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He only wanted to learn more about Vanitas. That’s all he really wanted, but the man only ever pushed him away. Time and time again he would try, seeking a way to get the man to open up to him.
There were times he even doubted himself as a partner, wondering if Vanitas was really inaccessible or if he himself was just not worth opening up to. He’d even cried about it once.
Often times, he would spend his nights staring at Vanitas’ sleeping figure, admiring him. He thought himself strange for such an unusual act.
It was true that Vanitas did express his affection for Noé at times, the events of the night the man’s brother had showed up proved that he valued their relationship to some degree.
But still, all Noé begged for was something that would help him better understand his friend. Rare were the times the two would sit down in silence, quietly appreciating each other. Tonight was one of them, a moment Noé would cherish as he always did…
On the man’s bed, Noé sat behind Vanitas, running his hands through uneven, blunt-cut strands of hair. The night was cool and breezy, wind howling wildly through the skies as Vanitas read a book under candlelight.
“Would you ever cut your hair, Vanitas?” Noé asked as he carded through keratin strands.
“No,” Vanitas replied, curt as ever.
“Why not?” Noé questioned.
“Because I like it this way.” was all he got as a response.
“Not even if you needed to, for something important?” Noé pushed.
“Nope. It’s far too valuable,” Vanitas answered, eyes still glued to his book.
“How so?” The vampire inquired.
Vanitas sighed, and turned around to look at him— “You ask too many questions,” he chided before returning to his book, flipping a page.
Noé looked down at the hair he held in his hands. Contemplating, he rubbed the tips of it between his fingers, feeling the coarseness of split ends.
Hair holds memories. Of course… Just why did he think he would get a proper answer to that question? Vanitas was especially protective of his memories. After all, it was why they fought so terribly, why he drugged himself just to be able to block his heart, to kill Noé.
Just what was it that Vanitas needed to protect that badly that he was willing to go so far as to kill him? To kill anyone?
Noé couldn’t help but notice how Vanitas kept certain parts of his hair short. Perhaps there were memories that even Vanitas himself didn’t want to remember.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized bubbly, giggling and wrapping his arms around Vanitas to ease his companion’s irritation.
“What are you apologizing about now?” Vanitas huffed.
“I don’t know. It just felt right,” Noé shrugged, nuzzling, resting his head on the blade of the man’s shoulder.
Vanitas ceased reading his book.
“…Me, too,” he whispered sincerely. “I’m sorry, Noé.”
“It’s okayyy,” The blond chuckled lightly. “I’m not even sure what either of us are apologizing about,” he purred as he rested on Vanitas like a cat sleeping. “…It just felt right.”
A silence enveloped them.
“Excuse me,” Vanitas muttered, urging Noé to distance himself.
He got up and paced the room in search of something.
“Is something wrong?” Noé checked, having picked up on the sudden shift in mood on his friend’s part.
Vanitas stiffened— “No.”
He ceased his vainly pacing and moved towards the window where he stood.
Noé observed him from the bed. It was a full moon, blue even.
“Convenient, isn’t it?” Vanitas spoke as he looked out the massive window.
“That it’s blue?” Noé inquired, joining him.
Vanitas turned his gaze to Noé and turned it back. His expression was unreadable.
“Don’t you think it’s cool?” Noé awed in captivity.
“What is?”
“Your eyes are the same color. It’s—”
“Abhorrent,” Vanitas scorned with remarkable disdain.
“…Beautiful,” Noé whispered, the word falling quietly from his lips like the tear he noticed on Vanitas’ face. He felt defeated.
Vanitas sighed before he turned to face him— “Just why do you like me, Noé?” he questioned, brilliant blue eyes searching for something unbeknownst to him.
“What?”
“Why do you like me? When you said you’d never leave me, why?” Vanitas interrogated.
“I… don’t know,” Noé responded.
“Pfft. What do you mean you don’t know?” Vanitas rolled his eyes. “I’m a terrible person. You and I both know it,” he reminded. “I almost killed you, Noé.”
“Well yeah, but— …you… didn’t,” Noé shrugged.
“Don’t you hate me?” Vanitas asked.
