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It’s 4:27pm on a Tuesday, and they’re halfway through shooting the music video for Give Me A Break.
They’re currently on, well, a break between shots: Otto and Geoff are playing a game on the latter’s phone, Michael is snacking on a grapefruit, gossiping with Sara, and Awsten is getting his hair adjusted for the final shot. He can’t even act like he isn’t excited for this scene – he’s been hyping himself up all morning to prepare for kissing Michael on camera. It won’t be their first time kissing, but it is the first time around others; the announcement of their relationship to their friends is fresh, the new information lingering in the air surrounding the filming. The novelty applies to them, too: they’ve never even gotten the chance to hold hands in public. All in all, this is a big step, and Awsten is excited. Not just because he gets to kiss his boyfriend, which is an added benefit, but also because it’s for their first song together. And it’s definitely ending up on Twitter – he knows the fans are going to freak out, and he can’t wait to see it from the front row.
As he thinks about his boyfriend, his eyes drift to him. He watches Michael grip another slice of grapefruit with his fingers, biting into it. His mouth shines red with the juice; Awsten wants to lick it off his lips. He’s never had a grapefruit, as surprising as that may sound, and he has no intention to try them, either. All he’s heard about them is that they’re bitter and sour, but he’s sure Michael could make it taste sweet.
Awsten brushes off the train of thought before it can go far; this would be the worst shot possible to film half-hard. Michael’s eyes glance toward him, meeting Awsten’s from across the room; the taller grins, shooting him a wink. It makes Awsten blush like a teenager, butterflies erupting in his stomach. Their relationship is very new, and maybe a little fragile too. Awsten’s sexuality remains a mystery to him, but he doesn’t care. He likes Michael – maybe a little more than likes him – and this feels like something that’s going to last.
“Alright,” his stylist says, bringing his attention back to the present. “You’re good to go.”
Awsten smiles, thanking her – he thinks her name is Angelica, but he’s met so many people today that he’s rather embarrassingly unsure.
Across the room, Geoff loses whatever game he’s playing, cursing loudly. Otto just laughs, watching as everyone prepares for the next shot.
They get into place quickly – Sara on the bed, Awsten in front of her, waiting to kiss his boyfriend on camera. Michael is just coming back into the room, wiping his wet hands on his pant legs to dry them fully from the grapefruit juice before finding his spot in front of Awsten, whose excitement has partially shifted into quite a bit of anxiety at the public display of affection in front of so many of his friends and colleagues. Michael catches his eyes, smiling softly. Around them, the crew is still setting up, so Michael knocks his hand against Awsten’s, linking their index fingers together.
“You okay?” Michael mumbles, the quiet words only meant for his boyfriend.
“Yeah,” he smiles. “Just feels weird. There’s… a lot of people in here.”
“We can always change the script if you’d prefer.”
“No!” It comes out a little louder than Awsten intended, and he smiles apologetically at the few heads that turn their way. “I wanna kiss my boyfriend on camera. And I cannot wait to see Twitter freaking out over it.” Michael chuckles softly.
“Alright, places!” Comes the yell from a few feet away. The smile melts off Awsten’s face but the glint of amusement in his eyes stays. He tilts his head down, breathing deeply, preparing for the shot. Their fingers slip apart to adjust their stances.
“Three, two, one… action!”
Awsten meet’s Michael’s eyes, his own flickering down to the taller’s lips a moment later. He tilts his head forward, attempting to take it slow, but then Michael pushes forward, pressing their lips together hard, and Awsten has to fight a noise he does not want to make in front of so many people rising up from the back of his throat. His lips are tingling, and a blush is rising onto his cheeks. Around them, the room is silent; everyone is watching them kiss.
“Cut!” They pull apart softly. Awsten feels a lot more out of breath than he should. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Otto and Geoff watching them; the latter shoots him an encouraging smile before they go back to their game.
They end up doing three more shots, just to be safe. Each one somehow involves a little more tongue – not that Awsten is complaining. His mouth continues to tingle, more and more intensely than before; his tongue also doesn’t quite fit in his mouth anymore. Maybe he’s just hyperaware of it again. He writes off the tingling as an anxiety response. It wouldn’t be the first time.
“Okay,” their director says. “Let’s do one more take, just to be sure, and then move onto the next scene.” Michael nods.
