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He watched, as his arrow impaled Karna’s neck, as blood dyed his white hair into crimson.
The last battle in the Holy Grail War, the last servants. He did it, fair and equal. Nothing was distracting them, nothing can. They fought as if they were the last two living things on this plain ground of ashes. And suddenly came the end.
He did it, again. Victory was beyond all doubt, as Karna’s body shatters into small pieces of golden grain.
So this is it, Arjuna thought to himself, his wish for thousands and thousands of days, now completed with his own hands. He didn’t know Karna’s feeling when his neck was pierced again by the same archer. Was he sad, angry, frustrated, or was he like Arjuna, feeling fulfilled, and perhaps something more...
Surely Arjuna is fulfilled, why wouldn’t he, after doing the right thing to the right person, at a right time and a right place. He was just a bit irritated, because all happened a bit too soon.
Karna didn’t even have any last words. Not even a sigh or moan of pain.
Now the Holy Grail is within reach. Dark liquid was flooding from the empty black hole above, revolting, but familiar.
His master was standing next to him as the dark liquid slowly soaked the ground. Make a wish, said his master, my wish is completed, so I don’t need the Grail any more.
So is mine. Arjuna replied with a hoarse voice.
Well that would be a pity. Shrugged his master.
You can make whatever wish you want, even eternal life is possible. I know your body is frail. Arjuna turned to his master, but she replied with a pale smile.
What’s the point of that, she said, I don’t have anyone waiting for me at home anyway. My only wish is to win this war and prove myself.
She turned to Arjuna. So, you don’t have anything else that you want?
Arjuna looks down at his feet, as the black liquid slowly ate away his white shoes.
I just destroyed the only thing I want. He thought to himself, as darkness slowly dragged him down.
He was woken by the warm touch of sunlight. A robin was singing outside the window, as he slowly rose, it flapped its wings and flew away.
He slipped into his white shirt and knocked on the door next to his bedroom. He entered without hearing a reply.
His brother rose earlier than him, as always. Now his bluish green eyes rose from a book and gazed upon his visitor.
There was a brief silence, and his visitor started his greetings first.
Good morning, Karna.
Karna put down the book, stood up and greeted him with palms together.
Have you changed your…? He pointed at Karna’s neck, which was wrapped by a thin layer of bandage.
Karna nodded. Good. He said. Prepare yourself and we’ll leave in ten minutes.
When they were in the restaurant, Arjuna glanced at the vivid street view outside and thought what he was doing. From the corner of his eyes he saw Karna reading the menu carefully in silence. His brother was also getting used to the ordinary daily life in a modern city.
Everything was a joke, Arjuna thought to himself. They had always been warriors and soldiers, they did not know the meaning of “normal” life. He was thinking how he came up with such a foolish, selfish wish.
I’ve done killing Karna. I’ve won. I will not seek to kill him again.
So why do you still have this wish? Asked the grail lady with silky white hair. Are you still empty?
No. He replied without a doubt. My wish has come true. I’m just…
Lost again? She smiled. That’s perhaps why the Grailed answered your call. “It” is still strong in you.
Shut up. He cuts her words coldly. Realize it now.
Very well then. She nodded. You will be able to talk to him again.
But Karna would never talk back to him.
The Grail brought Karna to him again, and now they both had physical bodies to sustain them in the modern world. But when he saw the brutal scar on Karna’s neck, he felt he’s been cheated.
When you hurt someone, the scar never goes away. His master whispered with a slight grief.
To do what? Remind me of my sins? He can feel the anger in his own voice.
No. She shook her head. To remind you of your shared memories, nothing else.
His deadly arrow has permanently destroyed Karna’s vocal cord, even the Grail’s miracle cannot solve this. Or perhaps, the Grail just enjoyed teasing him.
Yet he still believed he did nothing wrong to Karna. His only fault was he trusted the Grail too easily.
And now the miracle has become a revenge.
You want this?
Karna pointed to the menu and nodded.
Fine, two bajra vada and two Chai please. He said to the waiter.
He was a bit surprised that Karna liked bajra vada, so he asked him.
