Work Text:
Jisung hung his jacket up quietly, finding the dorm quiet sans the pitter patter of soonie's paws on the floor to greet him. Giving a small pat on the head, soonie rubs against him gently before flanking away back to the room to be with Minho. stretching his arms out he heads in the same direction, the sound of a TV show fills his ears and he's presented with minho sitting on the bed, remote in hand flipping through the viki app for a show to watch.
"What are we watching tonight?" he asks, sinking onto the bed as Minho wraps an arm around his back to pull him closer. Jisung presses a light kiss to his cheek, as Minho answers.
"its a new show, but we can watch whatever you want I don't mind." he carefully searches for objection but finds none as Jisung slides to the top part of the bed to lay against the pillow. Minho smiles as he sees Jisung yawn sleepily as soonie finds a spot to claim before the couple gets comfortable. "At this rate, you'll be sleep before the first episode is over", he says as he climbs, or crawls, to the top of the bed. planting a kiss on the top of his forehead he lies back against his own pillow as the show starts.
Within the show the story of a hidden love and future dreams within that love start to come on screen. Jisung finds it romantic, with him having the same premise of being in a longstanding relationship with his band mate. he finds the first episode to be intriguing enough to stay awake. as the show continues on, the two becomes more snuggled yet Minho is more tense. Feeling the weight on him much more heavy as he thinks over their own relationship.
Minho lets out a short huff during a scene of feigned ignorance when the main love interests start hiding their relationship for the sake of their career.
"If your love isn't worth more than your career, I think there needs to be a breakup" he scoffs, grabbing the remote to turn off the show, Jisung grabs his hand to stop him.
"It's not a real story, this is just to play up the drama to keep viewers interested, I like it I wanna watch it", he pouts, pitifully twisting body to embody a whiny baby not getting his way.
Minho softens, hands him the remote, but their legs crashed together as he scrambled out of the bed to the living room couch. Jisung's eyes goes wide, as he watches in shock from the abrupt exit. The tense feeling Minho had during the show only felt more constricting as he found himself actually bothered by the fact Jisung could not see themselves in that very show. Hearing the TV go off Minho sees Jisung standing outside the room, not too close, the distance needed from the uncertainty of what was actually happening. Jisung knew Minho could be cold but he hardly ever experienced it himself. He flicks the light on but Minho gestures for him to turn it back off, so he does.
A small crack of thunder brings on a steady rain against the window, and Jisung takes a deep breath.
"I take it you don't like the show", he chews his lip nervously, wondering why they have to have this conversation in the dark.
"It's the fact-" Minho hangs his head, drawing in a small breath, to keep his composure. it doesn't help much.
Jisung moves closer now, feeling at least comfortable enough to stand near the couch, as he watches Minho try to express whatever it was that got him so riled up.
"I'm trying to figure out if you like us being a secret", Jisung freezes.
In theory yes, Jisung does like them being a secret. the fan interactions are enough for him to live each day knowing someone out there knows, they're together.
Even if some people, are adamant not to believe it.
So with that Jisung works tirelessly to do the things his job requires, they're meant to put on an image, a persona. It's even better knowing in choosing the life as an idol that he met his better half along the way. Nothing could make him change it, nothing could make him go back to a life without Minho.
So he pauses, careful to not say the wrong thing but the long pause is enough to garner a change in posture from Minho, choosing to sit more straight and pointedly stare at Jisung. With him being close enough, the darkness of his eyes rattle Jisung, taking a bit more fear into his heart as he speaks.
"It's not that Minho, look, the premise of the show I just thought it was good, why are you making this about us right now?" he falters as he sees Minho turn his head while shaking it. Deciding to try his luck he sits on the couch to try to grab a hand that wistfully yanks itself away from him. If there was ever a time he needed an extra person it was now.
But there was nobody to call. there usually isn't anyone to call when you need to figure out how to calm your boyfriend down after being triggered from something you said out of genuine concern. his foot was in his mouth and only he could take it out.
"Minho please calm down, let me explain", he inches closer as his boyfriend shrinks away.
