Chapter Text
Dear Till,
I write this in memory of our teenage days.
When your voice would fill empty classrooms.
When your paint brush would bring any canvas to museums.
If I could, I'd go back to cherish those days and make it last longer.
.
.
.
The classroom drowned in gold, the sun peering from behind the closed curtains. It was filled with the teacher’s distant voice on repeat, like a broken record– I could barely understand a word.
I rub my eyes while yawning, trying to stay awake in class. I check my watch.
[2:57 PM]
Class ends at 3:30PM...
I don't think I can last any longer.
I rest my cheek on my palm, passively listening to our teacher ramble on about cells. Midterms are next week, and everyone's silently dreading it. I, on the other hand, have been spending every night buried in my textbooks.
I glance at the boy sitting beside me.
His head resting on the desk, with his face buried in his arms. His figure was hidden behind a standing book as if it made it any better.
You're not slick. At least don't snore so loudly if you're even trying...
"...Isn't that right, Till?"
Everyone looked in his direction.
"Uh- ah, yes?"
The teacher leaned on his desk,
"Unless you're dreaming about our lecture then you're prohibited from sleeping in class."
Everyone laughed.
"...I hear you loud and clear, sir."
I force down a chuckle.
As the class continued with the discussion, I glanced at Till from time to time.
As he stumbled over his notes, jotting down what was left on the board and squinting his eyes whenever the teacher blocked his view. I took the liberty to let my eyes linger on him for a minute longer. Somehow, I never questioned why I enjoyed this view. It was like he always lit up the room.
I don’t think I’d ever tell him that, though.
Ring
The dismissal bell rang and snapped me back to my senses.
“Ivan.” He tapped my shoulder as I was packing my bag.
“Could you lend me your notes sometime?”
I chuckled, “Maybe if you weren’t busy sleeping all the time.”
“Dude, knock it out.” He scoffed, putting a strap over his shoulder. “I really need it.”
“Didn’t get enough sleep last night?”
He paused.
“Uh, yeah.” he swallowed. His eyes seemed to have avoided mine.
I noticed the slight discomfort from him. Like he was guilty– but not quite. Though my gut told me to push further, I decided to believe that he was definitely up composing another song.
“Magic word?”
“Are you-” he sighed, “Please?”
“Alright alright, I’ll lend it to you under one condition.”
“Why do I even bother asking you…” He mumbled. “What is it?”
I hummed, thinking what I could make out of this.
“Study with me at a cafe later. I’d like some company.”
“Seriously? You couldn’t have invited someone else?” He scratched the back of his ear.
“Hm, I was gonna ask Mizi but… She’s always busy with Sua after school.”
He thought it over, then let out a defeated sigh.
“Alright, fine. I need the notes anyway. I’ll see you later, man.”
"Study date?”
“Eugh! Get off me.” His expression soured.
I chuckled, “See you later, Till.”
Clicking his tongue, he waved without turning.
.
.
.
I opened the door to my apartment and took off my shoes before plopping my bag onto my bed.
It’s usually times like this when I realize how lonely it could be living on my own, after I left that man’s home. Staring at my desk, I took out my phone from my pocket and began typing.
[4:30PM, Street Coffee Cafe.] I sent the message to Till.
I head to my cabinet, taking out black pants and a plain white t-shirt. Changing out of my uniform, I hear a notification ring from my phone.
I let the shirt drape on my shoulder before replying,
[TILL: Don’t forget those notes. ]
After a short pause, the three dots appeared again.
|
[TILL: Please. ]
A smile crept into my face.
[ Alright. ]
.
.
.
[ 4:06 PM ] I checked my watch.
I settle on the table near the corner with the window view. The Cafe was filled with people, soft music playing over the speakers and drowning out the noise. Warm yellow lights filled the space.
Till isn’t here yet, so I decided to order something and set my things up for now.
I get up and head to the counter and skim through the menu. My options are the usual, a matcha latte, caramel macchiato.. Maybe I’ll need something sweeter while I study.
“Mocha, please. Make that iced.”
...
[4:15PM ]
I watched Till enter, wearing a black shirt with an album print and baggy jeans. His piercings were shining under the warm lights. I gulped down the strange fluttery feeling in my chest, maybe it’s because I haven't seen him wear anything other than his uniform lately.
“Did you wait long? I thought I was pretty early.”
He put down his bag on the chair in front of me.
“Nah, I just got here a few minutes ago.” Great job playing it cool, Ivan. I must look like a dork right now.
“I’ve never been here before.” He looked over at the menu by the counter, “I’ll go order. Get those notes out, I’m gonna grind the hell out of it.”
“Oh man, I think I forgot.”
He paused.
“Not like it’ll change your grades or anything.”
“Ivan.” He glared. “I just mentioned that in text 10 minutes ago.”
“Oh look,” I pulled it out of my bag. “Found it.”
“I’m gonna kill you.” He stomped off to the counter.
…
His iced americano begins to melt as time ticks by, with Till occasionally questioning my handwriting and spending my time explaining our lectures for the past month to him (unfortunately.)