“Why would I?” Noé frowned, eyebrows crinkling as he cringed at the question he found to be odd.
“Oh, come on. Stop pretending. You know I’m selfish…” Vanitas accused, his glowing blue eyes holding violet ones hostage.
Noé felt nervous for what he knew was going to come— another fight between them.
“Whatever you did, I’m sure you had your reasons. People usually do,” Noé eased, attempting to calm Vanitas down before the whole thing escalated any further.
“I just think it’s stupid that you care for me when I really only care about myself. Honestly, you should just leave. Stop trying to save me, save yourself. I’m better off alone anyway,” Vanitas scoffed and turned away, walking back to pace once more.
What could a person as kind as Noé want to do with someone as cruel as Vanitas?
He was spiraling.
His guilt was starting to eat away at him, chipping away at the block of ice he had frozen his heart into, widening the cracks until the cold inevitably bit at the man who cared for him most— Noé.
“I was willing to kill you. Have you forgotten? You should have left after that, but you chose to stay with me. Why?” he repeated.
Noé pursed his lips and remained silent.
What could he answer Vanitas?
What answer would Vanitas accept?
The man slowly approached him, stopping just before him.
“Why won’t you just leave?” Vanitas pressed. “I know I’m terrible… I’m no match for your light. So just what is it that you see in me? I don’t want to hurt you, Noé, I’m begging you to leave but you won’t listen…” he wheezed. “What is it that you see in me?” Vanitas, grabbed his collar desperately, rising tears once imperceptible, now denounced by the crack in his voice.
“I— I… I don’t know. But I see it,” Noé answered truthfully to the man before him. “I can see it most at times like this,” he admitted, driving Vanitas to withdraw from him in order to hide his vulnerability. “Vanitas—” he called, moving to comfort his friend.
“Leave me alone, Noé,” The man shunned as he sat on the floor, slowly and silently breaking down from guilt. Amidst the surplus of his selfish endeavors, why was Noé the one to make him ponder his morbid actions?
“…No,” The blond refused after a pause of confusion. “I won’t.”
“Noé, leave. Please,” Vanitas begged softly.
“Why?” Noé opposed. “Why, Vanitas?”
“I said go! Leave me be!!” Vanitas chased, hiding his face with his palms. He lacked in intimidation a little too much for his own liking.
Noé paid no mind to his flailing as he attempted to peel Vanitas’ hands from his face.
“Leave me be, you bloodthirsty beast!” The blue-eyed man cursed, violently shoving Noé away and off the bed, scratching him with the action.
Noé winced and covered the scratch on his right arm with his other hand.
“What is it that you want?! Blood?? Huh?!That’s the only reason you refuse to leave me alone, isn’t it? That’s all you want— blood!! Well, my dear Noé, I don’t have any for you. So you can go! Take your leave! Find someone else to suck dry!! GO!!!” he shunned discriminatorily.
There they were… those hostile words Vanitas would speak whenever he looked to push Noé away. Noé would be lying if he said they didn’t hurt, especially when it came from him.
Was that really all Vanitas saw him as? A bloodthirsty beast?
“Vanitas…” Noé called weakly, a sad expression overtaking his face. “Why do you hate yourself so much?” Noé strained. He too was struggling to speak in that moment; his throat was tight, his eyes watery and his temperature hot.
Vanitas ceased his outburst to look at Noé. He noticed the blood dripping from Noé’s hand and the fingers wrapped around it which failed to halt the bleeding.
“I’m sorry, Noé… I don’t know what’s wrong with me, honestly. I wish I was a better person than I am so badly,” he apologized, tearing up. “But I just can’t be that for you right now. I’m sorry for hurting you, I just don’t want to hurt you anymore, that’s why I want you to leave. I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, Noé…” he repeated, the rasp in his voice far too prominent. He covered his face again, crying.
“Vanitas, it’s okay,” Noé reached a hand out.
Vanitas swiftly rejected him, taking a hefty distance backwards. His back was against the wall now.
Even so, Noé still tried. He sat himself down alongside his friend. He cautiously removed his friend’s hands, waiting patiently as he kicked and screamed like a bullied child.
Vanitas looked through teary eyes to meet Noé’s gentle gaze and Noé’s heart sank even further at the sight of his friend in distress.