Awsten feels a little off somehow, but he knows they need this shot done; he shakes his head a little to get his brain in order. The motion makes him abruptly dizzy, and he stumbles slightly. Michael grips his arm.
“Hey,” he says, voice as soft and caring as ever. It could make Awsten melt. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Awsten manages after a moment, blinking to clear his vision. “Just a little dehydrated, I think. I can do the take, don’t worry.” He smiles. “Don’t think I’m passing up an opportunity to kiss you.”
“Alright,” Michael says, grinning back. His smile is so gorgeous; it blinds Awsten momentarily. He feels a surge of love so intense he wants to launch forward and kiss Michael anyway, cameras be damned. The slight tenderness of his own lips – and the desire to get the shot right – make him hesitate. “Let’s do this and I’ll bring you whatever drink you feel like.”
“My knight in shining armor,” Awsten whispers, eyes flicking down to Michael’s lips automatically. The hand on his arm slides down to grip his fingers, squeezing.
“Alright, you two. Ready?” An exasperated voice asks from somewhere near the lights. Awsten realizes everyone is waiting on him and Michael. Sue them, he thinks. They wish they had what we do.
He squeezes Michael’s fingers as the recording starts. Michael squeezes back but doesn’t pull away. It’s not like the cameras can see their hands anyway.
“Three, two, one, and…. action!”
Michael lurches forward again. Awsten can’t help but flinch back a little at its abruptness, but his mouth opens on instinct, catching his boyfriend’s lips perfectly. Awsten tilts his head to deepen the kiss on instinct, and Michael slides his tongue in his mouth. The tenderness of it, despite the number of people watching, makes it probably one of their top three kisses ever. Not that Awsten keeps track or anything (he does, in fact; their first kiss remains at number one).
They stay like that for a moment, lips and tongues sliding together passionately. The sensation in Awsten’s mouth shifts from a tingle to a burn, and this he knows cannot be from his obsession with his boyfriend alone. No: his stomach is tied in knots, and not just from anxiety. Alarm bells start going off in his head; something is wrong.
Awsten is pulling away before he even hears the yell of Cut!, detangling his fingers from Michael’s and stumbling over to the bed, tears blurring his vision. Sara moves out of the way instinctively, though confused, leaving space for him to sit on the edge. He buries his face in his hands, fighting to catch his breath. It feels like he just ran a marathon, and his entire face is buzzing with it — and not in a good way.
“Awsten? Get him some water. Awsten.” He barely registers Michael calling his name as the weight of the bed shifts beside him, Sara moving off to get him water. “What’s wrong? You’re really red.”
Tilting his head up to face his boyfriend takes a Herculean effort. Panic is starting to set in; Awsten’s entire body is trembling. “I-I don’t know. I can’t- Michael, I can’t breathe.” The words are accompanied by a weak wheeze.
“Shit, here. Drink this.” Awsten attempts to take the water Sara brought him, but his hands are shaking so hard he almost spills it. Michael wraps his fingers around Awsten’s, guiding the plastic cups to his lips. He manages a single sip before he’s sputtering, choking on the water. Awsten pushes the cup away, back into Michael’s hands fully; the wheezing is stronger now.
Geoff sits down next to him. “Awsten, what’s wrong?” Awsten can’t answer; he’s too focused on attempting to get air in his lungs. He shakes his head, frantic, terrified. “Hey, okay. Breathe,” Geoff says, voice soft.
“Can’t,” Awsten manages, wishing they’d stop asking him to do that. He knows this isn’t a panic attack; this is something much, much worse. He just has no idea what.
Michael grips his fingers. “Awsten, look at me. It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay. Someone call an ambulance!” He yells the last part to the crew behind him. Out of the coner of his vision, Awsten sees Otto scrambling for his phone. He hears as the older dials out a set of numbers and presses call.
At the sound of Otto describing his condition to whoever is on the other side, Awsten fights instinctively; he doesn’t want to go to a hospital, even if, deep down, he knows he has to. He attempts to stand anyway, forcing Michael to move back from his crouching position in front of Awsten. Maybe it is just a panic attack, he tries to tell himself.
It doesn’t work.
As soon as he makes it to his feet, his knees buckle. Michael catches him easily - he’d probably find it hot if he didn’t feel like he was fighting to stay alive.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Awsten. Stay awake, please.” There are tears in Michael’s eyes. “Please, Awsten. breathe. Hold on; help will be here soon. Please just hold on for a little longer.”
