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So, here I am. Stuck in the locker. My feet stuck in filth—old tampons, trash, and my vomit from the horrible smell. When I was pushed inside, I knocked my head and now everything just feels cold. I probably lost some blood. Frightened, lost, and desperate, I cry out for help, banging on the metal walls to no avail.
My body aches. I don’t know how long it’s been. A few minutes? An hour? Did most of the day go by already? The pain on the back of my head throbs, ending that train of thought. All I have are the immediate thoughts, the here and now. The evidence I would rather not confront, but already had.
It’s the worst feeling—a confirmation of what I already knew; that nobody is going to save me. I’m on my own.
It’s precisely how I knew it would be.
Yeah. I wasn’t fooled by some stupid prank. I went to school today knowing full well what was going to happen. So, I bet you’re wondering how I wound up in this situation. Why the fuck would I let this happen?
It all started a few days ago, after Christmas but before New Year’s. Just after sunset. I was on my own, out and about. Walking the neighborhood and taking in the crappy lights on everyone’s houses before they took them down. It wasn’t too cold, but I bundled up before heading out.
Dad was doing relatively okay, and Christmas had been fine. But most of all, I felt optimistic from how the girls at school had finally started to back off. I could let myself relax and take the break that I really needed. And I really needed it—a major part of me didn’t want it to end, even as I knew I couldn’t just give up like that.
This anxious energy had to escape somehow, though. Hence, the walk.
My feet took me around the block as my eyes wandered. Only about half of the houses had their lights on, and I couldn't see the rest very well with how my glasses were fogging up. The scarf I wore was messing with the airflow.
Rather than fussing with that, given the thick gloves I was wearing, I decided to take a trip downtown. There were some businesses open still, mostly restaurants, but it wasn’t about the destination. I just wanted to get out of the house.
The bus stop was just a few steps away, and the bus itself was already pulling up. Serendipitous? No. Just a coincidence. I wasn’t lucky enough for anything to go my way.
The brakes made their pressurized hiss and the door opened, signaling that I could approach. I climbed in and pulled out some spare change to pay at the kiosk.
Looking around, the bus was mostly empty. In the front were a few older men and women. Probably homeless, or addicts. People I wasn’t comfortable being around. Towards the back, though, was an unfamiliar girl around my age. Our eyes met for a moment as I looked for a seat, and noticed they were a striking green, before I took in the rest of her appearance.
She was blonde, hair covered with a blue wool hat, and equally bundled in thick clothing—including a black winter jacket. Even with all that bulk, she somehow looked better than I did. I was rather unattractive—no matter what I wore—so that wasn’t unusual.
Regardless, I sat down across from her, but kept no eye contact. She kept looking at me, but the window held my attention as the bus got moving again. Lights passed by, the streets blurred.
And then, unsurprisingly, the girl spoke up.
“What a day, huh?” she said, confident that I was paying attention. “I’m surprised to find another teenager out after dark, given what happened earlier.”
I sighed, not wanting to hold conversation with a stranger. I turned my head to face her, resigning myself to this. She was smiling, sharing a small and sure—but not malicious—grin. This was going to be a whole thing.
“That was in Boston, not here, so I’m not worried,” I said, referring to some cape attack that had been repeating on the news all day.
“That much is obvious, sweetie. You’re cool as a cucumber—but you’re still just a kid.” She winked and widened her grin as I held back from saying she was a kid too. “It’s the parents who worry about these things—and that doesn’t apply to me anymore.”
Oh. I wondered for a moment why she was telling me this, before deciding that I didn’t want to know. I’d just tell my side of things until she grew bored.
“My dad knows where I am,” I lied, “and he trusts me not to stay out too late.”
Her smile dimmed. She didn’t believe me, I was sure. But she didn’t call me out on it. Instead, she grabbed the nearest pole and pulled herself up, crossed over to my side, and sat down next to me.
“I figure we should be friends so long as we’re on the same bus ride,” she said. “My name’s Lisa.”
Lisa was annoying—but this was also the most I’d socialized with in what felt like forever. I was maybe a little desperate.
“Taylor.” I gave her my first name, not thinking too hard on whether that was a good idea or not.
“Well, Tayyyylloooorrr,” she said, elongating my name. I wondered if she was drunk, or high. “What’s got you so down?”
“Nothing. Just the cold, I guess.”
She rolled her eyes. “You guess? C’mon, you can do better than that.”
“Just some shit at school,” I admitted.
“Bullies, huh?” She leaned closer to me, poking her elbow against my arm. “Must be hard.”
“It is what it is.” I wasn’t sure why I was still talking to her, or why I was letting her get this close. “I’m not letting it get to me.”
Lisa hummed, like she was unsure whether she should believe me or not. That upset me, I didn’t like her doubting my resolve. I clenched my fists.
