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It was an open secret in the family. His grandfather’s preference, that is. Hard to hide it when he was always being photographed with glamorous men on his arm, usually twenty-somethings and always covered head to toe in designer goods. When they’d collected enough of them, they’d move on, but sometimes they stuck around just long enough for Jay to meet them during his grandfather’s annual visits to Seattle.
But they were just as temporary to him as he was to them, which made it an equal enough exchange. No one was a bachelor in their fifties with that net worth unless they wanted to be, after all, and Sunoo certainly was a man that knew exactly what he wanted. It was the same quality that had kept them on the Forbes Global 2000 for so long. Anyone who’d insist on him settling down at this point would have to be blind to not see that the family was getting along just fine, with Jay’s father having taken over as CEO and Sunoo content with sticking his nose into things from a distance. Such was the fate of a businessman to never truly put down his work.
Which was why he’d insisted on personally teaching Jay the ways of the trade.
He was twenty-one now, he’d said, and it was about time he started getting more involved. Planning was the key to success, of course, and that's why their family always got a head start on things—marriages, investing, and drafting up trust funds to dangle over Jay’s head...
So he had packed up as much of his life into a suitcase as he could manage and had flown to Seoul to stay with Sunoo for the summer. With the few times he’d seen his grandfather throughout his life, they felt closer to strangers than family, though luckily the house was big enough that they didn’t cross paths much unless they intended to.
Just do as he says and not as he does, Jongseong, his father had told him. There’s a lot to learn from him, trust me, I had to go through it too. And besides, it’s a great opportunity for you two to get closer. I know he’s lonely in that place all by himself. Even if he won’t admit it.
Jay didn’t think Sunoo was very lonely.
Not a single day passed where he was lonely.
But as long as he stayed away from where he could hear it, he got used to the disheveled guy covered in hickies—Jake, Sunoo’s latest fling—in the kitchen when he was having his breakfast. Had had very good conversations with him, in fact, about mundane things like the latest TV shows he didn’t have time to watch, instead of some bullshit like crypto. It was nice to hang out with someone his age when he was around stuffy old men in suits all day.
Except for the inescapable fact that Jake was his age.
It didn’t matter how short of a peck on the lips it was, his grandfather slipping an arm around Jake's waist was the last thing he wanted to see over his morning bowl of quinoa, but he sipped his coffee and tried to avert his gaze as he always did. What he wanted to see even less was Sunoo giving a pat to Jake’s ass in parting, which left him choking violently on his sip while the man moved on to prepare his smoothie, the two of them left alone.
“Make sure to eat a lot, Jongseong-ah. It’s very important for our agenda for today.”
“Are we doing something besides our meeting with–”
He was cut off by the sound of the blender grinding Sunoo’s ingredients into one minty green mush. Breakfast was the only meal where either of them spent any time in the kitchen, even when Jay insisted on showing off some of his favorite recipes. No point in bothering when they could pay someone to do that, Sunoo told him. These were just the basic things he needed to learn. Sunoo finished dumping it in a glass before facing him, arms crossed as he leaned back on the counter and sipped it thoughtfully.
“I know you’ve just started drinking, so your tolerance is going to be lower. Our best bet is to keep you eating; you absolutely don’t want to make a fool of yourself in front of our investors, but you can’t just stop either. That would be rude.”
“You’re thinking about drinking at nine in the morning?”
“You have to be intentional from the moment you wake up. Oh, and drink a lot of water, too—More than usual. But I’m just saying this in general.”
“I know, I know…I finished putting together that schedule last night like you asked me to, but I don’t really like doing it this way. With all the times and stuff. If I miss one thing, it all gets thrown off…”
“Well, you can’t miss things. That’s the point,” Sunoo sighed, finishing off his smoothie in one last go and slamming the glass down like he’d just taken a shot. “But let me take a look and I’ll show you where to move things around if we need to.”
“Hold on a sec, I’ll have to go get my laptop,” he replied. He finished his last couple bites and got up to leave, but just before he’d made it to the door, he was stopped in his tracks.
“Jongseong?” He hummed in acknowledgement. “Please put on a shirt while you’re up there, too.”
“Oh, yeah, sorry. I got too used to walking around like this at home.”
“No, I do want you to feel at home here, of course. It’s just…distracting.”
He barely caught the last word as he was walking out, and it took him the entire walk back to his room to process it. When he did, he stood at his door with a blank expression, feeling like he’d just crossed a point from which things would never be the same. Like his entire reality had just been tilted on its axis. Maybe that’s why he was stumbling on his way through the bathroom: it was because everything was sideways.
Distracting?
There weren’t really many interpretations for a word like distracting .
If it had been, say, inappropriate or even uncomfortable, then maybe that seed never would’ve been planted in his mind. He could’ve written it off as Sunoo wanting him to look more put together even while he was at home. He certainly would’ve found it uncomfortable if the man were walking around half-clothed. But distracting …that implied liking what he saw.
He was hit by a wave of nausea as he replayed moments where Sunoo’s eyes had lingered on him a bit too appreciatively as he was fitted for clothes, or how he boasted to everyone they met about how handsome he had grown up to be. Once he began seeing things in a new light, even if he didn’t know for sure, it was impossible to stop, everything crashing onto him all at once.
What kind of thoughts his own grandfather might be having about him when he looked at him like that…
He felt sick.
He held his alcohol about as well as expected that night, especially with him drinking quicker every time he so much as made eye contact with Sunoo across the table. They kept pouring him shots anyway since he was the youngest, and he just kept downing them, preferring the fact that he wouldn’t remember most of the awkward meeting.
He wasn’t expecting to be confronted as soon as he woke up, Sunoo pushing a glass of water into his hands from his seat next to the bed.