Karna made some gestures with his hands. Mother used to make if for me, he thought that was what Karna meant.
What a coincidence. He replied. Mother used to make me that as well.
A gentle smile bloomed on Karna’s face. What is he smiling at, Arjuna thought. He realized again how little he knew about Karna.
Yes he knew Karna’s every battle skill, every possible move, he knew his personality and weakness.
But he never really knew “him”, he realized, nor did he ever really understood “him”. Before he never wanted to, later he never got the chance.
He didn’t even listen to what he wanted to say. Shut up. He repeatedly rejected him. Shut up.
Perhaps he just hated the power in Karna’s words, he must kill these possibilities before they happen.
So he did it again, in this Holy Grail War.
I didn’t even allow him to have last words. He thought. Now he could never hear him speak again.
I……I’m glad you like bajra vada too. He tried to weave his words.
Karna’s looked back at him, sunshine glittering in his eyes. He said something, silently.
Arjuna missed those words, he was still new to lip reading.
So Karna grabbed his hand and wrote in his palm.
You’ve changed, Arjuna.
Arjuna was about to say something when the waiter brought their bajra vada. Both of them was instantly carried away by the smell of food, and Arjuna lost his trace of thought.
“It”came once more, “it” never goes.
He had that dream again, that dream that haunted him so many times.
He was not smiling, he was laughing, he grabbed his rival’s pale head in his grip. Blood was everywhere, his white shirt was like a palette.
He was laughing so hard that tears was running down his face. Look at me, Karna, he roared in delight. Look at me, I won, I won…
For all his life he had been trying to prevent all those possibilities, now those future would never happen. He wouldn’t allow them.
A future in which Karna and him both exist. That must not come true.
The sun was going down, painted with blood, was it weeping too?
There he stood and laughed and cried, crushing Karna’s head with his bare hands.
That was the moment when he started missing Karna. That was the moment he realized he was only running away from himself.
Disgusted by his eager but also encouraged by it, he drifted in and out of this dream again and again, every time he woke up he missed Karna even more.
Now he woke again, shaking and burying his face in his hands.
He felt a warm hand on his shoulder, he shrugged it off by instinct.
I heard your moan from my room. Are you ok?
A face he was too familiar with. Karna was whispering with his lips.
He was about to say “leave me alone”, but he swallowed those words.
Breathing hard, hands sweating, he reached out those shaky hands and stopped before touching Karna’s neck.
……It hurts?
Karna shook his head. Not any more.
He looked at Karna, who was like a phantom in the pale moonlight. A phantom that never goes away, and never touchable.
He reached out, untied the bandages around Karna’s neck. Under the moonlight he could see those scars, ugly and twisted. That was the reminder of their shared memories, he recalled master’s words.
Karna…I tried to fight “it”, but I couldn...
Karna placed his finger on Arjuna’s lips. Then he took Arjuna’s hands, gently placing them around his neck. Arjuna’s tanned fingers on his crumpled skin.
He could feel Karna’s veins, carrying his steady heartbeat to him. The warmth of his skin seemed to be shouting “I am alive”.
He saw utter peace in Karna’s eyes. Calmly, those lips moved again.
Don’t be afraid. Don’t feel sorry.
The night was collapsing around Arjuna.
But I did this. I did everything. I killed you, twice. He murmured. I thought I could start again, but I couldn’t…”It” is still there...
Yes, you killed me twice. So you need to strive twice harder to stay with me. And fight “it”.
He stared at Karna in surprise.
Better make better use of this new life, wasn’t that our mother’s wish as well?
He continued.
And you’ve already made a good start.
They were both silent for a while, and Arjuna finally broke the moment with a rare sigh.
Well, despite all these, I still hate the feeling that I’m being changed by you...again…
You changed yourself. I am just a witness. Whispered Karna.
He put his own hands in Arjuna’s palm and started writing with his fingers.
They sat on the lawn near the river. Karna was singing, Arjuna could read it from the movements of his lips now. He studied hard, tried talking to him every day, as if he was trying to make up for all those lost years, and those thousands and thousands days of silence.