"You think I want a career over you!" Minho shrieks causing Jisung to shudder at the sudden change in volume and tone.
"I never said that, you're just taking the show personally and you think being a secret is a big thing when its not." he covers his mouth as the little confession slips from his lips. Minho's expression is nothing less than confusion and anger swirled in one.
His boyfriend doesn't think being a secret is a big deal. A pitiful laugh escapes his lips. Staring at each other for a moment, Jisung tries to speak but just ends up stuttering as Minho gets off the couch, coldly looking away before Jisung regains some semblance of coherent thought to give. when Jisung grabs his hand to keep him still, Minho stiffens.
"I would give my career up if I could be with you in public unashamed, why's that so hard for you to see, if there was one thing I'd give up for you that'd be it". Jisung lowers his head at the realization that the show hit home for Minho more than he thought. True enough some of the show wasn't like them at all but Jisung thought of a future with Minho, and his way of getting to it was just to work until they could transition out of this type of work. Minho tugs to walk away but the hand holding his becomes more firm to keep him put.
"Wait you're not leaving this room, I said that to say my life with you, means more to me than everyone knowing we're together, its not necessary for you or I to give up our careers for each other, I thought we were happy we chose this life and ended up meeting each other." Jisung turns his hand over to trace the palm lines of Minho's hands. "I don't need the public display of affection and I don't-" Minho gives up as he grabs a couch pillow to throw at Jisung. Minho slides down the wall as Jisung lets go of his hand, at the same pace of his tears falling. Minho blinks slowly to gain control of them but the dam was already broken, clutching himself tightly he shakes his head to whisk them out of his eyes faster. Jisung notices and crashes onto the floor with him.
"Don't you see how restrictive this is, we live but are unable to be seen" He says between sobs. Jisung looks at the floor, not being able to bare the look of the one person he loved more than himself, in the state of tears. Jisung feels the shame of his words eating him alive. Coming up with an answer doesn't come easily as Jisung hears the sniffles and tiny cries that come from his favorite person. "Oh so being invisible is fun for you huh? its your perfect world and I'm just living in it", he sniffles as Jisung tries to find something for Minho to wipe is nose with. Turning on the light he stands for a beat to see him. Truly see him. The person in front of him feels small, if he can't be loud about his love. His intensity of loving him proudly frightens Jisung though. Their onstage antics and happenings during Instagram or YouTube lives are exactly how he wants to be seen. Jisung is quite alright with it, it feels like it's enough for him. Minho never presses for more. Always gives space when needed. Jisung never stopped to think of the person behind this intense love. It felt, for a while, smothering. He got used to it though, still able to let Minho love him in any way he could while in the public eye.
But that still wasn't enough.
And now Jisung has to accept that.
Jisung grabs a box of tissues, silently praying he doesn't say anything stupid for the remainder of the conversation. Grabbing a tissue he pats at Minho's puffy and reddened face, now the tear-stained boy opens his eyes at the sudden sensation against his hot skin. Jisung smiles as Minho blinks slowly, perplexed that a grin is on his face.
"what's with the stupid grin on your face" he remarks, moving the tissue away from his face.
"I'm just happy you expressed that to me, I'm glad you told me that, it was something I needed to hear".
"you needed to hear me cry" Minho rolled his eyes as his boyfriend gave a muffled chuckle.
"No, I needed to accept that your way of loving me cannot be contained in the way I can contain my love for you" Minho gives a weak smile, undoubtedly exhausted from his impromptu crying session.
"I also think I trained myself to believe, well I only deserve a love this big or that big" giving hand gestures to indicate the size of love he'd thought he was warranted to receive.
"In reality I got something much better, a love I cannot understand its magnitude for me. but still I feel loved correctly every time", Minho's smile strengthens as he stands up with Jisung's help. A kiss to the tip of his nose, Jisung sees that toothy grin and melts into his arms as they stand there holding each other, the rain still steady but with a promise of it washing away any doubt for Minho that they'd be kept a secret much longer.