Chapter Text
Crusch: [Please say that to… me as well…]
Subaru: [――――]
Crusch: [“All that’s left, to leave it all to me.”]
A pained smile, fragile yet trusting, awaited Subaru’s words. It was a smile directed solely at him, born from a heart that, lacking its past, had found a new anchor in the boy before her. It struck Subaru with the force of a physical blow, far sharper than the phantom agony still echoing in his arm.
Swallowing the dryness in his throat, the taste of ash and regret coating his tongue, Subaru quietly closed his eyes. He was forcing her, wasn't he? Making her cling to words, making her rely on a promise from someone as breakable, as fundamentally useless as Natsuki Subaru. He was letting her suffer because logic, because strategy dictated it. Because he wasn't strong enough to just fix it.
Just like with her.
“Rem…”
The name was a ghost on his lips, a phantom weight on his soul. The girl who had given everything, the girl he had failed, the girl sleeping in a silence he couldn’t break. He had vowed, hadn't he? Vowed on her unmoving form, vowed in the face of impossible odds, that he wouldn't let anyone else slip through his fingers.
Was he doing it again? Standing by, offering empty words while someone precious suffered? Letting logic, letting fear—fear of pain, fear of failure, fear of the cost—dictate his actions?
No.
A fire, ugly and desperate, kindled in his gut. It wasn’t noble. It wasn't heroic. It was selfish. It was the desperate scrabbling of a soul terrified of repeating its greatest failure. It was the disgusting pride of a boy who refused to accept his powerlessness, even when faced with it head-on. He wouldn’t lose anyone else. Not Crusch. Not again. Not while he could still feel, still bleed, still act.
He opened his eyes, the haunted look replaced by a chilling, almost manic resolve. The words Crusch wanted died on his tongue, replaced by something else entirely.
Subaru: [Ferris.]
His voice was unnaturally calm, cutting through the tense air of the room.
Ferris: [Su-Subaru-kyun…?]
Ferris looked up, startled by the sudden shift in Subaru’s demeanor. The despair clinging to him lessened slightly, replaced by confusion.
Subaru: [Leave us.]
Ferris: [Eh?]
Subaru: [Get out of the room. Now. And close the door behind you.] He turned, his gaze locking onto Ferris’s wide, yellow eyes. There was no room for argument in his tone. [Whatever you hear, whatever happens, don't come in. Don't let anyone come in. Understand?]
Ferris: [Wh-what are you… Crusch-sama said…]
Subaru: [I know what she said.] He took a step back towards the bed, towards Crusch, whose single visible eye widened slightly, sensing the change. Her hand, the one unmarred by the black veins, twitched as if wanting to reach for him. [But it doesn't matter. What matters is stopping this. Right now.]
His gaze flickered to Crusch, softening fractionally, though the underlying intensity remained. This wasn't about being her ideal knight. This wasn't about fulfilling a role. This was about refusing to fail.
Subaru: [You heard me, Ferris. Go. Lock it from the outside if you have to. Just make sure we are not disturbed.]
He looked back at the healer, the plea gone, replaced by an unbreakable command born not of authority, but of sheer, desperate will.
Subaru: [I’ll take care of everything.]
The words were a distorted echo of the promise Crusch had sought, twisted by his own selfish, burning need to not lose again. He wouldn't offer comfort. He would offer a solution, no matter the personal cost. He owed Rem that much. He owed himself that much. And perhaps, in some broken way, he owed Crusch, the woman who looked at him with misplaced trust in her eyes, this agonizing salvation.
Subaru’s gaze softened, though the manic fire still burned beneath the surface. He leaned closer, his breath warm against her skin, ignoring the frantic, helpless glances Ferris shot towards them before finally, agonizingly, obeying and retreating from the room, the click of the closing door echoing like a final judgment.
Subaru: [Crusch-san… I'm sorry. But I can't… I just can't leave you like this.]
Crusch: [But, you… Natsuki-sama, your well-being…] Her voice was faint, laced with the persistent thrum of pain, yet her concern was, impossibly, still for him. That selflessness, that gentle strength even now, it twisted the knife of guilt already buried deep in his gut.
