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It’s a complicated thing, to crave being wanted, but to be afraid of being seen.
It’s a dance Sanghyuk committed himself to the steps of a long time ago, until it was second nature for his body to perform the routine that guards himself from all that could hurt him.
It’s a defense mechanism, he’s sure of it— something that is there purely to protect his heart. Sanghyuk craves being wanted, desires to be loved, and he does, to his own chagrin, want someone to see him for who he is. At his core.
That just also happens to be the one thing that scares him more than anything else.
And no ones ever seen him quite so plainly as Kim Woonhak.
“What are you thinking about?”
Sanghyuk glances up from where his head has been tucked against Woonhaks chest. He has half the mind to ask how Woonhak can tell that he’s thinking when he couldn’t even see his face— a larger part of him knows by now that that’s just how Woonhak is.
It’s not as if Woonhak always knows what he’s thinking, or what he wants; he’d have to be superhuman for that, especially when Sanghyuk is particularly adept at hiding his emotions when he wants to. Instead, Woonhak just… understands him.
He takes every bit of Sanghyuks complicated personality in stride. Even the messiest, ugliest parts that Sanghyuk dreads anyone seeing of him, Woonhak welcomes with open arms and a beautiful smile.
And as for Sanghyuks resolve, well Woonhak fucking crumbles it. Before the winds of their relationship even started to change course, before their lips had ever touched, before they’d ever fallen into the same bed, Woonhak had him.
It’s as if he’d unraveled Sanghyuk completely— found a loose string and tugged until he was left bare; only as he is, nothing more, nothing less. Woonhak saw him, and he still fell for him.
Sanghyuk still doesn’t get it sometimes. In his head, he’s always been the type of person that couldn’t be loved fully unless he had something to offer. Maybe a transactional type of love. He doesn’t know if it’s a self worth thing, or if its roots are deeper, but it makes it really hard for him to truly believe anyone could both know and love him simultaneously.
Woonhak got in anyway. He stole a kiss and the air from his lungs and he took Sanghyuks heart from him, but he did so kindly— it wasn’t a robbery, it was an exchange. He took Sanghyuks heart, and he gave his own in return.
He adores Sanghyuk. Treats him like a princess most of the time, unafraid to appear a bit pathetic under Sanghyuks, admittedly, occasionally judgemental gaze. It was never an act, though; never done up for other eyes, not for something in return, just simply because he wanted to.
Woonhak cares with everything he has.
“You,” Sanghyuk answers him. He tucks his chin on the back of his hand, fingers curved over Woonhaks chest.
Woonhaks hair is messy, tousled from sleep, a few faint lines from Sanghyuks pillows still pressed into his cheeks. The morning sun makes his skin look warm and honeyed. He has such a good view of Woonhak like this, barefaced and still a little drowsy, gazing up at Sanghyuk like he’s worth taking the time to admire.
Light kisses every curve and adage of Woonhaks face, one corner of his mouth lifting at Sanghyuks admission. “You’re thinking about me?”
He says it like it’s surprising. Like there’s anyone, anything else Sanghyuk would bother thinking about when Woonhak is here, a hand brushing up and down the dip of Sanghyuks spine, settled into his bed like he’s never belonged anywhere else.
“Yeah,” Sanghyuk picks his head up and scoots a bit closer. He cards his fingers through the front of Woonhaks hair and settles his hand at the top of his head. “Is that allowed?”
Woonhaks eyes crinkle when he laughs and Sanghyuk gets fucking butterflies, god help him. He tightens his hold a bit on Woonhaks hair to get him to stop laughing, indulging in the soft gasp it elicits. He pinches Sanghyuks waist in retaliation and he snorts.
“You’re annoying,” Sanghyuk tells him, so Woonhak wrinkles his nose at him. A hand curls around the nape of Sanghyuks neck and tugs him closer until their foreheads are pressed together. Woonhak opens his eyes wide and it looks so fucking ridiculous when Sanghyuk is this close that a giggle bubbles out from his throat before he can think to stop it.
Fuck, can Woonhak make Sanghyuk laugh; even when he’s being stubborn. Or bitchy. Or bordering on spiteful. It’s impressive of him, honestly, the patience that’s built into his bones. Sanghyuk loves him more than he thinks he could possibly put into words.
He’s lucky Woonhak sees right through him. He’s never questioned Sanghyuks feelings for him, because that’s something he could never even try to hide. Woonhak sees him for who he is, through the mess and static, his love and all.
“Say that again, I dare you,” Woonhak mutters, voice comically serious, eyes slightly crossed, and Sanghyuk has to purse his lips together to avoid laughing again. He swallows it down and makes his expression neutral before he attempts to speak.
“I said, you’re ann-“
This time, he doesn’t get to finish, because Woonhak tilts his head and mashes their lips together gracelessly. Sanghyuk laughs into his mouth but Woonhak doesn’t relent, and Sanghyuk can’t help but melt into his kiss like ice cream on a hot day.
Arms snake around his waist and pull him flush to Woonhaks chest, hands dipping under his shirt, fingers pressing against the muscles in his back like he’s trying to siphon the tension from them. Sanghyuk melts all over again.
He sighs softly against Woonhaks lips and he feels him smile, smug, clearly knowing he’s won. Whatever. Sanghyuk has long since resigned from trying to pretend like he isn’t a little pathetic when it comes to Kim Woonhak.
It’s a precious thing, to be seen and wanted. Sanghyuk isn’t about to take it for granted.