He carefully raised a hand, soft fingers gently caressing a flustered cheek.
He studied as Vanitas trembled, and repeated the motion with his other hand, cradling the man’s face. And with a smile, he passed his thumbs soothingly beneath Vanitas’ dampened eyes, patting along the puffiness of Vanitas’ eyebags with light fingers, yet another marker of his exhaustion.
Even stained by tears, Vanitas looked as beautiful as ever in Noé’s loving eyes.
The skin-to-skin contact calmed his friend to the point where he no longer resisted the consolation.
Vanitas sighed heavily. His eyes closed, and he relaxed into Noé’s touch before the man pulled him into a hug.
They both rose to their feet after they parted. Noé gave a sweet smile to Vanitas who looked at him with tired eyes and parted lips. He slowly, hesitantly, impulsively pressed their lips together, surprising the vampire.
“Vanitas…” Noé called quietly when their lips parted.
“Don’t judge me,” Vanitas scolded, shifting his gaze to hide his face. It sounded more like a plea.
“Vanitas… I’m not judging you,” Noé tried.
“…Thank you,” he spoke again, placing his lips on Noé’s cheek this time. Vanitas gave a small and appreciative smile.
It was a short kiss. Short as it was, it still stirred the butterflies in Noé’s stomach, leaving him to want more.
The vampire gently took hold of Vanitas’ hand and caressed the top of it with his thumb. “How could I leave you?” Noé asked, implying Vanitas’ question to be one of utter absurdity.
Both of them had been searching for something. They found it the very moment they were both set ablaze with another kiss.
Within one another, they had found their safety, their solace.
The temperature rose and Noé leaned further into Vanitas, who welcomed him by tangling his fingers in a head of pure white.
They backtracked till Noé was seated on the bed once more, both hands holding onto the mattress for support.
Vanitas jolted. He presently recognized what was now playing out between them. He regarded the hand cupping his friend’s face, then his friend. Noé returned his stare, his lavender eyes peering into Vanitas.
There was a loud silence between them, pure anxiety. Embarrassment. But even that didn’t stop them this time.
Vanitas inched his face closer to Noé’s. Their breaths mingled and their eyes closed as they allowed themselves indulgence for one night.
Vanitas was the first to introduce his tongue, delving into the warmth of Noé’s mouth, desperately seeking more from the man. Their everyday interactions were sufficient, but this so was much closer, more intimate.
It was so painfully obvious that they both wanted more; friends don’t kiss like this. Friends don’t touch like this. Friends don’t love like this…
Sex, with the right connotations, can connect one soul to another. Deeply so. Perhaps that was what encouraged them to push the limits of their relationship, both moaning softly into the kiss.
Vanitas held Noé’s bleeding hand and pressed a sweet kiss to the palm of it.
He let his hands roam free across Noé, feeling his defined chest through the fabrics of his garments, then further down. Noé mewled when Vanitas swiftly undid his pants and stuck an ungloved hand down to touch him.
“Vanitas,” he squirmed nervously.
The other man met his eyes with a ravenous glint in his own, revealing his rather flawed method of consolation.
“Vanitas, are you sure about this?” Noé worried as Vanitas began undoing his garments.
“Forgive me, Noé. Just tell me when to stop,” he apologized genuinely, slowly dropping to his knees to continue what he started.
Vanitas pulled down Noé’s pants until he was fully exposed to his touch. He then spat on the tip of Noé’s dick and began stroking it with his hand, causing his partner to shiver under his touch. A few strokes in, and he took it into his mouth, bringing the man above to gasp audibly and lay a hand atop his head.
Noé could see that there was much more to this than he knew. He was fully aware that Vanitas was only using him. After all, the man could not love someone who loved him back. Hell, he couldn’t even love himself. But here he was, exploiting Noé’s sensitivity.
Even so, Noé would allow himself to be used if it proved beneficial to Vanitas.
He stopped just as soon as he deemed his efforts enough, leaving a fully erected Noé to the open elements.
Feeling a bit self-conscious, Noé moved to remove Vanitas’ garments, carefully undoing the many ribbons and bows and setting them down on the nightstand.
