into respective bottles then clean all the marbled tables around me. The subtle sound of jazz playing in the store speakers is blocked out by the heavy vibrations of love of my life by Erykah Badu ringing from my headphones. I hum and lightly sing while reflecting on my eventful day.
I thought asking him to try the redone pastry would fix all this make me feel better but now I feel so shitty, I don’t know if he made me feel that way or its just self-vindication. I don’t expect him or anyone to love every single thing I make but dang this was a bit of a unexpected reaction and I couldn’t even find a way to apologize because he didn’t really bring it up. What do I do.....?
10 more minutes swing by before I find myself satisfied with the closing routine and go ahead to leave. The bus ride home is chill, I can see the sky in its element so mesmerizing, yet I zone out thinking back to bambys fidgety nature Why does this guy have to be on my mind who gives a f- if some regular doesn’t like my baking skills right? There have been several occasions where some bold people put low reviews and demolish our name online or tell us something taste bad directly yet ..... Its not about the reaction, it’s the fact he doesn’t bring it up and has been obviously avoiding this cafe, avoiding me specifically. At first, I felt like it was just a simple situation of him disliking something and not wanting me to feel bad, but then when he stopped showing up on the normal days, he studies I was curious. My coworker brought up that the stylish chipmunk, as she called him almost spilled water on one of his textbooks the other days, I asked what day, and all the days were coincidently the only days I DON'T WORK. I then told her to randomly bring up that I would be working on a specific day, and my theory was confirmed because he didn’t come that day (i wasn’t even working).
The bus finally pulls into the stop near my apartment, and I get off. Once I’m inside I stretch my waist and joints till I hear a refreshing crack.
" Well, that didn’t go well at all" I reflect out loud. *sigh*
Dazy walks to her cabinet full of crochet thread, buttons, random glitter pens and finally grabs her journel. The exterior cover is wrapped in a smooth black leather along with many fading stickers of various cute characters and aesthetics. The pages reflect there age with darkened crinkled edges. This journal contains her many rights and wrongs, thoughts, rambles, and lyrics that she wrote since the beginning of school. Dazy eyes a specific pen and says, "Todays lucky pen is you black glitter pen, but are you really lucky having to write this ....lets see:
03/17/2023
Those damn pastries did me in. Bamby is pushing away like a arrow over a croissanttt!! He doesnt like me not that he ever did, not that i want him too but like also now he really doesn't. He totally was not busy with school work all week in fact he usually does most of it at the cafe all before...the incident and now i look stupid, i feel silly like a clown that was like "do you want to play one more game." He looked at me like i would pull him into a gutter yes like i was IT. BUT I'm not and i wish i could explain but he never explained the running. If it was the food thing whats the big deal i would rather hear ' your food sucks' than deal with the avoidance AHHHHHHH. Thank you diary for your time lol this is so freaking embaressing !
*sigh* That was needed *haa-haha* I giggle to myself as i read because so real this is what i feel about this situation. It is out of my hands at this point but at the same time I can't let the curiosity of the situation die on the hill, nor can I feel bad without knowing what I'm sorry for. If he indicated that the pastry sucked i could feel bad that it sucked and make sure to bake better croissants; or if he felt uncomfortable because i asked him to taste it when he was busy studying i can apologize for being nosy or impatient and then we can move on, but in this moment I know nothing except he seemed very nervous compared to how chill and cheerful he usually is.
“ I should do something...about my assignment" I remember some of the few statistics practice modules waiting for me that were due tomorrow along with some random introductory stuff for my music theory class. It’s been like 3 weeks into school so far and things have been running smooth. I finally remember all my class schedules consistently and even the names of my lecturers and some. well one of my T.A’s. It has been fun making money on the side while taking classes, and things were looking up until I just tripped over this whole debacle.
I take a shower and change into a neon top and bottom PJ set that I wouldn't dare wear out of the house because I could be mistaken for a Teletubby. The cold sensation from my laptop hits my thighs as i lay it on my lap and start my assignment. I open an excel spread to help calculate some stuff with the formula tool and finally after a hour i finish the modules and close my computer. "Bedtime"
I scroll mindlessly on instagram for a bit deciding to post something chill on my story a simple picture of me looking away while holding my aesthetically decorated work bag in my uniform (covering the logo with the bag), I add a song by DPR IAN matching the general matcha girly vibe.
My eyes flutter shut slowly and the darkness takes over before I know it.