Chapter Text
“Sirius, who’s that from?” Remus asked as he sat down next to him.
Sirius didn’t answer, too busy reading and rereading the words on the parchment in his hands. He felt oddly numb, like there was a buzzing in his head and the tips of his fingers had lost all feeling.
“A ghost,” Sirius finally whispered.
“What?” Remus asked, picking up on Sirius’ mood. He took the letter, and Sirius’ hands fell into his lap as though holding it was the only thing keeping them up.
There was a moment of heavy silence as Remus read through the contents of the letter.
“Fuck,” Remus breathed . “Are you sure it’s him?”
“It’s his handwriting.” Sirius buried his face in his hands, elbows propped up on his knees. He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes.
“There are ways to forge a letter. It-it could be a trap.”
“What if it isn’t?” Sirius cried out suddenly. He sat up, tears forming in his eyes as he turned to Remus. “What if it really is him?”
“He’s still a Death Eater. Are you sure this is a good idea?” Remus asked softly. His brows knit together in concern.
“ He’s my brother. Moony, if he’s still alive- I have to go. Even if it’s a trap.”
Remus took Sirius’ hand into both of his and softly kissed his knuckles. Sirius couldn’t help but think of how far they’d come since the end of the war. The years of fighting had nearly torn them apart, but the two had worked hard to rebuild their relationship over the past few months.
“Then I’m coming with you,” Remus said with a finality that left no room for argument.
That was how Sirius found himself in front of Grimmauld Place two days later with him boyfriend by his side.
Being back here made his skin itch. After all these years, he though he had finally gotten away from his past, but now he was starting to think there was no future where he would fully be able to leave it behind.
“Are you ready?” Remus asked softly.
“No,” Sirius muttered. The past two days had been a whirlwind of emotions and near hysteria. Regulus’ letter had been torn to shreds and repaired several times, and now it was lying in a pile of ashes in their fireplace.
“You don’t have to do this,” Remus assured. “Say the word, and we’ll go back home right now.”
Sirius looked out to the building in front of him . “My brother could be on the other side of that door.”
He felt Remus place a kiss against his shoulder. “I’m right behind you, sweetheart.”
Sirius took a second to steel his nerves and started walking forward. He felt the moment he passed through the wards and shivered.
The door swung open just as Sirius raised his arm to knock on it. Behind it was-
“Crouch?” Remus asked incredulously.
Sure enough, the man that had been proclaimed dead over three years ago was standing right in front of them with a sharp grin that made Sirius’ skin crawl.
“You’re supposed to be…”
“Dead?” Crouch asked with a raised eyebrow. “Don’t believe everything you read in the papers.”
“How are you alive?” Sirius asked. “How is he alive? What’s going on?”
Crouch stared at him for a moment, expression flickering. “Best you come in and let Regulus explain everything himself.”
He turned and disappeared further into the house, leaving the door open for the two to walk in.
“Sirius,” Remus called softly, taking his hand.
“ So it’s true,” Sirius muttered numbly. “He’s really in there.”
Sirius too a moment to steel his nerves before walking into his childhood house with Remus at his side.
The inside was eerily similar to how he remembered it. The dark corridors, old portraits, and gloomy atmosphere made Sirius feel as though he was sixteen again . Sirius squeezed Remus’ hand, taking comfort in his warm presence.
“I told you to come alone,” a familiar voice said the minute he stepped into the sitting room.
Sirius felt as though the ground had been pulled out from under him. Regulus was right there , less than ten feet in front of him, face adorned with a small frown as he looked at Remus. There was an odd battle within him between the urge to leave and never look back and to wrap his little brother in his arms again.
Sirius scoffed. “ You reveal yourself to be alive after four years and this is the first thing you say to me?”
This was easier. The anger was more familiar to him than the tangled swirl of emotions he couldn’t even begin to unravel at the moment .
Regulus shifted uncomfortably. “This was meant to be a private conversation.”
“And yet you still have us outnumbered,” Remus noted.
It was only then that Sirius noted another presence in the room. Standing next to Crouch against the far wall was Evan Rosier, who was watching Sirius closely with a guarded expression.
“We were just leaving,” Crouch said. “Why don’t you come with us, Lupin? I’ll give you a tour of the house.”
Sirius didn’t trust the smirk Crouch leveled at Remus. “No.”
“Relax, we’ll take care of him,” Evan finally said.
“Like hell you will,” Sirius growled.
“Sirius, I really need to talk to you,” Regulus said. His voice came out stilted, awkward, and his eyes were turned toward his feet.
“I’ll be okay,” Remus whispered. “But are you sure about this?”