He cut her off, the words tumbling out in a rush, fueled by desperation and a self-aware shame.
Subaru: [Maybe I'm being bold. Maybe I'm abusing the trust you've placed in me, a trust I haven't earned.] His hand, trembling slightly—whether from the residual agony of the curse transfer or the weight of his decision, he couldn't tell—rose towards her face. [With this… I'm asking you… please don't hate me for what I'm about to do. Before I go face… whatever is out there… I have to do this. For you. For… me.]
Her visible eye widened, a flicker of fear mixing with confusion. She likely wanted to protest, to shrink away from the contact, embarrassed by the ruin the curse had made of her features, the stark, cruel contrast between the afflicted and untouched halves of her face.
Crusch: [Natsuki-sama, my appearance… please, don't…]
But Subaru didn't stop. His fingers, rough and calloused, gently brushed against the unmarred skin of her right cheek, then, steeling himself, traced the edge of the disfigurement on her left.
Subaru: [Close your eyes.] His voice was a low command, yet strangely gentle. [Please. Just close your eyes and… don't resist. Don't worry about me.] Another wave of searing agony shot up his arm as the curse leeched from her skin into his fingertips, a vile, invasive heat that threatened to buckle his knees. He gritted his teeth, forcing the words out through the pain. [I'll… take care of everything… ghhk!]
He choked back a groan, forcing a semblance of calm onto his face even as the black veins on his own hand pulsed, darkening, thickening. Crusch hesitated, her breath catching, her single eye searching his face, seeking reassurance in the depths of his pained resolve. Finally, unsurely, her eyelid fluttered shut.
In that moment of fragile surrender, Subaru leaned down. Unexpectedly, impulsively, driven by a storm of conflicting emotions—guilt, desperation, a twisted sense of duty, and the ghost of another girl’s sacrifice—he pressed his lips against hers.
It wasn't gentle. It was clumsy, desperate, tasting of pain and shared suffering. Crusch stiffened, a sharp intake of breath muffled against his mouth. Even with her eyes closed, the shock radiated from her. The lingering throb of the curse on her own face was momentarily overshadowed by this new, bewildering sensation.
Subaru pulled back just enough to whisper against her ear, his voice raspy, laden with the agony coursing through him and the heavier burden of his confession.
Subaru: [Please… don't hate me. I… I know you don't love me. You probably can't, not really.] He swallowed, the admission bitter. [And… even though I appreciate you, so much… there are… others. Two others I love.] Emilia’s silver hair, Rem’s blue determination – their faces flashed behind his eyes. [But this… this is something I have to do. Let me fix this. Please… let me take care of everything.]
Before she could process, before she could react, he leaned in again, capturing her lips once more. This time, the kiss was deeper, fueled by a grim determination. Simultaneously, the transfer of the curse seemed to accelerate, a torrent of vile power flooding into him. The pain spiked, blindingly intense, radiating from his arm through his entire body, feeling as if magma was replacing his blood. Blackness crept further up his limb, the skin darkening, feeling alien and corrupted.
But then, something shifted. Crusch, who had been passive, trembling beneath him, suddenly responded. As the suffocating weight of the curse visibly lessened on her face, as strength – real, tangible strength – began to return to her limbs, a different kind of warmth bloomed within her. The feelings she hadn't understood, the connection she felt to this reckless, pained boy who had shown her kindness in her fractured reality, surged forward. Her lips, regaining their color, softened and then moved against his. Actively. Willingly.
Her hand, previously limp, rose, hesitantly touching his cheek. She opened her mouth slightly, not just receiving but joining the kiss, a soft, broken sound escaping her throat before forming into words whispered against his lips, imbued with newfound strength and raw, unexpected emotion.
Crusch: [Subaru… I… love you…]
The words struck Subaru with the force of a physical blow, more shocking than the curse’s agony. He froze mid-kiss, eyes snapping open behind clenched lids. Love? He had braced himself for rejection, for confusion, maybe even anger or fear. He had prepared for her hatred as he forced this agonizing salvation upon her. Not… this. Not a confession mirroring the words he longed to hear from others, spoken now by the woman he was inadvertently hurting even as he saved her.