“Nuclear.”
“No, Nucleus.”
“Nuked louise.”
“What the hell?” I laughed. “Are you even taking this seriously?”
“Not my fault you’re talking nonsense.”
“Look at you, a true genius.”
We both laughed, “Come on, Till. Work with me here.”
He paused, his laugh fading into a faint smile, looking down at the textbook.
“I really admire you.” he started.
...Wait, pause. What is this?
It's not so often that he'd be so honest. And what, endearing?
“You’re pretty smart. And you’re popular, the hell do they like about you?” His smile grew.
Speechless, I tried to remain calm, picking up my jaw. “What’s up with you?”
“What?”
“Suddenly admitting that I’m smarter and good looking. Did you fall for me or something?”
“What? Hell no, God forbid I appreciate people. Jeez.” His eyebrows furrowed. “Besides, I never said you were good-looking.”
“Technically you did.”
He scoffed, “In your dreams.”
“So you’re saying you look better than I do?”
“That’s a given, jerk.”
I tried to hold back my laughter, realizing that his face didn’t even twitch saying that.
“Alright, Mr. Good-looking. Let’s see if that face can save you during midterms.”
…
[7: 46PM] The Cafe turned quiet as it grew emptier.
Till’s body slumped to the side, leaning on the glass. He held up the textbook, then scratched his head while staring at it.
“I’m sick of this.” he put it down, rubbing his eyes.
“Should we call it a day?” I set my pen down.
“Yeah, sure.”
I mumbled, “Barely even grasped Bio, huh.”
“Shut up.”
I smiled at him, letting out a small giggle.
I began to pack my things, carefully sliding my textbooks back into my bag. Seeing Till organize the table, he nods as we head out.
I swung the door open, met with the endless night sky filled with lights. The road was empty in our neighborhood. The cold breeze caressed my face, sending shivers down my spine. The lined streetlights, the flickering lights inside vending machines, the neon signs in front of old stores– It all melted together and formed a world that felt like my own.
“It’s cold out here.” Till emerged from the cafe, rubbing his hands together and tucking it into his pockets.
I exhaled, taking in the scenery. “I’ll walk you home.”
“What? I’m not a kid.” he protested.
“You’re an easy target.”
“I’m gonna punch you in the face, see who’s an easy target.”
I laughed, ignoring his protests and walking to his house.
Footsteps filled the silence between us, and the sound of cars occasionally passing by to leave a tail of lights. I kicked rocks as I walked, hands in my pockets, breathing the cold air.
“So, how’s auntie?” I began.
No response.
“Till?” I turned, making sure he was still walking behind me.
We both stopped, in front of a closed store. His eyes darted across the road– anywhere else just not to meet my gaze.
“You good?”
“Hm, yeah. What are you stopping for?”
I swallowed. “Just checking if you got kidnapped.”
He clicked his tongue and lightly kicked my shin. Letting out a light giggle, I continued to move forward, letting him follow me from behind.
The silence began to feel uneasy, like something was tugging at my heart.
“Till.”
“Yeah?”
“What happened last night?”
He paused.
I turned to face him, “You’ve been acting off today.”
“Acting off? What do you mean?” He scoffed.
“Just a gut feeling. Something happened last night, right?”
It's gonna be embarrassing if I'm wrong.
But I've known him for so long, and I can't seem to let it go.
He gulped, “What, did you read my mind or something?”
“I’m fine. You’re overthinking it.”
I watched his eyes study the ground. “Then look at me while you say it.”
“Seriously, Ivan? You’re the one acting weird.” He looked at me, “I’m fine. Happy?”
He stared right back at me, eyebrows creased.
I pressed between his eyebrows with my finger, “You’re gonna get wrinkles.”
“So you were just messing with me, you bastard.”
“No, I mean it.” I felt my lips curve, “Tell me about it.”
“Tell you about what?”
“Last night.”
“I said I–”
“I’m not buying it.”
Biting his lip, he sighed.
“Jerk.”
He thought it over for a moment.
“...It’s my mom.”
“What happened to her?”
He pushed away my hand, “She’s in the hospital.”
My eyes widened.
“I had to stay there the night before so I barely got any sleep. There, you happy?”
My chest felt heavy. “...I’m sorry.”
A mix of relief and guilt rippled over my chest.
His gaze drifted back to the road, rubbing his arm with his thumb.
“No, it’s fine.”
I looked around, trying to piece together the right words.
“If you need help, call me.” I muttered in a gentle tone.
He scoffed, “And what are you gonna do?”
“Emotional support?”
He laughed, “You’re no good.”
I smiled with him, letting the night linger with his laughter lighting up the dark alleys, filling every crevice of my mind. Maybe he comforted me, instead.
I put a hand on his head, grazing his soft, silver hair, then tucking my hands into my pockets. I followed him as we walked, filling the night with our bickering. The world has never felt bigger, it never felt more alive than now– not like when I’m with him.
Till,
I wish you’d rely on me too.
.
.
.