“I- “ Sirius wasn’t sure at all. He felt as though his sanity was hanging on by a thread and having his boyfriend next to him was the only thing keeping him going. But what choice did he have? He needed answers. “Don’t go far,”
Remus nodded and placed a soft kiss on his cheek before Sirius felt the loss of his presence like a piece of himself was missing. He gritted his teeth and Crouch threw an arm around Remus’ shoulder and led him out toward the stairwell.
When the two were left alone, words failed Sirius. All he could do was stare at the other man, drinking in his presence with an urgency he hadn’t expected.
Sirius, I know- “
“When was the last time we spoke to each other?” Sirius asked abruptly.
Regulus hesitated. “1789. In the middle of a battle. I- I got hurt and you healed me, right before calling me an arse and hitting we with a stinging hex.”
Sirius let out a choked sob . He hadn’t told anyone of this encounter, not even Remus . “It really is you.”
“I know- “
“What the fuck, Reggie?” Sirius cried out. And there was the anger again. “Where were you all these years! I thought you were dead!”
“Everyone had to believe we were dead for what we needed to do,” Regulus said carefully, like he was talking to a child.
“What are you talking about?” Sirius asked. “What was so important that you had to disappear off the face of the earth and- “
“I killed Voldemort,” Regulus said. The name rung out in the silence that followed.
“Dumbledore killed Voldemort.”
Regulus shook his head. “We decided it would be best if he took credit for it. The last thing I need right now is for everyone to be paying attention to me.”
“You rise from the fucking dead and expect not to attract any attention?”
“I was never dead,” Regulus said. “I mean, I nearly died once or twice- “
“What?!”
“-but the four of us hid for ours and each others’ safety.”
Wait. “Who else?”
“What?”
“You said four,” Sirius said. “You, Crouch, Rosier, and who else?”
Regulus’ expression clouded over. “It doesn’t matter.”
“ Yes it fucking does. Is- “
“They’re going through their own shit right now, and that’s not what I called you here for anyway,” Regulus said firmly. “Are you ready to listen?”
Sirius hesitated before saying, “Fine.”
Regulus took a seat and beckoned for Sirius to do the same. After a second, he followed suit.
“How much do you know about Horcruxes?”
“ Wow. You really- fuck.” Sirius dragged a hand over his face and let out an incredulous laugh. “You’ve really been though it, haven’t you?”
“I did what I had to do,” Regulus said stiffly .
“Fuck,” Sirius said again. “I can’t believe you did all that.”
“I had help.”
“Still … fuck. I never would have thought you would sacrifice so much to save the world.”
“I didn’t do it to save the world,” Regulus said, expression unreadable.
Sirius nearly laughed. “Then why did you?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“You really need to sort out your priorities of what matters .” What Sirius wouldn’t give to be able to know what was going on in his brother’s mind right now.
At that moment, Remus was led back in with Crouch and Rosier, cutting off anything Regulus may have said.
“You should go. I’m sure you need time to adjust to all this information.” Remus stood up and exchanged a look with his friends.
“Wait- “
“And don’t tell anyone any of what I’ve just told you. We aren’t ready to go back into the public eye yet.”
“But Regulus- “
“I had Barty open the floo for you. I’m sure you remember your way out.”
“Reg, stop.” Sirius grabbed Regulus’ wrist. He tensed up, falling silent, and Sirius abruptly let go. “Sorry just- why? You’ve been in hiding all these years , even when the war’s been over for months, and you just now decided to tell me you’re alive? I always thought you hated my guts.”
“You’re my brother ,” Regulus said quietly.
Sirius stared at him, trying to meet his eyes, but Regulus refused to turn to him.
“Come to my place for dinner,” Sirius offered. “You can even bring Crouch and Rosier.”
Regulus’ head snapped up, wide-eyed.
“I’ll owl you,” Sirius said before Regulus could refuse. He turned to walk away, and suddenly, Remus was by his side again. Regulus let them leave without saying anything.
“ Are you okay ?” Remus asked once they were out of earshot.
“ I don’t know. Maybe. You really gave Barty Crouch access to our floo ?” Sirius muttered.
Remus shrugged. “I figured you would want access to your brother. I would have warded them out if today had gone wrong.”
Sirius grabbed a handful of floo powder from the mantel above the fireplace and gestured for Remus to do the same. The two stepped into the flames together.
Sirius was not okay. There was flour all over his face and hands, a daunting pile of dishes nearly toppling in the sink, and the air smelled like the brownies he had left in the oven was burning.
“Are you sure you don’t want any help?” Remus asked from the dining table with an odd mix of amusement and concern.
