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Chenle loves throwing house parties, it’s like a hobby for him, but somehow, this party feels so different.
He can’t quite grab his attention to it but, he sees Jisung from far away, Chenle could see Jisung with Renjun.
Renjun is Chenle’s sweet sweet cousin, too sweet sometimes, to the point Chenle envy’s him for it, Renjun has Everything, Chenle wants Everything.
Chenle aches a bit, quietly, he observes Renjun and Jisung, how they laugh like its nothing, how they talk like they’ve known each other since the beginning of time, how they are so comfortable with each other.
Chenle’s best friend likes Chenle’s cousin. That thought was already sickening enough.
He could feel his blood rushing, his fingers were numb, Chenle felt like he was being too dramatic, it’s okay if Jisung likes someone.
This one crush felt like something shot him in the heart thirty times non-stop.
Everyones laughter felt so quiet as he observes Jisung and Renjun, the world didn’t matter to them, but this moment mattered a bit too much for Chenle.
Jisung looked like he was enjoying the party, because of Renjun, now that Chenle realizes it, Jisung didn’t wanna come to the party until Chenle mentioned Renjun.
Chenle stumbled a bit, as he was staring at the pair while trying to grab a drink for himself in the kitchen.
That thought kind of punched him in the heart.
Everything wasn’t supposed to go well for Renjun, it was supposed to go well for Chenle, as thats what Chenle thought.
His heart felt like it was swelling non stop in pain, he doesn’t like this stupid feeling.
The world is unfair, if its unfair for Renjun too, would is make it fair for everyone?
It felt like minutes, the party, it felt like minutes.
Everything went by so fast, Chenle was just staring quietly, his heart beating so fast when Jisung’s face is near Renjun's.
Time felt like a blink, one moment he was staring at his friends partying, the next thing he knows is that, Jisung was on his couch after the party, scrolling on his phone quietly.
Jisung stayed.
He always did.
Always.
The silence was killing Chenle slowly, shouldn’t they be best friends? Shouldn’t they have chemistry? Why is the silence burning up Chenle inside.
Suddenly a song plays faintly from the tv, Chenle doesn’t know where the remote is, the album cover lights up the dark and awkward atmosphere in the room.
“You smiled a lot today.” Chenle says softly, grabbing some plastic cups as he tidies the small coffee table.
Jisung was chatting someone on his phone, his eyes practically glued to the phone, but he took some thought to say “Hm, Really?”
After a moment of silence Jisung chuckles softly with a “Guess i did” as he watches videos on his phone.
Chenle said a small “Mhm” as he continues to clean the table up.
Not because of me, is what Chenle wanted to say, Never because of me.
Chenle grabbed the trash bag and threw all the plastic cups and confetti, this party he worked so hard on meant something to him, but did it even matter for Jisung?
only threw this party for you
Jisung’s soft laugh was like a melody, “Le, look at this” Jisung shows Chenle a video of Renjun dancing.
He looked so happy, you can hear Jisung’s laugh in the video.
Jisung was never this happy with Chenle.
Chenle knew everything about Jisung.
But does Jisung know everything about Chenle?
dj with your favorite tunes
Chenle smiles and says a small “That’s funny!” and walks to the kitchen.
He grabs all the random trash on the kitchen counter, Chenle stops.
Chenle feels sick again, him thinking that his best friend (Jisung) of nine years likes his best friends cousin (Renjun).
Chenle has been inlove with Jisung for around five years, Chenle feels sick to the stomach.
He should’ve confessed earlier, but Chenle isn’t Jisung’s type, Jisung wants someone soft, nice, trustworthy.
Chenle thinks he isn’t any of them.
He throws away the thoughts and sees Jisung walk into the kitchen.
Chenle’s heart races a bit, no matter how wasted the younger boy is, he’s always beautiful.
His heart shaped smile, his sparkling eyes, his voice, his sweet actions, Chenle feels like his skin is burning up.
“Where’s Renjun?”
That question kind of made Chenle’s heart race even more, in a way, it could never be him, Chenle starts to sweat.
“I think he went home already.”
“Oh, really? Damn.”
“Why are you asking?”
“Oh, nothing..”
Chenle could see Jisung’s flustered smile even though the younger isn’t even smiling, Chenle feels his heart is ripping out.
Chenle gulps down all the words he wanted to say and continues cleaning the kitchen counter.
dancin’ on to your favorite tunes
“Jisung?”
“Yea?”
“If i told you i like you, would it ruin things?”
Chenle, who was facing down finally faced up to meet Jisung’s eyes.
The younger male furrowed his eyebrows, his expression unreadable.
Jisung wasn’t angry no, he was quite the opposite. The silence was cold, you could only hear their breathing.
His gaze softened.
only threw this party for you
“You shouldn’t do this to yourself.”—“You shouldn’t.”
After a moment Jisung says “You deserve someone who really sees you.”
Those sentences kind of killed Chenle’s soul.
Chenle forced out a smile, bitter and brittle. “Yeah.”
“I just..” Jisung looks away, rubbing the back of his neck softly. “I care about you dude, just not the way you expect me to.”
Oh, it’s okay, i know, Chenle thought, I’ve always known.
Chenle throws the last remaining piece of trash to the big plastic bag.
“You know I made this whole thing tonight just so you’d come, right?” Chenle said, kind of desperate. “So we could just hang out. Just you and me. Like before.”
Jisung doesn’t respond as he continues to look away and avoids Chenle’s gaze.
“I know you like Renjun.”—“This is not me blackmailing you, but, it’s kind of obvious.” Chenle forces out a laugh.
“I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I already feel happy when i’m spending time with you. Even if you never looked at me the same.”
Jisung stood there silent, as the sound of the music still played in the background, and the rustling from the plastic bags.
“How long have you liked me?” Jisung mumbles out, loud enough for Chenle to hear.
“Long enough for it to hurt.”
“I’m sorry.” Jisung finally looks up at Chenle’s eyes.
Chenle shook his head softly “Don’t be, you didn’t ask for my feelings.”
if you saw my tears, would you touch me?
Jisung hesitated to leave, its like he wanted to say something, but in the end, he just patted Chenle’s shoulder and left, the door click echoed through the walls.
When Chenle finished cleaning up, he hurried to his room, which was upstairs.
He locked the door softly.
i wish you’d get here, kiss my face
A tears start to fall down his eyes. Chenle lays down on his bed and drowns his face onto his pillow.
He doesn’t cry loudly, he never does.
But his heart, it screamed, it screamed so loudly the only thing he could hear was his heartbeat which was rushing.
And the music in the living room, was still playing.
party on you