Awsten tries his hardest, he really does. But Michael is cradling his torso in his lap so comfortably, and he’s stroking Awsten’s cheek, too. It’s so peaceful that he almost forgets he’s choking on air. He feels exhausted; his eyes flutter shut.
Briefly, he registers that Michael is still speaking. “I love you so so much, Awsten, baby, please hold on.”
Instinctively, he opens his eyes, finding the other’s, opening his mouth to say I love you too. He’s interrupted by a sharp pain in his chest. Awsten gasps, vision whiting out. Michael is yelling, either at him or to someone else, he isn’t sure. He knows he should stay awake to understand what’s going on, but he just can’t.
The last thing he hears before he loses consciousness is a yell of “Move!”
–––––
Awsten wakes up to beeping.
The memory of changing his alarm sound last night is missing from his half-asleep brain, but this one is annoying as fuck. He groans, scrambling for his phone on the nightstand automatically to turn it off, but a hand grabs his wrist.
“Hey, hey. Okay. Take it easy.”
Okay, what the fuck? Awsten remembers going to bed alone. Who the hell is in his bedroom?
Awsten’s eyes fly open and— oh. He’s not in his room. His ceiling is definitely further than that. It takes another moment for it to all come rushing back in: the music video set, the kiss. Otto and Geoff playing a game in the corner. Several kisses. Then panic, gasping for air, his knees giving out. Movement catches his eyes on his right, and when Awsten turns, eyes following the shape of his own arm, he meets Michael’s eyes. They’re red; tear tracks are drying on his cheeks. His hair is a mess, too, and his eyes shine.
“Hey, baby.” Michael says softly, a gentle smile on his face. Somehow it twists all wrong, and Michael looks more like he’s about to cry again. Awsten frowns, reaching over with his other hand to wipe a stray tear on his cheek. His hand gets caught after moving less than a foot, though, and when he glances over, he finds an IV attached to his arm. Awsten feels the urge to pull it out.
“Don’t touch that,” Michael says softly, seemingly knowing exactly what was going on in the other’s head. When Awsten turns back to him, he adds: “Doctor said it’ll help make you feel better.”
Awsten furrows his brows. “What happened to me?” He’s momentarily shocked at the roughness of his voice. With his free hand, Michael gives him a cup of water, which Awsten takes, grateful.
“Apparently you had an anaphylactic allergic reaction. They said if the ambulance hadn’t gotten there when it did, they’re not sure you would’ve made it.” Michael’s voice cracks at the end of the sentence, and he has to cut himself off to take a breath. Subconsciously, he tightens his grip on his boyfriend’s hand. “Why didn’t you tell us you had food allergies? The team could’ve accommodated for you.” The why didn’t you tell me goes unsaid.
“I–I had no idea.” As he says it the door to their room opens, and a middle-aged woman in white walks in, a small smile appearing on her face when she sees that Awsten is awake.
“Mr. Knight,” she starts, stepping to his bedside. Awsten sits up a little in response, placing his cup beside him, mindful of the IV in one of his hands and Michael’s grip on the other –he seems to be refusing to let Awsten go, now that he knows he’s okay. “My name is Dr. Miller. How are you feeling?”
“Uh, my head hurts a little, and I’m exhausted, but other than that… fine, I guess?”
“That’s good to hear; it means we can discharge you soon. You’ll probably feel drained for a couple days – that’s common.” She tilts her head toward Michael. “Your partner said he didn’t know of any allergies you might have that could cause this. Do you know what caused the reaction?”
He thinks for a moment. “I have no idea, really. We were filming for a music video; one moment I was fine and the next… I wasn’t. I didn’t eat anything between the takes, so that can’t be it.”
“Were you maybe exposed through anyone around you?” Awsten shakes his head. Dr Miller pauses for a moment, thinking. “Are you sure?” After a moment, she adds: “Was there maybe a chance that your partner ate something and then you kissed? If an allergy is strong, that could also be a cause.”
The blood drains from Michael’s face. “Are you saying there’s a chance I caused this?”
“We can’t rule out any options.”
“The grapefruit,” Awsten mutters.
“What?”
He turns to Michael. “You ate a grapefruit right before filming, right? I’ve never had one before; it’s the only thing it could’ve been.”
“Oh.”
“It’s good that we’ve found a probable source, then. We’ll have to do a proper allergy test to confirm, but that can wait. I’ll finish your report, and then you’re free to go home.”