Karna would grab Arjuna’s hands and put them on his lips to allow him feel his movements. He refused coldly in the beginning.
Don’t do such things. It feels like…
He didn’t say it out. Karna blinked.
This helps you learn. He whispered. Isn’t this what you wish for, to hear me talk to you.
You are not that kind of person...don’t try to be gentle to me. I don’t get you back to enjoy warm cozy family life…
As words spilled out, he was regretting at the same time. How do you know he’s not that kind, you don’t know him at all.
You want to know more of him, that’s why you made that stupid wish. Now you are destroying it again. You destroy it every time.
He scratched his hair, annoyed.
Ok, teach me as you will.
Now he was watching Karna singing. It was such a strange feeling, that he only got to sit down and listen after Karna lost his voice.
Why didn’t you ever ask. He interrupted the song. You never asked why I make that wish to make you come back.
Karna looked back at him.
I am just waiting for you to tell me yourself.
What if I never do? You’ll just chain yourself here to someone who hates you?
Now Karna was smiling.
No one can chain me, just like no one can force the sun to stop its hustle. And also, you are not the only one who had wishes.
Right. Arjuna thought. He’s human too, why can’t he have human emotions.
Oh if that’s so, I will find it out myself. Arjuna gazed at Karna, deep into his eyes. The he suddenly grabbed Karna’s arm, making him lie down by his side.
And someday, when I’m tired of this “family game”, I will combat you once more.
Karna’s face lit up and glowed.
I will be looking forward to it. He smiled again.
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He made a wish that day.
Arjuna’s arrow went directly through his neck. Blue flames burning, just like before.
He already lost the war when his master was killed. His heart entangled in sorrow. He should have stayed and protected his master, if his rival was not Arjuna the archer.
One second of hesitation, that was all Arjuna needed.
As his body slowly vanished, he realized how much more he would want to tell Arjuna.
But without a word he drowned into the darkness inside the Grail. He sank and sank, till he was totally into the void.
Here again, he thought. Somehow he could always see a small figure of Arjuna, seemingly not far away, but cannot be reached as if there was a glass wall between them.
That was a smaller version of Arjuna, always curling up and showing his back at him. In the years he was not summoned, this small piece of Arjuna was always there with him.
Never moved, never talked, never showing his face to anyone.
Hey Arjuna. He would always greet him. As always he did not reply.
Sitting down, he heard voices from above.
I’m just…
Lost again?
The grail lady, and the winner Arjuna. So strange Karna could still hear them.
No, it all became clear to me now. What I really wanted to kill was the possibilities of the future, a future where we both exist.
But now, I feel it is unfair to kill the future without even knowing what it is. I was too hasty to end it, because I was afraid I might lose myself to fear.
Fear of both his existence and his absence?
……That’s why I must face it and combat.
With him or without him, this future will be bitter. Is this your wish?
Shut up. Realize it now.
He felt a strange power entering his body, and he was slowly lifted to the surface. The small Arjuna became a little while dot down below. He bade him farewell.
She was looking at him with joy.
Any wish you have for this second, or shall I say, third life? Does the generous hero of Mahabharata want anything for himself?
He thought for a moment in silence, and then he whispered.
********************************************************************************************************
The sunset of Fuyuki was beautiful, rosy clouds accompanied the bright sun’s last journey, before the cold moon took over the sky.
Karna was alone by the riverside, saluting the magnificent scenery, when his hand was taken by his little brother.
Sun and moon, they never exist together. Day and night always go in cycles, don’t they.
Not always.
Arjuna watched as Karna’s lips moved.
Sometimes they can exist together, right now is that moment.
Arjuna’s fingers crossed with Karna’s.
Well then, we’ll watch this together.
So they stood in silence, till stars decorated the velvet sky.
I am here.
Karna wrote with his fingers.
Arjuna felt his brother’s warmth conveying through his touch, he gradually soaked in this precious tenderness. Finally he was listening and he was talking.
I know. He smiled.
I am here too.
With you.
End