“I’m glad to see you’ve sobered up. You slept half the day away, you know.”
“Did I?” He glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was indeed afternoon already, and his headache was telling him he should lay down even longer. “Sorry, I was supposed to not be making a fool of myself. Was it bad?”
“It wasn’t that bad. Not in front of the investors, at least. You didn’t start getting really sick until we got you home, which is why I had someone sit here with you. Thought I’d keep Chabeol Chokes in His Sleep out of the headlines this morning.”
“So it was bad…”
“It’s over and done with. I’m just glad no one else saw you in the car.”
“Why? What’d I do?”
He sat up quickly. Too quickly. His head panged, his throat burned, and he felt like he was going to throw up again. He’d done that too many times yesterday, and that’s just the times he could remember.
“I just want you to know you can talk to me about anything, Jongseong, and I mean anything, especially if it’s something you feel like you can’t talk to anyone else about.”
“Why’re you saying that all of a sudden?” He heard his voice raising in panic. “Just what the hell did I do? Was it embarrassing?”
“You…” Sunoo wrinkled his nose, sighed, and stood from his chair. “I don’t want to have this conversation while you’re a mess. Clean yourself up first and come downstairs. I’ll have someone get your sheets.”
What a cliffhanger.
He took the time to compose himself in the shower, letting the hot water scald his skin as he tried to recall anything from the night before, but it was all coming up murky. Hard to tell was real and what wasn’t from the scattered fragments that he had.
This couldn’t happen again.
His options now were to pull himself together, which wasn’t likely with his skin crawling every time Sunoo looked at him. Or to get the hell out of there—book a flight back to Seattle, maybe use his fiancée as an excuse. Would it really even be an excuse when Hana was calling him everyday missing him? But that would only get him so far until the questions came in and he was pressured to come back, and it’s not like telling the truth was an option.
So he finished up, and made sure he was wearing the baggiest clothes he had when he made his way downstairs. Sunoo was waiting for him at the table with a cup of coffee and a bottle of painkillers. A solution to one of his problems, at least.
He took his seat, not sure what awaited him, and began with a, “So…”
“Do you know how I knew I liked men?”
Oh my God.
“Um…you liked one, I guess?”
“He was my best friend in middle school,” Sunoo nodded. “I never acted on it, but, well, that isn’t the point. I knew it for that long…but not everyone does. That’s okay. Sometimes it takes a while before you can admit it yourself, and the little things won’t click until later.”
“That’s, uh…a nice story.”
“Is it Jake? You two seem to be getting closer lately. And he’s cute, of course, I won’t be jealous if you think so.”
“Huh? What about Jake?” It took him a few too many seconds under Sunoo’s critical eye to put the pieces together. His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he did. “Wait, you think I have a thing for Jake?!”
“Is it someone else then?”
“What the hell are you talking about?!”
“Last night you kept flinching away from me shouting, ‘Don’t touch me! I’m not gay!’ and on and on like that. Sounded like you were trying to convince yourself…It was rather difficult to watch.”
“I did that?” He felt all the color drain from his face. How could he ever hope to think of a way to explain himself? Either he was homophobic, or he had to tell his grandfather he thought he was a pervert. This was going to be a disaster no matter how you looked at it.
“Has this been bothering you for a while?”
“Can we not talk about this right now? I don’t think I’m, like, ready. I need some more time.”
Damn, that was good. Put the ball in Sunoo’s court, so now he'd look like the asshole if he pried anymore. He seemed like he wanted to, narrowing his eyes at him like he knew he was hiding something, but he simply nodded his head and took another sip of his coffee. Jay had managed another clean escape, courtesy of years of helicopter parenting.
“Just don’t feel like you have to figure everything out before you can talk about it, Jongseong.”
“Yeah, I got it. Thanks!”
The only thing he’d needed to figure out was when his flight would be departing.
He exited in a hurry, his slippers padding down the halls on the way to his room. His headache that had slightly eased up was threatening to make a return with the harsh sunlight streaming through the floor-length windows. Of course, when he glanced outside he caught sight of Jake lounging by the pool. Of course he did. Jake really had it best out of them, he thought. Just laying there and raking in other people’s cash without a care in the world. Sure, Jay had a trust fund, but he had to work for that. Just look at him!
He didn’t really know what he was hoping to gain from the conversation when he walked out to the pool, but it just felt like the thing to do. Someone else to talk to and maybe help him work through the mess in his head. He looked half asleep, sprawled out with his abs baking in the sun, and wouldn’t any gay guy be into that? It didn’t make Jay feel much of anything except maybe envy, and he almost had to laugh at the fact Sunoo would even come to that conclusion. Not that Jake wasn’t nice, but…come on.
“Jay!” Jake smiled big when he saw him, waving him over excitedly. He took a seat on the chair next to him, and watched Jake gesture to his leisurewear. “What brings you here? I’m guessing not swimming.”
“Ah, I guess not. I just wanted to get some air and saw you out here.”
“I did hear you had a rough night,” he laughed, pushing his wet bangs back as he sat up. He smelled like coconut sunscreen, like he should be on the beach somewhere instead of the concrete slab of Sunoo’s house.
“I guess everyone heard, huh? Yeah, I don’t drink much.”
“No kidding. Guess that’s what you get for being an American. But between you and me, I just drank before I was legal even though I only had to wait till eighteen, so you’re better than me.”
“Is that how it is in Australia?” Jake nodded. “Well, at least I don’t say naur kidding.”
“Hey! People say my accent is super sexy!”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah, Sunoo likes when I—oh sorry, that’s weird. I always forget he’s your…you don’t want to hear about that stuff.”
It’s already in my head anyways.