It had been a week since Sirius met Regulus. He’d owled him the day after he got back, but though the extra time would allow him to adjust to the idea of seeing his brother again. In hindsight it had only given him time to dwell on everything that could go wrong the next time they met.
“This has to be perfect,” Sirius said. “ Regulus is going to be here in a n hour. Shit, I think the brownies are burning. ”
Remus stood up and opened the oven. A cloud of smoke billowed out, making him lean back and scrunch up his nose. He grabbed a mitten and pulled the tray out. “They’re fine. A little crispy, but edible nonetheless.”
“Thank you,” Sirius said, turning back to his task of chopping up the lettuce.
Remus pulled off the mitten and pulled Sirius away from the kitchen counter. He gently took the knife away from Sirius and put it back down. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’ waist and pulled him close so their bodies were flush together.
“Breathe, Pads,” Remus said.
Sirius wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders and broke out a small smile. He exhaled slowly, losing himself in the dark brown of the other man’s eyes. “ It’s just- This is the first meal Regulus and I are going to have together since the night I ran away . ”
“Regulus isn’t here for the meal, he’s here for you. You’re allowed to accept a little help.”
Sirius sighed. “ Thanks, Moony. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Remus ’ eyes flicked up, and he smirked. “ Y ou have lettuce in you hair. And I think your stew’s burning.”
“Fuck!” Sirius pulled away, but not before placing a short kiss on Remus’ lips. “Moony, can you toss the salad?”
“Of course, sweetheart.”
Sirius grinned, turning to lower the heat on the stew. He heard the front door open and tensed for a second before realizing it was just James coming home. (not that Regulus would have come in through the front door, anyway)
“Honey, I’m home!” James called from the front hall.
“In the kitchen!” Sirius called back.
“How’s Marlene?” Remus asked when James appeared in the kitchen.
“She’s…” James trailed off as he noted the chaos in the kitchen. “Better. What’s all this?”
Sirius turned slowly and Remus’s hands froze and he looked up from the bowl he was mixing.
“You didn’t tell him?” Remus asked.
“Slipped my mind,” Sirius sighed. He turned the stove off and covered the stew- it was as good at it was going to get- before walking over to James.
“Tell me what?” James asked with a nervous smile.
“Well- er- “ Sirius turned to Remus, who nodded encouragingly. It was adorable but unhelpful. “A little over a week ago, Regulus reached out to me.”
“What.” There was no infliction in James’ voice, no indication on his face that he had heard him. The word came out quiet.
“He’s not dead. It’s a long story, and I’ll fill you in later, but him, Crouch and Rosier faked their deaths to fight against Voldemort. He called me to visit him, explained everything, and now he’s coming for dinner in about an hour.” Sirius said the last part quickly, anxiety starting to creep in again as he glanced at the muggle clock mounted on the wall.
James merely stared at him for another moment. A torrent of emotions passed over his face, too fast for Sirius to discern any of them.
“I need to - ” James turned and ran further into the house, presumably to his own room.
Sirius frowned. “That was odd.”
“Yeah,” Remus agreed, brow furrowed. “Maybe he needs time to adjust.”
Sirius hummed in agreement and began to walk back to the kitchen before Remus stopped him.
“I’ll finish up here. Go take a shower, you look like a mess.”
Sirius smiled and kissed Remus again before following his instructions.
Sirius jolted up to his feet when he heard the telltale sign of the fireplace flaring. Remus stood up with him and placed a hand against his arm, squeezing gently.
James rose slower. He’d only just come out from his room after spending the better part of the past hour doing Merlin knows what on his own. Sirius could tell he was anxious too by the way he couldn’t seem to hold still, feet tapping and hands constantly moving in that jittery manner of his. He supposed it wasn’t fair to spring this on James the way he did, especially since he was asking him to accept Regulus with little explanation.
The first person to step into their living room was Crouch. He offered a nod to Sirius and a much friendlier one to Remus- honestly, what had happened during the short time Sirius had been talking to Regulus- before his eyes traveled around the room. He finally noticed James, who was standing off to the side awkwardly, and his expression settled into a shit-eating grin.
“Hello, Potter. Been a while, hasn’t it?”
“Crouch.” Was all James said in greeting. Sirius frowned when he noticed how tense his best friend was.
The fireplace flared again, and Rosier stepped out and fell into place by Crouch’s side. He greeted both Sirius and Remus similar to Crouch, but when he saw James, his eyes widened subtly.
“I wasn’t aware we were going to have… other company.”