Vanitas stuttered to let him; he feared exposing himself to Noé even further. A mere force of habit was his hesitancy. He aided Noé in making quick work of his many accessories. He pondered a bit before deciding to remove the glove which covered his hand markings.
He left Noé to remove the rest of his fine-tailored clothing, heated breaths filling the charged air as the two built up tension. Noé began touching Vanitas’ body.
His hands dragged up and down along the man’s slim waist. Noé regarded pale skin with great interest before he leaned his head forward to kiss it.
He let his hands rest in the curve of Vanitas’ waist as he ascended from the bed to lick, bite and suck on rosy nipples. Vanitas moaned with bated breath, placing his hands atop Noé’s own hands which had been wrapped around him, and Noé looked up.
Vanitas moved to sit on the bed, dragging Noé down with him.
Noé embraced him. Their bare skin radiated heat as they kissed. Noé passed a hand tenderly over Vanitas’ dark hair. He tentatively neared his mouth to kiss Vanitas’ neck, innocent violet eyes uncontrollably darkening to a ghastly scarlet as the luscious smell of the man’s blood reached his nose.
Despite his impulses, his intentions remained pure. But he’d be damned if he said he didn’t want to break skin right then and there.
A flustered Vanitas spoke, tightening his fingers in ivory hair to tug limply— “Don’t… Noé…” he gasped weakly as Noé began sucking on his tender flesh.
He was so exposed, so vulnerable, so ripe and ready for the taking… but Noé just couldn’t be that selfish, it wasn’t him.
“I won’t,” he hushed truthfully, licking and kissing the wet spot just before he took it between his lips again, sucking even harder this time, unsure of the true nature behind this action.
He just knew he wanted him. Badly.
Vanitas mewled breathily, and slackened his fingers in Noé’s hair, letting his hand fall motionless as he succumbed to this risky pleasure. It was rare for him not to remain on his guard in one way or the other.
Truth be told, Vanitas himself ached to feel Noé’s teeth pierce his flesh and render him defenseless to the feeling of euphoria.
If only he weren’t an Archiviste…
“Noé…” he shuddered with a prurient undertone, hinting his desire to feel.
Noé raised his head to notice Vanitas staring off. He recognized the bottle Vanitas had been eyeing on the nightstand.
Lamp oil? How strange. His thoughts were cut short when he heard Vanitas tell him to pour it on his fingers. Despite his uncertainty, Noé opened the bottle, and coated his fingers with the substance.
He sniffed it twice and realized that it the olive oil they used for the emergency lamp. He was still confused as to what exactly this was going to serve as; he’d known a bit about the birds and the bees, but not so much when it came to same-sex encounters.
He decided to use the oil on his two first fingers and spread it around Vanitas’ cock, covering the tip between his index and middle fingers. The oil from his fingers mixed with the slickness of his friend’s precum, providing an easy slip.
Soft gasps and sighs tumbled from Vanitas’ open lips, and he grabbed Noé’s wrist to redirect it further down. Noé, still new to all this, regarded Vanitas with confusion when he ordered him—
“Finger me.”
Shyly, Noé complied, watching in awe as his middle finger slipped through the tight barrier of Vanitas’ hole before being engulfed entirely inside him.
“Mmph-! Move it,” Vanitas squirmed.
Noé began moving his finger in and out. He was fascinated by the function.
Slowly, he slipped in a second finger, gazing at his partner as he began curling them with caution. He couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Vanitas was when he reacted to the action. Noé hadn’t the slightest clue what he’d been doing and yet, he still managed to please Vanitas. It was delightful.
Considering himself ready, Vanitas signaled for Noé to remove his fingers. He then positioned himself face down, ass up.
Vanitas was glad that the room had been dark enough to hide the scars on his body; he wouldn’t want to answer any questions about them. Quite frankly, he thought them to be ugly, nothing but irremovable stains on his body, forever marking him with misery.
Of course, that was only wishful thinking; he was dense to think that a creature of the night wouldn’t notice them. He’d only kept quiet out of respect for the person before him in that moment.