To be fair, Jake looked awkward after saying it, massaging the back of his neck and shifting his eyes around the carefully trimmed lawn. And usually Jay wouldn’t want to hear it, he still didn’t, but in some way he felt that he had to. Like he could somehow figure out his grandfather’s thought process by prying into his personal life. He likes when you speak English? Like me? Well, now he was really overthinking everything to a ridiculous degree.
“No, it’s okay, you can talk about it. Not in detail, but…I guess I’m kinda curious, about some things. Is that weird?”
“A little, yeah. But I talk about crazy shit with my friends all the time, so I guess it’s not that weird to me. I’m not exaggerating when I say I know more about their sex lives than the guys they’re actually dating. So, what do you want to know?”
I want to know how it feels.
“Why did you decide to get with him in the first place? Doesn’t it feel, like, gross?”
“For money, mostly. But that’s the boring answer,” he snorted. “Nah, I don’t feel gross since I pretty much only date older guys. I’m trying to figure out how to say it in a way that doesn’t sound bad, but it feels…I guess I like the attention. I dunno. I have some issues, I can’t lie.”
“Surely you can get attention from people your age, though.”
“It’s not the same. It’s better when it’s someone who knows they shouldn’t want you like that but they can’t resist you. Plus, there’s just something sexier about a guy with experience, you’d know if you—well, I guess you won’t know. Sorry. I’m not used to talking to straight people, help me out here…So you know how there’s MILFs?”
In his mind, Sunoo was gentle but firm. He whispered words of praise as he got him ready, telling him not to be scared in that same stern voice he used for his lessons.
The thoughts were only growing as the weeks continued to pass, what began as an intrusive thought making its way into a depraved obsession. Maybe it was because it was such a shameful thought, an act so forbidden he couldn’t even walk around anymore without feeling like people could sense that there was something fundamentally wrong with him, and that’s why it did it for him like nothing else. He had even tried putting a finger in there for the first time and it had hurt like hell—he really needed to buy some lube—but it had still gotten him off like nothing had before.
He tried to watch porn or think about literally anything else when his hand was between his legs. Think about Hana, that would be fucking normal. But maybe not, because then he felt so guilty he couldn’t even get hard anymore, remembering how she was waiting back at home for him while he was…
Somehow his view of Sunoo had even shifted, and he could notice things about him that he hadn’t paid attention to before: his confident stride and broad shoulders, his handsome and somehow still soft features, the attractive streaks of silver in his dark hair...and the shape in the front of his pants he shouldn't have been looking at. The collarbones that flashed from between a slightly unbuttoned shirt. The musk of cologne that clung to that shirt as Jay held it to his face, his thighs clenching with disgrace. He was pretty for a man, Jay reasoned, and that must've been why.
He no longer averted his eyes when he watched Sunoo with Jake. Now he wished that it was him. He liked to listen to the sounds coming from their door and imagine that he was on the other side of it. He thought about what Jake told him, about liking the attention, and he thought he understood now. The idea of being some alluring object of desire was an essential part of the fixation and he was growing more and more frustrated that there hadn’t been any other signs Sunoo saw him that way.
He should’ve been relieved about it, but instead he felt even worse. Was it really just him that was rotten all along? He couldn’t be the only one to accept the blame for this.
He needed to be more distracting.
So he went shirtless again, and when that didn't work he went around his boxers, and when that didn't work he made sure to be poolside in the tightest briefs, and when that didn't work he walked past him in nothing but a towel even though his shower was upstairs next to his room. It was like a humiliation ritual that never ended.
It’s not that he wanted to actually seduce him, it would’ve been wrong in so many ways, for God’s sake, of course he wouldn't do that. Never. It was just a fantasy, that was all. But was he not fuckable? What did Jake have that he didn’t? He just wanted to know if he could.
He had one weapon left: The Talk.
He hit Sunoo with that late at night while he was reading in his room, one of the nights that Jake was out doing who knows what. He’d be more likely to have his guard down if he was tired, Jay figured. He made sure to wear a shirt that plunged low on his chest, though he stopped to look at himself in the mirror after putting it on, wondering just what had become of him. Park Jongseong, dressing up to entice his grandfather.
“Come in,” Sunoo said softly. He looked damn good, reclining in bed—his first time seeing that bed but certainly not his first time hearing it—with his sleeves rolled up and glasses set low on the bridge of his nose. But then again, when did he not look good? “Ah, it’s you. Need something?”
Depends. Are you going to give it to me?
“Remember when you said that I could talk to you? I think I’m finally ready for all of that.”
“Oh,” Sunoo’s eyebrow quirked in surprise, and he sat up, stretching his arms behind his head in a way that raised the hem of his shirt and made Jay swallow hard. He tucked his bookmark between the pages before setting it on the nightstand. “Well, it's a bit awkward to talk here. Join me outside?”
The smart thing would’ve been to turn around before he did something stupid.
Jay followed him out to the balcony.
It was a warm night, the summer breeze carrying the sweet scent of the garden as it flipped through his hair. Down the hill sat the skyline of Seoul, bustling with energy even at this time, but they were just far enough away from it for it to seem like it didn’t concern them. People down there had normal problems like studying for tomorrow’s tests and making their own dinners, while up here they needed only to worry about distancing themselves from it all as much as possible. Jay had everything those people could ever dream of and more. And he wanted to risk it all, for what exactly? A moment’s gratification?
“How do I stop thinking about it?”
Sunoo laughed, a full, genuine laugh into the palm of his hand that had his cheeks rounding out, but it was such a pleasant sound Jay couldn't find it in himself to be offended.
“I didn’t mean to laugh, you just remind me a lot of myself back when I was young. When you know but you’re afraid of what it’s going to mean, so you try to push it down. You can do that, sure, but it’s not going to go anywhere.”
“I get that, but if there’s absolutely no way I can act on it?”
