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Taesan’s heart was heavy the entire practice. For six hours, all the ace could think about was the fact he was roughly 30 minutes from his little– his sick little, who had looked at him with glassy eyes and begged him not to leave this morning.
“Taesan!” Sungho sighed in frustration as their shoulders collided. That was the fifth time in a row bumping into him, and Taesan’s seventh time getting the timing wrong. The black-haired man cursed under his breath, sheepishly apologizing to his hyung before getting back into starting formation.
Just as their choreographer was about to restart the music, Jaehyun called for a break. The choreographer let out an annoyed groan but gave them the go-ahead, much to everyone’s relief.
“Hyung, I love you– but I need you to lock in,” Woonhak said as he flopped onto the floor dramatically, his sweaty hair sticking to his forehead. “I second that.” Riwoo piped up, leaning against the mirror and taking slow sips from his water bottle.
Meanwhile, Taesan was already digging in his back for his phone. The frantic searching took the action longer than it should’ve, which only grew his frustration.
“Hey,” Jaehyun said, sitting down and leaning slightly against the mirrored wall. Taesan mumbled a distracted “Hey Myungjae” as he continued rummaging through his duffle bag.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t get us out of practice today.” Jaehyun apologized, a slightly sheepish tone catching Taesan’s attention. The black-haired man looked up towards the group’s leader, “It’s not your fault, just part of the job.”
The part of the job Taesan hated the most.
Jaehyun shrugged, “Yeah, I know, but…” He bit his lip, thinking over his words before leaning in closely, careful not to let the newly hired choreographer hear. “I know it’d stress Riwoo out if I were sick and he still had to work, I think he’d actually go crazy.” Jaehyun joked, making Taesan laugh slightly– the tiniest bit of guilt taken from his shoulders.
“I feel awful,” Taesan admitted, finally finding his phone. “Like I’m failing at this whole caregiver thing.” He frowned, typing in his password. Jaehyun instantly shook his head, “Taesan, it’s not your fault either. Leehan will understand– I’m sure he already does.”
Taesan gulped down the emotion in his throat, “Thanks, hyung.”
Jaehyun nodded, standing up and ruffling the taller’s sweaty hair before moving to pry Woonhak off the wooden floor.
The ace opened up KakaoTalk, instantly finding Leehan’s contact and feeling his heart ache at his little’s messages.
‘Guppy 🐠 : :( kitty home soon?’
‘Guppy 🐠 : m throat huts kitty :c’
Taesan instantly typed back a reply, doing his best to comfort his little one despite the distance.
‘Kitty-san 🐈⬛ : i’ll be home before bedtime buddy,
you ate the food i left you, right?’
‘Kitty-san 🐈⬛ : kitty misses you so much’
“Break’s over!” The group’s choreographer announced, clapping his hands together and startling the five boys. “Let’s get it right this time, boys.”
“I’m sure he’s fine, Taesan.” Riwoo assured, unable to ignore the fact that Taesan was nervously bouncing his leg up and down. “Hyung’s right! I’m sure little ‘han is just watching his fish!” Woonhak attempted.
Leehan hadn’t answered Taesan again, not even reading the messages his caregiver sent during their short break. The black-haired man sent yet another frantic message, asking if the little was okay.
“Or asleep, his body is probably fighting off the virus.” Sungho piped up, making Jaehyun nod in agreement. “I slept two days in a row last time I had a cold.” The leader laughed, making Riwoo confirm– “I thought he died.”
Taesan let out a breathy laugh, nodding quietly. He wasn’t sure how much he believed the five, but their effort to calm him down was heartwarming.
Taesan was out of the car and in the dorm before everyone else. Woonhak had dropped his phone between the seats, and retrieving it was a five-person job, for some reason.
He turned the key into the lock, swinging the door open and immediately scanning the lower dorm. “Guppy?” He called out, removing his shoes and dropping his dufflebag on the couch before making his way down the hall and knocking gently against Leehan’s bedroom door.
“Hannie? Kitty’s home,” Taesan called out, carefully twisting the handle and pushing the door open. Instantly, he let out a sigh of relief as soon as he saw Leehan curled on his bed, fast asleep. A pile of tissues on the floor beside the bed.
“Oh…agi…” Taesan cooed, crouching beside the bed and brushing Leehan’s bleached hair away from his face, and placing the back of his hand against his forehead. The little still had a slight fever, his biggest quarrels seeming to be his runny nose and sore throat.
Leehan blinked up at his caregiver, glassy eyes breaking Taesan’s heart even further. The blonde boy sniffled, sitting up and immediately latching onto his hyung– burying his face into his hoodie.
Taesan shushed him, scooting into bed with him and deciding showering would have to wait. “I’m here now, I’m sorry I left ihanie.” The caregiver’s voice was gentle, yet couldn’t hide the evident sadness and shame he felt.
He knew that it technically wasn’t his fault, but that didn’t make the guilt any better.
Leehan mumbled something intelligible, sleep still heavy on his lids as he rested his head against his carer’s chest. Taesan toyed with the blonde’s hair, curling the slightly damaged strands around his fingers before letting them fall back down.
Just as Taesan was about to let himself spiral into more anxious thoughts about being inadequate, about urging Leehan to find a better, more experienced caregiver, his little one spoke up.
“Missed ‘ou.” The words were simple and sleep-slurred. Yet they made Taesan’s heart melt almost immediately, the weight of the world being lifted off his shoulders and set to the side because his little one missed him .
“I missed you, too, bud.” Taesan whispered, not wanting to speak too loudly, knowing that Leehan’s sensory needs were always more sensitive when he didn’t feel good. “So much, I was watching the clock the whole time.” Taesan wasn’t even exaggerating that part. “I was worried you’d be mad at me for leaving.” He wasn’t even sure why he was telling the regressed boy this.
Leehan let out a hoarse giggle, blinking up at his caregiver. “That’s silly.”
Taesan smiled fondly, brushing his hair away from his face. “Yeah, it is. Isn’t it?”
The rest of the evening was filled with plenty of tissue boxes, spoon-feeding Leehan a soup that Riwoo had delivered, and Jaehyun swearing on his entire life that he’d watch over Leehan with his life while Taesan washed away the stress of the day.