“Thank you,” Awsten responds, relieved. When he turns back to Michael as the doctor leaves, though, a heavy pit settles in his stomach. Michael looks horrified. “Michael,” he says, voice softening, “you didn’t know. None of us did.”
“’Didn’t know’? Awsten, I made you this sick.” Michael pulls his hand away, standing abruptly and beginning to pace around the room. “I almost lost you. I almost lost you because of a snack I had on set that I didn’t even think could cause something like this. This is my fault. If I hadn’t eaten that fucking grapefruit, you would’ve been okay.”
Awsten sits up cautiously, feet crossed as he reaches a hand out toward his boyfriend. It goes unacknowledged.
“Oh my god,” Michael whispers after a pause. “I almost killed you.” He suddenly seems unable to hold up his own weight, slumping on the bed next to Awsten. A hand covers his mouth; fresh tears glint in his eyes. He’s reluctant to look at the other.
“Michael,” Awsten says, voice soft, placing a hand on the taller’s shoulder. He chooses his words carefully, trying to not take the flinch he gets in response at the touch personally. “Michael, baby, listen. This wasn’t your fault. It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced, sure, but you’re the one who insisted for someone to call for help. You got me through it. I’m here thanks to you. And maybe, if this happened at another point and you weren’t there, I wouldn’t have been so lucky.” Awsten is on the verge of tears by now, too; he lays his head on Michael’s shoulder, searching for the comfort both of them need.
“God, Awsten,” Michael says after a moment, voice rough with unshed tears. “I was terrified.”
“I know. Me too.”
“I love you so incredibly much. And I’m so, so sorry. Is there any way I can make it up to you?”
“I love you too. Always. Today has been a lot. I just want to go home as soon as we can and be close to you.”
Michael turns his head gently, pressing a kiss to Awsten’s temple. “Alright.”
–––––
Two hours later, they’re doing exactly that: Michael is laying on his couch, Awsten on top of him. A movie neither of them is watching playing in the background quietly. They’re just quietly basking in each other’s presence, Michael watching as Awsten texts Geoff and Otto to confirm that he’s okay before switching to Twitter. They’re both a little shaken up still - especially Michael, who’s treating Awsten like he’s made of glass. He can’t say he doesn’t get why.
“I wanna kiss you,” Awsten says suddenly, dropping his phone onto the coffee table and turning around in Michael’s grip.
“I know. Me too. But you know we can’t. Not for another eighteen hours or so.” And Awsten does know; the doctor said they need to make sure he won’t have another reaction. Still, he groans, burying his face in Michael’s chest dramatically.
“This sucks.” He hears Michael laugh softly, his hand running through Awsten’s hair. Awsten is glad for the reaction, and smiles softly too despite himself. “I just want to kiss my boyfriend.”
“By this time tomorrow, I promise you can kiss me as much as you’d like. That’s the best I can do.”
“Okay, yeah.” Awsten is silent for another minute or so, face buried comfortably in Michael’s chest, listening to his heartbeat, before he laughs softly. Michael smiles, too, though he’s unsure why they’re laughing at all. “I can’t believe my boyfriend is so hot that kissing him got me hospitalized.”
Michael laughs cautiously, though it’s mixed in with a wince; he’s clearly still guilty. “Too soon.”
“Too soon? Alright, I’ll give it a few more days.” Awsten’s smile is a little softer now. They simply stare at each other for a moment, taking in the sight of one another in the peaceful semi-silence.
“Never scare me like that again.” Michael says after a minute, voice thick with emotion again. “I thought I was going to lose you. I’ve had you for such little time, Awsten, I couldn’t bear to lose you now. Or ever.”
“You won’t. I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.” He places a kiss to Michael’s jaw, in a spot which he can just about reach. “I love you.”
Michael relaxes under him a little further, though he’s still somewhat tense, ready to jump at any sign that Awsten isn’t okay. Awsten assumes that’ll be the case for a while. Today scared both of them; it’ll take some time to bounce back, but he knows they can do it together.
“I love you too.” Awsten smiles, and lays his head back down on Michael’s chest, head tilted to face the TV. He places his ear directly over the taller’s heart, letting it lull him into half-sleep; Michael’s hand rests on his hair, scratching at Awsten’s scalp gently.
They stay like that for the rest of the night, basking in the knowledge that they’re both okay.