“Why can’t you?”
“You know why. There’s Hana, and dad—”
“So, why can’t you? You’re still young, Jongseong. You’re not married yet. You haven’t stepped into the business yet.” Sunoo leaned across the table to take his hand, and his gaze was intense as he continued, “You have plenty of time to figure out your own path but if you wait, if you start living a lie, it will only get so much harder.”
“I could lose everything,” he whispered, not anticipating the quiver in his voice.
“Well, I won’t be cutting you off, I can tell you that much.”
He hadn’t expected to get so affected by this conversation at all, but now that he’d started, it was hitting a bit too close for comfort. He wasn't even interested in any other guys, he didn’t think, so did he really need to be worrying about all this? Sunoo’s charm had a way of disarming him, and he needed to get things back on track.
“Would I be your favorite, then?”
“Hm?” It was Sunoo’s turn to be caught off guard, pulling away from him and taking a moment to formulate a response, during which Jay could almost see the wheels turning in his mind. “Favorite is certainly an interesting way of putting it. But I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, financially speaking, at least.”
“You’d take care of me. Like Jake.”
“That’s…a little different.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
Fuck.
Fuck.
He couldn’t believe he’d said that, and Sunoo couldn’t seem to believe it either. He’d been careless, too swept up in the determination to win. There was nothing but the sounds of car horns in the distance as they gaped at each other, Jay’s face burning with shame and Sunoo’s slack with shock. Neither of them dared to even breathe for a moment, the silence balanced precariously between them like a glass on the edge of the table.
And then it shattered.
“Jongseong…”
“I really didn’t mean it like that–”
“So that’s what you’ve been up to recently.”
Sunoo erupted into a fit of giggles again, much longer than the first, one that shook his whole body until he was too out of breath to continue anymore. Jay felt like a pit had opened in his stomach, ready to swallow him up, and now he had a laugh track to follow him down.
“Forget it, I’m just gonna go.”
“Wait.” There was something in his tone that made Jay stop just a step from his chair, locking eyes with the man and seeing a hint of something darker in there. Something he had never seen there before, and it unsettled him. “Was it really me this whole time that you were thinking about?”
“I thought…you didn’t think about me at all? All of this started because of what you said to me, that—I swear I’m not fucking crazy. I’m not. I saw how you looked at me.”
“I mean, it was a little hard to ignore when you started putting on a strip show around my house, but I just assumed it was for Jake.”
“Fuck, I told you it’s not about Jake! I wish it was! At least then it’d be easier to explain!”
Maybe being on the balcony wasn’t such a good idea. He was beginning to get some interesting ideas about how to remove himself from this conversation. He clutched the railing like it was a lifeline, honest-to-god tears starting to prick at his eyes. He felt like the world’s biggest fucking idiot, and Sunoo’s laughter only further drove the point home. His most shameful secret was on hideous display, and there was no taking it back now.
Sunoo surprised him then by walking over to him. So composed in comparison, his movements slow and relaxed. He placed his hands on Jay’s shoulders and he squirmed under the man’s gaze, neither of them saying anything for some time.
“I think I understand what’s going on here,” Sunoo finally said. “You went and made yourself a little too curious, and you want to make it out to be my fault. What an active imagination you have.”
“Fuck off. Seriously. I said I was going to go so, what, you just want to keep rubbing it in some more? You can laugh at me all you want, but you can’t tell anyone about this,” he huffed, swatting Sunoo’s hands away. He was way too close.
“Did you touch yourself to the thought of me?”
“What the hell?! Don’t ask me that!”
“Oh, my. You did. You’ve really wanted this.” One of Sunoo’s hands returned, this time gripping his chin tightly, forcing him to tilt his head up and face him. “You should’ve told me sooner.”
“...What?”
“I thought I taught you that having an aggressive strategy was key, Jongseong. Of course you won’t get what you want if you don’t have any confidence.”
Sure, they’d talked about it in terms of buying out competitors and marketing campaigns, but it was a familiar enough concept, if slightly out of place in this context. Most importantly, it felt like an invitation. A challenge even.
“So you’re saying I should’ve asked you to–”
“Don’t ask. Tell me what you want.”
He wet his lip nervously, trying to find the words when he’d never even planned on getting this far. But deep down, he knew that he had hoped for it all along.
“I just want to know what it feels like. If you’d be…how you’d be with me. I know I shouldn’t, but that’s what I keep thinking about.”
“But there’s still no confidence in your words.”
How could there be when Sunoo wouldn’t even give him the slightest hint of what he was thinking? But there was simply no going back at this point. He’d either crash or he wouldn’t.
“I want you to fuck me so fucking bad,” he whispered.
“That's my boy.”
That’s all it took before he was falling—falling into bed with his grandfather, falling from the graces of any divine being that would have the misfortune of judging his decisions in life.
He was done for the moment his back hit the sheets, intoxicated by a cocktail of emotions—relief from finally giving in, followed by the shame, disgust. Sunoo’s hands sent a vicious heat through him, sliding under his shirt as he mouthed at his neck, making him squirm like nothing else had before. No one ever touched him like this, with teasing caresses and almost reverent attention to every facet of his body.
Usually, he was the one to guide, but now he felt helpless under Sunoo’s appraising touch, smoothing up the planes of his stomach and squeezing at the soft muscle of his arms, tongue flicking torturously over his sensitive nipples. He was in no rush at all it seemed, and Jay had to wonder if he always took this much time with it. He was straining against his pants, desperate and leaking, before they had even done a single thing yet.
He wasn’t going to survive this.