“There’s this group of girls, they’ve been targeting me for the past two years. Since I started High School,” I admitted. “It keeps getting worse and worse, and it feels like they’ve got the entire school on board with them, but I’m stronger than they think. I won’t give them what they want.”
Lisa hummed again. The same tone.
“You sure about that? I don’t think you believe what you’re saying.”
“What?” I didn’t understand.
“As things are, you won’t get through a month before snapping completely,” she said. As if this were just a normal conversation for her. “I don’t think you’re very good at this, Taylor. You’re going to fail, and it’s not going to surprise anyone.”
What the fuck?
“I’m not going to fail! I’m stronger than they think. I won’t stoop to their level.” I was adamant about this. “Nothing they can do can hurt me enough that I’ll fail at keeping myself together.”
“Oh, sweetie,” Lisa said, condescending me. “That’s not why you’ll fail. You’ll fail because you still think someone is going to save you. You haven’t accepted the truth—that nobody cares about your suffering, outside of how much better they can feel from watching you flounder around.”
No. The world didn’t work that way. There were good people, still, someone out there who would care about me. Lisa was the broken one for thinking this way, not me. If she was saying these things, then she just couldn’t believe in others anymore.
“You’re wrong,” I said, trying to believe my own words. “I’m not holding out for anything or anyone, just…” I was being strong. Or, so I thought.
“It has nothing to do with you, Taylor. Not really.” She leaned back in my direction, forcing me against the wall. “All they care about is themselves. You’re just the runt—the easiest target.”
“Why does this matter so much to you?” I whispered, finally looking at her again.
Her grin was frozen on her face. Her eyes, ice-cold. Looking less green in the odd lighting. More red than anything else.
She laughed, jostling my shoulder as she did.
“Have you been listening?” she asked. “I already told you why I’m doing this.”
I didn’t remember her saying anything about that, so I racked my brain. I thought over our entire conversation—and then it dawned on me.
“You don’t care about me,” I said, in a whisper. “All you care about is… yourself. I’m just an easy target.”
Her smile grew teeth, wider than I’d ever seen it before.
“Good job, Taylor! You’re learning something.” She leaned back, giving me some space. “I’m honestly a little surprised, but I can’t give you all the credit—I did help you along—and it hasn’t quite sunk in yet. That’ll happen in a few days.”
My blood went cold.
“Why?” I said, before I could stop myself.
“You’ll start school again. Winter break will be over, and you’ll be back in the lion’s den,” Lisa said, cheerfully. “Those girls you told me about? There’s no way they’ve backed off for real. They’re just luring you in, like I did. You’re easy to fool, Taylor.”
No. “I’m not.” I expected this, I just didn’t want to think this way.
She ignored my objection. “There’s probably some big surprise planned for you, which I don’t mind pointing out since it should be obvious. Maybe something to do with something you left behind? Anything important in your locker, perhaps?”
I shook my head.
“Doesn’t matter,” she waved me off. “The point is to hurt you, not to be clever about it. They’ll rub it in your face how nobody cares, how you’re so utterly alone in this.”
Fuck. This.
“Get out,” I said. My voice was hoarse, almost a growl. My arm closest to the window shot up and grabbed the string, pulling it, alerting the driver to let me off at the next stop.
“Are you sure?” she asked. “This isn’t the best part of town.”
“I don’t care. Get up—get the fuck away from me!”
“Alright, alright—sheesh.” She held up her hands as she scooted away. Still smiling. Maybe even wider than before.
I’d been good entertainment, it seemed.
The bus pulled to a stop and I stood up, rushing out right as the doors opened. I didn’t want to be near Lisa for even a second longer. But I didn’t hold myself back from turning around to see her smile and wave at me from the window as it drove off. Leaving me in gang territory.
That was fine. I knew how to get home. It was too cold for anything crazy to happen, anyway. Things would go fine. I made sure I believed that for long enough to get home.
That’s it. That’s why I’m here in the fucking locker. I knew something was going to happen, even if it wasn’t this exact thing, and I let them play out their prank so that I could prove them wrong—prove Lisa wrong. That there’s still someone out there who can help. That there’s a point where someone would step in. That I’m not alone.
But I was wrong.
As the bell goes off and footsteps fill the halls, I listen to the soft giggles and exaggerated gagging as the students pass me by. They look, but they don’t think of anything but themselves.
They don’t care about me—nobody does. I’m just their easy target.
No surprises. No help from anyone, or anything. Nothing left to do, but snap.
I black out for a moment, probably from a combination of exhaustion and disappointment—in myself, mostly. But when I come back, it’s more than just me. It’s below me, it’s above me. It’s around me. It’s everywhere.
No. It’s—I’m… I can’t… It’s too much.
Quickly, I let go. I fall into the new. I let myself break.
Time goes by quickly. I fill my surroundings, losing my way in every direction.