Sirius frowned. “Yeah, well- “
The fireplace flare again, and Regulus stepped out this time. Sirius inhaled sharply as his eyes settled on his brother again. He hadn’t realized it until that moment, but a part of him hadn’t been able to let go of the feeling that Regulus was gone, at least until he was able to see him in person again.
Sirius stepped forward. “Regulus.”
Regulus tilted his head forward. “Sirius.”
It was stilted and oddly formal, but it was the best Sirius could manage at the moment .
“Follow me, I have dinner set up,” Sirius said, beckoning toward the kitchen.
Regulus nodded, then he froze, face going pale. Sirius followed his gaze and realized he had spotted James, who was staring back, equally pale. He frowned again. Why was James being there bothering them so much?
Regulus whipped his head around and began walking in the direction Sirius had pointed to. Sirius followed after exchanging a weary glance with Remus.
“You didn’t tell me he would be here,” Regulus hissed in Sirius’ ear.
“It’s just James. He’s my best friend,” Sirius whispered back defensively.
“I told you not to tell anyone about us.”
“Well, he lives here. I wouldn’t have been able to keep it from him anyway.”
Regulus sighed and pinched his nose.
The others followed a moment later. Barty’s hand was tossed carelessly over Evan’s shoulder as the two walked in together. Remus came in behind them, and James trailed in last, leaving a noticeable distance between himself and everyone else.
Sirius clasped his hands together and tried to ignore the tension in the air. “Let’s eat, shall we?”
Dinner was terrible.
Not the food itself- Sirius had cooked a fantastic meal, if he did say so himself. But there was hardly any conversation, and the few words they did exchange were stiff and forced. The silence hung in the air, broken by the sounds of chewing that felt far too loud to Sirius’ ear. He spent the entire time staring at Regulus, whose eyes were fixed on his own plate.
His brother was here. Here. Alive and safe and within arm’s reach.
Remus’ hand found his under the table and Sirius couldn’t help but smile. Despite everything, the most important people in his life were at this table, and that was worth all the tension and off-putting silences.
“I should go,” Regulus said when Sirius began clearing the plates.
“Not yet,” Sirius said, alarmed. They never got to talk, and the thought of seeing him leave again felt unbearable.
“Why don’t the two of you go out back?” Remus suggested.
Sirius nodded and led the way, ignoring the look Regulus shot at Crouch and Rosier.
“Do you smoke?” Regulus asked, pointedly eyeing the pack Sirius had left out on the patio earlier.
“Sometimes.” Sirius grabbed the pack and offered one to Regulus before taking one for himself. He snapped his fingers, using wandless magic to light his own, and raised an eyebrow at Regulus.
“Show off,” Regulus grumbled, but let Sirius do the same to his.
“I don’t know what to say to you anymore,” Sirius admitted after several moments of silence.
Regulus’ eyes tightened in pain. “This is hopeless, isn’t it? Maybe I shouldn’t have - ”
“No,” Sirius said quickly. “All I want is to know you’re alive. Fuck, you’re alive.” He let out a sharp laugh.
“You really missed me?”
“Of course I did,” Sirius said incredulously. “Reggie, I grieved you. You’re my brother.”
“Well, it’s not like you acted like it when I was alive,” Regulus said sharply.
“Wha- you didn’t exactly make it easy for me!” Sirius cried out. “I mean, you became a death eater .”
“I had to after you left!” Regulus shut his eyes and took a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter. It’s all over now.”
“No, it does matter,” Sirius argued. “I love you and I never want you to leave me again, but I’m still really fucking angry at you.”
Regulus didn’t say anything for a minute. Then, “I love you, too.”
Sirius couldn’t help it then. He tossed his arms around Regulus, careful to hold his cigarette away from them, and pulled him into a tight hug. Regulus tensed, standing rigid, but Sirius didn’t let go. As the seconds went by, he began to relax. Eventually, he brought his hands up around Sirius.
“I don’t think I can forgive you for leaving,” Regulus said, voice muffled against Sirius’ shoulder.
“I don’t think I can forgive you for staying. For choosing them,” Sirius parroted back softly. The not yet hung in the air between them, unspoken but hear loud enough. A glimpse of hope for their future.
Regulus was the first to pull away. He sniffled and rubbed at his eyes. Sirius laughed, ignoring the tears that were on his own cheek. “Did I make you cry, Reggie?”
Regulus glared at him. “You’re an ugly crier.”
Sirius gasped indignantly. “I am not! Moony thinks I’m beautiful.”
Regulus rolled his eyes, muttering something to himself that Sirius could not make out.
The two stood there for a little longer in companionable silence. Sirius still didn’t know what to say to him, and there was still some tension in the air, but he was now determined to make things work between them.