It was Sunoo slipping between his legs that really had his breath picking up, his head reeling as his pants were slid over his hips. He was kissing him, fucking kissing him through his briefs like it was something to be indulged in, tracing the throbbing outline with the the tip of his finger. His tongue was hot as he leaned down, licking the bulge from base to tip, his sharp eyes meeting Jay’s as he did so, and he let out a sound he’d never made before.
Jay whimpered.
It was a pathetic noise, one that made Sunoo grin wickedly. He fortunately said nothing, only pausing to slide his briefs off and let them join the pile at the foot of the bed. Jay’s cock slapped onto his stomach the moment it was freed, flushed and jumping at even the slightest brush against his thighs. It was almost frightening how composed Sunoo was, still fully clothed while he had Jay falling apart beneath him, a slight flush in his cheeks being the only indication of his own arousal.
“Please do something already,” he whispered.
“Sir,” Sunoo corrected. “At least be polite if you’re going to start begging me for things.”
“Please, sir. Please do something.” There wasn’t even a moment’s hesitation in his response, no will to challenge when he was this needy.
“I am doing something. Don’t tell me you’re one of those men that doesn’t bother with foreplay before you just stick it in. There isn’t even any fun in that.”
“I can’t take it right now. Been waiting too long. I don’t know…what to do, how it’s going to work, but I need something. Sir,” he added hastily.
“Hm,” Sunoo pushed his thighs apart then, and Jay blushed when he realized where he was looking. There was something too vulnerable about showing that part of himself, where he himself had only recently become acquainted with. He wondered if Sunoo even found him attractive like this, and suddenly he was too aware of his inexperience. He knew his way around a woman, understood well enough what got them going, but what could he even hope to offer to a man when he didn’t have a clue what he was doing? “Well, how far have you gotten?”
“J-just a finger…but, it hurt, so I stopped there…”
“Then let’s try something else tonight. Plenty of other ways to get off, don’t worry, I’ll show you something you’ve never even thought of.”
“No,” he whined. It would’ve been the sensible thing to do, but he was so far past sense at this point he couldn’t bear the thought. In the morning, he might regret all of this, and so there was no guarantee of a second chance. “We at least have to try.”
“There’s no rush, Jongseong.”
Rather than a reply, he wrapped his arms around Sunoo’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss, trying to prove his eagerness through his actions. Don’t ask. Tell me what you want.
“Just give it to me, sir. Force it in if you have to. I only want that.” One hand moved down, his turn to cup Sunoo through his pants and he squeezed. It was a foreign weight in his hand, another man’s cock, and yet there was an ache inside him that was calling for it. The groan he stole from Sunoo’s lips sent a thrill of satisfaction through him. “I can take it.”
“Who knew I was raising such a little cockslut,” Sunoo laughed. “I was trying to ease you into all of this, but if that’s how you want to act, you’ll just have to learn the hard way.”
Jay couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed anymore, and even that word that should’ve made him hang his head only sent a fresh pang of arousal through him. He was prepared to start begging even more when Sunoo pulled away, until he realized he was only fetching lube from the nightstand. He tried not to think about how empty the bottle was as Sunoo coated his fingers with it. Right now he was the one that had his attention.
His legs were already spread when Sunoo returned, which seemed to amuse the man as he settled between them. His lips wrapped around Jay’s cock as he worked the first finger inside, swallowing his length easily, and so he hardly even minded the stretch happening below as he lost himself in the feeling.
There was no denying that Sunoo knew how to treat a man right.
It didn’t seem like a struggle to him, like the other blowjobs Jay had received that had made him feel bad even asking for it in the first place. He rather felt like he was being devoured, Sunoo’s tongue moving in ways that had stars dancing behind his eyes, one hand wrapped around the base and pumping in time with his head while the other slipped another finger into his hole.
That discomfort was the only thing keeping him from cumming on the spot now, and that required all his concentration, so much so that he hadn’t the slightest idea how long had actually passed before Sunoo said he was ready. He felt like a blushing virgin awaiting deflowering as he watched the man undress.
“Well, don’t look so terrified. The only one insisting on this is you,” said Sunoo, his teeth ripping through the pack of a condom.
Jay hadn’t taken a good look at it yet, had felt afraid that he wouldn’t like what he saw now that it was in front of him. But he followed Sunoo’s hand down as he rolled the condom over the length, finding that the only thought in his mind was how it was ever going to fit inside him.
He was going to tear, he was sure of it, as he felt it prodding at his entrance. Still he let it happen, and fuck, it looked good, Sunoo breathing heavy as he held his legs apart, clearly trying to ease his way in slowly. It fucking hurt, and his fingers twisted into the sheets as he clenched around the intrusion, reminding himself over and over that the feeling would pass. It would feel good. It had to. Right?
Sunoo was distracting him again, circling his thumb around the head of his softening cock to coax it back to life as he panted away the pain.
“There's no way people–shit, shit! Can't you be more gentle? There's no way!”
“Grit your teeth and bear it, now, I’m only giving you what you asked for.” With that, he forced the rest of his length inside, causing Jay to cry out. He could hear the sheet slip off the mattress from how hard he was gripping it. “ You’re doing well for your first time, though. I was already tearing up by this point.”
Was he? He didn’t think he was doing much of anything, but he still felt pride bloom in his chest at the words. Enough to push him through it.
“You, fuck, you’re into this?”
“You’d be hard-pressed to find something I haven't tried,” Sunoo smirked. “Just be glad it's given me self control. A lot of men would go crazy, seeing you like this…”
“You think so?”
“I figured you’d have a praise kink.” With a fond smile on his face, Sunoo began to move, thrusting back in slowly and letting Jay feel himself stretch around every inch. “Yeah, just look at you taking my cock. Gorgeous. I think you’ve found your calling, dear.”
He pulled Sunoo close again to hide how the compliment made him flush, wrapping his legs around his waist. The action only drove him deeper, however, and when the cock brushed against him in just the right way, Jay gasped.