Putting two and two together, Noé coated and stroked himself with more of the oil before he pressed a flat palm onto Vanitas’ back, softly pushing him into a lower arch. He then held apart Vanitas’ cheeks, and aligned himself with him.
He pushed in moderately, taking care to lean down and check on his partner midway— “Are you okay?” he asked.
Vanitas, with a shuddering breath, answered back to him— “Yes. Keep going.”
Noé complied, bottoming out before he held his friend’s hips and started moving. Vanitas aided him, rocking back to meet him halfway.
The pace started out slow. As he watched himself plunge in and out of Vanitas, Noé felt honored, honored that he was allowed to discover this part of the mysterious man.
He dipped down to fit himself closer to Vanitas as he increased his pace bit by bit.
“Noé…” Vanitas moaned, his arch slowly collapsing until he was flat against the bed. His hands clutched the bedsheets as his body approached its peak.
“Vanitas…” Noé called back, not falling far behind the other man. He pressed a kiss to the man’s scarred shoulder blade and rested his head there for a few seconds before picking back up in speed.
“Noé,” Vanitas called again, turning back with lidded eyes to look at him.
“V-V—Vanitas,” The man stammered, now matching his gaze.
“Noé…! Noé…!! Noé…!!!” Vanitas crescendoed, screaming into the pillow as he came.
“Vanitas—!“ Noé clasped Vanitas’ hand. He hadn’t gotten the chance to dwell on it, but the bright blue hue of Vanitas’ hand markings complimented the dark complexion of his own skin quite beautifully.
A string of obscene moans and whimpers fell from his lips as he too came with one final thrust before he stilled against the man, both of them shuddering from the wreckage.
Heavy breathing filled the air as Noé and Vanitas struggled to catch their breath. They laid still against each other for a while and Vanitas could feel Noé’s hazy breath ghost his neck.
Vanitas winced at the return to reality when he felt the remnants of euphoria leave his body, to be replaced by the burning feeling of his ass in order to remind him of his nervous system, prompting Noé to let go of his hand and pull out of him with a hiss.
Silence covered the entirety of the room, bringing the men to realize just what exactly they’d done.
“Vanitas—“ Noé started.
“Hold me,” Vanitas requested, curling into a fetal position.
Noé forced his mouth shut, and scooted closer to a shrunken Vanitas, spooning him. Quietly, he wrapped his arms around Vanitas’ frame, and embraced him with soft kisses to his upper back and shoulder when he noticed another scar under the dim candlelight.
He knew that Vanitas hadn’t been shaking because of his orgasm; it just couldn’t have lasted that long. Vanitas confirmed his suspicions when he clung to the strong arms around him as he failed to stifle a sniffle. It wasn’t a loud one, but in the silence of the night, it was more than sufficient.
Despite his lack of knowledge in the situation, Noé still held him. He continued to comfort him, occasionally brushing back the damp hair from his face. He would place a tender kiss behind the man’s ear before going back to rubbing and kissing whatever skin he could reach.
Vanitas noticed that he frequented the areas of his scars. How undeserving he was to have someone as kind and loving as Noé…
Eventually, Vanitas ceased his trembling, and the two were able to fall asleep against each other in silence. Noé wasn’t surprised when he woke up at daybreak to find an empty spot beside him where Vanitas should have been.
With a heavy sigh, he got up, and started his day, scratching his head and yawning as he accepted the fact that Vanitas wouldn’t follow up a conversation about the events of the night before.
Noé came to peace with the fact that there were things that he would just never get to understand about Vanitas. But even so, he would still endure whatever that bewitching man threw his way, whether it be cruel words or heartfelt gestures.
Everything about Vanitas was flawed, but Noé loved him. And he just couldn’t stop loving him.
“Forever” he would tell himself whenever the two were together. They would last forever.
Forever… if only he could accept that nothing lasts forever…
‘Nobody but you...’ he thought to himself with a sigh as he stood in the empty confines of the room, staring at the book Vanitas had been reading the night before. Noé decided to head out and join the rest of his group, hoping to find Vanitas there waiting for him.
“Bonjour!” he beamed as he walked into the dining room.
Everyone greeted him in return, save for Vanitas who regarded him tenderly before he finally greeted him with an appreciative smile— “Bonjour, Noé.”