For a heartbeat, the world tilted. But only for a heartbeat. The searing pain lancing through his arm, the sight of the black veins now snaking past his elbow, the grotesque disfigurement claiming his body instead of hers – it snapped him back. Her feelings, her unexpected words, they were… a complication. A painful, heart-wrenching complication, but not a deterrent.
His purpose remained unchanged. Save her. Take the pain. Refuse to fail. He tightened his embrace almost imperceptibly, deepening the kiss not out of reciprocated romance, but as a conduit, pulling the last vestiges of the suffocating darkness from her, drawing it into himself, accepting the cost. He wouldn't let the curse consume Crusch Karsten. Not while he still drew breath.
Subaru, his gaze still locked on Crusch, a newfound uncertainty flickering within his resolute eyes, asked, his voice softer now, “Crusch, would you allow me?”
Understanding the clear insinuation in his question, a faint blush touched Crusch’s unblemished cheek. She nodded, her single visible eye conveying a timid yet trusting agreement.
Subaru then reached out, his hand trembling slightly, and slowly pulled back the sheet that covered Crusch’s frail form. A wave of heat washed over Crusch, embarrassment flooding her senses. It wasn't the thought of Subaru seeing her naked that caused her distress, but the stark, horrifying reality of the curse that had ravaged half her body.
With painstaking gentleness, Subaru began to undress her. Each brush of his fingers against her skin, even the untouched parts, seemed to elicit a sharp intake of breath from him, a silent testament to the agony of the curse now actively flowing into him. He gritted his teeth, focusing on maintaining a semblance of composure, his gaze fixed on her.
As Subaru continued, a subtle change began to occur in Crusch. The black veins marring her skin seemed to recede ever so slightly with each of his touches. Strength, faint but noticeable, returned to her limbs. Eventually, she found the strength to finish undressing herself, her movements still weak but determined. In turn, noticing Subaru’s increasing pallor and the deepening darkness of the veins on his own arm, she reached out, her hand now steady, and gently helped him with his own clothing.
“Thank you,” she whispered, the word carrying a weight of gratitude that transcended the moment. It wasn’t the passionate declaration she might have envisioned in a different life, but it was heartfelt and genuine.
Subaru, now visibly weakened, his body trembling, attempted to climb onto the bed. His limbs felt heavy, unresponsive. Seeing his struggle, Crusch, with surprising strength, assisted him, guiding him to lie down beside her. Then, with a nervous yet undeniably excited flutter in her chest, she thanked him again, her voice barely a whisper, before carefully climbing on top of him, her own nakedness now pressed against his. With a final, gentle movement, she finished undressing him completely.
Their eyes met, a silent understanding passing between them before they leaned in, their lips meeting in another kiss. This time, there was no barrier, their naked bodies now intimately pressed against each other. Crusch could feel the cold, creeping touch of the curse on Subaru’s skin, while her own gradually felt warmer, the afflicted side slowly regaining its smooth, healthy texture.
Subaru let out a soft moan, a sound that was a painful mix of the curse’s relentless assault and a burgeoning, unexpected pleasure. Crusch, feeling the sudden hardness of his erection beneath her, made a decision. In that moment, giving him her virginity felt like the most profound expression of her gratitude, a selfish desire intertwined with a deep sense of obligation to the man who was sacrificing himself for her.
And so, while both gave themselves to the unexpected intimacy, a mutual pleasure began to build. As Crusch moved against him, feeling him penetrate her, a wave of guilt washed over her. Was she taking advantage of his weakened state, abusing the trust he had placed in her? The thought was fleeting, quickly overshadowed by the overwhelming sense of gratitude and the undeniable pleasure that coursed through her. She wouldn’t squander his sacrifice; she wouldn’t be ungrateful.
With each back-and-forth movement, her body began to tremble, the sensations intensifying until she was consumed by a powerful climax. In that same moment, she felt the unmistakable surge of Subaru’s release within her. They collapsed against each other, their bodies slick with sweat and the lingering energy of the curse.
Leaning down, her breath warm against his ear, Crusch whispered, her voice filled with a newfound emotion, “Subaru… I… love you.”