“Oh. Fuck.”
“There we go,” Sunoo hummed.
It was a sensation like he’d nothing he’d ever felt, a pressure just out of reach that had him bucking his hips for more. An odd feeling, not entirely pleasurable at first and yet each time Sunoo’s cock passed over it, he felt himself craving it more. He didn’t even realize his cock was drooling everywhere until Sunoo took him in hand again, the slickness aiding the glide of his palm. It was quite literally being milked out of him.
He didn’t seem to be in control of himself at all anymore, clenching around the length inside himself and releasing a string of sounds that sounded fake to his own ears but they weren’t, they were real and he couldn’t stop them if he tried.
“You’ve got it now. Just try to relax. Even if it feels like you're going to wet yourself, you probably won't.”
“Probably won't?!”
He wasn't kidding, though. Sunoo didn’t seem to miss that spot a single time, hiking his leg up and driving hard enough to rock him with the force. The relentless assault had his orgasm approaching before he even registered that that’s what it was. But when it hit, it hit hard, a shock to his entire body that had him clawing at the man’s back, a breathless stream of swears spewing out of his mouth. God, he didn’t think it was going to end, even as the last streaks of cum painted his stomach he swore he could feel his body tingling like static, longer than any orgasm he’d ever had the normal way.
“What the fuck,” he hissed. “What the fuck.”
His entire life, his body had been capable of some supernatural phenomenon, and he’d never even known. How was he supposed to go back to normal after that?
“Well, that was lovely to watch. Just know you'll be sore in the morning.”
Sunoo moved as if to pull out, but the pleasure was still coursing through him and he needed more of it. Maybe a few times if it was going to be like that. He wrapped his legs around the man again, trapping him inside while he huffed in surprise.
“Can we…do that again?” A pause, and then for good measure, “Sir?”
“So are you coming back to the States or not? You made it sound like it was some emergency,” his father sighed, a voice even more grating when it came through the phone speaker.
“I had a fight. With Su—with halabeoji, I mean. It was…a bad one.”
“Christ, Jay. You’re going to make a terrible businessman if you can’t resolve a little conflict. I send you there to learn responsibility and the first thing you do is try to run from it. Look, I know he can be stubborn, but he’s harmless. The trick is to just give him a little space. Once he cools down, he always apologizes first—”
“I know, I know! We worked it out which is why I cancelled the flight! Can you at least let me finish before you start nagging at me?
Sunoo couldn’t hold back his huff of laughter at that, though luckily his head was turned away from the phone when he did, or it would’ve been a whole other kind of explanation to get into. Jay’s thighs were going numb in this position on his lap and he wanted to move already, but his father was never capable of having a conversation without holding him hostage for at least thirty minutes.
“Good. That’s good. You two just need some time to bond, that’s all. You ought to go on a trip with him soon. He’d really like that, I think.”
“Yeah, I’ll do that,” he replied. What the hell else was he supposed to say? We’ve actually gotten very close lately so don’t worry. Did you know your dad has a really fat cock?
So yeah, he kept his mouth shut as his father droned on and on, until Sunoo grew impatient and snatched the phone out of his hands, doing what he couldn’t do for himself.
“I need Jongseong’s help for a minute. He’ll call you back later.”
“Dad? Is that you?”
But Sunoo had already hung up and tossed the phone somewhere into the couch cushions, and grabbed his hips so he could get back to grinding into him. He’d gotten used to it so the stretch was nothing anymore, felt natural to him even. And Sunoo knew his body well now, knew just how to play him and what to say to get him all riled up when he had no business knowing those things at all.
It was filthy.
It was wrong.
But it felt so right.
And Sunoo said he had way too much energy, and that he was going to be the death of him if he kept asking for it every chance he got. (To which he’d replied, I’ll just do it myself then so you don’t break a hip or something and promptly gotten bent over the kitchen counter.) In fact, there wasn’t really a place around the house left where they hadn’t done it. He was addicted. Badly. Maybe more than he was when he’d discovered jerking off for the first time, which was really saying something.
The latest thing he’d been taught was how to work his hips, and though he much preferred to let Sunoo do all the work it made him feel good to watch the man’s blissful expressions, his eyes blown out with desire, as he bounced in his lap. His hands gripped Jay’s ass—the best part of him, he said—as the sound of their skin slapping together filled the living room. He’d needed it as soon as they got home, not caring what their driver had seen or overhead since enough money would shut him up anyway.
Sunoo’s fingers closed around his throat and he could tell the man was getting close, could feel him start to take control of the pace and fuck up into him. The fingers squeezed tighter, and his face turned red, a rush of adrenaline that had him begging with the last of his breath, “Inside. Please, sir.”
“Well, obviously. There’s where it belongs.”
There was nothing more satisfying than being pumped full of cum, a discovery he’d made very shortly after their first time. He had a way of making condoms disappear even if Sunoo intended to keep things neat, like to watch it drip down his thighs or let it fill him behind a plug while he walked around the office. It was like a trophy, a sign that he’d won his grandfather’s attention—from Jake and everyone else.
It was a hard thing to keep, he knew, but he had two months left of this summer before he had to go back to his own life, and he was planning to make the most of it. He didn’t want to think about what was going to happen after that, about what figuring out his own path was really going to mean or the fact that at some point he’d taken his engagement ring off and hadn’t bothered to put it back on.
Logically, he knew this…whatever it was with Sunoo was a terrible investment long-term, but he didn’t want to think about that for now. For once in his life, he wanted to be able to do something without thinking about the consequences, and he’d worry about the rest later.
He didn’t have a plan. Not in the slightest. And it didn’t fucking matter.
Jay really could've passed as one of Sunoo’s regular sugar babies, and maybe they would’ve had a more peaceful trip where he wasn't looking constantly over his shoulder if everyone thought so. They still wouldn’t have been able to act freely, of course—there was always the risk of someone spotting them—but it would’ve been easier. The problem lied in the fact that Sunoo seemed insistent on correcting people and acting a bit too loose with him. They couldn’t have both.
“It’s such an honor to see you again, Mr. Kim. And this must be one—must be your boyfriend. A pleasure to meet you,” the waitress greeted. Not even her plastic customer service smile could hide her obvious discomfort as she glanced between them.
“This is my grandson, Jay. He’s visiting from America,” Sunoo replied, smirking at the way her expression turned to one of alarm. It was like he got a rush out of it every time.
“Oh my. I’m so sorry, sir, please forgive me for assuming! He’s—he’s very handsome! You must be so proud!” she finished with a nervous laugh.
“Of course he is. He’s got my genes, after all. And, if he keeps it up, he’ll be your boss one day. Well, in a way. Not on such a small scale, of course.”
She’d likely already resigned herself to a complaint, but she noted their order diligently, speeding off afterwards like she couldn’t wait to get away. Jay felt for her, wondering just how many guys Sunoo had brought to this resort for everyone to be familiar enough with his ways. With a quick glance they probably saw him as some gold digger, due to be replaced in a few weeks time. What they didn’t understand was that Sunoo couldn’t get rid of him even if he wanted to.
They’d taken his father’s advice after all, booking a trip to Bali for the week just for a change of pace. It was one of the hotels that the family owned, which meant that Sunoo had no patience for anything less than perfect. He’d complained about the shape the towels in the bathroom were folded in, and the lack of channels on the TV. It was an unpleasant side of the man that reminded Jay of his age. Would it kill him to be a little nicer to the staff? He could practically hear them swear every time they entered a room.
And anyway, free hotel rooms and dinners and massages weren’t really a neat trick to Jay, like it probably was to everyone else he’d brought here. He’d grown up with this treatment, though the act of Sunoo buying him everything else did still make his heart flutter somehow. He fiddled with the necklace that he’d received from him as the drinks were brought out—it was a delicate thing made of pearls that had started as a joke, something like maybe I should give you a real pearl necklace instead of, well…
But he liked it, the subtle mark of ownership that only they could recognize.
“I’ll have your food out shortly. Please let me know if you need anything else at all, Mr. Kim and, ah, Mr. Kim.”
“Mr. Park,” Sunoo corrected with a tsk. The waitress turned even redder, apologizing for another slip-up. This wasn’t the place for a tip, and yet he felt like he needed to slip one to her just as an apology, lest the poor woman have a breakdown when they leave.
“You know, I’ve always wondered something…” he began. Sunoo was busy downing his first glass of wine which meant he’d be in an even chattier mood than usual the rest of the night. Better to get a head start on the subject if he didn’t want to be bored half to death.
“Hm?”
“Why am I a Park when you’re…?”
“Ah. You can thank your grandmother for that. She said it was easier to use her name when she left for the States, but I think that was just an excuse. I think she just didn’t want to be reminded of me. But that’s fine. I said I don’t really care about passing on my name, just the business, and that wasn’t in our contract anyway.”
“You had a contract with her?”
“Of course I did. You’ve got to leave a paper trail for these things if you don’t want to get screwed over.”
“For marriages, yeah, but…I thought you just sent her away because you weren’t ready to have a kid. You were both pretty young, right? That's what dad told me. But he also said it wouldn't have mattered how old you were, because you can't make a commitment to save your life.”
“That sounds like him,” he laughed, “But that was our story, so I can’t blame him for saying that. Shit. I’ll bet that’s why he likes her better than me.”
“I think there’s a few reasons for that,” Jay mumbled.
“Well anyway, it was all very planned. We have a kid together to get my parents off my back—be very glad you never met them —then she takes him to the States for schooling. She can do what she wants with the money I send as long as I get him back when he's old enough. Everybody wins! Are you finishing that?”
He gestured to Jay’s own glass that he hadn’t even touched, and so it seemed this was a subject that called for a sufficient amount of intoxication. He shook his head and slid it over to him, watched him wrap his fingers gracefully around the stem, somehow always looking elegant when his words were anything but. The most upper class contradiction of all, perhaps.
“You don’t think it was hard on her? To go to a new country…take care of him all by herself. You're kinda messed up for that.”
“She was hardly by herself. But we don't get to have normal lives with this kind of money, especially when you're like us. ” He didn’t miss Sunoo’s nod in his direction, the one that said you of all people have no room to judge me, but he chose to ignore it. “And it's not like I didn't visit! But look where he settled down in the end.”
“That really bothers you, huh? She is the one who raised him. But I guess it is weird that I didn’t really hear him talk about you all that much. And every time I asked, he just said I wouldn’t understand until I was older. It used to irritate the hell out of me. Wait,” he paused, suddenly feeling a chill creep up his spine now that he had pieces begging to be put together. “Were you and dad ever…?”
“Ever what?” Confusion turned to bewilderment turned to horror in a matter of seconds as Sunoo faced him. “Oh. Jesus. Jesus Christ, Jongseong, you think I make a habit of this?”
“Hey! It's a real question! I mean, he also came to stay with you when he was my age…”
“Is that really how you think of me?”
“You act so offended like what we’re doing isn't just as bad.”
“It’s just…different. It is. And you make it seem like I had some bad intentions from the start, when I didn’t expect any of this to happen either. My God, you’re practically the one who took advantage of me!”
He was glad they were tucked away in the corner, a cozy table overlooking the coast, complete with a candle flickering away. Not to say that it was private—there was still the hum of the restaurant around them and it was quite full, but they were far enough away that they wouldn’t be overheard.
“That could be fun though. Bringing me here for special training, so you can make me the perfect toy just for you…”
“You’re sick in the head, kid.”
“I learned from the best,” he smiled, extending his fingers to brush them flirtatiously against Sunoo’s. They were slender and manicured, belonging to a hand with just the right amount of veins. He wanted them inside of him and soon, he decided. “What will you teach me next, sir?”
“Seems like the only thing you’ve learned since you’ve been here is how to take cock.” Sunoo murmured, pulling his hand away and slipping it underneath the table onto Jay’s knee instead.
“And what’s wrong with that? I’m good at it, you said so yourself.”
“You should be embarrassed is what. You got a little freedom for once and look at what you turned into. Now you’re going to spend the rest of your life acting like this.”
He should be embarrassed, it was true.
But he wasn’t.
Both of them looked up as the waitress approached, but to his surprise, Sunoo’s hand never moved from its resting place. His eyes widened as the hand slid up his thigh, moving closer to where a heat was igniting in his loins. A prickle of panic, a quick glance at the waitress who seemed to be oblivious to his distress, and the plates were spread across the table.
Sunoo always ordered too many things and took only a few bites from each, insisting on trying as many things as possible. Apparently they’d needed not one but three kinds of seafood, not including the shrimp cocktail (which was an appetizer, mind you), along with a salad and a soup. But Jay wasn’t sure he’d be able to eat any of it at this rate. He tried to push Sunoo’s hand away as the waitress refilled their glasses, more than once, but he just kept sliding it back.
Whose idea was it to sit so close to each other in the first place? (It was his.) They had the whole table to themselves, tucked away in a corner where the window overlooked the coast, and they were right on top of each other.
The wine was a vintage Bordeaux—’86 to be exact—which Sunoo had gotten them to pull from some deep corner of the wine cellar. He’d needed something real special, he’d said, and he seemed all too delighted to be making small talk with the waitress about what a great year that was, ignoring Jay’s struggles. He’d been in college then, long before his grandson had been born.
Jay would never admit how that fact made him throb, that reminder of how wrong this was, but Sunoo probably felt it anyway. Would he have liked him, if they had met under normal circumstances? He’d seen photos of Sunoo back then and he was even more handsome, even more popular than he was now. Maybe in another world they could've had a normal life together.
But maybe he wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
As soon as the waitress left, Sunoo leaned over to whisper in his ear, “Stop squirming so much. If you don’t behave I’ll have to put you over my knee later, and you can ask your father how mean I can be with a belt.”
He was ashamed to admit that the bulge in his pants had grown to a considerable size during his daydreams, and he jumped when Sunoo dipped his fingers under his waistband, bumping his knee against the underside of the table. He looked around frantically to see if he had drawn any attention, but no one seemed to notice his pants being unzipped mere feet away from them.
“T-that’s enough. We’re going to get arrested,” he hissed.
“You started it,” Sunoo purred, his breath on his ear sending tingles down Jay’s spine. “You said you wanted another lesson, so here’s one: how to keep a straight face. It’s very important you don’t let your employees see you wearing your emotions, you know.”
He’d already failed at keeping the blush off his face, and that was before Sunoo pulled his cock all the way out. There was only the tablecloth separating him from everyone now. The hand withdrew, only so Sunoo could spit in it and wrap his hand back around, now slick enough to start pumping him slowly.
“Please, s-someone’s really going to see. We’ll be in the news for…so many reasons, shit…”
“And yet you’re not stopping me. Just relax, I’ve done this plenty of times.”
“Y-you treat all your dates like this?”
“Maybe. At least they were doing it for the money, though. What’s your excuse, sweetheart?”
He had to hide behind his hand to muffle the whimper that followed, fighting to keep his face as neutral as he could manage like he’d been instructed to do. His heart was pounding as Sunoo’s warm grip tightened, the friction so dry it was almost torture.
He whimpered again.
Sunoo speared a piece of salmon.
He gazed out the window at the coast, remarking something about the size of the waves today. Enjoying it like any regular fucking meal while Jay was fighting for his life, his toes curling in his shoes as Sunoo brushed over the head again and again where he was so sensitive it hurt. He wasn’t even sure which of them was more insane anymore, but maybe that was what made them an even match.
He at least picked up his fork, at least tried, but he was falling apart quickly. In just a few more strokes he could feel it, the tension building up, and when Sunoo twisted his hand in just the right way it sent a rush of pleasure through him. His fork was abandoned as he tapped Sunoo’s arm for mercy.
He did stop then, but only to swipe a napkin from the table and drape it over Jay’s lap before resuming his pace even quicker than before. Jay did the only thing he could. His head hit the table, and he hid his face in his arms as it hit him, the second most shameful climax of his life since the first one they spent together.
He panted, tried to compose himself, listening to the sounds of silverware clinking against the dish next to him. He prayed his flushed cheeks wouldn’t give him away when he finally raised his head a few moments later.
“I guess we’re taking the rest of this to go. Well, will you be a dear and clean this up? I’d hate for that poor woman to see what we’ve been up to over here.”
The napkin was thrust to his lips, the white fabric soaked in his own room temperature cum which hadn’t exactly been on his menu for dinner. It was about the most unappetizing thing he could think of, in fact, but Sunoo had a point. Though he knew the man really just delighted in the sight of him licking it up, watching with a satisfied smirk.
“You’re such a fucking…nasty old pervert. I don’t understand how you’re even this horny, like…shouldn’t it be hard for you to get it up or something?”
“I just like to enjoy the little things in life, Jongseong, and it’s really all in the mind, anyways. I have a feeling you’re going to end up just like me.”
“I’m nothing like you!”
“We’ll see about that.”